This week our specialists Jake Jenkins and Jenna Thomas from 56 Dean Street talk about condoms.
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Dear TGUK & 56DS Everyone says that If you want a safer sex, you have to use condom. But can it prevent all diseases? Best Jimmie
Dear Jimmie
Having safer sex means having sex that has less risk of catching or passing on an STI.
Using a condom is the best way to do this, however, it doesn’t completely prevent you from catching an STI. Lots of things can affect how likely you are to catch an STI such as a condom slipping or breaking during sex and contact during foreplay such as rubbing, masturbating each other, and oral sex.
A few things that can help are ensuring a condom is used from start to finish during penetration, using latex condom-friendly lubricant (such as water or silicone-based), and regular screening for STIs.
Do not use Vaseline or oil-based lubricants. Don’t forget one of the best ways to protect yourself is to know your status. Book a sexual health check regularly to make sure you’re always in the know.
Even if you do everything right accidents can happen so it’s good to know about PEP, this is a course of medication you may be able to take if you have been at high risk of HIV. Or indeed check out your options surrounding PrEP.
Every 8th of November is Intersex Remembrance Day. Here’s why it exists and why it matters.
Every year, Intersex Remembrance Day, which is also known as Intersex Solidarity Day strives to inform and educate people about intersex people, their human rights issues, and the discrimination they face in daily life, including the decision for many to “normalise” their own sex in their own time and if they want to. It takes place on the 8th of November, the same day as the birthday of Herculine Barbin, a French intersex person whose memoirs were later published by Michel Foucault.
Many find the decision to determine their own sex is taken away from them at birth when parents and doctors make the determination upon the discovery that they are intersex.
These surgeries can often lead to infertility, pain, and mental suffering.
Is Intersex Remembrance day the same as Intersex Awareness Day?
Photo by Katie Rainbow 🏳️🌈 on Pexels.com: The official Intersex Flag
Essentially these two days are similar. Intersex Awareness Day takes place on the 26th of October and is mainly observed in English-speaking countries such as North America, Australia, the UK, and South Africa. Intersex Remembrance Day is mainly observed in Europe.
What is Intersex?
According to Intersexday.org, intersex people are “born with sex characteristics that don’t meet medical and social norms for female or male bodies”.
It is thought that up to 1.7 percent of babies are intersex. Some are born with obvious intersex traits, whilst in others, it is not apparent until they reach puberty. Some may never exhibit variations in their chromosomes.
What’s it like to be Intersex?
The first Intersex Remembrance Day
The first remembrance day seems to have begun on November 8, 2005, as Intersex Solidarity Day, following an invitation issued by Joëlle-Circé Laramée, then Canadian spokeswoman for Organisation Intersex International. The Organisation invited organisations and groups and individuals to show solidarity by marking: the life of Herculine Barbin, or discussing intersex genital mutilation.
A reader confided with us that he’s slept with hundreds of men – and wonders whether if that’s normal or whether he is a sex addict. Experts from 56 Dean Street take the question
Dear 56DS and TGUK
I’m in my mid 20s and I’m a bit of sex lover. I’ve probably been with over 700 guys in the last 2 years, which makes my friends laugh, but I think I’m a bit addicted to it.
Some of the sex has been whilst drunk or on drugs (never needles) and I can’t be certain that it’s always been protected sex.
I am around 80% the top in these shags. So I’ve been told that the likelihood is that I’m fine, but just wondering.
I’ve had a few STDs and had those cleared up but I’m feeling a little bit worried as I always do this time of year with WorldAIDS Day coming up…
I have been to the clinic, but not this year.
Hi there; Thanks for your question.
Being top may be less risky than being the bottom, but there is still a risk, and guys who only top still get HIV. This is because of HIV can also be found in mucosal secretions inside someone’s bum. Using condoms will protect you against HIV and most STIs regardless of how many partners you have. However, it’s possible that condoms break, or you can get STIs including HIV through oral sex, although getting HIV through oral sex is rare.
Some people say that taking drugs including alcohol makes them more relaxed and more likely to take risks. Sometimes when people get caught in the moment they may feel invincible and forget to do the things they normally would to protect their health. It’s really important that you keep control by using condoms and getting yourself checked regularly for sexually transmitted infections. This should be for all STIs not just HIV.
Taking PrEP can help stop new transmission of HIV, particularly useless if the user is having condomless sex. When use as prescribed it can be an effective barrier to the transmission of HIV. However it does not stop other STIs.
It might also be worth considering going onto PrEP. If you’ve not heard about PrEP, essentially it’s a anti-HIV drug, which when taken as prescribed can effectively prevent HIV spreading from partner to partner. PrEP stands for (Pre-Exposure Prophylactic. Campaigners believe PrEP can ultimately end new HIV transmissions. To find out more about it and see if you’re able to access PrEP make an appointment with your location sexual health clinic.
If you do have HIV finding out can save your life (if you have had it for many years) or add years to your life. HIV is now a manageable health condition and life expectancy may be almost the same if diagnosed early and you start treatment at the right time. It’s better to know as you can take control of your own health and protect your partners.
It sounds like you may want to visit our CODE clinic, a walk-in service. The team are super friendly, non-judgemental and there to help you. They can advise you on drug taking, help you to reduce or stop and explain more about risks of STIs. Also, they know a lot about the harder sex scene, if that happens to be your thing.
In terms of the number of partners, it’s really important that you are having a healthy, enjoyable sex life which is not harmful to your mental or physical health.
If you’re worried that you may have sex addiction then help is available. There is an online screening tool at www.sexhelp.com which is free. It will give you a score and explain what that means. There are also lots of resources on the www.sexaddictionhelp.co.uk and www.recoverynation.com websites. We provide support at 56 Dean Street and if you visited the clinic with an appointment with a health advisor we could refer you to this service.
Hope that helps;
Jenna and Jake.
This article was first published in 2012 and now includes extra information about PrEP.
The judge ruled that providing the anti-HIV drugs via the healthcare system was unlawful after siding with Conservative lawyers who challenged the measure on religious grounds.
The legal challenge was mounted in 2020 by eight Texan individuals and two Texan businesses. It was argued that the free PrEP requirement, as well as free coverage requirements for contraceptives and the human papillomavirus (HPV) vaccine, requires business owners to pay for services that “encourage homosexual behavior, prostitution, sexual promiscuity and intravenous drug use” despite their religious beliefs.
Perry N. Halkitis, Dean of the Rutgers School of Public Health, slammed the Texas ruling that the U.S. Affordable Care Act’s requirement that private insurance plans cover HIV pre-exposure prophylaxis (PrEP) at no cost to patients as unconstitutional as “egregious lack of separation between church and state.”
Speaking about the ruling, Dr Halkitis said,
“The use of antivirals in the form of pre-exposure prophylaxis, which has been approved since 2012, has been a game changer in our fight against HIV and AIDS as the application of PrEP allows individuals to have one more tool to prevent them from acquiring HIV. The result has been dramatic decreases in the HIV infection rate in the United States.
By decreasing the incidence of HIV, the number of people who require lifelong treatment also goes down, which puts less of a burden on our society economically and in terms of the health of populations. The ruling by U.S. District Judge Reed O’Connor is extremely shortsighted. It is reminiscent of decisions in the 1990s to prevent the distribution of condoms in schools.
Without covering PrEP, highly at-risk populations — mostly gay and bisexual men and Black women — will continue to become infected with HIV, perpetuating this ongoing epidemic in our society. The decision of the judge is ultimately one that will spread further disease and cause harm to the people of Texas. In the end, this will lead to an increase in the number of infections in people living with HIV in Texas and across the United States, creating a larger number of individuals who require lifelong treatment and creating burdens on their lives and creating burdens on our economy.
This misinformed or misguided decision based solely on the individual’s religious beliefs is another example of the egregious lack of separation between church and state which is undermining the health of all of us.”
So what do we know about the singer Sam Ryder and his love life.
Is Sam Ryder Gay?
Obviously in this day and age, Sam’s sexuality shouldn’t and doesn’t really matter, but sometimes a boy just wants to know if his favourite singer bats for the same team – representation matters you know!
Well, Sam isn’t gay or bi that we know of.
Apparently he’s got a long term girl, called Lois Gaskin-Barber. Interestingly the used to own a juice bar cafe together. From 2017 to 2019, they operated the Lone Wolves Organic juice bar in Coggeshall in Essex. Lois now sells her own jewellery on her Instagram page Lone Wolves Creative.
So how old is Sam Ryder?
The Eurovision star was born on December 15, 1989, so his current age is 33 Years – and in case you were wondering Sam stands 5ft 10inches tall, which is 1.78m.
Is Sam signed to a label?
Yes, thanks to his legion of over 13million fans on TikTok – he caught the attention of mega label Parlophone (the original home to The Beatles) and inked a deal with them in 2021. His debut single, Space Man! reached number two in the UK charts after his performance on Eurovision. He is due to release a full album at the end of 2022, in October, just in time for that all lucrative Christmas market.
His second single, “Somebody”, scheduled for release on 19 August.
My straight work mate keeps coming on to me… We’ve been hanging around lots and lots and he’s actually pretty cool with me being gay and is often flirty. He was one of the first people I came out to at work. We’ve worked together for over 5 years.
At first it was all in good jest and his flirting just made me laugh, but now it’s starting to actually turn me on and is making me question whether he’s gay or bi?
We’ve been spending more and more time together and we’re planning a lads’ weekend away, which we’ve done before – nothing happened, but I’m wondering whether I should make a move – or ask him whether he actually likes me.He has a girlfriend and she’s a good friend too.
I’m worried if I make a come on and goes wrong it’ll ruin our friendship…
This could go hideously wrong. As attractive and hot an idea it is to get with the straight / not so straight boy, you have your friendship and his girlfriend’s heart hovering above the shitter. Enjoy the fact that he is comfortable enough with you, and his own sexuality to be flirty. Making a move or potentially having sex will complicate EVERYTHING, think of the atmosphere at work- you don’t need that- so don’t mess this up, buttercup. If your feelings are starting to go a little deeper than just fantasising, then you’re going have to suss out if you can actually manage a friendship with him without anyone getting hurt. I would suggest you perhaps opt out of this particular weekend away while you figure stuff out.
You have answered your own question over his sexuality. You’ve been away before and nothing happened. It could be that he is just very comfortable with himself to be as comfortable with who you are. These men do exist. By coming onto him you push the boundaries of your friendship to another level. If he isn’t gay or bi then you risk a lot more than losing a friend. Work will be disrupted; your friendship will also be lost with the girlfriend.
Tell him you fancy him. Compliments are easier to wiggle out of than coming on. I was going to say go for the easy option and not go on the lads’ weekend and start pulling yourself away. Be prepared for a possible change in your relationship if you do confess. He may become guarded around you and the flirtations stop but it will put your mind at ease as to where you stand. However if he values you for who you are he will take it as a compliment, flirt more and make your life a comfortable hell of fun.
What makes this even harder though is that he won’t be the only straight man in the world you’ll fall in love with. One day you will cheat on your pretend boyfriend.
I have by a simple few words in life. These have stood me in great stead and I found it useful.
If you don’t ask you don’t get.
Apply this to your ‘could he be bi and coming onto me’.
You also say he has a girlfriend and that they are your friends so if you just assume his sexuality you could lose big time.
By being upfront and honest with him you’ll still keep your friendship in tact.
The advice above has been given by our community of writers who have drawn from experiences in their own lives and is should not be considered as professional advice.
Have you got a dilemma you’d like our writers and experts to answer? We won’t share your details with anyone outside THEGAYUK.
Those burly rugger boys will be back again for another calendar – and we’re so here for that!
According to a tweet from The Naked Rugby Players, photoshoots are being arranged as we speak and they’re teaming up with cancer charity Balls To Cancer once again.
Very excited… we’re getting all our shoots booked in for the 2023 calendar! Who’s ready for more!!!
Very excited… we’re getting all our shoots booked in for the 2023 calendar! Who’s ready for more!!! pic.twitter.com/rR6mDYjRhE
Organisers have remained tight lighted about which teams will be featured, but we’ve been told to expect more from a Scottish Team and more from the reigning champions, the Northampton Outlaws, who have apparently appeared in every calendar since The Naked Rugby Players’ calendar launched back in 2018.
We’re very excited to announce that once again we’re teaming up with @Ballstocancer for the 2023 calendar! This means that we make a donation from each sale to this awesome charity to help continue its mission. Please give them a follow to find out more! pic.twitter.com/urpr7nPBZo
“I felt like, especially last year, my energy was balanced and my masculine and feminine energy so that when I was faced with the choice of walking into a bathroom and it said, women and men, I didn’t feel like there was a bathroom for me because I didn’t feel necessarily like a woman,”
Lovato told host Tamara Dhia. “I didn’t feel like a man. I just felt like a human. And that’s what they/them is about. For me, it’s just about, like, feeling human at your core.”
She went on to say, “But I think what’s important is, like, nobody’s perfect. Everyone messes up pronouns at some point, and especially when people are learning, it’s just all about respect”
With soaring prices people are taking things into their own hands in order to tackle the cost of living crisis.
Campaigners are urging energy customers to stop their direct debits on the 1st October
Price hikes could come from the 1st October 2022
Campaigners say that if one million customers don’t pay there could be a day of reckoning for the energy sector.
The #DontPayUK trend is doing the rounds on social media – but what does it mean and is it legal?
Essentially come the 1st of October the campaign is hoping to get millions of UK energy customers, UK householders and renters to stop paying their energy bills via direct debit. Campaigners are using Twitter, TikTok and Facebook to urge customers to cancel their direct debits with their suppliers.
During the summer months millions of customers have been paying above and beyond their actual usage. Customers who pay by direct debits have had their bills set by the energy firms and are often unable to change the amounts going out each month.
Why has #DontPayUK come about?
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com. Campaigners are urging millions of energy consumers to cancel their direct debits. The campaign has been called #DontPayUK.
The average energy costs for UK customers has soared in the last year, rising by almost £700 to almost £2,000 in April. Energy regulator, OfGem sets a price cap – and the next price cap is set to rise in October and then again in January.
“It’s simple: we are demanding a reduction of energy bills to an affordable level. Our leverage is that we will gather a million people to pledge not to pay if the government goes ahead with another massive hike on October 1st.
“Mass non-payment is not a new idea, it happened in the UK in the late 80s and 90s, when more than 17 million people refused to pay the Poll Tax – helping bring down the government and reversing its harshest measures.
“Even if a fraction of those of us who are paying by direct debit stop our payments, it will be enough to put energy companies in serious trouble, and they know this. We want to bring them to the table and force them to end this crisis.”
“With 1 million people, we can withhold £230 million for 28 days before energy companies can take any action. And then we can withhold another £230 million each month – possibly even more as the weather gets colder through winter and we use more energy. Possibly even more as more people start joining the strike.
“With 1 million people, we could be withholding more than £1.4 billion by the end of winter.
“In 2021, almost 30 energy companies collapsed – by withholding hundreds of millions of pounds we could force a true reckoning within an already unstable, insecure market.”
Can energy firms cut you off?
If you don’t pay your bill after 28 days, energy firms can take further actions against you. However, the campaign has said that if millions sign up to its movement, “they’ll be forced to first contact thousands, tens of thousands or even more customers about the possibility of disconnecting supply – but only after 28 days have passed. Then they’ll have to give a chance to set up a payment plan before, in most cases, applying to a court for a warrant. It’ll cause paralysis and create a months-long backlog.”
The idea here is to basically stop paying your bills through direct debits and not to stop paying your bills completely.
The idilic island nation of Jamaica seems like it might be an awesome place for a restful holiday for LGBT+ people, but the reality is, if you’re gay, your illegal.
Same-sex sexual intercourse could lead to imprisonment, fines, beatings and worse.
The Country’s Tourism Minister called the Country a “melting pot” and that everyone has a place.
It’s hard to fathom that in this day and age that simply being who you are can be illegal in a country, particularly in one that considers itself welcoming to all according to its Minister of Tourism for Jamaica Hon. Edmund Bartlett said recently in an interview with Sky News.
“Jamaica is that melting pot, that has a place for everybody…” that is of course, unless you’re LGBT+.
Yes, the sex you have with someone of the same sex is legally governed by Jamaica and sex between two same-sex couples could land you with imprisonment, torture, vigilante executions, and vigilante beatings.
However it should be noted that Barlette has in the past welcomed LGBT+ travellers saying in an interview with ManAboutWorld, “We say that Jamaica is open to all travelers. We have a diversified offering that the extent to which we go to embrace various passion points is equal. We have no laws which prevent people of any orientation to come in and to enjoy the benefits of the destination. The ethics which guide tourism guide everybody, and so it is within that tourism ethic that we will operate with all the visitors that come to our country.”
According to Wikipedia, the punishment for LGBT+ activity is 10 years of imprisonment with hard labour. It has been noted that vigilante executions, torture, and vigilante beatings have also been tolerated according to the Human Right’s organisation Amnesty International.
Despite the backlash that LGBT+ people can face in Jamaica, there are a couple of pride events held each year. One is called PRIDEJA and the other is Montego Bay Pride.
Attacks on Jamaican LGBT+ People are rife
According to a new podcast series, Ring The Alarm, host Jasmyne Cannick, one of Los Angeles’ most recognisable Black political strategists and journalists looks into a spate of horrific and alarming attacks on LGBT+ people in Jamaica.
Speaking about the podcast, Cannick told The Advocate,
“I have always used my platform to elevate Black stories and issues I felt were being ignored and Ring the Alarm is no different,
“When I was asked to come to Jamaica to speak to the LGBTQ+ community and share their stories, I immediately said yes.
“I said yes because American’s have had so much to say about the plight of queer people in places like Iran and Afghanistan but for decades have ignored the murders of lesbian women, gay men, and trans men and women in Jamaica.
What is pegging, how do you do do and why some straight guys can’t get enough of it!
In a, well quite frankly, candid convo on Reddit, these guys talk about what it’s like to be pegged. For those not in the know, pegging is where a woman dons a dildo and well, pegs the man. The word was popularised by Dan Savage in his Savage Love column.
Anyway, this forum is devoted to how these guys with girlfriends feel about being pegged and their best advice for a newbie, whose girlfriend has plans to peg him – after he promised a weekend of submission.
1) Be careful, dude.
This is probably the one time you don’t want to be hyper-masculine.If you feel pain, then speak-up. Much easier to rain on ya partner’s parade, than deal with an ER doctor wondering how yer arsehole got shredded. Might tickle your asshole for awhile before penetration too. Not the loosest of holes and a large object inserted is going to cause major discomfort. Via
2) She HAS TO go slow.
I hope she goes from fingers to dildos before strap-on dildos. The hips can generate a LOT of power. However, she might get tired very fast depending on her experience & fitness. Also, I strongly suggest you guys use a flexible dildo, not a glass dildo for example. Via
3) You can always say no.
You just chose not to. Just make sure you have the appropriate lubricant and that she takes it easy. There is always potential for damage, so if you feel a sharp pain, that would be a time to say no. Via
4) Lube lube lube lube lube.
It’s going to be easier to take a soft, bendable silicon dildo rather than a harder one that doesn’t bend easily. Also make sure you take deep breaths to relax yourself as the penetration starts, you’ll start to get really tense and potentially get nervous; so do everything to calm yourself down. Via
5) To Late To Apologise?
Tell her you apologise for every bad thing you’ve ever done beforehand. Via
6) Relaxxxxxxx
I’m surprised no one has mentioned this yet, but relax and push OUT! I know it sounds counterintuitive, but especially when she first inserts it, pushing out like you’re on the toilet helps it slide in more easily, potentially saving you some needless pain. And, as someone whose girlfriend pegs him VERY regularly, pushing out makes it feel even better, especially when you’re near orgasm. Via
7) More and more lube
Also, the usual advice: LUBE, LUBE, AND MORE LUBE. And take it slow. Put it in slow. Once it’s in, have her wait for a minute or several for you to get more accustomed to it. Then she can slowly get thrusting. Via
