Tag: Relationships

All the latest breaking news on gay and LGBT relationships. Browse THEGAYUK’s complete collection of news, articles and commentary on relationships.

Reader’s Tips For Coming Out

It’s National Coming Out Day so we asked you to give us your top tips for going through what is often a life changing event in a person’s life.

1) Don’t apologise.

2) Only come out if it is what you want to do. If you feel pressured into coming out, remember that it has to be your decision. It is a big decision to make in your life and the most important thing is that you feel comfortable with what you are doing.

3) Do it the way you most feel comfortable! I told my Dad by letter, but my friends mainly face to face… it just got easier the more I did it.

4) Treat it like a band-aid and just tear it off. Quick and almost painless. Just tell them, quickly, confidently and get it over with.

5) Don’t approach the situation like you’re about to announce you’re terminally ill. Body language and the tone of your voice will play a massive role in how people react to what you’re saying.

6) If you don’t get the reaction you expect, don’t be put off. You will get some negative reactions, but that is their problem not yours. The amount of positive reactions will far outweigh the negative ones.

7) Speaking to a helpline, like Switchboard – first, if you’re not sure what to say. Talking with a counsellor or helpline can help you find the words you need to describe what you’re feeling.

8) If you’re not sure how to bring it up, casually talk about a celebrity’s recent coming out like Tom Daley or Charlie King and gauge the reaction before going any further.

9) It’s not an all or nothing deal. You don’t HAVE to tell everyone all at once. Start off with one person and let it grow organically from there.

10) There is no right or wrong way to come out. It should be a tailor-made experience, as individual as you are.

11th October 2016
6 tips for easier bottoming

So if you’re new to bottoming or you’re just looking some tips on to how to make it easier, here’s some tips

You on top.

This position is normally called the Cowboy. The best way to control how far your partner goes in is with you on top. With you on top you can also control the speed of the thrusts – or limit them altogether. You can be in complete control of the movement, because your partner’s range of movement will be limited.

Your hand in the way.

So if you’re tired with the cowboy position you can try all manner of other positions, but try this trick. If your partner is just too long for you, you can put your hand in the way. So imagine putting his penis through your fist and then into you. That eliminates around 3 inches of his actual length. The “top” partner shouldn’t really feel any less pleasure- especially if you lube up the inside of your palm.

As you get more accustomed you can change the fist into a V shape made from your index and middle finger in front of your butthole.

ALSO READ: How to make ordinary sexual positions even more exciting

Spooning position.

Another range limiting position is the spooning position, where you lie on your side and your partner comes in from behind also lying on his side. To limit the range of thrust close your legs – as you get used to the feeling of him inside you, you can start to open your legs more.

ALSO READ: How to bottom like a pro – porn star Kit Wilde explains how to shag like a pro

It’s all in the Prep.

Spending some time by yourself – prepping can actually help loosen you up. If you’re comfortable douching that will definitely get your butt more relaxed. You can try with a shower head, however, you must be careful of water pressure and the heat of the water – or with an actual douche.

Douches are relatively inexpensive, you can even order them through Amazon.

Prep can also come in the guise of using a little dildo or vibrator that you can have some fun with before the main event. You could even have two one small and one larger for when you get a little more relaxed.

Prelube yourself.

After prepping yourself, why not pre-lube yourself. Don’t just wait before you’re actually in the moment, you could try using a thicker butter lube like the Male Cobeco Butter lube or even Crisco. Using your finger take a blob of the butter and put it right inside you. However using a butter lube might not be suitable to use with latex condoms – always check the packaging for instructions.

Tell Him STFD

In the end it’s your body and your butt. If you’re not happy TELL HIM. Or as we like to say… Slow The F*** DOWN. There’s no need to rush and you should take your time. Be sensitive to your body and let go at your pace.

As always lots of lube… and condoms!

Have you got tips – put them in the comments below!

Want some further reading trying this book How to Bottom Without Pain

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7th October 2016
People actually think that being gay or bisexual is “trendy”

So the Office for National Statistic released some interesting stats today about the number of young people who identify as Bisexual.

Wavebreak-Media-Ltd-bigstock

The ONS released statistic today that show that the number of young people who identify as bisexual has increased by 45 percent in just three years.

This is the first time that more young people have described themselves as bisexual rather than gay or lesbian. A survey by YouGov last year revealed that 50 per cent of people aged 18-24 defined themselves something other than purely heterosexual. Overall a quarter of the entire population revealed that they felt this way.

Overall a quarter of the entire population revealed that they felt this way.

In the most recent statistic released by the ONS 1.8 per cent identified themselves as bi, while 1.5 per cent said they were gay or lesbian.

However, it hasn’t stopped some social media users commenting that people are referring to themselves as LGBT+ because it’s “trendy” or fashionable rather than you know, the truth.

https://twitter.com/MrML33/status/783808385481408512

https://twitter.com/Vblockranger/status/783808269601169408

https://twitter.com/_Will_Phoenix/status/783940023297142784

https://twitter.com/UFukoffy/status/783936847751835648

https://twitter.com/Vblockranger/status/783944430113947648

https://twitter.com/TrigglyPuffster/status/783939454918623232

6th October 2016
What was you scariest Grindr, Jack’d or Scuff meet up?

Ah, the world the of Internet and app dating.

Dick pix, location requests and way too much information.

Tell us about your scariest hook ups.

I’m closer than you think…

Was it so bad that you had to talk to someone about it?

What it racist, homophobic, total asshole?

Use the comments below to let us know and you could feature in a future article!

*T&C apply.

5th October 2016
8 Best Gay-Friendly Honeymoon Destinations

So you’re getting married? Congrats! We bet you’ve got enough on your plate and could spare having to plan the holiday of a lifetime on top of that. Have you come to the point where you’re pondering all the unanswered questions and steps that are separating you from actually jumping on that plane?

We hear you.

One question that should never be left ignored is whether you picked a honeymoon destination that is gay-friendly. With a whopping 75 countries still having some form of anti-homosexuality law, it’s easy to see how your perfect holiday could go awry. Although not feeling comfortable showing your affection to your loved one in public is not something you should ever have to deal with, it’s an especially unwelcome feeling on this special occasion. So, we’ve put together a list of the most gay-friendly honeymoon destinations; areas filled with beauty, vibrancy and friendliness.

1. Rio de Janeiro, Brazil

CREDIT: Pixabay / CC0 Public Domain

Bring out the glitz and the feathers! Rio has been a favourite of same-sex partners for decades. With its vibrant carnival and world-famous gay-friendly neighbourhoods, Copacabana and Ipanema, Rio ticks many boxes. The beaches are gorgeous, the views phenomenal, the nightlife exciting and the food amazing. We may also have a soft spot as the Rio Olympics saw the record for the most out athletes participating in history.

2. Barcelona, Spain

CREDIT: Pixabay / CC0 Public Domain

Barcelona is constantly at the top of the most LGBT-friendly lists — and with good reason. A great mix of delicious tapas, fabulous sandy beaches, stunning historical buildings, balmy year-round climate, and a selection of gay bars, saunas, cruises and hotels to boot make it easy to see why it’s a holiday favourite amongst the gay scene.

3. Reykjavik, Iceland

CREDIT: Pixabay / CC0 Public Domain

Same-sex marriage became legal in Iceland in 2010, but the country always had a relaxed and accepting attitude towards gay couples. For one thing, their prime minister is openly gay! Despite all this, the beauty of this outlandish country is what will captivate you the most. Don’t miss the Blue Lagoon: a geothermal spa located in a lava field where you can soak in milky blue water at any time of the year.

4. Buenos Aires, Argentina

CREDIT: Pixabay / CC0 Public Domain

Gay marriage was legalised in 2010 in Argentina, but Buenos Aires was a mecca for gay travellers way before then. Dubbed the “most European place in South America,” it’s a sprawling city rich in history. Take a stroll hand in hand along the pedestrian Calle Florida in the Microcentro, or in the Recoleta, Palermo and marvel at all the beauty without a care.

5. Cancun, Mexico

CREDIT: Pixabay / CC0 Public Domain

Cancun has so much more to offer than the hedonistic reputation that precedes it. There’s a bit of everything for everyone. Sure, there’s the crazy night life if you fancy that, but there are also a whole throng of gay beaches and hotels to pick from, and a carefree, ‘live and let live’ vibe that’ll put you right at ease.

6. Cape Town, South Africa

CREDIT: Pixabay / CC0 Public Domain

One wouldn’t always think of the African continent when it comes to gay-friendly travel destinations, but South Africa was the fifth country in the world and first in Africa to legalise same-sex marriage. Seen by many as one of the most beautiful cities in South Africa, Cape Town promises spectacular scenery, incredible beaches and exotic wildlife. Drive safely, though, as the baboons run free!

7. Taiwan

CREDIT: Pixabay / CC0 Public Domain

Taiwan may also come as a surprise for a gay-friendly destination, but it is one of the most accepting countries in Asia. There’s something for all tastes and tonnes to explore for such a tiny island, including nine national parks (don’t miss the Taroko National Park), a bustling metropolis, pleasant sub-tropical weather and beautiful, remote beaches.

8. Palm Springs, USA

CREDIT: Pixabay / CC0 Public Domain

The sun always shines in the South Californian desert oasis of Palm Springs. As a city that boasts the most same-sex (and the most clothing optional!) hotels in the world, it’s easy to see how you’ll have a great time. Rather go golfing? Hiking? Clubbing? There’s little that can’t be had in Palm Springs.

Parveen Nanda is an experienced blogger and travel expert at Luxtripper, supplying luxury four and five-star hotels and end-to-end package holidays.

28th September 2016
COLUMN | I’m like Trump… When people probe me… I Lie

In Gay We Trust: The Vulnerability Of Living Proud

Lao Tzu once said that “he who doesn’t trust enough will not be trusted”. He focussed on the importance of a mutual trust, an understanding, that for people to be open to you, you must equally be as open to them. But when you spend your life lying, and eventually get burnt, how can you ever open up again?

Being “in the closet” is how every not-out gay man is referred to. This metaphor that says you’re hiding secretly away, watching through the gap in the doors, waiting to see when it’s safe to come out. The reality is much more different. Not being out is like being trapped in your own mind. I remember it clearly; the fear that you’ll let slip, that you’ll say the wrong thing or something will give you away. I remember going shopping with my family, fearing the self-checkout will scream out “unexpected homo in the bagging area”. It was a lonely time, a time of isolation. I was out to all my friends in school but I lived in fear of word getting back to my parents. I’d place trust in “friends” who eventually would spread word until everyone knew I was gay.

My parents would ask me leading questions. I think they’d always known I was gay. Instead, I learned to lie. I would tell people I wasn’t gay and, selfishly, would get girlfriends to prove I wasn’t. The problem is, the more often you have to lie, the better you get at it. The lies were helpful to me when I broke up with my first boyfriend. My entire world had torn apart. I would cry every night, I couldn’t concentrate in school. Seeing his face every day as he sat opposite me was like a dagger inside. I had nowhere to place my hurt, my aggression or my confusion. But I couldn’t turn to my parents because then they’d know the truth about it all. They’d know I was gay, they’d know I had a boyfriend and that I hid it from them.

When I eventually came out to my parents, things weren’t easy at first. Although I believe they knew, they struggled with the revelation and what it meant for my future or at least, the future they’d always imaged for me. Eventually, they got over their hang ups and are now incredibly supportive. They now want me to be open to them, to tell them about my life but I’ve spent so many years hiding it from them, even now I struggle to open up. I’m constantly asked about my love life, who I’m dating or what I get up to but I find myself shrugging it off out of a reflex action. I grew up in a society where being gay was negative and that you should tell no-one. You don’t just get over that. The problem is, when you can’t tell your parents what is happening, you end up raising yourself when it comes to certainly subjects. I taught myself about flirting, falling in love, break-ups, sex and safety. The difficulty being I had to learn from my mistakes. It hardens you, it makes you closed off and invulnerable. So, when you’re 26 and people tell you to open up more, it’s difficult.

I am honest about superficial things. I talk openly and, somewhat graphically, about sex. I joke on Facebook about my ‘sad’ life. But I’m very rarely vulnerable. At 26, I have had 3 real relationships. My trust and my heart has been broken each time. I’ve had friends betray me, even recently. With every betrayal I face, the higher I build my wall. I’m like an emotional Donald Trump. Instead, when people probe me about how I am, I lie. In March, I discovered I was a type 1 diabetic. I discovered this by being rushed to hospital and told I was two days away from dying. I have spent months learning to deal with injections and appointments, risks and dangers. Yet, if you ask me how I am, I’ll probably tell you I’m fine. I’ll smile, make a joke and let you get on with your day. Because that’s what I do. Because if I tell you the truth, if I make myself vulnerable, it’ll just be a case of ‘when’ and not ‘if’ you betray me.

The close friends in my life have had to give so much of themselves to me before I could let them in. They’ve had to be patient and kind and so vulnerable themselves. I know everything about my close friends and sometimes it can seem like I’m trying to get ammunition on them. When I feel ready to get close to someone, I ask to hear their secrets. I probe them about their lives. Because the truth they speak and the vulnerability they show is the only thing that can thaw the ice inside me. For months, they are very patient and slowly, I can allow myself to be vulnerable.

I want to think it’s not too late for me to learn to trust more but I fear ever being considered naive or to place my trust in people who don’t deserve it. My first boyfriend got himself a girlfriend. My second boyfriend told everyone I had made the whole relationship up and the third one ran away with the circus (a whole other article, I assure you). Each of these moments, so pivotal in my life, added another brick to the wall. I just hope that some day, as the scars of my past fade, I’ll learn to trust again.

I am no longer the closeted gay boy fearing being outed. I am a grown man who needs to learn to open up. I believe that pride comes before the thaw, that to be vulnerable and honest, to be truly myself is not proof of my naivety nor any emotional stupidity but is simply what it is to be human.

Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.

14th September 2016
Gay and bi men, tell us about the first date you had with a man

So… let’s take you back, to your very first date with another man.

Sweaty palms, a pocket full of jonnies and probably far too much hair gel.

Where was it? Was it a classy affair? Perhaps you went bowling… (yep really)

Did it go to plan or was it totally cringey?

Was there too much wine?

Was there a first kiss?

Comment below to let us know how your first gay date went – your story could feature in a future article!

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6th September 2016
DILEMMA | We’ve been dating for 8 months and the sex has dried up
After only 8 months together a reader is concerned that the romance and sexual attraction has died in the bedroom. We ask three of our writers what they think.

CREDIT: Wavebreak-Media-Ltd-bigstock

Dear TGUK,

We’ve been together for around 8 months now although we had an on/off casual thing for a while before getting together. At first the sex was phenomenal and on a regular basis nearly every time we were together even 2 to 3 times a night. However over the last 3/4 months it has rapidly decreased to nearly nothing.

Since May we have only had sex like maybe 4-6 times and even the odd occasion when it has happened it feels like he’s just not interested and is just doing it for me. So it has been rubbish.

We went on a weekend break away, nice and romantic, had a great time together but he was still just full of excuses whether “I’m too tired” or “I’m bloated” or any one of 146 other things and it’s really getting to me now.

We are intimate and I do feel that he loves me as we still kiss and cuddle and have romantic nights in and out but they just never involve sex anymore.

I’ve tried subtly bringing this up in different ways but nothing seems to work and I just don’t want to seem like a dick by bringing it up abruptly.

Obviously I understand that as a relationship progresses that sexual desire might depreciate a bit but not this dramatically and it went from always to never and has pretty much been that way for months now. Any advice would be appreciated.

JORDAN LOHAN

I’ve personally experienced this situation so feel your pain! And it literally is pain. You may be getting kisses and cuddles but repeatedly being brushed off when it comes to sex is nothing but rejection, and that hurts.

I wouldn’t call you a “dick” for bringing it up abruptly; you would only be mirroring how it felt to you when the sex suddenly died out.

He’s sending out mixed messages and being incredibly controlling by being the one that decides what kind of intimacy you receive and when. Ask him, what does he want from you? Because right now he’s not offering enough to make you happy, feel good about yourself, and feel secure in your relationship, and you should make sure that he knows that in black and white. (Hopefully the thought of losing you will light a fire under his ass and spark the conversation that you both need to have).

DANIEL BROWNE

The so-called honeymoon period of a relationship when you first begin seeing someone can be a truly wonderful period. Whether it’s getting to know your partner’s quirks, excitedly introducing this amazing person to your friends, or all of that rampant sex you have, it’s a lovely time in your relationship. It’s a given that over time that honeymoon period fizzles out a bit, but it’s often replaced by that nice sense of familiarity, which I believe is often a positive thing.

With that familiarity and a deeper, more meaningful relationship often comes the inevitable change of sexual habits, and it’s true to say that sex can sometimes go through a dry patch or period of predictability.

Whatever the reasons are for your partner’s reduced interest in having sex, it is important to raise the issue and try to discuss it with him. By keeping it bottled up and not having an open conversation about your current situation, you risk becoming resentful and that may turn the issue into something bigger. It’s not often an easy subject to talk to your partner about, but communication is key to resolving things.

When talking about your worries around your sex life, perhaps you could take the angle of being concerned about your partner and asking him if he is ok. There could be a number of reasons why he isn’t as interested in sex as he used to be. He may have a lot on his mind or be stressed. He could be depressed or not feeling well. Or it could be possible that he simply has a reduced sex drive. Whatever the reason is, it’s important to be supportive and keep that line of communication open.

The fact that you remain intimate and enjoy kissing and cuddling is a positive, and perhaps that’s a way to begin the conversation; by saying you enjoy the intimacy, but are concerned about the lack of actual sex and wonder if your partner is ok. This will show that you treasure what you have, feel able to talk about your worries, but also that you care about your partner.

There is bound to be a reasonable, understandable explanation for the lack of sexual interest. I hope that by opening up the lines of communication and speaking to each other about the issue, you’re able to overcome it and enjoy a happy sex life once more.

PAUL SZABO

1. Whilst sex is an important part of any relationship, it is not the most important thing.

2. There is a compromise to be had – as both of you need to be happy.

3. Try initiating sex in different ways, or try other things instead of sex – try giving / having a nice massage or have a shower together.

4. Set up a regular date night, where you go out on a romantic date.

5. Try asking him about what he would like to do in the bedroom – he may be gagging to roll around smothered in peanut butter, but is too embarrassed to ask / talk to you about. Have a chat about your fantasies and start to introduce them.

6. If all else fails, you need to have a frank chat with him and say that whilst you appreciate it is not everything, sex is important to you and you would like to share such an intimate and personal thing with him. If you don’t want to blurt it out randomly in the advert break of Coronation Street, then agree a time with him to have a discussion. Don’t frame it as “this is your problem and your fault” – more as “you are really important to me and we need to be honest with each other, because I want this relationship to work”. Don’t make him feel small about it, or have a go at him. Approach it as a joint issue.

7. If you can’t get over this impasse, then you have to think about whether you should continue to be together – it depends on what compromise you can reach and how important sex is to you.

8. Whatever you do, don’t go looking elsewhere for sex behind his back. If you do, you risk losing him all together.

9. If both of you want to be together, but he does not want to increase the amount of sex to a level you want, then give some thought to you both having an open relationship. However, whilst this may suit some people, it does not suit everyone. Set ground rules and agree on things such as whether you will tell each other when, where and with whom, or whether you both agree not to discuss it at all. Open relationships can lead to feelings of anxiety, jealousy, arguments and mistrust – even if you both think that you are happy with it at the outset. If you do decide to go down this route, then always practice safe sex.
Advice and views expressed in this article mustn’t be taken as professional advice. These are the thoughts and experiences of real-life writers and their advice may not work for every person. If you’d like to talk to someone about issues you are facing we wholeheartedly recommend calling Switchboard.

Have you got a dilemma you’d like our writers and experts to answer? Fill in the form below. We won’t share your details with anyone outside THEGAYUK.
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5th September 2016
DILEMMA | My husband wants to be a drag queen – I think our marriage is over

This week a reader is trying to keep his marriage together as his husband decides to become a drag queen. Concerned that the relationship is about to fall apart he writes to THEGAYUK’s Dannii Cohen.

CREDIT: © feedough | Depositphotos

Dear Dannii

I’m a bit lost on what to do. My husband has decided to become a drag queen – and he’s actually become quite well-known in a relatively short time. Problem is that it’s tearing us apart and we never see each other anymore.

We used to have very similar jobs with similar hours – but now he’s always travelling the country and abroad. I’m not jealous of other guys. I know he’s being faithful, but I can’t see this working. He’s changed a lot, personality wise, he’s become a lot more feminine, and I feel him drifting away from me. He’s started talking a lot more about his work, how his drag half is really important to him and that sometimes he just wants to hang about as his drag persona – even when he’s not performing. Could he be wanting to transition?

As I said, I’m just not sure, But I’m really unhappy about the changes, but at the same time I don’t want to throw away 6 years of our relationship.

What should I do?

Dear Reader,

This is an interesting and difficult problem. Not knowing all the details, except for the ones you have given me in your letter it is hard to give you any concrete advice but I will try to.

Has your husband ever shown any interest in drag or transgender issues prior to the last few months? No-one suddenly decides to become a drag artist so it should be something that has been on his mind for a long time, bursting to come out. As this is a big step it is understandable that it brings a lot of changes with it and some might be uncomfortable to his friends and family.

Starting out in drag and sustaining a professional career in it can be very all-consuming so his obsession doesn’t necessarily mean he wants to transition. If you watch documentaries about drag or something like RuPaul’s drag race you can see that to most drag artists it’s their whole life. But not many of the contestants want to be a full-time women. It is just building a character and finding the right look and act that takes a very long time to perfect. Dressing in drag around the house could be part of this: a lot of drag artist do this to keep in touch with the character and make her feel natural to them.

Becoming a little more feminine is only to be expected as over time the character might slip into day life sometimes. Becoming successful relatively quickly might also have something to do with it.

My main suggestion is to talk to your husband: begin by showing an interest in what he does. Compliment his outfits/jokes/characters. Have you seen his act recently? Join him on a few shows that are nearby. If he’s travelling in the weekend, try to join him on a trip. Stay in touch by texting, calling, Skype.

Showing an interest might help both of you as you become more familiar with his life and his act.
This will help you get more involved in his new life and over time it might feel less strange to you.

Showing that you are actively trying to understand is especially important because if you were to just out of the blue go: “I feel a bit awkward about this”, or: “are you transgender”, it might come across as hostile or even an attack or insult.

Ask how being a woman makes him feel then, one day ask, as casual as possible if he’d want to be a woman full time.

If he says yes you can make up your mind about the relationship and if you’d want to continue as a couple or remain friends.

If he says no but you still feel unhappy about all the changes, sadly ending the relationship might be best.
Always with love,
Dannii

Have you got a dilemma you’d like us to answer? Click here to visit our dilemmas page.

4th September 2016
COLUMN | The diary of a 20 something single picky realist – I’m like Australia, if you don’t have the skills you’re not coming in.

I’m like Australia, if you don’t have the skills you’re not coming in.

You may remember that a little while ago I wrote an article on speed dating, and then another on gay dating apps. Now, with these powerful tools and a sense of decency about me (apparently) you’d think by now I’d be snapped up and happily taking soppy photos for Instagram. Well surprise, I’m not! That’s not through a lack of trying mind you but I am quickly coming to a conclusion that to know your own mind is to have a lonely mind.

Dating really is a mine field if you have your wits about you and know what you are looking for (within reason). I see countless examples where people who aren’t that fussy who they land with so long as they land with someone that go on these awkward (and from the outside appear to be utterly dull) dates and claim to have a whale of a time. Now while I don’t want to steal from their enjoyment, awkward dates usually mean chemistry and rapport issues. The two things that, if gotten right, usually lead to bigger and brighter things.

So a date I went on once, the lead up to it was perfectly normal, seemed nice and chatty, we appeared to have a lot in common and eventually decided to go for a few drinks in Shoreditch – somewhere a bit different! Well, the person who turned up was not the person I had been speaking to. Now I accept that people get nervous, so being the outward person I am, I try to put them at ease with what I know they’ve said they enjoy. And I give it a little time, as time often relieves nerves. But this guy was just not out going by any stretch of the imagination, confidence levels through the floor and appeared to have abandoned any common interests we had. After the first bar I thought it would naturally be a good point to end but he wanted to continue. So, as I’m a game bird I ran with it. But the night just got worse not better.

After about three hours of an utter car crash of a date we parted ways and while I was sat on the train home wondering about what stiff drink I could have when I got in, he text me saying what a wonderful time he’d had and that we should do it again? I thought it was a wrong number at first as he clearly wasn’t at the same date I was at. I politely outlined that there was no connection there and thanked him for his time but seriously? I know I can be away on other planets some days but this was just something else.

That click that you have with someone, to me is of major importance. So if you don’t even click when talking online then why on earth would I travel half way across London just to put a face to a tinder profile? It’s just not going to happen. But when you try and outline that, suddenly you’re the bad guy for ‘leading them on’. When did conversation to try and establish rapport become ‘leading someone on’?

Sometimes too much rapport can even be a deal breaker. Another date I went on involved a guy that was far too eager. Was terribly interested in everything I did and was about, probed far deeper than the level of small talk into my life and history. But when I wanted to know about his, the answers were often vague or very high level. For me, personally, while it’s nice that someone takes a keen interest in you (doesn’t happen often these days) if they have no substance behind it for themselves then what or who are you dating? Just an empty shell that wants to fill their own lives with yours. Am I that far out there by wanting someone who has their own world and we have a mutual wish to enter each other’s worlds?

On the flip side of that I appreciate that people can be too picky after a while. Small things like how you think they’ll get on with friends, or if they can be presented to work colleagues become deal breakers and let’s be honest they aren’t really deal breakers in the grand scheme of things. But after a few car crashes you do start to look at these things and seriously wonder when talking to them online “can I take you to the work winter social…. Hmmmmm maybe not…. NEXT!”.

I may or may not be guilty of doing that.

Friends certainly accuse you of it. The amount of times I get told that I’m being too picky and that I’m still single because of it drives me up the wall. A string of bad dates does not equal picky. Getting rid of dates for small reasons (a hair out of place for example) is being picky. As someone who is so very far away from perfect I don’t reject people on that basis. But if there is no connection, no rapport and their idea of a good date is awkward silence then sorry peeps, I’ll be as picky as the Australian immigration system. If you haven’t got the skills, you aren’t coming in.

Dating is generally a bit of a minefield but to my fellow single pringles I say this, there is nothing wrong with knowing what you will and won’t accept. But be realistic, keep yourself firmly in the practical world and something will come along. And if you haven’t already I do recommend speed dating. Even the pickiest or clingiest singles have their picky/clinginess tested with a room full of 27 other gay men. For the record I turned up to the last one looking like a scene from Bridget Jones, wet (it was raining), pale (I had a cold) and smelly (it had been a long day and a very stuff train). I wouldn’t have picked me either!!!

I suspect this will be the first of a series of posts on this. Sharing some my experiences plus some others experiences too. Seeing how we can all navigate the dating world to get the most out of it, or at the very least, get some enjoyment out of it.

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29th August 2016
THE UNDATEABLE GAY | His Second Chance

So, I’m laying in bed the morning after the night before.

In case your memory needs jogging, the night before was when Houdini, AKA Michael twat bag wank piece, vanished from sight on our first date. Ooh, if my mum is reading this, she will wash my mouth out with fairy liquid.

I roll over and pull open the curtains. Cor, the sun hits my eyes like a slap around the chops with a wet cod. And the realisation dawns on me that the previous night’s date was not a dream. It was a harsh reality. What could have happened to him?

I suddenly become all drama queen. What if he was kidnapped? What if he’s laying in the bottom of the Thames, with bricks tied to his feet? Before my imagination runs anymore wilder than John Wayne’s stallion, my phone beeps with a text message. My jaw slaps down on my blue pillowcase like a sack of potatoes. It’s only from Michael.

My first instinct is to lob my phone out of the window. But my calm, non-drama queen side kicks in and I decide to press open on the message instead. what a novel idea.

“I’m really sorry about last night. Everyone decided to move on to another club and we couldn’t find you to tell you.”

Mmm, my mind starts ticking. It seems a plausible excuse but then I think, why didn’t you just text me last night to tell me where you were?? I quickly text him my thought and he replies,

“I was just so drunk. I didn’t think. Sorry again.”

At least I now know he’s not a captive on some pirate ship or fish food at the bottom of the Thames.

As I drag myself from my pit, he texts again.

“Do you wanna do something tonight?”

My nostrils flare like George’s dragon. The bare-faced cheek of the man. Actually, not man. Boy.
But then I suddenly think to myself, I can’t be a bitter old queen for the rest of my living days.

“I’m going to an aerobics class with my mate tonight. You’re welcome to join.”

He accepts. But how events unfold later, it’s a decision he comes to regret.

Cue my very long and dear best friend, Tullene. Hell hath no fury like this girl when her gay best friend has been scorned by a boy.

I drive to Michael’s house and he jumps in the front seat. He is very bashful but he starts talking and I decide to let bygones be bygones. As we pull up outside Tullene’s house, I see her walk towards the car abnormally and uncharacteristically fast. She throws a death glare at Michael. If looks could kill, he’d been ten foot under. I can’t work out whether it’s her protective nature or the fact that she’s had to sit in the back of the car.

The car journey to the leisure centre is rather frosty and for a girl with a gob the size of the Grand Canyon, it’s also very quiet. I break the awkward silence.

“Tullene! This is Michael.”

Her nostrils flare. And if you know Tullene, this is a very scary prospect and sight.

“So you’re Michael? That scrawny little runt who just upped and left mark in a London club.”

She barked worse than a Jack Russell.

As if the car ride wasn’t awkward enough. I look in the rear view mirror and see Tullene’s ears doing an impersonation of a kettle.

Michael seemed lost for words which didn’t help his case against Tullene. She hates to be ignored. I see her arm reach for the seat belt and she goes to tug on it. I gasp and shout, “TULLENE!”
Phew! I saved the poor boy from seat belt strangulation.

In my capacity as peace maker, I defuse the situation.

“I’ve given Michael a second chance. So I’d really love it if you did too. For me.”

Her nostrils start to deflate to a normal size and I can see her starting to calm down. She also loosens her grip of his seat belt.

As we enter the aerobics class, I start to take a dislike to Michael’s personality. He’s very cocky and he actually begins to get on my moobs.

We manage to get through the aerobics class without talking and towards the end, he gets a stitch. It couldn’t have happened to a nicer person.

As we dab the sweat from our brows, I decide I can’t bear to spend another minute in the presence of Michael. I feel like I might develop a rash just by breathing the same air as him. We all go to get in the car and I turn to Michael.

“There’s only enough room for me and Tullene.”

His jaw drops.

“There’s a bus stop over there!”

Tullene high fives my orange palm and we drive off, leaving Michael doing a very impressive impression of a fish.
Now that’s gay power.

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21st August 2016