It happens more than you think.

Generally, people’s default is cis and heteronormative stereotypes, meaning when they are probing you about your private life, the assumption is that you’re cis-gendered and straight. Which at best can lead to an awkward pause and at worst spiral some into a pit of anxiety and depression.

To answer that question can mean one of two things, it could out you – and maybe you’re not quite ready to come out (or indeed want to) or it can mean that you have to lie, which ultimately means you’re denying your own identity.

So, how do you answer that assumptive question about whether you have an opposite-sex partner when you’re actually gay, and single.

This question was recently posed on the AskGayMen subreddit and it the wisdom poured out.

The OP wrote, that if he had a boyfriend at the time, he’d quite simply say, “no but I have a boyfriend” but the question he posed was more to do with what to say when you’re single.


“I’m very blunt and to the point so I say ‘No, I like men’. If you don’t feel the need to disclose your sexual preferences a simple ‘No’ should suffice” was a suggestion, (VIA) while another joked, “god no very gay super gay the gayest boy in town definitely not nope never…. but I’m still single”

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Career driven

However for someone who didn’t necessarily want to out themselves suggestions were to redirect the conversation to work. Such as “No, I’m focusing on my career right now” or “my studies are taking my focus”.

The convo blocker

Then there the outright conversation stopper, which could sound like, “single and not looking.”

With an answer like that, there’s no way a person can reask, without sounding like a nosey asshole. (VIA)

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A truthful approach

If you’re not worried about the reaction to sexuality might be, you could just say “no but I have an ex-boyfriend!” (VIA)

Feedback loop

Another way to remain elusive is to ask the question right back with, “No, do you?” (VIA)

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