THEGAYUK

Author: News Desk

  • DILEMMA | I found another guy’s fake tan marks on my side of the bed

    DILEMMA | I found another guy’s fake tan marks on my side of the bed

    Dear Agony Uncle

    Last week I came home from a trip away for business. When I got back to my flat, my partner was out at work so I decided to go to bed for an hour for a nap. However, when I pulled back the sheets, I found an almost perfect outline, in fake tan, of another guy, on my side of the bed.

    I share that bed with my BF. We’ve been in a relationship for five years. I feel so angry because clearly he’s had another guy over whilst I’ve not been there.

    I’ve been suspecting he’s been cheating on me. It feels like he’s been secretive recently and spends a lot of time on his phone and he gets cagey when I ask him about it. Finding the tan print feels like all the proof I need. I’m about ready to pack up my bags.

    James, 32

    Dear James,

    Before you pack up those bags, I’d urge you to have a conversation with your BF. Five years with someone is a lot to throw away over something you don’t have 100 per cent of the facts.

    Facts first, actions later.

    It’s completely understandable why you’ve jumped to the conclusion about the fake tan marks and who they might be from, but there may be a perfectly reasonable explanation. He may have had a friend over for the night, strictly platonic, they may not even be from another man, but a girlfriend of his… So ask your partner about what you’ve found.

    Speak calmly and try not to be too confrontational. See what his response is. You’ll know whether his reply is bullshit or not and if your gut feeling is still telling you to leave, then pack those bags and leave.

    The warning signs

    CREDIT: monkeybusinessimages-bigstock

    Spending lots of time on the phone, being secretive and acting cagey are some of the signs that a guy could be cheating on you, but also not.

    The problem is, these are also some of the signs that a person’s mind is somewhere else, but it might not be another man (or woman). It could be about work, it could be about money, it could be stress, it could be he’s worried about a friend or a family member. You just don’t know until you sit down and speak with him.

    Unfortunately, sometimes our darkest fears of being cheated on turn out to be true but that doesn’t necessarily mean we have to chuck everything away. You can, if you want to, work through your problems. Relationships can be salvaged, you have to be honest with yourself about what you want.

    However, it starts with a conversation.

    Have you got a dilemma you’d like to share? Click here to get help and answers.

  • TODAY IN GAY | Dynasty Star Gordon Thomson comes out

    TODAY IN GAY | Dynasty Star Gordon Thomson comes out

    Best known for his role as Adam Carrington in the camp soap, Dynasty, Gordon Thomas came out as gay in 2017.

    Speaking with the Daily Beast, Thomson spoke openly about his sexuality about while he never “announced” his sexuality – revealing that he assumed people just knew, saying, “I don’t go out of my way because it’s my generation, I think. I’m probably as homophobic as any gay man alive because of my background.”

    He said that his generation’s views of homosexuality helped keep him in the closet, admitting, “When I was growing up it [homosexuality] was a crime, and then classified as a mental illness.

    “It was not until Pierre Trudeau was prime minister of Canada when I was 23, 24 years old, did it cease being a crime, and it was not until I was nearly 30 that it stopped being classified as a mental illness in the US.

    “So you’re dealing with that. And the shame, the breathtaking lack of self-esteem, has only just begun to seep out of my soul,”

  • In the midst of COVID misery, a new LGBT+ bar has opened

    In the midst of COVID misery, a new LGBT+ bar has opened

    Everything is doom and gloom in the hospitality industry as you might expect. With restrictions and ever-changing guidance from the government, the industry has become, for many, almost unsustainable.

    One bar in Cardiff has been forced to close for the duration of the newly introduced 10 PM curfew.

    However, Zodiac Bar London is bucking the trend and has actually flung open its doors, which for some may seem a strange business move what with everything going on in 2020, but it turns it’s been very popular with the local community.

    The bar actually opened its door back in July and has proved a success for LGBT+ folk in the North London area.

    From a one-off to extended days and opening hours.

    Zodiac Bar started off as an LGBT+ night in July at a “Northern Soul” bar on Junction Road, N19, but due to the success it’s actually taken over the venue from Wednesday to Saturday, 5 PM until 2 AM, (now 10 PM due to COVID-19 restrictions).

    According to the venue’s website, the bar was “The brainchild of TransWoman Jade (aka Lady Phoenix) and her partner, they have now introduced theme nights for Bears, The Trans Community (including TS,TV & CD), Lesbians; and also plan to include fetish nights, Drag Acts & Cabarets (when rules allow), LGBTQ talent contests and Bingo/Quiz nights in the near future.”

  • How to use your desktop to chat on Grindr Web

    How to use your desktop to chat on Grindr Web

    Sitting at your desk and want to keep up-to-date with what’s going on with Grindr? Now you can, thanks to Grindr Web.

    Instead of using your phone and zapping up all that valuable battery power, you can log onto Grindr’s chat website using your computer – all you need to do is log on to web.grindr.com/mail.

    To make it look like you’re actually still doing some work, Grindr has come up with an “office view” which makes it look like a work-type chat system – it basically removes all the user profile pictures, so it’s safe for work!

    Pretty handy to keep your boss off your back (unless of course, he happens to be online too!)

    How do you log into Grindr’s Website?

    You’ll need to open the app on your phone and open up Grindr on your desktop computer. On your phone, go to settings (by clicking on your profile and clicking on to the settings options) You’ll see an option saying, “Log in to Grindr web”. 

    You’ll then have to scan the QR code, with your phone, shown on your desktop screen and voila, Grindr will link your phone and your computer. 

    Once linked, you’ll be able to see all your previous messages, respond to them, check profiles and basically use Grindr as you normally would.

    It will require access to your location details in order to use the GPS function. 

    Where is Grindr’s web login site?

    Where is Grindr's web login site?

    To log into Grindr desktop service, just head on over to https://web.grindr.com/mail. There you can start the process of logging into your account.

  • Will Young admits to train wanks

    Will Young admits to train wanks

    One of the UK’s biggest pop stars, Will Young has gone on the record to admit to using nudey mags to “pleasure” himself.

    Writing about his struggle to accept his sexuality, in his new memoir, To Be A Gay Man, the singer admitted that using gay porn magazines was part of the process of coming to terms with being gay. He said that he bought the magazines from newsagents “under a veil of guilt and shame.”

    Will Young was the first winner of Pop Idol back in 2002. The day after he won the competition his sexuality became front-page news and was splashed across all the tabloid press in the UK.

    ALSO READ: Do I wank too much?

    ALSO READ: Why the humble wank could save the NHS millions

    Embed from Getty Images

    “It took me a few weeks to build up my courage, but one day I went in and purchased three of these magazines,” Will describes in the memoir.

    “As I went up to the till, the feeling of dread I had was almost overpowering.”

    “I felt as though something awful was going to happen [like] the shopkeeper would make some comment or judgement, and people in the shop would point and stare at me.”

    In his book he explains that he would take the mags into the train’s toilet and knock one out, before throwing the magazine away, ensuring “that there was no evidence.”

    Routine

    Embed from Getty Images

    This, according to the singer, became a thing.

    He continued, “Slowly, I was finding my own sexuality through these magazines,

    “The interesting thing was that it was done very much in secret and under a veil of guilt and shame, yet it was happening.”

    Will Young’s memoir is out now, order now from Waterstones.

  • New 10 PM closure curfew restrictions force this LGBT+ bar to close

    New 10 PM closure curfew restrictions force this LGBT+ bar to close

    With a “heavy heart” Mary’s in Cardiff have announced that they are unable to keep the doors open after the latest restrictions for hospitality venues were announced earlier this week.

    Many bars and restaurants have reopened in the last month, many spending hundreds if not thousands of pounds becoming compliant to Government guidelines on being “COVID-secure”.

    A 10 PM curfew, along with other restrictions on the number of patrons bars can serve has left many venues struggling to make money.

    In a statement on social media the Cardiff bar, which is a popular venue with drag acts and cabaret performers said that due to the 10 PM closure times announced, that the bar would have to remain closed during the enforced period.

    “Not financially viable”

    They said, “It is with a heavy heart that we have to inform all our customers that due to the 10 pm closure notification that was imposed on us, that Mary’s will be closed during this period of time as it’s not financially viable for us to try and trade, maintain turnover and monitor costs with a 10 pm closure.”

    The bar had reopened once the rest of the hospitality industry was permitted to do so, and the management said that the team had worked hard to make the venue COVID-secure and work within the restrictions, “with panache”.

    They added, “It has been hard to operate Mary’s without the rest of our team, our DJ’s, Entertainment but we have done so and we have conformed fantastically to the new ways of operating

    “I like to think that even without our entertainment we still ensured you all enjoyed your visit to Mary’s”

    Fans are supporting the bar

    Fans of the bar were quick to let bar management that the community was behind the venue and fully supportive.

    One user added, “Sad to hear but once you’re reopened, we will be back. The whole community is behind you!” Another said, “I’m really saddened to read this and hope that you’ll be back soon. So many members of our community are behind you with their full support.”

  • Porn star Beaux Banks has a cheeky way for asking his fans if they’re registered to vote

    With the elections looming in the US, one porn star, Beaux Banks has found the PERTY way to ask his fans whether they’re registered to vote.

    There are so many ways to encourage people to register to vote, and sometimes you just have to use your given talents to persuade people.

    We’ve gotta say that Beaux’s way is very appealing.

    In a cheeky picture, wearing a very sexy pair of Andrew Christian jocks, posted on social media, he wrote, “May I ASSk you a question….Are You Registered To Vote? If not head to vote.gov and get registered today!”

    Now if this perky pic doesn’t get you to register we don’t know what will, well that and obviously exercising your democratic rights.

    https://www.instagram.com/p/CFcxQm4AnUG/

    Fans thanked the star for using his platform to get people to register. One user commented “You are so awesome” while another added, “Well played sir, well played!”.

    Are you persuaded?

    Main picture from Hothouse.com. Get your subscription here (NSFW).

  • Police are looking for these people after “vicious” homophobic attack in North London

    Police are looking for these people after “vicious” homophobic attack in North London

    Detectives investigating an alleged homophobic attack in Stamford Hill, in North London, are releasing images and moving footage of individuals they would like to speak to in connection with their enquiries.

    Police were called at 01:00hrs on Sunday, 26 July following reports of a homophobic assault and robbery near the junction of Seven Sisters Road and Amhurst Park.

    Officers attended the scene and spoke with the victim, a man in his 20s, who had suffered minor injuries and had his headphones stolen.

    The victim was walking across the junction when he was approached by two men who began shouting homophobic abuse before physically assaulting him. 

    The men are both described as white and in their mid-20s. One man is believed to be around 5ft 6ins tall, with a beard and was wearing a green baseball cap at the time.

    The other man is believed to be approximately 6ft 2ins tall with curly blond or ginger hair, and was wearing a leather jacket with a T-shirt underneath. 

    Once the men had left the scene the victim called police.

    The two men then returned and stole the victim’s headphones. They also attempted to steal his phone.

    Detectives are releasing CCTV footage of two men seen running from the scene shortly after the incident, as well as two e-fit images.

    Detective Sergeant James Rush, said: “This was a vicious attack on the victim, all the more appalling because of the homophobic abuse the victim received. I implore any witnesses to this incident to get in touch to tell us what you saw.

    “I would also appeal to the men in the CCTV footage or anyone who knows them to contact us as we believe they could have significant information. The victim has also worked with us to create efit images of the two suspects which we are also releasing in the hope someone may recognise them. 

    “Any information you have no matter how small may be pivotal to our investigation. The Met stands against hate and will make every effort to track the suspects down and hold them responsible.”

    In an earlier appeal, officers were looking to trace two witnesses. One of those individuals – a man in the back of a large black car, passing at the time – has now been spoken to police. But a woman in a white car who asked the victim if he needed help remains outstanding, and officers are still keen to hear from her; as well as any other witnesses.

    Anyone with information about the incident is asked to call police on 101, quoting CAD 580/26Jul. 
    Alternatively, tweet @MetCC or contact Crimestoppers anonymously on 0800 555 111.

  • On Bi Visibility Day 2020: People need to get over these bisexual MYTHS already

    On Bi Visibility Day 2020: People need to get over these bisexual MYTHS already

    You wouldn’t think that in 2019 myths about bisexuality would still exist… but oh boy do they! We asked readers who identify as bisexual what comments gave them complete attacks of the eye roll and oh boy did the myths come rolling in…

    So listen up peeps – take note – these are the myths about bisexuality that we need to destroy in 2020!

    Why do gay men take the attitude that bi is just a transitional sexual status … the whole “bi now; gay later” attitude?

    Patrick

    That I want to have sex with everyone. Yikes, and ick NO. We’re not sexual Velociraptors FFS.

    Maggie

    You can be black and bi, white and bi, Asian and Bi and all that’s in between. Bi isn’t binary.

    Thomas

    That bisexuals only like cis men and women. I’m a bi and trans man, and that tells me is that the speaker doesn’t view me as an actual man, or sees bisexuals as inherently genital focused, or both.

    Cato

    That we get laid than more people.

    Sam

    The idea that we will eventually “pick a side” and become either straight or gay.

    ANON

    That bisexuals are oversexed and can not have a monogamous relationship.

    Dave

    We’re not a god-damned trend. This is our life, respect that.

    Jenny

    You can still be bi- even if you’re in a hetero or gay relationship

    AJ

    We don’t have to 50/50 either way. It’s cool to be 70 % more attracted to the same sex and 30 % the other way… Still bisexual!

    Paul

    You can be trans, non-binary and genderfluid and you can be bi… Your gender expression doesn’t affect or dictate your sexuality

    Pam

  • Do I have to wear a face mask if I go to a sauna or a bathhouse?

    Do I have to wear a face mask if I go to a sauna or a bathhouse?

    The Government have launched a fresh set of rules in order to combat the rise in Coronavirus in the UK including harsh fines for those who don’t comply with the new rulings.

    Rules and regulations are different in Northern Ireland, Scotland and Wales.

    One of these rulings is the mandatory use of masks in enclosed public spaces in England. However, gyms have an exception. Masks do not, currently, have to be worn where their use would be impractical, such as eating or exercising in a gym.

    Not all saunas across the UK have been permitted to open, but for those that have, it might be best to phone or message ahead to see what their rules are.

    As most bathhouses would be classed as a health spa, it would most likely be impractical to wear a face-covering during your visit, however, it’s best to follow the policy of the sauna/spa that you’re visiting.

    Track and trace

    Saunas along with bars and restaurants will be required by law to take your contact details for the government’s track and trace system. A system that allows up to 35 companies, organisations and government departments access to your contact details.

    However, in line with data protection guidelines, your details must be deleted after 21 days.

  • UK gov vows to make changing your gender “kinder” and more straight forward

    UK gov vows to make changing your gender “kinder” and more straight forward

    According to the Government, transgender people in the UK, who want to legally change their legal sex are about to find the process “kinder” and more straight forward. The government says it has changed elements of the GRA (Gender Recognition Act), that trans people themselves had raised as concerns about.

    The consultation was answered by 108,000 people, 7000 of whom identify a transgender. Of those who had completed their transition, around 2 in 5 said that they had a Gender Recognition Certificate, a higher proportion than is often believed. The survey then asked those who had not applied what had prevented them from doing so. They were able to choose as many reasons as they wanted.  

    Thirty-eight per cent of respondents said the process was “too bureaucratic” so the process will now be put online. Thirty-Four percentage that the process was too expensive and to address this the government will decrease the cost of obtaining a certificate from £140 to just what it called a “nominal amount”.

    Three new gender clinics

    The government have also stated that they will open three more gender clinics, a process that will apparently cut the waiting list by around 1600 people.

    “The full benefit of the increases in clinical capacity that we’ve been able to secure will lead to greater patient choice, shorter waiting times, better geographical coverage and easier access.  It will also make it easier to fulfil the medical requirements of obtaining a GRC”.

    According to the Minister for Women and Equalities Liz Truss MP, the UK Government said,

    “Britain leads the world as a country where everybody is able to lead their life freely and treated with respect and that, for many years, transgender people have been widely accepted in British society; able to use facilities of their chosen gender; and able to participate fully in modern life.    

    “At the heart of this is the principle of individual liberty. Our philosophy is that a person’s character, your ideas, and your work ethic trumps the colour of your skin or your biological sex. We firmly believe that neither biology nor gender is destiny

    “The Equality Act 2010 clearly protects transgender people from discrimination. The same act allows service providers to restrict access to single sex spaces on the basis of biological sex if there is a clear justification”.

    “Missed opportunities”

    A spokesperson for Amnesty International said that it was disappointed that the government had not taken the steps to demedicalise the process of changing your legal sex.

    Amnesty International UK, Liberty and Human Rights Watch released a co-statement, saying,

    “It’s hugely disappointing that the Government has missed this vital opportunity to update the process for legal gender recognition so it meets human rights standards.

    “Research has found that medical barriers to gender recognition for trans people are unnecessarily intrusive and can harm their physical and mental health. With medical requirements still in place, trans people will continue to be forced through harmful processes to have their gender legally recognised.  

    “After a three-year wait, we’re presented with a few administrative changes, which, whilst a step in the right direction, only scratch the surface of what we need to ensure all trans and non-binary people can live equally, freely and fully.”