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Letter From The Editor, What Are Your Vices?
Well howdy there folks, I can’t believe it’s April already and it’s still bleeding freezing, so to heat things up this month we’re talking about vices.
Yes those daily crutches that we love, hate and loathe, but can’t live without. From porn to chocolate we’re delving into dependency darkness to discover the gay nation’s vices. We’ll be asking whether as a community do gay people have more addictions and vices than their heterosexual counterparts? Whether its good to have some bad habits and whether we can truly give up our foibles?
Personally, I don’t have any vices. Except lying. About my vices. However, I have become a bit of slave to white wine of late. After a virtuous start to 2013 thanks to Dry January, I’ve failed to keep my units down below the acceptable level. So for April, I’m going to go dry again, which might turn out to be quite difficult. I’ve got two major birthdays, my Pa is turning 65 and my partner’s brother is turning 40. Will I succeed in my sobriety? I’ll let you know.
Anyway this month we also have our first ever bespoke swimwear photoshoot and it looks hot. Can’t wait to share those pictures with you. We also have interviews with some stars from screen and stage. So you’ll have to keep logged on to find out what’s happening at TheGayUK.
Until next time.
Jake
P.s. 1000s of you have already downloaded our brand new App. It’s free and available on iPhones and Android phones. Here are the links.
Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.
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10 QUESTIONS: Gay Men Hate To Be Asked
I am happy to put my hands up and admit that I love a good moan. So when asked to write this piece I rubbed my hands in glee and thought it’s a great opportunity to have a right good grumble about the things people ask that really annoy me. This is because it’s something I regularly do in real life anyway, much to my friend’s annoyance. So, here it goes…
1) What you into?
I’m sure you are all aware where this question comes from. When asking the gay people what questions annoy them, this came out on top. When chatting to people on sites such as Grindr, Gaydar and Fitlads, it’s one of the first things people ask. Sometimes I am tempted to be a bitch and respond with “not you”, but usually it’s a blockable offence and I simply ignore them. On the odd occasion, I have replied with things such as knitting, train spotting, pretending I’m Kate Bush whenever I hear “Wuthering Heights” (that one is actually true)…. and the list goes on and on. I never answer in the way they want me to; with something sexual. I don’t rise to that. Usually one can tell what another is into by simply reading their profile. It’s not difficult, yet so many people struggle to do it. My Fitlads profile clearly states that I am in a monogamous relationship so therefore I’m not interested in extra-curricular activities, but I regularly have men propositioning me and refusing to believe that I would be on a website like that without looking for sex. So my advice to people here is read people’s profiles.
2) Can you accom?
Ugh. Again, I’m sure we all know where this one comes from too. It’s one of the frustrating things about using gay websites. It can be useful for meeting new people and is especially good if you have no contact with other gay people in the real world, but goodness me it ain’t half annoying when someone asks if you can accommodate. It’s even more irritating when it clearly states on my profile that I am not looking for a hookup. I’ve been there, done that and could probably have won The Sun newspaper’s ‘Shagger of the Year’ award at one point, but those days are over. All I can say is, again, please read people’s profiles.
3) How big are you?
I’m 5ft 10 and weigh about 17 stone, so pretty big I guess. The 17 stone admission would probably get me blocked by some shallow person and I’d be branded disgusting. In fact, I was once told that I am huge and the only way I will lose weight is if I become bulimic. I’ll talk about that another time though. Of course, they want to know how big your penis is. Does it really matter though? To a size queen maybe, but I couldn’t care less. Come on guys, it’s ridiculous. Nearly as ridiculous as the standard answer of ‘8 inches’.
The gay ruler clearly provides different measurements to a normal one.
4) Do you know him? He’s gay too.
I cannot begin to explain how much that question infuriates me. I’m sure some people think that homosexuals are all in one big pink club and we all know each other. I live in Warwick and was once asked if I knew someone in Middlesbrough just because he is gay too. I thought they were having a laugh but it was a genuine question. I actually said that I did know him and that I know most gay people in the country. The person believed me and I felt the urge to bang my head on a brick wall.
5) Are you gay?
Honey, just because I am standing here dressed as a fairy and sprinkling glitter over myself, what makes you think that I am a homosexual? Oh. Ok so there have been times when it may have been apparent that I am gay, but on the whole, I wouldn’t say that I’m ‘obvious’. Maybe I should start going up to people and asking if they’re straight and when they say yes respond with “oh I’m fine with that, I know loads of straight people”.
6) Are you the man or the woman in your relationship?
What annoys me about this question is that it is quite clear that I am the man in the relationship as I am a man! My boyfriend is also a man. That’s what a gay relationship is; two men together, so asking which one is the woman is possibly the most stupid question somebody could ask. Variations of this question include ‘Are you the Arthur or the Martha?’ and the more direct ‘Are you the top or bottom?’, because let’s face it, by asking if you’re the man or the woman is someone’s way of determining whether you give or take it up the arse.
7) When you get married will you be the bride or the groom?
Following on from the previous question, this is a similar one. Again it is possibly a case of someone trying to find out if you are top or bottom or maybe it’s someone’s idea of humour. There’s nothing funny about it though. If two men are getting married then clearly there’s not going to be a bride.
8) Does ‘it’ hurt?
If someone asks that question I will ask them what they mean by ‘it’, even though I know what they’re asking. There’s something satisfying about watching someone squirm as they try to think of a way of asking ‘does it hurt when you have anal?’, without putting it quite like that. If people want to know whether it hurts or not, they should give it a go themselves. Don’t knock it until you’ve tried it. The answer is yes though.
9) When did you know you were gay?
This question was suggested by someone. I have to say it doesn’t always annoy me. It depends on who is asking and the way it’s asked. Being serious for a moment, I work with LGBTQ youth and sometimes they have important questions to ask, such as this one. I will always answer honestly and provide any necessary advice. When it comes to straight people asking the question, I find there’s usually a variation on it. ‘When did you choose to be gay?’ has been asked a few times. Now that does bother me. I don’t believe being gay is a choice. We have a choice whether to embrace it and live as gay people, but sexuality is not something we choose. I want to respond with ‘when did you choose to be ignorant?’ This question provides a topic for a whole separate discussion.
10) Do you fancy him?
I have a revelation to make here… Gay men do not fancy every man they see! I know, shocking isn’t it? Even worse is when a straight man asks if I fancy them. It’s like, don’t flatter yourself, mate. Just because I happen to be gay it does not mean that I am attracted to you. I have a type (rugged, stubbly, hairy types) and the guys who usually ask if I fancy them are far too preened and immaculate for my liking. It’s a no from me.
So there we have it; my top 10 questions that gay men hate to be asked. I must admit I’ve rather enjoyed getting that off my chest. What am I into? Having a right good moan by the looks of it.
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COMMENT | Do You Have A Vice?
A general definition of vice is a weakness of character and behaviour, or a bad or neurotic habit. Unless you’re thinking of another vice, in which case it’s defined as a mechanical screw apparatus used for holding or clamping a work piece to allow work to be performed on it with tools. (But not on this occasion).
We all know what we generally class as a vice (smoking, drinking, chocolate, shopping, coffee etc…..), but when you start to look at the definition, it’s a lot broader than you may think!
Using the terminological definition above, I’m sure everyone will find that they have what can be classed as a vice. I myself don’t smoke and I’m not overly worried about having chocolate on a regular basis. I do drink and shop but wouldn’t see that as a vice as again, I find it to be more of a social interaction rather than a need.
The fact that it can be defined as a neurotic habit does mean that I can still be classed as having a vice, due to the fact that I am a complete, self-confessed neat freak! I can’t stand mess, if I cook, which is very rare for health and safety reasons, I have to wash-up everything as I use it and tidy up as soon as I’m finished. This is reflected across everything I do both at work and at home.
Do I consider this to be a weakness of character or behaviour as the definition states? In a word – No. This is part of my character, one that may be annoying to others (I’m sure not the only one) but part of what makes me who I am.
So for those of you who don’t think you have a vice, now ask yourself – do you? You may be surprised!
by The Gay Prime Minister / Twitter
Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.
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Kitty Brucknell Sells Lady Gaga Jacket
X Factor alumni and gay icon in the making – Kitty Brucknell has gone online to auction site, Ebay, to sell a Lady Gaga inspired costume jacket. (more…)
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INTERVIEW | Shingai From The Noisettes
We caught up with Noisettes lead singer Shingai, whilst she was in Africa. We talked Clarkson, Come Dine With Me and dressing up ‘like a dinner lady on acid, going to a rave.
CREDIT: Ford How’s Africa?
She sends her love, we’ve just had a monsoon, but the clouds have parted and it’s warm. I just went Bungie jumping with my brother over the Victoria Falls, which was amazing.
What’s the best thing about being a celeb?The best thing about the job that I do, is that it doesn’t feel like a job, I get to share apart of me with lots of people. As for celebrity, I never know how to really deal with it. I love to get creative with the stage and costumes though. In one of the last shows, my costume was made of something that looked like a plastic table cloth and by the time Health and Safety were done spraying flame retardant on me, I looked like a dinner lady on acid, going to a rave.
What’s the one thing people are surprised to learn about you?Erm, I’m very outdoorsy, I love getting on my bike and getting out to the country-side. I think it comes from the time when I was 11 I lived with my grandmother from Malawi – and the land was so green and fertile. I can go the glam thing, but I’m just at home putting on some riding boots and getting out there…
Any guilty pleasures?I can sit on the sofa once in a while and have a TV marathon. I don’t know if any pleasures are guilty, I’m a complete petrol head, so I love Top Gear and Come Dine With Me.
Have you ever been mistaken for somebody else?
When I was in a hotel in Romania this guy thought that I was Whitney Houston – and I was like No No No (Laughs) She’s amazing… I wish… But he was like, ‘yes, yes, I Will Always Love You, my favourite song… and I was like it’s 2009 now so if I am (Whitney Houston) I’m looking really young!
Dead or Alive who would like to collaborate with?Owwww, it would probably be Jimi Hendrix
That’s something we would love to hear!Let’s make it happen!
If you were to do a reality show which would it be?I would love to do Top Gear, I’m a die hard Top Gear fan, that’s if Clarkson wants me!
Getting political – gay marriage – Yay or Nay?I say, people should be able to marry and join in matrimony to the people they love regardless the sex, the creed, the colour. In a time of a lot of world unrest we should be promoting love.
So tell us about the Ford Fiesta!I love the way you left it right to the end… Well it came about through the people I’ve collaborated with. What was really exciting about it, like I said – being a petrol head, was driving around in a new car and have my ideal day (which is what the current Fiesta ad focuses on)
I never thought that spending the day in a ford would be so glamorous.It was so nice to be pampered by the vice creative and team and Ford crew.
When they reunited me with my dear friend Nuwella in the guitar shop and enabled me to perform alongside my sister’s beautifully choreography, it was like a dream come true.
The cosmic golden bass and I instantly became friends. She fitting neatly into the back seat. All I had to do for the adventure to begin was to the turn the key and voice command one of my favourite songs for the ride.
I’m from the generation, where my first boyfriend’s brother had a Ford Capri, so Ford has always been a company I’ve watched with interest and the Fiesta was famous in the 90s, and before we shot the video I had no idea what the new car would look like, I had a vision of the 90’s, chavvy, Ford Fiesta – the kind of thing I’d see around Deptford – a pimped up version of that, but it’s beautiful. It’s great car and I had so much fun doing the video – and I can’t wait to see it!
Check out Shingai’s Mum’s charity http://www.ponayi.org.uk
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COMMENT | Pride
It’s always uplifting to see news about Pride events across the country. Yes believe it or not, despite the weather, we are well into the Pride season. News about events, activities and line-ups are being announced on a daily basis via news feeds, magazines and social media.
I’m extraordinarily lucky to be able to attend three Pride events this year. What I always love about them is the community feel they all have. Pride really helps to promote inclusivity across a broad spectrum of people and allows them to interact in a fun, safe way, which for some is their only chance to interact with the community.
The first Gay Pride UK Rally was held in July 1972. It was thought that we were quite liberal at that time but you have to remember that homosexual acts between consenting adults had been illegal until 1967, which made this quite a milestone moment in history.
The core of Pride is that people should be proud of who they are, that there is nothing wrong with being different and that our sexuality is something beyond our control. As opposed to the shame many LBGT people were made to feel years ago, everyone is now encouraged to be proud and rightfully so.
Pride has grown and evolved over the years and has, of course, seen changes which have been necessary within that evolution. I’m pleased to say the one thing that has never and will never change is the sense of community and family that you will always experience, whatever Pride event you attend.
If you have never attended a Pride event and are considering attending your first one, I cannot recommend these events highly enough. They are a wonderful way to be introduced to the LGBT community and a beacon of positivity and information, especially if you have just ‘come out’ and are new to the scene.
by The Gay Prime Minister/Twitter
Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.
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Hope For Long-Term HIV Unemployed
Terrence Higgins Trust calls for participants and mentors for return of Back to Work scheme.
Team Working At Desks In Busy Office From today, people with HIV who are long-term unemployed will be able to apply for Terrence Higgins Trust’s Back to Work scheme. This year for the first time, the charity is also calling for professionals to volunteer as mentors to those enrolled on the programme.
In the UK, around 25% of people with HIV are currently unemployed. Thanks to modern drug treatments, many can return to work, but – if they have had a long period of ill health – they may lack confidence, or feel they no longer have the skills or stamina required to find a job in an increasingly competitive market.
The Back to Work scheme was set up in 2011, with the aim of easing unemployed people with HIV back into the workplace. Each year, Terrence Higgins Trust enrols a small group on a six month work placement within the charity, helping them to develop skills and experience that will get them back on their chosen career path. The scheme has been a great success; of the 10 individuals that completed the course in 2012, two are now in full-time employment, one is on a government work programme, and five are continuing their professional development.
After finding out he had HIV in 2009, Richard spent a few years out of work. When he felt ready to restart his career, however, he found his career break made it difficult to get interviews. Richard joined the Back to Work scheme in 2012, as part of which he worked in a number of the charity’s departments and received CV and interview tuition, as well as regular mentoring and support from a life coach.
Richard said: “Prior to starting on the Back to Work scheme, my confidence was taking a battering with every knock back. But Terrence Higgins Trust saw my potential rather than the gaps on my CV. Within a couple of months, I had a part-time role within the charity, which provided an excellent springboard back into the workplace. Just from getting the interview, my confidence has grown and grown.
“I’m now lucky enough to have two jobs, working for a housing association and also part-time at THT. It’s fair to say I’m a different person today, and could never have achieved everything I have without the help of the scheme. I can honestly say it’s the best thing that’s happened in my life.”
Ruth Burns from Terrence Higgins Trust said: “Our Back to Work scheme has gone from strength to strength. Each year, we see the initial nerves fall away as our participants transform into polished, confident professionals; a real asset to any workplace. We want this year’s scheme to be just as successful, and would encourage anyone with HIV who feels they need a boost up on to their career ladder to get in touch.”
The Back to Work scheme 2013 is open to anyone living with HIV, who has been unemployed for two years or more or is receiving benefits. Placements have been confirmed in London and Bristol, and Terrence Higgins Trust hopes to offer places at further offices across the country. The deadline for applications is Tuesday 30th April. People with HIV can also access a wealth of careers advice, including online support from an advisor, by signing up to www.myhiv.org.uk.
For further information, and to apply, please visit www.tht.org.uk/backtowork. To express interest in becoming a mentor on the scheme, please email backtowork@tht.org.uk.
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FILM REVIEW | How To Have A Relationship
A series of film shorts exploring the complexities of relationships.
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FILM REVIEW | Les Invisibles
★★★★★ | Les Invisibles
A refreshingly honest and prevailing documentary film following the lives of eleven elderly gay men and women, something which has had little representation in gay culture.
A superb collection of intimate autobiographical stories on what it was like growing up being gay and the pain of suppression. Somehow it seems more sincere coming from elderly people with incredibly fascinating memories to share. It was so easy to become affectionate towards these unashamed individuals and their lives.
The film uses a collection of personal photographs and home footage to reveal the memories. At intervals the exceptional cinematography oozed of beauty.
Although these individuals grew up in a different society as what we live in today, it is still touching to hear similar experiences of growing up being gay, and in particular, other peoples reactions to being gay. Some came from a time where it was scandalous to even claim to be proud of being gay.
This film really made me think. It reminded me of the importance of acceptance in others, and acceptance in oneself. It made me proud to be part of a community of shared experience. But most of all it made me proud that a film has been lovingly and unpretentiously made which is honest and real. The highlight of the film festival so far.
Outstanding
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THEATRE REVIEW | Untold Stories
★★★★★ Untold Stories | Master of his craft Alex Jennings exuberantly brings Alan Bennett’s autobiographical theatre production ‘Untold Stories’ to life in two warm and masterful accounts entitled ‘Hymn’ and ‘Cocktail Sticks’.
