★★★★☆ | Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom
JURASSIC WORLD: FALLEN KINGDOM – The fifth entry in the dinosaur theme park saga and the second since its hugely successful reboot where it became the 4th biggest earner in world cinema history so big claw prints to follow indeed. This time we get a movie in two distinct halves and endless breathless action throughout – We like very much. This movie certainly has a bite that Michael Crichton would be proud.
Nutshell – When the volcano on Isla Nublar looks set to erupt and terminate all the dino’s forever a rescue mission is organised by our two former heroes but skulduggery is afoot and the big lizards have their own ideas too and when some get back to our world in the UK the prehistoric shit really hits the fan.
Running Time – 128inutes – Cert 12A.
Tagline – ‘The Park Is Gone’ & ‘Life Finds A Way’
The Gay UK Factor – Two hours of Chris Pratt looking dirty, dishevelled and sweaty as hell like your fantasy local builder, scaffolder or gardener wank fodder this is very easy on your eye as the man just wreaks of masculinity with an incredible sense of humour. Pure husband material but he does not write back! Unlike most of his other films, there are no shirtless or naked ass shots (Passengers we are talking about you). There are a bevvy of musclebound thugs throughout which will help your Summer sap to rise – these villains seem to have a recruitment policy as if you are as fuckable as hell you can become my henchman, go figure.
Cast – Chris (Future Husband) Pratt, Bryce Dallas Howerd, Jeff Goldblum, Toby Jones, Rafe Spall & James Cromwell but the stars are the dinosaurs as always.
Key Player – J A Bayona is Spain’s top director and he hails from the horror world with the likes of films such as The Orphanage. He brings this experience heavily into this movie wherein the first half he gives us the standard huge non stop action big set-piece sequences this franchise demands including that volcano eruption but in the second half we get very fresh one location horror almost gothic type tight set of sequences based on the infamous claustrophobic ‘kitchen sequence’ from the original movie over two decades ago.
Budget – $170 Million much cheaper than the previous one but it is a better film for that. Currently, it has hauled 7 times its budget so a great investment all round and it’s on to Jurassic Park/World 6 the climax of this trilogy.
Best Bit – 0.36 mins; When the volcano erupts all hell breaks out in a wonderful elongated action sequence which starts suddenly underground and ends claustrophobically underwater probably the best since Spielberg was in charge.
Worst Bit – 0.05 mins; The opening action sequence is fine but it has absolutely nothing to do with the plot. It seems added purely so as we have an action beat before we get 15 minutes of set-up. In the eighties, all action films like say, Lethal Weapon, had to have an action beat every 8 minutes regardless of plot we have a throwback here.
Little Secret – This film has the most dinosaurs of the franchise and of any film in history so your little nephews and nieces will be happy. Of course, dinosaurs developed from birds so many here should have feathers and be much brighter and varied colours but we seem to find brown, grey and green lizards scarier so that’s what we get on the screen. Raptors should have wings but directors think that claws are scarier so again that’s what we get and dinosaurs cannot roar as they have birds voice boxes but we want our T Rex’s to sound like monsters so that what Hollywood gives us. Part 3 of this new trilogy is rumoured to be called Jurassic War with weaponized dinosaurs – surely not! We will find out in 2021. The post credit scene here was actually filmed in London Zoo so don’t rush off to the exit to soon.
Further Viewing – JP 1-3 and JW from 3 years ago, Godzilla (any of them), King Kong 1,3 or 4 (never ever consider 2), BBC’s amazing Walking With Dinosaurs, Nightmare At The Museum, The Land That Time Forgot and any of the millions of Dino movies but stop short of Barney, The Land Before Time or One Of Our Dinosaurs Is Missing.
Any Good – Pure Summer multiplex entertainment at its best. More ideas than the last one that seems to be going somewhere and a clever structure. There are a couple of massive hints as to huge new directions later on in this film which should if handled correctly take this series off in fascinating new action-packed directions. Regardless this is not to be missed if you like straightforward Saturday night popcorn entertainment and there is nothing wrong with that as we don’t need Ken Loach, Kurosawa, Scorcese or Subtitled Slovakian war refugee movies all the time.
Rating – 74/100
Estbablished gay writer for a well known monthly magazine Dirty Boyz part of Boyz magazine with about 30 pages published each time. Mainly adult entertainment, fetish, travel, events, film reviews. Also pop culture from movies/TV and music.