A reader, who is coming to terms with a cheating partner, wonders if he should sleep with his now ex’s brother to get revenge. We asked four of our writers for their thoughts.
I’ve been flirting with my ex’s brother for a few weeks via Grindr after my ex and I broke up about a month ago. I caught him cheating on me with some guys. We were together for 2 years and were about to move in with each other.
I’m heartbroken by it, but also infuriated and feel like he needs to be taught a lesson. I’ve been chatting with his brother who is also gay and he seems to be fairly up for a meet and muck about… He knows that we’ve split.
So I’m wondering if its okay to have a bit of fun?
Simon Hill, Author of Journey to Fatherhood
In a word ‘No’. Not because its the right or wrong thing to do, but because your not thinking about what’s best for yourself. The saying goes ‘all’s fair in love and war’ and sleeping with your brothers ex would be just as fair as everything that has gone before. Actually you don’t want anymore to do with either of them. You need to accept your pain, release it through crying, getting drunk with friends and maybe a one night stand with a stranger – anyone but your ex and his brother – then to rebuild yourself over time.
Andy Elliot Griffith, Columnist
If you want to deal with the consequences of this, then by all means go ahead, but the reasoning behind wanting to do it is at the very least petty, and at the most vindictive. You obviously aren’t interested in your ex’s brother, you just want to use it as revenge and that is not good. Your ex’s brother is also not the best person, for willing to meet up and “muck about” He’s probably being spiteful towards his brother. It’s not worth causing a rift in the family because you were hurt by your ex’s behavior. Avoid like the plague!
Paul Nicholls-Whiteman, Columnist
Am I getting tit for tat here? You’ve split up and now you’re trying to date his brother?
It sucks when a relationship ends and it seems that you were so close to setting up house but better you know now rather than later, so you’ve had a lucky escape. I get that this has really hurt you but there is something called Karma. What goes around comes around and all you need to do for that is let things work themselves out.
Dating his brother isn’t very cool. You would still be close to your ex or is that you want? Would you get back with him? Time to move forwards completely and seek out new men. Give yourself time. Get to know and love you because if you can’t love yourself how in the hell you going to love someone else!
I wish you well.
Dan Browne, Runs LGBT Support Charity In Warwickshire
I’m going to get straight to the point here. It sounds like your intentions for having sex with your ex-partner’s brother are completely inappropriate. Do you want to be that bitter person who takes revenge but probably ends up being more upset afterwards? You also need to consider how it may effect your ex-partner’s relationship with his brother. Your ex may have hurt you, but that doesn’t give you the right to be so destructive in your revenge. My advice to you is to stop chatting to your ex-partner’s brother, take some time out to get over the split, and then get yourself back out there to find someone new who preferably isn’t related to your ex. The alternative is letting bitterness consume you.
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The resident Agony Uncle for THEGAYUK.com with over seven years of counselling experience with the LGBT+ community.