National treasure Cheryl Baker talks to us about sunbeds in the 80s, doing Poppers for the first time and why Madonna should have used Velcro just like Bucks Fizz.

JH: Letโs face it, Bucks Fizz has had more line up changes than Sugababes, thereโs been 16 at last count! Whatโs happening?
CB: Well, you know what is crazy is those 16 changes can still call themselves Bucks Fizz. Itโs not even Bobby G who owns the name, and he was one of the original members. Itโs his wife, and she was 11 when we ran the European Song Contest. The law is the law, but it needs to change because itโs very unfair. You canโt say something is black and white. We go onstage, we are, as far as the audience is concerned, Bucks Fizz.
JH: Ooo errr. So are people like adopts Nikki Grahame style stance WHO IS SHE????
CB: She owns the name. Itโs just… itโs wrong. The law is a mess, as they said in โOliver Twist.โ
JH: Donโt you want to change the letters around. Thereโs a kind of an โup yours.โ
CB: Whatโs that called, a spoonerism?
JH: Weโve spoken before about what makes a great gay icon and you said that you had lots of lovely gay fans who called you Dame. We were thinking about it; wouldnโt you rather be a Lady? Lady Cheryl.
CB: They donโt call me Lady. They call me Dame. Everybody does. Gay or not gay, everybody calls me Dame Cheryl.
JH: How did that start, do you know?
CB: I have no idea! Iโve absolutely no idea. It certainly wasnโt because I asked for it.
JH: But you wouldnโt turn down a Damehood right?
CB: Iโd like anything.
JH: Letโs keep it real! So Eurovision… Are we doomed forever?
CB: The one thing that really stands out is the camaraderie and the fact that everyone there is rooting for everyone. If Israel is on stage, you still see Greek flags and Spanish flags. Theyโre all just there because itโs such a joyous occasion. It just unites everybody.
JH: It seems as though it could be getting even bigger because obviously, weโve got Australia performing in it now, and theyโre broadcasting for the first time in the States. Whatโd you reckon if the States got involved? Could we have Worldvision?
CB: I think itโs long overdue to be perfectly honest. I mean, it is already the biggest musical event in the world. There is nothing bigger. So, yes, America… I should think theyโre broadcasting it because they think, โHang on, I think I see a trick here.โ
JH: Globalvision?
CB: Yeah. Globalvision. Thatโs a good name.
JH: Just imagine the politics! We think itโs bad now. What happens when North Korea gets involved?
CB: Or maybe one day, thereโll be an Intergalacticalvision.
JH: Are you a fan of drag?
CB: Yes.
JH: Do you know what your drag name is?
CB: No. Do I have one?
JH: Okay, well Iโve got a little machine here that does it. Iโve put in your name, so weโve got Cheryl Baker, and then what was the name of your first pet?
CB: Oh I see. Okay. It was a bird. It was a budgie called Billie.
JH: Now youโve got to pick a favourite karaoke power ballad. There are seven choices. Weโve got: โBelieveโ by Cher, โIโm Coming Outโ by Diana Ross, โItโs Raining Men,โ โR.E.S.P.E.C.T.โ, โVogue,โ โI Will Survive,โ or โI Want to Dance With Somebody.โ
CB: Oh, itโs gotta be Aretha.
JH: Oh god, love that. Right, so then you press the button called โQueen Me,โ and your drag name is, I think we might actually get trademark on this, is โVenus Galoreโ, and it tells you what youโre famous for. Youโre famous for giving gorgeous face. Whatโd you reckon?
CB: I think thatโs me to a T! Iโm changing my name.
JH: Speaking about a gorgeous face? Your Wikipedia page says youโre 62…
CB: Itโs nothing Iโm ashamed of.

JH: Youโre looking fabulous for it. Whatโs the key?
CB: Nothing. Thereโs no key. I donโt do anything. I donโt ever use soap and havenโt done since I can remember, on my face but who does? I moisturise well. I buy everything that says, โGood for baggy skin.โ Thatโs about it. I donโt do anything else. I certainly donโt have any treatments done. I mean, my Mum had good skin, and the one thing that I probably do, I am aware of, is the sun. I donโt sunbathe. I know the sun is very aging to your skin.
JH: Yeah, but thatโs kind of a recent development in skincare. In the 80s, it was all like tan beds wasnโt it?
CB: I had a tanning bed.
JH: Did you use it often?
CB: Yeah. Of course, when I was young. Youโd put olive oil on your skin and lemon juice. I mean, you literally put French dressing on your body to tan. I used to think, and most people of my age used to think, โwhat you need to do is burn the first layer off so it all peels offโ, and then you get a really nice colour underneath. I mean, itโs ridiculous. How Iโm left with any skin at all. I donโt know.
JH: Okay. Weโve got a Marry, Snog, and Avoid situation here.
a) Katie Hopkins,
b) Katie Price,
c) Katy Perry.
CB: Iโm marrying Katy Perry.
JH: Are you going to snog Katie Price?
CB: Yes.
JH: And avoiding Katie Hopkins?
CB: Avoid, of course. Yeah.
JH: Not a fan, then?
CB: No. No. I wouldnโt really like to snog Katie Price to be honest. How about just marry and avoid and avoid.
JH: Do you know what amyl nitrate is?
CB: Yes, I do.
JH: Have you ever done it?
CB: Once.
JH: What happened?
CB: I thought my head was going to explode. Mike Nolan gave it to me. We were sitting at a table in Germany with our record company, our German record company, and he said, โDrop your napkin on the floor, and let me go under the table. Iโll give it to you and then you sniff it, a real good sniff.โ I was like, โWhat is it?โ He said, โYouโll love it. Itโs really good.โ So I did, and I really sniffed in deep. I thought, โOh god, my headโs going to explode!โ Then, he put it back in his pocket, got in a taxi, and didnโt screw the lid on properly!! That was my one and only time.
JH: Are you a fan of Cher?
CB: Um, thereโs people I admire. I wonโt say Iโm a fan. I do really admire her like I admire Kylie and Madonna, but Iโm not a fan. I think that what theyโve done with their career is superb. I am a fan of her acting. I think sheโs a brilliant actress, but Iโm not much of a fan of her voice, and the way sheโs kept her figure and her face… although itโs changed shape over the years.
JH: Sheโs had a bit of work done. I donโt know if sheโs actually fessed up to that…
CB: Oh, sheโs had loads done. Didnโt she have a bum lift? Sheโs had all sorts done.
JH: Would you have your bum lifted?
CB: If you saw my bum, youโd know the answer to that.
JH: What songs should go into Room 101?
CB: Songs like โThe Birdy Songโ and โMr. Blobbyโ I hate novelty songs. All novelty songs.
JH: And what moment of Rock and Rock history should go into Room 101?
1) Madonnaโs cape;
2) Mileyโs tongue;
3) Kanye Westโs stage invasion.
CB: Oh, Kanye West. (But Madonnaโs) cape was unfortunate. What she needed, she needed Velcro. She needed a rip-off skirt moment.
JH: Youโve got your very own Velcro moment, probably one of the most famous Eurovision moments of all time โ where did it come from?
CB: It came by chance. Itโs because we wanted… I wanted a long skirt because Iโve got footballerโs thighs, and Jay wanted a short skirt. Because sheโs tiny and always been tiny. We were having this discussion about the outfits, the colour, the style, and length of our skirts. I was exasperated in the end, and I said, โYou know what, letโs have both.โ The choreographer said, โWell thatโs it! If you want to see some more, we rip the skirt off and the short oneโs underneath.โ Without it, we wouldnโt have won.
It opened the floodgates, ‘the Eurovision Gimmick Contest’.
Cheryl, Mike and Jay, formerly of Bucks Fizz, will be performing dates in August, September and October across the UK. Visit: www.formerlyofbucksfizz.co.uk
This interview was taken from Issue 21 of THEGAYUK – download for free today.