THEGAYUK

Author: Paul Stag

  • FILM REVIEW | Eurovision Song Contest The Story Of Fire Saga

    FILM REVIEW | Eurovision Song Contest The Story Of Fire Saga

    Rating: 4 out of 5.

    EUROVISION SONG CONTEST THE STORY OF FIRE SAGA – A big-budget comedy musical extravaganza about our favourite pan European gay as anything song contest with added Australia of course. A perfect very knowing made with love homage including all the clichés & idiocies from the 64-year-old event which of course this year was postponed due to the pandemic and replaced with a well-received online show including clips from this film.., but this movie partly makes up for the lack of the original this year. Available on Netflix.

    Nutshell – Lars and Sigrit from a small fishing town in Iceland inspired by watching Abba sing “Waterloo” at the 1974 show become singers with big dreams of entering and winning Eurovision. With the aid of some fun pop songs, four of which have already charted in the UK for real, weird outfits ludicrous gimmicks and the help of some mountain elves the duo due to a plot twist taken entirely from a Father Ted episode get their chance to compete in the Edinburgh finals but it is anything but an easy ride not least as Iceland don’t really want to win as they cannot afford to host it the following year and also because of a smarmy Russian singer who is attracted to Sigrit.

    Running Time – 123 Minutes – Cert PG-12.

    Tagline – ‘Nobody Wins Solo’… a key to where the plot goes.

    The Gay UK Factor – There are three membership requirements to be gay 1 a sexual attraction to your same-sex, 2 you must watch and study every episode of RuPaul’s Drag Race and 3 You must worship at the pool of Eurovision. This film is as gay as Linsey Graham’s dress closet being stormed by Lady Gaga and Kylie for a World Pride party at the MET Ball. To help you also get continual commentary from Mr Graham Norton playing himself and for sex appeal the hottest thing to come out of Downton Abbey Dan Stevens in a chest exposing scene-stealing supporting role… but is he gay, well throughout the movie there are heavy hints although he is also pursuing Sigrit consistently but at the end when told ‘That he deserves to be happy’ he replies ‘Mother Russia does not agree’ meaning the country he represents has very well-known retarded anti-gay relationship views.  

    Cast – Will Ferrell, Rachel McAdams, Dan Stevens, Piers Brosnan as the sceptical dad, Graham Norton, Demi Lovato and all your Eurovision winning stars that you can tick off as they cameo such as Neta, Conchita Wurst, Alexander Rybak, Jamala, Loreen…etc plus a number of new acts which could fit into any edition of the last few years. 

    Key Player – This is written, produced by and of course starring Will Ferrell who is a massive fan of the contest and what the contest means to our Continent as he is married to a Swedish lady. The love he has for the event and its intricacies like who votes for whom and everyone hating the UK so they will get zero points etc is evident throughout. Done in the same style and with the same humour as all his movies so you will already know what to expect in tone. He camps it up like crazy and has the most fun he has probably ever had and with the worst wig possible to boot. That said you will be hanging even more on the Dan Stevens scenes as he steals, robs and plain nicks the movie whilst everyone else is gluing their sequins on.

    Budget – $35 Million but it looks glitzier. This is a Netflix original and with the likes of Chris Hemsworth, Tom Hanks and Spike Lee releasing their latest films exclusively on online platforms together with the likes of The Lady And The Tramp and Hamilton then Box Office is measured in a very different way from cinema ticket stubs. It is now all about new subscribers with Netflix alone adding 16 million new members in March of this year and Disney Plus being launched to spectacularly great figures it seems that film production and its money-making potential has entirely flipped across into a whole new exciting world.

    Best Bit – 1.04 mins; As Eurovision aficionados will know to get through to the Saturday final a country has to successfully navigate one of the Two semi-finals. That is utilised in the movie to great effect as in all these types of films the main characters have to have a major setback before they get things together in the film’s climax here Fire Saga has the worst possible three minutes on stage in front of an audience you could imagine, it is cringeworthy and oh so funny.

    Worst Bit – 0.07 mins; The two main villains here are lightweight to say the least. An underused Pierce Brosnan as the father has very little to do in an undercooked role and the head of the Finnish selection committee is as threatening as Alan Carr and Louis Spence in a fistfight. Yet in a movie like this, you don’t really need the drama just the acres of glitz, sparkle and neon matched by heavy doses of eternal hope and ambition.

    Little Secret – Will Ferrell’s interest in the Eurovision Song Contest began when his Swedish wife Viveca Paulin took him to her cousin’s house in May 1999 and the family turned the competition on. He always spends his Summers in Scandinavia. Since then, he kept following it. In 2014, Ferrell travelled to Copenhagen, to watch the finale of The Eurovision Song Contest live in which Conchita Wurst was crowned the winner whom he met. He was given full access to the Lisbon finals in 2018 including all rehearsals and backstage access as research for this movie.          

    Further Viewing – Pitch Perfect’s 1-3, Sing, A Chorus Line, Sister Act 2, American Dreamz, Talladega Nights, Blades Of Glory, Get Hard, Step Brothers and anything involving the words Zoolander, Daddy’s, Home or Anchorman.

    Any Good – This is great and is so happy it will provide the perfect tonic and lift for anyone in these strange times. It helps if you are not allergic to Mr Ferrell and also if you are an avid consumer of Eurovision you will get a lot more from all the knowing little asides. It has a wonderful feel about it and just wants to entertain with no wish or likelihood of winning Oscars and there is nothing wrong with that.

    Many of the songs you wish were longer and you may want to buy the CD which is already Top 5 but most of all you will feel better for seeing it. It’s been a while maybe not since Mamma Mia Here We Go Again, Pride or Rocketman that we have had a fun gay film that just wants to make you feel good as opposed to all the wrist wringing queer kitchen sink struggles and dramas that usually pass for gay cinema.

    ‘Hello Edinburgh, we hope you are having a great night and we love your dress. Without further ado, it is 10 points to Russia but our 12 points go to … (Pause for added dramatic effect)… ICELAND’ !!!

    4 STARS

  • FILM REVIEW | Last Christmas – not a funny movie

    FILM REVIEW | Last Christmas – not a funny movie

    ★★★ | Last Christmas

    LAST CHRISTMAS – Festive rom com based on the massive two million selling Christmas hit single by George Michael and Wham of the same name backed up by as many of his other hits as Emma Thompson who is in charge here both in front of and behind the camera can squeeze into the short running time. There are Christmas baubles in every single scene.

    Nutshell – An accident prone singleton who is unlucky in love played by Game Of Thrones ‘Queen Of Dragons’ Emilia Clark works in a all year round Covent garden Christmas Grotto Store and she simply loves George Michael music. She meets a new man who has an element of mystery about him but her life really starts to change for the better with his on/off input leading towards a surprising denouement… that some will see coming a mile off.

    Running Time – 103 Minutes – Cert PG-12A.

    Tagline – ‘Sometimes You just gotta have Faith’

    The Gay UK Factor – It is a very ‘straight’ romantic tale with the usual cinema ups and downs so the gay appeal besides the hot male lead Henry Golding all comes in the form of the soundtrack. GM is one of the most successful and popular gay singers of all time and his songs are much loved and hold up superbly well with time. It is great to hear them again largely in their original versions – their relevance to individual movie scenes is another matter all together though.  

    Cast – Emilia Clark, Henry Golding, Michelle Yeoh, Emma Thomson and a cast of star cameos including Patti Lapone, Rob Delaney, Sue Perkins and even Mr Richard Notting Hill/4 Weddings/Love Actually (which this film aims to be) Curtis… plus two big surprise appearances in the final scene. 

    Key Player – We would love to say the lovely talented actor/director Emma Thompson but tbh her input in both roles are not her career high points so it is back to Georgie boy again who gave Thompson his permission to use his songs before his untimely death. You get 13 of his most well known songs (some in their entirety) and the much publicised new unreleased song ‘This Is How (We want You To Get High)’ which is mid table GM probably at best… it sure ain’t no ‘Careless Whisper’ or ‘A Different Corner’ that’s for sure.

    Budget – $25 Million which is as cheap as chips and it has already made $37 Million with 5 weeks to still go to the big guy in the red suit who like our editor only comes once a year turns up. Christmas films do tend to have long legs in the earning stakes becoming relevant Love Actually/It’s A Wonderful Life stylee every year on DVT/TV/Streaming etc so a potential good little earner and it won’t do George’s record sales any damage either which is great for many of his favoured charities.

    Best Bit – 1.05 mins; The movie starts getting into its belated heart warming third act just at the right time as you are wandering where it is going with some fun busking and charity fund raising which fits as perfectly with all the snow and Xmas trees here as a cock in a tinseled glory hole.

    Worst Bit – 0.44 mins; A staged bit of early romance on an ice rink is forced in like a set piece that seemed like a good idea on paper but it just doesn’t work and the GM track is a very poor fit which misses the hoped for emotional target by a few thousand candy canes… maybe Ace Of Spades, Anarchy in The UK , Gangnam Style or Baby Shark would have worked better.

    Little Secret – George Michael wrote ‘Last Christmas’ one of the most famous festive songs in history when he was just 17 years old. Impressive but get this he had written ‘Wake Me Up Before You Go Go’, ‘Freedom’, ‘Club Tropicana’, ‘Young Guns’, ‘Bad Boy’s and unbelievably ‘Careless Whisper’ before he was 18 when the rest of us were still learning how to jack off properly.

    It was probably the most prolific bout of songwriting in History that even members of the Beatles would struggle to compete with. ‘Last Christmas’ was a double A-side with ‘Everything She Wants’ and famously is the biggest selling song in History to never make number one. It is the Third biggest selling Christmas song ever behind Band Aid and Boney M’s hummable ‘Mary’s Boy Child’ far outstripping Slade/Shaky/Mariah/Pogues/Wizard/Cliff/Bing et al.

    It has been a hit on 16 separate occasions a world record and it has just reached 90 weeks on the chart which is phenomenal for a tune with not all year round appeal but for some reason it failed to make the Top 20 in the US.    

    Further Viewing – You can probably make this list yourself but start with About Time, It’s A Wonderful Life, Walking On Sunshine, Four Weddings, Ever After, Two Weeks Notice, Sleepless In Seattle, Notting Hill, The Wedding Singer, Muriel’s Wedding, the magnificent Pretty Woman and You’ve Got Mail which this is basically a carbon copy off this film but that was better.

    Any Good – It is OK which most people will see as a disappointment as the idea and premise seems fool proof. It just does not deliver on the promise. The Christmas feel is great so you will feel in the holiday mood on leaving a screening but there are two fundamental flaws.

    Firstly the movie just is not that funny and we expect you may laugh once every 30 minutes and that simply is not good enough.

    Secondly and even more damaging is the songs with the exception of the headline song’s three appearances have no relevance to the scenes they are in, they seem crow barred in and could actually be swapped with any other GM song without anyone noticing…

    Mamma Mia Here We Go Again / LaLa Land or Rocketman this is not. 

    Rating – 41/100

  • FILM REVIEW | Once Upon A Time In Hollywood

    FILM REVIEW | Once Upon A Time In Hollywood

    ★★★★ | One Upon A Time In Hollywood

    Brad Pitt star in Columbia Pictures “Once Upon a Time in Hollywood”

    Nutshell – Brad Pitt and Leonardo DiCaprio together for almost three hours and one of them goes shirtless… not enough? Well, this is Quentin Tarantino’s 9th and apparently, his penultimate movie a homage to the last Golden days of Hollywood, set in 1969 with the Manson murders of Sharon Tate & friends washing around in the background. Two hours of fantastically nostalgic beautiful cinematography & set dressing followed by some standard Tarantino blood lust at the denouement making it possibly the directors weirdest film to date. Leo is a fading movie star and Pitt is his stuntman. The former lives in the Hollywood Hills right next to a house just let to Mr Polanski and Ms Tate,

    Running Time – 161 Minutes so bring a cushion – Cert – 18, and yes you get plenty of language and violence for your buck.

    Tagline – ‘The 9th Film From Quentin Tarantino’ yes that is what they are going with to get you through the doors.

    The Gay UK Factor – The two leading men are and have always been gay icons and eye candy ever since we saw the unknown Brad’s abs in Thelma & Louise where he was playing an escort (we should be so lucky) and DiCaprio ‘s hair was wafting in the wind of a certain sinking ship. In many ways, they have never looked fitter than they do in this film and the camera lingers on every part of their body with a gorgeous soft glow throughout especially their (and everyone’s else feet) which has always been a kink of QT’s so heaven for foot fetishists everywhere. Brad Pitt has an elongated shirtless scene which is a distinct highlight and later LDC jumps into the pool to compete for you masturbatory fantasies.

    Cast – Leonardo DiCaprio, Brad Pitt, Margot Robbie (Hugely underused), Emile Hersh, Dakota Fanning plus cameos from Bruce Dern, Al Pacino & Damian Lewis and the very sexy hunks that are Luke Perry & Timothy Olyphant.

    Key Player – This is the writer, director & co-producer show and if you like QT then you have been waiting for his new movie for a while, if not a fan then the weird structure here may not convert you. It is definitely his most beautiful but is it lazy, overlong or indulgent… probably a bit of both.

    Budget – $90 Million and you often wonder how he produces such a fantastic 1969 look right throughout the film so cheaply, simply it looks a lot more expensive. QT films always make money (except the niche Jackie Brown) and at double the cost at the Box Office already then this is a hit but will it out gross Pulp Fiction and Django Unchained we think that running time and confusing word of mouth may halt it?

    Best Bit 1.28 mins; A very tense and languid confrontation between Pitt’s stunt man character and some of the Manson families followers on their derelict ranch home. As this film is not factual you don’t really know where this or other scenes are going and it is all the better for that. Rewriting history could be not big and not clever but it sure works here.

    Worst Bit – 0.40 mins; The Sharon Tate and Roman Polanski scenes are a bit undercooked and feel tacked on although they are of course vital to the film. Sharon has a long drawn out visit to a cinema to see a movie she is starring in which is certainly where the editor’s scissors should have started to maybe bring this marathon movie down under two hours.

    Little Secret – This maybe QT’s ‘9th film’ according to publicity but in fact, he has 22 directing credits and even more writing credits at 30… he has acted in 37 movies but it is difficult to remember any of them as he is not gonna give Daniel Day-Lewis a run for his money. Most of his films are 18 Certificate including this one.

    We checked the most successful 18 movies in History and found that there is only one ‘Horror’ film in the top 20 (Hannibal) the rest are made up of films there sometimes for violence but most commonly for swearing and the number one 18 Cert adult film of all time surprisingly is The Wolf Of Wall Street… no sex, no violence, no horror just Leo DiCaprio’s filthy mouth did his Mum not wash it out with soap enough when he was young.

    Further Viewing – Pulp Fiction, Reservoir Dogs, The Hateful 8, Kill Bill 1 and 2, Inglorious Bastards, Django Unchained you get the idea plus anything by Robert Rodriguez or Chris Nolan, Helter Skelter, The Manson family, The Black Dahlia, Hollywoodland and in fact any film that glorifies Hollywood’s past from Sunset Boulevard right through to La La Land.

    Any Good – Is it Tarantino’s best? No, but it is certainly way ahead of most other movies and a pleasant change to endless sequels and instantly recognisable blockbuster fare. In one word this is Art and it is not about making money although it will do that. Its structure is strange the longest build-up in cinema history slowly VERY SLOWLY introducing us to all its characters as they head into the last 30-minute typical Tarantinoesque showdown which is a major shot to the gut when the style change finally arrives.

    This reviewer is not the biggest QT fan but we enjoyed it more than any of the other eight but it is not for everyone as we said at the top this film is weird. If he directs another film it will be a Star Trek of all things and we hope he does as we cannot wait to see what he makes of a sci-fi franchise but we bet Kirk calls Spock a fucking big-eared c..t at some point as they get beamed up.

    Rating – 74/100

  • FILM REVIEW | Fast the Furious Hobbs and Shaw

    ★★★★ | FAST & FURIOUS : HOBBS & SHAW

    Nutshell – Two huge gay icons get their own spin-off (sort of) from the mega Successful F&F franchise. The cop and villain from the last four movies Misters Johnson & Statham have to chase the latest MacGuffin world killing virus through London, Russia and The South Seas in the biggest stunts of the year.

    Incredible action, but with these two highly likeable stars you get so much comedy to balance it out often aimed at The Stath’s height or The Rocks muscles and everything is a fun competition between these two even bashing heads.

    Running Time – 137 Minutes – Cert PG-12A.

    Tagline – ‘One is fast & the other is Furious but there is a new protagonist in town’

    The Gay UK Factor – With two of the fittest men in movies together for their own extended films this is a gay guy into muscle’s wet dream and the film they have been waiting for all year.

    The eternal mano et-mano posturing throughout here is reminiscent of every bit of gym or locker room banter you have ever heard and they do everything together except fuck. The Rock even goes shirtless for an extended Haka scene and the Stath jokes about him losing his baby oil…

    It could not get any queerer if the stars of Rocketman, Bohemian Rhapsody and Mamma Mia turned up for a lip-sync battle mid car chase.

    Idris Elba also goes shirtless too more than once as do many of the hot macho henchmen.

    Cast – Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson, Jason Statham, Idris Elba on bad guy duties & Vanessa Kirby as the female lead and then we have a new thing in F&F land endless cameos from Helen Mirren, Rob Delaney, Kevin Hart, Ryan Reynolds, etc etc.

    Key Player – This is the perfect double act. The producers saw the chemistry between these two guys in The Fast & The Furious and greenlit this new strand especially as The Rock and Vin Diesel were at loggerheads constantly so a new direction was needed. They are both the ultimate believable action heroes rather than say short arse Tom cruise who both have perfect comic timing that would get them a slot on Live At The Apollo any day of the week.

    Budget – $200 Million and it is all up there on the screen with one massive gravity-defying set piece after another. Worldwide Box office for the first week was 180 Mil and that was without the lucrative Chinese market where this series really cleans up. This is a box office bonus bonanza for Universal Studios being their 5th biggest opening of all time (And most of them are previous entries in this saga) it is also the biggest opening ever of both these two megastars.

    Best Bit – 1.16 mins; There is a tremendous car/bike chase through the busy packed streets of London’s Square mile early on but all the best bits come from the one-liners and they peak in a tremendous corridor fight scene where the stars wordplay hugely tops the great martial arts action with the endless gun-toting goons.

    Worst Bit – 0.28 mins; Jason Statham is 52 years old whilst Vanessa Kirby is 31yo but looks 10 years younger and here we are supposed to believe that they are brother and Sister & that she is an unstoppable fighting machine. It requires more suspension of disbelief and the strangest casting since a tank top wearing Denise Richards was cast as Dr Christmas Jones ‘a nuclear expert’ in James Bond’s The World Is Nor Enough.

    Little Secret – With the exception of the tropical climax and the studio scenes this film is shot entirely on location in the UK from Glasgow to The City Of London via High Wycombe and part of the fun is spotting the many locations you may know well… even the supposed many Russian set scenes are filmed across our fair isle.

    When this was greenlit it so annoyed Vin Diesel that he cut some of Johnson’s scenes in the last F&F film as he was exec producer and then failed to turn up for a days work leaving over 1,000 crew members idle. Idris Elba refused to say a scripted line for his character, calling himself “the black James Bond”. He instead used the phrase “black Superman” not to look too needy that he wanted the 007 job.

    Further Viewing – Fast & Furious 1-8, Need For Speed, The Cannonball Run, All Mission Impossibles, Spy, I Spy, and any mismatched buddy film from The Lethal Weapons to The Rush Hours, Bad Boys, Midnight Run & The 48 Hours movies not Wild Wild West though or anything with the words Jay & Silent Bob in them..

    Any Good – You know what you are getting here and there are no surprises but what you do get is another great chapter if you like this sort of thing and it seems everyone from 11-61yo does judging by its receipts. The surprise is the humour which really works and gives a great 80’s hit movie feel to it. The action is on par but maybe no real wow moment as in previous chapters but this is still great fun and the long-running time flies by.

    Whether this franchise goes down the Hobbs & Shaw route or back to the Vin Diesel ‘It’s all about family’ set-up time will tell but this is now the third longest-running franchise in history just passing Harry Potter and you would not bet on this overtaking Star Wars very soon.

    77/100

  • Men In Black International Review: Not as good as the sum of its parts

    Men In Black International Review: Not as good as the sum of its parts

    ★★☆☆☆ | MEN IN BLACK INTERNATIONAL

    (C) Columbia Pictures

    The 4th MIB movie coming 7 years after the last one and 22 years after we first met the super agents with no Will Smith, no Tommy Lee Jones but the welcome addition of sex god Chris Hemsworth.

    Nutshell – The secret well-dressed sunglass wearing organisation that exists to protect the earth from aliens and the scum of the universe are back in a loud CGI action-heavy film that in theory sits alongside the original trilogy rather than being a sequel. Almost all new characters and this time with a lot of globetrotting to Europe and Morocco as they try to stop another alien villain and protect yet another artefact hidden on earth but the bigger problem is that there is a mole in the Men In Black hierarchy – our money is on the Pug dog.

    Running Time – 114 Minutes – Cert 12A.

    Tagline – The World’s Not Going To Save Itself

    The Gay UK Factor – Chris Hemsworth is one of the world’s best-looking men. Of course, Hemsworth in a tight designer suit showing every inch of his massive firm buttocks is something right from the top end of the wank fantasies – the ones we reserve in the back of our brain for the intense vinegar strokes. Not enough for ya? Well, you get a two-minute extended topless scene at the start of the film… We have seen this movie six times so far and counting for that alone.

    Cast – Chris Hemsworth, Tessa Thompson, Liam Neeson, Rafe Small, Kayvan Novak and the only major returning cast member Emma Thompson… no Will Smith or Tommy Lee Jones and boy do we miss their chemistry here as the two leads mix about as well as Madonna’s music does with the current charts.

    Key Player – For the first time ever we cannot spot one. The directors, writers, cast etc are all retreading a tried and tested formula for ever diminishing results. The new CG chess piece character gets all the best lines though and our marriage proposal to Hemsworth is not rescinded by this but he just cannot carry a comedy on his own as he is better as the straight man to a comedians foil – now Will and him that could have been one-liner heaven but Will wanted to be Aladdin‘s genie instead.

    Budget – $110 Million – Thank goodness they kept this budget down as it is just not flying like the previous films in the trilogy. The first week it took the entire world box office to break even so now it can start making some profit which it will do but don’t expect any sequels as you file this under slightly disappointing.

    Best Bit – 0.48 mins; We get a very thrilling fight with the invaders in a studio set London street which has great action and well-placed comedy beats and it works well. Shame this balance couldn’t be kept up elsewhere – an action comedy needs both to be effective and this is often lacking in either one or the other at most points and often both.

    Worst Bit – 1.15 mins; Lots of little bits here don’t come off including a by the numbers hoverbike chase not as good as in MIB 3 but none more so obvious than the flying car in a secret organisation. Harry Potter and Chitty Chitty Bang Bang did this better. It underlines an attempt to make everything bigger than we have seen before but too much smaller returns. So much possibility ends in something not bad but just average and is that not condemnation enough for a blockbuster.

    Little Secret – Believe it or not the MIB universe also includes the 21/22 Jump Street movies. The film was originally going to be a Jump Street / Men in Black crossover with Channing Tatum and Jonah Hill reprising their roles from that franchise when Smith and Jones refused to do another MIB. However, plans fell apart, so it became a spin-off with Chris Hemsworth and Tessa Thompson. Chris Hemsworth announced shortly after the release of this film that he would take a break from acting (not because of this film we should add more to do with the end of the Avengers’ saga) to; a) stand for US President, b Join the Jonas Brothers, c) Start his much in demand gay porn career or d) be with his family… only one of these is correct.

    Further Viewing – Men In Black – 1-3, Ghostbusters 1-3, Austin Powers 1-3, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 1-3, Detective Pikachu, Pixels, Evolution, Space Jam and the king of sci-fi action comedies Galaxy Quest.

    Any Good – Not as good as the sum of its parts. There are two major problems. Firstly the original MIB was a breath of fresh air with great ideas from its wonderful characters in both the fore and background through to the classic number one hit single but then unlike a lot of other franchises instead of taking the best bits and improving on them they have gone the opposite way with every new addition to the set.

    Secondly whoever cast Hemsworth and Thomson as the leads here (They were together in the Thor films) has made a fatal error. We need a comedian of Will Smith’s character bouncing of a straight man like Tommy Lee Jones instead here we get two straight men/women delivering all the punch lines. You will enjoy the film but don’t expect a laugh a minute maybe one every 30 mins is closer and is that good enough for an action comedy?

    TWO STARS

  • FILM REVIEW | Rocketman

    FILM REVIEW | Rocketman

    ★★★★ | ROCKETMAN

    Taron Egerton as Elton John in Rocketman from Paramount Pictures.

    The story of Elton John, Is it a musical definitely, is it a biopic partly is it sanitised? No damn way – 25 years of his life from 17-42 years-old, warts and all with added chems and gay relationships.

    Nutshell – Not really a chronological life story nor with chronological music but a celebration of our favourite ivory tickler with the many up’s and just as many down’s. The songs are not sung by Elton but by Taron and the cast which makes it a bit more interesting than the straight Queen lip-syncing in Bo Rhap for example. We get his early none fame days, his breakthrough worldwide and all the drugs, rock n roll and gay sex you could want largely featuring the long relationship with Manager John Reid plus his straight marriage. The story goes up until he finally checks in to rehab in the early ’90s and gets clean for life so no Lion King, David Furnish, Billy Elliott, Princess Di or AIDS campaigning.

    Running Time – 121 Minutes – Cert 15.

    The Gay UK Factor – The costumes, the endless music with many songs turned into ready for the stage musical versions and not skimping on his voyage of sexual discovery including gay kissing so a huge gay appeal indeed. The legendary two bare man ass sex scene has not made the final cut though fingers crossed for the extended or outtake DVDs for fans of Egerton and Madden’s asses. Maybe just as well as the kissing and hugging are enough to get the movie banned in some backward thinking countries alone. Taron Egerton is one great looking guy for anyone’s wank bank and he is fully supported here by the lush Richard Madden and a Jamie Bell looking much hotter than we have ever seen before. A new gay icon has arrived and it is Billy Elliott himself all grown up and as masculine and f**kable as a striking coal miner.

    Cast – Taron Egerton, Jamie Bell, Richard Madden, Bryce Dallas-Howard, Gemma Jones, Stephen Graham fresh from a good throat slitting in Line Of Duty and even unbelievably a low key Keith lemon himself.

    Key Player – A three-way split between the director Dexter Fletcher fresh from his three week stint saving the Oscar sponge Bohemian Rhapsody and doing a better job here. Taron is sensational and he has a great singing voice and most importantly he does his own thing than rather doing an impersonation which was Elton’s request. Finally of course Sir Elton himself whose endless superb songbook could fill four movies and some. There are many favourites here but just as many missing and it truly helps the movie fly by surely demanding repeated viewings.

    Budget – $40 Million – Yet this has already made six figures and is heading for 200K fast. Maybe it won’t make the 800K that the Queen film made last year (and this is the better film) but it is a bona fide hit and Taron’s stock has gone up as fast as Elton’s greatest hits sales have. So get ready for the George Michael film, the Bon Jovi biopic, the Steps & Vengaboys films, How the Weather Girls became big, the biopic of Shakin Stevens and the Chesney Hawks story probably all being green lit as we speak.

    Best Bit – 0.44 mins; When Elt makes his big American breakthrough at the Troubadour club in LA, the singer, band and the entire audience all levitate to ‘Crocodile Rock’ as someone’s star goes stratospheric in one short night and things will never quite be the same again along the ‘Yellow Brick Road’.

    Worst Bit – 1.39 mins; There is nothing that out of step here but ‘Bennie And The Jets’ as a live performance is the weakest link in a very strong chain… maybe because we don’t really like that song in Europe (A number 1 in the US though). ‘Border Song’ goes nowhere but not helped by coming after an incredible version of ‘I want Love’ and do we really need ‘Tiny Dancer’ again when there are so many other hits that could jump straight in (Although frustratingly it’s lyric fits the movie like a glove).

    Little Secret – Over the years in development James McAvoy, Daniel Ratcliffe and Tom Hardy were to play Elton, the singer himself was originally very keen on Justin Trousersnake until he met Taron Egerton. Besides there filming together in the Kingsman sequel Taron also did a lengthy version of ‘I’m Still standing’ in the hit cartoon animal film ‘Sing’ as a giant Gorilla! The film suggests that Elton Hercules John took his first name from a band mate and the last name from John Lennon, in fact, it was inspired by the other sixties singer Long John Baldry… He took the name Hercules from Steptoe And Son’s rag and bone cart horse.

    Further Viewing – Bohemian Rhapsody, A Star Is Born, The Greatest Showman, Mamma Mia’s 1 & 2, Moulin Rouge, Mary Poppins Returns (with a few more ‘fks’ here’), Les Mis, Walk the Line and all Elton’s movie appearances from Pinball Wizard in Tommy through to him co-starring with a certain sexy as fk suited and booted Taron Egerton in Kingsman: The Golden Circle.

    Any Good – Yes, if you are not an Elton fan (what’s wrong with you!) and YESSSS if you like the John Lewis ad botherer from Pinner like a true gay music aficionado. This is great fun and it flies by as you count the hits off and wait in anticipation for ‘Your Song’ the title track or ‘I’m Still Standing’. You will learn a lot about the great man and really enjoy his and Bernie’s company for two happy hours.

    There could even be a sequel in our view there are enough quality tunes that is for sure. In the meanwhile let’s have the soundtrack, the sing-a-long cinema and DVD version and most importantly the hit stage show as this is ready to go with or without Ben Elton’s interference. Of course we all have fave Elton John tracks that we would love to have seen included ours would be ‘Lucy in The Sky With Diamonds’, ‘Sacrifice’ and ‘Nikita’ but there are 25 hits to be going on with here including a brand new song over the end credits which is as good as anything he has done.

    A great night out at the movies with what feels like an old friend – kudos to all involved.

    FOUR STARS

     

    In Cinemas now

  • 25 things you probably didn’t know about Eurovision

    25 things you probably didn’t know about Eurovision

    The 25 Things You Need To Know About The World’s Biggest Singing Contest.

    1) After World War 2 it was decided that something was needed to bring Europe together again. The first of the 63 contests was in 1956 adapted from the San Remo Music festival which started five years earlier in ’51. The UK joined the contest in 1957.

    2) Originally countries had two songs in each year’s contest.

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    3) It has regularly allowed in countries outside of Europe including Israel, Cyprus, Armenia even Morocco and most recently Australia. Also, countries only part in Europe such as Turkey, Russia, Georgia and Azerbaijan have been included. Tunisia withdrew and both Egypt and Libya have been invited but as yet have not taken part.

    4) If Australia does ever win (It has come second) they will not host the following year as it will be co-hosted in Europe due to the cost to the other entrants.

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    5) The tradition of the previous year’s winning country hosting the next event has only been broken five times – every time due to the cost of running Eurovision. Four times the United Kingdom took on the extra host duties for Netherlands, France, Monaco and Luxembourg. The Dutch also took it on once for Israel.

    6) Songs could be sung in any language up until 1977 when it was changed too only be in their native tongue. This is of course three years after Swedish entry Abba won singing in English. If the rules had been changed earlier they may not have won and therefore no “Dancing Queen”, No Theresa May Stage Dancing, No Musical, No Mamma Mia Movies, no Chess etc.

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    7) “Waterloo” was Abba’s third attempt at Eurovision the first two times they never made it past the Swedish heat most notably not getting picked for what has become there well-known tune ‘Ring Ring’ which did sell Internationally and bigger than the chosen song.

    8) In 1974 Abba’s winning year the halftime show was carried out by the biggest selling singles artist of the Year ‘The Wombles’ there is no record as to what Europe thought of that. It was also the only year where all Top 4 songs made the UK charts -“Waterloo” at number one, Gigliotti Cinquetti’s “Go” (8), Mouth & MacNeils’ “I see A Star” (8) and the British entry “Long Live Love” by Olivia Newton-John just four years before she became “Hopelessly Devoted” To John Travolta and Grease. The national language thing was dropped again in ’99.

    9) Countries can use singers of any nationality, of course, Both Olivia and Gina G are Australian, Cliff was born in India, Katrina & The Waves America and indeed British artists have tried to sing for other countries too such as DJ Daz Sampson.

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    10) The UK has, of course, won five times but they have come runner up a whopping 15 other times twice by just one point namely Scott Fitzgerald to Celine Dion and “Congratulations” by Cliff to some Spanish nonsense called “La La La”. Then it’s a massive jump down to 4 times runner up for each of Ireland, Germany and Spain. It is even tougher on little Malta who has come second twice and third twice but has never won.

    11) Each act is allowed a maximum of six performers on stage and no live animals. The order is not done as many think by ballot but it is decided by the producers so as songs which sound similar are not next to each other. Songs are balloted either into part one or part two of the show that is the only element of chance

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    12) Miss Dion representing Switzerland stormed to the trophy but it was not her breakthrough as it was four years before she had her first international hit with “Where Does My Heart Beat Now” & a clear decade before Titanic.

    13) Abba, of course, took over the world as the most successful act to come from Eurovision but “Waterloo” only made it to number 6 in the States and they only had 4 more Top 10 songs there all with years in between and massively outsold by other European stars such as Aha, Nena, the Singing Nun and Roxette.

    14) The biggest selling Eurovision song ever is in fact Brotherhood Of Man’s “Save Your Kisses For Me” it was also the most popular ever with all juries. It charted in every territory (which Abba didn’t) and was the first to get a Platinum disc which “Waterloo” also did not achieve. The poorest selling winner was Marie N’s 2002 trophy grabber which charted absolutely nowhere.

    15) The first 19 years of the contest was always won by soloists (with one Duo). In 1974 Abba became the first group to win and ushered in the ‘Group era’ followed immediately by Teach-In, Brotherhood Of Man and Bucks Fizz.

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    16) Famously in 1969, there was a 4-way draw with the lowest point win ever just 18. Lulu with “Boom Bang a Bang” was one of the quartet but it was the only one that became an International hit. The system was changed thereafter to take into account the number of 12 or 10 points etc but there has only been one other draw since decided this way in 1991 when France and Sweden tied. In 1969 it took 18 points to win but in 2017 it took an incredible 758 points to get the same trophy.

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    17) Twenty Four countries have never won so come on Ireland share it around a bit. Two of the Irish wins were by Johnny Logan for “What’s Another Year” & “Hold Me Now” but he did not stop there, winning again in ’92 as the writer of “Why Me”. Three people have won the contest twice only Johnny has a hat trick. San Marino’s highest position ever was 24th

    18) In 2016 35 of the 41 entries were sung in English yet they still won’t vote for us. Of the last 20 wins, 16 have been in English and the all-time score to date across the 63 contests are 32 wins in English to 37 wins for every other European language put together.

    19) Nicole was Germany’s biggest winner with “A Little Peace” in ’82. She wowed the audience at the reprise by singing every part of the song in a different European language it went on to sell very well right across the Continent.

    20) The current system is 50% the public and 50% the juries which is very controversial; in 2016 Russia won the Juries over and Australia won the public but the win was given to the Ukraine – the public is always more responsive to politics than the juries. The UK entry in 2015 by Lucie Jones came 10th with the juries but an almost last with the public vote which was pure politics in action.

    21) Cheryl Baker tried for Eurovision three times coming second in the UK heat to Brotherhood Of Man in ’76, two years later representing the UK as part of CoCo with Bad Old days and another two years on in 1980 as part of Bucks Fizz with the incredible “Making Your Mind Up”.

    22) CoCo was the first UK act not to finish in the Top 10, unfortunately, they were not the last Hey Gemini? Since the Millennium we have only been in the Top 10 twice namely with former Liberty X star Jessica Garlick’s “Come Back” and the future Sugababe Jade Ewen with a song especially written by the two biggest selling non-performing songwriters in history Andrew Lloyd Weber & Diane Warren together and we still did not win.

    23) The likes of Baccara, Jedward, Tatu etc have all been unsuccessful finalists and so have British number one superstars like Blue, Bonnie Tyler, The Shadows, Black Lace and Englebert. UK runners up have included Sonia, Michael Ball, Cliff & The Shadows (Not Together)

    24) Two losing songs have topped the UK charts – Cliff’s “Congratulations” and Gina G’s “Ooh Aah Just a Little Bit”. Gina’s song became a massive International hit without winning Eurovision (because it’s damn good) it is the only losing song to make the Billboard top 20 in the States and it went on to win a Grammy Nomination.

    25) Terry Wogan did his first Eurovision in 1971 as a radio commentator he then went on and back between TV and Radio coverage until he took the BBC commentary booth in Brotherhood of Man’s Year. He lasted until 2008 when he stepped down criticising the political voting (Cyprus always for Greece; Serbia for Croatia sort of thing) when the UK entry by Andy Abrams was rejected wholeheartedly by Europe on mass – Terry said we have a good song with a good singer it is now pointless us competing. Radio 2’s lovely Ken Bruce has done the radio commentary now consistently since 1988 for 32 straight years and long may he continue…he calls it his ‘Annual holiday’.

  • FILM REVIEW | Avengers Endgame

    FILM REVIEW | Avengers Endgame

    ★★★★★ | AVENGERS ENDGAME

    Marvel Studios’ AVENGERS: ENDGAME..L to R: Hawkeye/Clint Barton (Jeremy Renner), War Machine/James Rhodey (Don Cheadle), Iron Man/Tony Stark (Robert Downey Jr.), Captain America/Steve Rogers (Chris Evans), Nebula (Karen Gillan), Rocket (voiced by Bradley Cooper), Ant-Man/Scott Lang (Paul Rudd) and Black Widow/Natasha Romanoff (Scarlett Johansson)..Photo: Film Frame..©Marvel Studios 2019

    Probably the most anticipated film of all time is now the most successful film in cinema history. The immediate sequel to Avengers Infinity War and the climax to the hugely successful decade of Marvel Comics 22 film marathon. After the shocking climax of the last movie with the Avengers losing big time, what next? Who lives and dies this time? And how do they send off the most beloved characters in film history?

    Answer with the best superhero film ever made that’s how!

    Nutshell – The ultimate superhero villain Thanos succeeded in gathering together all six infinity stones which have been spread across all of the decades’ superhero films and with a click of his fingers kills half of the universe including favourites such as Black Panther, Spiderman and almost all of The Guardians Of The Galaxy. How does the world, the universe and the remaining Avenger superheroes cope with the loss and go forward? All seems lost as this is set 5 years depressingly in the future but then…

    This film will make you laugh out loud, cheer, cry and give you loads to talk about through repeated viewings. Simply spine-tingling and incredible at a number of key moments. Believe the hype for once.

    Running Time – 181 Minutes – Cert 12A. A very very long movie but there are 10 years of loose ends and story arcs to tie up and they succeed with each one with pure class.

    The Gay UK Factor – Gay cosplay heaven. Chris’s Hemsworth, Pratt & Evans lead the wank bank possibilities here plus Black Panther, Hawkeye and a superb buff looking Bucky Barnes The Winter Soldier will all make your hole twitch. Chris Evans, unfortunately, shaves his beard off from Infinity ward which is a big shame but at least he does it shirtless. Another jerk-off negative is Chris Hemsworth’s Thor for reasons that become apparent when you see the film but there is a tonne of male flesh squeezing into tight latex for three very happy hours plus more than one reference to Captain America’s ass being the ‘ass of America’ to enjoy too… and it sure is.

    Cast – For the first time ever there are 25 names above the movie title. This is very very star heavy. Robert Downey Jnr has the top slot but with 16 other movie headliners of their own and an army of cameos including Robert Redford, Michael Douglas, William Hurt & Michelle Pfeiffer plus all the usual Marvel suspects you won’t be shortchanged in star power for your hard earned.

    Key Player – This is the new dictionary definition of the word ensemble so no point singling out anyone except Thor and Rocket racoon get all the best funny lines and Hawkeye the best action beats. The real key players are the directors here Joe and Anthony Russo who pull off whichever way you look at it – the fourth Avenger sequel or the 22nd Marvel Universe sequel and make it the best yet. Giving every member of the massive cast something worthwhile to do and tying up so many stories so satisfactorily. The other key player is the God at Marvel/Disney Kevin Feige who oversees all and is the one who decided to make so many different movies linked with each other over so many years and three chapters of the Marvel Universe which comes to a close here so onto Chapter Four in a couple of months with the next Tom Holland Spidey film.

    Budget – $400,000,000 plus – Yes, the most expensive film in history but after four days it had made $1.2 Billion dollars so this was no gamble. Bonus’s all round as it climbs the All-Time Box Office Charts with gusto leaping over Frozen, Fast & Furious and Toy Story by the hour. Marvel now move on to stage four of their universe so expect even bigger budgets and profits to come.

    Best Bit – 2 hr 12 mins; A big turning point in the movie which we will not spoil for you but you won’t miss it just ensure you are not holding any popcorn at the time.

    Worst Bit – 1 hr 49 mins; When you are now bursting for the toilet but there is so much going on you cannot decide when to make a run for it. By the way unusual for a Marvel film but there are no scenes in the credits at all so no need to sit through 10 minutes of CGI and stunt men’s names this time… go to the bar and start the lengthy discussion about what you have just seen instead.

    Little Secret – The film held previews on a Thursday night and two websites crashed and all seats in America were sold in SIX hours flat. Three Cinema chains decided for the first time ever to open right through the night and continue 24/7 to deal with demand.

    It made $60 Million at its previews breaking all records and next day it broke more than the biggest weekend box office ever and so it goes clearing $1 Billion dollars on the 4th day (which only 3 films have done in history). Demand was so high that two tickets in New Jersey were sold for $15,000 for an IMAX showing of the 15 buck movie. This review took a day to write and in that time Endgame made more than any non-Marvel release of 2018 did in its entire run.

    Further Viewing – Really? Well, you need to buff up on all 22 films in the Marvel Universe starting with Iron Man in 2008. Then move on to the DC Universe back through Nolan’s Dark Knights and onto Tim Burton’s Batman’s & Christopher Reeves first two Superman films. Add The Crow and Blade and then ignore all other superhero films like the plague especially anything with the words Fantastic and Four in them.

    Any Good – This is a masterpiece with one jaw-dropping air punching moment after another. Probably the biggest superstar cast ever assembled each with their own moment in the most expensive movie in history and a last hour that will not be beaten this year or possibly for many years.

    Bye, bye Avatar, so long Titanic, Au Revoir Star Wars, Pirates, Bond and Potter the world has a new all-time box office champ and we have no hesitation in giving it five huge stars to boot.

    You hoped it would be great but it is 10 times better than you ever expected. There was the movie world before Endgame and a completely different and better one after. Everything is wrapped up perfectly making an instant classic. Just incredible!

  • FILM REVIEW | Captain Marvel

    FILM REVIEW | Captain Marvel

    CAPTAIN MARVEL – Marvel studio’s biggest female hero makes her debut having to battle some shape-shifting aliens setting up the truly massive Avengers Endgame next month.

    Nutshell – Carol Danvers (Brie Larson) arrives on earth and needs to start piecing together her past to work out what aliens are running amok for and why she has become one of the most powerful superheroes in the universe. Set in the mid-nineties with a young looking Nick Fury & Agent Coulson this has a lot of fun playing prequel elements to the other 20 blockbuster superhero films in the Marvel cannon of the last decade.

    Running Time – 124 Minutes – Cert PG-12A.

    Tagline – ‘Higher, Further, Faster’ Or ‘Everything Starts With a Her(o)’

    THEGAYUK Factor – Possibly the least sexy superhero film ever with hardly any fit men anywhere not even amongst the usual bad guy’s Henchmen as they are all covered in monster latex make-up. Jude Law playing the Captain’s senior officer at the outset is your one hope but he is hardly a gay icon and far too clean cut…..the sort of prissy looking guy that would put on a condom before you gave him a blow job

    Cast – Brie Larson takes the lead here and she is great in the role. She is supported by Samuel L Jackson, Jude Law, Ben Mendelsohn, a welcome return for Annette Benning and this is the very last cameo appearance shot by the recently deceased Marvel God Stan Lee (Not the last to be released as we have two more of them shot for Avengers & Superman films made earlier).

    Key Player – There is a wonderful cat which Fury adopts called Goose which steals every scene and most of the movie. It has one or two surprises too, most of all with Marvel there is always scenes in the end credits and sit right to the end for Goose to have the all-important last word.

    Budget – $82 Million but it made back £153 Million in its first weekend which just shows the continued domination of superheroes at our multiplexes and the wisdom of Disney buying up Marvel a few years back – purely and simply these are pure 100% guaranteed cash cows.

    Best Bit – 0.28 mins; A great fight on and around an urban train with an accompanying car chase in a nineties action movie style is very thrilling. The fact that the enemy in a sneaky way keeps changing shape into different people makes it a very clever little scene.

    Worst Bit – 0.05 mins; The opening 10 minutes on two random planets is very confusing and simply rushed and is about as interesting as a bad episode of Star Trek or trying to get a hard-on with a fit guy after drinking a bottle of vodka. It gets into its groove when the characters eventually get to earth.

    Little Secret – Brie Larson is allergic to cats which she did not mention to the producers at the outset. Captain Marvel’s sidekick turns out to be a cat called Goose which then had to be played in Brie’s scenes by a puppet. Four real cats do all the other scenes in the movie. The first Marvel female superhero film was released on International Women’s Day and the soundtrack is almost entirely female orientated with the likes of Desree, TLC, No Doubt, Garbage and Salt N Pepa.

    Further Viewing – All previous twenty entries in the Marvel universe catalogue, Wonder Woman, The Justice League, All Batmans & Spidermans etc. Basically any movie where the hero is in tight latex or otherwise any of the hundreds of great gay superhero porno’s try Man.com pastiches or Eye Of The Cyclone.

    Any Good – A great lead performance backed by Mr reliable Samuel L. carries this nicely. Your life will not be diminished greatly if you don’t see it but if you do it is perfectly adequate entertainment (after the crap first 10 minutes). It is no Captain America or Deadpool unfortunately but also it is much better than say recent Superman films or… shudder…all Fantastic Four movies. Basically, in a word it is fine no more no less could benefit from some sexy studs though.

    Rating: 59/100

     

  • FILM REVIEW | Aquaman

    ★★★★☆ | Aquaman

    FILM REVIEW for Aquaman

    AQUAMAN – The DC Superhero universe continues the fight back against Marvel with this great musclebound outing. We have had spandex guys everywhere you can imagine from Africa to World war 2 and including outta space so it’s time now to go underwater.

    Nutshell – Land lubber Arthur Curry discovers he is in line to the throne of the underwater kingdom Atlantis. Unfortunately his sexy as fuck half-brother has other ideas, he feels responsible for his mother’s death and the Atlanteans are about to fight back with us surface developers for decades of undersea warfare and now our modern plague of plastic pollution. Cue all-out war and our favourite new hunk of beefcake is right in the middle of it.

    Running Time – 143 Minutes – Cert PG-13. Superhero movies just keep getting longer and longer but it works here.

    Tagline – ‘Home Is Calling’ & ‘He’s Not From Around Here’

    The Gay UK Factor – Jason Momoa is one of the hottest new gay fantasy men out there and here he is topless for the duration. This massive tall muscular stud is heavily tattooed, has sexy scars and great long straggly hair you just want to run your fingers through. He starred in his own Baywatch TV series before heading off to Westeros to be the none English speaking shirtless and bare arsed Dothraki King in Game Of Thrones inducing a huge increase in wanking sock abuse. His Aquaman movie introduction was as small parts in Batman Vs Superman and Justice League where he stole your eye away from a lot of other hot leads but it has all been heading to this his very own two-hour special.

    Cast – We are not sure there was anyone else here besides Momoa as we only had eyes for him but we think we spotted Dolph Lundgren, Willem Dafoe, Nicole Kidman, Amber Heard some guest star appearances as other kingdom monarchs and one of the most underrated sexy men currently acting Patrick Wilson who no gay man would kick out of bed.

    Key Player – James Wan the director keeps the action and key set pieces a coming and turns what could easily be a pile of fantastical dog poop with men riding sharks and seahorses into battle into something believable, current and most of all… fun.

    Budget – $160 Million but it seems to be money well spent as this will dominate the Christmas Box Office as everything else is kiddie blockbusters (Mary Poppins/The Grinch/Spiderman Cartoons) and helped by the major failure of the pretty rough Fantastic Beasts, JK Rowling’s first ever Waterloo and the postponement of the Bond.<

    Best Bit – 1.12 mins; We get a great spell out of the water to undertake a breathtaking downhill rooftop chase with one great stunt after another and serious fingernail chewing jeopardy.

    Worst Bit – 1.25 mins; A fight with a giant mythological creature seems a bit out of place here and more suited to any of a hundred forgettable sword and sandal Sunday afternoon Greek epics which all merge into one. Luckily the scene is short lived and it is soon back to the ocean for the big climax.

    Little Secret – James Wan is, of course, the king of horror making the Insidious/Annabelle/Saw/Conjuring etc movies but don’t worry as he has a different focus here basin this on Raiders Of The Lost Ark and Romancing The Stone but whatever made him decide to include a drum playing octopus no-one will ever know. With this film, the DC universe will cross the four billion dollar mark at the box office in the fastest time ever just six films so take that Messrs Bond, Potter, Tolkien, Sparrow, Vader and especially Marvel.

    Further Viewing – Wonder Woman, The Justice League, Various Spidermans and Batmans and everything from the DC movie universe or the enemy Marvel studio. 20,000 Leagues Under The Sea, Beyond Atlantis, The Meg, The Abyss, Sanctum, Lords Of The Deep but not Finding Nemo or The Little Mermaid.

    Any Good – This works and it so easily might not have. Very fast paced and extremely noisy but it all seems to be in support of the extensive plot. Wholly separate from every other superhero films so no cameos here as it lives entirely in its own domain. It looks great is thoroughly enjoyable and fully launches Jason Momoa to the top of the A-list heading straight at the slightly tarnished Dwayne Johnson crown who has had a very rough year indeed. The Worlds highest paid movie star in history suddenly needs to look over his shoulder for a tatted man with even more muscular and possibly a better actor to boot.

    70/100

  • FILM REVIEW | Bohemian Rhapsody

    ★★★★☆ | Bohemian Rhapsody

    The life and times of Freddie Mercury and his band queen from there humble West London beginnings to storming Live Aid the biggest show the world has ever seen.

    Nutshell – Freddie meets Roger Taylor and Brian May and together latterly with John they create some of the greatest rock music of all time. Their songs still stand the test of time today and include heavy metal, disco, 50’s rock n roll, opera and film themes along the way. The film also focuses on Freddie’s sexuality, his struggles with this and inner band dynamics plus hangers-on form the basis of this excellent rock biopic. Over twenty queen songs spanning the 70s/80s and 90s and then latterly comes the spectre of AIDS to bring the third act’s somber drama.

    Running Time – 134 Minutes – Cert 12A.

    Tagline – The only thing more extraordinary than their music is his story

    The Gay UK Factor – Freddie is about as big a gay icon as there has ever been and his incredible life story is nothing more than outstanding gay folklore. His love live and decadence is fully covered here in all its horny details but the reminder to a modern young audience about how devastating HIV and AIDS was in the pre prEP era of the 80’s and 90’s is the most important factor here. So many gay men gone but should never be forgotten, Freddie was just the brightest star to be extinguished at that time and this movie brings that right home.

    Cast – Rami Malek, Lucy Boynton, Aidan Gillen from Queer As Folk, Tom Hollander, A completely unrecognisable Mike Myers and keep your eyes peeled for Adam Lambert as a truck driver.

    Key Player – Rami Malek is the spit of Freddie, and after five minutes you forget he is an actor. Likewise, Gwilym Lee is a dead ringer for Brian May and this together (The less said about the Bob Geldof lookalike, the better) with the great musicianship helps the biopic feel as real as possible. Of course it is the Queen songbook which is possibly the best that exists besides Abba and the Beatles just when you think you have heard all the best songs there are another half a dozen memory joggers around the corner.

    Budget – $52 Million… opening weekend $50 Million USA alone, so that is a result then, They are still the Champions… of the world, mic drop.

    Best Bit – 0.57 mins; The biggest concert crowd ever at the time was the mega Queen concert in Rio and when the crowd take over one of the bands lesser known songs “Love Of My Life” you will be joining in too.

    Worst Bit – 0.12 mins; The formative Queen band ‘Smile’ (one of them was a dentist) and their songs here are average, to say the least – maybe it is necessary for the structure of the film but speeding through this may have made room for “One Vision”, “Somebody To Love” or “Flash”.

    Little Secret – Partway through filming, director Bryan Singer left the production and replaced by Dexter Fletcher. Singer the director of movies such as The Usual Suspects and X-men started turning up late, leaving early and then strangely disappearing for three whole days. Rami Malek, in particular, pushed for a change of directors. Twentieth century Fox the studio behind. The Wembley Stadium set for Live Aid was one of the biggest ever and was constructed from scratch as of course the Wembley twin towers have long since been demolished.

    Further Viewing – A Star Is Born, any of the Beatles, Elvis or Cliff films, Mamma Mia, Rock Of Ages, Spiceworld, What’s Love Got To Do With It, Can’t Stop The Music, Jersey Boys, Straight Outta Compton, The Pet Shop Boys Movie, Whitney, TGIF but most of all next years Taron Egerton Elton John Biopic Rocket Man which looks incredible.

    Any Good – Go for the music alone it is the very best. This is well put together and the live performances especially the mock-up of Live Aid with four songs alone here is sensational. A very enjoyable, exciting, thought-provoking, tuneful entertainment with a sad twist in the tail.

    73/100