This week a reader finds out that her husband of 14 years cheated on her with male sex workers, whilst she was in prison. He also bugged her phone and continues to see escorts, even when their two kids are in the house.
Dear Dr Dannii
I have been with my hubby for 14 years and I know I was his first love.
Recently I was incarcerated and did six months in jail away from my love and he cheated on me with a sex worker, who turned out to be male. We have two children under 10 and I know he’s been bringing in sex workers and drug users into our home whilst the kids are there.
He also has hacked my phone, so he can listen to my conservations, even when I’m not using it. I haven’t cheated on him so I have no idea what to do next.
I feel every time I go out he cheats on me and I don’t want him to pass on any STDs to me. We’ve talk about working this through and he says he’ll change, but I can’t and don’t want to live with a guy who can’t be faithful.
(Message edited for clarity and length)
Your message was long and a bit unclear in some parts, but I understood what you were trying to say, and how much you have been through.
Please do not stay in the situation that you are in. You are clearly unhappy and it is obvious that your partner has no consideration for your feelings at all. I am sorry to be so blunt, but this will not change. I believe I understood you have children, if so this can not be a healthy situation for any young people to be in.
Please try and get the necessary help (including any protection you might need!) and build a new life for you and your children and stop waiting for others to change.
Your first stop should be to social services or give Family Lives (0808 800 2222) a call to talk through your problem. It sounds like you need some guidance from people who can help tackle your issues head on. It might be good check out the woman’s website over at Shelter, who have some brilliant advice for women in need of refuge.
The other thing to consider and it all depends on your family and friendship connections – but do you have parents, family or friends you can call on to help you, even if it’s to leave the house with your children for a while and get them out of that toxic environment?
If you are concerned about your sexual health, you should book yourself in with your GP or a sexual health clinic.
You have dealt with so much already, so you are strong enough to make it through.
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Dannii Cohen is a stand-up comedian (drag name Divine Varod) and comedy writer turned author, psychologist, professional counselor, life coach and self-help expert. Specialized in LGBT issues, anxiety, empowerment, children’s issues and bullying.
Published works include children’s books about childhood depression and the importance of being yourself (When Clouds Hide The Sun and Christopher the Lonely Bear) and an easy to use self help manual 50 Things To Know To Have A Better Life: Self-Improvement Made Easy.