THEGAYUK

Tag: Dating

All the latest breaking news on dating when you’re LGBT+. Browse The THEGAYUK’s complete collection of features and commentary on dating.

  • These are the ways you can get a date, when you’re just too darn busy

    These are the ways you can get a date, when you’re just too darn busy

    5 ways to date when you’re too busy for love.

    using your mobile phone too much
    CREDIT: bigstock-kalim

    Using dating apps takes up a lot of time and effort, with the average user spending around ten hours a week swiping! There are so many lost hours making small talk with screens and sending dead end messages to strangers, just to get nothing in response.

    The gay dating scene is a minefield and finding a man can be difficult enough, especially for people who work long hours and lead busy lifestyles. Whether you’re just looking for a bit of fun or after a bit of romance there is not enough time for all of this runaround!

    Tech guru Kal Kingsley believes that technology has exploded the dating industry and now there is a way to date for everyone – no matter how unconventional. Here are their top ways to date when you’re too busy for love.

    Speed Dating

    (C) BIGSTOCK

    The clues in the name – speed. There are so many organised speed dating events across the country, that are gay and bispecific. The traditional format of these evenings allows you to work your away the room have conversations with other daters. Each round is usually only 1-2 minutes so you don’t need to extend the small talk if you’re not interested. It’s like a series of mini first dates all in one night!

    Hook-up apps

    CREDIT: Ryazan / BIGSTOCK

    This one’s for the more casual daters. Instead of having to sift through the romantic hopefuls on normal dating apps like Tinder, there are specific ones that cater for those after some no-strings-attached fun. For example, although the likes of Grindr and Hornet market themselves at ‘dating’ apps, they are generally used in the community as hook-up platforms.

    Group Dates

    keeping company, social gathering,
    CREDIT: bigstock / Rawpixel.com

    Similar to speed dating, group dates bring your date to you. Meeting someone face to face cuts out the back and forth messaging so it’s much quicker to know if you like someone or not. Companies such as ‘My Friend Charlie’ are launching LGBT dates where they organise unusual events such as a ghost hunt or a chocolate making class, – you choose an event, not a profile! This lets you meet and chat to like-minded people that you already know have similar interests to you.

    Hire an escort

    (C) BIGSTOCK / DEPOSITPHOTOS

    Escorting isn’t the seedy, underground arrangement that it used to be. If you have a bit of disposable money, it’s a great way to get a bit of convenient companionship. On apps such as Smooci, you can choose an escort to take on a date or meet up with and they will instantly respond. It’s a quick and easy of meeting someone, without having to put the groundwork in.

    Adult parties

    (C) BIGSTOCK

    This is probably one of the quickest and easiest ways of having a bit of fun if you’re too busy for strings. There are many adult parties that cater to everyone, whether you want a swinger’s event or a quick hook-up in the gay sauna. Just remember to always play safe.

     

    *The app Smooci, mentioned in this post was created by the author 

  • What you should do when you fall in love with a guy that just isn’t interested

    What you should do when you fall in love with a guy that just isn’t interested

    It’s probably more common than we think, but falling in love with someone who doesn’t seem to love you back is painful.

    (C) BIGSTOCK

    We spoke to counsellor Daniel Browne who told us just because things haven’t progressed in the way that you might have hoped doesn’t mean that he’s not necessarily into you.

    He told us, “Being into someone who doesn’t reciprocate those feelings can be crushing. However, because things haven’t gone further with this incredible looking, funny guy it doesn’t mean that he’s not into you. Perhaps he likes to take things at a slower pace and get to know someone before he becomes intimate with them.

    “Maybe he’s absolutely into you but is not ready to take the next step yet. Of course, it is possible that he doesn’t have the same feelings for you that you have for him.

    Is it possible to be friends rather than lovers?

    Browne continues, “If that’s the case, then it sounds like you’ve made a great friend and that’s something to treasure. Give this relationship time and see where it goes. If it doesn’t develop into something more than friendship then as upsetting as that may be, you do have that companionship to enjoy. If it does develop into something more intimate, that’s something you can equally enjoy and it will have been worth the wait”.

     

  • DILEMMA | I’ve fallen in love with a guy who doesn’t seem interested

    DILEMMA | I’ve fallen in love with a guy who doesn’t seem interested

    A reader falls in love with a guy who is giving off mixed signals. We ask some of our writers to give their best advice.

    (C) BIGSTOCK

    Dear TGUK

    “I’m so confused. I’ve met this guy online and we’ve met a couple of times. He even invited me to his place to sleep over – in his bed – but he rolled over as soon as we got in and fell fast asleep.

    I’m really into him, but I’m not sure he’s into me. He pays compliments and tells me I’m hot but when it feels like something more intimate might happen, I feel like I’m getting shunned. 

    He’s incredible looking and funny and I’d really like a relationship with him – or at the very least have some sex – but not sure what to do next.” IDS: Male, 25, Yorkshire

    Stuart Bird (Motoring Editor)

    Oww sausage. I feel for you. Been there many times but I’ve also been on the other side of it too.

    Attraction is a complex subject. Like the insides of a toaster. They look simple enough but there is a fine line in getting that bread not burned. That simple wiring and dial on the outside do a lot more than we give it credit for. It takes time and experimentation.

    It’s not always the visual they/you see. Sometimes they just aren’t into you. There are times when a relationship is better as a plutonic relationship. Getting into the nitty gritty can sour the good fun.

    Enjoy the fun and flirtations. You never know, it might happen. But if it doesn’t, never mind. You’ll have a fabulous friend for life.

     

    Daniel Browne Columnist and Warwickshire Pride Founder

    Firstly, I feel for you and can totally relate to this situation.

    Being into someone who doesn’t reciprocate those feelings can be crushing. However, because things haven’t gone further with this incredible looking, funny guy it doesn’t mean that he’s not into you. Perhaps he likes to take things at a slower pace and get to know someone before he becomes intimate with them.

    Maybe he’s absolutely into you but is not ready to take the next step yet. Of course, it is possible that he doesn’t have the same feelings for you that you have for him. If that’s the case, then it sounds like you’ve made a great friend and that’s something to treasure. Give this relationship time and see where it goes. If it doesn’t develop into something more than friendship then as upsetting as that may be, you do have that companionship to enjoy. If it does develop into something more intimate, that’s something you can equally enjoy and it will have been worth the wait.

    What do you think? Have your say in the comments below.

    Have you got a sexual health or emotional dilemma to ask us? Click here

  • Proof that money can find you love and it’s damn expensive

    Proof that money can find you love and it’s damn expensive

    How much does it cost to find that someone special? Your gonna need a bigger cheque book.

    (C) BIGSTOCK

    We literally have no hope.

    According to a 2017 poll, it takes people over five years of dating before they decided to tie-the-knot. Over the course of those years, the average person spends $20,276 (£16,320) on dating.

    The new survey of 1,000 married people across the country conducted by art event planners Paint Nite also found that people spent, on average, nearly five and a half years out on the dating scene before getting hitched – shelling out an average of $43.50 per date.

    The most common dating activity is going to dinner (88 percent), followed by going to the movies (63 percent), lunch (39 percent), taking a walk (38 percent) and making a meal and spending time at home (38 percent).

    As for the ideal date, dinner and movies topped the list once again, followed by taking a walk, travelling and sightseeing. Three out of four people would rather enjoy a sedentary date such as dinner and movies over active/interactive or outdoor dates – with only 10 percent saying they like to play sports while out with their other half or a new love prospect.

    When it comes to landing dates, a quarter have picked up a prospect in a bar or a nightclub, one in five have used online dating sites, and 35 percent have been set up by friends and colleagues.

    Sixty-five percent of respondents think the best way to greet a date is with a simple hi or hello, while almost two in five advocates a hug and 30 percent recommend a handshake.

    “Making a great impression on a first date, whether that means covering the bill, a warm greeting or simply picking an interesting activity, can make all the difference in the early days of a relationship,’ explains Courtney Osgood of Paint Nite, a company that arranges art-themed nights at pubs and wine bars. ‘Mixing it up, and trying something new can also keep the spark alive between a seasoned couple.”

    As for who should shell out on the first date, more than half think that the man should cover the bill, while just one percent of respondents thought the woman should pay the tab. Twenty-three percent of respondents said it should actually be the person who asked for the date who should pay.

    More than 40 percent of respondents say that they decide who will pay before the date even happens, while 24 percent say they figure things out when the bill comes.

    One in five men admits to pulling the pretending-to-stretch trick on a date, while 22 percent of both men and women admit to touching an arm or a knee of their date to make a move.

    Top keys to the best first impression on a date
    1.    Good manners
    2.    An attractive appearance
    3.    A smile
    4.    Great personality
    5.    A sense of humour

    Top date turn-offs
    1.    Bad manners/Offensive/Rude
    2.    Bad breath
    3.    Too negative
    4.    Burping out loud/other bodily noises
    5.    Unattractive physical appearance
    6.    Inappropriate/tight clothing
    7.    Talks too much
    8.    Indecisiveness
    9.    Too much make-up
    10.   Lack of confidence

  • THE UNDATEABLE GAY | Goes Speed Dating

    THE UNDATEABLE GAY | Goes Speed Dating

    “After his first question, ‘Which is your favourite train model?’ (I kid you not), we sat in silence. I don’t think he was impressed with my answer. I told him my favourite train was Thomas. Before the bell rang to signal the end of the three minutes, he had already got up and left the date”

    I don’t know why I didn’t think of it years ago. I’ve tried Grindr, Plenty of Fish and various other dating apps. I’ve attempted blind dates, set up by well-meaning friends. I’ve even turned my hand, or should that be legs, to bike rides in the country. All to no avail.

    So I saw an advert for speed dating in Leicester Square and decided I had nothing to lose. Other than a clock load of three minutes.

    I came to the conclusion that even I couldn’t go wrong with speed dating. Only three minutes with each man. Surely even I couldn’t show myself up in that time frame.

    This will come as no surprise to my friends, family or avid followers of this column, but I had a Savvy B to calm my nerves and give me a drop of Dutch courage. A rather large drop of Dutch courage. I say a glass, it was actually a bottle.

    The bell rang and it was time for my first three-minute date. I was at a table with a rather handsome man, who at a guess, I would place in his early forties. He had such beautiful eyes, I felt myself start to swoon. I believed I was about to meet my perfect man.

    Well, let me tell you this, whoever coined the phrase, looks can be deceiving deserves a medal. He opened his mouth to tell me his name was Derek. He had a voice which only the word monotone could be used to describe. Trainspotter springs to mind.

    After his first question, “Which is your favourite train model?” (I kid you not), we sat in silence. I don’t think he was impressed with my answer. I told him my favourite train was Thomas. I mean, I was only joking but he had obviously had a sense of humour bypass. Before the bell rang to signal the end of the three minutes, he had already got up and left the date. RUDE. Things can only get better. I hoped.

    I’d never been so grateful to hear a bell in my life. Well, apart from dinner time back in primary school. I was a fat kid, what can I say? I got up and moved to my next victim. Whoops, I mean man.

    I found myself sat opposite another handsome man. But I told myself not to judge a book by its cover after my first failure. Wait until you hear him speak, I heard a voice in my head tell me. And when he did, I fell in love. He was very posh, well-spoken and far from monotone.

    He asked me a question about my occupation and as my gob opened, I saw an eyebrow raise on his boat race. Our voices and accents couldn’t be any more opposite. He clearly came from Barnes and me from Staines.

    “It’s like being on a date with a character from EastEnders!” I kid you not, those were the exact words that left his mouth. I would have raised my eyebrows too, but after botox, I struggle to perform this action.

    He was clearly put off by the way I spoke so instead of raising my eyebrows, I raised my arse from the seat and finished the date prematurely. Third time lucky I hoped as the bell rang again.

    I clutched onto my glass of Savvy B and decided it WOULD be third time lucky. I may be the unluckiest gay in the dating world but I would never lose my optimism. PMA. Positive mental attitude. I’m going to have it etched on my gravestone.

    I sat down at the next table, well I say sat. I’d had a few glasses of New Zealand plonk by this point, so the word stumble is a more appropriate description of how I travelled to my seat. I soon sobered up as I clapped eyes on my next potential beau. DING FUCKING DONG.

    It was a refreshing joy to finally meet a VERY handsome man who seemed reasonably normal. And we seemed to hit it off like a house on fire. We laughed together and he even asked me out for a drink after the speed dating had finished. Maybe the undateable gay’s curse is finally lifting. WATCH THIS SPACE…

  • Here are the nation’s biggest turn offs

    Wondering why you’re not getting that second date? Have you checked your breath?

    What are the nation's biggest turn offs?

    A new study has revealed that it takes a potential suitor just 15 minutes to access whether they want that all important second date with you – and there are three things that count more than anything else. Your stinky breath. Your loudness. Your ex.

    Apparently, 60 percent of us think that someone having bad breath is enough to cancel any notions of a second date with them – followed by being loud and obnoxious (59%) and banging on about an ex (51%)

    Two thousand people were surveyed by the world’s largest dating app, badoo, and asked about their thoughts about dating.

    It takes the average person just 13 seconds to decide if they are attracted to someone and a two-hour dinner and drinks date was the best way to get to know someone properly.

    The study also found two-thirds of daters think people have lost the art of conversation due to busy schedules and relying too heavily on online communication, meaning face-to-face dating has become more difficult than ever. As such, more than half of those polled find themselves struggling to engage in relaxed dialogue when meeting someone for the first time.

    Gaston Tourn, CMO of Badoo, commented, “Despite us living in a digital age, a real life one-on-one date is always going to be the best way to see if sparks fly and the conversation flows. The clock is on for those first 15 minutes for people to show off their true personalities.”

    Gaston continues: “Our biggest aim is to get people offline and meeting face-to-face, so we’re actually launching Badoo Live, a live streaming feature this summer, to encourage real-life interactions and more genuine connections. We don’t just care about swiping or matches – we care about real life dates – the rest is up to you!”

    The research showed that some things are better left unsaid, with ‘the ex’ being the ultimate no-go area of conversation for singletons. 59 per cent of adults say you should never talk about sexual past, while 39 per cent say discussions shouldn’t touch upon starting a family immediately.

    Those who are obsessed with social media, constantly check their phone throughout the date and those who act loud and obnoxiously can also expect not to hear back from a potential suitor.

    So what are the 50 biggest turns off?

    1. Bad breath from not brushing teeth
    2. Being loud and obnoxious
    3. Banging on about an ex-partner
    4. Sweating profusely
    5. Constantly checking their phone
    6. They talk politics all evening
    7. Chewing gum loudly
    8. Social-media obsessed
    9. Vaping indoors/at the table
    10. They spend the date blowing their own trumpet
    11. Texting or taking a call on the date
    12. Being a bit too touchy-feely
    13. Failing to ask the other person about themselves
    14. They leave you on your own to go for a cigarette
    15. Crying
    16. Having a psycho ex
    17. They conveniently forget their wallet
    18. Talking about mummy or daddy
    19. Talking too much so you can’t get a word in edgeways
    20. Snorting when they laugh
    21. Eating with their mouth full
    22. Over-familiar banter
    23. The use of cheesy chat up lines
    24. Not at least offering or making an attempt to pay the bill
    25. Talking about soap operas like they’re real life
    26. Admitting they have a high / low sex drive
    27. Turning up with a poem in hand
    28. Weird mannerisms such as blinking too much or a jiggling leg
    29. A terrible first kiss
    30. Being too keen too quickly
    31. They drink several alcoholic beverages in the first hour
    32. Boasting about their job
    33. They’re wearing a bizarre choice of clothing
    34. Not offering to go halves on the bill
    35. They agree with everything you say
    36. Having a yin-yang tattoo
    37. They’re either way to tall or short for you
    38. They constantly clear their throat
    39. Talking about body image or size
    40. Laughing too loudly at jokes
    41. They make loads of trips to the toilet
    42. Being overly complementary
    43. They use a toothpick
    44. Admitting they like reality TV
    45. They have a weird laugh
    46. Being a veggie/vegan
    47. Opening up too much
    48. Bad shoes
    49. Admitting they still live at home
    50. Suggesting seeing a boring rom-com at the cinema
  • Is it rude to stare at a body part of someone you fancy?

    Is it rude to stare at a body part of someone you fancy?

    “It’s normal to check people out. That’s attraction. Just don’t be creepy about it.”

    luxstorm / Pixabay

    We’ve all found ourselves there right? A guy who is unbelievably hot and you catch yourself staring. But what if you have a particular fixation on one part of the body – like his legs. This guy asked the internet whether it was rude to stare at some guy’s legs. He asked whether it was the equivalent of straight guys staring at boobs. Here’s what the Internet had to say.

    composita / Pixabay

    It’s rude, to stare. Glances are ok. Just drink plenty of water.  (VIA)

    Honestly, I’d be more flattered if I caught you staring at my butt. (VIA)

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    The difference between boobs and legs is that no one would really think anything weird if you’re caught looking at someone’s legs vs boobs. Especially a guy looking at another guys leg. (VIA)

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    It’s normal to check people out. That’s attraction. Just don’t be creepy about it. (VIA)

    I’ve found that I could do it pretty subtlety. And the fact that is was not something you would normally look at on a guy especially as a guy would give me a few extra seconds to look. (VIA)

    A stealthy glance is the way to go. I just avoid the temptation to follow with eye contact, cause then it would be like I was screaming obvious. (VIA)

  • What is ghosting and why does it happen?

    What is ghosting and why does it happen?

    This brave new world of ours is full of terms and acronyms, but what does Ghosting mean?

    In a world where there’s an acronym or term for everything, Ghosting is where a guy you’ve been chatting to on an app, or even have hooked up with, simply doesn’t return your messages or calls. Not even a tag…

    That’s right, you’ve put in the time, even gone to dinner and then, without explanation he’s gone into the night, like a ghost. Never to be heard of again.

    Bastard.

    What is ghosting? what does ghosting mean?
    pedrofigueras / Pixabay What is ghosting?

    Why does ghosting happen?

    There could be a number of reasons why a guy might suddenly stop messaging you. Perhaps he wasn’t totally up front with you about his personal circumstances, he could be married or in another relationship.

    [totalpoll id=”126850″]

    It could be something you said that really offended him or it could be that he said something that totally embarrassed him, and he’s too ashamed to speak to you again.

    Where can ghosting happen?

    The crazy thing about ghosting is that it can happen IRL and virtually. You can be ghosted on dating apps or on social media. On Grindr, we’ve found that ghosting is quite common. In a recent survey, we found that 88% of Grindr users had said that they had been ghosted on the app.

    Why does ghosting happen?
    StockSnap / Pixabay

    If he’s gone off social media or his dating profile is no longer active, then something even more final could have happened. The problem is that you’ll never know.

    [totalpoll id=”126852″]

    The best thing is to be happy for the time you had together and move on. Don’t live in the past, look to the future.

    Is Ghosting the same as Zombie-ing?

    What is Zombie-ing

    Although they are linked, Ghosting and Zombie-ing are different. Zombie-ing is where your ghost, the one that you thought you’d never hear from again, suddenly comes back to life and starts wanting to hang out again. Let’s face it Zombie’s and Ghosts should be ignored and your attention should be focused on the land of the living.

  • Dating As A Gay Muslim: No fats? No Femmes? No Asians?

    Dating As A Gay Muslim: No fats? No Femmes? No Asians?

    Being a gay Muslim of South-Asian descent I often find some sort of prejudice within the gay community when it comes to dating and hooking up.

    rawpixel / Pixabay

    I noticed it especially when I started using the apps. The apps are great, you can be as specific as you want and really filter down to find what you are looking for. There are also a number of different apps to cater for specific gay communities and labels. They are also a great way of realising how picky you can be when it comes to what you want. A lot of people are open-minded and others are very upfront with their requirements.

    After getting past my initial bombardment of unsolicited photos, I started looking through profiles until I found someone I was interested in. He looked great and the start of his profile was funny. But that’s when I saw it. He specifically stated he didn’t want Asians, wanted the guy to be smooth and wanted him to be slim. All of the things I am not in other words. I was hurt in some way from reading this, but quickly shrugged it off and said to myself that the views of one person shouldn’t make me feel bad. I moved on to the next guy, whose profile was blank, and messaged him. He replied that he wasn’t looking for Asians as well. I took this in one of two ways. He was genuinely not looking for Asians, or using it as an excuse to end the conversation early. Again I shrugged it off, I can’t change my ethnicity so why bother myself with people who are being prejudiced against me. I did find a lot of people who were interested and we had some conversation that either led to something or didn’t. Such is the nature of the apps I found.

    But it got me thinking, is it prejudice or racism. I mean we all have our types, myself included, but I don’t feel the need to implicitly tell people that I don’t want a specific skin colour. I am open-minded, and my main criterion is someone with kind eyes. It sounds funny, but I am drawn to eyes and how they can convey a lot about people. I understand that these guys who put their requirements are doing so to ward off any unwanted attention, and to help them find what they are looking for faster. But is that really the case? I tested this out and put my requirements based on my current mood, and I found a handful of matches. When I saw these select few it made me realise that I didn’t particularly feel drawn to any of them. I went back to my more open requirements and felt instantly better. But that is just how I am, these people who don’t want fats, femmes or Asians know what they want, and that is their choice. It would be easy for me to judge them, but then again should they not be allowed to seek what they want?

    One interaction that really threw me off was when a guy messaged me saying he doesn’t usually go for Asians, but I would be an exception. That is when I genuinely got angry at the comment he made. It implied that I am acceptable even though I am Asian, and that he deems me worthy of his attention. I rightly put him down for that comment and ended the conversation there. He blocked me, which was to be expected, but had he not I would have blocked him and his pointed views out of my life anyway. Other interactions have had people ask me where I was born, as they don’t want people who weren’t born in the UK or don’t speak English without an accent. Again, I have no time for these people. They are trying to cover up their prejudice towards immigrants by making it out that they are just having a normal conversation.

    This isn’t to say I haven’t found people from the apps, as I have had a number of dates. What it is saying is that people shouldn’t feel bad if they find prejudice within the apps. They should ask themselves if they would want to be with someone like that, and if they do then that is fine. But you never know what you might find when you venture out of your preferences. I know I have been surprised and learned more about myself when I have ventured out. So for any profile out there that states ‘no Asians,’ I’m sorry but you are missing out. We are amazing.

  • Here’s the 12 mistakes you’re probably making on your dating profile

    Here’s the 12 mistakes you’re probably making on your dating profile

    Not getting the responses you want from your dating profile perhaps there’s something you’re doing wrong. We asked our readers what were the most common mistakes they found on a guy’s profiles on dating sites and hook up apps.

    1) Too Much, Too Soon.

    Nothing says, “I’m serious about dating and maybe actually finding love online” than a picture of you, a sling and four of your most intimate friends using a power tool you could dig up pavements with. A bit of showmanship never hurt anyone, but laying it all out like it’s on a butcher’s block doesn’t scream “I’m all about the exclusivity” does it?

    2) No Fats, Femmes Or Rice.

    I mean just who do you think you are? Say what you like in a man, not what you don’t. Start the conversation positive rather than flood your online space with negativity. Plus don’t be a racist, fatist, internalised homophobic douche.

    3) The Game Stops Here.

    Don’t play endless games, it’s no longer the 90s. Throw away the dating self-help books that tell you, a) not to call after 6 pm, b) not to accept dates the day before, and c) to only ever show him the bedroom after the wedding day. Not only is it a massive waste of your time but let’s be honest it’s time when you could actually be jumping each other’s bones. Playing games is manipulative and no one is looking for a nasty lover, unless of course, you’re Janet Jackson.

    4) Be Yourself.

    Honesty is the best policy. Shane Greene from dating site AllMale says, “Do not try to be something you’re not, just be yourself. The possibility of finding a match online leads some men to detach from what makes them who they are offline. Many men new to online dating “beef up” their profiles with details that aren’t true hoping to somehow be better than they already are naturally.”

    This may seem like a cool idea but these men quickly realise they will be attracting men who are interested in their online persona and not who they really are. You want someone who is interested in what you actually are. That requires you to be honest and accurate about yourself from the very start.”

    5) I just can’t deal…

    No one likes a killjoy – stop complaining that you can’t find a date / don’t earn enough / what a douche your ex is / even your cat hates you. A dating profile is an advert. It’s about selling yourself as someone who is a stable, coherent, fun-to-be-around, loveable guy. Be smart, funny and tell us the good things about you.

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  • Let’s face it, would you really want to join this Pro-Trump dating site anyway?

    Trump Dating Site Bans Gays, Invites Straight And Married People

    Supporters of President Donald Trump got another place to find love with the launch of a new website – Trump.dating. The website launched in February helps people find friends and partners. However, it allows only straight men. (more…)