They’re household names and pop royalty in their native Czech Republic, now the girls are making waves in the UK, with their brand new track Slay Mama. We get together to find out how camp they are…
CREDIT: PR Supplied
If I gave you one million euros this afternoon in unmarked notes, what would you do? Angee: I would probably buy a house or a flat, save something for later and give something to charity Natalie: I think I would buy a flat and a cool car and save some money for good purposes Tereza: I would buy a Chanel boy bag for every member of the band Nikki: I would buy a car and a flat for all of us to hang out, I would also give some to my family, some to charity, and save the rest
Which one of the Village People would you date and why? Angee: Eric Anzalone (Leather Man) because he seems cool Natalie: Felipe Rose… (Native American) he’s hot! Tereza: Victor Willis! (Naval officer) He looks so nice Nikki: David Hodo. (Construction worker) He is cool!
Snog Marry Avoid: Katy Perry, Katie Price, Katie Hopkins Angee: Snog Katy Perry, Marry Katie Price, Avoid Katie Hopkins Natalie: Snog Katy Perry, Marry Katie Price, Avoid Katie Hopkins Tereza: Snog Katy Perry, Marry Katie Price, Avoid Katie Hopkins Nikki: Snog Katie Price, Marry Katy Perry, Avoid Katie Hopkins. But honestly, I only know Katy Perry so don’t take me seriously
If you only could kiss to one song forever more which would it be: Mr Blobby’s Mr Blobby, Celine’s All By Myself or Aqua’s Barbie Girl? Angee: Barbie Girl! Natalie: All By Myself Tereza: Barbie Girl, 100%! Nikki: Celine’s All By Myself
Who is your favourite Kardashian? Angee: Kendall! She’s so pretty and I like her behavior Natalie: Kendall Jenner Tereza: Kendall, she’s the prettiest one Nikki: Kendall all the way!
What are the ultimate ingredients to recording a “gay anthem”? Angee: Dance and fun! Natalie: Good clothes and fun
Champagneis… Angee: Drink. I’m not allowed to drink Natalie: Drink. I’m finally allowed to drink, but I still don’t like the taste Tereza: Sorry, I’m not 18. I don’t know what champagne is! Nikki: Nice for special occasions
What’s the first thing you do in the morning? Angee: Take a long hot shower and drink a hot tea Natalie: Turn on some good and easy going music Tereza: I’m on my phone on Snapchat and Instagram Nikki: Brush my teeth and eat breakfast
What should Madonna do next? Angee: Invite us to her party Natalie: Write a song about me! Tereza: A song with Pink Angels Nikki: Another world tour! She was the first artist I saw perform
What are your thoughts of men in onesies? Angee: Fun and cute Natalie: I have never seen a guy in a onesie so I have no idea Tereza: I think it’s cool. I also have a onesie and it’s the most comfortable thing ever Nikki: Awww, cute!
Lastly, in the song ‘Slay Mama’, you ask what is the boy gonna do with his “record scratch” what is the best thing for a boy to do with his ahem… “record scratch”! Angee: Haha! I like this question. It’s actually a secret, I can’t say but we all know what the meaning was! Natalie: You will never know… Tereza: I can’t tell you! It’s a secret! Nikki: Haha! It’s supposed to be “with your sh*t” so I guess they shouldn’t do stupid sh*t.
There’s a mumble of excitement around the office as I pick up the phone to interview Helen Lederer. Helen is one of the UK’s funniest women. She’s been in countless comedy programmes, including probably one that has made her immortal for the gay community. In fact one of the most quoted lines from Ab Fab in this very office is one of Helen’s… ‘Just lots of lovely packaging…’ As I dial her numbers, I ready my magazine voice – I am certain she’ll appreciate it…
How do you feel about men in Onsies?
I don’t judge people, ever. If that’s their way and they’re comfy in it. I wouldn’t find it a turn on, lets put it that way
Judge ye not ye self be judged or something like that… Well done Hel!
Do you know what sounding is?
Sounding or fisting? I know some other sexual things… (We tell her about the world of sounding) Oh My God. Yes! And then what? Is that like when people end up in casualty saying, ‘I just happened to sit on a loo brush, I can’t image how this happened doctor!’ I’ve never heard of Sounding, but I am aware that domestic products can find their way into offrices as part of life. I never judge.
Quite (shuffles nervously towards the exit…) These things only happen to “friends”
What should Cher do next?
Ooo oooo I love Cher, you mean the Pop Star right? (yes, she of the apex of gay icon status!) Surprising people is good, Madonna is the queen of reinvention as they say, but I don’t want to see Cher turning into a Ralph McTell, do you know who is he is? No you’re too young – he’s a folk singer. I think she should be an individual and I reckon she’d be a kind person if I met her. So I want the best for her.
She should come to your show…
Oh my god, I wonder if she’s plugging! (we inform Helen that she was on X Factor indeed plugging away) I’d really like to interview Cher, I think she’d be approachable and she’s been through some shit and I love those types of people. Maybe you can help me get Cher on my show. Big me up to Cher. Make an introduction.
(Reaches for mobile phone and hit speed dial – in our dreams) This gal is a pro – manages to put Madonna and Cher in the same sentence and then asks us to introduce Cher to her!
Have you ever
a) Facebook stalked an ex for 2 hours
b) Sat alone in the dark with a bottle of red singing along to Celine Dion
c) Destroyed a man’s wardrobe with scissors, because it seemed the right thing to do
None. But I did bite a man’s shoulder once, my variation on c) which is regrettable – and I’ve also done b) as well.
We love a biter… Moving on.
Finish this sentence; I should be a national treasure because…
Oh… but I don’t agree with the premise of the question. I don’t fit into your format do i? Oh god I’ve ruined your format.
(totes okay love…)
I’d be embarrassed to want to be one, I cant be, I’m too odd.
Well, we’ve made a shrine for you in our office….
What’s the campest thing you’ve ever done?
(Laughs) So much. The other day I had my birthday and I found a place called the Crazy Bear and they’ve got seats with Diamonds. Really Upholstered. All men came. All gay men. I was the only lady. That was quite camp.
Darl, those weren’t Diamonds. We love a woman who has her birthday in a bear bar, with a gaggle of gay guys – very Barbra Windsor of you…
If you were the PM what would your first act be?
Rebuk…reduc… hummm… (She pauses, choosing her words) Just be nice.
Well said.
What’s the strangest thing you’ve ever read about yourself?
Oooo I love this question. That I’m a supply teacher of comedy. I find it funny, but in a masochistic kind of way. I should probably be alarmed, but I find it funny.
Anyone who uses the word masochistic to describe themselves is A OK with us.
What’s the best piece of advice you’ve ever been given?
Never go back
Deep.
What’s the gayest thing about you? The fact that you were immortalised in Ab Fab, b) That you’ve rubbed shoulders with Tom Daley in Splash c) That you’re a “wine expert” and travel writer.
Tom Daley, all the way.
Tell us about his tan.
I think because he’s in pool areas so much, they have those solariums – it’s probably quite easy for him to pop out of the water into a solarium. Just to dry of quicker. But a lovely body, it was to be said.
Swim’n’Tan
This interview was taken from Issue 1 of THEGAYUK (2013) Subscribe here to never miss an issue
National treasure Cheryl Baker talks to us about sunbeds in the 80s, doing Poppers for the first time and why Madonna should have used Velcro just like Bucks Fizz.
PR Supplied
JH: Let’s face it, Bucks Fizz has had more line up changes than Sugababes, there’s been 16 at last count! What’s happening?
CB: Well, you know what is crazy is those 16 changes can still call themselves Bucks Fizz. It’s not even Bobby G who owns the name, and he was one of the original members. It’s his wife, and she was 11 when we ran the European Song Contest. The law is the law, but it needs to change because it’s very unfair. You can’t say something is black and white. We go onstage, we are, as far as the audience is concerned, Bucks Fizz.
JH: Ooo errr. So are people like adopts Nikki Grahame style stance WHO IS SHE????
CB: She owns the name. It’s just… it’s wrong. The law is a mess, as they said in ‘Oliver Twist.’
JH: Don’t you want to change the letters around. There’s a kind of an “up yours.”
CB: What’s that called, a spoonerism?
JH: We’ve spoken before about what makes a great gay icon and you said that you had lots of lovely gay fans who called you Dame. We were thinking about it; wouldn’t you rather be a Lady? Lady Cheryl.
CB: They don’t call me Lady. They call me Dame. Everybody does. Gay or not gay, everybody calls me Dame Cheryl.
JH: How did that start, do you know?
CB: I have no idea! I’ve absolutely no idea. It certainly wasn’t because I asked for it.
JH: But you wouldn’t turn down a Damehood right?
CB: I’d like anything.
JH: Let’s keep it real! So Eurovision… Are we doomed forever?
CB: The one thing that really stands out is the camaraderie and the fact that everyone there is rooting for everyone. If Israel is on stage, you still see Greek flags and Spanish flags. They’re all just there because it’s such a joyous occasion. It just unites everybody.
JH: It seems as though it could be getting even bigger because obviously, we’ve got Australia performing in it now, and they’re broadcasting for the first time in the States. What’d you reckon if the States got involved? Could we have Worldvision?
CB: I think it’s long overdue to be perfectly honest. I mean, it is already the biggest musical event in the world. There is nothing bigger. So, yes, America… I should think they’re broadcasting it because they think, “Hang on, I think I see a trick here.”
JH: Globalvision?
CB: Yeah. Globalvision. That’s a good name.
JH: Just imagine the politics! We think it’s bad now. What happens when North Korea gets involved?
CB: Or maybe one day, there’ll be an Intergalacticalvision.
JH: Are you a fan of drag?
CB: Yes.
JH: Do you know what your drag name is?
CB: No. Do I have one?
JH: Okay, well I’ve got a little machine here that does it. I’ve put in your name, so we’ve got Cheryl Baker, and then what was the name of your first pet?
CB: Oh I see. Okay. It was a bird. It was a budgie called Billie.
JH: Now you’ve got to pick a favourite karaoke power ballad. There are seven choices. We’ve got: “Believe” by Cher, “I’m Coming Out” by Diana Ross, “It’s Raining Men,” “R.E.S.P.E.C.T.”, “Vogue,” “I Will Survive,” or “I Want to Dance With Somebody.”
CB: Oh, it’s gotta be Aretha.
JH: Oh god, love that. Right, so then you press the button called “Queen Me,” and your drag name is, I think we might actually get trademark on this, is “Venus Galore”, and it tells you what you’re famous for. You’re famous for giving gorgeous face. What’d you reckon?
CB: I think that’s me to a T! I’m changing my name.
JH: Speaking about a gorgeous face? Your Wikipedia page says you’re 62…
CB: It’s nothing I’m ashamed of.
PR Supplied
JH: You’re looking fabulous for it. What’s the key?
CB: Nothing. There’s no key. I don’t do anything. I don’t ever use soap and haven’t done since I can remember, on my face but who does? I moisturise well. I buy everything that says, “Good for baggy skin.” That’s about it. I don’t do anything else. I certainly don’t have any treatments done. I mean, my Mum had good skin, and the one thing that I probably do, I am aware of, is the sun. I don’t sunbathe. I know the sun is very aging to your skin.
JH: Yeah, but that’s kind of a recent development in skincare. In the 80s, it was all like tan beds wasn’t it?
CB: I had a tanning bed.
JH: Did you use it often?
CB: Yeah. Of course, when I was young. You’d put olive oil on your skin and lemon juice. I mean, you literally put French dressing on your body to tan. I used to think, and most people of my age used to think, ‘what you need to do is burn the first layer off so it all peels off’, and then you get a really nice colour underneath. I mean, it’s ridiculous. How I’m left with any skin at all. I don’t know.
JH: Okay. We’ve got a Marry, Snog, and Avoid situation here.
a) Katie Hopkins,
b) Katie Price,
c) Katy Perry.
CB: I’m marrying Katy Perry.
JH: Are you going to snog Katie Price?
CB: Yes.
JH: And avoiding Katie Hopkins?
CB: Avoid, of course. Yeah.
JH: Not a fan, then?
CB: No. No. I wouldn’t really like to snog Katie Price to be honest. How about just marry and avoid and avoid.
JH: Do you know what amyl nitrate is?
CB: Yes, I do.
JH: Have you ever done it?
CB: Once.
JH: What happened?
CB: I thought my head was going to explode. Mike Nolan gave it to me. We were sitting at a table in Germany with our record company, our German record company, and he said, “Drop your napkin on the floor, and let me go under the table. I’ll give it to you and then you sniff it, a real good sniff.” I was like, “What is it?” He said, “You’ll love it. It’s really good.” So I did, and I really sniffed in deep. I thought, “Oh god, my head’s going to explode!” Then, he put it back in his pocket, got in a taxi, and didn’t screw the lid on properly!! That was my one and only time.
JH: Are you a fan of Cher?
CB: Um, there’s people I admire. I won’t say I’m a fan. I do really admire her like I admire Kylie and Madonna, but I’m not a fan. I think that what they’ve done with their career is superb. I am a fan of her acting. I think she’s a brilliant actress, but I’m not much of a fan of her voice, and the way she’s kept her figure and her face… although it’s changed shape over the years.
JH: She’s had a bit of work done. I don’t know if she’s actually fessed up to that…
CB: Oh, she’s had loads done. Didn’t she have a bum lift? She’s had all sorts done.
JH: Would you have your bum lifted?
CB: If you saw my bum, you’d know the answer to that.
JH: What songs should go into Room 101?
CB: Songs like “The Birdy Song” and “Mr. Blobby” I hate novelty songs. All novelty songs.
JH: And what moment of Rock and Rock history should go into Room 101? 1) Madonna’s cape; 2) Miley’s tongue; 3) Kanye West’s stage invasion.
CB: Oh, Kanye West. (But Madonna’s) cape was unfortunate. What she needed, she needed Velcro. She needed a rip-off skirt moment.
JH: You’ve got your very own Velcro moment, probably one of the most famous Eurovision moments of all time – where did it come from?
CB: It came by chance. It’s because we wanted… I wanted a long skirt because I’ve got footballer’s thighs, and Jay wanted a short skirt. Because she’s tiny and always been tiny. We were having this discussion about the outfits, the colour, the style, and length of our skirts. I was exasperated in the end, and I said, “You know what, let’s have both.” The choreographer said, “Well that’s it! If you want to see some more, we rip the skirt off and the short one’s underneath.” Without it, we wouldn’t have won.
It opened the floodgates, ‘the Eurovision Gimmick Contest’.
Cheryl, Mike and Jay, formerly of Bucks Fizz, will be performing dates in August, September and October across the UK. Visit: www.formerlyofbucksfizz.co.uk
This interview was taken from Issue 21 of THEGAYUK – download for free today.
We catch up with Hannah Spearritt – yes she from S Club 7 fame to find out what her drag name is, why her character on Casualty is actually a dirty minx and why she’d be up for a 20th anniversary of S Club 7 – when the time comes.
JH: We note that your character’s name in Casualty is Mercedes Christie, which is so camp and quite porny. So what are you bringing to the character worthy of a name Mercedes?
HS: Do you think it’s quite a porn name?
JH: Yeah, because it’s got the sexiness of Mercedes, a sexy car, and then Christie at the end which is kinda like, (adopting porny voice) “oh hi, Christie here”.
HS: You know what, even though she wears quite down and out clothes, underneath it all she’s got porn underwear on and crotchless panties. (Laughs)
JH: She’s one of those is she?
HS: She’s a complete slut.
JH: Out of curiosity what is your porn name?
HS: Oh, what’s the formula again?
JH: Your first pet and your mother’s maiden name.
HS: This is not sexy. It’s Barry Bain. (laughter) That really isn’t good. That has to be the most un-sexual name in the world.
JH: Well do you want to know what your drag name is?
HS: Ok, what’s that.
JH: Well we use a website. so your first name is Hannah so I’ll type that in. And the name of your first pet was Barry?
HS: Yeah, Barry the Hamster… (laughter)
JH: Ok now you have to pick you’re favourite song from this set list…
HS: Vogue.
JH: Ok, processing… Your drag name is… Rosemary Hull.
HS: Oh I love it.
JH: And you’re famous for Sickening Fashion.
HS: Brilliant. Can I do one more? What was the list of songs again?
JH: Ok, Hannah, Barry and which song?
HS: Raining Men…
JH: Good choice. Ok, processing… Ooh, Flossy Glitz.
HS: Oh I love it. I could definitely work that.
JH: Apparently you’re famous for death drops and high kicks.
HS: Oh I love it. That’s the one. I love drag.
JH: So drag is: A) The greatest thing since sliced bread. B) Creepy, wrong and slightly evil. C) A chance to see how a dress should be worn.
HS: Ooh it’s a choice between A and C. I’ll go for A.
JH: Would you like to be a judge on RuPaul’s Drag Race?
HS: Oh, I’ve not seen this what is this? Is it a television program?
JH: YES. OMG.
HS: Oh my God where have I been?
ADVERT
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JH: It’s on television. You’ve got a television right?
HS: I’ve obviously been out too much and not watching this programme.
JH: Monday nights. Tru TV. I don’t know what channel that is.
HS: Ok I’ll look for it. I literally have every channel going but I’ve not come across it. I do apologise. I’m sure I’d be an avid fan if I was.
JH: Moving on. At the moment there is this thing going on with the Spice girls reuniting for their 20th year. In a couple of years it’s going to be 20 years of S Club 7. Would you be up for a reunion of that kinda scale?
HS: Is it really going to be 20 years? I think it would be lovely to do something to mark that but I had no idea it had been that long. I’m sure you’re right. Yeah, we got together around 1999. That’s crazy. So yes, it would be awesome to mark that 20th somehow.
JH: You’d need to learn all those dance moves again.
HS: I know.
JH: I could come and teach you.
HS: Are you a choreographer?
JH: No but I know the dance moves.
HS: I bet you do. I bet you know them more than I do.
JH: Who would win in a ‘fight club’ band off. Steps, B*Witched or S Club 7?
HS: Oh, S Club 7 – because there’s 7 of us. And we’ve got boys. We’d totally win.
JH: You could tag team.
HS: Exactly we could take rests. We could have three fighting while we take rests.
JH: But I hear the one’s from B*Witched they fight like their dad.
HS: They fight like their dad?
JH: Yeah. They fight like their dad… It’s in their lyrics!
HS: Oh it’s in the lyrics. Oh I’m sorry. (laughter)
JH: Do you know what Amyl Nitrates is?
HS: It sounds like a chemical.
JH: It’s poppers. Have you heard of poppers before?
HS: (shyly) Yeah. (laughs) Oh dear. It’s been years since I’ve seen those. (laughs)
JH: Your days in the G-A-Y bar are all coming back now.
HS: Yeah. My God that has taken me back.
JH: Do you know what space docking is?
HS: I don’t but I’m thinking about it…
JH: Only guys can do it…
HS: Do you need a penis to do it?
JH: Yes.
HS: Do you share willie shots by webcam?
JH: No, but good guess. It’s where you get each others foreskins and place it over each others willies.
HS: (laughter) And then what happens?
JH: We don’t know. I think it’s just a one time thing.
HS: That’s brilliant. (laughs)
JH: What should Madonna do next?
HS: God. What can she do next? That’s the question. She’s done everything. Go and get a nice cuppa tea (laughs) put a onesie on, do a bit of space docking and watch Ru Paul’s Drag Race. And, film herself doing it and stick it on that stupid programme where they film people watching TV. What’s it called? Google… Goggle Box?
JH: What is the best way to deal with a broken heart! A) A big bottle of red, Celine Dion CDs and ice cream. B) Scissors to all his trousers, undies and ties. C) Put everything in a box to the left.
HS: Erm C. And then, if anything was left, burn it. Go outside get the bbq out and burn it.
JH: Have you ever done that to an ex’s stuff?
HS: I’ve done little things before, but more spiritual. When I want to let go of something then I would burn that one piece that reminds me of that particular person or feeling and burn it to kinda release… I sound so weird now. To say goodbye to it but not in an angry way but in a releasing thing from me.
JH: Complete this sentence. Champagne is..
HS: I was gonna say better than sex, but it’s not. Champagne is great for breakfast.
JH: What’s more enjoyable your pop career, your soap career or your musical theatre career?
HS: You’re gonna think I’m sitting on the fence on this one but they’ve all been good in different ways. For me it’s been about timing. S Club wouldn’t work for me now, yet it worked for me then. It really worked for that part of my life when I was 16, when I was happy to run around a stage and smile all the time. I don’t want to smile all the time anymore (laughs). If I’ve got something to say I’ll say it, but back then it was, “no, happy all the time, come on”. I would have to say, from my current point, the acting side because that’s what I want more and hopefully what I love continues.
Having played the Hokey Cokey with Big Brother earlier this year and leaving the show with a cathchphrase that’s more annoying than finger nails scraping on glass, we thought it time to catch up with ‘Showbiz’ Simon who we found rummaging through a bag of Camila Batmanghelidjh cast offs.
TGUK: You’re stepping into the arena of camp music… in terms of campness where do you rate your single: Full on giving Village People a run for their money? Move over Steps, Mr Showbiz has arrived? Geri Halliwell has nothing on me?
SG: Oh definitely it’s up there with the Village People… Geri who?
Ooo she’s started earlier – Geri-Bloody-Halliwell, the campest music business creation ever. Bar none. 2/10
TGUK: Which one of the village people would you like to date?
SG: Just one? Okay, the construction worker? Wait, was there a construction worker? The one with the helmet…
Two questions in and we’re already on helmet talk. Bravo. 9/10
TGUK: He could come around and fix your pipes…
SG: That’s dirty. But yes, he can fix me with his screwdriver.
With a screwdriver? Dear god man, you’re flesh and blood not a distribution board. 5/10 TGUK: God’s answer to gay men is: -Blue Nun with a Babysham chaser? -Tom Daley in his tiniest costume? -The ability to up light a room with a single soft tone light bulb?
SG: Anything with Tom Daley. Tom Daley, the construction guy from Village People and DVD of Weakest Link with Anne Robinson.
We’re so team Anne Robinson. We’d give anything to hear her tell us we’re weak, that we need punishing, that we’ve been naughty, to sit in the cupboard… 10/10
TGUK: Your look seems to consist of glittery jackets, are you channelling Liza Minnelli?
SG: Love Liza! Do you know how much that jacket cost? I got it off a cruise ship. I was thinking about getting it in different colours. When we were shooting the video I didn’t think it was bright enough so I added a boa.
When in doubt add feathers – it’s always been our motto. 10/10
TGUK: Was shouting “Showbiz” at everyone on that first night of Big Brother a stroke of marketing genius or a mistake?
SG: I call it Genius Marketing Mistake. It was me with lots of
new people I went into hyperactive showbiz mode. People shout “Showbiz” at me in the street.
The only other person who has a catch phrase from Big Brother is Nicki “Who Is She?” Grahame and look at her now. You go Showbiz… 6/10
TGUK: Champagne is?
SG: Something we called in Showbiz a mixer.
We call it breakfast at TGUK Towers. 7/10
TGUK: Who is your favourite Kardashian?
SG: Kim… That butt. I don’t know any of the rest of them, there are so many of them.
You’re right there’s so many of them – every seasons they add another K. It’s like us on the clubbing scene circa 2004. 5/10
TGUK: You said you wanted to be the next Maggie Thatcher discuss?
SG: God, why did I say that? I think she was a strong character and she wore a lot of blue suits…
Practically twins. 8/0
TGUK: Who would play you in the movie of your life?
SG: The construction worker. 10/10
There you have it. With a score of 72/100 Simon Gross proves he has what it takes to live a Showbiz life… Liza, Champagne and Maggie’s suits!
We’re in an exclusive London eatery, Rebecca Chance and I sit down for a natter about why gay porn turns the girls on, and that was just after one Rosé. Yes it’s just an average Tuesday night chez Chance.
As we start, she drags out her camera and asks me to pose for a selfie, naturally I Zoolander the hell out of the picture… “Even that’s turning me on,” she laughs, “that’s not suppose to happen is it!”
As we sit down to talk with Stacey Solomon, she blurts out, “I’m probably more gay than anyone who reads the magazine…” We can tell this is going to go very well indeed.
TGUK: What’s the best thing about being Stacey Solomon?
SS: The best thing about being me is getting to dress up and go to amazing things and do the job that I’ve always dreamed about doing.
TGUK: Is this something you’re wearing later? (pointing at a dress even a Disney princess might have trouble pulling off.)
SS: Yeah… (Laughs) It’s my Cinderella dress… Most people go for what is going to look cool and fashionable, because they’re gonna get pictured… I went for like, what is the most glittery, sequin-ey most Disney-ey dress I can get.
TGUK: We’ve seen you’ve written a book and a GBF features prominently… What’s the best thing about a gay best friend?
SS: The best thing about having a gay best friend is the brutal honesty that I can always count on. If I do look like absolute poo, then he’ll be like, “Oh my god babes, don’t go on…”
TGUK: Marry snog and avoid… Elton John, Sam Smith and Boy George
SS: I would marry Elton John, he seems like he’s got it altogether. You know, comfortable, I mean I can’t marry him… He’s already married… I’d quite like to snog Sam Smith… If the opportunity ever arose… I wouldn’t say no.
TGUK: So you’re going to be avoiding Boy George?
SS: Oh that means I’m going to have to avoid Boy George! Can’t there be a best friend option?
TGUK: Do you know what Amyl Nitrate is?
SS: I have no idea…
TGUK: It’s poppers…
SS: Oh yeah, you sniff them and like they make your bum bigger? Is that right?
TGUK: It could do… Have you done it?
SS: No… (laughs) I’ve never done anything like that… I’m such a geek.
TGUK: Okay, so today we asked the internet how gay Stacey Solomon is and it answered, “It has come from reliable sources that she has been know to have the odd girl fling!”
SS: Ohhh! Who’s the reliable source? TGUK: Answers.com
SS:(Shrieks with laughter) I’ve never had a girl fling, I’m sorry to say, But I feel like I’m a gay man rather than a gay woman. I feel really camp. I’m like the campest person you’ve ever met trapped inside a woman’s body.
TGUK: Do you know who else said that? Cheryl Baker!
SS: Yeah well… me and her. Same person. (Laughs)
TGUK: So champagne is…
SS: A drink? A drink that tastes like fizzy wee if I’m honest. Yeah it’s not my favourite. For sure.
TGUK: Who is your favourite Kardashian?
SS: Humm, that’s a toughie. I think I like Courtney the best. For some reason… oh no, Chloe.. (manager agrees). Chloe’s got like the most, funnest personality, but I like Courtney’s dress sense. I think she’s got great fashion.
TGUK: So your new single is about being Shy. You don’t come across as Shy…
SS: Really?
TGUK: You did once tell an arena of people you were going to poo yourself…
SS: I’m quite happy and open to share my feelings with people, but when it comes to like intimate situations I get really shy.
TGUK: So what’s the gayest thing about you? a) Losing the X Factor to Joe McElderry
SS: Is that gay? For the purposes of this interview yes… b) The Iceland ads. c) Judging Top Dog Model SS: Top dog model. I got to be the campest presenter ever.
TGUK: Do you have a dog?
SS: I have a Chihuahua Pomeranian. Hashtag Gay.
TGUK: In your house are we most likely to find a shrine to: Peter Andre, Kylie Minogue Or Simon Cowell?
SS: Kylie. I’m obsessed with Dannii, I am in love with her.
TGUK: So you’d use her as a conduit to Dannii?
SS: I mean it’s my only connection to Dannii. She’s genuinely the loveliest lady ever in the whole entire world. She still keeps in contact with me six years later. Whenever I do something she texts, “Well done, I love this” I love her.
TGUK: We do love a bit of Dannii if truth be told…
SS: I’ve got all her albums.
TGUK: We’ve had a lot of sex to those albums… (with ourselves…)
SS: Me too. (laughs)
TGUK: Tell us something wildly camp about Simon Cowell
SS: Everything. (Laughs.) Really. He wears like the tightest trousers, he is so well pruned, he really looks after himself everything about him is camp.
TGUK: Did you get to know anything about his dressing room activities?
SS: No and I’m not upset about that. I’d rather not know.
TGUK: What’s the best way to get back at a cheating lover?
A) Bottle of Red, singing All By Myself out the window
B) Cutting up his silks,
C) Everything he owns in a box to the left?
SS: Ermm. I think I’d be the one singing to the window. I’d probably be making my own rain. Just to add a bit of effect.
TGUK: What do you feel about men in oneies?
SS: I mean each to their own. They’re not attractive on anyone are they? But you know, comfort comes first.
TGUK: What should Cher do next?
SS: Come and see me. I love her. Cher if you’re listening. I’ve been waiting all my life to meet you. If you’re not busy.
TGUK: What would you do if she actually came back to yours?
SS: I don’t know. Probably sing her songs back to her.
TGUK: We’re just imagining Cher’s face.
SS: (laughs) She’d love it!
TGUK: What’s the strangest thing you’ve ever read about yourself?
SS: People always write about how I’m feeling. There’s always like a headline: “Stacey’s tired today…” I’m like ‘no I just didn’t wear make up”, “Stacey’s really upset or heart broken today”. I’m like no! Didn’t anyone wanna ask me.
Sometimes people go on and randomly change my Wikipedia page. They add little things. It gets taken off the next day because it has to be confirmed, but it goes up for 24 hours. The other day someone wrote: “Stacey is currently dating Steve O who she thinks is a great person and she’s really excited to have met such a wonderful man…” I was like who took the time to write this nonsense.
Once someone on there wrote my eldest son’s dad was gay. That was on there for 24 hours.
TGUK: That gives you multiple points if that’s true…
SS: It’s not. Maybe I should just roll with it… He may take me to court over it. But as long as I get points.. (Laughs)
TGUK: Finish this gay mantra….
Ladies with an attitude, fellas that were in the mood…
SS: I didn’t hear a word you just said then! TGUK: (We repeat) Ladies with an attitude, fellas that were in the mood… finish… SS:(Looks blankly at us) Sing it to me… TGUK: We can’t it’s a rap.
SS: (looks a little lost) TGUK: Ladies with an attitude, fellas that were in the mood, strike a pose there’s…
SS: And? TGUK: There’s nothing… SS: To it?
TGUK: Wow. Minus-five.
SS: Sorry I was struggling..
TGUK: Do you know who Madonna is?
SS: Stop it!
TGUK: Will you ever wear a cape?
SS: Not now… She handled that so well.
TGUK: Have you ever fallen on stage?
SS: No. But ratio to the amount of times I’ve been on stage and Madonna’s been on stage…
TGUK: You don’t do too much dancing do you?
SS: Come on now, look at me. I’m not the dancing type am I. I’ve got two left feet and I’m like a stork. I trip over thin air. It’s best for me to sit still. Maybe a little walk to the right.
TGUK: Do you know what Space Docking is?
SS: No… by the smile on your face it does not sound good!
TGUK: We learnt this one from The Overtones! Well it’s when two men “dock” with each other’s penises,with their foreskins…
SS: (Looks astounded at us) Like a little hoody? Well the Jews wouldn’t like it would they! How they gonna do that? That’s not for everyone. That’s why I don’t know!
Jodie Marsh is known for her reserved and placid personality, her ability to blend into any situation and to carefully consider her words. All this have made her a national treasure. Oh no wait. Sorry… Jodie Marsh is loud, unafraid to say what she feels and takes no prisoners. We catch up with her to chat gay BFFs, Kim Kardashian, shagging Jeremy Kyle and her obsession with gay porn.
Which you do you prefer: Gay Paris? Brighton?
The sounds of a hot, toned, naked man being whipped?
Well, it would probably be the third one because I’m actually celibate. But I have found that lately, don’t ask me why, but all that seems to turn me on is gay porn. By that I mean two men together or two women together. I don’t know why. I don’t want sex for myself but if I want to get in the mood, you know, on my own, kind of thing, all I want to look at is two men together or two women together (laughing) I think women have found man on man action hot for years, I know I have. I knew it turned me on when I watched Brokeback Mountain. I don’t know if that means I’m gay or whether it means I’m bisexual… That’s all that excites me these days.
11/10 Give this woman a gift certificate for Cockyboys. STAT! We like a woman who gets off on gay porn. We’ve known for years that women like a bit of bum fun.
We hear you’ve been celibate for four years, what are you waiting for?
I just got to a point where I didn’t trust anyone, so I’m waiting for The One, whoever that might be. I got burned a lot of times, by people who tricked me or lied to me. In fact one, who was a gay guy, for reasons unknown he pretended to be straight and tried to date me. It was only when I trawled through his Facebook (as far as I possibly could) I found pictures of him snogging his ex-boyfriend. I was like, “what the f***!”, because he wasn’t even bi, he was fully gay, when I confronted him, he had no answer. I just haven’t found anyone worthy of shagging The Marsh.
15/10 For your self worth… And for dating a gay guy. We’re pesky things you know… Always turning up where we’re not expected! 5 for branding yourself as The Marsh. Got to be done.
What are your thoughts on C**k rings?
Oh… I don’t know. I’ve never actually seen one used properly. When I was having sex years ago, it was generally me taking control and it would be me giving them a good seeing too. We might have involved sex toys and stuff, but I only ever mildly dabbled really… Only because it’s kind of an outrageous shag anyways with me…
9/10 Wham Bam thank you Mr…
Which is your favourite Kardashian?
What’s that… sorry? (Explain the Kardashians) I’ve never watched the show, but my best friend, who is a gay guy, is obsessed with them. Obsessed. This is so funny, it’s going to sound awful, please do not think I’m being a bitch, I’m not, but I’m telling you factually what happened. We were at my house, and I’ve got this f***ng 80-inch, it’s the biggest telly you’ve ever seen; it’s HD, 3D and all that. I was like, ok, let’s put this shit on, let me see what all the fuss is all about… My friend’s gone a bit quiet and I’m like, ‘I don’t get it, I don’t get what all the fuss is about!’ He said, ‘right, can I be honest with you, cause your telly’s so big, you can see that actually they’re not that hot, because this HD shit. They look amazing on my telly, but my telly’s really small…’
So you’re ruining the Kardashians, one gay man at a time?
Yeah, I can assure you that on my telly they look like normal girls from Romford.
9/10 for being such a size queen about the size of your telly.
What’s the gayest thing about you A wedding dress that would make most Gypsy weddings pale in comparison? Your gym obsession? Your very own drag queen?
I think it’s my very own Drag Queen, because I do know I have my very own drag queen in the form of Jodie Harsh, but I also do have my very own gay best friend Dave, who is more than happy for me to put a full face of make up on him and dress him up in silly things. That’s another added bonus because come fancy dress parties and Halloween I literally make him up in full drag and I take great pleasure in doing that. (Laughs )– and he loves it. He’s very gay – we’re almost like a married couple me and him – but without the sex.
15 /10 So you’re like a married couple then. Love that you’re creating images of Gimme Gimme Gimme, with your gay best friend.
If you had to break your celibacy with one of these three men, who would it be? 1) JeremyKyle? 2) Richard Madeley? 3) David Cameron?
It would probably be Richard or Jeremy, Jeremy is just intelligent. If you shagged him, I think he’d be a great conversation afterwards (laughs) Because he’s really clever and has a lot to say. Good for bed chat… Richard Madeley is just a really really nice guy and he’s really caring, so I think he’d give you cuddles after sex.
1/10 Bedtime chat and cuddles? Shag the most powerful man in the country and then make him do your bidding was the correct answer!
In your house are we most likely to find… a) A little devil dust buster? b) Cross trainer? c) Shrine to Tom Daley?
A Cross trainer, because I do have a home gym.Idoanhourandhalfadayuptofive hours a day.
Can I just say about Tom Daley… We all knew he was gay for so long… (laughs) it took him so long to come out didn’t it!
Find out all about Jodie Marsh and her impressive workout routine at www.jstjodie.co.uk
If you don’t know who Paul Burston is, you’ve clearly been living under a rock. A stalwart of the gay scene, ACTUP activist, one-time editor of TimeOut’s LGBT Section, a writer for multiple magazines and newspapers including the Guardian and author of 4 best-selling novels.
In your time you must have had some incredible brushes with the rich and famous – who has been your favourite?
I’ve been a journalist for 25 years and I’ve been lucky enough to meet a great many famous people I admire, including Debbie Harry, Victoria Wood and Princess Diana. But if I had to pick one, I’d say Elizabeth Taylor. I met her at London Lighthouse in the mid-90s. She was so tiny – and every inch a star. I’d always loved her, and she didn’t disappoint. She was one of the first stars to speak out about AIDS and a true original. Watching Helen Bonham-Carter play her in that TV drama recently only highlighted just how unique she was. Nobody does Liz Taylor like Liz Taylor.
We love that you call her Liz, like totally on first name terms. Bravo Gay stripes.
Finish this sentence: Champagne is…
…Great fun while it lasts, not so much fun the following day. Champagne hangovers are the worst!
We hear you, Paul, we hear you!
Ultimate girl band: Rihanna, Katy Perry and Miley or Kylie, Madonna and Belinda Carlisle?
I’d have to go with Kylie, Madonna and Belinda. But only because Kate Bush, Debbie Harry and Stevie Nicks weren’t an option.
Ooo you’re ultra old skool, (and you’ve made us spell School in that kooky way…) Excellent.
The campest moment of your life?
Introducing Celia Imrie at Polari last year. We managed to keep her surprise guest appearance a tightly guarded secret, although a few of the regulars had their suspicions. As soon as I announced her, there was pandemonium! If you’d asked me before then, I’d have said it was introducing Fenella Fielding – also at Polari. Both are fabulously camp women, beloved by gay audiences. And both are great supporters of the LGBT community. It was a privilege to introduce them.
You are kind of like Cilla Black, matchmaking the gays with their icons. We love it.
What do other people think your most attractive feature is?
I’d like to say it was my cheeky smile and sparkling personality, but it’s probably my legs. I was a keen cyclist for years, so I have well-developed leg muscles. And yes, I’m familiar with the saying, “nice legs, shame about the face!”
Ooh He’s got footballers legs and self-effacing. Are you single by any chance?
If you were PM for a day what would be your first ruling…
I’d bestow honours on Bette Bourne and David Hoyle. Dame-hoods, naturally.
Natch.
What are the two things you couldn’t live without?
My husband. He’s the love of my life and I can’t imagine life without him.
My iPhone. I’ve written most of my new novel on it. I no longer carry a notebook everywhere. Everything is written in Notes on my phone and backed up onto my desktop. Now I can actually read my own notes!
You are ridiculously modern. Furthermore, you managed to plug the fact you’re working on a new novel. The man is a professional.
Most embarrassing drunken moment?
Meeting David Bowie at an after show party. I’m a massive fan and got hideously drunk on free Champagne. When he arrived, I launched myself at him and announced that when I was 15, he saved my life. He smiled knowingly and said, ‘really?’ ‘Yes,’ I replied. ‘And you’re still the man!’
I couldn’t believe the crap coming out of my mouth. I mean, ‘you’re the man!’ Who says that? He must get it a lot. He’s David Bowie, after all. But he was very gracious, a perfect gentleman.
We know exactly what you mean, we did that with Kelly Osborne once. Well, we think it was Kelly Osborne. It was dark.
Is there a gay Mafia?
Not really. But some of us like to dress the part.
Snaps.
Liza needs to do… next?
I love Liza. She’s been written off so many times, but she’s still here.
She’s a living legend. She just needs to keep on living. That’s enough for me.
Gotch ya, long live Liza. May she stumble from party to party forever.
Check out Paul Burston’s monthly Polari Literary Salon at: www.polariliterarysalon.co.uk
If you don’t know who Sinitta is then we can only ask one question, which rock have you been sleeping under? We talk to X FACTOR’s favourite guest… Sinitta.
So… So Many Men So Little Time, we’re getting a theme here with your hits – all to do with man loving, (girl after our own heart)… So what are you looking for this time, someone Macho? Toy Boyish? or other?
Actually now I’m looking for someone gorgeous with a big big BIG heart! Lips that are juicy and chewy, a touch that is firm but gentle… I’m crazy and emotional, I need passion, warmth and soul. I want eyes that I can melt in and a chest I can lie on and weep on and sleep on and a body I can feast on. Forever… Sorry Did I say that out loud?
5/5 She’s an animal. Someone get this woman a man… Stat!
What’s your feelings about grown men in Onesies?
Hmmm I actually got to see quite a few this year and they were men of all different shapes and sizes. They looked ridiculous but comfortable, so it was kind of sweet really.
4/5 Come on now Sinitta, ridiculous is the word… Comfortable and fashion are two words that should never be heard together… You should know that!
Do you know what ‘Sounding’ is?
NO!
Explain to Sinitta that it involves men’s bits and a metal rod…
Even with the clues – just NO! No idea!
2/5 The naive mind is a precious place. Once you’ve seen it – you can’t un-see it.
Have you ever given or tried to give fashion advice to Simon Cowell?
Of course!
3/5 And does he listen? We think you need to take scissors to his high wasted jeans and cut cut cut.
What’s the strangest thing you’ve ever read about yourself?
Oh dear, ok latest one is that Simon has me gagged so I can’t talk about stuff. How can you GAG THE MOUTH?!! Anyway, it’s not true, I actually exercise my own censorships and discretions, it’s Louis who needs a Gag! And a Bit, and a Bridle!
6/5 Love that she’s referred to herself as THE MOUTH. Extra points for the capitalisation but we’ve deducted some points for the mental image of Louis in a gag, bit and bridle.
The biggest pain in the world is… a) Simon Cowell b) Child birth, or c) Getting a tropical plant’s leaf stuck in a place that it shouldn’t be?
This one’s easy, a Broken Heart. That thing can just ache and ache and ache for such a long time, you wonder if you will EVER be the same again. But TRUTH is, eventually you will get better and it will be ok.
4/5 White wine heals all wounds darl, white wine and Tramadol.
Is there any possible way to out camp the leaf dress?
I really do hope so, though I must admit I haven’t thought of it yet… Imagine if I have “peaked in campness” now, with so many years left to live – nightmare!
4/5 Perish the thought – Can we suggest you in an oversized champagne glass, served with 4 topless hunks, wearing nothing but the labels of a well known champagne brand?
You seem to be the nicest celebrity that ever graced the earth! There must be an inner Diva? Ever had a stand up argument with another celebrity? Who, What, When and did you patch it up?
Aah, that’s really sweet of you to say that… Hmmm I did have a very famous fight with Pete Burns back in the 90s – we were performing with Kylie. Playing the Tokyo Dome he is about 6ft 2 and me 5ft 4 and he thought I was babyish and said, “Here she is-LITTLE MISS SHOWBIZ” in a catty voice and tried to fling me off of the stage! I think we were fighting over a boy, I can’t really remember what triggered it, so I grabbed him by his weave and shook him until all of his rings fell off and threw him onto the ground and stood on him in my red patent leather heels! Ok, now the truth - I was pretty lame I must admit, I think I just let some big man pick me up and carry me away and then started yelling back at him from a safe distance! We are good though Pete and I, we actually get along well if we see each other. He’s actually a big softie!
10/5 – Automatic 2 extra points for mentioning Kylie. Two more points for the over active imagination and the visual of grabbing Pete by the weave and 1 more for the truth fairy…
What’s the best advice you’ve ever been given?
Best advice I have ever been given – gosh so much good stuff… Be true to yourself always, then at least you always know who you are and where you are at. That may have been me who said that. Or, if you are going through Hell, just keep on going and don’t stop until you get the hell out of there – and no matter how hurt you get never give up on Love… Love fiercely, even when you fight… Love each other
4/5 This is very Celine Dion. We like.
What are you doing, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday night? Aren’t you knackered?
Knackered!!! Actually when not being a disco diva or being Mama, you can find me on my lover’s chest watching House of Cards. On Netflix! It’s incredible… After that I will be watching Scandal. Kerry Washington! Sounds so normal right? But, I will be wearing Westwood heels and a Chanel feather jacket…
7/5 Sinitta you kill us. Long live the Leaf wearing campness that is Diva Mamma Sinitta.
So Many Men, So Little Time is out now via all good digital retailers.
So tell us what is Major – A) Tom Daley’s Tan, B) Joey Essex’s Teeth C) Ann Widdecombe’s Hair.
Elsa: a) Tom Daley’s Tan! Bless him, he seems like a sweet boy. It must have been a tough decision for him to come out through the media, I really wish him all the best.
Irene: b) Joey Essex’s Teeth (the teeth of the whole cast of TOWIE are Major, ha ha ha! Seems like they all had it done at the same place. They probably had a great discount as a group – lol). I’ve lived in Essex so the bigger the better. Life as CHAV as ever INIT?
8/10 Well done, gurls, Tom Daley’s tan is Major as well as accepting the Chav within scores you high points. There is no prize…
Finish this powerful gay message…
I’m spinning around/ Move outta my way/ I know you’re…
Elsa & Irene: I know you’re feeling me cause you like it like this… Elsa: Love Kylie, she is a great Icon Irene: Anything for Kylie, I take my hat off to her… so so inspiring and stunning… she is forever young.
7/10 Yes she is “forever young” We pause and think to wonder why…
Kylie’s next move should be? Elsa: I have always wished that Kylie and Dannii record an album together.
I’m sure it would work – it’d be completely unexpected, and it’d be a hit. When 2 sisters are put together on something, nothing can’t stop them:) Come on it’s all about sister, MAJOR!
Irene: That’s right sis… so Major… Kylie’s next move could be a duet with Major perhaps? Why not, Kylie please call us! I think she is fantastic. I love the way she constantly reinvents herself. Just divine. (This is supposed to be a secret but we are working at the moment with the legendary Pete Hammond creating hits and recreating some that you guys are already familiar with.)
11/10 Amazing concept and extra point for the shameless Sister plug (these two are sisters – don’t you know…)
Have you heard of Poppers? Ever tried them?
Elsa: Sure I know poppers. Never tried but I’ve heard of their incredible ability to relax certain muscles 😉 ha ha
Irene: No … but I will find out!
8/10 Loving the knowledge and the readiness to try new things – We’re going to go far…
What 3 things do you have to take everywhere with you?
Elsa: Lipstick, my Ray Ban Wayfarer sunglasses and my phone to listen to music. Irene: A) My handbag – inseparable – it’s ready to travel and always got everything I need to refresh myself. The French call it “un baise en ville”… Still don’t know why… 😉
B) My car keys (I like to feel independent and not to worry about transport if no taxis around).
C) My sunglasses. It’s all about mystery again. (One should always protect their eyes. I can’t remember the last time I went out without them.)
4/10 Bags, Keys and Lippy- are all expected – we were thinking Adopted children, Your macrobiotic nutritionist and your yogi/life guru… but we loved the surprise flinging of French, so have four points…
What are people surprised to learn about you? Elsa: Expect the unexpected lol… Irene: That with this figure, I don’t exercise… “You are what you eat”, in a way right? I stick with that and I never buy a dress that is a bigger size than what I want to be.
3/10 Pluuuurlease, we hate/are jealous of anyone with a “I can eat anything figure…”
Your greatest guilty pleasure? Elsa: Music; I wouldn’t live without music. It really has a great effect on me. Music is a form of self expression and of course has a great positive effect on wellbeing.
Irene: Red lipstick 6/10 Keep it ruby red baby…
Complete this sentence… (best line gets 10 points) I need to finish this glass of champers otherwise…. Elsa: I need to finish this glass of champers otherwise it’s a SIN. Irene: …There will be no refill.
11/10 Irene you and I are going to be the best of friends, I can tell. It’s uncanny the way we think alike.
The secret to Majors’ hearts is…. Elsa: It wouldn’t be a secret anymore if I tell you 😉 I like to be surprising.
Irene: Yes Major sisters are full of mysteries. Guys it’s for you to find out!
7/10 Cue Aretha Song…
What’s next ladies? Irene: The only way is UP! For Major, we are children of the world. Two sisters having FUN. With Big hair don’t care. We have Big Dreams and Big Ambitions but most importantly Big Hearts. We cannot wait to see Major growing from a humble start into an Empire.
Elsa: We love to entertain and we are proud to connect with the world through our music. Our journey so far has been such a blessing. Being role models means so much to us. We can only be grateful. Thank you!
7/10 Stirring Very Stirring.
Go witness greatness visit their website www.majormajor.com
