THEGAYUK

Tag: Relationships

All the latest breaking news on gay and LGBT relationships. Browse THEGAYUK’s complete collection of news, articles and commentary on relationships.

  • Dear Innocent-Me… What warnings, or advice, would you give your past self on the delightful world of gay dating apps?

    Dear Innocent-Me… What warnings, or advice, would you give your past self on the delightful world of gay dating apps?

    Embed from Getty Images

    Dear Innocent Me,

    I’m going to jump right into this one, partly because I have a word-count to stick to, but also because it’s a pretty important point that I need to discuss with you this time. One of the best parts of having a big gay time machine to contact my younger self through is knowing that I can potentially stop you from making some big mistakes. One way you’re going to make mistakes in the near future is through the fabulous world of mobile dating apps, so listen up, kiddo – it’s about to get real.

    Firstly, even at the age of 25 I’m still somehow

    the naive gay who sees them as Dating Apps – maybe it’s all the musicals, or Julia Roberts movies I’ve seen, that have convinced me love comes first and always wins in the end. However, here’s the truth, a lot of -and perhaps most – guys don’t view or use these apps in this way. For a lot of guys these apps are more about hooking up than they are about dating, and they’re more about sex than they are about love. This will cause some confusion, and a fair bit of wasted time, in conversations you have with guys you envisage as possible suiters. Yes, there will be those guys who are upfront about it from the get go; they’ll ask for pics, or they’ll send pics, or you’ll be greeted with the stunningly eloquent opening question that is, “top or bttm?” You’ll get used to these guys, and you will even get used to explaining that you’re after a little more than they are. It’s the others that really breed confusion – the ones who talk like they want more, staying full Dr Jeckyll until the night hits and Mr Hyde emerges. Let’s cut to the chase, don’t fall for these guys.

    Secondly, remember to always put safety first. Of course, this comes into play just as much in the bedroom as it does on the apps, but I’m referring to the latter now. Avoid being too open and vulnerable on these Apps, maybe even to the extent of not showing your face in your profile picture – it will definitely help to avoid unplanned chance meetings, after all. Other than that it’s all the usual points, no addresses, of course no banking information, and no deep dark confessions to that faceless torso with glistening abs.

    When it gets to the real world part, which it will on more than a few occasions, listen to what your parents have always told you. Strangers = Dangers. Meet in a public, well lit place – and make sure there are people who know your exact plans, that you keep them updated on all the while, of course. There are going to be couple times you don’t follow these rules and you’re pretty lucky nothing bad actually happens, but just FYI they’re super awkward encounters and not worth all of the risk and worry at all.

    Finally, don’t fall for anyone before actually meeting them – this even goes for the good ones you might find. You’re going to do it, and you’re going to feel stupid. At the end of the day dating apps are like Facebook or any other kind of social media, people show what they want you to see, and hide what they don’t. You can’t fall for a concept of a man.

    Yours sincerely,

    Twenty-Five Year Old (Somewhat Regretful) You

     

    Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.

  • You won’t believe the cost to find that someone special

    So, dating is expensive, right? Do you have any clue how much it costs to find that special person nowadays?

    CREDIT: Yastremska-bigstock

    According to a new poll, it takes Americans over five years of dating before they decided to tie-the-knot. Over the course of those years, the average person spends $20,276 (£16,320) on dating.

    The new survey of 1,000 married people across the country conducted by art event planners Paint Nite also found that Americans spend, on average, nearly five and a half years out on the dating scene before getting hitched – shelling out an average of $43.50 per date.

    The most common dating activity is going to dinner, which 88 percent of 1,000 Americans named as one of their top picks, followed by going to the movies (63 percent), lunch (39 percent), taking a walk (38 percent) and making a meal and spending time at home (38 percent).

    As for the ideal date, dinner and movies topped the list once again, followed by taking a walk, travelling and sightseeing. Three out of four people would rather enjoy a sedentary date such as dinner and movies over active/interactive or outdoor dates – with only 10 percent saying they like to play sports while out with their other half or a new love prospect.

    When it comes to landing dates, a quarter have picked up a prospect in a bar or a nightclub, one in five have used online dating sites, and 35 percent have been set up by friends and colleagues.

    Sixty-five percent of respondents think the best way to greet a date is with a simple hi or hello, while almost two in five advocate a hug and 30 percent recommend a handshake.

    “Making a great impression on a first date, whether that means covering the bill, a warm greeting or simply picking an interesting activity, can make all the difference in the early days of a relationship,’ explains Courtney Osgood of Paint Nite, a company that arranges art-themed nights at pubs and wine bars. ‘Mixing it up, and trying something new can also keep the spark alive between a seasoned couple.”

    As for who should shell out on the first date, more than half think that the man should cover the bill, while just one percent of respondents thought the woman should pay the tab. Twenty-three percent of respondents said it should actually be the person who asked for the date who should pay.

    More than 40 percent of respondents say that they decide who will pay before the date even happens, while 24 percent say they figure things out when the bill comes.
    One in five men admits to pulling the pretending-to-stretch trick on a date, while 22 percent of both men and women admit to touching an arm or a knee of their date to make a move.

    Top keys to the best first impression on a date
    1.    Good manners
    2.    An attractive appearance
    3.    A smile
    4.    Great personality
    5.    A sense of humour

    Top date turn-offs
    1.    Bad manners/Offensive/Rude
    2.    Bad breath
    3.    Too negative
    4.    Burping out loud/other bodily noises
    5.    Unattractive physical appearance
    6.    Inappropriate/tight clothing
    7.    Talks too much
    8.    Indecisiveness
    9.    Too much make-up
    10.    Lack of confidence

  • Would you ask gay boyfriends any of these questions?

    Would you ask gay boyfriends any of these questions?

    We were wondering what questions are appropriate to ask and which questions were off limits to couples…

    gay couple
    CREDIT: Bigstock

  • 7 ways you can be a totally crap boyfriend

    7 ways you can be a totally crap boyfriend

    After a bad breakup, having to start over and put myself on the market again after 6 years, I seem to have grown up a little when it comes to guys. Over the last few months, I’ve met my fair share of new men. Some have been good, some downright awful and some complete assholes.

    how you can be a totally crap boyfriend
    CREDIT: Wavebreak-Media-Ltd-bigstock

    Luckily for me, one guy, in particular, taught me everything there is to know about how to become a player. So I have come up with this short, fail proof guide for anyone who would just like to become an asshole in general or would like to play these ‘players’ at their own game. If you can’t beat ’em, join ’em!

    1. Use social media to your full advantage.

    Facebook, Instagram, Twitter and Grindr. This will give you access to hundreds of guys without the bother of actually having to meet any in real life. Poke them, tweet them do what you have to do to grab their attention!

    2. Pick your first victim.

    Preferably one who doesn’t seem in the least bit interested in you! This will give you a real sense of achievement when you play them. Send them a message, be friendly and ask probing questions to gain information that you can then use against them at a later stage. Chat away, build rapport and pretend to be friends. Withhold information about yourself or even makeup lies.

    3. Swap phone numbers.

    Inundate them with texts, compliments and calls every day.

    4. It’s now time to try and get your victim to fall hook, line and sinker.

    Use buzz words such as hot, handsome, puppies, love, marriage, babies, forever and phrases such as ‘we just click,’ ‘I’ve liked you from day one,’ ‘settle down,’ and so forth. Suggest you are both looking for the same thing and are a match made in heaven. Manipulate them into thinking they must have been wrong about you initially.

    5. If you have completed steps 1 – 4 correctly, this step should be easy and work a treat.

    Suggest a date, somewhere original say like the zoo, dinner, a movie or maybe even a picnic in the park!

    6. It is now time to meet your victim, do whatever is necessary to lure them into the bedroom.

    Have sh*t sex, my suggestion would be to let them make you cum and then give them half a hand job, yes half don’t finish. This part is crucial. Don’t pay any attention to pleasing them. Who cares if they get off? Just make sure you do!

    7. Proceed to ignore your victim.

    At this point, you should already be at stage 3 with a new victim or if you are feeling super confident you could even try it with their best friend. You’re a player now kid!

    And there it is ladies and gentleman! How to become a top class tool in 7 easy steps. Follow this guide meticulously and you are well on your way. You can even use it to play someone who wasn’t interested in you in the first place! Clever eh? Word of warning, though, karma is a bitch!

  • DILEMMA | Am I good enough for my two boyfriends?

    DILEMMA | Am I good enough for my two boyfriends?

    A reader asks whether he’s good enough for his two boyfriends, who happen to be husbands. Doctor Dannii Cohen answers.

    ©-photography33-Depositphotos | FILE PHOTO

     

    Dear Dannii,
    I’m going out with two husbands.

    I’m worried that I’m going to be dumped and that I’m not good enough for these two guys I’m seeing. I’m dating two guys who happen to be civilly partnered to each other. They’ve been together for six years.

    As a thruple we’ve been together for a year and recently they decided to make our three-way relationship closed – to just the three of us. Which is great. I feel really happy about that. But I’m worried that they’ll get bored of me and want to move on without me. I guess I just feel a little left out on my own. I don’t live with them and although I don’t necessarily want that, I do feel on the outside.

    What should I do not to feel on the outside and what do I do if they decide to open up the relationship again – or move on without me?

    Tony, Portsmouth

     

    Dear Tony,

    What I am going to tell you might not be what you want to hear, but understand this: I only have your best interests at heart.

    Even though these men might be nice to you and you probably feel good being part of this thruple, are you sure you want this forever? You say it yourself: they might move on or get bored of it. You are at the mercy of their whims. Where the relationship is concerned they have all the power: years of being together and a civil partnership. The fact that you don’t live with them gives you even less claim on anything concerning emotional ties. This leaves you in a vulnerable position.

    In your letter you say that you don’t feel good enough, that is so sad to hear. No-one should be able to make you feel this way. It also sounds as if you are not in love with either of them, but are scared of being alone.

    If you feel any doubts maybe it is best to leave now and nd a free single person you can connect with. A person who does not see you as a plaything but as a person to love and cherish. It might be scary at first, but you have to protect yourself from being the one to get hurt, as you inevitably will. If this breaks up they will still have each other and you’ll be alone. You deserve better and it’s out there for you.

     

    Dannii.

     

    If you have a dilemma you’d like Doctor Dannii Cohen to answer use the form below to get in touch

  • Here’s what you could be doing wrong on dating apps

    Here’s what you could be doing wrong on dating apps

    It’s a fact of life. If you’re single, you’re probably on a dating app, and if you’re not getting the dates you want, you could be asking the wrong questions…

    If you’re looking for love on a dating app and you’re not getting the results you want you could be doing something crucially wrong, and it could be the questions you’re asking.

    Obviously, the most used word on Grindr is “Hey” or even “Sup” but the next following convo is important if you’re looking for love rather than just a hookup.

     

    what mistakes to avoid on gay dating apps
    CREDIT: GaudiLab/bigstock

     

    So what is this cardinal sin we’re all committing?

    You shouldn’t be asking what they do for a living as it seems too “opportunistic”. According to Cosmopolitan, Myka Meier, who created an etiquette app, called, Beaumont Etiquette, bringing up someone’s career (or lack thereof) can feel like you’re asking, “‘so how much money do you make?’ or “So how well educated are you?”

    So what topics does Meier suggest you stick with if you want to take the relationship further?

    Well, there’s a person’s background, interests and where they were raised or where they live now.

    Also, you could be on the wrong app. Check out our gay dating app review for the best dating app experience.

     

     

  • How not to be a douche when you have to dump your boyfriend

    It’s a sad fact of life that all good things must come to an end and that includes relationships.

    CREDIT: (C) Lopolo Depositphotos

     

    So if you’ve decided that time is up on your relationship we’ve got some suggestions on how not to make a pig’s ear out of the breakup process. Yes, it’s likely to hurt, and it’s probably going to get messy. So here’s ten tips on how not to be a douche when you dump someone.

    1) Is it really over?

    Are you sure? Can it be fixed or perhaps, more importantly, is it worth fixing? If it is then maybe, you need to hash it out with your partner. Have an honest discussion about your feelings.

    2) Give an actual reason.

    Don’t trot out that clichéd line, “It’s not you, it’s me”. Do you know how annoying that is? It means nothing and doesn’t help the other side have some closure. If there’s no other reason apart from the fact that you’ve fallen out of love, then say that. It can be harsh to say, but the reality of those words should hit home.

    3) Quit it and don’t go back.

    ARRRRGHHH. Stop playing with my heart. If the relationship is over, make sure it’s over. Don’t give the impression that things could be fixed if they can’t be.

    4) Speak to a friend.

    Chat with your friends about your plans before you make that break. They may have some insight or advice for you. Ultimately it’s your choice, but it doesn’t hurt to communicate what you’re feeling.

    5) Think about you, but also think about him.

    Remember you did once love or intensely like this guy, so be nice. Be honest and be firm. THEGAYUK’s very own Jordan Lohan suggests: “Honour the love you once had for each other by being respectful to one another during the breakup process. Break ups don’t need to be messy if you choose for them not to be.”

    6) Don’t procrastinate.

    If you’ve made your decision don’t hold off until the “right moment”. Even if that means you’re going to lose money, because you’ve got a holiday coming up or theatre tickets or whatever. If you own a house together or have a huge financial commitment together, then you might need to stay together for a bit longer, once you’ve broken up, until you can sort and separate your finances.

    7) Don’t feel sorry for him.

    He’s not a child, and he doesn’t need your pity. Try not to feel guilty for your actions. You’re doing this for a reason, hopefully, to make you both better people! Keep focused.

    8) Set out some post-bofxit (post boyfriend) rules.

    Set out some simple communication rules. Only texts, only emails – or whatever works for you. Don’t get drawn into long, complicated conversations. Keep it polite and professional.

    9) Let him blow.

    He might have a few words to say after you tell him you’re done. If he gets angry, just listen. Don’t retaliate and don’t goad. If you feel physically threatened leave. It’s only natural that if the breakup comes as a shock that he might react in an angry way.

    10) Plan your exit.

    Don’t rely on him to drive you home or lend you cash for a cab after breaking it off. Make sure you know what your exit plan is.

  • Gay Guys: 11 things you should definitely say during sex

    Are you a sexy-time talker? Chances are you’re staying stone-cold silence during the deed. Here’s why talking during sex is a good thing to do.

    what to say during sex
    CREDIT: ©-dnf-style-Depositphotos

     

    They say communication is the key to successful relationships and there’s no reason why this shouldn’t happen in the bedroom to bring you a successful sex life. So here’s 11 things you should definitely say or do in bed if you’re looking for better sex.

     

    Are you close?

    It’s okay to ask, but as always it’s in the tone of your voice. Ask in a bored tone or a voice that is dripping with sarcasm might just ruin the flow… Asking whether your guy is getting close to coming could mean that you can climax together. Bonus

     

    I like it when you…

    “Blow me”, “lick my balls”, “rim” or “just stick it in”. Guys, we’re not mind readers and unless you voice what it is you want to happen next the likelihood is that it won’t happen and life is too short for crappy unfulfilling sex.

     

    I’ll give it ago

    Has your partner just suggested doing something a bit left-field? Instead of saying, “no” why not, unless it literally makes you sick to your core, try it out. You never know, it could be the best thing you’ve ever done. As I like to say, “don’t say no, till you give it ago”.

     

    I need a moment…

    If, for whatever reason you need to take some time out, just say so. Don’t worry about disappearing erections and the mood flying out the window, those things will always come back…

     

    I love your body

    Is your partner a little body conscious? Telling him that you love his body could really help the barriers come down and the sex to become wild. By communicating that you’re really enjoying his body will ramp up the moment.

     

    No!

    If something is not your cup-of-tea then you have the right to say, “no”. If you’re getting involved with some kinky play then you and your partner should agree on a safe word which is absolute. If things get a little hairy the safe word must mean an absolute end to the activity at hand.

     

    You taste so good.

    Some men are worried about the taste of their goodies. Especially if the sex you’re having is a bit unplanned. So feed his penis or ass some encouragement.

     

    Moan and then moan some more.

    If you’re a little weirded out by using actual words use moans and groans to communicate your pleasure! The louder and more insistent the moan the more obvious it should be to how much you’re enjoying the play.

     

    You look amazing in that position…

    The problem with sex, sometimes, is that some positions can feel a little compromising and a little exposed. Some encouragement could do your partner wonders in the confidence arena, plus if the view is spectacular you should mention it. You wouldn’t climb Everest without commenting on the vista!

     

    I Love You

    If it’s appropriate and you are in love, saying, “I love you” during sex could be a real bonding moment. However, it’s probably best not to say it for the first time during your session. Feel the moment, if it feels right to, do it.

     

    Thank you

    Manners cost nothing and mean everything.

  • Column | The Burden Of Survival

    When you hear of somebody surviving an accident, recovering from an illness or defeating odds there are always the same buzzwords. We say we are blessed or thankful or grateful. Those who enquire get regaled with the story of our hurdles as people earnestly hold our hands and thank God for your still being on Earth. The one word you never hear mentioned is ‘burden’.

    When I was born, the doctors immediately knew something was wrong. My body was contorted, my ear was deformed, my foot was clubbed to the extent where they had to immediately cut my hamstring to loosen the tightness. I was operated on as they battled to save me. This deformed boy and his twin sister. My sister recovered quickly from the harshness of a caesarian section but for me, it was just the beginning. My parents sat, solemn, as they were told the boy they dreamed of would not be long on this Earth. He would never walk, talk or crawl. They sat frozen, as they were told I had a two year life expectancy.

    Then my third birthday came. And I could crawl, I began to walk and I could talk. My parents, like others, believed it was a miracle. They believed that God had shined a light on their son. They sat, operation after operation, wondering if the miracle would finally run out. Like they were in a pay and display parking bay and the metre was near empty. But I would return. Scarred, sure, but alive. The miracle kept on being a miracle. And so the baby became a child, whose parents were told would never be able to feed himself, began getting good grades in school. My parents looked on in proud amazement with each examination certificate, each award, each monumental step they thought they’d never see. And with this came the burden. To always do more and be more. Their child, their miracle.

    My parents never put this pressure on me. Nor did anyone else. But boy do I feel the expectation. You begin to feel invincible. I have been through operations where I have flatlined on the table, where they once intubated me with such force it pushed my teeth forward requiring braces. I have felt the grip of asthma, cruelly squeezing my lungs of their last breath. I have overcome so many hurdles, and it’s hard not to think there’s a reason. I don’t believe in God but how many times does one person get to cheat Death? To defy the odds? But with each time, the burden got greater. The burden to be something that makes a difference in the world.

    This ambition has led me down so many paths, has forced so many mistakes. It has seen me desperate for affection and make some poor decisions, just to be noticed. I want to believe that me being alive makes a difference in the world so that, if the miracle runs out, it was all worthwhile. So every misstep hurts that little bit more. Coming out as gay hurt a little bit more because it felt like I was disappointing others. It makes me give things up way too soon because I constantly feel like I’m running the clock. That I have to get to some sort of finish line.

    I believe that I have met the true love of my life. He felt like the missing piece, my true second half. But he came with his demons and I tried to stand by him but when it looked like our relationship wasn’t going to be PERFECT, I backed off. I began to grow tired of his low moments, I grew angry that he didn’t have the same ambition I did. He wanted to be happy but he had his own battles to face, so he wasn’t. My need to both be the best boyfriend and HAVE the best boyfriend added pressure. It pushed him away. And now I struggle to even date because I don’t believe anybody could match him in my mind or my heart.

    Then, in March, I almost died. It was discovered that I was a insulin dependant Diabetic. My Doctors had confused the symptoms for a stomach virus and my body began shutting down. I was told I was around two days away from death. This has added a whole new aspect to my life. My body is black and blue with the bruises from injections. My fingertips glow red with the endless pricking and drawing of blood I have to do. And I’m exhausted. Mentally and physically. This has broken me. People keep telling me that I’ll get used to it, that it’ll become normal but I implore them to try injecting themselves five times a day and feel normal. I am tired of having to be careful, frightened of what might happen. And then, there’s the burden. That I have been given the freedom to live, as long as I take my medication. Years ago, when Diabetes was unknown, people just died. It killed them fast. Now I have the responsibility of being grateful for the power of modern medicine. So when I feel down and exhausted, I feel ungrateful and selfish too.

    Nobody ever talks about the burden of surviving. But I’ve experienced operations and rehab, pain and heartbreak and near-death and recovery. And as I get older, the burden of survival somehow lessens. Because with each new day, life teaches me that I have no control over what’s going to happen. So the burden slowly chips away to reveal that, deep down, the only thing I need to feel is lucky. And all I can do is my best to remember that. To breathe in and feel the air in my lungs because no matter how I feel when I wake up, I must always try to take a moment to feel blessed, to be grateful and to give thanks. Because, the crux of it all is: I’ve survived.

    Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.

  • 10 things you’re doing wrong if your sex life has died

    It’s completely normal if after a while the excitement in your sex life dies a little.

    Tip for a sex life that's died

    They say, don’t they, that the 7-year-inch is real. It’s apparently the time where, if you’re in a long-term relationship you start, maybe, to look around at what you’re missing, while totally forgetting that everything you need is standing right in front of you.

    So what can you do to ensure all your cylinders are firing? We spoke to Rachael McCoy, an award winning sex and relationship coach about the simple things that we can do to make sure you’re getting amazing sex, even if you’re 7 years deep into your relationship

    So what can you do to ensure all your cylinders are firing? We spoke to Rachael McCoy, an award winning sex and relationship coach about the simple things that we can do to make sure you’re getting amazing sex, even if you’re 7 years deep into your relationship

     

    Turn off your technology

    Have at least one night a month where you promise to turn all tech and outside distractions off and just spend time together. In this modern day, we all have tablets, phones and other forms of gadgets that distract us away from quality time together.

     

    Buy a gift

    Aim to take it in turns to surprise the other person with a gift or experience that they really enjoy. A great tip on how to do this is to listen when your partner says things they like. Make a note on your phone and when they are least expecting it, spring it on them. They’ll be so grateful that you remembered.

     

    Massage your way to climax

    Erotic massage is a great treat that never gets old. When you know your husband/ wife has been having a stressful time, greet them one day after work with some massage oil, a candle lit (warm) room and work your magic to massage their stress away.

     

    ALSO READ: Five things you need to do to turn snooze sex in PHWOAR sex

     

    Chow down

    Taking the time to cook your partner a nice meal is a lovely gesture as it shows your spending time and energy to do something thoughtful for them. Actually sitting down and eating together (not in front of the TV) is becoming less common these days too so make sure the table is set and you can both talk about your day/ week or life in general.

     

    Roxanne, you don’t have to turn on that red light – ‘cept you should.

    Get a red light bulb and swap it with your normal bulb. It completely changes the look and atmosphere in the room, instantly making it feel very seductive and naughty.

     

    Get some friends

    Going out with friends may not seem romantic at the time but socialising and ‘representing’ as a couple with friends is a really fun thing to do. In other people’s presence, we tend to be more playful. It will give you lots of things to talk about and it’s something you can both enjoy together.

     

    ALSO READ: 13 myths about gay sex

     

    Oral

    Some spontaneous oral sex is always a pleasurable treat for a loved one. Catch them when they are nice and clean but not expecting your sexy treat. Make the effort to spend a decent amount of time working their ‘goodies’ with your lips and tongue.

     

    Be sentimental

    For an incredibly sentimental gift idea, how about putting together a collage of images. It will be even more romantic if you do it for no apparent reason, just to make them happy. There are plenty of apps that do this now or you could print off your favourite picture memories and cut them to fit nicely in a frame. It proudly shows your declaration of love and will definitely show your partner you care.

     

    Separate

    Doing things separately may seem the opposite of romantic but actually it’s a very healthy thing to do in marriages (and relationships in general). As much as you love each other, living in each other’s pockets can become suffocating and predictable. Doing hobbies separately creates desire and interest into the other person, giving you both some great conversation too.

     

    Show gratitude

    Remember to show gratitude. In long term relationships it’s easy to forget to say the little things like ‘Thank you’ ‘I love this about you’ or ‘I’m so grateful for’. This mainly happens because we’ve said it so many times before and we just expect the other person to know. But it is imperative that you always remember to tell your husband/ wife these things regularly. It will make all the difference to your marriage and help ensure that it’s a long and happy one.

  • Editor’s Letter | My Coming Out

    I was 20 and at university. It was the week before Christmas and I got dumped. We’d been dating for a year and a half. He was my first love and we had just broken up. It had been a difficult, secretive and tumultuous relationship. I was still fiercely in denial about my sexuality and he was basically a big gay fog horn. Looking back, I was quite jealous of that.

    My insistence that our relationship remained in the closet along with me, would eventually tear us apart. I was so afraid of coming out. Sitting in my parents’ living room, huddled in the corner, I couldn’t eat. I couldn’t sleep, I was the walking dead. It’s not quite the image you have for your coming out moment, but as my Mum looked at me, with a worried look, my heart began to beat wildly, I knew this would be the moment. “What’s wrong?” she asked. “Ben* has gone,” I choked.

    Not getting it, she replied, “That’s okay, he’ll be back after the holidays…” “No, he’s really gone,” and with that the floodgates opened. Puzzled she looked at me, and asked, “Is there something you need to tell me?” Through sodden eyes, a clammed up throat, a raging headpounding, I told her that he had been my boyfriend. She sat quietly and listened. She listened as I told her about our relationship. She listened as I blamed myself for this and that. She listened as I wailed that I would never love again. She listened as I started to make coherent sense again.

    I looked up. Wondering what the response would be… And then, thoughtfully, she started to sing. “You’ve got to wash that man right out of your hair…” In that moment, my darkest moment (so dramatic) she had made everything okay. We laughed, (well I was doing that blubbery laughing thing). She knew – I mean she had known from the age of three, but telling her when I felt I couldn’t tell anyone was big, one of the most important moments of my life. It was the moment that I could start living more truthfully.

    *Name changed

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