Can you use carrots as sex toys?
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Sex toys are expensive y'all.

It might seem like a wise move – after all carrots are phallically shaped and are cheap as chips but they might not actually be the best thing to use as a sex toy.

The problem is that they don’t have a flared end, like dildos and butt plugs, which means if you lose your grip you’re going to have to poop it out – wide end first. Which might be your thing, but probably won’t feel great.

What’s more, if you end up having trouble passing it, you could end up in casualty, which let’s face it is not the best way to spend a Sunday morning.

Sex and Fruit

Using fruit and veg could be a great way to excite and reignite your sex life though. Using soft fleshy, non-acidic fruit such as honeydew melons or watermelons can be an exciting way to get new sensations. Simply put a hole in it and thrusting in and out will provide interesting brand new feelings.

Alternatively, you can always use other foodstuffs such as chocolate spreads or even Marmite, who recently brought out body paint.

Caution must be used when inserting anything into your butt that doesn’t have a handle or gives good grip. People have ended up in A&E after failing to retrieve a cucumber, banana or carrot that’s gotten lodged in their rectums. Anything that gets stuck up your butt will be a painful experience that can actually lead to death if left untreated. We would urge anyone who has gotten anything stuck up there to seek medical advice immediately, no matter how embarrassed you feel.

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Oh did I say use lots of lube   

Alternatives?

If you’re looking to insert a food, why not try a lollipop or ice cubes, which will melt.

It’s best to use toys that are actually designed for insertion, such as dildos and vibrators. Don’t forget if you’re using toys together and share them, to use a fresh condom before using it on your partner, and wash them properly after use. 

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If you are going to insert a carrot, gherkin, cucumber or banana, make sure you’re relaxed. Some of these veg can be much larger than a penis, so using lots of lube and taking your time is a must.