THEGAYUK

Tag: Four Star Film Review

The latest four-star film review from THEGAYUK.

  • FILM REVIEW | Jumanji: Welcome To The Jungle

    JUMANJI: WELCOME TO THE JUNGLE – A modern version of the book and 22-year-old Robin Williams family favourite movie original now in up to date computer game stylee featuring studs The Rock and Nick Jonas.

    Nutshell – Four very different teenagers get zapped into the former jungle board game, now all modern and digitised to the hi-tech gaming world. They have to work through the levels and team up to escape meanwhile their numbers of lives are diminishing fast. The key is that the avatar characters they are in the game are entirely different and even the opposite sex from the ones they are in the outside world. Comedy chaos is the obvious result as the wildlife and baddies attack in ever increasing numbers of mayhem. Pure family fun with added sweating bulging man muscle.

    Running Time – 119 minutes

    Certificate – 12A.

    Tagline – ‘The Game Has Evolved’.

    THEGAYUK Factor – This is so good as you get two of the hottest men around from opposite spectrums. For the muscle and masculine fans, you get the largest man on the planet Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson and also the sexiest young pop star around the oh so doable Nick Jonas. Both show tonnes of skin and they sweat all the way through.

    Cast – Johnson and Jonas lead the eye candy, but you also get the comedy genius of Jack Black, the UK’s very own Karen Gillan who has done so well for herself since stepping out of the Tardis plus Kevin Hart, Bobby Cannavale and Flight Of The Conchords Rhys Darby.

    Key Player – Jack Black steals yet another movie. Here in the game, he is a geeky middle-aged man but he is inhabited by a sexy mobile phone addicted brainless school slutty girl, and this is manor from heaven for our favourite short-assed comedy genius.

    Budget – $90 Million and it is all on the screen. By New Years Day it had already made twice that back in the USA alone – worldwide over $350 Million, so obviously this is the family film that everyone wanted who is not into the activities in a galaxy far far away. Hopefully, we will get loads of sequels with Dwayne topless in all of them.

    Best Bit – 1.17 mins; Not an action scene but proof that the winning factor here is the characters chemistry. The slutty airhead girl has to teach the virgin geek girl how to flirt with two guards to cause a much-needed distraction, and it is the best comedy sequence by far, and you will scream at the transformation – think Sandy in the final sequence from Grease done for comedy value.

    Worst Bit – 1.22 mins; The big action sequence with a dangerous helicopter chase with very dodgy King Kong style CGI and highly unrealistic pieces helicopters cannot fly sideways even in video games guys!

    Little Secret – This is not shot in Africa but the same Hawaii locations as many of our favourites such as Jurassic Park and the TV series Lost and it looks like it. There are endless references to the Robin Williams’ character and the first film and no doubt that will increase in the inevitable sequels. Rather than the obvious Guns and Roses welcome song being used as the theme tune the leads offered to sing it instead which is not new for Jack Black and Jonas but is a new venture for Johnson, Hart and Gillan. Of course, this is the second film starring The Rock called Welcome To The Jungle so be careful if searching online for it.

    Further Viewing – Jumanji, The Legend Of Tarzan, Tomb Raider, Romancing The Stone, Tron, Raiders Of The Lost Ark, The Jungle Book, George Of The Jungle basically anything with the word Jungle…

    Any Good – That Box Office does not lie. A lot of it will be from good word of mouth. This should have been a CGI car crash but due to the characters outside the game picking the opposite character types in the game which is a comedy masterstroke seeing The Rock as a wimp and Hart as the sidekick etc. we get a hilarious action adventure, and the casting is spot on. This film won’t change your life but you will be an awful lot happier from seeing it, and boy Dwayne’s body just seems to be getting bigger and hotter. Just imagine that shagging you in bed.

    Rating – 71% out of 100.

  • FILM REVIEW | Daddy’s Home 2

    DADDY’S HOME 2 – The relatively unwanted sequel to the standard 2015 family comedy but STOP PRESS, shock horror this is really good – hell has just frozen over and pigs are landing at Heathrow & Gatwick.

    Nutshell – The modern family two fathers one mother is ramped up a notch by the arrival of the stars two hugely different dads in Mel Gibson and John Lithgow and obviously comic mayhem soon follows. Now what makes this so much better than the original is the decision to make it a full on Christmas movie. It is happy, funny, entertaining and hugely engaging only diminished by association with its average predecessor movie which may put of some. As a standalone this is great.

    Running Time – 100 minutes; Certificate – 12A.

    Tagline – ‘More Daddies, More Problems’

    THEGAYUK Factor – The muscle hunk Marky Mark Wahlberg himself just oozes sex appeal and here he plays the hard real man to Ferrell’s weaker boy which is hot. Mel Gibson has the DILF thing down for sure and reeks of someone here who probably bats for both sides but best of all you get everyone’s favourite WWE wrestling sex god John Cena known in true horny fashion as The Marine.

    Cast – Will Ferrell, Mark Wahlberg, Mel Gibson, John Lithgow, John Cena’s ass, John Cena’s bulging packet, John Cena’s huge muscles, John Cena’s massive chest and some women actors too.

    Key Player – This is the boys’ film, Wahlberg is Exec Producer and Ferrell is the main Producer and they just do these movies for fun apparently which is infectious as that is what comes out of the screen. Everyone seems to be having a laugh rather than there for the paycheck Cumberbatch, Affleck or Hardy style.

    Budget – $69 Million way up on the first film and boy was that a good move with it making its costs back in two days and now sailing way over $100 million and off towards the top 250 grossing films of all time list at a rapid rate of knots.

    Best Bit – 1.02 mins; The destruction of a live model nativity scene and post-fight is a real hoot and great set-piece but this movie is much more about small jokes than big slapstick moments. Do people really dress up as nativity statues – that’s a new one on us.

    Worst Bit – 0.33 mins; A snowblower goes haywire and destroys a never-ending set of outdoor Christmas lights and then property and vehicles just like the motorbike in the original. Too slapstick and overlong and a bit childish here in a film where the kids are away getting pissed on eggnog and shooting guns.

    Little Secret – Mel Gibson plays Mark Wahlberg’s father. although he is only fifteen years older than him cue greying up Gibson’s hair and softening Marky Mark’s but who cares. Originally the two dad’s were going to be Chevy Chase and Robert De Niro which would have been about as successful as a Trump presidency or Prince Harry getting the stag-do he actually wants.

    Further Viewing – Daddy’s Home 1, All four of the Meet The Focker‘s canon, The Anchormans , Blades Of Glory, Elf and Mel Gibson’s previous comedic roles in The Lethal Weapons and What Women Want as he has great comedy timing – who knew Mad Max had a budding Robin Williams, Jim Carrey in him all along.

    Any Good – This won’t win any Awards in the next 3 months of the trophy season but it is just truly great fun and a very happy film with loads of great Christmas music and may even see Band Aid back in the charts for the 5th time. A massive step up from a film that originally just got lucky with a clever release date counterbalancing a Star Wars film two years back. It’s now a winning franchise to follow and one of the biggest and nicest surprises of the year as it should have been a shit cash in but instead, it delivers on every level and some.

    Rating – 74% out of 100.

  • FILM REVIEW | Beach Rats

    ★★★★ |  Beach Rats

    A young man plays it very cool with his friends while he hides his true sexuality in the new film Beach Rats.

    19-year old Frankie (Harris Dickinson) lives with his mother and dying father in Brooklyn, New York. His mother constantly nags him to get a job but he spends his days doing drugs and hanging out with his gang of homeboys. They are all very macho and straight and while away the hours hanging out on the boardwalk and chatting up local girls. But what they don’t know about Frankie is that he secretly spends his time on gay hookup sites and meets other men at a local cruising spot for sex.

    There is one girl, however, from the neighbourhood (Madeline Weinstein) who he hooks up with – he really likes her and she really likes him, but expectedly it doesn’t go anywhere. And when he gets involved in an incident with his friends that involves a gay man his life suddenly takes a turn.

    UK born Dickinson is very good as Frankie. He nails down the accent and the attitude almost perfectly. With no previous film credits, he’s a natural and very compelling to watch on the big screen (and boy is he sexy)! Director Eliza Hittman gets almost everything right in this film, with the exception of the last 20 minutes that gets a bit too unbelievable. But it’s Dickinson you’ll remember when the screen credits go up. He’s on to bigger and better things.

  • FILM REVIEW | Body Electric

    ★★★★ | Body Electric

    Life is one big party for the characters in the new film Body Electric.

    Elias (a sexy Keiner Macedo) is the assistant manager in a factory somewhere in Brazil. He’s only 23 and quite young to hold such a responsible job, but his female boss, who is always jet-setting from here to there on business, trusts Elias completely to run the factory while she’s gone. It’s a factory that makes clothes, and Elias sees his fellow employees not just as co-workers but as friends, and they all spend lots of time hanging out with each other after work and on weekends.

    They’re all friends, very close friends. And when a new employee starts work at the factory, a West African man called Fernando (Welket Bungue), Elias welcomes him into the fold and nothing much changes for these happy-go-lucky group of people who work hard and play much much harder.

    And play is just what Elias likes to do. He’s openly gay at work and in his personal life, and there appears to be no issue with his colleagues when he takes up with fellow young co-worker Wellington (Lucas Andrade). Wellington introduces Elias to a gaggle of drag queens with a queen bee who wonders out loud where all the fabric Wellington and Elias brought to them comes from. But it doesn’t matter for these folks, life is one big party, and with that comes alcohol and sex.

    In Body Electric, director Marcelo Caetano relies on lots of lingering shots to portray his cast in ways that make them look and feel so real, it, at times makes you feel like you’re eavesdropping on their lives, and loves. But Body Electric is all about Elias and how happy he is, and how happy his co-workers are who toil away at the factory day in and day out, and we are very happy for all of them.

    Available to buy from Amazon

  • FILM REVIEW | Thor Ragnarok

    THOR RAGNAROK – The Third official Thor film stays largely in outer space this time and is all the better for it and this time he has the Hulk for company too.

    Nutshell – Our hero loses a battle against his evil Sister Hela and is imprisoned across the galaxy with evil brother Loki (What a family!) on a gladiatorial planet where his next opponent is a truly p*ssed off Incredible Hulk his former Avenger mate. He has to escape the inescapable planet, travel 100,000 miles and defeat the uber b*tch to save his home planet of Asgard but he is way too late and whose side is Loki actually on?

    Running Time – 130 minutes; Certificate – 12A.

    Tagline – ‘No Hammer, No Problem’ yes the big hunk of spunk loses his massive weapon for the whole of this movie.

    THEGAYUK Factor – Chris Hemsworth taking his shirt off over and over again here and his body is better than ever. This Aussie studfukka is top of most guys wank bank list just ahead of his equally hot younger brother (see below) and you get Idris Elba too here in a very very tight top.

    Cast – Chris ‘Come to bed eyes’ Hemsworth aided and abetted by a bunch of superstars including Tom Hiddleston, Cate Blanchett, Mark Ruffalo, Idris Elba, Anthony Hopkins, Jeff Goldblum, Benedict Cumberbatch now that is one serious cast and a huge load of hot talent.

    Key Player – The whole cast of Guardians Of The Galaxy‘s 1 & 2 who have added humour to the Marvel Universe without getting cheesy. The massive success of those 2 movies since the last muddled Thor film are present in the ingredients here; this film is so funny and comes out like Guardians 3 and that is a very good thing indeed…now if we can only get the Guardian’s Chris Pine and Hemsworth in the same film we will never watch gay porn again.

    Budget – $180 Million as there is no such thing as a cheap Marvel or DC Comic film these days as they all make huge amounts of cash (Unless they are called The Fantastic Four). This will make as much as any of them and set up next May’s Avengers Civil War which could easily be the biggest film of all time.

    Best Bit – 0.49 mins; The big gladiatorial battle been Thor and Hulk finally kicks off and boy is it good and with real threat as Hulk is a real bad boy here. The battle looks really nasty and Thor seems like a real gonna. Don’t be late as the pre-credits action scene in Ragnaroks hell-like dungeon is just as good.

    Worst Bit – 0.14 mins; The pointless and overly stylised appearance of Doctor Strange (Benedict Cumberbatch) is just unnecessary and comes over like showboating by Marvel studios which sometimes seem a bit cameo happy.

    Little Secret – On the subject of cameos in one scene where we get Matt Damon, Sam Neill and Chris Hemsworth’s hot sexy little brother Liam Hemsworth all appear. Thor’s hammer is smashed here and he doesn’t get it back and won’t it is gone for good. The original Hammer destruction scene was meant to be in New York with Brisbane standing in and can be seen in the trailers but the director changed it to a random field at a later date in re-shoots which is what makes it into the film.

    Further Viewing – Guardians 1 & 2 and anything else from the Marvel universe to start with but as this is the comic book film set entirely in space it also reeks of the Star Wars prequels too which is definitely no bad thing so try The Phantom Menace, Attack of the Clones and Revenge of the Sith also.

    Any Good – This is a very good Marvel film and a step up from Wonder Woman and Doctor Strange and it is also the best Thor chapter yet. You get Thor with sexy long hair and even sexier short hair all for your £8 ticket price. Yet It is the humour that makes it special of course there is a tonne of action and visual effects but Thor sure owes those Guardians a drink or two.

    Rating – 80% out of 100.

     

    Pre-Order from Amazon | iTunes

  • FILM REVIEW | Kingsman: The Golden Circle

    KINGSMAN: THE GOLDEN CIRCLE – The camp as Christmas Jason Bourne/James Bond piss take is back for number two with big laughs, endless extreme bloodshed and more anal sex jokes again.

    FILM REVIEW | Kingsman: The Golden Circle

    Nutshell – Eggsy and the sexy as fu*k Merlin (The shaggable Mark Strong) go on the run after Julianne Moore and her henchmen totally destroy the Kingsman spy organisation. So it’s off to Kentucky in the USA to meet the even bigger and better Statesmen organisation of great looking spies like Channing Tatum and Halle Berry, cue car chases galore, gadgets, robo attack dogs and the kidnap of Elton John via Glastonbury, The Alps and Cambodia in the sequel twice as explosive as the first.

    Running Time – 141 minutes;

    Certificate – 15.

    Tagline – ‘Reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated
    The Gay UK Factor – Taron Egerton – fit, Mark Strong – masculine, Pedro Pascal – Hairy Latin stud, Channing Tatum – Uber fit and loads of other thugs and good guys that no-one would kick out of bed – this is a true wank fest.

    Cast – Egerton, Strong, Pascal and Tatum are backed up by Colin Firth (didn’t he die in the first one?), Keith Allen, Julianne Moore, Halle Berry, Michael Gambon, Jeff Bridges and Elton John with a real major part so plenty here to keep you occupied – how big will the cast be in part three and will Bennie and Jet the Robodogs be back?

    Key Player – Matthew Vaughan the director and man behind Kick-Ass, The X-men, Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels, Eddie The Eagle etc is a master at mixing light content with bouts of extreme gore and action and he has the perfect vehicle here. He also writes the film here alongside Jane Goldman (Mrs Jonathon Ross) and their endless invention is here for all to see and boy is it giving the fans what they want.

    Budget – $104 Million way up on the first film and its cash registers are ringing like crazy making that back in just 5 days so it is off into the land of mega profit from now. This is a big hit and some.

    Best Bit – 1.31 mins; A breathtaking assault on an Alpine mountaintop stronghold climaxing in a truly stunning cable car sequence one of the best action beats of the year and it even beats the opening London Taxi fight/chase which is as good as any sequence of the Summer but the film just gets better as it goes on .

    Worst Bit – 0.21 mins; Julianne Moore as the bad guy who has a thing for Grease style 1950’s Americana and her HQ is a Fonzie/Happy Days style diner is just not nasty enough even though she does have a mean trick of putting her enemies through a burger mincer – she is a bit like a fourth division Bond villain when we needed a nasty as f*ck Blofeld type.

    Little Secret – There just having fun here but this movie stars a mega five Oscar winners in Firth, Berry, Moore, Bridges and Elton the latter for The Lion King. The original film length was over 3 hours 40 minutes which would have made it the longest blockbuster of the Millenium and beating Titanic/Avatar & any Lord Of The Rings film until the Studio insisted on cuts. This is Elton’s 21st acting credit and by far his biggest, he has starred in everything from SpiceWorld, Tommy and Bob The Builder in the past but here he gets to kick butt instead of shagging it.

    Further Viewing – Kingsman 1, James Bond circa Roger Moore, Spy, Austin Powers, The Bourne Identity, Kick-Ass, Carry On Spying and The Johnny English films.

    Any Good – Matthew Vaughn said if you didn’t like the first one you are gonna really hate this one and likewise we believe the converse is just as correct. More of the same just bigger and brasher all in all not as good as the number one but isn’t that normal with sequels.

    Rating – 69% out of 100.

  • FILM REVIEW | Borg vs McEnroe

    ★★★★ | Borg vs McEnroe

    FILM REVIEW | Borg vs McEnroe

    1980 was the year that Swede Bjorn Borg competed against American John McEnroe for the Wimbledon men’s championship, and what a game it was. The new film “Borg vs McEnroe” totally captures this exciting match.

    Not only does the film capture, in very good detail, the match to end all matches, it also goes deep into the lives of both men, their upbringing, their careers as the world’s top tennis players, as well as their relationships with others. However, this being a Swedish production, the film mostly focuses on Borg (played by a practical look-a-like in Sverrir Gudnason). McEnroe, played by Shia LaBeouf, is also very good as the bad boy of tennis which almost mirrors LaBeouf’s offscreen behaviour.

    We see Bjorg as young man (played by his own son Leo) in the city where he grew up and started playing tennis against a wall near his home; we see him as a successful tennis player, living the life of luxury, high atop a luxurious apartment building in Monaco which he shares with his partner Marianna (Tuva Novotny). She stands by his side and allows him to stay focused on his games, even if that means him being very obsessed with the preparation of each match, and the torment by his parents who have taught him never to be second best. Borg’s relationship with his coach Lennart (an excellent Stellan Skarsgard) is a volatile one, but it’s also like father and son. Meanwhile, McEnroe has demons of his own – his reputation precedes him, and it’s going to be a duel to the finish at the Wimbledon championships as to who’s going to come out the winner.

    Borg vs McEnroe, a multilingual film, ends with the play by play of the 1980 men’s championship final. And if you don’t remember who won, it’s a nail-biting 20 minutes that will keep you on the edge of your seat. And it’s this finale that makes Borg vs McEnroe one of the best sports films since 2013’s racing car film “Rush.” Danish Director Janus Metz keeps the suspense and drama very much alive while writer Ronnie Sandahl expertly crafts the 110-minute movie to include aspects of both champions lives as well as their tennis successes.

  • FILM REVIEW | God’s Own Country

    ★★★★ | God’s Own Country

    In 2005 there was Brokeback Mountain, and in 2017 there is now God’s Own Country.

    Being referred to as a West Yorkshire Brokeback Mountain, God’s Own Country tells the story of a young farmer who works on the family farm and has casual sex with some of the local boys. But when a Romanian migrant worker shows up to help him out on the farm, their working relationship turns into more than just work, changing both their lives. Shot against the beautiful backdrop that is Yorkshire, God’s Own Country is definitely this year’s hottest and most mainstream gay film. Director and writer Francis Lee, in his feature length directorial debut (he has acting credits that go back to 1994), has crafted a gay romance set on a farm, a romance that, when it gets lit, is explosive.

    Josh O’Connor is fantastic as Johnny Saxby, a young man who thinks he has only one purpose in life – the farm. He lives in a house on top of a hill with his grandmother (Gemma Jones) and sick father (Ian Hart). But as his father is unable to participate in the hard daily chores, a Romanian immigrant, and ruggedly handsome, Gheorghe (Alec Secareanu) arrives, and with his arrival comes the romance that we know is going to happen.

    God’s Own Country is not the perfect film, Johnny and Gheorghe’s first stab at having sex, outdoors, right in the middle of the farm, was a bit unbelievable (and it looked cold). And Johnny’s habit of taking presumably straight men into his local pub toilets for sex (that would be every gay man’s fantasy – no?) is far-fetched. But God’s Own Country is beautiful, complex and engaging, and it doesn’t hurt that we get to see both O’Connor and Secareanu naked.

    God’s Own Country has already won several awards, including Best Film at both the Berlin and Edinburgh International Film Festivals as well as the World Cinema Directing Award at Sundance. And it’s gotten rave reviews, with some critics calling it “The British Brokeback Mountain,” but better.

    In cinemas now

     

     

  • FILM REVIEW | Patti Cake$

    ★★★★ | Patti Cake$

    FILM REVIEW | Patti Cake$

    Can a white overweight girl from New Jersey become a rap star? You bet – and her name is “Patti Cake$”.

    Danielle Macdonald plays Patricia Dombrowski, an unemployed 23-year-old who has been given the nickname ‘dumbo’ by her contemporaries.

    There’s very little opportunity for her; she’s been fired from her most recent job, her mum is an alcoholic, her grandmother is confined to a wheelchair, and she’s a dreamer about hitting the big time. But when she gets together with her friends, including pharmacist Jheri (Siddarth Dhananjay), she’s no longer just plain Patricia, she’s Patti Cake$.

    When an opportunity arises for them to enter a rap contest, Patti has doubts, not only because the competition will be fierce, but also because she lacks the confidence which she never got from her own mother (Bridget Everett), who is always trying to show her up. But where there’s a will there’s a way, and Patti and her gang (now called PBNJ) must prove that they’ve got what it takes. And this makes Patti Cake$ a sweet and engrossing tale of a misfit girl who can and will make it.

    Australian Danielle Macdonald is superb as Patti Cake$. She nails it as the rough around the edges but very soft to the core Patti who will have the audience in her corner. Everett also has a showy role as Patti’s mother, always trying to look good for potential male suitors. New Jersey native and music video director Geremy Jasper showcases the real New Jersey in this film and brings us a sweet tale of a girl who has larger than life dreams and tries to make them happen.

     

  • FILM REVIEW | The Big Sick

    The Big Sick | ★★★★

    An unusual romance blossoms between a Muslim comedian and a white American woman in the new light-hearted comedy The Big Sick.

    The not funny title is completely intentional because halfway through the film Emily (Zoe Kazan) gets really sick and falls into a coma. But before this, we see the beginnings of a romance (and the breakup) between her and aspiring comedian Kumail (Kumail Nanjiani). Even though they come from two totally different backgrounds, they fall head over heels with each other after Zoe heckles him at one of his shows. But it’s when Zoe is diagnosed with a mystery illness, and after they break up, that Kumail decides that he really wants to be with Zoe, but he’s got to share her hospital room with her parents (Holly Hunter and Ray Romano, who are both excellent). Meeting her parents for the first time in the hospital tests him and his love for Zoe, but it’s also her parents who have to do some soul searching themselves because they are not quite yet able to accept a Muslim man as their only daughter’s boyfriend. And to make matters worse for Kumail, his family insists he marry a Muslim girl with his mom constantly inviting single Muslim women over for dinner and tells Kumail that ’they happen to be in the neighbourhood.’ Kumail has lots of dilemmas in his life.

    The Big Sick is the true life story of Kumail and his real life wife (Emily V. Gordon), who had become very sick when they were dating, and this is where the story of this film comes from (they co-wrote the script together). Directed by Michael Shwalter, The Big Sick is a very funny and light hearted comedy that will tug at your heartstrings. And it’s Nanjiani (from television’s Silicon Valley) who lays his heart out and lets us in on his real life relationship that has now been turned into a very good romantic comedy.

    Available to order from iTunes and Amazon

  • FILM REVIEW | War For The Planet Of The Apes

    WAR FOR THE PLANET OF THE APES – The third and final part of the revamped ape apocalypse trilogy and this time the humans are definitely the bad guys in an all out battle royale for dominance of the position at the top of the food chain and planetary dominance.

    FILM REVIEW | War For The Planet Of The Apes

    Nutshell – The story of Caeser who we have followed from domesticated scientific experiment to the leader of the ape population in the forests above San Francisco and beyond. After a skirmish where the apes bear insufferable losses they decide on a massive exodus to safer climes. Unfortunately, the humans want the ape threat destroyed for good and a huge new baddie in the burly shape of Woody Harrelson’s The Colonel is in their way leading to the ultimate showdown as the two species go for World War Three.

    Running Time – A bum numbing 140 minutes; Certificate – 12A.

    Tagline – ‘For Freedom, For Family, For The Planet’

    The Gay UK Factor – Unless you are into bestiality or have a thing for bears over at XXL or BRUT hairy men’s clubs then it is down to the humans and luckily there is loads of them and everyone is in uniform. There is a lot of muscle here and it is all sweating and grunting a lot, our top three military men were Chad Rook, Dean Redman and Steve Baran – drop and give us twenty as we will be lying underneath.

    Cast – Woody Harrelson is the main human draw and all the other main actors are green screen/motion capture monkey performers all covered in lycra golf ball suits and digitised out. Lead by Andy Serkis, Tony Kebbell and animal character specialist Steve Zahn.

    Key Player – These are Andy Serkis’s movies and he is almost in every scene here. You start to forget he is a human on a sound stage and get drawn into the incredible emotional arc he goes through here from extreme grief, through anger, leadership, cunning, despair and a trilogy climax that will leave you emotionally wrought.

    Budget – $150 Million the priciest ape film of all time and clearly it has been money well spent judging by its strong Box Office. This title will probably continue somehow in a new direction to keep reaping the cash in.

    Best Bit – 0.15 mins; A great nighttime waterfall fight scene which sets up the events of the whole movie and establishes exactly how much of a total bastard and probably hard shagging top the Colonel is.

    Worst Bit – 0.57mins; The introduction of the biggest new monkey character ‘Bad Ape’ largely for comedy purposes than any plot development is annoying in a poor man’s Gollum sort of way.

    Little Secret – The entire film seems to form a bridge between its obvious predecessors and the original Charlton Heston series of movies from 50 years ago. Names of characters, references to the atomic bomb, production values, the introduction or a de-evolving disease in humans etc all have a purpose in this and pay special attention to the Orang Utang who seems to be the biggest link of all. The attacking soldiers in the big battle here are fully covered from head to toe and the director has indicated that this may be because they are apes which will blow everyone’s concepts apart.

    Further Viewing – There are 8 other ape movies (And a great cartoon TV series) to enjoy or endure depending on which you pick ranging from the superb original in 1968 or alternatively beneath, conquest, dawn, battle, rise or escape basically any verb you choose to put in front of the ‘Planet Of The Apes’ monicker but avoid the Mark Wahlberg one at all costs.

    Any Good – The modern trilogy has been consistently good and this is probably the best yet and the perfect closer to this set of films. We know there will be more probably spin off’s or further tales of other groups but this story is done and Serkis has left the franchise… but as he was a digital character all bets might be off on that.

    Rating – 72% out of 100