Author: Daniel Browne

10 Forgotten Pop Gems Of The 90s

If I had to pick just one of my passions as the favourite it would have to be music. As much as I love chocolate, men and gin, I absolutely live and breathe for music. I can’t go a day without listening to something and people often ridicule me for my encyclopaedic knowledge of pop from the 80s onwards. I can reel off all sorts of facts and statistics, such as chart positions, year of release, who wrote the song, number of weeks at number one, etc.

The 80s and 90s were the decades of my youth so perhaps it makes sense that they are the eras I love most for music. Recently I was creating a playlist of 90s songs to bop along to and came across some forgotten gems from the decade that gave us Spice Girls, Take That version 1, and the Vengaboys. This made me think about other slices of pop perfection that have been forgotten or left in the 90s and led to the creation of this list; 10 forgotten pop gems of the 90s.

1. Donna Lewis – I Love You Always Forever

This song was absolutely huge when it came out in 1996, but I hadn’t heard it for years until recently. Listening today it still sounds fresh and has stood the test of time, as I believe all pop gems should. This one-hit wonder was one of the best songs of the 90s.

2. Tamsin Archer – Sleeping Satellite

What a song! Another one hit wonder that was released in 1992, Tamsin actually went on to win a Brit Award for Best British Breakthrough in 1993 on the back of that song and a moderately successful album. Although still making music today, Tamsin has not been able to achieve chart success since the early 90s.

3. Bran Van 3000 – Drinking in LA

There is something about this song that really gets to me. It’s one of my favourites of all time and is another example of genuinely great music standing the test of time. Still sounding fresh 15 years later, Bran Van 3000 were sadly another one-hit-wonder. Do you see a pattern developing here? Drinking in LA originally only reached number 36 in the charts but after being featured on an advert it was re-released and got to number 3. Thank goodness for that, otherwise, the masses may never have heard this amazing track.

4. New Radicals – You Get What You Give

This amazing, but short-lived band released “You Get What You Give” in 1999 and it became a massive hit. At the time I remember someone saying to me that in 20 years’ time that song would be classed as a classic. Fast forward to 15 years later and although an often forgotten song I do feel it is a classic and imagine that many people listening to it for the first time in ages would consider it to be one too. I always thought it was a shame the New Radicals broke up after only releasing one song, but lead singer Gregg Alexander has since written for Sophie Ellis-Bextor, Melanie C, Texas, and… umm… Geri Halliwell. When you look at the list of songs Gregg Alexander has written you begin to see that we have much to thank him for as a creator of multiple pop gems.

5. Neneh Cherry – Woman

Everyone remembers Neneh for her “Buffalo Stance” or “Manchild”, but it’s “Woman” that I believe is Neneh at her very best. I find myself getting lost in “Woman” each time I listen to it. It’s an aural treat. While on Neneh Cherry I will also give “7 Seconds” a mention as it’s an incredibly good song. In fact, I’d say that everything Neneh Cherry has done is great.

6. Jennifer Paige – Crush

Back to the one-hit wonders, this song was everywhere in the late 90s. I’ve never met anyone who doesn’t think that song is brilliant. It’s as simple as that really.

7. BBMAk – Back Here

Now I am aware that “Back Here” was a huge hit in the year 2000, but it was actually first released in 1999 so I’ll include it here. I totally had a crush on BBMak back in the day as they were all rather easy on the eye. However, they also had a decent set of songs andI’m not sure if people realise how successful they were in the early 2000s.

8. Hole – Celebrity Skin

Although only charting at number 19 in the UK, this song was actually quite popular in its day. If you forget about Courtney Love’s craziness it’s plain to see what a fantastic lyricist she is. Many of Hole’s songs were feminist commentaries and the band were consistently critically acclaimed. “Celebrity Skin” makes the list of my favourite songs of all time.

9. P.M. Dawn – Set Adrift on Memory Bliss

There is something about this song that makes it still sound fresh over twenty years later. Sampling “True” by Spandau Ballet, P.M. Dawn made it completely their own song and made that groove a classic all over again.

10. Lisa Loeb – Stay

A beautiful song and one that anyone who has wanted a guy to stay can relate too. I always find myself singing this at the top of my voice when I hear it. Simply brilliant.

Listen to the playlist on Spotify

So there you have it; my top 10 forgotten pop gems of the 90s. I could have included many more songs in the list but thought I’d be decisive and stick to ten. I hope you will rediscover these songs after reading the list. They are rather great.

8th September 2020
What you should do when you fall in love with a guy that just isn’t interested

It’s probably more common than we think, but falling in love with someone who doesn’t seem to love you back is painful.

(C) BIGSTOCK

We spoke to counsellor Daniel Browne who told us just because things haven’t progressed in the way that you might have hoped doesn’t mean that he’s not necessarily into you.

He told us, “Being into someone who doesn’t reciprocate those feelings can be crushing. However, because things haven’t gone further with this incredible looking, funny guy it doesn’t mean that he’s not into you. Perhaps he likes to take things at a slower pace and get to know someone before he becomes intimate with them.

“Maybe he’s absolutely into you but is not ready to take the next step yet. Of course, it is possible that he doesn’t have the same feelings for you that you have for him.

Is it possible to be friends rather than lovers?

Browne continues, “If that’s the case, then it sounds like you’ve made a great friend and that’s something to treasure. Give this relationship time and see where it goes. If it doesn’t develop into something more than friendship then as upsetting as that may be, you do have that companionship to enjoy. If it does develop into something more intimate, that’s something you can equally enjoy and it will have been worth the wait”.

30th August 2018
Meet the drag queen who isn’t letting her disability get in the way

If you’ve read my past interviews with Sassi Afrika, you will know that she is indeed as sassy as the name suggests. However, there’s much more to this Queen than meets the eye. Living with a disability, but never letting that hold her back, Sassi Afrika is now on a mission to raise the visibility of people with disabilities at Pride events across the land.

(C) VERINE LINTON

“I am passionate because I have disabilities too. I have cerebral palsy that affects the left side of my body, and I have mild learning disabilities.”

Daniel Browne: Sassi, it’s lovely to talk to you again. Thank you for taking the time out for this interview. How have you been?

Sassi Afrika: Well honey I’ve been busy. You should know that. Everyone else does. I’ve had a great year, darling. My third album, Red Hot, came out at the end of last year. It’s been so well received. Of course, so it should be, but I am grateful for the support my music gets. No Grammys or Brit Awards yet, but I’m working on it. I’ve also been focusing more on the charity work that I do. It’s in my heart. Yes, I do have one.

DB: That all sounds fantastic. Congratulations on the new album. Let’s talk more about your charity work. What have you been doing?

SA: As you know, I support the LGBT+ community completely. Well, I am LGBT+, you know. But I’ve become a trustee with an amazing Pride charity and I take the lead on running the LGBT+ youth group, the parents support group, and the social group for LGBT+ people with learning disabilities. Everyone wants a piece of Sassi, but supporting the community comes before anything else. Someone’s got to serve the tea and cake.

“…people with disabilities should always be included. We should be visible. We are human. We are the same as everyone else. We need a seat at the table, like Solange.”

DB: I keep an eye on what you’re up to on social media and noticed that recently you’ve become more vocal about people with disabilities being visible and included at LGBT+ events. What sparked that?

SA: Darling, people with disabilities should always be included. We should be visible. I’ve been to many Prides and sometimes feel disappointed that LGBT+ people with disabilities are nowhere to be seen. Especially not as part of the line-up. It’s upsetting. But rather than just be upset, I thought I would do something about it. So, I am working for change. I don’t mean working for the bit of loose change in your pocket, but for people with disabilities to be represented at Prides. I set up the group for LGBT+ people with learning disabilities so that we have somewhere to go. So we can meet new people and not be outcasts. We are human. We are the same as everyone else. We need a seat at the table, like Solange.

DB: I hear you, and I feel your passion…

SA: I am passionate because I have disabilities too. I have cerebral palsy that affects the left side of my body, and I have mild learning disabilities. I know what it’s like to be treated differently and not be included. But my disabilities don’t hold me back. I’m here to help others achieve the same thing. We can all be Kings and Queens. Someone told me that the word disability has the word ability in it. So, I focus on my ability and help others with theirs.

“(Prides need to…) organise some chill out zones for people with physical disabilities and learning disabilities. Consider us. Include us.”

DB: What do you think Pride events can do to promote inclusion and visibility of LGBT+ people with disabilities?

SA: I think every Pride can do more. LGBT+ people with disabilities need more than access. We need a platform. We need to shine. I feel that some Prides have lots of non-LGBT+ performers, not enough LGBT+ performers, and none that have a disability. There are many LGBT+ people with disabilities who are talented and can bring that talent to Prides. So, people with disabilities need to be included on stage line-ups. For example, I am hosting the main stage at Warwickshire Pride again this year. There’s a plug. I mean, I’m not saying book me, but please do have LGBT+ people with disabilities represented. Talk to us. Get our views. Let us help you plan your Prides. It would also be nice to see stalls that focus on disabilities. Like having disability charities present. Organise some chill out zones for people with physical disabilities and learning disabilities. Consider us. Include us.

DB: I agree that Prides need to represent LGBT+ people as much as possible, so I wish you well with your mission.

SA: Thank you. I am sassy and all of that, but I am human too. I care. I want to make a difference.

DB: What’s 2018 got in store for Sassi Afrika?

SA: Well I have just told you, darling. Are you tuning in to the same programme? I will be campaigning, but I will also be bringing sass to stages everywhere. I am hoping that more Prides will book me. I have some gigs and hosting jobs coming up. Also, my new single Power Bottom will be out in time for Valentine’s Day. I know how romantic that sounds. I’m just going to be me. That’s 2018 for you.

Sassi Afrika’s latest album Red Hot is available on Spotify and iTunes. You can follow her on Twitter @SassiAfrika.

4th February 2018
10 Things I Learnt at A Steps Concert

On Friday 1st December, a moment that I had been hoping would happen for twenty years finally arrived… I attended a Steps concert.

Back in the day, as a thirteen-year-old gay boy, I was one of their biggest fans. Sadly, I never got to see them live, so when they reformed and announced a tour, I knew I had to get tickets and join them for a party on the dancefloor.

With the sassiest drag queen in the land, Sassi Afrika, in tow, I sashayed into the arena with high expectations. It was worth the twenty-year wait, as they put on a five-star show, but it was also a great learning experience. Here are ten things I learnt by attending a Steps concert.

They know how to make an entrance

The entrance was terrific and set the tone for the rest of the show. Dancers with red cloaks and golden glitter face masks moved around the stage carrying flame torches. Steps then arrived on stage, with their identities hidden by red cloaks and glitter face masks too. Dancers then pulled off the cloaks, the masks came off, and the band burst into singing their comeback single, “Scared of the Dark”.

They know their audience

Looking around at the crowd gathered at the arena confirmed my suspicions that the audience would be mainly made up of gay men and ladies of a certain age. There were probably more gay men at Steps than were at the Kylie Minogue concert I went to a few years ago. The rest of the audience was mostly people in their 30s and 40s who were big Steps fans two decades ago.

Throughout the show, there were nice references to many of their fans being gay. A male dancer accompanied H. When the backing dancers had their own performance segment, there was a male dance couple and a female dance couple. H was jokingly flirting with one of the male dancers, which was quite entertaining. Finally, at one point in the show the words ‘Love Wins’ was displayed on a screen in rainbow coloured letters. They were all nice touches that gave a nod to their gay fans. It seemed genuine too, rather than contrived.

Heterosexual men attend Steps concerts

Who knew? There were heterosexual couples in attendance, and at one point a man got down on one knee and proposed to his girlfriend. Thankfully she said yes. I always thought that concert proposals were a bit cringe and embarrassing, but having seen one with my own eyes, it was actually quite beautiful and added to what was already a great night.

Lee can sing

Again, who knew? I had thought that Lee’s main purpose was to provide some eye candy. While he is very handsome, he can also sing. In the early days of Steps, Lee didn’t really have an opportunity to sing. However, on their new album, he has more singing duties. This enabled him to sing solo parts during the concert, and I was surprised by how good his vocals are. They were on a par with everyone else’s. In fact, everyone’s vocals on the night were outstanding.

They throw everything at their live shows

This concert was visually one of the best I have ever been to. The lighting and fantastic set added so much to a brilliant show. The dance routines were spot on and completely in time. The backing dancers were amazing. The audience interaction and previously mentioned nods to their gay fans were really nice touches. It was clear that this is a group who are at the top of their game and happy to show everyone just how good they are. It was a world-class concert.

Vengaboys are a fantastic support act

When Vengaboys burst on to the stage, I was happy to hop on the Vengabus with them. Their one-hour set was full on and packed with high energy dance routines and impressive live vocals. I’d forgotten how many hits Vengaboys had and it was nice to hear them again. One thing puzzled me though. Vengaboys do not appear to have aged a day in twenty years. I need to know their secret.

Steps fans are the friendliest

I’ve been to a lot of concerts, and there is normally an idiot somewhere nearby. So, it was nice to chat with some lovely people at the Steps concert, share dance routines and have a good laugh with them. Complete strangers were talking to each other, dancing with each other, and have a fantastic time. It was nice to see and experience that.

Glitter is a must

I let the side down by not wearing any glitter, devil horns or flashing hat. Much of the audience was dressed up for the gig, and glitter was popular. If I see Steps again, I’m going head to toe in glitter. As the saying goes, when in doubt, add more glitter.

Sassi Afrika knows every dance Steps routine

Sassi Afrika is a glorious creature and had been teasing the dance routines. However, nothing prepared me for the show that she put on next to me. From beginning to end, Sassi did every single dance routine, and each move was spot on. If Steps ever need a replacement for Claire, they should give Sassi a call.

Time has been kind to Steps songs

We all know that Steps were known for being a bit cheesy in their heyday. However, time has been very kind to their songs. Each song sounded fantastic and somehow better today than when they were released. The material from their new album is very good and very relevant for today’s market. It’s a Steps sound, but with a mature twist. With such an outstanding back catalogue of classic hits, this was always going to be a great show.

Tickets are available for Glasgow Date (7th December), Cardiff (10th December)

6th December 2017
COMMENT | We need to stop saying “I already knew” when someone comes out

We Should Applaud Those Brave Enough to Come Out, Not Tear Them Down…

Seeing the trolls was obviously disappointing,but not surprising.

Discovering that many of the trolls were other gay people was even more disappointing…

With the news that Olympic athlete Colin Jackson has come out as gay, I logged on to Twitter to see what people were saying about it. Although there were some congratulatory tweets and well wishes, the majority of the comments I saw were putting Jackson down and criticising him for only coming out now, having spent years denying his sexuality.

Seeing the trolls was obviously disappointing, but not surprising. Discovering that many of the trolls were other gay people was even more disappointing, but again not surprising at all. That’s because we live in a world where trolls regularly tear people down online. These days I’m more surprised when someone is nice.

It’s not just Colin Jackson who has been in the firing line recently. You only have to look at Aaron Carter’s coming out to see an example of people saying hateful things instead of being more understanding and supportive. The same can be said of Barry Manilow’s coming out earlier this year.

I think the thing that disappoints me most about all the negativity that gay people write about famous people coming out is when they say that they already knew, or it was hardly a secret, or even that they are coming out for publicity. Maybe, just maybe, it’s actually because they now feel comfortable enough to come out. It’s easy to see how difficult it must be for them, given the reactions of other gay people when these famous folks do pluck up the courage to be open about who they are.

Much of the issue that people are taking with Colin Jackson coming out is that he has denied being gay in the past. That may be true, but that shouldn’t detract from the fact that he now feels able to be open about who he is. I’m guilty of denying my own sexuality in the past due to fear of being rejected and attacked for being gay. I have no doubt that countless other people have also hidden or denied their sexuality for the same reasons.

The common theme among the trolls tweeting about Aaron Carter was the opinion that he is probably gay and just saying he is bisexual to soften the blow.

In Aaron Carter’s case, the stigma around being bisexual is huge. The common theme among the trolls tweeting about Aaron Carter was the opinion that he is probably gay and just saying he is bisexual to soften the blow. Others were saying that he is coming out as bisexual to resurrect his career. It’s this kind of biphobia that keeps bisexual people in the closet. That stigma attached to being bisexual is the reason why there is such a lack of bisexual visibility, although the fantastic Bi Pride UK team are about to change that. As the Stonewall saying goes, some people are bisexual… get over it!

What’s clear to me is that because someone is famous, they are somehow fair game when it comes to mocking and judging them when they come out. However, we need to be mindful that those famous people are human too. They are just like the rest of us and go through the same struggles as we do. We all have our own journey and so do they.

What I’d like to do is call for more kindness. I applaud Colin Jackson, Aaron Carter, Barry Manilow and anyone else who feels brave enough to come out and be who they are. I just wish other gay people would be more supportive of that. With LGBT+ people facing so much hatred in many countries around the world, we should all be sticking together. This infighting and putting each other down does a disservice to those who fought and continue to fight, for our rights.

Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.

3rd September 2017
10 things every couple that is getting married needs to do (before the big day)

Mental health campaigner Daniel Browne has compiled a “must do” list for couples who are planning to get married…

Getting married should be the happiest, most wonderful time of your life. Sadly, it’s often the most stressful time of one’s life. It doesn’t need to be that way, though. If you’re due to get married, I’m here to help with my top 10 tips for banishing pre-wedding stress.

Banish tech

If you’ve been busy with planning your wedding, take some time out for yourself and your fiancé. Put your phones out of sight, turn off the television and all other technology distractions. Put on some music, pour yourself a large glass of wine and enjoy some quiet time with your partner. Allowing yourself that time to switch off and relax will bring huge benefits to your life.

And breathe

This isn’t as boring as it may sound. Try this… Sit quietly and take a deep breath in for a count of four. Then exhale for a count of four. Repeat this exercise for two minutes and take notice of how it begins to make you feel. I recommend making breathing exercises a part of your daily routine to keep stress at bay.

Don’t forget sexy time

It’s something enjoyable and the release of endorphins when in the throes of passion will put a huge smile on your face. If you’re not really up for sex, try my first tip and see if that to set the scene for an explosive, stress busting bonk.

Go for a jog

The previous tip may have covered that slightly, but sexercise isn’t the only stress busting activity you can indulge in. Getting regular exercise is key in reducing stress levels. Even just a twenty-minute walk each day can help, but if you’re feeling more energetic, get out there and pound the streets or join a gym class. You could even put on some music and dance like nobody is watching, which is surely one of the most fun things to do. If you’re not up for much exercise, make it a social occasion and exercise while catching up with friends. Which leads me to my next tip…

Go out with friends

When planning a wedding, it can be too easy to fall out of the loop with those closest to you. So set aside some time and make an effort to catch up with family and friends. You could involve them in your wedding planning, but I suggest putting the planning to one side and having a proper catch up with people. It’s sure to be a boost to your mood and a massive stress reducer.

Bubble bath

Sit back and relax. You deserve it. You could even invite your fiancé to join you.

Dear Diary…

It’s a good way of documenting your life and important events, but it can also help you to make sense of your thoughts and feelings. If you can understand your thoughts and the stress you feel, you can begin to work through it and come out the other side.

Sleep

Making sure you get your eight hours of sleep each night will help you to feel energised for your wedding planning. It may be tempted to stay up until the early hours of the morning sorting things for your wedding, but that just results in you feeling awful the next day and not able to function properly. You must take care of yourself.

Make a list

Wedding planning is exactly that; a plan. Be sure to schedule your time wisely in order to make sure you have time for all of the other tips in this guide. Set yourself targets and deadlines, and only spend so many hours each day on the wedding planning. There are only so many hours in a day and you don’t need to spend them all planning your wedding.

Don’t overload

It’s ok to ask for help and to delegate certain tasks to other people. Yes, you’re fabulous and can take on the world if you put your mind to it, but organising a wedding takes a lot of time and effort. You’re not Superman and don’t need masses of stress at what is supposed to be the most amazing time of your life. Don’t be afraid to ask your support network for help.

26th June 2017
COMMENT | Coming Out: I long for the day it is no longer necessary

“I remember telling my friend Maz. Her reaction shocked me at the time. She shrugged her shoulders, said “and…”, and walked off. She didn’t care and was the first person to not make a big thing of it. I was upset at the time and wondered why she didn’t care. How dare she not make a big thing of her fabulous friend being gay”.

Coming out appears to be a constant process. From coming out to friends and family, to coming out to every person who becomes part of my life, it seems never ending.

I recently accepted a teaching job and as the first class approached, I began to feel nervous. Not because it was the first time I would be teaching, but because a key component of the teaching is that I am myself and open about who I am to a certain degree. That’s because the course I am teaching is helping people to train as therapists. As students, it’s important the class are open about who they are and their life experiences. It’s also important that as their tutor, I am also able to draw on my own life experiences and be open about who I am. It helps the learning process.

As I was driving to Birmingham for that first class, I started to think about all of my coming out experiences. It started back in school with wanting to come out, but not feeling able to due to the homophobic bullying I suffered. Although I didn’t come out at school, I was perceived to be gay and therefore hounded every single day for years by bullies. It traumatised me. I felt that if I ever came out, I would be rejected and ridiculed by everyone. So I kept my sexuality a secret.

Eventually, I did come out to some friends who didn’t go to the same school as me. They reacted positively but did make a big thing of it. Suddenly I wasn’t just a friend; I was their gay friend, much like an accessory.

Years later, I plucked up the courage to tell my family and other friends. There was a dramatic reaction from most, and the majority seemed to want to make a big thing of it. Perhaps I wanted them to. I certainly started to look forward to people’s reactions.

Although most people were accepting of my sexuality, there was some who could not accept it. I lost some friends and there were family members who I started to have less to do with as a result. Some of those relationships have never recovered.

At 18 years old and coming out to everyone just for the reaction, I remember telling my friend Maz. Her reaction shocked me at the time. She shrugged her shoulders, said “and…”, and walked off. She didn’t care and was the first person to not make a big thing of it. I was upset at the time and wondered why she didn’t care. How dare she not make a big thing of her fabulous friend being gay.

In hindsight, that was actually the best reaction I received. Maz didn’t care what I was. She cared about who I was as a whole person, and being gay wasn’t a big deal to her. I was still the same Dan that I was before.

It was then that I began to consider my approach to coming out. The way I had been coming out to everyone I spoke to and seeking a strong reaction or some kind of validation from people was making me look like a joke. I didn’t particularly feel any better either. I was still traumatised from my experiences at school.

Since that ridiculous coming out period, I have of course come out to many more people. Whether it’s work colleagues, new friends or women hitting on me in clubs (because I was a hotty in my younger days – a “stud muffin”, as my Dad used to say), coming out really is a constant process. I now don’t make a habit of telling everyone that I am gay, but if it comes up in conversation I casually mention it like it’s a tiny part of who I am. That’s because it is a small part of who I am, albeit an important part.

As the first class got off to a start, my students were taking turns to introduce themselves. They had to say their name, where they are from, a bit about their life, and something interesting about themselves. Each person spoke about their partners and families. Once the students had finished introducing themselves, they looked in my direction as if to tell me it was my turn to talk about who I am. So I said: “I’m Dan, your tutor for this year’s studies. I’m 32 years old, I live with my partner, and he is called…”. I thought that if my students are going to be honest and open about who they are, the least I can do is take the lead on that.

There wasn’t a reaction from the class. It was totally fine, at least publicly, and a non-issue. They’re there to learn, not to make judgements about their gay tutor. Again, it was the most perfect reaction. I’ve learnt over time that no reaction is the best reaction. Because being gay really shouldn’t be an issue. It should be the same as a heterosexual person talking openly about their husband or wife.

I long for the day when coming out is no longer necessary; not that I’m sure it is necessary these days anyway. Straight people don’t come out as such, so why should gay people? Of course, we all know that life isn’t like that and we’ll spend the rest of our lives coming out to people time and time again.

The reactions, or non-reactions, from people, have got better over time. I’m still affected to a degree by the homophobic bullying I was subjected to at school, but it’s not going to impact on me being my true authentic self. I’m Dan, I’m gay, and I don’t care what you think about that.

15th June 2017
Return to the school that nearly killed me

It’s a dull, damp Monday morning and I am walking along a road that leads to the school I went to as a youth. My heart begins to pound and I feel nauseous as I get closer. I know I’m returning to school as an adult, but my past experiences there still haunt me. A moment of doubt passes through my mind as I enter the gate, but it’s too late to turn back. Then I remember I’m there to make a difference, and walk through the door.

The reason I was returning to my school was in response to a request for assistance from them. They wanted to discuss homophobic bullying at the school and asked if I could spend some time supporting a young girl being bullied for being a lesbian. It was a significant life event for me as going back to school marked a huge turnaround. As a student, I had been severely bullied due to my sexuality and it went completely unchallenged for the whole time I was there. All these years later I was going back to ensure that history did not repeat itself.

During my time at school I was called names, hit, kicked, beaten, dragged around the floor by my hair, had drinks poured over me, got mugged of my wallet, and had my bike tyres slashed. The homophobic bullying was a daily occurrence from the age of eleven until I was sixteen. Teachers could see and hear what was happening, but never did anything to challenge it. I was not supported at any point during my time at school.

One day I stuck up for myself and punched a boy who had kicked me and called me a poof. However, I ended up being suspended for it. I tried to explain that I had been kicked and called a poof, but my head of year didn’t want to hear about it. The boy got away with what he did and I was excluded for several days.

Those experiences lived with me for some time and as I walked towards the school twelve years after leaving, realised that they still live with me. The emotional scars have never completely healed.

I recently bumped into an old teacher of mine at an event and had a discussion with her about the experiences I had. I’d met up with the same teacher a couple of years previously and had a similar conversation, but I thought it was important to bring it up again. I needed her to understand what I had been through and what young LGBTQ people are still going through today. My view is that all teachers need to have the facts hammered home if there is to be change.

Alongside my day job, I run the LGBTQ youth support charity Push Projects (and Warwickshire Pride). The reason I founded it is because I don’t want young people to go through the things I did as a kid. That’s my sole motivation. There were times I wanted to kill myself because the bullying was so bad. The school did nothing to support me and I felt completely alone. I felt like the school was killing me. Young people are still feeling the same way as I did all those years ago, and some of them actually go ahead and commit suicide. I felt I needed to do something about that, so I set about providing a support service for LGBTQ youth modelled on what I felt would have benefitted me as a young person.

The outcome of the experience is that I’ll hopefully be working regularly with the school and supporting their LGBTQ students. Although I felt sick as I approached, I left feeling proud that the school I went to was now doing all they can to ensure that LGBTQ students are adequately supported and that the bullies are dealt with through a mix of education and consequences for their actions.

Of course, I feel proud of myself too; not in a self-congratulatory way, but because I’ve managed to turn something so horrific into something that’s incredibly positive. There were times I was almost defeated.

There’s a long way to go before homophobic bullying in schools is wiped out, but progress is being made. The work of organisations such as Stonewall, Push Projects and other LGBT organisations, alongside the wonderful achievements of individuals such as Shaun Dellenty, are ensuring that the next generation of LGBTQ youth don’t have it as bad as us oldies did.

Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.

20th April 2017
COMMENT | Are gay guys the worst fat shamers?

Fat Shaming and Fursecution

CREDIT: ©-livrakv-Depositphotos

If there’s one thing that really gets my knickers in a twist, it’s people not being able to accept each other for who they are.

Gay people still face so much prejudice and discrimination in the world, but there’s an issue that I view as being even more damaging; gays hating on other gays for not fitting an ‘acceptable’ aesthetic.

Over the years I have noticed a lot of fat shaming and fursecution within the gay community, as I’m sure many of you have. I have even been a victim of it on more than one occasion. Whether you’re online and see profiles stating that potential guys must be slim and hairless or seeing fat shaming on the scene, I believe it to be an endemic problem.

Personally, I’m a relatively big guy and particularly hirsute. There was a time I hated the way I looked and wished I could be slim and smooth. Then I came to realise that I wanted to be like that to please others rather than to please myself. When it comes down to it, if I really hated the way I look I’d do something about it. I like my covering of fur and having a bit of meat on my bones. My partner likes it too, so that’s all that matters.

In the past, I have come up against abuse and discrimination from other gay men, mainly on the scene and on apps such as Grindr. One guy told me that I looked disgusting and that the only way I was going to lose weight was if I became bulimic. Another guy on Grindr told me I was a “fat f**king twat” who had no chance. It bothered me at first, but actually, it says more about them than it does about me.

In magazines, we are fed images of so-called hot guys and they are nearly always slim, smooth men, with toned bodies. Although I sometimes like seeing those images, I believe that the constant feed of these nearly naked men is damaging to people’s self-esteem and potentially feeds the fat shamers and fursecutors.

It’s not just in the gay world that this problem exists. If I venture into my local town on a Saturday night there will be lots of people mocking others for being overweight or wearing an outfit that’s perhaps a bit tight and unflattering. It’s the same in the summertime when someone chubby takes their top off or wears skimpy clothing. Personally, I think it’s great if people feel confident enough to remove their top or wear an outfit they like, regardless of how it fits. If the way someone looks offends you, look the other way. Or perhaps address the reason why you are offended.

Scrolling through my Facebook news feed also shows up incidences of fat shaming and fursecution. Whether it’s a larger lady with little clothing on or a man covered in body hair, it is further perpetuating the thought that being overweight or hairy is unsexy and acceptable to be the subject of ridicule.

I don’t believe that bullying or the shaming of anyone is ever ok, and it concerns me that so many people focus on what others look like instead of concentrating on the bigger issues there are facing us as a community.

As for what the solution for eradicating this form of bullying is, I don’t have the answer. Perhaps there needs to be body image classes at school or maybe people just need to take a long, hard look at themselves to realise that fat shaming and fursecution need to stop. Either way, we should be supporting and celebrating each other, not continuing with this internal prejudice and discrimination.

Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.

18th April 2017
COMMENT | Are you out in the workplace?

Deciding whether to be out in the workplace can be a difficult choice to make. There are pros and cons, as there are with everything in life, but the following question must be asked: Is there a need to come out in the workplace?

CREDIT: ©-monkeybusiness-Depositphotos

During my 30 years of life so far I have had many jobs; from working in hairdressers to mental health care, via retail and DJing. In some of those jobs I have been out as a gay man, but in other roles, I took the decision to not disclose my sexuality. In one job I was asked by my manager to keep my sexuality a secret.

Working in a hairdresser’s you’d think that I would feel able to come out as gay. However, I didn’t. I was fifteen years old at the time and my manager was a very camp gay man. I felt intimidated by his overt sexuality and I didn’t identify with the campness that went hand in hand with his sexuality. So I felt unable to come out.

My next job was in retail and my manager was a Drag Queen. At sixteen years old I was still learning about myself and what it is to be gay. Again I didn’t identify with my manager as he was incredibly camp and I was not. I began thinking that all gay men must be like that and considered changing my behaviour to match. I couldn’t bring myself to be like that, so carried on as I was.

The Drag Queen manager eventually moved on and as other managers came through the door my confidence was building. At eighteen I met my first long term boyfriend and it was at that point I felt able to be out in the workplace for the first time, despite it having no relevance to my job. I just wanted to feel able to be open about who I was, in the same way, that my heterosexual colleagues were when talking about their partners and lives. I didn’t make a big thing of coming out; one day I just casually mentioned that I had a boyfriend. It was accepted by everyone and I had no problems in my time working there.

My next job was in mental health care. One day my colleagues were talking about their partners. They were all heterosexual. I decided to join in the discussion and talk about my partner. I figured they would all be ok with it and felt comfortable discussing that aspect of my life. Again it wasn’t a coming out as such; it was casually dropped into conversation. Everyone was fine with it, but one day I was called into my manager’s office to discuss something.

My manager spoke to me about my sexuality and asked that I keep it a secret. The reason given was, that the people being supported may have heard what I was saying and that it was not acceptable for them to hear that a member of staff was gay.

I asked my manager if she was uncomfortable with my sexuality and also questioned why it’s ok for staff to talk about their heterosexual partners but not alright for a homosexual person to talk about their partner.

My manager spoke to me about my sexuality and asked that I keep it a secret. The reason given was, that the people being supported may have heard what I was saying and that it was not acceptable for them to hear that a member of staff was gay… Not long after that, I was made redundant.

My manager didn’t have an answer and stated that she had made her decision; that I was not to reveal my sexuality to anyone at any point. Not long after that, I was made redundant.

Since then I have been out in all my places of work. Today I am self-employed so there isn’t anyone to be out too. What I have learnt over the years is that it’s not necessary to be out as gay in the workplace, but it’s great if you’re able to. Not everyone will like it, but that’s life; there will always be someone who is not happy with something. We now have laws that protect us, so it should be ok (legally speaking) to come out in the workplace. However, if I was to offer any advice it would be to do it on your own terms. If you feel able to come out in the workplace and you want to, that’s ok. But it’s also ok if you don’t want to be out in the workplace.

There is no right or wrong answer to the question ‘is there a need to come out in the workplace?’

First published in Nov, 2014

Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.

18th April 2017
DILEMMA | My co-workers aren’t respecting my identity, they keep misgendering me

A reader is finding that their co-workers are misgendering them. The only problem is the reader hasn’t yet spoken up about it yet.

(C) RAWPIXEL.COM / BIGSTOCK

I’m really upset. I’m finding it difficult to face work at the moment. My co-workers keep misgendering me and it’s really upping my anxiety. I would prefer people to refer to me as they, them or their. The only problem is I haven’t found the courage to tell them that’s what I want. I don’t think they’d understand if I tried to explain it. I really can’t face going to work anymore because of it.

Jay, Coventry

Dear Jay,

It’s understandable that you’re upset about your co-workers misgendering you, and of course, that is bound to cause anxiety levels to rise. On the other hand, unless your co-workers are told that you wish to be referred to as they, them or their, they’re not going to know that they are misgendering or upsetting you. Have you spoken to your manager at work?

If your manager is aware of the situation and how you are feeling, they may be able to explain to your colleagues on your behalf that you wish to be referred to as they, them or their. Your manager may also be able to assist you with explaining it to your colleagues yourself if you felt strong enough to do that with support. Either way, try speaking to your manager, or even a trusted colleague, to see what help is available.

A good manager will support you. If you feel unable to speak to anyone at your work, I’d advise contacting your local LGBT+ organisation, if there is one in your area, and finding out what support they’re able to offer. It’s important that you do not continue to suffer in silence if it’s having such a detrimental impact on you.

Have you got a question for our experts? Use the form below to get in touch.

Loading…

28th February 2017