October 1st Marsha P Johnson
Our first featured black LGBT+ icon could only be this person. It’s Marsha P Johnson. Marsha was one of the prominent figures in the Stonewall Uprising in 1969. We have much to thank her for
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In 2012, men who had been convicted of having sexual relations with another man or men could apply to have that charge or conviction removed from their criminal records.
In October 2012, under a David Cameron led Conservative/Liberal Democrat-run government, men with historic convictions for consensual gay sex could apply to have them disregarded, as the Protection of Freedoms Act 2012 came into force.
Under the Act men who were convicted of “gross indecency” or consensual buggery, that is no longer illegal, can apply to have their convictions disregarded.
Homosexuality or sex between men was illegal in the UK for most of the 20th century. England and Wales became the first nations with in the UK to decriminalize it in 1967. Scotland followed over a decade later to decriminalise in 1981 with Northern Ireland finally changing the law to allow men to have sex with men in 1982.
The 2012 Act also includes amendments which enable gay and bisexual men maliciously convicted of ‘loitering with intent’ under Section 4 of the Vagrancy Act 1824 to have those convictions removed from their criminal record too.
Falling in love can be magical. Falling out of love can suck.
Here are 10 telltale signs to look out for:
All those sweet enamoured things they used to do, like holding open doors for you or putting their arm around your waist when you walk, slowly but surely become mind-numbingly infuriating. The little things that used to make you swoon now make you groan. More so, you find yourself actually looking out for these little ticks that fuel your anger and frustration rather than turning a blind eye.
Picking fights used to be this grand, scary event that you’d mentally prep yourself up for beforehand. Now? Not so much. Bickering and arguing are practically the bread and butter of your relationship. The slightest of inconvenient occurrences can feel like the heaviest of set-backs. Did he forget to tell you he was seeing his friend tonight? Of course, he did, he’s so inconsiderate. Sound familiar?
Double dates or group hangs just remind you of what’s missing in your relationship. You can feel the palpable envy in the air when a couple who can’t keep their hands off each other begin sucking face in front of you. It’s a gut-wrenching feeling to realise the infamous spark is gone and it feels better to stick your head in the sand than have your nose rubbed in it. Chances are if you’re jealous of another couple, it’s because they have something you don’t.
Planning stuff together a week in advance makes you iffy. Thinking about a long-term future plan with a picket fence and kids makes you nauseous. It’s just not realistic to daydream about backpacking together or lounging on a matching set of towels together and still have it be fun. Or even tolerable. If that much time away, with only the two of you, makes you shiver then what’s the point in being with someone?
Once more, with feeling. Three words that tingled your spine the first time you dared to whisper them into his ear. Your friends made such a big deal out of it. Truthfully, when you mumble them into the phone now it’s more out of habit or courtesy than love. They ring hollow, devoid of the fiery passion they once held. If they say it back in the same monotonous tone, odds are they’ve probably fallen out of love too.
Perhaps other priorities have risen, be it a new career opportunity or needing to take care of a sick relative, and the sad yet honest answer is simply what’s written on the tin. A relationship isn’t your priority or necessarily even what you need. We all know how we love to think we know what’s best for ourselves. But it can be a bitter pill to swallow and admit. Maybe you rushed into things. Maybe you didn’t consider what you wanted out of the relationship. Maybe you don’t need to be in a relationship right now and that’s okay if you communicate it to your partner and not let it fester up and snowball.
Attraction is important in a relationship. It’s not everything but it does play a pivotal role. If that attraction were to burn out, what’s supposed to be left is mutual respect and trust… right? So where do the distinct lines of friendship and relationship end? Attraction is a pretty good indicator. If you’re lucky enough to have a partner that ends up feeling like both a friend and a lover, congrats, but if it leans towards platonic (and let’s be honest, you know when it does) rather than romantic then that’s pretty self-explanatory.
A long time ago, losing your significant other would absolutely crush you. Three to four months of mourning, minimum. Ice cream and tears galore. What springs to mind when you think about it nowadays is… meh. Not only do you find yourself caring less and less if you’re with them or not, seeing them doesn’t make your heart pitter-patter anymore. It wouldn’t shatter if he left for good, either, and if that’s the gospel truth well then that’s a pretty darn good sign.
There are plenty of things to do to spice up your sex life. Whole books are written on the topic. But if your relationship is suffering its very own mid-life crisis, it’s very likely that what used to be there isn’t anymore. Perhaps that’s where the jealousy of other couple stems from; sex is no longer pleasurable or as exciting or fun as it used to be. Tearing each other’s clothes off used to be common practice. If you’ve scheduled out a mandatory coitus sesh every Sunday night, and the thought of snacking afterwards is the only driving force to your climax, then it’s a pretty clear indication that the love part of your love-making is existentially dead.
The ultimate sign that you’ve fallen out of love: being in love with someone else. Of course, this last sign only applies to monogamous couples. To have someone’s undivided devotion is wondrous. What can end up stinging the most, however, is finding out the hard way that’s not the case. People don’t like hearing it but there’s no easy way around telling someone you’re in love with someone else. Coming to terms with it yourself is a good starting point.
If any of these ten signs ring true, maybe you have a few things to consider. If not, cherish your love (or your singlehood!) and let’s all agree that love is simultaneously the biggest mystery and wonder of the world.
This article was first published in Sept 2017
Porn star Drew Dixon has admitted that he got his rather distinctive bird tattoo design off someone’s Pinterest page. In a candid social media post, the star told fans that people, who asked about the ink, often mistook the bird for an “evil pigeon” before admitting he had no idea what kind of bird it was, saying that the design was actually “from Pinterest”.
The tattoo was a birthday present from Drew to Drew and according to the performer, “marked a change” in his life, adding, “It symbolises my freedom, to be able to spread my wings and take flight, go where the wind takes me, see the world in its glory, looking at the bigger picture, taking everything in before making decisions”.
The star who has recently been working with Lucas Entertainment was recently spotted in Nottingham, UK, for a mass orgy-scene organised by the studio.
National Coming Out Day is an important part of the LGBT+ calendar and it takes place in the middle of October.
National Coming Out Day was first celebrated in 1988 and aims to bring awareness the how LGBT+ people often have to navigate the tricky process of coming out to the people around them. Of course, many LGBT+ people face multiple coming outs over their lifetimes. Coming out is a process by which an LGBT+ people tells co-workers, schoolmates, family or friends that they are non-heterosexual.
It was first celebrated or marked in the USA 1988 by Robert Eichberg and Jean O’Leary and the official logo was created by artist, Keith Haring. Since its inauguration the day has become widely celebrated outside of the US.
October 11 was chosen because it is the anniversary of the 1987 National March on Washington for Lesbian and Gay Rights.
In 2020 National Coming Out Day takes place on the 11th October 2020.
The rainbow flag was first designed and unveiled in 1978 by San Francisco artist, Gilbert Baker, who sadly passed away in 2017.
Speaking about the rainbow as a symbol for LGBT+ folx Gilbert Baker said,
“There was no other international symbol for [the LGBT+ community] than the pink triangle which the Nazis used to identify homosexuals in concentration camps,
“Even though the pink triangle was and still is a very powerful symbol, it was very much forced upon us”.
Yes, there are many stores which have gifts which have the rainbow colours assigned to them. Check out the amazing asexual gift and jewellery range from our partner site, The Pride Shop.
To find out other days in the LGBT+ calendar click here.
A man has been “hacked to death”, apparently by his Grindr hook up, in the Bronx, New York.
An unnamed and unidentified male in New York has been killed in an apparent machete attack after his hookup date “violently cut him into pieces”, over what is thought to be a disagreement over sexual activities. It is believed the two met over the gay dating/ hook up, Grindr.
The alleged killer, Juan Alonso, was found, according to the New York Post to be wearing women’s underwear, bra and dress.
The victim, who has not be named, was found by Alonso’s roommate, who came home to find a bloodbath, with Alonso purportedly standing over his victim, holding the machete.
The building’s supervisor, John Gonzalez, told the New York Daily News that the victim had been “cut up and left “on the floor in pieces”.
Alonso was taken into custody where he was psychologically evaluated, and charged with murder, manslaughter and criminal possession of a weapon according to the police.
Officials are investigating whether there was a “dispute over not liking certain sex activities and it escalated,
“The perp is not in his right mind,” a police source said. “He might have taken drugs,” a spokesperson for the police said.
Please check out our hook up and dating tips for safely hook up when using a dating app.
Councils around England will now be able to offer uncapped access to PrEP, the revolutionary HIV prevention medication for those who need it.
It was announced earlier this year that the DHSC had set aside a budget for local authorities in England to deliver PrEP to those “who need it most”.
The initial budget was set at £16 million but was slashed to £11.2 million, which a spokesperson for the Department of Health and Social Care (DHSC) said, that the cut accounted “for the fact that the rollout of the routine commissioning of PrEP was paused during the pandemic.”
The rollout was delayed due to the Coronavirus pandemic, but roll out of pre-exposure prophylaxis is now expected to begin from 1 October, meaning that gay, bi, and men who have sex with men, will be able to access PrEP via their local sexual health services for free.
PrEP advocate and campaigner Greg Owen took to social media to explain the news.
Speaking about the rollout, Richard Angell, Head of Policy and Public Affairs at Terrence Higgins Trust, said, “With three working days before the start of October – the delayed but finally promised launch of uncapped PrEP access in England – the Health Department has finally allocated funds to local government to start the rollout. There should now be nothing standing in the way of this important HIV transmission prevention drug finally becoming a reality in England. This follows years of painstaking battling and further delays due to Covid-19.
“We now need to see PrEP made rapidly available right across the country – the wait has been too long. We know hard working local officials and many clinics put the wheels in motion for a start of October launch to make the most of this game-changer for HIV prevention – this allocation of funds should mean people are ready to go.
“More work is needed to ensure all groups affected by HIV know about PrEP and how to access it, but this is undoubtedly an important step forward as we work towards ending HIV transmissions in England by 2030.”
Pre-exposure prophylaxis, or PrEP, it is a drug treatment protocol using a prescription medicine called Truvada and has been shown in trials to be highly effective in preventing HIV in gay and bisexual men, when taken daily and used in combination with other infection prevention measures.
Truvada contains two medicines (tenofovir and emtricitabine) and is already routinely used in combination with other medicines to treat existing HIV infection.
From the man who brought us the brilliant ‘Lilting’ in 2014 returns with his new offering Monsoon.
Lilting, directed by Hong Khaou, told the story about the death of a young gay man leaving his lover to deal with a grieving Chinese Cambodian mother. It was quiet and meditative as is Khaou’s new film Monsoon.
In Monsoon a young man of Vietnamese descent, who now lives in Britain, returns to Saigon to return his mother (her ashes) to her home country, a country her and her husband fled during the Vietnamese war. But Vietnam is also a country that Kit (Henry Golding) also knows very little about – he was 5 when they left. So his return to the home country is a poignant one, his father has also died and Kit’s brother is bringing their father’s ashes so him and Kit can bury them together. While Kit returns and visits old friends of his and his mothers, he falls for American Lewis (Parker Sawyers) and establishes a semi-relationship with him. While the gay storyline is a bit irrelevant to the focus and mission of the plot, it’s played out against the backdrop of a city full of traffic, noise, people, motorcycles, and beautiful sunsets that linger in the horizon.
Monsoon also brings us lulled moments – quiet and contemplative – in a film that’s oh so short at 85 minutes.
Henry Golding (Crazy Rich Asians) is good in the role – but the film itself could’ve explored more of his background and his relationship with his family (perhaps flashbacks) to give more of a background into his homosexuality. In all, if you’re looking for a meditative and quiet film, this film is for you.
‘Monsoon’ is now out in UK Cinemas.
Prostate cancer is the #1 invasive cancer for men and the most common cancer in the gay male community. One in seven gay men will be diagnosed in their lifetimes. Since gay male couples have two prostates, they have twice the risk than heterosexual couples or a one-in-three chance.
Prostate cancer typically develops without symptoms which is why it needs to be detected through a blood test (the Prostate Specific Antigen or PSA test) and by a doctor feeling for any abnormalities during a digital rectal (or finger up the butt) exam.
Two common prostate problems should not be confused with prostate cancer. As we age, our prostates typically get larger which can lead to problems urinating. This is called benign prostatic hyperplasia or BPH. Prostatitis refers to when the prostate gets infected or inflamed.
Older men, men with a family history of prostate cancer, and black men are at greater risk of diagnosis and/or worse outcomes. Our research indicates that HIV positive men and bisexual-identified men have worse outcomes than HIV negative men and gay-identified men, respectively. Gay “lifestyle” factors – such as being gay versus straight, lots of sex or no sex, amount and rigour of receptive anal sex, smoking, drug and alcohol use, a history of sexually transmitted diseases and long-distance cycling – have not been associated with greater risk or worse outcomes.
Different prostate cancer treatments have different effects on our sexual functioning. About 20 per cent of patients treated with radiation experience radiated bowel, which makes receptive anal sex painful to impossible. Conversely, almost all men treated with surgery (and many with radiation as well) will have erection difficulties, after treatment, making bottoming very challenging. Treatment can also effect penis size, ability to ejaculate, the experience of orgasm, pleasure in receptive sex, and urinary problems during sex or at orgasm.
This makes it important to discuss gay sex with your specialist as part of choosing which treatment will have the least side effects for you.
The typical test for prostate cancer involves both a blood test and a digital rectal exam. Because massage of the prostate may hypothetically affect the blood results, we recommend you refrain from receptive anal sex or other anal stimulation for 48 hours before the blood is drawn and make sure the blood is drawn before the digital exam.
No. Many men with low-risk prostate cancer never need treatment. Instead, they go on active surveillance. This simply involves having a blood test every three months to monitor the amount of prostate-specific antigen in their blood. This may also involve additional biopsies to track if the cancer is changing.
No, if your boyfriend, husband or a male sex partner has prostate cancer, you cannot get it from him. Prostate cancer is not sexually transmitted.
Fortunately, prostate cancer has an excellent (over 99%) survival rate provided it is treated early. We are a male couple where both of us have been diagnosed. Here’s what to expect. The initial diagnosis can be scary and requires a biopsy which can be uncomfortable. Don’t panic. Most prostate cancer is slow-growing so in many cases, you can go at your own pace. Gay men are more likely to feel isolated or go through treatment alone, so it’s important to reach out for support. Prepare a list of questions before each consultation and ask them at your next visit. Bring your man (if partnered) or a friend (if single) to the consultation, both for support and to listen to what the specialist says. Deciding if you need treatment and what treatment is best for you are critical milestones, where many patients seek a second (or third) opinion.
Because it’s cancer and because it affects our sexual functioning, many gay prostate cancer patients report feeling less than other gay men. There’s a stigma to having prostate cancer which can affect our sexual self-esteem, sense of attractiveness and potency. And because it affects erections, some men may become more at risk for HIV if their erections are not strong enough for condoms or if they decide to bottom more instead.
Everyone is different. In our experience, good sex is definitely possible after treatment but it is challenging. It takes time and patience (up to two years post-treatment), commitment to sex as a priority, good communication between partners, lots of sexual rehabilitation exercises, and flexibility. The biggest loss we had to deal with was spontaneity – erections don’t just happen, and we have to plan sex if it is to be successful. We found erectile drugs and vacuum pumps to be a help as well.
Know that many urologists and oncologists see themselves as technologists focused on survival. Not all are good at talking to patients or discussing sex. While survival is obviously important, quality of life is as well. Most gay and bisexual men are sexually active and want to remain so after treatment. So, it’s critical to find a specialist you can be open with, and have your questions answered. When making an appointment, ask for a specialist who is comfortable discussing the sexual effects of treatment. And if they seem uncomfortable or unknowledgeable about sex between men, seek a second or third opinion until you find someone you can trust.
For more information: See our just published book, J. M. Ussher, J. Perz, B. R. S. Rosser, Gay and Bisexual Men Living with Prostate Cancer: From Diagnosis to Recovery (Harrington Part Press, New York 2018).
For support services: Malecare.org is the largest provider of online support worldwide and has groups specifically for gay and bisexual prostate cancer patients.
To get involved in research: At the University of Minnesota, we are conducting the first, large, NIH-funded study testing online rehabilitation designed by and for gay and bisexual prostate cancer patients living in the US. See: www.restorestudy.umn.edu or email: Restorestudy@umn.edu.
Dr Simon Rosser is a gay men’s health researcher and Dr Bill West a health communication specialist at the University of Minnesota. They specialize in prostate cancer in gay and bisexual men. They co-authored several chapters in J. M. Ussher, J. Perz, B. R. S. Rosser, Gay and Bisexual Men Living with Prostate Cancer: From Diagnosis to Recovery (Harrington Park Press, NY, 2018). They are married and out as a gay couple living with prostate cancer.
The best area is when the footpath moves away from the road, but before the lake.