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  • TGUK Enters The Lions Enclosure for Peugeot Festival 2019

    TGUK Enters The Lions Enclosure for Peugeot Festival 2019

    Chris Hughes from Peugeot Sport Club UK invited The Gay UK along to their 2019 Peugeot Festival at Prescott Hill in the picturesque village of Gotherington, Cheltenham.

    Sunday’s weather, the Saturday was the hottest it had been all year, was thankfully, milder in comparison. .And, all the better for it. As someone who can be both mechanically sympathetic and murderous to precious metals, the last thing you want is to thrash your vehicle up the hill climb in excessive heat. And that Saturday heat would have done the peak power no good. Being so dry, it makes the fuel-air mix less dense. Not the best for the big bangs that were needed.

    We meet Chris, albeit very briefly, running through the paddock. Phone going off in one hand and clutching a hangover in the other. Despite this brief encounter, it was finally good to put a person to a twitter follower and I thanked him for the invite.

    There was an abundance of Sochaux’s finest here. Considering the clubs core audience, there were some classic gems to be found dotted around the site too.

    Worthy of note was the display of 309s and all in rather good condition. You could say they were commonplace today. Remember the 309? No, not many do. It was the remnants of Peugeots take over of Talbot and despite its unusual place in the 05 line up of the ’80s, the oddly numbered 309 (something we haven’t got to yet) was surprisingly able and good. Sadly many have disappeared so this ensemble was a real treat.

    As you would expect, the 205 almost out numbered everything there and while most were GTi’s, there was a handful of the Peugeot savour that the person on the street could afford. Likewise the 106 Rallye was present in a plethora of both MK1’s and MK2’s. 

    Perhaps being the smallest of the Peugeots, like the kids of the club, they were causing havoc with the marshals as they lined up to tackle the hill climb, all going out in coordinated colours. perhaps lost on the paddock organiser, but nicely done in my eyes.

    While a lot of the GTi’s tackled the hill climbs, that didn’t mean the older of the Peugeot’s couldn’t. The 504 Pick Up and 404 rally Safari were seen buoyantly tackling the hill. It must be said that they were not as quick as the GTi’s but grand in the visual pleasure they gave to those who had been around Peugeot’s for a long time.

    Dotted around the site were the rare older cars and then some gems. Like the Mad Max pursuit interceptor inspired 406 saloons. Totally over the top but nicely detailed with the odd little Mad Max touch here and there. 

    Thankfully no explosive devices were located on the vehicles to protect the fuel, just warnings. These almost became my stars of the show but were knocked off the top by a long way, as it happens (sorry chaps, 2 nice chaps too, just don’t ask them if the cars are from ‘Back to the Future’!)  

    There, under a tree was a blue 1983 305 GR estate. Incredibly rare and in this crossover phase model with the later front and early tailgate. The owner was an enthusiastic chap and more than willing to show the car off and rightly so, it was gorgeous. So I couldn’t resist a jump inside and my word, I’d forgotten how soft and sumptuous the French used to make their seats! 

    So, worthy for your 2020 calendar? Hell yes. The event centres around action and there is something there for every Peugeot enthusiast and fan. And if you get the chance, do the hill. I have driven my old 504 up the hill, and it is a worthy experience.

  • FILM REVIEW | Fast the Furious Hobbs and Shaw

    ★★★★ | FAST & FURIOUS : HOBBS & SHAW

    Nutshell – Two huge gay icons get their own spin-off (sort of) from the mega Successful F&F franchise. The cop and villain from the last four movies Misters Johnson & Statham have to chase the latest MacGuffin world killing virus through London, Russia and The South Seas in the biggest stunts of the year.

    Incredible action, but with these two highly likeable stars you get so much comedy to balance it out often aimed at The Stath’s height or The Rocks muscles and everything is a fun competition between these two even bashing heads.

    Running Time – 137 Minutes – Cert PG-12A.

    Tagline – ‘One is fast & the other is Furious but there is a new protagonist in town’

    The Gay UK Factor – With two of the fittest men in movies together for their own extended films this is a gay guy into muscle’s wet dream and the film they have been waiting for all year.

    The eternal mano et-mano posturing throughout here is reminiscent of every bit of gym or locker room banter you have ever heard and they do everything together except fuck. The Rock even goes shirtless for an extended Haka scene and the Stath jokes about him losing his baby oil…

    It could not get any queerer if the stars of Rocketman, Bohemian Rhapsody and Mamma Mia turned up for a lip-sync battle mid car chase.

    Idris Elba also goes shirtless too more than once as do many of the hot macho henchmen.

    Cast – Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson, Jason Statham, Idris Elba on bad guy duties & Vanessa Kirby as the female lead and then we have a new thing in F&F land endless cameos from Helen Mirren, Rob Delaney, Kevin Hart, Ryan Reynolds, etc etc.

    Key Player – This is the perfect double act. The producers saw the chemistry between these two guys in The Fast & The Furious and greenlit this new strand especially as The Rock and Vin Diesel were at loggerheads constantly so a new direction was needed. They are both the ultimate believable action heroes rather than say short arse Tom cruise who both have perfect comic timing that would get them a slot on Live At The Apollo any day of the week.

    Budget – $200 Million and it is all up there on the screen with one massive gravity-defying set piece after another. Worldwide Box office for the first week was 180 Mil and that was without the lucrative Chinese market where this series really cleans up. This is a box office bonus bonanza for Universal Studios being their 5th biggest opening of all time (And most of them are previous entries in this saga) it is also the biggest opening ever of both these two megastars.

    Best Bit – 1.16 mins; There is a tremendous car/bike chase through the busy packed streets of London’s Square mile early on but all the best bits come from the one-liners and they peak in a tremendous corridor fight scene where the stars wordplay hugely tops the great martial arts action with the endless gun-toting goons.

    Worst Bit – 0.28 mins; Jason Statham is 52 years old whilst Vanessa Kirby is 31yo but looks 10 years younger and here we are supposed to believe that they are brother and Sister & that she is an unstoppable fighting machine. It requires more suspension of disbelief and the strangest casting since a tank top wearing Denise Richards was cast as Dr Christmas Jones ‘a nuclear expert’ in James Bond’s The World Is Nor Enough.

    Little Secret – With the exception of the tropical climax and the studio scenes this film is shot entirely on location in the UK from Glasgow to The City Of London via High Wycombe and part of the fun is spotting the many locations you may know well… even the supposed many Russian set scenes are filmed across our fair isle.

    When this was greenlit it so annoyed Vin Diesel that he cut some of Johnson’s scenes in the last F&F film as he was exec producer and then failed to turn up for a days work leaving over 1,000 crew members idle. Idris Elba refused to say a scripted line for his character, calling himself “the black James Bond”. He instead used the phrase “black Superman” not to look too needy that he wanted the 007 job.

    Further Viewing – Fast & Furious 1-8, Need For Speed, The Cannonball Run, All Mission Impossibles, Spy, I Spy, and any mismatched buddy film from The Lethal Weapons to The Rush Hours, Bad Boys, Midnight Run & The 48 Hours movies not Wild Wild West though or anything with the words Jay & Silent Bob in them..

    Any Good – You know what you are getting here and there are no surprises but what you do get is another great chapter if you like this sort of thing and it seems everyone from 11-61yo does judging by its receipts. The surprise is the humour which really works and gives a great 80’s hit movie feel to it. The action is on par but maybe no real wow moment as in previous chapters but this is still great fun and the long-running time flies by.

    Whether this franchise goes down the Hobbs & Shaw route or back to the Vin Diesel ‘It’s all about family’ set-up time will tell but this is now the third longest-running franchise in history just passing Harry Potter and you would not bet on this overtaking Star Wars very soon.

    77/100

  • Here’s everything LGBT+ couples who are considering surrogacy need to know

    Here’s everything LGBT+ couples who are considering surrogacy need to know

    Surrogacy for LGBT+ couples – What you need to know

    © DGLimages Depositphotos

    For those in the LGBT+ community, creating a family is not straightforward. Biology and the law have to both be considered long before a baby is conceived.

    Surrogacy is now very much de rigueur, and, in the last five years, the UK has seen an exponential increase in the number of Parental Order applications following surrogate births. My firm is only too aware of this, as we have a vast number of clients from the LGBT+ community choosing to start their families through surrogacy.

    The law governing surrogacy dates in part from the 1980s when attitudes towards surrogacy itself, and the LGBT+ community, were vastly different from what they are today. The law reforms announced by the Law Commission and The Scottish Law Commission on 6 June 2019 are therefore very much welcomed by all involved, but particularly by LGBT+ families.

    What are the laws now?

    © DGLimages Depositphotos

    As it stands now, when a child is born through a surrogacy arrangement, whether they are born here in the UK, or abroad, if the intended parents wish to live with the child in the UK, then an application must be made in the UK courts for a Parental Order. The Parental Order will then extinguish the legal status of the birth mother (and her spouse if she has one) and confer legal parentage on the intended parents. Without that order, the birth mother will remain legally responsible for that child. The intended parents, who in reality are the only parents the child knows, have no legal standing to make crucial decisions, such as consent to medical procedures for their child, as they have no Parental Responsibility.

    It will also change the UK birth certificate to ensure that the intended parents’ details are instead recorded.

    In order to be eligible to apply for a Parental Order, at least one of the intended parents must be domiciled in the UK, at least one of the intended parents must have a biological connection to the child, the child must live with the intended parents, they must be over 18, have made the application within 6 months of the child’s birth, have the surrogate’s (and her spouse’s) consent and only reasonable expenses must have been paid to the surrogate. Since January 2019 it is now possible for single people to apply for a Parental Order, but the above criterion must still apply and those separated can utilise recent ground-breaking caselaw, achieved by this firm, that if intended parents are separated an order can still be achieved as ‘living’ together can apply to two homes.

    The glaring fault with the Parental Order process is the requirement to have to apply for it in the first place. From the moment of birth, up until that Order is granted, the child, and the intended parents live in limbo. Speak to any surrogate and they will tell you that they want to carry the child to enable other people (often LGBT+ people), who can’t have a child in the usual way, to have a family. They do not want to be legally responsible for that child, yet the law keeps them entwined despite (usually) no biological connection and no intention to be so responsible. The surrogate bears the child for the intended parents on trust that they will make that application for a Parental Order which will then extinguish her legal responsibilities.

    As for the intended parents, until that Order is made, they are, in the eyes of the law, not legally related to their child. Yet in reality they wanted the child, they love the child and they care for the child. Why should that child, and the intended parents, be in that limbo position? It leaves many risks, that Wills and insurances can mitigate, but the uncertainty of 100% protection during this period is difficult for all the parties.

    Proposed new laws

    The Law Commission and The Scottish Law Commission have recognised this failure and have committed to reforming the law. The consultation into surrogacy law is currently open until September 2019 and their proposals include a new pathway to parenthood which would recognise the intended parents as the legal parents from birth. With the new pathway, the ‘work’ would be done pre-conception. This would include finding the surrogate, medical checks, enhanced criminal records checks, independent legal advice and implications counselling for all parties, then a written surrogacy agreement and an assessment of the welfare of the child. Once the child is born, the intended parents will be the legal parents (without the need to make a court application) subject to the birth mother objecting within a defined period. If the surrogate does object, then the intended parents would need to make an application for a Parental Order in the usual way.

    However, this new pathway would not be applicable to international surrogacy arrangements. Instead, the proposal is that recognition would be on a “country by country” basis and that there should be a streamlining and shortening of the process of obtaining a passport or a visa for the child born overseas so that that process begins before birth.

    These proposed reforms to the current surrogacy legislation have been welcomed by the LGBT+ community as well as by the community of surrogates. The proposed reforms will enable the law to reflect the reality of these new families and ensure that the child is legally protected and cared for by their intended parents from the moment of birth.

    Karen Holden, Founder at A City Law Firm

  • Disgraced Rugby Player Israel Folau wants $10 million

    The disgraced rugby player, Israel Folau has launched a $10 million lawsuit against Rugby Australia.

    Israel Folau was dismissed from his position at Rugby Australia earlier this year after a series of homophobic tweets surfaced. At the time he was one of the highest-paid sportspeople in Australian sport.

    In April the Australian Rugby Union served Israel Folau with a contract ending breach notice, following on from offensive social media posts, one of which said that “hell awaits” gay people and bashing transgender people, using his Christian beliefs as a defence for his views.

    In June Folau and Rugby Australia entered mediation at a Fair Work Commission hearing. There was no resolution after a near four-hour meeting.

    Now Folau has apparently filed a lawsuit and wants a cool $10 million in compensation from Rugby Australia to cover the loss of sponsorship and potential future contracts.

    Free Speech, Religious Freedoms or both?

    Under the Fair Work Act, it is not legal to sack an employee for an employee’s religion. Folau’s suit is a test case in this area and could determine “whether the word ‘religion’ should be interpreted to include protection for an employee’s religious expression and activities” according to employment layer Josh Bornstein.

    Many of Folau’s supporters have raised concerns over whether the player’s right to free speech was curbed.

  • Actor Joshua Rush comes out as bisexual

    Actor Joshua Rush comes out as bisexual

    Disney actor, Joshua Rush has come out and used his platform to bring attention to internalised homophobia, the life expectancy of trans women of colour and finding the courage to come out.

    Joshua Rush as his character Cyrus Goodman in the Disney show, Andi Mack.

    Joshua Rush, who starred in the Disney show, Andi Mack has come out as bisexual. The 17-year-old actor, who turns 18 in December,  became the first openly gay character in a Disney show, when, his character Cyrus Goodman uttered the words, “I’m Gay”.

    Embed from Getty Images

    The actor came out in a series of tweets,

    He took to Twitter to write, “I’m bi. And now that I’ve said that, I have a few things to rant about. There are more important things to talk about than me liking a whole bunch of genders, but I do want to share a few things with you guys.

    “I saw so many of you watch Cyrus come out and said “Hey! I can be me!” How ironic, isn’t it, that me, playing that character, never had mustered up that courage?

    “Instead of feeling the courage to tell you today that I am an out and proud bisexual man because of the character I played for four years, I feel that courage thinking of all of you, who felt emboldened by Cyrus to come out.

    “I had a close friend of mine come out to me in fifth grade. FIFTH GRADE! That was well before I had any clue of my own identity and orientation. I suffered with some level of my own internalized homophobia even while playing the first openly gay character on Disney Channel.

    “Release it into the world”

    Embed from Getty Images

    “I stuffed the existential crisis of talking about my sexual orientation into a box in my mind for years. Today, I release it into the world.

    “Being bi isn’t all of my identity”

    The star also used his coming out as an opportunity to bring attention to the life expectancy of trans women of colour – who’s life expectancy is just 35-years-old in some parts of the world.

    He continued,  “Being bi isn’t all of my identity, nor is it the most important part of my identity. Bi erasure and issues like it are important, but trans women of color still have a life expectancy of THIRTY FIVE YEARS and that is absolutely unacceptable.

    “So. I want to encourage you all to donate to GLAAD. Our show wouldn’t have existed in the form that it did without them, but also because their hard work in furthering acceptance in media helps an uncountable number of people”.

  • FORD CAPRI: The Sporting Man’s Special Place

    FORD CAPRI: The Sporting Man’s Special Place

    I managed to get the keys to the last Capri ever built at Cologne, Germany on the 19th December 1986 and as is typical of the Capri, it certainly made an impression on my wanton lust for the cheeky Capri.

    Affectionally referred to as the Brooklands Capri because of its shade of green paint, the £12,000 Capri offered Ricaro leather seats and a much needed, if somewhat hooligan inducing limited-slip differential. For the time too, they were fitted with massive 15” alloy rims and low profile tyres. In today’s terms, a 15” wheel is fitted to your poverty wagon! 

    For an old classic car, one thing strikes you about this Capri and that is its drivability. I’ve owned many classics through the years and one thing that can become tiresome is the constant battle you have in driving it when faced with the pitfalls of today’s roads and traffic interruptions. Sometimes just keeping a classic in a straight-line becomes a hassle.  

    The 280i Capri, with its standard power steering, takes little effort to turn on twisty roads. That said, it isn’t without its problems, though this is more to do with the softly sprung (sporty set up at the time) ride that wobbles and squashes the springs with roll and pitch that today, for a sports coupe, motoring journalists would find unacceptable. 

    Engine refinement from the 160PS 2.8 litre injection V6 cylinder engine is as smooth today as any V6 now. Sort of. The essence of the Capri 280i is its burbling engine sound. This does encourage dropping it down and gear or two and accelerating hard. And it will storm to a claimed 130mph.

    The striking thing about the Capri is the long bonnet that seems to travel forever forward. Unlike its lesser siblings, say, packed with the 1.6 pinto engine and room for extra luggage, the 280i takes up all the available space.   

    Interior is full of inferior appointments. Notably, the carpet joins above the transmission tunnel by the clock. Today, some 33 years later, it is endearing to the beauty that was Fords sports coupe. One thing that is notable and in my eyes at least, worthy of deep joy, is the door architecture. The use of 4 grey materials, set off with black plastic sculptures and appendages really do make them a visual treat. The perforated vinyl complimenting the perforation of the leather-covered seats.

    And whilst the ride of this sporting rear-wheel drive is set to a softer setting that belies its sporting potential, the seats, sculptured into bucket seats, are sumptuous in their comfort and support. As a classic car, this is certainly one that you could travel great distances in with minimal fatigue.

    Sadly, the likes of Capri, the car you’ve always promised yourself, are probably never likely to happen again, not just from Ford, but most manufacturers. The days of the coupe seem numbered in favour of raised boxes on wheels. It makes you wonder what the next generation of motoring enthusiasts are going to aspire too in 20 years time? It might be a Capri like this £12,000 from new example. 

    But just look at that £12,000 price tag. Good Capri 280i’s are not £12,000 anymore. They are not £5,000 anymore. Try £44,995 for one with 6212 miles on the clock. With that in the back of my mind, I was glad to hand the keys back to Ford PR with the car still intact. 

  • RESTAURANT REVIEW | Romulo Cafe, London

    RESTAURANT REVIEW | Romulo Cafe, London

    ★★★★★| Romulo Cafe, London

    There are many undiscovered restaurant gems in London, but I’ve found one that will perhaps not be undiscovered for very much longer.

    Romulo Cafe, a restaurant that is a taste of the Philippines in the heart of Kensington (and London), has food that I guarantee you can’t find anywhere else in London. It’s Filipino food that is unique, flavorful, sumptuous and excellent value for the money. But don’t let the name fool you – Romulo Cafe is not really a cafe but a proper restaurant, beautifully designed and perfectly replicates Filipino food and culture, filled with the Romulo family history of General Carlos P. Romulo, hence you feel like you are in his home, with great staff who take care of you like you are family.

    But the food – wow the food – it’s just incredible, and at times indescribable. Romulo food is full of recipes passed down from generation to generation, and in Filipino style, sharing is the tradition. But I didn’t want to share the Sizzling Chicken Inasal Sisig – Jack Brand Diced Chicken thighs marinated in annatto sauce, ginger, green chilli, garlic, and lemongrass. Arriving sizzling to your table, it’s the aroma that hits you first – it’s a mix of sweet, nuts and pepper (annatto) – and a dish that has a perfect balance of all ingredients all in harmony – and was simply delicious. My dining companion and I were just simply amazed at how good it was! We carried on with more sharing plates – including the Dingley Dell Pork Belly Adobo which is slow-cooked in soy sauce, garlic and cane vinegar, and this too was simply delicious. Five large pieces of pork swimming in the sauce which tasted a bit like bbq, with a mixture of different coloured potatoes – this is a main course in itself – and so so good. Also so so good was the Kensington Fried Chicken. Four large pieces perfectly cooked (they are marinated with Romulo’s very own adobo mayonnaise and catsup sauce), and nice and brown on the outside, white on the inside, and crunchy. They are just the best! And best of all is that these dishes are great value at less than £8.75 each! Yes, excellent value.

    We, of course, had to have rice with our meal, and the large Garlic Fried Rice was just absolutely perfect, with only a hint of garlic which made the ride back home with my friend bearable! We were also suggested to try the Young Jackfruit and Coconut Stew as our vegetable. It was plentiful and was a liquid-like stew with loads of jackfruit, green beans with a small number of chillies but it was the sauce that made the dish absolutely amazing!

    And now on to the desserts. I can’t recommend enough the Banana Turon. It’s five banana fritters served warm with a side of toffee sauce. A fritter is, if you don’t know, made in the shape of a spring roll in a hard pastry shell – and inside was the best part-baked banana and jackfruit – for an absolutely yummy experience. Wow! And on the side is jackfruit ice cream – yes, it’s too much but I ate them all! We also had to try the Ube Cheesecake (ube is purple yam, hence the cheesecake is purple) with a graham cracker crust, topped with coconut and served with ice cream – exotic colour and a good flavour! And we also had the Sans Rival – a hard dessert made with dulce de leche and buttercream, cashews, chewy and sweet meringue – while good it did not, and could not, match the cheesecake nor the Banana Turon (which is a steal at £5).

    And I can’t finish this review off without mentioning Imelda’s High Heels cocktail. It’s strong (thanks to the Stolichnaya Vodka) with strawberry puree, Crème de Framboise, Crème de Mure and topped with Prosecco. And the kicker – it’s served in a high heel shoe! Ha! Also recommended is the Pinoy Mai Tai – a rum drink with Amaretto, Gran Marnier and pineapple – and it comes in a flaming (literally) Tiki mug! Don’t do what I did and panic and blow it out – let it burn, it’s part of the experience.

    Romulo Cafe is also a cafe in front, and there is a private dining room downstairs with a bar and karaoke machine, and the venue is licensed for both marriages and civil ceremonies.

    And the experience of eating at Romulo Café is an excellent one. It’s not just the food but the history of the restaurant, which is in the family name Romulo. In 2009, The Romulo family opened up its first cafe in Manila to celebrate the legacy of grandfather General Carlos P. Romulo. The London restaurant honours his memory with a large photo of him (and one of his wife) in the dining room. Meanwhile, their grandfather’s tastes were legend, and cultivated during years following a distinguished war career when he served as Philippine Ambassador to the United States, as President of the United Nations General Assembly (his signature is on the UN charter) and finally as the longest-serving Secretary of Foreign Affairs of the Philippines. He was also the first and only Filipino to win a Pulitzer Prize and awarded the highest American civilian award, Medal of Freedom. And he loved food, and Romulo cafe London is a fitting tribute to his memory, with its extremely delicious food, nice and friendly staff, very comfortable surroundings, and a warm welcome from owners Rowena and her husband Chris – the nicest people this side of the river. Romulo Cafe is just simply a perfect place.

    Romulo Café London,
    343 Kensington High Street
    London, W8 6NW
    020 3141 6390
    www.romulocafe.co.uk

  • 10 things gay guys need to stop Instagramming now

    10 things gay guys need to stop Instagramming now

    Drunk or otherwise – thinking it’s a great idea to share our most intimate moments with the world via Instagram. We’ve made a list of the top things we need to stop sharing.

    Your Trout Pout.

    It just isn’t sexy. No, really it isn’t. Unless you’re Katie Price or Rylan Clark it’s best to leave the lip service to the professionals. (Even if you are cute)

    Wearing Sunglasses Indoors.

    Clearly, there’s a problem here.

    You Looking Like A Member of a boy band. Black Vest, check…

    Vacant look, CHECK. Flawless skin, which has been photoshopped into a smooth paste… CHECK. Come to bed eyes… CHECK. In other news those eyebrows are amazing.

    You And Your Toys.

    Not sure this one needs explaining. The world does not need to see the cone you put up your ass. No wait, hang on – show us how you do that…

    Pictures Of Your Conquests.

    No one wants to know you ‘Just nutted in his ass’ (yes an actual caption), such a romantic notion. We don’t wanna know. Okay, that’s a blatant lie, more of these pics, please.

    Random pictures of hot guys on public transport

    As cute as he is… This is creepy AF.

    Your Hook Up Texts.

    TMI. Now I can’t concentrate.

    Your First Class Ticket.

    Bitch we don’t care about your priority sticker for your Ryanair flight.

    Disney Stuff

    What are you ten? Although we agree Elsa is the best Disney princess ever.

    Sh** That’s Suppose To Be Inspirational…

    because it’s not.

  • Sex-Dwarf Supreme! Marc Almond and Immodesty Blaize, Hammersmith Odeon

    Sex-Dwarf Supreme! Marc Almond and Immodesty Blaize, Hammersmith Odeon

    Fraulein Sasha de Suinn reviews Marc Almond & Immodesty Blaize, Hammersmith Odeon. 5 Stars!

    What separates scene-stealing queens from dumb, bonehead heterosexuals, so cluelessly chav-tastic that Katie Price is their Marlene Dietrich? In one word, panache, darlings! Equipped since birth with the most super-sensitive instinct known to humanity for detecting the extraordinary, outré, kitsch and baroquely erotic – barely the tip of a queeny iceberg! – gay men live, breathe and furiously fornicate in search of the fabulously improbable!

    And to that end, their sense of taste – sartorial, aesthetic, culinary and sensual – is rarefied to a degree usually only found in the feverishly inbred prose of one Edgar Allen Poe, and, more specifically, the poster saint par excellence of his shockingly incestuous aesthetes; Roderick Usher.

    Cursed – or blessed, perhaps? – with hearing, vision and touch so hyper-refined that the slightest sensations create  perverse tsunamis of mingled pain and delight, he’s brilliantly caricatured by Rocky Horror doyenne Richard O’Brien

    as the Baron Hellsebubbulus in the straight-to-video trashflick Elvira’s Haunted Hills. Still, screw fading camp icons way past their sell-by-date – with the regrettable deaths of Bowie, George Michael and the meandering, artistic irrelevance of Boy George, it’s still the mercurial Marc Almond – as unpredictable as ever! – who continues to electrify fans with the contents of his Technicolour closets!

    Beyond that sole exception of Bowie – his great and enduring muse – Marc’s continued to dwarf his musical friends, rivals and enemies with a twisted, harmonic finesse that constantly transfigures the most obscure, unlikely and sometimes, even shocking sources into enduring, signature moments of melodic bliss.

    Sure, arguably, that period of Marc’s greatest pop pomp – that untouchable, Tainted Love/Torch period, culminating in the masterful, gnashing froth-and-bile frenzy of Torment and Toreros – may have passed, but Marc – as uncannily prophetic with regard to all things gay as ever – has even anticipated, and artistically catered to, the maturing life-choices and ageing of his core audience.

    Disappointing? For some, yes, but frankly, it’d be impertinent to expect Marc to be frozen in artistic aspic, to ignore all the changes and growth in his life, and still remain the tortured, tormented Goth troubadour of yore, processing emotional pain with the forensic panache of a CSI sadist. For better or worse, Marc’s public persona is now a jolly, lairy, end-of-the-pier turn of a once mildly risque artiste in the fading autumn of their outrage. Still, appearances – especially in the LGBT universe – are deceptive, and the slightest ruffle of Marc’s present placidity can reveal the ferocious, Venus Man-trap within! Theatrically, it’s simply gorgeous, jaw-dropping, artistic schizophrenia, an apparently precious poseur abruptly morphing into turbocharged, alpha male machismo, a high-end, Bugatti queen high on consummate buggery!

    So – when he chooses to – Marc fabulously embodies the double-entendre, Julian Clary attack-dog of his peak, a boisterous sexual mania he ravishingly explores with pure, bollock-thumping bliss! Effortlessly sliding from the deranged, rockabilly raunch of Jacques Brel’sJacky to the fetishistic frenzy of That Dress and the creepy, psychopathic narcissism of Sinatra’s Strangers In The Night, Marc’s acute sense of screaming camp flawlessly strings together the subliminal manias linking his set-list, as admirably as a secretly poisoned pearl necklace on an unsuspecting debutante!

    Which brings us, quite suitably, to the billowing, cellulite-cloud charms of the plus-size, stripper princess Immodesty Blaize, universally – but surely, ironically? – lauded as neo-Burlesque royalty. Quite pitifully, Immodesty embodies the ultimate cliché of compliant, passive femininity that many straight men, inexplicably, find irresistible, especially if that preferred, stereotype lacks the facility of independent thought! But don’t cry on Immodesty’s behalf; the high-camp sensibility tonight is meticulously selected and viciously targeted by ring-master Marc, with drooling straight men completely unaware they’re the butt (in both senses) of Immodesty’s humour. She is, in fact, a very arch laugh at ridiculous sexual clichés shockingly easy to parody, that totally British, Carry Onmind-set that infantilises raw, dangerous, adultsexuality!

    And truly, Marc – and the adoring gay men and women forming the majority of his fan-base – are the only sexual adults present tonight. Like it or loathe it, the sad but shocking reality is that a huge proportion of heterosexual men (and some women) remain emotionally immature their entire lives, obsessed with objectified sex and seizing spousal security at the expense of inner lives. Quite pathetically, it’s up to Marc to spoon-feed his adorably vacant straight fans the tokens of desire – such as Modesty – that they recognise and respond to, but frankly, my watching tolerance turns to withering contempt when these massed, timid mixed couples even need Marc to cue and green-light their dancing to Strangers In The Night!

    My God – is heterosexual courtship, lust and desire really so lame? Based on the evidence ofthis gig, the answer’s obviously a resounding yes, but how thrillingly ironic and empowering does it get when Marc – a feisty cocktail of urbane Noel Coward and raunchy Joe Orton – can orchestrate killer signposts to heterosexual hearts like tonight’s Tainted Love and Say Hello, Wave Goodbye, both re-arranged with the woozy, semi-amnesiac euphoria of prime GHB? This, surely, is the glorious subtext of current gender diversity; straight pop idols aren’t worth the contrived, media lies to desperately click-bait their laughably dreary lives. Christ, no wonder increasingly savvy platform divas – Madonna, Katy Perry, Miley Cyrus, the list is endless – suck mutual chick-lips for maximum exposure; no divas – male or female – know the human heart or rules of attraction better than the exhaustive self-examination pioneered by hardcore, heaven-sent homosexuals. So rave on, Marc Almond – you’re the perfect, pouting Mick Jagger for the gender-fluid generation!

  • BAD BOYS BLITZKREIG!

    Fraulein Sasha Selavie relishes Jean-Paul Gaultier’s Fashion Freak Show @London’s Southbank Centre. 5 Stars!

    There’s two French phrases which perfectly describe career maverick Jean-Paul Gaultier – enfant terrible (terrible child) and monstre sacre (sacred monster). Both, unsurprisingly, fit J-P more snugly than a designer condom dipped in superglue, evoking pin-sharp associations of some unprecedented, hugely unnatural prodigy, Shakespeare’s ‘changeling child’ indeed. Quite aptly, it’s a richly pregnant, imagistic trope also in the glam-rock retro-flick Velvet Goldmine, where an unearthly jewel gifted by aliens serves to spark Oscar Wilde’s fledgling muse, and is passed on through time as a potent, diversity totem to Jack Fairy, the movie’s alternate Bowie clone.

    Still, never expect J-P to lazily plonk his cheeky butt on someone else’s laurels; always impish, audacious and the very essence of cultural promiscuity without limit, hisFashion Freak Show deftly hijacks themes of maternal horror worthy of Joan Crawford’s Mommie Dearest at her most beautifully deranged!

    Let’s set the scene; loudhailers pierce velvet darkness, and immediately, a hospital delivery team appears, with the life-changing abruptness of an acid attack. Yes, it’s J-P making his biological entrance call, his evident exceptionalism and fabulous strangeness bamboozling orthodox diagnosis from the outset. As a theatrical framing device, it’s ideal, arguably only bettered in popular culture by the Velvet Underground’s shatteringly sinister Lady Godiva’s Operation on their White Light/White Heat LP, a grinding, pneumatic snarl sound-tracking a psychopathic sex-change surgery, an unforgettable intro to the Velvet’s compelling realms of sleaze, deviant sex and severely harmful (but oh so moreish…) drugs.

    Still, those are not quite J-Ps spheres of interest, but nevertheless, he’s outraged battalions of brain-dead bourgeois prejudices, especially in the stuffier recesses of a still shockingly patriarchal France. F*ck respect for elders, tradition and authority – in common with the needlessly inappropriate contrarian John Galliano, J-P’s flipped an irrelevant, hugely charming derrier at centuries of social petrification, ceaselessly championing that inexplicable, French obsession with extreme youth, a mind-set that – metaphorically, at least – lets embryos get away with murder!

    So, please, don’t insult J-P by expecting anything as mundane as theatrical logic, rationale or crushingly dull attempts at making sense. Rather, think of the show – the action itself – as a kaleidoscopic, impressionist explosion of the future contents of J-Ps’ skull from the moment of his voyeuristic delivery we’ve so eagerly spied on.

    Oh sure, the signature, J-P outrage tropes are out in defiant, socially outraging force – the Madonna-era bullet bras, the stratospheric shoulder pads and the wickedly frenzied, pelvic thrusts irresistibly imposed by his Josephine Baker, banana skirts on men and women, their jaunty, stubby hems a priapic storm of lemon-yellow arousal!

    Still, even the fiercest J-P couture falls flat if not worn by a Daphne Guinness or Tilda Swinton; mercifully, exceptional couture requires the devil’s contract of exceptional physicality to best elevate both, an assertion made tragically truthful by the appalling vision of fat, clueless, and – most unforgiveable of all – terminally gauche flesh forced into scraps of  deathless elegance Gaga would killfor!

    Oh sure, of course there’s music – how can any Gaultier show worth the name exclude the breathless pulse-beat of the catwalk? – but quite thrillingly, beyond the expected snippets of Bronski Beat’s Smalltown Boy  and Plastic Bertrand’s toddler-tantrum punk Ca Plane Pour Moi, there’s the live, shredded-wire descants of singer Demi Mondaine, her punning nom de plume a term of withering, bourgeois contempt to demonise the Parisian hordes of whores, Bohemians and unclassifiable exotics.

    As you’d expect, there’s a simply awe-inspiring devotion to finesse in every aspect of the show, most visible in the incandescent poise of the performers themselves. Dancer Lazaro Cuervo Costa stunningly genesplices the limitless pansexuality of late-era Prince with the lithe, sculptural fury of Usain Bolt, while a cheekily insouciant Jean-Charles Zambo marries a weightless, Fred Astaire eloquence into a riveting physique that’s a shockingly idealised Tyson Fury, way beyond the reach of the real boxer’s flesh!

    However – for all J-P’s sparkling focus on fluffy, inconsequential ingénues and their radiant youth, J-P cannily salutes the formative voices of previous generations, including a startling, unexpectedly ebullient address from Line Renaud, the 91-year-old activist, actress and singer, proving – quite irrefutably – that the voices of committed excess speak just as eloquently whether they’re closing on the grave, or merrily mincing into adolescence. But – finally – how does one begin to summarise J-P’s cavalcade of outrage in a phrase? A supernova soufflé? No; as always, the French say it best- incroyable!

  • Theatre Review | Avenue Q – National Tour

    Theatre Review | Avenue Q – National Tour

    ★★★★ | Avenue Q, National Tour

    Fresh out of college, looking for somewhere to live and clutching his useless degree, Princeton arrives on Avenue Q, where he meets affable (if lazy) Nicky, his closeted gay roommate, Rod, and Kate, a nursery teacher with big ambitions. The gang try and navigate the trials and tribulations of life, whilst discovering what the internet is really for, why taking a date to a strip club is a bad idea (especially on a school night) and why you should never throw a coin off the top of the Empire State Building.

    At one point in the story, Rod settles in to read his favourite book, Broadway Musicals of the 1940’s, and if you part the fur on this show a little, you will find that underneath it all, Avenue Q is very much a traditional musical at heart, with a will they/wont they love story, a sultry love rival and some ups and downs along the way. One of its particular strengths is in its beautifully crafted musical numbers, which flip between a good excuse for a laugh (The Internet is for Porn) and sweeping songs which progress the narrative (There’s a Fine, Fine Line).

    The script remains sharp and funny, with a rapid fire delivery of gags, and a story which nestles a number of social issues into the comedy without ever preaching. Rod struggles to come out of the closet, and his ode to his best friend (and secret crush) is filled with sadness. Princeton is a little lost in life, Kate feels that she is destined for bigger things and the perverted Trekkie Monster spends his day, shall we say, (ahem) socially isolated.

    With many of the cast playing multiple roles, Tom Steedon steals most of the laughs as Trekkie Monster and Nicky; whilst Cecily Redman belts out the musical numbers with a stirring voice; and the cast effortlessly bring the puppets to life, to the point where you find yourself more focussed on the puppets than the actors.

    If you have ever wondered what an adult version of Sesame Street might look like, then Avenue Q has the answer. The show remains laugh out loud funny, with some close to the knuckle humour which perfectly blends comedy with poignancy to leave you feeling warm and fuzzy inside.

    Avenue Q is at Sheffield Theatres until 3rd August 2019 before continuing on its national tour

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