THEGAYUK

Tag: Dating

All the latest breaking news on dating when you’re LGBT+. Browse The THEGAYUK’s complete collection of features and commentary on dating.

  • Ten Tips To Make A Flawless First Impression

    Ten Tips To Make A Flawless First Impression

    First dates, they can be the makings of a fresh new romance or your very own horror movie. Okay, so that might be a bit of an overstatement, but they can certainly make or break the chances of a potential future with someone. As unfortunate as it might be, these scenarios – whether they play out good or bad for the individual – are one of the very few things that tie us all together.

    https://giphy.com/gifs/fabulous-hair-flip-shrek-wMqzS9qqe6X2E

    There’s a reason first dates are nerve-wracking but follow these ten steps and you’ll be sure to make a lasting – and outstanding – first impression.

    (You can thank me after the third date.)

     

    10 – Think Outside The Box

    There’s no need for dinner and a movie to be the only potential first date option. Get out of your comfort zone and do something a little different to leave a lasting impression on that special guy.

    9 – Dress To Impress

    Put away that ancient Tee and actually button up to be remembered. The right guy’s going to be worth that extra effort. Iron that shirt, polish the shoes, and don’t forget to run a brush through that hair, it’ll be worth it in the long run.

    8 – Have Fun – But Not Too Much Fun

    There’s nothing wrong with a little Dutch courage, but make sure to remember where the line is. Much like you will want to remember the date, he probably doesn’t want to be babysitting a stumbling drunk so maybe keep it to a four-drink maximum.

    7 – Don’t Do ALL Of The Talking

    Dates have a way of including two people for a reason. Just try to remember that it’s not all about you, no one likes a loudmouth whose favourite topic is himself, so ask some questions, and make him feel like the center of attention every now and then.

    6 – Find Some Common Ground

    It doesn’t matter if it’s music, movies, or your mutual love for sausage … dogs. Once you find something you completely agree on the conversation will start flowing without any effort at all. It’ll always give you something to fall back on too.

    5 – Cover The Fun Stuff – But Leave Out All The Rest

    Unless it’s especially important to the both of you, it might be best to avoid anything political or even remotely controversial. You’ll have enough time to cover your stances on Brexit, Gay Rights, and the Pro-Life movement, so let’s not use up all the fun topics on the first date.

    4 – Be Witty.

    Think Tina Fey, not Chandler Bing. The class clown is all well and good in small doses, but no one wants to be stuck on a date full of constant one-liners and immature observations.

    3 – Avoid All The BURNING Questions

    Top or bottom? STD Free? Much like the politics, you have more than enough time to find out these things about one another. While the answers might sway you one way or another – I’m not going to judge what’s important to you – those issues can definitely wait a few dates.

    2 – Leave It On A Good Note

    Like Mama said, “No one’s gonna’ buy the cow if you give the milk away for free.” This one will change from date to date, and person to person, but judge the situation well and leave it in a way that both of you will be happy with.

    Lips were made for more than talking, after all.

    1 – Be Yourself

    It’s cheesy and overused, but it really is the most important thing to remember. You need to find someone who likes the real you, and there’s only one way for them to get to know that awesome guy.

    Remember, confidence is sexy.

  • THE UNDATEABLE GAY | Can you find love in a gay sauna?

    SPA a thought for me…

    As my quest for Mr right continues, I’m keeping an open mind when it comes to ways of discovering just where the bloody hell he is. Because right now, he is completely UTL. Does Mr right even exist? Is there really such a thing? Bugger me, I’m procrastinating and counselling myself as I write this column.

    CREDIT: © Artmim Depositphotos

    So, as I sip on an ice cold glass of Sauvignon in an empty gay pub in the heart of Uxbridge, (no wonder it’s empty, it’s Uxbridge!) I overhear some rather slutty looking queens talking about a sauna in Soho. And they say it’s such a great place to meet men. My ears prick up like a cat’s tail when they’re after a mouse.

    Wonderful, I think to myself, that’s where I can meet the man of my dreams, m Mr right, the man I’m meant to share my living days with; in a sauna.

    As I walk into the entrance of this sauna, I find it’s very dark. Cor, my old apple pies ain’t the best in daylight, let alone in this dimly lit setting.

    Luckily I’ve got my contact lenses in so it’s only the darkness I have to contend with. I’m so excited for my sauna experience. I think to myself, even if I don’t meet a man, it’s still going to be a relaxing and rejuvenating evening.

    I enter the locker rooms and see men walking around in their birthday suits. I go into a sheer panic.

    I don’t think I can walk around in mine. I grab a rescue remedy pastille from my Superdry bag and suck on it. I need it to calm my nerves. I’ve always got pills in my bag for any eventuality. My friends call me a walking pharmacy. If you’ve got the sh*ts, a bad head, feeling sick or you just need a vitamin boost, I’ve got the solution.

    After sucking on my pastille for a few moments and giving myself a good old slap round my Botox-ed boat race, I decide that I’m a young, attractive gay boy and I can walk around naked! And I thank god I stuck to my New Year’s resolution of swimming. I’ve got biceps that would make Tom Daley swoon. So I whip off my clothes and open the door.

    Once in the sauna, I see a man’s genitalia, practically starring me in the eye. He is naked with a boner, in this sauna. What a saucy minx, I think.

    ALSO READ:

     

    We are practically eye to eye and I’m talking the eye on my face and his special downstairs eye. Cor, I bet that hurts, I find myself thinking. He winks at me. With the eye on his face, I’d just like to point out. I shyly say hello. He just shakes his head to the left and walks off into a locker. Well, it looks like a locker. It’s got a black bench in it that looks like a bed.

    Maybe he’s feeling sleepy. F*cking rude, though, I think. What was the point of winking at me? And then just walking off. I shouldn’t be too judgemental, though, maybe he’s got a nervous twitch.

    I decide that I should find the jacuzzi. Oh yes, that’d be bloody lovely. A warm bubbly bath to soothe my achy muscles after a 70 length breaststroke marathon in the pool. I see two old men sitting in the jacuzzi, I mean they must be at least 75. I see a walking stick hanging from one of the hooks. Bless them, I find myself thinking. At least they still get out the house and look after themselves. I smile at them as I get in, which as you will discover, was my downfall.

    As I sit my naked body down in the jacuzzi, the two geriatrics grin at me with their false gnashers. I mean, I don’t know that they’ve got false ones, I’m just being ageist. I lay back and close my eyes, enjoying the bubbles fizzing around me. Cor, I suddenly feel bubbles bubbling quite ferociously around my man bits. As I start to feel slightly aroused from jacuzzi fizz, I put my hand down to check it’s not being fizzed away from my pubic bone. And my lord, I get a shock.

    My hand bumps into another hand and as I look up, I see the geriatric grinning at me, a full display of false Steradent cleaned gnashers glistening in my apple pies. At least his false teeth aren’t stained, I think to myself. So it could be worse.

    He has got his bloody hand on my penis. The dirty old perve. I’m old enough to be his great grandson. I protest and start to pull away but he grabs my leg and pulls me towards him. Cor, he’s strong for an old bugger.

    “Now, I’m not really interested!” I start to protest.
    “Oh come on! Make an old man happy!” He seedily says.
    “No, I will not!”

    Well, as I went to get up from the jacuzzi, he pulled me towards him so fast that I slip off the seat, screaming as I go and my head slips under the water. And I can still feel the bloody old bugger’s hand on my manhood. But right now, I’m more annoyed that my whole head and hair are under the water and wet. I finally manage to pull myself from his grip and I storm out the jacuzzi. And out of the sauna. I don’t think this is the right place to look for love…

     

    Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.

  • The five types of person we become after a month on a gay dating app

    The five types of person we become after a month on a gay dating app

    Dating apps taboos: the other side of the coin

    gay dating apps
    ©-Maridav-Depositphotos

    If, like me, you’ve been single for more than 1 month of your life then you have, at some point, used online dating apps (or a website). You would have definitely experienced at least one of the following;

     

    • Catfish (people using other people’s pictures deliberately to be someone they are not).
    • A Dorian Grey (someone who ages in real life but doesn’t seem to online until their online picture is wildly different).
    • Time wasters (all chat and no trousers (sometimes literally))
    • Hot ’n’ colders (interested one day then cold the next)
    • Droughts (weeks if not months of nothing)

     

    To name just a few!

    Now these are all very annoying but generally go with the territory, But, why do they? I was sat chatting to a group of friends and were talking about in one form or another we had been one of these things. So, does that mean that we are all one of these at some point?

    All of us in the group said that we had never been a catfish BUT had considered it. And you can see why there is a certain appeal, especially if there is a really really hot guy that does not have you on their radar. You’d never do it, but the mind does fantasise about pretending to be someone equally as fit and flirting with them. No? Just me? Oh, well pours another gin.

    What about a Dorian Grey? This is something I believe I’ve named myself (and a quick search online didn’t seem to find anything). I’ve noticed that as gay men approach key milestones they tend to fog the lines around a set age. I’ve seen a few friends do it, they extend being 30/31 (or even in their 20s) when in fact they are a little older than that. And we all do it. I’ve recently turned 30 and while I proudly put my age on my profile I did often refer to myself as a late 20s guy (more for a joke but nothing is ever done without meaning). At least half of the friends in the group admitted to doing it, having done it in the past or were considering it.

    ALSO READ: Ten things gay men love to hate about dating apps.

    Time wasters are the most common and the easiest for ‘your average guy’ to fall in to. Picture it, you’re all set for a ‘meet’ but as the day approaches things come up, stuff happens, and suddenly it’s 19:30 on a Friday night and the prospect of going out just seems a mission. So, they get a politely worded “sorry I can’t make it’, I’ve got this thing’ or ‘I forgot I had to do X’. We’ve all done it at some point and don’t you dare try and claim that you haven’t!

    Now hot n colders are definitely people we have all been and they are very literally people that blow hot and cold. A flurry of interest one day then naff all the next. I know that I do this. But not always through choice, sometimes life just takes over and responding to that text works its way down the list of things to do. There, in most cases, isn’t any malice in it but as the person on the other side waiting for that text the only way to really take a lack of response is badly. It is a sure-fire way of harming your ‘dating chances’ and yes you can argue that maybe you shouldn’t be online if you can’t handle online but when has anything ever been that simple?

    ALSO READ: 12 mistakes gay guys are making on their dating profiles.

    Finally, droughts aren’t something you can be but they can push a person in need into being one of the above. No ‘booty’ equals a horny moment, an approach to a fellow app user for a ‘meet’ which then loses its appeal after a ‘self-release’. Hence, time waster. Droughts come to us all and they can have the ability to make us to things that we wouldn’t consider doing. I do have a story about a guy that didn’t get any action for 4 weeks, but that’s for another time.

    So, while I don’t look to excuse or validate such things, as they are annoying, instead aren’t we all guilty of being one of these at one point or another? Maybe with a little more acceptance of that when it does happen we can just accept it as a fact of life and move on. If ‘online behaviour’ really is an extension of ‘physical behaviour’ then just as we do silly things when nervous in real life maybe, we do silly things in our electronic one.

     

    Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.

  • Dear Innocent-Me… What warnings, or advice, would you give your past self on the delightful world of gay dating apps?

    Dear Innocent-Me… What warnings, or advice, would you give your past self on the delightful world of gay dating apps?

    Embed from Getty Images

    Dear Innocent Me,

    I’m going to jump right into this one, partly because I have a word-count to stick to, but also because it’s a pretty important point that I need to discuss with you this time. One of the best parts of having a big gay time machine to contact my younger self through is knowing that I can potentially stop you from making some big mistakes. One way you’re going to make mistakes in the near future is through the fabulous world of mobile dating apps, so listen up, kiddo – it’s about to get real.

    Firstly, even at the age of 25 I’m still somehow

    the naive gay who sees them as Dating Apps – maybe it’s all the musicals, or Julia Roberts movies I’ve seen, that have convinced me love comes first and always wins in the end. However, here’s the truth, a lot of -and perhaps most – guys don’t view or use these apps in this way. For a lot of guys these apps are more about hooking up than they are about dating, and they’re more about sex than they are about love. This will cause some confusion, and a fair bit of wasted time, in conversations you have with guys you envisage as possible suiters. Yes, there will be those guys who are upfront about it from the get go; they’ll ask for pics, or they’ll send pics, or you’ll be greeted with the stunningly eloquent opening question that is, “top or bttm?” You’ll get used to these guys, and you will even get used to explaining that you’re after a little more than they are. It’s the others that really breed confusion – the ones who talk like they want more, staying full Dr Jeckyll until the night hits and Mr Hyde emerges. Let’s cut to the chase, don’t fall for these guys.

    Secondly, remember to always put safety first. Of course, this comes into play just as much in the bedroom as it does on the apps, but I’m referring to the latter now. Avoid being too open and vulnerable on these Apps, maybe even to the extent of not showing your face in your profile picture – it will definitely help to avoid unplanned chance meetings, after all. Other than that it’s all the usual points, no addresses, of course no banking information, and no deep dark confessions to that faceless torso with glistening abs.

    When it gets to the real world part, which it will on more than a few occasions, listen to what your parents have always told you. Strangers = Dangers. Meet in a public, well lit place – and make sure there are people who know your exact plans, that you keep them updated on all the while, of course. There are going to be couple times you don’t follow these rules and you’re pretty lucky nothing bad actually happens, but just FYI they’re super awkward encounters and not worth all of the risk and worry at all.

    Finally, don’t fall for anyone before actually meeting them – this even goes for the good ones you might find. You’re going to do it, and you’re going to feel stupid. At the end of the day dating apps are like Facebook or any other kind of social media, people show what they want you to see, and hide what they don’t. You can’t fall for a concept of a man.

    Yours sincerely,

    Twenty-Five Year Old (Somewhat Regretful) You

     

    Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.

  • You won’t believe the cost to find that someone special

    So, dating is expensive, right? Do you have any clue how much it costs to find that special person nowadays?

    CREDIT: Yastremska-bigstock

    According to a new poll, it takes Americans over five years of dating before they decided to tie-the-knot. Over the course of those years, the average person spends $20,276 (£16,320) on dating.

    The new survey of 1,000 married people across the country conducted by art event planners Paint Nite also found that Americans spend, on average, nearly five and a half years out on the dating scene before getting hitched – shelling out an average of $43.50 per date.

    The most common dating activity is going to dinner, which 88 percent of 1,000 Americans named as one of their top picks, followed by going to the movies (63 percent), lunch (39 percent), taking a walk (38 percent) and making a meal and spending time at home (38 percent).

    As for the ideal date, dinner and movies topped the list once again, followed by taking a walk, travelling and sightseeing. Three out of four people would rather enjoy a sedentary date such as dinner and movies over active/interactive or outdoor dates – with only 10 percent saying they like to play sports while out with their other half or a new love prospect.

    When it comes to landing dates, a quarter have picked up a prospect in a bar or a nightclub, one in five have used online dating sites, and 35 percent have been set up by friends and colleagues.

    Sixty-five percent of respondents think the best way to greet a date is with a simple hi or hello, while almost two in five advocate a hug and 30 percent recommend a handshake.

    “Making a great impression on a first date, whether that means covering the bill, a warm greeting or simply picking an interesting activity, can make all the difference in the early days of a relationship,’ explains Courtney Osgood of Paint Nite, a company that arranges art-themed nights at pubs and wine bars. ‘Mixing it up, and trying something new can also keep the spark alive between a seasoned couple.”

    As for who should shell out on the first date, more than half think that the man should cover the bill, while just one percent of respondents thought the woman should pay the tab. Twenty-three percent of respondents said it should actually be the person who asked for the date who should pay.

    More than 40 percent of respondents say that they decide who will pay before the date even happens, while 24 percent say they figure things out when the bill comes.
    One in five men admits to pulling the pretending-to-stretch trick on a date, while 22 percent of both men and women admit to touching an arm or a knee of their date to make a move.

    Top keys to the best first impression on a date
    1.    Good manners
    2.    An attractive appearance
    3.    A smile
    4.    Great personality
    5.    A sense of humour

    Top date turn-offs
    1.    Bad manners/Offensive/Rude
    2.    Bad breath
    3.    Too negative
    4.    Burping out loud/other bodily noises
    5.    Unattractive physical appearance
    6.    Inappropriate/tight clothing
    7.    Talks too much
    8.    Indecisiveness
    9.    Too much make-up
    10.    Lack of confidence

  • 5 chat up lines you should NEVER use

    Some chat-up lines work and others really don’t. Here are 5 chat-up lines you should NEVER Use!

    CREDIT: ©-studiostoks-Depositphotos

    1. You have 206 bones in your body. Want one more?

    It’s crude and it’s not even clever.

    2. I’m calling the police because you stole my heart.

    Really cheesy, to the point of being cringeworthy.

    3. Are your pants a bit tight or are you just happy to see me?

    Confidence is good, but cockiness (no pun intended) is not. The not-so-subtle subtext implies you’re just after one thing, which you probably won’t get using this line.

    4. You know what would look good on you? Me.

    Nobody wants to go out with somebody who has a bigger ego than themselves. This line screams that they are egotistical.

    5. Do you come here often?

    This line is too ambiguous. Depending upon where you meet, this could have all sorts of subtext. I once had a guy say this to me in the waiting room of a sexual health clinic. I walked on by and thankfully never saw him again.

    My advice would be to avoid the one-liners altogether. Start the conversation with a simple ‘hi’ or ‘hey’ and stick to genuine compliments.

    What’s the worst chat-up line anybody has ever said to you? Leave a comment below or on our Facebook page to let us know.

  • COLUMN | It’s been 3 years since my last date… but I’ve found love

    A lot of my friends wonder why I don’t really date.

    I recently wrote about how I feel I’ve met my soulmate but it just wasn’t and still isn’t the right time for us. Is my hesitation to date some pathetic attempt to stop time, in hope that he changes into the man I need him to be in order for us to have a successful relationship? Or is there something deeper?

    Since he and I broke up, I have dated. My first date was with a French guy I had met on POF. He seemed nice enough when we chatted. When we met in person he asked if I minded running a few errands with him. It was entirely unromantic but I agreed. I instantly regretted this when we made awkward chat in a line at a Post Office. It was the depths of summer so I was sweating, my feet hurt and I felt instantly unsexy. We went for a coffee where he told me about how he hated most ethnic minorities and felt that most gays were a disgrace. Now, I hadn’t dated in a while so instead of listening to the voice in my head that was screaming “run”, I went back to his apartment.

    Now, I hadn’t dated in a while so instead of listening to the voice in my head that was screaming “run”, I went back to his apartment.

    His apartment was gorgeous with stunning views. We drank champagne and ate strawberries as the sun set. It was romantic and I melted as he told me how he missed home and missed his mother. It deleted all memory of that fact he was a racist, self-loathing homosexual. What can I say? I was fickle and horny.

    What can I say? I was fickle and horny.

    We eventually went to his bedroom where he suggested we shower. I found this sexy until he suggested we shower separately because it was a hot day and we’d been out all afternoon. Despite alarm bells now ringing loudly in my head, I waited my turn (that’s right, he went FIRST) and then came out in a towel only to discover he was fully dressed. I awkwardly went back into the bathroom and dressed also. We sat and watched a film for a while and then he started kissing me. I reached down to unbutton my shirt and he SLAPPED (PHYSICALLY. SLAPPED.) my hand away. “NO NO NO” he growled, “I DO THIS”. Every single time I tried to undress myself, he’d slap my hand away.

    After some very mediocre sex-adjacent acts, I excused myself to the bathroom. In there I noticed, sat on his bathroom shelf, was a tube of cold sore cream. I took a look at myself in the mirror and laughed. I darted out of there without so much as a goodbye. How did I let myself get into that situation?!

    Despite this, a few months later, I allowed my friend to set me up on a blind date. “You’ll love him, you have a lot in common” he smiled. I turned up to the date 15 minutes late due to traffic. I

    “You’ll love him, you have a lot in common” he smiled. I turned up to the date 15 minutes late due to traffic. I apologised a few times to which he yelled, “STOP F*CKING APOLOGISING”. Startled, I simply replied “sorry” which, admittedly, seemed a little sarcastic. Throughout the date, which was in the romantic Manchester hotspot Wetherspoons, he would avert his eyes to other men. A group of lads walked by our table and he checked them out.

    “I would, wouldn’t you?” he smiled.
    “You’re supposed to only be looking at me” I laughed, embarrassed that I had to remind him of that.

    The date continued in that vein. He told me he loved One Direction which wouldn’t have been a problem until he decided to start dancing to “Best Song Ever” which wasn’t even on the radio. “I know all the moves” he grinned.

    Eventually, we got into more serious chat. He told me he had been engaged 3 times (he was 24) and that the longest relationship was 2 years. I told him that I’d been in a serious relationship and was getting ready to date again.

    “HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE FER YER TO CALL SOMEWUN YER BOYFRIEND?” he bellowed, in his loud Yorkshire accent.

    “Um, probably 4 to 6 months” I replied, confused as to why he’d even ask.

    “TWO WEEK FER ME”, he grinned.

    Two weeks. I sighed, this clearly wasn’t going to be the love connection my friend had envisioned and I wondered how he’d got it so wrong. After he told me how he loves to watch his partners sleep, I made an excuse to leave.

    I called my friend in the taxi. “Honestly, I only spoke to him for 30 seconds but he said he likes wrestling and One Direction so…”. I made my unhappiness extremely clear.

    This was three years ago. I haven’t been on a date since. Am I traumatised by my experiences? A little. But the real reason is because, on each of these dates, I allowed it to go a little long. The French guy was an awful human being and the Yorkshireman was way too intense. Yet I stayed with them for hours. Why? I was weirdly grateful they’d even go on a date with me.

    I realised that I felt so bad about myself, about how I look and who I am, I was willing to put up with almost anything. My previous boyfriend always told me I was attractive and smart, beautiful and capable. He made me believe in myself. So without him, I crumbled. I needed to learn to believe in myself what he had believed in me. And that’s exactly what I’ve been doing. I keep working on myself and sometimes it works and other times I have set backs. But until I can truly learn to love myself, I cannot date honestly. I am willing to wait to find somebody who gives me what I deserve and who lifts me up. Because, as the great philosopher RuPaul Charles once said, “If you can’t love yourself, how in the hell are you going to love somebody else?”

    Now, can I get an Amen?

    Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.

  • THE UNDATEABLE GAY I don’t FORE-SKIN a future with him…

    I’m writing this column at the risk of being called a shallow, vain poof. I’m even scared that people may start hurling rotten potatoes at me in the street. But oh well, I have been called a gay Joan Rivers many a time so I’ll take the risk.

    I’m hard. Normally in a gay sauna, I am. Anyway, I’m digressing. I like to think I am but underneath my fake tanned, Botox-ed hard-hearted exterior, I’m a pussy cat.

    As my friends will tell you, I don’t really have a type when it comes to men. My criteria normally just states they must have a cock and a pulse. And sometimes even the pulse isn’t important. No, no, I’m joking, I’m joking. I thought I’d better point that out before I get arrested by the Old Bill for necrophilia. The point is, I’m very open minded when it comes to men, hence why I don’t have a type. There is just one strict criterion my men must adhere to. GOOD TEETH.

    I can’t bear bad teeth. It turns my stomach. The thought that I have to kiss them. Now, I’m not talking wonky wisdoms. That’s fine, it’s just when they’re discoloured and stained. I just think, get yourself down the hygienist.

    Now before you all start lynching me and throwing shallow stones in my direction, let me point me out that I’m not perfect. I have a little gap in my front teeth. But I gargle coconut oil every night to ensure they stay gleaming white. People put sunglasses on when I smile.

    Talking of my gap, it takes me back to a family roast one Sunday. We’d finished eating and my mum looked at me and said, “you’ve got something in your teeth!”

    So there I was having a little pick. I looked back at my mother, waiting for reassurance it was gone. “No, no. It’s still there!” So I picked again. And again. This went on for a full five minutes so I stood up from the table in sheer frustration and walked to the mirror. On further investigation, I realised it was my gap she was referring to and there was absolutely nothing there!

    “30 years you’ve known me and you thought it was food stuck and not my gap!”

    Anyway, I better talk about my dating story seeing as this is my undateable column. I’ve been set up on a date by my friend Inch again. You know the one who works for Mulberry. I thought I’d give her another chance to get it right. Surely, she’ll do better this time. So, off I trot to the restaurant to this lovely bloke called Lee. He looked very handsome as he stood up at the dinner table to greet me with a kiss. What manners.

    We sit down and I order the standard bottle of Sauvignon from New Zealand. My snobby ways never cease to amaze me. The waiter pours it for us and as we lift our glasses to cheers, he shoots me a bloody great smile.

    How sweet.

    Then my jaw drops quicker than a prostitute’s knickers. His smile includes some rather discoloured teeth. I knock back my glass of Sauvignon like an alcoholic at breakfast.

    He’s so handsome, I keep repeating to myself. And then he opens his mouth and it reminds me of my bad teeth phobia. I did spend hours on Google looking for the official name for it, but there isn’t one. Even though there is an ARACHIBUTYROPHOBIA which is the fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of your mouth, I kid you not. (??!!)

    So lee and I, we do get on really really well and we laugh and we enjoy a beautiful meal together. He’s got the looks, he’s got the personality. I try and remember my Sunday school teaching and vow to overcome my shallow behaviour when it comes to his molars. We get up to leave and he goes to kiss me. I pull away, faster than a rat up a drainpipe.

    I’m not quite ready for that.

    I make my excuses and he asks me back to his. I shock myself and say yes. I tell myself, I can’t kiss him on the lips but maybe I can kiss his…

    We arrive back at his gaff and to avoid the kiss on the lips, I automatically drop to my knees.

    As I perform fellatio, I hear him screaming. I carry on, gloating and smiling to myself. He’s obviously enjoying it. I feel quite smug as I carry on.

    He screams again and I think, God, I’m better at blow jobs than I thought. As he lets out another scream, I think, ooh I better just check he’s alright.

    I pull away and I feel his foreskin come with me! I realise it’s caught in my gap!

    “Be careful!” He screams as he rubs himself better.

    “Oh sorry!” I blush. “It’s my gap!”

     

    Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.

  • Can’t get a date? 50 biggest turn offs revealed

    Can’t get a date? 50 biggest turn offs revealed

    Are you finding it hard to get a date? Perhaps it’s time to invest in some soap and a new deodorant.

    Cigarettes
    CREDIT:CC0 Public Domain / PublicDomainPictures / Pixababy

    Talking about ex-partners, being rude to waiting staff and having dirty fingernails are among the biggest turn-offs on a first date, a study has revealed.

    Wearing ‘bad shoes’ and talking about yourself in the third person also appeared in the top 50 lists of no-nos.

    The poll of 2,000 single people by e-cigarette pioneers blu revealed bad body odour as the top turn-off.

    Almost three-quarters of adults said it would be their main reason to avoid a follow-up date.

    Second place went to bad tempers, followed by lying, acting selfishly and having bad breath.

    The study also found that people would prefer to date someone who vaped, over one who smoked.

    Some people – clearly still haunted by their experiences – logged very specific complaints, including one encounter in which a man went on at great length about his hobby of collecting PARROT shaped ornaments.

    Fifty-three per cent said they form an opinion on someone in 15 minutes or less, and over half would ditch someone who seemed otherwise perfect but had one glaring flaw.

    The poll also showed wholesome traits were still valued as the most important qualities in a date, favouring a sense of humour and good hygiene over wealth and fashion sense, with non-smoking also a key consideration in a partner.

    Jon Solimando, Brand Director at blu, said,

    “Between the multitude of online apps, not to mention traditional ways like meeting in a bar or club, Brits now have more options than ever before to help them line up a first date.

    “As an alternative to ‘turning off’ potential dates through smoking, as this research has shown, adult smokers can now get six weeks’ worth of blu products for less than the price of a pack of cigarettes upon signing up at love.blu.com.”

    The study was carried out as part of blu’s new ‘Six Weeks to Fall in Love’ offer.

    THE TOP 50 TURN-OFFS
    1.Body odour
    2.Bad temper
    3.Lying
    4.Being selfish
    5. Bad breath (cigarettes)
    6. Bad breath (unidentified food)
    7.No sense of humour
    8.Yellow teeth
    9.Eats disgustingly
    10.Having dirty clothes
    11.Being rude to waiters
    12.Had nothing in common
    13.Dirty fingernails
    14.Smoking
    15.Smelly feet
    16.Talking about exes too much
    17.Being sexist
    18.Bad fake tan
    19.Being jealous
    20.Being obsessed with money
    21.Took too many selfies
    22.Being cheap
    23.Bad breath (coffee)
    24.Can’t handle alcohol
    25.Referring to themselves in the third person
    26.Someone who looks at themselves more than you
    27.Dandruff
    28.Talked about babies/marriage on the first date
    29.Someone who doesn’t make you a priority
    30.Horrible perfume/aftershave
    31.Had piercings
    32.Being late
    33.Annoying laugh
    34.Being insecure
    35.A nasal voice
    36.Tattoos
    37.Bad make-up
    38.Friends didn’t like them
    39.Bad haircut
    40.Bad fashion sense
    41.Obviously checking out your body
    42.No career ambition
    43.Too much perfume/aftershave
    44.Big nose
    45.Had rubbish taste in music
    46.Still living with parents
    47.Bad shoes
    48.Had rubbish taste in TV
    49.Living with parents
    50. Wore braces

  • Here’s what you could be doing wrong on dating apps

    Here’s what you could be doing wrong on dating apps

    It’s a fact of life. If you’re single, you’re probably on a dating app, and if you’re not getting the dates you want, you could be asking the wrong questions…

    If you’re looking for love on a dating app and you’re not getting the results you want you could be doing something crucially wrong, and it could be the questions you’re asking.

    Obviously, the most used word on Grindr is “Hey” or even “Sup” but the next following convo is important if you’re looking for love rather than just a hookup.

     

    what mistakes to avoid on gay dating apps
    CREDIT: GaudiLab/bigstock

     

    So what is this cardinal sin we’re all committing?

    You shouldn’t be asking what they do for a living as it seems too “opportunistic”. According to Cosmopolitan, Myka Meier, who created an etiquette app, called, Beaumont Etiquette, bringing up someone’s career (or lack thereof) can feel like you’re asking, “‘so how much money do you make?’ or “So how well educated are you?”

    So what topics does Meier suggest you stick with if you want to take the relationship further?

    Well, there’s a person’s background, interests and where they were raised or where they live now.

    Also, you could be on the wrong app. Check out our gay dating app review for the best dating app experience.

     

     

  • OPINION | 10 things gay guys should stop doing

    OPINION | 10 things gay guys should stop doing

    From a young age we are conditioned on what is right and wrong, but how does that work for the modern day gay man? With many embracing their sexuality in many different ways it is important to remember that we still represent the LGBT community and there are many things we shouldn’t be doing:

    CREDIT: bigstock
    CREDIT: bigstock

    1. Calm down dear, it’s only a commercial

    I remember being on a night out where the music was good. It was nearing the end of the night and Aqua’s “Barbie Girl” began to play. I was standing harmlessly next a gentleman in his late forties who began screaming like a twelve-year-old girl. There’s no need for dramatics, and no need to scream.

    2. You are not a Barbie girl living in a Barbie world

    I have strong judgement towards those who wear bad makeup. I understand it is a personal choice and it isn’t a problem if you do, but keep it clean and under control. You shouldn’t have foundation on your chest or neck as it does rub on your clothes when you’re dancing around and it is noticeable.

    3. The bigger they are, the harder they fall

    I am not a size queen, but it does annoy me that in modern society everybody is more interested in what is in your pants than in your heart. I remember having a conversation over text with a baker. After asking for a picture of his cake he thought I was dyslexic and had spelt cock wrong.

    4. Lesbihonest

    Lesbians don’t bite. What do you think they are hiding down there? A gnome? They have as much right to celebrate sexuality as anyone else. My friend recently dated another girl whose arms were so big she could pick me up like Patrick Swayze in Dirty Dancing – amazing.

    5. You can’t pull off plastic

    I don’t and never have understood the cliques of the gay world. Can’t we all just bake a cake filled with rainbows and smiles and everyone would eat and be happy? This isn’t Mean Girls and you are not Regina George.

    6. Blow kisses, not boys

    If you make out you’re a slut by kissing various guys throughout the night and bragging about it, it only makes it okay for other guys to call you a slut. Keep it classy and no one will judge.

    7. Snap Happy

    If you want to act like you’re in an episode of Will and Grace, be my guest. Just please don’t think it is okay to snap your fingers at others in rest rooms or smoking areas with a catchphrase such as ‘Hey girlfriend’.

    8. Darling, you cannot act straight

    How many profiles have you seen with ‘straight acting’ on them. Firstly, if you are using a dating application/website aimed at homosexual men and women then you are in the wrong place. Are you looking for someone to pretend to be straight for you?

    9. If you want money, date Scrooge McDuck

    A lot of people seem to be obsessed with money. Personally, I have never found money attractive and couldn’t imagine sleeping on a bed of thin paper notes. It doesn’t matter what your annual income is or what label clothes you wear. It is all about the personality.

    10. Finally, just be you

    I think along the lines of trying to fit in with a stereotypical gay world we forget who we are. For years we have been fighting for gay rights, and for people to celebrate their sexuality. Don’t let that put you down, stand up.

     

    Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, it’s management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.

     

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