We Are Gay UK

DILEMMA | How do I have sex with a guy for the first time?

A reader asks, having never had sex with a man before, how does he do it?

CREDIT: kirza-bigstock

Dear TGUK,

I’m a 57-year-old guy, how do I have sex with a guy for first time?

(Name withheld)

 

Here’s what we think:

Daniel Browne Warwickshire Pride Founder

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There are many ways of having sex, but it’s not for me to tell you how you should be doing it.

Ultimately it’s your journey. It’s personal and unique to you, so in time you’ll discover what you like and what you don’t. What I will say is that it’s important you feel comfortable and relaxed about what you are doing. It’s common for people to put pressure on themselves when it comes to sex, and that pressure is often heightened when doing something for the first time.

Whether it’s performance anxiety or worrying about getting it right, pressure can mount and that never really helps the situation.

My advice is to do what comes naturally to you and take your time. Be sure about what you are doing, and enjoy it. And remember that there is no right or wrong way to have sex, other than perhaps playing safe.


Jake Hook Editor THEGAYUK.com

It might be worth to make a list of things you actually want to do, what you think you’d be comfortable with and what you’re not comfortable with. There are loads of different types of sex from mutual masturbation to anal sex to fisting.

Making that list will help you set some boundaries. Once you know where those boundaries lie, you can set about finding someone whose ideas on sex fit with yours. It’s relatively easy to find out what potential partners are into, especially on dating apps and hook up sites. The simple question, “what are you into?” will yield loads of info and you can work out whether you’ll be comfortable with that person.

If you’re not very experienced, never underestimate the power of communication. Let your partner know that you’re a newbie, maybe make it a part of the experience – and have a talk about the sex you’re going to have. It could turn out to be quite the turn on.

As always, whatever you end up doing, make sure you’re safe, use condoms and if you’re having anal sex, make sure you use lots of lube.

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