THEGAYUK

Tag: Relationships

All the latest breaking news on gay and LGBT relationships. Browse THEGAYUK’s complete collection of news, articles and commentary on relationships.

  • COMMENT | Are you suffering from “straight jealously”?

    I wanna hold your hand (and other straight jealousy)

    As the title says, it’s a simple request; all I want to do is hold a hand, specifically my partner’s hand. We’ve been together for 8 years and I’ve never openly held his hand or been overly affectionate in public, and a video posted recently of two men in Russia just walking down the street holding hands painfully illustrates the kind of reactions that we would get. Obviously, the UK is far more liberal than Russia when it comes to gay rights, but I would still feel nervous about what could potentially happen.

    I consider myself a strong guy mentally, and if someone is openly homophobic I will stand up for myself, but it’s the subtle type of reactions that bother me more. The whispers and stares from people we would get for doing something so benign that straight people don’t even have to think about it. I do feel a pang of sadness and jealousy when I’m walking along with my partner and see couples holding hands or being affectionate, completely oblivious to the world around them, thinking of nothing more than their eventual destination or what’s for dinner that night.

    Straight people take for granted how easy it is for them to display affection towards their significant other, and while there may be a very small minority of people who might stare at a straight couple, if they are of, say different races or different physicality, it is nowhere near the level of hostility a gay couple would endure.

    I also very rarely visit “straight” nightclubs on a Friday or Saturday because it only takes one person saying something to ruin a night out. I feel constantly on edge, always wary of the kind of people who are about and how they might react to me, and obviously, with alcohol involved, this becomes more of a minefield. Most straight people can go to a nightclub and have a great night out without the fear of either having something said or worse, being attacked. Yes, it can happen that anyone can get into an incident in a nightclub, but as a gay person, the odds are stacked far more against me.

    I’m lucky in the fact that I’ve only ever experienced a few incidences of outright homophobic verbal abuse, and I’ve never been physically attacked and I consider myself fortuitous that the most I’ll get from friends and work colleagues would be considered nothing more than friendly banter and natural curiosity to me. However, what is friendly banter to me, could be incredibly hurtful to someone else and in the younger LGBT population especially, who may still be struggling with their identity this can be potentially dangerous.

    To some straight people reading this, they may question why I would be jealous of them, and this is where the problem lies, they don’t see a problem. They don’t have the need to see an issue, something I and the LGBT community don’t have the luxury of.

    The reason we have Pride events is so that as a community we can feel safe enough to be ourselves, where the worst we’ll get is from a few sad people in anoraks quoting bible verses at us, who are easily ignored. I’ve had it asked to me and others many times “Why do you have pride marches?” And my usual reaction is “be thankful you don’t need one”. The fact we have had to fight to be given basic rights, and it took until the 21st century to even be allowed to have a civil partnership shows there it still a long way to go to change people’s attitudes. We simply haven’t come far enough to stop the fight for our right to exist and to be recognised.

    But what can be done, should all gay couples just hold hands and sod the reactions? Sadly this isn’t as easy as it sounds. In some places in the UK, this could potentially result in a violent reaction. LGBT people have been attacked and or killed, and over 35,000 incidences of homophobic hate crimes go unreported every year. Does this illustrate that the LGBT community are so used to these kind of reactions that they consider it pointless to report it anymore, or is there something of a more deeply disturbing trend when it comes to homophobic abuse, in that LGBT people don’t feel anything would be done even if it was reported and would that then result in worse treatment from the perpetrator after they got their slap on the wrist. Statistics show that fewer than 1 in 10 homophobic hate crimes that are actually reported lead to a conviction.

    Times they are a changing though, and the general overall attitude towards gay people is positive and accepting, and as people become more educated about the LGBT community the more people will not think twice about seeing two men holding hands.

     

    Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.

  • 3 survival tips for first dates

    First dates are much like The Kooples’ mid-season sale – it’s never certain you’ll be taking something home.

    Whether you were squiffed out of your brain and sucked faces with a hottie while throwing shapes at East Bloc and swapped numbers, or, you woke up to discover a mystery chap in ya boudoir after a Cinzano-fuelled bender and feel the need to meet again. Or a pal has the perfect match for you and sets up a blind date. And let’s not forget Grindr, Tinder, or Scruff to name but a few.

    1) Two-drink rule

    Never meet for dinner on the first date – drinks only. If you’re staring into the eyes of Ryan Gosling and your sides hurt from his witty repartee – great, go and fill ya Paul Smith dip-dyed black-leather Claude-boots. You don’t want to be stuck in a situation where your date is as scintillating as Lewis Hamilton and you have to painfully watch him devour a couple of courses before you can scarper. Buy a round each, then off you toddle.

    2) Have an early morning excuse up your sleeve

    Nowadays, with smartphones, everyone’s David Bailey. You can filter, crop and enhance any snap taken on your iPhone or Android. A lot of men seem to have mastered this art: you think you’re meeting David Gandy and you end up sitting opposite David Hasselhoff. So come prepared for such a situation. If you’re faced with the Hoff, drop into the conversation early on that you’ve an important dawn’s crack meeting, a 7 AM military-style personal training session or you’re having your genital warts removed first thing. The two-drink rule, then you’re out of there.

    3) Finishing the job properly

    You’ve executed the two-drink rule, the blind date organised by your chum wasn’t your cup of Manuka honey and Rooibos, and said date has a twitch in is trousers every time he thinks about you. After the night in question arrives the text: “Great to meet you, let’s do it again.” If you’re not interested, don’t string him along with ambiguous messages – and certainly never ignore, that’s just rude. A simple few words: “Lovely to meet you, you’re a really nice guy, but for me, no chemistry – have fun at your second-cousin-twice-removed’s wedding x”.

    Job done.

    Follow these three and you’ll avoid long evenings better spent watching QVC, plucking your nose hair or texting guys you don’t really fancy because your Grindr’s gone quiet.

  • THE UNDATEABLE GAY | On a detox

    COLUMN | The Undateable Gay

    Now, I’m not talking a man/dating detox. Oh god, no. I couldn’t do that. It’d be like depriving Dot Cotton of her cigarettes. No, I’m talking a lifestyle detox.

    When I stepped on the scales the other morning, they spoke to me, “one at a time please!” For any of you less intellectually-minded people out there, the scales didn’t actually talk. But you get the idea. I’m carrying quite a bit more weight around with me than a few months ago.

    So I decided it was time to take action before I become any more undateable than I already appear to be. My lifestyle detox consists of making sure I get eight hours sleep a night, protein shakes, a healthy meal a day, no alcohol (God help me) and definitely no cakes or crap! Wish me luck.

    DAY ONE: I strongly advise anyone partaking in a protein shake diet to carry a packet of extra strong mints with you at all times. Oh my god. The breath. I could have woken the dead with my breath today. The hardest part of my day was on my way home from work. I was filled with sheer excitement at the prospect of a glass of wine and Holby City. And then the reality of my detox hit me like a double decker bus. No wine! I could have cried. So, I got into bed with the hump. Oh well, at least that’s my eight hours sorted.

    DAY TWO: I decided I should go for a little swim today. I thought perving on the men in speedos might cheer me up and take my mind off my wine withdrawal. My god, I went dizzier than a fat chav whose been plonked smack bang in the middle of a circular McDonald’s. Note to self; avoid exercise until the lifestyle detox is over.

    DAY THREE: I feel an over share coming on. My stomach is more blown up than a balloon arch. I am more constipated than a person whose taken an overdose of Imodium. But on the plus side, I have been waking up with a much clearer head. It must be the enormous amount of sleep I’m getting and the lack of wine consumption.

    DAY FOUR: It’s only been three days I know but this morning, I decided to weigh myself. I was feeling that I surely must have shed a few pounds. As I stepped on, the scales told me I was exactly the same weight. Not a single bloody ounce had shed from my body. Oh well, I guess it was a bit soon to be expecting any weight loss. But it didn’t stop me wanting to lob the scales out of the bathroom window. Not that I’m an aggressive gay, you understand.

    DAY FIVE: I kid you not, I am actually feeling so much purer inside. (My body, not my mind.) I doubt that’ll ever be pure. Especially after my visit to the sauna. But I feel I may need some anger management sessions soon. You see, Saturday’s are normally my cake and wine day. (Well, that has actually been most days recently but Saturday’s especially.) so there I was getting really excited about the Belgian bun and bottle of Sauvignon I was going to consume when it hit me. Like a ruddy great lightning bolt. I’m on a detox.

    DAY SIX: After an awfully stressful day at work, I made a conscious decision. I need a glass of Sauvignon Blanc. No, not a glass. A whole bottle. So I popped into my little Tesco Express and picked up a bottle. I lashed myself on my faux leather sofa, put on my Prisoner: Cell Block H DVD (so gay, I know) and drank the whole bottle. I’m clearly as successful with detoxing and as I am dating.

     

    Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.

  • First date questions that men really want to ask

    Those very funny people over at BUZZFEED’s created a video is actually all about straight men, but we know that we also often want to ask most of these very same questions on our first dates.

    That’s if we only had the balls too do so!

  • 10 Signs You’re Falling Out Of Love

    For many, love is a fantastical thing that erupts sweaty palms, butterflies in the stomach and more than a few uncomfortable boners. But

    10 signs you're falling out of love

    Falling in love can be magical. Falling out of love can suck.

    Here are 10 telltale signs to look out for:

    Cute Habits Turn Into Annoying Pet Peeves

    All those sweet enamoured things they used to do, like holding open doors for you or putting their arm around your waist when you walk, slowly but surely become mind-numbingly infuriating. The little things that used to make you swoon now make you groan. More so, you find yourself actually looking out for these little ticks that fuel your anger and frustration rather than turning a blind eye.

     

    You Seek Out Conflict

    Picking fights used to be this grand, scary event that you’d mentally prep yourself up for beforehand. Now? Not so much. Bickering and arguing are practically the bread and butter of your relationship. The slightest of inconvenient occurrences can feel like the heaviest of set-backs. Did he forget to tell you he was seeing his friend tonight? Of course, he did, he’s so inconsiderate. Sound familiar?

     

    Other Couples Highlight Your Insecurities

    Double dates or group hangs just remind you of what’s missing in your relationship. You can feel the palpable envy in the air when a couple who can’t keep their hands off each other begin sucking face in front of you. It’s a gut-wrenching feeling to realise the infamous spark is gone and it feels better to stick your head in the sand than have your nose rubbed in it. Chances are if you’re jealous of another couple, it’s because they have something you don’t.

     

    A Future With Them Is Unrealistic

    Planning stuff together a week in advance makes you iffy. Thinking about a long-term future plan with a picket fence and kids makes you nauseous. It’s just not realistic to daydream about backpacking together or lounging on a matching set of towels together and still have it be fun. Or even tolerable. If that much time away, with only the two of you, makes you shiver then what’s the point in being with someone?

     

    Saying Empty “I Love Yous”

    Once more, with feeling. Three words that tingled your spine the first time you dared to whisper them into his ear. Your friends made such a big deal out of it. Truthfully, when you mumble them into the phone now it’s more out of habit or courtesy than love. They ring hollow, devoid of the fiery passion they once held. If they say it back in the same monotonous tone, odds are they’ve probably fallen out of love too.

     

    A Relationship Just Isn’t What You Need Right Now

    Perhaps other priorities have risen, be it a new career opportunity or needing to take care of a sick relative, and the sad yet honest answer is simply what’s written on the tin. A relationship isn’t your priority or necessarily even what you need. We all know how we love to think we know what’s best for ourselves. But it can be a bitter pill to swallow and admit. Maybe you rushed into things. Maybe you didn’t consider what you wanted out of the relationship. Maybe you don’t need to be in a relationship right now and that’s okay if you communicate it to your partner and not let it fester up and snowball.

     

    You Care About Them… As A Friend

    Attraction is important in a relationship. It’s not everything but it does play a pivotal role. If that attraction were to burn out, what’s supposed to be left is mutual respect and trust… right? So where do the distinct lines of friendship and relationship end? Attraction is a pretty good indicator. If you’re lucky enough to have a partner that ends up feeling like both a friend and a lover, congrats, but if it leans towards platonic (and let’s be honest, you know when it does) rather than romantic then that’s pretty self-explanatory.

     

    The Thought Of Breaking-Up Isn’t Heart-Breaking

    A long time ago, losing your significant other would absolutely crush you. Three to four months of mourning, minimum. Ice cream and tears galore. What springs to mind when you think about it nowadays is… meh. Not only do you find yourself caring less and less if you’re with them or not, seeing them doesn’t make your heart pitter-patter anymore. It wouldn’t shatter if he left for good, either, and if that’s the gospel truth well then that’s a pretty darn good sign.

     

    He Doesn’t Satisfy You Anymore

    There are plenty of things to do to spice up your sex life. Whole books are written on the topic. But if your relationship is suffering its very own mid-life crisis, it’s very likely that what used to be there isn’t anymore. Perhaps that’s where the jealousy of other couple stems from; sex is no longer pleasurable or as exciting or fun as it used to be. Tearing each other’s clothes off used to be common practice. If you’ve scheduled out a mandatory coitus sesh every Sunday night, and the thought of snacking afterwards is the only driving force to your climax, then it’s a pretty clear indication that the love part of your love-making is existentially dead.

     

    You’ve Fallen For Someone Else

    The ultimate sign that you’ve fallen out of love: being in love with someone else. Of course, this last sign only applies to monogamous couples. To have someone’s undivided devotion is wondrous. What can end up stinging the most, however, is finding out the hard way that’s not the case. People don’t like hearing it but there’s no easy way around telling someone you’re in love with someone else. Coming to terms with it yourself is a good starting point.

    If any of these ten signs ring true, maybe you have a few things to consider. If not, cherish your love (or your singlehood!) and let’s all agree that love is simultaneously the biggest mystery and wonder of the world.

  • Three things you need to do if you move in with your boyfriend

    The concept of nesting with your long term boyf can be about as appealing as being stranded with Katie Hopkins in Halifax’s ASDA car park.

    gay boys moving in with each other
    CREDIT: Wavebreak Media Ltd bigstock

    Sharing ya feng shui-ed, Versace Barocco gold leaf and Royal Blue wallpapered boudoir on a permanent basis. Coming home to that bouncy and easily excitable person every night. And of course dividing the responsibility for buying the loo-roll, Lurpack and lube. The colour can drain from a relationship quicker than a pair of over-washed Primark jeans.

    Once you’ve stumbled across that compatible stud-muffin and Cupid’s arrow has been firmly wedged deep inside your person – living together is inevitable for most.

    Here are three tips from an experienced nester six months in.

    1) When your 70 squid pot of face firming cream gets mistaken for Anusol, look on the bright side. It’ll be a smoother ride for you in the long run.

    2) Bottom burps can lift spirits at dawn’s crack. If your partner lets a cheeky one slip first thing, don’t curl your toes in repulsion. Embrace said puff and giggle away your morning blues.

    3) Hire a cleaner.

    Take these three gems onboard and look forward to a more harmonious, homo home life.

  • 10 of the worst AF pieces of relationship advice ever given

    When it comes to love, lust and relationships of all forms, it can seem like you’re lost in a darkroom. We all need the occasional nudge, pull or poke in the right direction.

     

    You might run a multi-billion pound conglomerate, command an army-like workforce, or parade your beautifully ripped, baby smooth torso behind a bar while pulling pints in Soho. But when it comes to matters of the heart or ya lunchbox, logic can dwindle away quicker than Nick Clegg’s popularity.

    So, you turn to your fruit flies, closest gay chums and family members – your confidants for guidance.

    But no one’s perfect, even your bestie can lean you towards a Roberto Cavalli, over-embellished multicoloured-silk shirt when all you really needed was a Tom Ford, classic-fit high-collar stand-barrel-cuffed.

    THEGAYUK asked ten gay men and one lady – who says she’s practically a gay man – what’s the worst relationship advice they have ever received. Here’s what our boys, and girl, had to say:

    Jack Rigby, 22, Junior Architect
    ACT ELUSIVE

    “A hot guy who rode motorbikes asked me out in Uni. Being the blushing virgin I was, I hadn’t a clue how to play the situation. I asked my best girlfriend at the time for advice. She told me to tone it down and act mysterious. I never saw him again.”

    Michael Bates, 46, Property Developer
    FOLLOW THE RULES

    “My memory of the worst relationship advice relates back to a period in the late nineties. There was a book called The Rules, which my straight friends read to help with their relationships. The book gave a series of guidelines in creating a relationship. For example, if a potential partner rang you for a date, then the rule was that you only rang him back after 3 days to confirm. For me ‘The Rules’ was disastrous. Quite frankly, it was ‘a crock of shit’. It taught me that there are no rules. Just be you – just be yourself.”

    Roy Hollywood, 53, Music Teacher
    SHARE YOUR FANTASIES

    “My worst relationship advice: Share your secret fantasies with your partner. Dreadful advice – they’re secret for a reason – keep them bottled up.”

    Marc Davies, 29, Advertising
    BREAK IT OFF

    “Worst advice I ever had was from one of my best friends, who flat out said: ‘break up with him’. This was only a few months into the relationship. I didn’t, and we worked through it. Honesty, and speaking about your problems can fix a lot. Don’t run. We ended up together for over three years. The actual break-up is another story.“

    Gregory Gerot, 37, COO Broad Group International Consulting
    SEX IS NOT IMPORTANT

    “I was having a few issues with my partner. One night outside a nightclub my friend said ‘Darling, I know you love him but you need to have an open-relationship if you want it to work’. I didn’t take the advice. Five years later and we’re still together and happier then ever.”

    Adrian Moore, 52, Funeral Director
    PROPOSE DRUNK

    “The worst advice I received was a few years ago, from an extremely frustrated individual: sex is not that important”.

    Steve Braganca, 38, Project Manager
    WRITE A LIST OF PROS AND CONS

    “I was going out with a really nice guy, but there were a few issues. I was young (and stupid) and was advised to write a pro’s and con’s list about each other and discuss it over a drink. He stood me up and texted later saying the list showed all my negatives and couldn’t be arsed to see me again. Lesson, never write a pros and cons list.”“‘Also, with a different guy, I was advised to ‘play games’ and ignore his calls and texts to make myself appear less keen. It didn’t work, as he became less interested and accused me of playing games.”

    Lee Brobson, 24, Optical Consultant
    DRINK… LOTS

    “I didn’t know how to act around my new boyf. My close friend told me to become a drunken mess and go wild so he’ll know what to expect. It didn’t last long – funny that.”

    Girish Divan, 39, London Fire Brigade
    OPEN UP YOUR RELATIONSHIP

    “My boyfriend’s best friend convinced me to propose when I was drunk last year at his birthday.”

    Michael Woodhead, 30, MI Web Developer
    DATE LOTS OF PEOPLE

    “A friend told me to date lots of men at the same time, because it stops you from focusing on one person. If one goes quiet, you’ve got other options. For me, I found this didn’t work. I kept making comparisons, I stopped putting in any effort and never really got to know any of them.”

    Nina Bass, 42, Healthcare PR – practically a gay man
    ONLY MARRY THEM IF YOU WANT TO TEAR OFF THEIR CLOTHING EVERYDAY

    “As I stood meringue-clad facing my imminent husband-to-be at the altar, the kind, rather nasal vicar proffered his number one golden rule for any couple; ‘never go to sleep on an argument.’ Wise words but not what he should have said. He should have asked; are you madly, passionately in love with this man? Does the ground move when he walks into a room? Do you want to rip off all his clothes and run out the church together? Sadly, an acrimonious and lengthy divorce followed.”

    We can all learn from the above. Trust your gut, and never propose after a skinful.

  • Dear Unloved Me … What Advice Would You Give The Pre-First-Love You?

    If you could go back before you fell in love for the first time, what would you tell yourself?

    Dear Unloved Me,

    This is a difficult one to cover. Ideally, I want to reveal what I wish I’d known before I fell in love for the very first time. I guess if that love had have lasted this wouldn’t be difficult to write at all. We’ve all heard it before; it’s better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all. You might not believe this yet, but it is true – well kind of, at least.

    You’re going to learn a lot from that first love, kiddo. First of all, you’re going to realise quite suddenly how quickly you can fall, and it’s a hard fall. (The landing isn’t what we’re concentrating on here – that’s a letter all of its own, unfortunately.) But the fall, oh the fall, it’s terrifying and exciting all at once. Prepare yourself to feel an entire rollercoaster of emotions on an almost daily basis.

    This love itself isn’t going to start in the traditional fairy tale manner you’re expecting, so there will be little warning before it hits you like a wall. Really, my only advice for you while you’re at this stage, is to enjoy it. Go with the flow and roll with the punches. It’s the first time so it’s not going to be the smoothest for you, but that’s okay because you’re learning.

    Another thing you’ll learn over time is that the amount of love you give out isn’t always the same as the amount you receive back. It’s not got its own patented return system, sadly. This is made all the worse due to the amount of time you considered yourself unworthy of love. It was a ridiculous belief – of course – but it still plagued you for a solid twenty years of your life, so you’re going to have to expect some repercussions from that. You’re going to lose it a little bit, terrified that if you don’t convince someone you love them just enough they’ll turn and leave with no warning.

    Because of this, you’re also going to lose a little self-worth. Far too quickly your own happiness will rely on the actions of another. Here’s some advice on that matter – and I mean this with the most sincerity – stop. You can’t place all of your chips on one bet – well you can, but it’s a foolish decision with so many variables. What I mean is that it’s not fair on you, and it’s not fair to him to expect him alone to make you happy. You can’t fall for someone and live as though they’re the only thing in the world – or even the only thing in your world – that really matters. Don’t lose yourself for someone else, because that isn’t love at all. Love would never require you to do such a thing – it makes you more of a person, not less.

    You’ve spent a solid chunk of your life watching romantic comedies that have convinced you that a mid-story struggle is to be expected. This is the part where you have to prove your love with a ten-minute monologue, a bare-knuckle fight, or perhaps a church hall dance off. In your own version of events, this is going to be a prolonged up and down of emotions, a hell of a lot of radio silence, and a handful of broken promises. It’s not romantic. It’s not sweet. It’s not fair. Erase these movie scenes from your mind, and ignore every Taylor Swift lyric that works to convince you that anything worthwhile is worth a fight. While my advice for the first stage of this love was to go with the flow, this is where you really need to wake up and pay attention.

    This love is going to royally throw you in the deep end. As I mentioned, you’ll fall fast and hard, and hopefully, that will never be a part of how you love that changes. It’s the middle and the end of this love that you really have to learn from. Giving someone your everything doesn’t guarantee that you’ll receive this back. You don’t have to fight to feel worthy of someone’s love. And perhaps most importantly, a love should never destroy you more than it can rebuild you.

    Don’t lose yourself in love – not in this one, or any other – so much that you’ll struggle to find yourself again. It’s an interesting one that’s coming up, so enjoy the ride for as long as you can, but make sure you know when to get off.

    Kind Regards,

    The Loved, Unloved, and Loved Again You

     

    Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.

  • Ten Tips To Make A Flawless First Impression

    Ten Tips To Make A Flawless First Impression

    First dates, they can be the makings of a fresh new romance or your very own horror movie. Okay, so that might be a bit of an overstatement, but they can certainly make or break the chances of a potential future with someone. As unfortunate as it might be, these scenarios – whether they play out good or bad for the individual – are one of the very few things that tie us all together.

    https://giphy.com/gifs/fabulous-hair-flip-shrek-wMqzS9qqe6X2E

    There’s a reason first dates are nerve-wracking but follow these ten steps and you’ll be sure to make a lasting – and outstanding – first impression.

    (You can thank me after the third date.)

     

    10 – Think Outside The Box

    There’s no need for dinner and a movie to be the only potential first date option. Get out of your comfort zone and do something a little different to leave a lasting impression on that special guy.

    9 – Dress To Impress

    Put away that ancient Tee and actually button up to be remembered. The right guy’s going to be worth that extra effort. Iron that shirt, polish the shoes, and don’t forget to run a brush through that hair, it’ll be worth it in the long run.

    8 – Have Fun – But Not Too Much Fun

    There’s nothing wrong with a little Dutch courage, but make sure to remember where the line is. Much like you will want to remember the date, he probably doesn’t want to be babysitting a stumbling drunk so maybe keep it to a four-drink maximum.

    7 – Don’t Do ALL Of The Talking

    Dates have a way of including two people for a reason. Just try to remember that it’s not all about you, no one likes a loudmouth whose favourite topic is himself, so ask some questions, and make him feel like the center of attention every now and then.

    6 – Find Some Common Ground

    It doesn’t matter if it’s music, movies, or your mutual love for sausage … dogs. Once you find something you completely agree on the conversation will start flowing without any effort at all. It’ll always give you something to fall back on too.

    5 – Cover The Fun Stuff – But Leave Out All The Rest

    Unless it’s especially important to the both of you, it might be best to avoid anything political or even remotely controversial. You’ll have enough time to cover your stances on Brexit, Gay Rights, and the Pro-Life movement, so let’s not use up all the fun topics on the first date.

    4 – Be Witty.

    Think Tina Fey, not Chandler Bing. The class clown is all well and good in small doses, but no one wants to be stuck on a date full of constant one-liners and immature observations.

    3 – Avoid All The BURNING Questions

    Top or bottom? STD Free? Much like the politics, you have more than enough time to find out these things about one another. While the answers might sway you one way or another – I’m not going to judge what’s important to you – those issues can definitely wait a few dates.

    2 – Leave It On A Good Note

    Like Mama said, “No one’s gonna’ buy the cow if you give the milk away for free.” This one will change from date to date, and person to person, but judge the situation well and leave it in a way that both of you will be happy with.

    Lips were made for more than talking, after all.

    1 – Be Yourself

    It’s cheesy and overused, but it really is the most important thing to remember. You need to find someone who likes the real you, and there’s only one way for them to get to know that awesome guy.

    Remember, confidence is sexy.

  • Five totally rubbish ways to end things with your boyfriend

    Exit Strategies (…or rubbish my ex-partners have told me)

    Extricating yourself from a relationship isn’t easy. We’ve all been there; watching a once-promising union limping sadly towards the end, trying to fan the fire of a lukewarm love life or just living through that daily battle of trying not to slip a pinch of Arsenic into his latte. I’ve been through a few relationship breakdowns and my behaviour can be charted somewhere on a continuum that ranges from psychopathic maniac to saintly martyr. One thing I wish though is that my ex-partners had sometimes been more truthful.

    Here are my top 5 pieces of crap which have been uttered to me over the past 20 years:

    1) It’s not you, it’s me: This one is a total classic and is invariably nonsense. Of course, it was me too. I made that remark about your mother, didn’t put out as often as you wanted and was often snippy and critical. Yes, you were pretty dire at times and those nasty clothes and the penchant for 80s soft rock was hard to tolerate but let’s be honest. We both played a part in causing this once quite promising future to turn post-apocalyptic.

    2) I need to find myself: Seriously? How careless to mislay something so important. In my experience, this one always means ‘I need to spend time on Grindr and see what I can find within a 3-mile radius that is willing to take his pants down and lube up for me.”

    3) I want an open relationship: See above. This is also often the cowardly way of saying: “I want an affair or ten and you to stay at home, ask no questions but remain totally faithful to me. If you so much as brush up against another man on the tube I’ll get all psycho on you but please don’t complain when I bring home pubic lice and my phone buzzes with texts from morning till night.”

    4) I’m not sure that I’m really gay: This one was uttered by a very plausible and slightly mixed up man and got my sympathy (albeit in a puzzled way). I felt sorry for his messed up emotions. This sympathy lasted until I spotted his new Gaydar profile two weeks later in which he was seeking: ‘Young good looking versatile men who want to be pounded and give some cock back”. That’s not normally the request of someone who is feeling all hetero all of a sudden. Don’t they like fishing, football and tits? I’m not sure they’re always so keen on hard anal with another man. That desire implies leanings, to me.

    5) I love you but you’re impossible to be around: If you love someone then surely being around him or her is easy or something you’ll work to be able to do. You love them and that involves you wanting to be with them however difficult they can be. This actually translates as: “I’ve finally woken up to what a nightmare you can be and realised we’re not compatible. Don’t feel bad but I now regard you in the same light as an episode of Friends. It was once endearing, funny and I kind of liked it but now it makes me wince and wonder what the hell I was thinking.”

    I accept that honesty isn’t always good. We all need some sugaring of the pills from time to time but there’s dishonesty and there’s downright ridiculousness. Sometimes a pinch of honesty peppered with a smidgeon of tact is really the best policy of all.

    Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.

  • What you need to do to score a second date with your dream man

    So you’ve met this man, you really like him and you want to score yourself a second date. Well, you’re going to have to impress him.

    CREDIT: © actualtime Depositphotos

    Here are some ways to impress a man:

    Time keeper

    On the first date, let’s start with common curtsy: be on time. He’s not going to be impressed if you’re half an hour late because you were doing your hair or choosing what to wear. Leave yourself enough time to get ready and travel to the venue of the date.

    Make an effort

    Make an effort with your appearance. Looking smart will impress a man far more than looking like you fell out of a skip. Make sure what you wear is appropriate to the venue of your first date. So there’s no need to wear a suit if you’re going to the cinema, but still, make an effort to look your best.

    Compliments

    When your date arrives, give him a genuine compliment. We all like receiving a compliment, especially if we’ve made a particular effort to look good. So your date will like this and you are likely to be rewarded by a smile and positive regard.

    Confidence is king

    Be confident, but not arrogant or cocky. Watch what you say and do. Are you talking about yourself negatively? What does your body language say about you? You need to like yourself and show that you do, before you can expect your date to appreciate, like and fall for you. Remember: you are wonderful and unique. There’s no one else in the world that’s you.

    Single focus

    While we’re talking about body language, keep your eyes off other guys. Looking at other men will tell your date that you’re not interested in him. Your date should be your focus, so keep your attention focused on him and show this by making regular eye contact.

    Have fun

    Don’t forget that you’re on a date. It’s supposed to be fun, so have fun, smile often and make him laugh.

    Give And Take

    In conversation, you should talk about 50% of the time and listen 50% of the time. Ask your date open questions to discover his interests and passions. Keep conversation light. Avoid emotive topics such as ex-boyfriends and politics.

    Be Honest

    Always be honest with you date. Trust is built on honesty. If your not honest and things go well, sooner or later he’s going to find out. This doesn’t mean you have to tell him your deepest and darkest secrets on the first date. Save intimate secrets for later on when the relationship has developed. It’s OK to tell him you don’t want do discuss certain subjects until you get to know him better.

    Be You

    Being yourself is perhaps the most important advice in this article. Don’t try to be something you’re not. It’s exhausting and won’t lead to you being happy. Any gay man who has tried to play it straight will know this.

    Expectations

    Have no expectations about how the date will go or what will happen. That way you won’t disappointed if the spark isn’t there or you don’t get on. But you will be pleasantly surprised if things go well. There are no rules, so just do what feels right.