THEGAYUK

Author: Paul Stag

  • OPINION | The films that should win an Oscar and those that actually will…

    OPINION | The films that should win an Oscar and those that actually will…

    Every year at THEGAYUK we list the films and stars that should win the Oscar picked from films that people have actually seen as opposed to over rated critics favourites that couldn’t sell a tub of popcorn in a million years.

    CREDIT: DWilliams / CC / Pixabay

    None of the top twenty most viewed films of the last year are up for any of the important Oscars which shows the disconnect from what the chattering coffee swilling elite of Soho want you to see – usually involving an ex-war refugee with family issues and a terminal illness as opposed to the latest Star Wars, Pixar or Superhero which actually put bums on seats and made it way beyond a single art house screen in a leafy part of West London.

    Has anyone actually seen Moonlight, Hidden Figures, Loving or Fences anyway and if you have, tune in on Feb 26th to see the results from The Kodak Theatre with the ever decreasing viewing figures the show now attracts.

    If you are a movie fan read on and see what the Oscars should be like if they gave statuettes to people and films folks have heard off.

    BEST PICTURE – Should Win: Hacksaw Ridge…Will Win: La La Land (The most predicatble in years watch those viewing figures plummet)

    BEST ACTOR – Should Win: Channing Tatum’s 12 incher in Vacation or Andrew Garfield/Hacksaw Ridge…Will Win: Casey Affleck/Manchester By The Sea (Total yawnfest).

    BEST ACTRESS – Should Win: Amy Adams/Arrival…Will Win: Natalie Portman/Jackie (Pure boring Oscar bate, not made to entertain but just collect gongs)

    BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR – Should Win: Chris Pratt’s naked ass in Passengers or John Goodman/10 Cloverfield Lane…Will Win: Mahershala Ali/Moonlight.

    BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS – Should Win: Nicole Kidman/Lion… Will Win:Viola Davis/Fences.

    ANIMATION – Should Win: Sam Worthington’s acting or The Secret Life of Pets… Zootopia Will Win: (Because it’s about serious issues!)

    Best Foreigh Language Film – No such thing!

    Costume Design – Should Win: Fantastic Beasts & Where To Find Them…Will Win: Jackie (1963 is so hard to do!)

    Directing – Should Win: Damien Chazelle/La La Land… agreed!

    Editing – Should Win: Hacksaw Ridge…..Will Win: La La Land (Long tracking shots are hardly editing but it was shot in the Hollywood Hills so…)

    Make Up & Hair styling – Should Win: Suicide Squad… Will Win: Harley Quinn and her mates, yippee a Superhero Oscar.

    Music – Should Win: Eddie The Eagle (Pure 80’s Pop)… Will Win: La La Land (Because it is so full of hit songs… not!)

    Original Song – Should Win: Can’t Stop The Feeling/Justin Trousersnake from Trolls… Will Win: City of bloody Stars (that will get you dancing if you don’t have a pulse)

    Sound Mixing – Should Win: Rogue One : A Star Wars Story…Will Win: La La Land as the voters don’t really know what Sound Mixing is but it’s a musical so it must have some, right?

    Visual Effects –Should Win:  Brexit or Doctor Strange… Will Win: The Jungle Book (We won’t complain either way on these two)

    Adapted Screenplay – Should Win: Arrival…Will Win: Moonlight (God help us – we give up!)

    Original Screenplay – Should Win: Deadpool…Will Win: La La Land (you bored yet?)

    The Gay Oscar Film of the Year – Absolutely Fabulous a real crowd pleaser.

    Stunt of the year – Climbing into the Elephant’s asshole in Grimsby. Sascha Baron Cohen has the laugh out loud scene of the Year.

    Hunk Of The Year – Zac Efron for his eight pack in Bad Neighbours 2 – We are counting down the days to those beach scenes in Baywatch.

    Lifetime Gay UK Achievement Award – Jason Statham with The Mechanic: Resurrection making 29 films in a row where his shirt falls off showing his hairy chest and muscles.

    Obituary of the Year – Martin Scorsese for Silence what on earth were you thinking man; with runner’s up the Ghostbusters franchise, anything with Daniel Radcliffe in and anyone who stayed awake all the way through The Revenant.

     

    Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.

  • 60 Second Film Review | XXX: The Return Of Xander Cage

    XXX : RETURN OF XANDER CAGE – The extreme sports turned International superspy franchise returns for the third time. Vin Diesel takes over both sides of the camera to attempt to repeat the Fast & Furious blockbuster reboot/relaunch thing.

    Nutshell – Xander Cage aka Vin Diesel comes back from death to travel the globe sorting out the baddies who are making satelites fall from the sky onto unsuspecting cities but as per usual who are the actual bad guys here? The action two movies ago was incredible and here it goes up and up with each action beat climaxing in some mid-air super stunts in the finale as he saves the world in stunning fashion again.

    Running Time – 107 minutes; Certificate – 12A

    Tagline – ‘Kick some ass, get the girl and try to look dope whilst you are doing it’.

    THEGAYUK Factor – Vin Diesel with muscles pumped up like balloons with buff sidekicks and hundreds of steroid enhanced bad guys this is a jerk off fest for blokes into REAL men sweating around and on each other – it just stops short of deep throat French kissing. The underwater scenes are pure gay porn alone.

    Cast – Vin Diesel, Samuel L Jackson, Toni Collette, Donnie Yen, Neymar Jnr and Ice Cube… true fans will work out what exactly this cast means after the last movie in the triple X franchise.

    Key Player – This is one guys film and it is Mr Diesel – He took over the Fast And Furious Franchise after 4 average films and turned it into the biggest money maker outside of Star Wars and he gives it all and some to hopefully do the same here.

    Budget – $85 Million but struggling to get outside of its home fanbase in the States but it is exactly the sort of film to do big business internationally – Number Four in the series is up in the air at the moment but we think and hope they will go for it big time.

    Best Bit – 0.34 mins; So so much action here its like a Bond film on steroids and the best is a superb motorbike chase on land… and then even better on water and through the surf – very impressive.

    Worst Bit – 1.37 mins; The comedy relief is a techy girl called Becky and boy is she annoying no more than when she is forced into a gun battle that you just want it over and done with.

    Little Secret – The world’s greatest footballer Brazil’s oh so fit as f*ck Neymar Jrn makes his acting debut here and not in just one extended scene but two – more please maybe shirtless next time.

    Further Viewing – XXX 1 and 2, Fast And Furious 5 through 7, The Expendables 1-3, James Bond 7-21 (Stop at Casino Royale if you like action) Jason Bourne 2 and 4 plus all 28 movies starring Jason Statham.

    Any Good – If you like this sort of thing you will love this – it is a true fans only movie. If you want acting, character development, poignant stories move right along… nothing to see here. It is way better than number two and we hope there are more. In the dictionary under Friday night popcorn movie you will probably find this films title alone.

    Rating – 67% out of 100.

  • 60 Second Film Review | La La Land

    60 Second Film Review | La La Land

    LA LA LAND – The Awards vaccum of 2017 and possibly of all time, sings and dances around the Hollywood hills in the straightest musical ever made – but where are the hits?

    La La Land review
    CREDIT: Dale Robinette / Lionsgate

    Nutshell – A very simple girl meets guy tale in and around the modern day Hollywood area of Los Angeles. He wants to open a jazz club and save that brand of music forever, she wants to be a film actress. Cue song and dance numbers, separations and a knock out twist in the last 20 minutes. This is so old fashioned you expect Gene Kelly, Ginger Rogers or Fred Astaire to appear at any minute hoofing around but don’t let that put you off.

    Running Time – 128 minutes; Certificate – 12A

    Tagline – ‘Here’s To The Fools That Dream’.

    THEGAYUK Factor – This is as pure a heterosexual movie as you will ever see so just enjoy the musical set pieces like a good little gay boy and imagine Ryan Gosling stripped naked fingering your organ instead of his loving piano.

    Cast – Ryan Gosling, Emma Stone, J K Simmons and far far too much of John Legend.

    Key Player – Damien Chazelle, he wrote it, he directed it and it is wholly his wonderful vision. He has come so far since Whiplash and 10 Cloverfield Lane. Next up First Man the story of Neil Armstrong setting foot on the moon starring, yep you’ve guessed it Ryan big swinging dick Gosling.

    Budget – $30 Million but already made four times that and it is still a month until its big Oscar night marketing boost – this will be very very big indeed and deserves it.

    Best Bit – 0.02 mins; The opening number is possibly the greatest tribute to LA ever. A huge single track production number set on a gridlocked freeway and the poppiest number on the whole soundtrack. It makes you so happy to be alive.

    Worst Bit – 1.02 mins; When Goslings character is showing for the umpteenth time how much he likes old school jazz in a group recording session where the other musicians want him to play modern music. A lot of the jazz in this wonderful film is very dull indeed and there is a reason old school jazz died out – that’s because it was sh*t.

    Little Secret – La La Land won 7 Golden Globes more than any other film in history beating One Flew Over The Cookoo’s Nest. It is up for 14 Oscars… the most ever equal with All About Eve and Titanic. The opening freeway scene was shot on the same stretch as the famous bus jump from Keannu Reeve’s/Sandra Bullock’s Speed movie – yep they still haven’t finished building it 30 years on.

    Further Viewing – Moulin Rouge, Grease, Tommy, Rent, Dreamgirls, Chicago, Once, Hairspray and any musical from the 50s or 60s on BBC2 in the afternoons.

    Any Good – Yes it is very very good and deserves all its plaudits and awards BUT, and it’s a big but, the songs are at very best average and at time maudling. This is not a jazz revival and there are no hit’s here which is a slight issue for a musical. Never mind the leads are great, it looks fantastic and that opening and closing will stay with you for many months to come.

    Rating – 91% out of 100.

  • 60 Second Film Review | Assassin’s Creed

    ASSASSIN’S CREED – No computer game has ever been made into a successful movie even with 25 years of trying and numerous attempts but at last we have a great…

    Oh no, it’s another turkey.


    Nutshell – Modern day Michael Fassbender is connected to the memories of his rooftop jumping assassin back in the ancient Spain of the Spanish inquisition. Plenty of action both in the past and the present day as the chase is on against the Knights Templar to gain possession of a powerful apple – yep, really a fruit with armageddon possibilities .

    Running Time – 115 minutes; Certificate – 12A

    Tagline – ‘Enter The Animus’ – yes you are reading this review correctly and it will get worse.

    THEGAYUK Factor – Fassbender has his shirt off for virtually the entire second half and boy is he cut or photoshopped to death – maybe for the sequel the pants will go too in a couple of fight scenes. Loads of other fit guys too throughout so forget the silly plot and knock one out of the wrist.

    Cast – Michael Fassbender, Marion Cotillard, Jeremy Irons, Charlotte Rampling and Brendan Gleeson that’s five serial Oscar botherers so what are they doing in a computer game movie? – Oh yes, the money of course.

    Key Player – The Parkour free runners who are central to all the action here do a stunning job and the foot chase scenes are simply incredible.

    Budget – $125 Million but it opened in the States with just $10 mil, no chance it will make its money back and start the much-anticipated franchise.

    Best Bit – 0.58 mins; The all important rooftop chase that this computer game made its name on; and this is an extended very impressive if largely unrealistic huge set-piece action beat.

    Worst Bit – 1.35 mins; With all the best bits early on, boy does this film run out of steam towards the end.  The last couple of fights are nothing like what has gone before and would have been left on the cutting room floor if this was mid-season Game Of Thrones.

    Little Secret – The film features the highest free fall performed by a stuntman in history. The stuntman performed a drop from the height of 125 feet (38 meters), which lasted almost 3 seconds with a 61 mph impact speed. Michael Fassbender did 95% of the fight scenes himself rather than use his stand-in .

    Further Viewing – Computer games made into movies are ten a penny but often are pretty lacking in quality – try Mortal Kombat, Warcraft, Resident Evil, Final Fantasy, Street Fighter, Doom, Super Mario Brothers and the best Prince of Persia and Tomb Raider.

    Any Good – It’s nice to look at and the acting and action early on is great but you just don’t care about anyone and anything going on really. This could have been so much better but having no definitive sides for good and evil, confusing time jumping sequences and the worst ever Macguffin makes this the first disappointment of 2017.

    Rating – 32% out of 100.

  • 60 SECOND FILM REVIEW | Star Wars Rogue One

    60 SECOND FILM REVIEW | Star Wars Rogue One

    ROGUE ONE: A STAR WARS STORY – Completely separate stand-alone Star Wars movie with all new characters telling the story that leads right up to the split second the original classic started back in 1977 when Leia leads the plans into R2D2 and Darth bursts through that door.

    Rogue One Star Wars review
    Rogue One: A Star Wars Story..L to R: Jyn Erso (Felicity Jones) and Cassian Andor (Diego Luna)..Ph: Jonathan Olley..© 2016 Lucasfilm Ltd. All Rights Reserved.

    Nutshell – The Empire is developing an ultimate weapon thought to be a planet killer which we of course we know becomes the Death Star. The Rebels have a plan to stop it which involves stealing its original plans which all goes well until Darth Vader turns up and then people start dying… an awful lot of people.

    Running Time – 133 minutes; Certificate – 12A

    Tagline – ‘Save The Rebellion, Save The Dream’

    The Gay UK Factor – Loads of hot guys in uniforms makes for a good starting place. The second Star Wars in a row to have a female lead but this time we have a very sexy guy at her side in the form of the hottest Mexican you have ever seen Diego Luna playing Cassian Andor and boy does that tight rebel uniform sticks to him in all the right places – we wonder if all the other stormtroopers & rebels are also horse-hung as he appears to be.

    Cast – Felicity Jones, Diego Luna, Adam Tudyk plus some major stars like Forest Whitaker, Mads Mikkelsen, Jimmy Smits and the very f**kable Ben Mendelsohn plus Peter Cushing and others photoshopped in for Seventies memory jerks.

    Key Player – The Star Wars saga has produced the best three robots in cinema history – time to meet number Four. K2SO is a Seven-foot new favourite and this robot seems as though he has been a regular performer down the Comedy Store for ages – you will laugh a lot.

    Budget – $200 Million the second biggest of the year and it is expected to make four times that back at least as there is little competition in theatres at present and it is only 11 months until the next one….Kerching !

    Best Bit – 1.50 mins; Two of the main characters have to climb up a giant indoor tower in a control room under fire in the best action sequence in the movie – all very exciting, time is running out fast and will they both survive?

    Worst Bit – 0.31 mins; With all new characters, it takes a bit of time to get going and there is a lot of introductions and expositions required. This is most apparent in a drawn out prison scene when you have really come to see lazer duels and starship battles.

    Little Secret – The inside of the Death Star was filmed at Canary Wharf underground station outside of normal hours. The most famous scene in the trailer where the lead female character on a platform comes face to face with a Tie fighter is not in the movie at all surprisingly but will be on the DVD release in 2017

    Further Viewing – Star Wars 1 – 7 are basic canon for the enjoyment of this also try Star Trek 1-13, Battlestar Galactica, Independence Day, The Black Hole and a million other spaceship battle movies that have become big-screen staples or anything with loads of sword battles like say Game of Thrones before it became repetitive.

    Any Good – This is very impressive stuff and with a tonne of surprises linked with a multitude of nostalgia and throwbacks to earlier (or later) films. The British director breaks a lot of rules here yet sticks to the standard plot build up of the recent SW movies. This will make megabucks and deservedly so and now we head into the Fortieth Anniversary year with the biggest movie yet on the horizon and one a year guaranteed from now on so it’s good times if you feel the force and bad news if you prefer Poldark, Grantchester and Downton type snore bores.

    Rating – 86% out of a hundred (That’s 10% up from the Force Awakens)

  • FILM REVIEW | Doctor Strange

    FILM REVIEW | Doctor Strange

    DOCTOR STRANGE – The 96th superhero film of the year probably. What can Benedict Cumberbatch do in spandex and with this never ending genre.

    Benedict Cumberbatch Doctor Strange
    Photo Credit: Jay Maidment..©2016 Marvel. All Rights Reserved.

    Nutshell – A surgeon loses his hands in a horrific car accident and goes on a voyage of discovery to the Himalaya’s where he finds superpowers in magic form meanwhile a mystical bad guy attacks two of the three entry sanctums in Honk Kong and London and it’s New York next and then the World is f***ed .

    Running Time – 115 minutes; Certificate – 12A

    Tagline – ‘The impossibilities are endless’

    The Gay UK Factor – Either you think Benedict is the sexiest man alive in which case you will love him in action mode or otherwise you will just enjoy his superb acting chops as usual. No other eye candy or gay sexiness here except the main henchman Scott Adkins who looks as though he would be a great lay… so bring on the fight and chase sequences.

    Cast – Benedict Cumberbatch, Rachel McAdams, Chiwetel Ejiofor, Tilda Swinton, Benjamin Bratt and Mads Mikkelson doing the same bad guy thing he did so well in Hannibal and Casino Royale he is the new Alan Rickman of baddies.

    Key Player – Marvel of course who seem to produce an endless supply of new superheroes many of which we have never heard of before and they all hit. They also a clever at creating new angles each time and twists in the story but keeping to the winning formula. This is the 14th movie in the Marvel Universe.

    Budget – $165 Million which is big but already made that back; now on for some serious profit and a bunch of sequels.

    Best Bit – 1.15 mins; When the hero discovers what will become his trademark cloak which turns out to have a life of its own. It becomes its own character and starts stealing scenes from this point on.

    Worst Bit – 0.35 mins; This is an origin film so we know there will be some discovery and a training montage but this one does drag a bit and makes your feet start to shuffle. It is not helped here with the learning curve being about mystical planes and alternate realities basically, out and out bollocks tbh.

    Little Secret – Benedict was the first choice for the role but had to turn it down due to his stage schedule in Hamlet. Joachim Phoenix was then cast but he went AWOL, so back to Cumberbatch it went. Casting Tilda Swinton as a Tibetan guru is seen as whitewashing the film in a partially racist way by many to placate the vitally important Chinese market who are touchy about anything Tibetan.

    Further Viewing – Surely you can work this out for yourself – every X-men, Iron Man, Captain America, Spiderman, Batman, Deadpool, Antman, Guardians, ad infin..effing..nitum.

    Any Good – Very good indeed there are two major action beats where reality is truly skewed in a sort of Inception/Matrix fashion that makes it unlike any other Superhero movie around. Having a truly great actor in the lead makes it all so believable and he is on top form here. So great characterization, humour, action and a cool story with a better bad guy and evil plan this could be really jumping onto everyone’s fave superhero film lists. The sequel could be incredible but he is in the new Thor next.

    Rating – 21/100 (21st out of the last 100 films reviewed with 1 being Gay UK filmatic heaven and 100 being a dud).

  • FILM REVIEW | Jack Reacher Never Go Back

    FILM REVIEW | Jack Reacher Never Go Back

    JACK REACHER NEVER GO BACK – Tom Cruise is back as the loner ex-military guy in the second Reacher film adapted from the 18th book in the hugely successful literary series.

    Jack Reacher review
    CREDIT: Paramount

    Nutshell – Jack Reacher, the ultimate loner with skills, has to go on the run with a female military officer as they are both in the frame for some murders in a Government conspiracy. Jack finds out he has had a daughter all along, and then all hell breaks lose from Washington to New Orleans and the body count goes up.

    Running Time – 118 minutes; Certificate – 12A

    Tagline – ‘Never Give In, Never Give Up, Never Go Back.’

    The Gay UK Factor – Patrick Heusinger is an out and out f***able stud muffin. This Florida-born hunk would not be kicked out of bed by any gay man anywhere in the World, but he does not show as much flesh here as he did in Oscar-winning Black Swan… shame.

    Cast – Tom Cruise, Cobie Smulders who if we were straight would be our ideal woman, Aldis Hodge reprising from Jack Reacher One and Heusinger who has shot to poll position in our crowded wank bank.

    Key Player – Lee Child who writes these books and delivers fully on the intrigue with regular doses of believable action and dialogue that would put Tarantino to shame. He even has a cameo here in the airport scene.

    Budget – $60 Million which is cheap for a Cruise movie and a sequel at that, so it was in profit after just the first week and racing over the $100 million mark, so on with Jack Reacher 3. That is if Tom can be arsed to do it as he is not big on sequels this being the only one he has ever done outside of the Mission Impossibles.

    Best Bit – 0.01 mins; So don’t be late as the opening unconnected set-up scene has such great dialogue it will settle you perfectly into a fun night at the flicks. You may have already seen this diner scene as it is one of the trailers put out for the movie.

    Worst Bit – 1.38 mins; The big Afghanistan reveal is pretty predictable with some serious bloopers, but what is worse it is largely underwhelming. Next time let’s have a bigger back plot or story, please.

    Little Secret – Cobie Smulders spent eight weeks learning several new martial arts so as she could and did do all her stunts in the film; she is one real feisty bitch. Cruise who always claims to do all his own stunts didn’t here, so that’s one for the girls. In the books, Reacher is 6.5″ of pure man muscle Tom Cruise is 5’7″ on a good day so nearer to a Hobbit than a US military tough guy and in his 50s too.

    Further Viewing – Jack Reacher 1, The A-Team, Incredible Hulk, Dirty Harry, Law Abiding Citizen, Man on Fire, Deathwish’s 1 to 5 and basically anything featuring lone vigilantes a true Hollywood staple.

    Any Good – This is so much better than the first film which we can hardly remember tbh, and there is a great prison escape scene which is pure Ethan Hunt . A lot is squeezed in here and there are a few scenes that are wasted we just wished the baddies’ story and plot could have been a bit bigger but it was made up for by casting such a f*ckable chief bad guy with hot henchmen too – we bet they get it on balls deep down the thug gym.

    Rating – 66 %

  • FILM REVIEW | The Magnificent Seven

    THE MAGNIFICENT SEVEN – 56 years on from the original we get an almost note for note remake of the most famous Western ever made with big stars and modern day stunt action.

    Nutshell – They just don’t make films like this anymore. This is as old-fashioned as a guy using a condom for a shag in a London gay fetish bar or sauna. A town in peril recruits Seven loners to help defend them against a veritable army of bad guys, cue a very extended climax which not everyone is going to make it through in one piece – it feels very dated but that might be its charm and with two massive lead actors it is a worthwhile popcorn guzzler.

    Running Time – 133 minutes; Certificate – 12A

    Tagline – ‘Justice Has A Number’.

    The Gay UK Factor – Two hours of hot men in cowboy gear, it’s like Brokeback Mountain with a lot more sweat and testosterone. There is a massive subliminal gay undercurrent between two of the Mag 7 who always seem just 5 seconds away from slipping their tongues up each other’s mouths and jumping into the ‘saddle’ to explore the reverse cowboy position for a decent shag. The fact that the two guys in question are the hottest men here namely Pratt and Garcia-Rulfo make this virtual Western gay porn.

    Cast – The Seven are – Denzel Washington, Chris Pratt (Hot off of Guardians of the Galaxy and Jurassic Park), Ethan Hawke, Vincent D’Onofrio, our newest man crush Manuel Garcia-Rulfo plus two more and Peter Sarsgaard on bad guy duties.

    Key Player – Denzel Washington just has that star quality that holds your attention in any scene of any movie and no difference here – and it’s his first time in cowboy gear.

    Budget – $90 Million, Not a runaway hit but will turn a small profit we predict.

    Best Bit – 1.40 mins; When the bad guys get out their secret weapon and the tables take a major turn for the worse against our team of Seven and their townsfolk buddies.

    Worst Bit – 0.45 mins; Still travelling around the Midwest recruiting the allotted number of outlaws/vigilantes but it’s getting a bit repetitive now.

    Little Secret – This is a remake of the original Mag 7 from 1960 which itself was a remake of the Seven Samurai from Six years earlier. The ‘So Far So Good’ joke told by Chris Pratt is the same as the Steve McQueen joke in the original. Pratt’s horse was the same talented beast that starred in Spielberg’s War Horse movie.

    Further Viewing – This is as generic a Western as you will see so anything from True Grit to Rio Bravo, High Noon, The Searchers, Stagecoach, Unforgiven or even gay cowboy porn like Fisting Ranch Hands or To The Last Man where a bottle of Jack Daniels is used as a dildo!

    Any Good – Actually yes it is – there is nothing overly clever here but you will be engaged as the slow build of the film leads to the extended action climax where you really route for all the protagonists some of which probably won’t make it out alive.

    Rating – 54/100 (54th out of the last 100 films reviewed with 1 being Gay UK filmatic heaven and 100 being a dud).

  • FILM REVIEW | Inferno

    FILM REVIEW | Inferno

    INFERNO – First we had The DaVinci Code then Angels and Demons now the fourth Robert Landon story becomes the third Dan Brown film adaption.

    film review of Inferno with Tom Hanks
    Jonathan Prime – (c) 2015 CTMG, Inc. All rights reserved.

     

    Nutshell – Tom Hanks globe trots across Europe once again working out cryptic historical clues in another intelligent adventure from one of the Worlds favourite authors. This time the race is against the clock to save mankind from an apocalyptical plague that a nutter has created who has laid the trail along the descent Dantes legendary inferno.

    Running Time – 121 minutes that fly by; Certificate – 12A

    Tagline – ‘Every clue will take him deeper’, ‘Humanity’s last hope’

    The Gay UK Factor – Mr blue eyes himself and one of America’s finest hunks of manhood Ben Foster struts his sexy as f*** stuff as the bad guy and boy does he fill out a designer suit well and we love a stud who dresses to the left suited and booted.

    Cast – Tom Hanks (looking old) v Ben Foster (looking buff) helped by Felicity Jones, Omar Sy and Irffan Khan reunited after living through Jurassic Park.

    Key Player – Dan Brown, the writer who stopped the world with the DaVinci Code’s reveal about the Last Supper picture and Jesus having a child comes up with more great inventive twists in a great thriller that wraps straight from today’s headlines mixes in great art and historical locations and then adds loads of chases so what’s not to like.

    Budget – $75 Million but the yanks aren’t getting it so not busting blocks there but it is storming museum and cinema walls Internationally making a small fortune so easily making up for America’s lack of class here.

    Best Bit – 0.58 mins; A deadly chase across a museum rooftop which is oh so tense with a stunning final stunt… Does everyone live?

    Worst Bit – 1.40 mins; A very aged Hanks has to start fighting the baddies mano et mano when he would obviously rather be at home watching Country File with a mug of Horlicks.

    Little Secret – Neither Director Ron Howard or star Tom Hanks ever do live action sequels (The exception being Toy story). This trio is their one exception but they see the books as all stand alone projects so don’t count as sequels. So don’t get your hopes up for Forrest Gump 2:Back to the chocolates, Apollo 14, Sleepless In San Francisco or Philadelphia:The PrEP Years.

    Further Viewing – Obviously The DaVinci Code and Angels and Demons then Jack Reacher, The Girl On The Train, The Game, Gone Girl and Insomnia.

    Any Good – It is not as good as the previous two films but they set a very high bar. This is still a very entertaining two hours with not a wasted scene as all the explanation is craftily woven in and out of the action and the big set pieces. Another very clever piece of work from this franchise.

    Rating – 56%

  • Finally, the world’s first Hollywood gay porn film, King Cobra

    Finally, the world’s first Hollywood gay porn film, King Cobra

    We have had Al Pacino in the gay leather epic Cruising and Mark Wahlberg in the straight porn classic Boogie Nights and this month gay porn hits your multiplexes in the form of King Cobra a James Franco project and you simply won’t believe its incredible back story.

    CREDIT: King Cobra
    CREDIT: King Cobra

     

    This movie ripped straight from the headlines is “based on a true story” of the early career of the biggest gay porn star of the moment, Brent Corrigan. The movie stars Christian Slater (Robin Hood Prince Of Thieves), James Franco (Spiderman), Alicia Silverstone (Clueless) and Molly Ringwald (The Breakfast Club), yes this is one big expensive Hollywood cast and it contains a whole host of man on man gay sex too as we take a peek behind the curtain of the world gay porn industry.

    The film which stormed the Toronto Film Festival had its European premiere at the London Film Festival recently before going on full release in Europe and across North America from 21st October. The film has stirred up a lot of controversies as it shows the discovery of Brent Corrigan before two other agents then decide to take charge of his mega career which leads to an infamous murder that shocked the porn industry, remember this is real and true life story.

    The controversy has been fanned by Brent himself refusing to support the movie and worse has denounced it on social media as taking liberties with his life story and massively showing the gay porn industry which Brent is a big supporter of in a very bad light.

     

    ALSO READ: 11 of the hottest moments of King Cobra

     

    The film directed by Justin Kelly is based on the successful book Cobra Killer written by Andrew E Stoner and Peter A Conway. It centres on the 2007 murder of gay porn producer Bryan Kocis (played in the film by Christian Slater) by two aspiring producers (James Franco as Joe and Keegan Allen as Harlow) who wanted to buy out Corrigan’s performing contract. It is doing great business which you would expect with that A-list Hollywood cast and with the huge interest factor of being the first real mainstream foray into our hugely popular and sleazy gay porn royalty world.

    The Idaho-born Brent Corrigan was coerced into the gay porn industry at the earth shatteringly underage of 17-years-old. He immediately won Best Newcomer awards but was denounced from many a porn award stage by the likes of uber-producer Michael Lucas for lying about his age to get work and also the studios that used him knowing he was too underage to have bum sex in any form never mind on film in front of millions of viewers. His boyfriend, who he met when he was 16, got him to do his first gay porn film with Bryan Kocis who was also his scene partner then immediately signed him to a six picture deal and paid him for his first scene with a second hand Vauxhall Jetta car rather than cash.

    Kocis’s company was called Cobra Studios and he continued sleeping with the underage Corrigan privately as he had done with other guys as young as 15. Brent soon became unhappy at Cobra.

    Writing on his blog in 2007 Brent shared,

    “Every scene Bryan has had me shoot with him he insists on making the boys cum in my face. I HATE CUM IN MY FACE. I hate it. Bryan knew I hated it. I don’t care how many people out there think it’s hot, it sucks to do it on set.

    “On top of it, I have somewhat of a sensitive skin type. Each time it happens, my face becomes irritated and red after the shoot.

    “So basically every time you see a picture with cum on my face, just know that I’m unhappy doing it.

    “I’m sure this is why since my falling out with Cobra Video; Bryan has made it a point to put a considerable more amount of pictures out there with cum on my face.”

    Brent was ready to work for others and Joe and Harlow two up and coming producers were keen to make a blockbuster film with Corrigan but instead of entering into contract arrangements and sharing the rewards they cack-handedly decided to kill Kocis instead and not just any old murder we are talking decapitation here and 28 stab wounds – remember this is all a true story from the wacky world of gay ass-banging on film.

    To see the whole story and what happens next go see the film that is picking up rave reviews and getting in advance of 75% positive ratings from the world’s critics. Brent went on to have the biggest career of recent times and he has a great life working with his number one passion horses in New Mexico so not all porn stars have sad tales. As we speak in October 2016 he has 190,000 followers on twitter which is the highest number of any guy doing either gay or straight porn on planet earth – he is much loved.

    As we speak in October 2016 he has 190,000 followers on twitter which is the highest number of any guy doing either gay or straight porn on planet earth – he is much loved.

    During the filming, Brent went on record, writing on his Facebook page, about his involvement,

    “The internet has been a buzz regarding some recent news that a movie is being filmed right now in New York State chronicling the Bryan Kocis murder and the early days of my adult career. I was originally approached to be a part of the film as a consultant and the cast. I was asked to play a small part in the film and declined the role. Ultimately, I chose to move forward with my own plans to finally release my book in place of taking part in someone else’s presentation of events that I personally lived as a young adult. Even with the time that has passed, the memories are still very real and raw for me.”

    “Yes, I’ll see it. (he added) Likely in the independent theatre with everyone else. I’m stubborn, but still curious. I have very poignant ideas about the screenplay, which was presented to me about 10 days before principle photography was slated to begin in New York. I met with the director and his agent. They were insensitive right out of the gate in our interactions with them. They wanted me to come on board without even considering what dredging all that up was really asking of me.”

    He continued,

    “When it was all said and done, I had no dealings with Franco or his people. I chose to stay out of it because it was clear to me they were not trying to make a movie that would serve gay men, the gay adult industry, or any justice with what happened to Bryan, or what I lived through with Grant [Roy]. Grant played an integral part of the investigation, He wore a wire for the feds! I was always just the bait, but Grant was the true hero. These filmmakers couldn’t even write him a part in the movie. They made it seem like I navigated it all alone and even went so far to present their version of me as extorting Bryan. I never did that. I wanted out and away, and I hid behind Grant and the law when push came to shove. I was a kid, not a martyr.”

    Brent has loads more to say on his social media so go check it out about the movie and the forthcoming book which we will feature when it is published.

  • FILM REVIEW | Sausage Party

    FILM REVIEW | Sausage Party

    SAUSAGE PARTY – Very adult full length animation movie about life inside a supermarket for the foodstuffs; Think South Park with a lot more sex jokes and liberal use of the c word… and it is making a fortune.

    Courtesy of Sony Pictures - © 2016 CTMG, Inc. All Rights Reserved.
    Courtesy of Sony Pictures – © 2016 CTMG, Inc. All Rights Reserved.paul

    Nutshell – A sausage and his mates start to question that there future may not be all there beliefs and food gods tell them when they are eventually purchased and taken out of the supermarket. On top the desire of the lead character sausage to get inside a female soft bun is all encompassing. Think an 18 cert version of Family Guy or The Simpsons and it is one of the funniest films you will ever see.

    Running Time – 89 minutes; Certificate – 15.

    Tagline – ‘She’s Got Buns, Son” and “Check Out His Package”.

    The Gay UK Factor – Loads of dick jokes, f***ing jokes, used condoms and a load of swearing – you get a f*ck, motherf*cker and a ‘see you next Tuesday’ in the opening minute and it doesn’t let up. There is a Jewish guy and a Muslim guy who obviously hate each other until they start gay ass banging using hummus for lube that would be heard from both sides of the Israeli West Bank. This is 100% boys only humour and the last 10 minutes is a scream with the biggest sex orgy ever put on screen.

    Cast – (Voices) Seth Rogen, Kristen Wiig, Jonah Hill, James Franco, Salma Heyek, Paul Rudd, Michael Cera, Bill Hader, Edward Norton – now that is an awful lot of funny folk.

    Key Player – This is Seth Rogen’s baby and he is involved in all parts of it. If you like his type of humour or indeed any of the adult animated TV shows currently filling the airwaves then this treatise on atheism, religion and unbridled lust is for you.

    Budget – $19 Million, Already made 5 times its budget back and only released in one territory – a bona fide blockbusting hit. Hot Dog this is starting to look like the most profitable movie of the Year – who knew adults would flock to such a gross out cartoon.

    Best Bit – 0.75 mins; You will cheer when the foodstuffs finally turn on the shoppers, which leads to the bad guy’s ass being seriously douched on the way to that massive ginormous orgy.

    Worst Bit – 0.04 mins; There is an opening big number which is trying to be South Park and is not catchy or funny and with no other songs in the movie just seems out of place.

    Little Secret – This is the first CGI film in history to get an R Rating (The next rating is X which excludes it from many cinema chains)….Guess what, it has become the highest grossing R Rated animation in history beating the South Park Movie and it cost absolute peanuts. An average Pixar film like say Finding Nemo or Toy Story costs 100 million to make this came in at less than one fifth and is really busting blocks worldwide.

    Movie Mistake – All the characters are apparently aware of the concept of humans eating, and that they are foodstuffs themselves, yet act horrified when they discover that they are to be eaten later on… big plot hole.

    Further Viewing – Cross them off, Family Guy, American Dad, The Simpsons Movie, South Park: Bigger Longer & Uncut, Meet The Feebles (Except the AIDS stuff), Team America: World Police, Watership Down and even Beavis & Butthead if you must.

    Any Good – Humour is the ultimate marmite. This really has split the reviewers and fans right down the middle. Hopefully, you like us will laugh until your sides hurt or will be wandering what all the fuss is about. Time to suck the sausage, test your gay reflex and see.

    Rating – 22%