Author: Paul Stag

  • 60 SECOND FILM REVIEW | Independence Day : Resurgence

    60 SECOND FILM REVIEW | Independence Day : Resurgence

    INDEPENDENCE DAY: RESURGENCE – The aliens are back to try and take over the world and destroy some more well-known landmarks 20 years after the first campy sci-fi classic. The effects have moved on greatly but has the story gone with it?

    (C) CREDIT: Fox

    Nutshell – Same format almost exactly but everything is a lot bigger and noisier this time. A random bunch of unconnected characters all have their moments just like last time and are all needed in some way to defeat a much bigger threat from outer space. This time the aliens mean business with only one ship but here it lands in the Atlantic ‘Which bit ? a character asks ‘the whole of it as this warship is 3,000 miles across’ is the reply and their plans are even more full on this time, but us humans have some new extraterrestrial help too.

    Time – 121 mins; Certificate – 12A

    Tagline – ‘We had twenty years to prepare….so did they’.

    THE GAY UK FACTOR – The younger Hemsworth brother the hunky Liam for a full two hours in military uniform is the main attraction here. His brother Chris (Thor) has been at the very top of our wank bank for years but his younger sibling has the same Aussie man’s man muscle look!

    Cast – Liam ‘megabulge’ Hemsworth, Jeff Goldblum, Vivian A Fox, Judd Hirst, Bill Pullman basically everyone is back except Will Smith who obviously knew something the others didn’t (and wanted far too much cash – see below).

    Key Player – Jeff Goldblum is pure class, he eats up the screen and brings his much loved puzzled scientist from, The Fly and Jurassic Park films front and centre here as he slowly works out at the same pace as we do what the big bad’s are really up too.

    Budget – $165 Million a full $100m more than the first film now that’s inflation for you and it doesn’t make it a better film one bit. It will make profit as all brands tend to do but it won’t make enough to kickstart a third film which is somewhat trailed here (and was the original plan).

    Best Bit – 0.31 mins; A very tense rooftop hospital rescue which is genuinely nail biting and you won’t guess how the scene ends as it has the movies best twist.

    Worst Bit – 0.33 mins; As London gets demolished instead of Washington DC and New York last time we hit special effect overload as the good guys attempt their escape. Its effects look poor because they are, the scenario does not work at all and it is ludicrously unbelievable, unthrilling and you won’t care about the outcome which is pretty obvious anyway.

    Little Secret – The original film ID1 was the second highest grossing film of all time when it was released behind Jeff Goldblum’s other hit Jurassic Park. Will Smith was due to reprised his role here but Fox Studio turned down his record-breaking fee of $50 Million.

    Further Viewing – ID 1, War Of The Worlds, Mars Attacks, Alien 2, Predator, The Day The Earth Stood Still & V The classic TV series.

    Any Good – ID 2 is fine, no more no less. It is not a classic like the first one and it hugely misses the presence of Will Smith and his ‘Welcome to earth’ one liners. The fault is with the same director Roland Emmerich who this time is simply just phoning it in, this needs a much better story and more threat. We cannot remember a film when less would have been so much more than we have here – the first film was truly superb and had so many great ideas crammed in this one doesn’t and isn’t.

    Rating – 74/100 (74th out of the last 100 films reviewed with 1 being best and 100 being a damp squib).

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  • FILM REVIEW | Teenage Mutant Nija Turtles: Out Of The Shadows

    FILM REVIEW | Teenage Mutant Nija Turtles: Out Of The Shadows

    TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES: OUT OF THE SHADOWS – The sequel to the hit family rebooted franchise now in its 30th year about the four amphibians up against Shredder once again and another old favourite bad guy. This is the seventh full length turtle film to date.

    CREDIT: Paramount/YouTube

    Nutshell – The Turtles are still hiding in the sewer from public view acting as vigilantes with their two human and one rat accomplaces. Their nemesis Shredder breaks free of custody, makes it to Dimension X where he meets Krang the ultimate Turtle enemy. He has a device to conquer earth but just needs two more parts and the amphibians out of the way. A breakneck adventure takes them all to the Amazon and back and along the way the Turtle Power team disintegrates and find a way to become human and leave their amphibian lives behind forever.

    Time – 113 mins; Certificate – 12A

    Tagline – ‘Raise Some Shell….Only One Team Can Save Us All’.

    THE GAY UK FACTOR – It’s a family film but the new love interest for April O’Neil is megahunk Stephen Amell playing the ongoing character of Casey Jones. You may know him as Green Arrow from the hit superhero TV series and he is 10 out of 10 in anyones books with an ass built to be rimmed. Hopefully the shirt comes off in the next film.

    Cast – The worlds hottest babe Megan Fox, Will Arnett, Laura Linney, Will Amell and a heavily made-up and barely recognisable Tyler Perry.

    Key Player – The special effects team as you really forget that the four leads are not real and it makes the film truly entertaining. Even more important is the special effects crew producing two of the top five stunt sequences of the year.

    Budget – $135 Million and in this special effects delight it is all up on the screen. Already profited with $150 million and in the top 10 most successful movies of the year and climbing so bring on the next one.

    Best Bit – 0.14 mins; A great action sequence where ‘The Foot’ on souped up motorbikes set about kicking some cop ass to free Shredder from his prison convoy. The Turtles enter the fray and all hell breaks loose. Simply the best stunt scene of the year so far.

    Worst Bit – 0.18 mins; Our first visit off planet to Dimension X which is fine but the problem is Krang himself. As the ultimate bad guy here in a huge robot suit he just looks like Davros with a headcold and easily defeatable. Shredder alone as seen last time around is the perfect foe and there was no need to steroid up the bad team.

    Little Secret – The fan base goes wide – Director Dave Green has been a huge TMNT fan from childhood; he used to dress up as Donatello.
    Kevin Eastman the creator of “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles” universe all those years ago, appears as a pizza delivery guy.

    Movie Mistake – They get it spot on except for April’s reappearing and disappearing black trousers in the Britney Spears school girl spy tracking scene.

    Further Viewing – Any of the many entries in the Turtle Power cannon, Ghostbusters, Transformers 1-5, Men In Black, Any Marvel or DC superhero film especially the Spidermans.

    Any Good – As with other sequels you will have made up your mind on your interest level when you saw the title alone. If already on board then this is a step up from the last one with some clever ideas and great stunt work, if not then nothing new here to bring you on side.

    Rating – 39/100 (39th out of the last 100 films reviewed with 1 being best and 100 being a damp squib).

    Order it from Amazon

  • FILM REVIEW | X-Men: Apocalypse

    X-MEN : APOCALYPSE – The Third, Sixth or Ninth helping from the X universe depending on how you are counting them up and this time it’s the end of the world by missile or metal in the earths core we got confused.
    Photo Credit: Alan Markfield.

    Nutshell – A huge cast of characters come together to do battle with Apocalypse a century’s old mutant from ancient Egypt who is backed with his oh so evil four horsemen one of which is regular Mutant bad guy Magneto. Everyone is back but it all turns into a bit of a confused mess to be honest trying to fit far too much in and so many character arcs. Extensive knowledge of the previous films will greatly help as they are referenced throughout but the real problem here is the bad guys who are pretty undeveloped and seem to be massively pissed at the 21st Century for no real reason we could see and boy is it long leading eventually to a pretty weak and throwaway climax.

    Time – 144 mins; Certificate – 12A

    Tagline – ‘Prepare For The Apocalypse; Only The Strong Will Survive’.

    THE GAY UK FACTOR – As with all superhero films you get a load of very fit muscular guys in tight spandex outfits and this film has more than most so all good there. Our faves are Michael Fassbender who is now odds on favourite to be the next James Bond and Nicholas Hoult who always looks so hot and sexually corruptible. Luckily they both have a lot of screen time and they stand out from every scene they are in.

    Cast – James McAvoy, Michael Fassbender, Jennifer Lawrence, Oscar Isaac, Nicholas Hoult, Rose Byrne and the sexiest new star we have seen for a long while Ben Hardy as Angel plus some famous uncredited cameos.

    Key Player – Michael Fassbender just hogs your attention throughout. In his third appearance as Magneto he could do this in his sleep but luckily this time he has an even bigger character arc to work with. He is now arguably the best actor on the planet and he relishes being a bad guy that you would not want to meet on a lonely dark street or maybe you would ?.

    Budget – A whopping $178 Million which it has just made back largely on the success of the previous titles in the franchise. This will be the least successful X-Men film to date and with no obvious threads as to where to go next so it might get interesting over at Marvel HQ and Wolverine may be getting a phone call.

    Best Bit – 0.10 mins; A great West Berlin sequench of forced cage fighting of mutants against their will that really makes you think you are in for a great movie – you aren’t..

    Worst Bit – 1.50 mins; The last 40 mins is a pretty overpumped uninvolving sequence of action beats that are all lacklustre. Maybe consider leaving early before the Cities of the World are turned to dust killing millions whilst none of the characters really seem that bothered about the death count.

    Little Secret – Although the box office on Apocalypse will be below what was hoped there are already two more X-Men films planned namely X-Force & X-Men: The New Mutants. This is the final part of the ‘First Class’ Trilogy and the future films will concentrate on the new young mutants introduced here.

    Movie Mistake – It all gets a bit questionable when Magneto starts to raise anything metal from the ground but there are so many things which don’t seem affected at all including cars and lorries in the background and then the metallic X-men airplane also seems to be un affected and don’t look to hard at all the English signs in the Auschwitz camp scene either.

    Further Viewing – Any movie with a X in the title or Wolverine, Avengers Assemble, Iron Man, The Fantastic Four, Guardians of the Galaxy and everything starring Fassbender.

    Any Good – It has all the right ingredients but boy does it do very little with the great talent, director and budget. This is without doubt the poorest of the series with too many characters and baddies you won’t register with. See it so as you know what is happening in the ongoing series but tbh this is a disappointment and a missed opportunity.

    Rating – 81/100 (81st out of the last 100 films reviewed with 1 being best and 100 being a damp squib).

  • What blockbuster films are being released this summer?

    The Summer Blockbusters 2016 – It’s retro time with Ab Fab, David Brent, Jason Bourne, The Magnificent Seven, Ben Hur, Bridget Jones, Tarzan & Independence Day.

    (Pictured) DORY. ©2013 Disney•Pixar. All Rights Reserved.

    If winter brings us the Oscar baiting serious films then summer brings us the crowd pleasing hugely popular blockbusters that make the studios all the big cash.

    At the half way point of the year what has hit big in the first six months and what to look forward to during the lucrative summer months

    So far it has been a pretty straight forward year with the Top 10 made up 50% by superhero films and 50% by kids movies. (Star Wars: The Force Awakens made a killing at the start of the year but was of course released in 2015)

    2016 BOX OFFICE (All Movies Still In Theatres and increasing Income weekly)

    1 Captain America: Civil War $396 Million

    2 Deadpool $363m

    3 The Jungle Book $352m

    4 Zootopia $338m

    5 Batman Vs Superman: Days Of Justice $330m

    6 Kung Fu Panda 3 $143m

    7 X-Men: Apocalypse $136m

    8 The Angry Birds Movie $101m

    9 Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles $65m

    10 Alice Through The Looking Glass $ 64m

     

    So what biggies are on the way :-

    17/6

    (Pictured) DORY. ©2013 Disney•Pixar. All Rights Reserved.

    Finding Dory – The sequel to Finding Nemo, could easily end up as the biggest film of the year.

    Now You See Me 2 – The starriest cast of the year with Radcliffe, Ruffalo, Caine, Freeman, Eisenberg etc

    The Boss – Melissa McCarthy with her American box office mega-smash.


     

    24/6

    Independence Day 2 – There back & this time it’s a lot more than the White House that’s gonna get it.

    The Conjuring 2 – Horror True story gets its sequel, no 3 already in production.

    Top Cat Begins – The animated light-fingered cat returns but do we need it ?


     

    1/7

    The Purge: Election Year – The horror franchise goes political with a much bigger budget.

    The BFG – Steven Spielberg tries to repeat what he did with ET The extraterrestrial

    Central Intelligence – Spy films were huge in 2015, this time we have The Rock & Kevin Hart.


     

    8/7

    (C) Universal Pictures

    The Secret Life Of Pets – Possibly the surprise hit of the summer as early word says it is as good as Frozen..

    The Legend Of Tarzan – Best trailer of the Summer but has The Jungle Book stolen its thunder.


     

    15/7

    The Ghostbusters Abby (Melissa McCarthy), Holtzmann (Kate

    Ghostbusters – Who ya gonna call ?……the entire team behind Bridesmaids that’s who, go girls !


     

    24/7

    Ab Fab

    Ice Age: Collision Course – The mammoth, the sabre tooth and the rat with the acorn back for no.5

    Star Trek Beyond – Third outing for the rebooted Trek series but now has to battle ‘The Wars’

    Absolutely Fabulous – How long have we waiting for this, we hope more Inbetweeners than Mrs Brown D’Movie.


     

    29/7

    Jason Bourne – He’s back in this Summer of old faves returning with no sign of Jeremy Renner now.

    5/8

    Suicide Squad – The Superhero film of the Summer from the DC Universe that screwed up Batman v Superman.


    19/8

    David Brent : Life On The Road – Ricky Gervais returns to The Office in feature-length form.


    12/8

    Pete’s Dragon – Disney’s latest live action version of an animated classic & the have not missed yet.

    Our Kind Of Traitor – Britain’s hottest star at the moment Damian Lewis dragged into a spy caper.


    19/8

    Ben-Hur – No stars but that epic chariot race will be spectacle enough

    The Free State Of Jones – The thinking mans film of the Summer with McConaghuey all US Civil war.


    26/8

    Mechanic Resurrection – Yes Jason Statham is back in his 8th franchise, shirt off as per usual…


    26/8

    War Dogs – Bradley Cooper superstud in a true story about 2 little guys getting a Pentagon contact.


    1/9

    Cell – Samuel L Jackson and John Cusack in the thriller of the Summer.


    2/9

    Sausage Party – This is our pick as the surprise hit of the season and it looks like animation gold.


    9/9

    Captain Fantastic – Not a superhero film this is a big big art house hit.


    16/9

    Bridget Jones Baby – The thirtysomething is also back with added sprog and issues.


    23/9

    The Magnificent Seven – The sexiest man alive Chris Pratt in cowboy gear for two hours plus 6 others.


    30/9

    Miss Pergrine’s Home For Peculiar Children – Tim Burton does his best wield family movie thing.

  • FILM REVIEW | Captain America Civil War

    FILM REVIEW | Captain America Civil War

    CAPTAIN AMERICA : CIVIL WAR – Every Superhero you have ever heard off in one big motherfrigging fall out and take down.

    Photo Credit: Zade Rosenthal..© Marvel 2016

    Photo Credit: Film Frame.© Marvel 2016

    Nutshell – The third pure Captain film asks the basic question are you Team Captain or Team Iron Man. Half of Marvel’s finest decide, after a recent accident, that they should be governed and regulated whilst the other half think they should remain free agents. Old favourites return, new heroes are introduced and all hell breaks loose in the many action scenes leading up to the ultimate Superhero showdown of all time.

    Time – 147 mins; Certificate – 12A

    Tagline – ‘Whose Side Are You On’.

    THE GAY UK FACTOR – Are you serious ? More hot men in Spandex than you will see in a whole season of the Tour De France. Our favourite Chris Evans who plays the lead is just a great horny looking guy that draws your eye from all the other hunk talent on show and he has an ass to die for plus great biceps in close up in the key helicopter sequence.

    Photo Credit: Film Frame..© Marvel 2016

    Photo Credit: Film Frame.© Marvel 2016

    Cast –  Captain America/Chris Evans, Iron Man/Robert Downey Jnr, Scarlett Johansson/Black Widow, Paul Rudd/AntMan, Tom Holland/Spiderman, Jeremy Renner/ Hawkey, Paul Bettany/Vision plus William Hurt, Marisa Tomei and Martin Freeman.

    Key Player –  Falcon comes off best he just swoops around disposing of the bad guys with pure cool and he has a mega-cool drone called Redwing which in the comics was a real (Falcon) bird.

    Budget – No surprise that this cost a lot – $250 million. This is of course safe territory it covered its costs in just six days. It is now heading for the top after chart toppers of 2016, Zootopia and The Jungle Book to become the biggest movie of the year, we guess it will finish up making about $800 million.

    Best Bit – 1.30 mins; The two team-ups have been building for a while but when they finally come face to face in a German airport you get the best scene of the year so far.

    Worst Bit – 1.35 mins; It is not bad just an obvious plot twist so that the tiny Ant Man can pull his weight fighting other superheroes equally it seems shoehorned in to even the teams-up.

    Little Secret – This is the longest ever Marvel film and the 13th in the studio’s master plan. Chris Evans suffered a severe arm injury in the helicopter sequence but the close up muscles are all him with no photo shop whatsoever on his massive wanking arm.

    Movie Mistake – In the final fight Iron Man’s helmet keeps appearing and disappearing similar to the windscreen that Captain smashes in the big vehicle chase.

    Awards – Nothing between now and October is going for awards this is going for cash and lots of it.

    Further Viewing – Captain America 1 & 2, Avengers 1 & 2, Spiderman’s 1 through 3, Ant Man, Thor, 8 Batmans, 7 Supermans and maybe a few more superhero films for good measure.

    Any Good – Abso-damn-lutely. This is real boys own stuff and maybe the best Marvel film yet. This is well plotted with endless superb action a great cast, funny lines and a script Christopher Nolan would be proud of. See in IMAX or 3D if possible.

    Rating – 7/100 (7th out of the last 100 films reviewed with 1 being best and 100 being a damn squib).

     

    Order from Amazon Prime | Amazon | iTunes

  • 60 SECOND FILM REVIEW | The Jungle Book

    60 SECOND FILM REVIEW | The Jungle Book

    THE JUNGLE BOOK – Live action version of Disney’s 50-year-old classic and boy does it look good.

     ©2016 Disney Enterprises, Inc. All Rights Reserved.
    ©2016 Disney Enterprises, Inc. All Rights Reserved.

    Nutshell – Rudyard Kipling’s book was adapted into the 1967 cartoon movie classic which was Walt Disney’s last film before he died. It turned into a perennial favourite thanks to its great jazz tunes tastefully reprised here and superb story and entertainment value. Here we have just one actor Mowgli and an array of computer generated characters, phenomenal backgrounds enlivened by the obligatory list of superstar voices. There is a lot of action here throughout the film to appeal to the modern audience coupled with some great comedy and boy does it work on every front big time. A movie for kids, big kids and everyone else that just wants a good honest fun commercial thrill ride with a heart of gold.

    Time – 106 mins and man is it crammed from opening chase to closing showdown;

    Certificate – PG it’s a family movie of course – it will become a TV holiday staple.

    Tagline – ‘The Legend Will Never Be The Same’ – This follows Disney’s successful run of reproducing its animated standards in live action format. We have had Alice In wonderland, Cinderella, Snow White & last month’s The Huntsman and Maleficent (Sleeping Beauty) and every one has been massively more successful than the original so expect the same here.

    THE GAY UK FACTOR – Don’t be silly, there is nothing here for your willy or libido, yes there are bears, giant phallic stakes and mano on mano action but get your head out of the gutter this is pure clean fun. Just switch your Scruff off and put your Grindr on mute and relive your childhood you can visit the gay bar on your way home for your jollies.

    Cast – Debutant Neel Sethi as boycub Mowgli, then the stars step in – Bill Murray as Baloo, Scarlett Johansson as Kaa the snake, Idris Elba as villainous tiger Sheer Khan, Ben Kingsley as Panther Bagheera, Christopher Walken singing as ape supremo King Louie and so on through Gary Shandling, Lupita Nyong’o, Sam Raimi and even the director himself Jon Favreau.

    Key Player – ‘Trust in me’ everyone is superb with one exception see below but the movie is dominated by Bill Murray’s Baloo. He is funny, sad, heroic and just what you want him to be. He was allowed to ad lib through his scenes and unusually for an effectively computer generated cartoon he was able to do voices acting alongside the other characters in particular Mowgli and it so works probably only been bettered by Robin William’s Genie in Aladdin.

    Budget – We are in big bollocks territory here with a mega budget of $175 million. No worries though – after 2 weeks it had made over $300 million and it still needs to open in many territories so a lot more moolah to come for this one – it will make a big stack of Rupees and it could surpass Batman v Superman to become the biggest hit of 2016 so far.

    Best Bit – 0.51 mins; There are so many great set pieces and they get everyone just right. Therefore you could pick the exciting first chase by Sheer Khan through the grasslands involving a ‘tribute’ stampede or you could pick the sad moment when Baloo has to lie or the excellent moment when Mowgli becomes the hero of the Elephants. All superb but you will really feel the true magic when you see a little boy floating down a stream banging out the beat to a very familiar tune on a big bears chest where you will be heading straight back to your childhood with the biggest of smiles on your face as if Tom Daley’s Speedos have just fallen off mid dive.

    Worst Bit – 0.02 mins; The very live looking animals take some getting used to when they start speaking – it just seems weird but you soon accept it and then along comes Bagheera the panther. Ben Kingsley is a great actor and has a very distinctive voice but it is so posh and Oxbridge that coming out of a wild animal or a big cat just seems as wrong as Donald Trump’s haircut.

    Little Secret – There were two Jungle Books in production at the same time with this and the forthcoming Jungle Book Origins (plus a Tarzan film too). Disney won the race and is raking in the cash but as we have seen with two asteroid movies at the same time, two volcano movies, two Truman Capote movies or two Terrorists taking the White House films etc it does not mean that the film that comes out second suffers it just has to make sure it is damn good. This was Gary Shandling’s last movie he finished – one month before he died.

    Movie Mistake – So so many but in a kid’s film does it matter. The animals are all over the place as the film is set in the Indian jungle but we seem to have species from around the globe. African Elephants ? Sumatran orangutans ? Chinese Wolves ? Himalayan Bears ? Peccary’s and Red Eyed Frog’s from whole Continents away and so it goes on. The snake Kaa is 5 times larger than any Indian species ever found and King Louie is even more out of proportion roughly 10 times bigger than any monkey ever. The scars, wounds and bee stings on Mowgli appear and disappear so often that we lost count.

    Awards – Nobody has ever won for voice work alone so it won’t happen for individuals and it won’t get nominated in animated categories as it doesn’t fit the criteria so just prizes for the excellent technical team possibly.

    Further Viewing – The Jungle Book (1967), Babe, Scrooges, Alice In Wonderland, The Lion King, The Jungle Book (1994), The Jungle Book 2, next years Jungle Book Origins, Greystoke : Lord Of The Apes, Disney’s Tarzan, The Legend Of Tarzan (Out this Summer), Tarzan Of The Apes...

    Any Good – Of course it is. Disney is getting really good at delivering these live versions of animated classics and this was probably the most sacred cow and the hardest to do as the cast are almost all animals. Jon Favreau the director delivers big time with every minute put to good use and so much great action and suspense. It looks so damn good too and kids will watch the DVD over and over again and with so much going on that adults will like that won’t drive you as crazy as multi repeats of say Frozen or The Lego Movie.

    Rating – 15/100 (15th out of the last 100 films reviewed with 1 being Gay UK filmatic ejaculatery heaven and 100 being as much fun as a Tottenham Hotspur Premiership Victory party)

     

  • 60 SECOND FILM REVIEW: Eye In The Sky

    EYE IN THE SKY – Real Time Thriller, Real decisions behind fighting war long distance by drone & huge moral issues.

    (more…)

  • The Most Common Songs At Gay Weddings Revealed

    The Most Common Songs At Gay Weddings Revealed

    The formal planning of a wedding or civil partnership often takes a year. More often than not the most memorable part comes from the party and entertainment where guests can relax and let their hair down.

    The Most Common Songs At Gay Weddings Revealed

    Therefore we thought we would get the official list of most requested songs for weddings during the last calendar year 2015.

    The company favoured by mobile DJ’s across the globe www.DJEventPlanner.com gave us permission to print the formal list for industry eyes only which summarises over 2 million requests worldwide at nuptials of all sorts.

    We spoke to a number of well-known mobile wedding DJ’s and they unanimously said that the music chosen or that works tends to be largely the same whether they are entertaining a straight, gay or lesbian wedding – fun music is fun music period.

    With the exception of sometimes a different first song choice that a gay couple may choose like: The Mama’s And Papa’s Making Our Own Kind Of Music or Whitney Houston’s All The Man That I Need the rest of the night is indistinguishable from heterosexual weddings and defaulting to say In The Navy/It’s Raining Men/I’m Coming Out or Dancing Queen is seen as not treating the LGBT audience with the respect due on a couples’ big night.

    1 Pharrell Williams Happy

    2 Mark Ronson featuring Bruno Mars Uptown Funk

    3 Killers Mr. Brightside

    4 Kings Of Leon Sex On Fire

    5 Whitney Houston I Wanna Dance With Somebody (Who Loves Me)

    6 Bon Jovi Livin’ On A Prayer

    7 Black Eyed Peas I Gotta Feeling

    8 Bryan Adams Summer Of ’69

    9 Journey Don’t Stop Believin’

    10 Robin Thick featuring Pharrell & T.I. Blurred Lines

    11 Queen Don’t Stop Me Now

    12 ABBA Dancing Queen

    13 Maroon 5 Moves Like Jagger

    14 Bruno Mars Marry You

    15 Beyoncé Single Ladies (Put A Ring On It)

    16 Taylor Swift Shake It Off

    17 Rihanna featuring Calvin Harris We Found Love

    18 Daft Punk Get Lucky

    19 Dexys Midnight Runners Come On Eileen

    20 Foundations Build Me Up Buttercup

    21 Amy Winehouse Valerie

    22 PSY Gangam Style

    23 Van Morrison Brown Eyed Girl

    24 Beyonce featuring Jay-Z Crazy In Love

    25 Arctic Monkeys I Bet You Look Good On The Dancefloor

    26 B-52’s Love Shack

    27 John Travolta & Olivia Newton-John Grease Megamix

    28 Guns N’ Roses Sweet Child O’ Mine

    29 Stevie Wonder Superstition

    30 Ed Sheeran Thinking Out Loud

    31 Clean Bandit Rather Be

    32 Michael Jackson Billie Jean

    33 LMFAO Sexy And I Know It

    34 OMI Cheerleader

    35 OutKast Hey Ya!

    36 Olly Murs Dance With Me Tonight

    37 Kenny Loggins Footloose

    38 John Legend All Of Me

    39 House Of Pain Jump Around

    40 Avicii Wake Me Up!

    41 Katy Perry Firework

    42 Wham! Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go

    43 Oasis Wonderwall

    44 Beatles Twist And Shout

    45 Cyndi Lauper Girls Just Want To Have Fun

    46 DJ Casper Cha Cha Slide

    47 LMFAO Party Rock Anthem

    48 Jacksons Blame It On The Boogie

    49 Neil Diamond Sweet Caroline

    50 Proclaimers I’m Gonna Be (500 Miles)

    The number one Introduction – Marry You by Bruno Mars

    The number one first dance – Thinking Out Loud by Ed Sheeran

    The number one processional – Canon In D  by Pachelbel

    The number one recessional – Marry You by Bruno Mars

    The number one for cake cutting – How Sweet It Is (To Be Loved By You) by James Taylor

    The number one Last Dance – Never Forget by Take That (Internationally Don’t Stop Believing by Journey)

  • THE 60 SECOND FILM REVIEW | The Huntsman : Winter’s War

    THE 60 SECOND FILM REVIEW | The Huntsman : Winter’s War

    Two Hours of Chris Hemsworth wielding his very big chopper and chasing some very big men with it.

    CREDIT: Universal Pictures

    Nutshell / Hollywood pitch – Let’s make a prequel/sequel to the successful 2014 film where Snow White means Game Of Thrones. All other sequels go darker and moodier but here we go lighter and up the comedy and the action beats too boot. Evil Queen has even more evil Sister who has watched too much Frozen as like Elsa she can control snow and ice but here without bursting into ‘Let It Go’ at regular intervals. Chris Hemsworth has to save the day in the land where love has been banned yet he can’t help feeling the need to breed so he sets off on adventures to avenge a death…  It has a decent midway twist and Charlize Theron hamming it up superbly in two important sections in the secondary villain roll and you won’t be able to take your eyes off her when she is on screen.

    Time – 114 mins of swashbuckling action with slow parts.

    Certificate – 12A so the fights are very user friendly.

    Tagline – None – Preferring to go with “From The Makers of Maleficent” and ” From The Makers Of Alice In Wonderland”.

    THE GAY UK FACTOR – A full length feature in the company of the ultimate muscled man of the countryside Chris Hemsworth The Huntsman himself who can hunt us anytime – You can virtually smell his pits and testosterone through the screen this is one serious big Alpha male guy, unfortunately with one of the worst haircuts in movie history this time out. On the upside he does briefly decide to get into the bath naked which stills have already flooded across the internet on every gay blog and wank site.

    Cast – The Aussie Hunk Thor Chris Hemsworth and the South African beauty and Oscar winner for Monster Charlize Theron. Another Oscar worrying actress from The Help and Zero Dark Thirty Jessica Chastain plays the love interest and Emily Blunt (The Devil Wears Prada) round out the very heavy girlie cast which may be the reason for it’s average Box Office success. The supporting cast is Nick Frost (Shaun Of The Dead), Sheridan Smith from the superb TV Drama Cilla and Rob Brydon from BBC’s Would I Lie To You?, Gavin and Stacey and even Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels.

    Key Player – Mirror mirror on the wall who is… you know the drill. Charlize Theron does not have a huge screen time here but like the first film she dominates and steals it from everyone else and she seems to be having such fun maybe she should do a lot more villainess roles. We could all do with her evil mirror if it makes us this attractive.

    Budget – A not cheap $115 million. It hasn’t opened in the States yet but only garnering $44 million Internationally it maybe the first flop of the Summer blockbuster season. The previous film in the series made $396 million let’s put it simply, this one won’t. 

    Best Bit – 1.02 mins; The central fight scene in the woods and over a rope bridge with some very nasty creatures is the high point here. It is tense, well directed and the monsters are very good indeed and pretty unstoppable.

    Worst Bit – 1.18 mins; The big spectacular action sequence where Hemsworth has to climb a mountain and assail the villains castle roof tops should be a thrilling stunt fest with hands over your eyes moments and fingernails dug into your armrest’s but it just isn’t – Diehard With A Vengeance this is not.

    Little Secret – Charlize Theron was reportedly offered a lot less money to reprise her role in this film than Chris Hemsworth and she refused to sign on. Later the producers agreed that she was a big star and an International draw in her own right and raised her money up to $10 million for the movie exactly the same as what Chris got.

    Movie Mistake – Normally we would point out the bloopers and continuation errors but there is something bigger here. He is great to look at but Hemsworth’s accent here hits like a badly cast BBC 70’s comedy. When they move North the characters go all Scottish and when they go West they go Welsh – no problem for Rob Brydon but his three side kicks come over more like Bonnie Tyler, Charlotte Church and Gareth Thomas with bad head colds.

    Awards – Charlize and Jessica are massive award magnets but Chris is pure action man who will never get any gongs. The last film won nothing and nor will this except some Golden Rasberries for those accents.

    Further Viewing – Game Of Thrones, Snow White & The Huntsman, Maleficent, Alice In Wonderland and all Disney’s revamped darker versions of former cartoon fairytales, Thor, The Lord Of The Rings and Hobbit trilogies and a million fantasy sword and dragon movies.

    Any Good – Well you will certainly get your monies worth as a lot of that hundred mill is up there on the screen. It’s a decent Friday night out which won’t change your life. We just wonder if more Theron and some other male leads would have helped somewhat.

    Rating – 76/100 (76th out of the last 100 films reviewed with 1 being Gay UK filmatic ejaculatery heaven and 100 being as much fun as a long haul International flight next to a screaming baby whilst you are trying to concentrate on Thor The dark world.

  • 60 Second Gay UK Film Review | Eddie The Eagle

    60 Second Gay UK Film Review | Eddie The Eagle

    Eddie The Eagle – The true story of the ultimate underdog sporting hero in the feel good film of the year.

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  • 60 Second Film Review | 10 Cloverfield Lane

    60 Second Film Review | 10 Cloverfield Lane

    10 CLOVERFIELD LANE – The Man behind Star Wars/Trek & Mission impossible takes on Horror, Thrillers & Sci-Fi & that’s just for starters

    Nutshell – If ever there was a film that the less you know and see of it in advance it is this one. Is it a sequel to the original excellent Cloverfield ?… Well it’s in there somewhere, but with JJ Abrams in the background, who gave us 150 episodes of the ultimate spoiler friendly show Lost before Star Trek and the galaxy far far away there will always be more questions than answers. Part one is effectively Saw like then it hits full-blown Hitchcock for the tense 3 plus hander second section before the third part comes along which is a real barnstorming gobsmacker. Basically three people trapped in an underground bunker after an unknown possible Russian attack. Something for everyone then.

    Time – 102 mins (and you won’t be able to take one minute more); Certificate – 15

    Tagline – “Monsters Come In Many Forms” or do they !!!!!!!

    THE GAY UK FACTOR – No gay angle and nothing really for your cock here so take your straight mates and have a night of quality brain food rather than ogling Messrs Hemsworth, Statham or Reynolds and forgetting the plot.

    Cast – A tight team like a good stage play of John Goodman, Mary Elizabeth Winstead, John Gallagher Jr and oh there is a sex god in it with the voice of Bradley Cooper.

    Key Player – Mary Elizabeth Winstead is so good here and just as well as she is in every scene. She is believable when vulnerable and can switch to funny or fight back mode in a second which happens a lot here. The film would have been bigger with a starrier cast though.

    Budget – $15 million one of the lowest budget American films we have reviewed for a very long time but don’t worry this should make it into the English dictionary under ‘less is more’ and oh that climatic last act… So far it has made back 5 times its budget at $75 million and climbing now that’s a better investment than British Steel.

    Best Bit – 40 mins; Well we couldn’t pick anything from the last act due to spoiling the twists for yourselves. At 40 mins Michelle sees the effects outside of the bunker for the first time creating more questions than answers and then gets trapped in an airlock between two evils.

    Worst Bit – 30 mins; When the three in the bunker start to let their hair down and relax, have fun and tick the days off from their forced ‘two year’ confinement all to the poppy tune Tell Him by the Exciters. They should have used Bette Midler’s version. It lets up the tension probably necessarily but us gay guys love a full on thrill ride with no brakes.

    Little Secret – The petrol station in the film is not Esso or Shell but Kelvin the same as in JJ’s Super 8. It is a tribute to Abram’s maternal grandfather and he puts it in all his projects; In Mission Impossible it is on a letter, in Star Trek the ship is called the USS Kelvin etc etc and we know where it is in Star Wars The Force Awakens but we will let you find that for yourselves – it’s a doozey ! JJ describes this film as the ‘Blood Relative’ of the original movie and in the future they will be linked together in a whole Cloverfield universe with other movies he hopes to make which will be tough as the first one is hand-held camera footage and this is standard filmed action from beyond the fourth wall that we are used too.

    Movie Mistake – There are so many mysteries in this film that you are not sure what is a film mistake and what is deliberate to keep the questions flying around. Should the blood on the ring from the dead girl some years ago be still wet, the appearing and disappearing bandage on Goodman’s leg is it a mistake or the passage of time and the change of daytime to night in the ‘farmhouse’ scene was it deliberate. What is wrong is the ease that a character gets radio messages in one scene but not for the rest of the movie and oh that ever-changing size of spaghetti. Where was the continuity boy, probably off set blowing someone to try and get a walk on part.

    Awards – Not for this one but it will boost Winstead’s career immensely and it is great to have Goodman back. JJ Abrams is probably working on Cloverfield 3 which we will probably get before his next Star Wars outing.

    Further Viewing – Cloverfield, Room, All 53 of Alfred Hitchcocks, Saw’s 1-6, Sleuth and The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo. Also Metal Hurlant Chronicles: Shelter Me which has the same plot and even the same character name, and series two of Lost where a guy is staying in a bunker fearing outside contamination with the same end results so now JJ is recycling his own plots and we are starting to feel as though we are trapped in a time-warp on an island with a smoke monster and some polar bears.

    Any Good – If you want a great thriller that is not like anything you have ever seen before although in many ways is this is for you. A great change from all the blockbusters and superheroes but fans of those will appreciate this too. A lot of great talent is behind this film and as the budget is so low these creative genius’ are free to let their hair down and have fun with the story, its set-up and pay-off. Most of all it is so so tense and you will be gripping the arm of your seat so tightly as if you have just got a hold of Channing Tatum’s bulging ‘Magic Mike‘ for the very first time.

    Rating 54/100 (54th out of the last 100 films reviewed with 1 being Gay UK filmatic ejaculatery heaven and 100 being as much fun as watching a winner of the Voice’s mega successful chart career)


    10 Cloverfield Lane Trailer by TheGayUK