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Talking during sex doesn’t often happen – but there are definitely some stay-clear subjects during the making of whoopee.

Here are our Top 10 things not to say during sex.

1) Are you done yet?

It’s not a race – and there isn’t a prize for being first! Take your time and if you finish before your partner, don’t get all huffy. Nothing is more of a turn off that a huffy bed partner.

2) I’m gonna fart…

We know it’s just a natural part of life, trumps are not a good idea mid session. So if you know you’re getting lucky this evening stay clear from foods that’ll make you windy.


3) My ex used to do this…

We don’t care if your ex had a 9 incher that, stayed solid for hours on end and came on command. We are different and special in our own way. Love the way I make love or move on.


4) Do you mind if my ____________ watches

Cat, brother, neighbour, person on the other end of Face Time. It’s just weird and odd.

5) I’m just going to tweet this

CREDIT: monkeybusinessimages-bigstock
CREDIT: monkeybusinessimages-bigstock

Something’s should not be social network gossip. Unless of course you’re a Kardashian, in which case let the world know your business – even if they don’t care.

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6) What’s your name again?

Try to keep up-to-date with the name of your current shag. If in doubt don’t check his underwear – his name is unlikely to be Calvin Klein.

7) Start crying for no reason.

This is self-explanatory and may look a little unhinged if you start crying mid hump.

8) Wow that tastes terrible

If you’re swallowing and his man mayo tastes fowl take a large slip of water and smile sweetly. If you’re going to see him again suggest a fruit filled diet to help make him taste sweet and good. Check out our tips on how to taste better.

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9) Ask if you look fat

A total turn off and likely not to get a good reaction, often because there’s no right answer for the person who’s just asked the F-bomb. If you’re feeling self-conscience then turn the light down low.

10) Take a phone call

Now is not the time to answer that phone call, your stocks and shares will be there once you’re done!

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