Is it unusual for gay and bi guys who are in relationships to open it up?

Is it unusual for gay and bi guys who are in relationships to open it up?


Sometimes what we do in our own community might seem strange to those outside it, like this straight-identified man who took to Reddit to ask whether it was normal for gay guys to have open relationships after his gay friend confided in him that he was getting bored of married life after just one year and decided to have a threesome.

Reddit gays were on hand to let him know that it’s not that uncommon that gay couples, but not always, to open up their relationships – to differing degrees.

So what are those degrees of an open relationship?

The door has a keyhole

Where a couple might talk or fantasise about having a threesome or a four-way with another couple. It’s on the table, the discussion is happening, maybe they even watch threesome porn together, but they’re not physically committed yet.

The door is open a crack

There’s the casual threeway, where you both agree on the same person, set up a date and go for it.

The screen door

This is where a couple regularly has three ways, four ways or even attend orgies. They are okay with their partner having sex with other people and don’t necessarily have to be involved, as long as they are in the same room or building or event.

The stable door

Both parties of a relationship are “allowed” to go play with other people, but it’s strictly “don’t ask don’t tell” and “not in our bed”.

The door is wide open

This is where the couple is open and honest about having sex with other people. There still may be rules attached to the sex, like condoms only,  but generally, both parties in the relationship are happy about their partner having sex with someone else. The line would be drawn at creating an emotional attachment to someone outside the relationship.

The Truple (the swing door??)

I can’t take the door analogy any further but the truple is where a couple decides to open their relationship in all senses, sexually and emotionally and allow a third to become part of the family.


So, is it common?

So going back to the Reddit guy – what was he asking? Well, he asked the AskGayMen community whether it was more common for amongst gay, married men to have threesomes, get bored of their relationships or play away dates with other guys.

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Here’s what Reddit had to say on the matter of open relationships amongst gay men.

Really quite common

It’s actually way more common for gay men to have open relationships than it is for straight couples. [VIA]

Gay people are just, in general, more open about it with each other, whereas straight people often just cheat on each other.

I think the gay way of doing things is a lot better. Pure sexual monogamy clearly doesn’t work for many people, and it’s nice to be able to be honest about it with my partner instead of lying to each other and destroying each others’ trust. [VIA]

Maybe not about being bored

I can’t speak for every gay man but for me I know I would love a threesome or even more. I think more context is needed around the “bored” part. Is he bored in general or just bored in the bedroom? [VIA]

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Open doors

Most of the gay couples I know have open / semi-open relationships. My husband and I have been together for 14 years and are mostly monogamous but allow each other to have rare, limited things on the side. [VIA]

Not a red flag

The threeway isn’t a red flag. Pretty common. The “bored” comment is a red flag. After more than ten years, I’m still more entertained by six hours of silence in a car next to my spouse than I am by five minutes alone. [VIA]

Our own rules

Don’t worry about it – gays have their own rules. [VIA]

So what do you think? Are you open to an open relationship?

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