THEGAYUK

Tag: Relationships

All the latest breaking news on gay and LGBT relationships. Browse THEGAYUK’s complete collection of news, articles and commentary on relationships.

  • Is Your Sex Drive Polar Opposite From That Of Your Boyfriend?

    We all remember that first flush of love, when you meet that one man that pushes all your buttons to the point you have to leave the pub early because you just can’t keep your hands off each other. Sex is all consuming and you just can’t wait to see each other to get straight into bed, on the sofa, on the stairs, in the back of the car. But what happens when the initial flush of lust begins to fade and you find that through the process of domestic bliss you and your partner have very different sex drives.

    My sex drive has not waned from the levels of testosterone I felt as a pubescent schoolboy and still experience spontaneous erections and a desire to have sex every day, twice per day and three times on Sunday. My partner on the other hand having burned himself out during the honeymoon period has a very different and lesser sex drive. Whilst I would have to describe our sex life as good and satisfying I still want it more. Despite the assumption many gay men prefer to be promiscuous and involve other people to purge this desire for sex, it is possible to remain in a committed monogamous relationship when your sex drives are polar opposites.

    Finding the common ground is definitely the key, but when you are as rampant as an adolescent on Viagra and your partner would rather have a cup of tea where do you go? Planned sex? I can think of nothing worse than having a date and time in the diary of when you are going to get conjugal with each other but the allure of guaranteed sex after a night or dinner out does have its benefits. Spontaneity and allowing the partner with the lower sex drive to instigate sex will help but can be as frustrating as waiting for the number 9 on a Sunday service.

    Acceptance is the key, I had to see the point from the other side and that not everyone wants or needs as much sex as I do. Do I really need as much sex as I want? The answer is no. I accept that I have a wonderful partner, we share everything, have fun, a fulfilling sex life and a great life together, sex is an added bonus not the key to our relationship. I am more hung up on the act of having sex than the love and intimacy that goes with it in a committed relationship and accepting this and being able to discuss it with my partner has made the fact we have differing sex drives a non-issue.

    We have great sex, quick sex, long sex, bad sex, what do I have to complain about? We are in a long-term partnership and still having sex. Just not enough.

     

  • 70 Per Cent Of Americans Live With Gay Marriage. Here Is How It Happened

    Today 70% of Americans live in a state with legal same-sex marriage. 11 years ago it was zero.

    Next month after the United States Supreme Court rules it could be 100%. Watch this fascinating and heartwarming brief video from Vox on history in the making.

     

    @RogerWalkerDack

  • Gay Marriage: Our Tomorrow

    More than 100 LGBTQ organisations have launched a social media campaign called “Our Tomorrow” in advance of the Supreme Court ruling on marriage in June.

     

    The campaign encourages LGBTQ individuals and allies to “share their hopes, fears and ideas in their own words.”

    Masen Davis, Our Tomorrow’s outreach director announced:

    “Our Tomorrow is dedicated to engaging the full diversity of the LGBTQ community — from all parts of the country and all walks of life — in helping to shape our future.”

    Yesterday the group released a launch video containing seven inspirational stories.

  • Is Social Media Wrecking Your Relationship?

    Just under half of all Brits admit they have secretly checked their partner’s Facebook account and one in five went on to row about what they discovered, new research has revealed.

    One in seven said they had contemplated divorce because of their other halves activities on Facebook, Skype, Snapchat, Twitter or What’sApp.

    Nearly a quarter or the 2,000 married Brits asked, said they had at least one argument a week with their partner because of social media use and 17 per cent said they rowed every day because of it.

    The most common reasons for checking their partner’s social media accounts was to find out who their partner was talking to, to keep tabs on them, to check who they were out with and find out if they were telling the truth about their social life.

    While 14 per cent said they looked specifically to identify evidence of infidelity.

    The research was commissioned by family law specialists Slater and Gordon who have seen an increase in the number of people citing social media use as a cause of divorce year on year.

    Andrew Newbury, head of family law at Slater and Gordon said:

    “Social media can be a wonderful way of keeping in touch with family and friends, but it can also put added strain on a relationship.

    “Five years ago Facebook was rarely mentioned in the context of a marriage ending, but now it has become common place for clients to cite social media use, or something they discovered on social media, as a reason for divorce.

    “With more than 556 million people using Facebook each day, the way we live our lives, and our marriages, has drastically changed. We are finding that social media is the new marriage minefield.

    “Social media, specifically pictures and posts on Facebook, are now being routinely raised in the course of divorce proceedings.”

    It wasn’t just what their partner was doing on social media but also how long they spent on it that was likely to cause marital problems with Facebook usage topping the list of reasons couples argued over social media.

    Arguments were also caused because of contact with an ex-partner, sending secret messages and posting inappropriate photos.

    One in twenty even complained that their partner didn’t post any pictures of them together which made them upset.

    Fifteen per cent of Brits considered social media to be dangerous to their marriage, with Facebook considered the most dangerous, followed by WhatsApp, Twitter and Instagram.

    But one in ten admitted they hid images and posts from their partner, while eight per cent admitted to having secret social media accounts.

    A fifth of respondents said they felt uneasy about their relationship after discovering something on their partner’s Facebook. 43 per cent said they confronted their spouse immediately about this, but 40 per cent said it took them some time before they felt comfortable to raise it with their partner.

    While a third said they kept their social media log-in details a secret from their partners, 58 per cent said they knew their partner’s log-in details, even if their spouse wasn’t aware they knew them.

    Andrew Newbury, head of family law at Slater and Gordon said:

    “Social media can also make a divorce more difficult. Divorce is already a stressful time for everyone involved and what is being posted on Facebook can antagonise families and make a speedy resolution more difficult to achieve.

    “We are now actively advising our clients to be cautious when it comes to using Facebook and all forms of social media because of its potential to damage relationships.”

     

    Have you ever checked on your partner’s social media or other profiles?

    Yes
    No

    Poll Maker


    TOP FIVE TIPS FOR COUPLES USING SOCIAL MEDIA

     

    1. Don’t post in anger. Your post will be seen by all your friends, family and potentially millions of others. Even if you later delete your post, the damage will have been done.

    2. Be respectful. Don’t complain about your partner or other family members online.

    3. Be transparent. Check with your partner before you post images or information.

    4. Check your privacy settings. You might think someone can’t see a post when they actually can.

    5. Take a break and enjoy the moment. You don’t need to post everything on Facebook

  • WE ASKED: Is It Better To Meet Online Or In Real Life?

    We asked our lovely readers whether they thought it was better to meet potential partners online or in real life situations.

    is it better to meet people in real life or on an app
    CREDIT: bigstock-kalim

    Here’s what a select few said:

    Daniel Taylor

    I met my bf on grindr and still together 2 yrs later

    James Gerrie

    Met mine online, chatted for 3 months then met in real life. 6 months later moved 450 miles from my home to the city to where I am now and that was over 3-years-ago but realise this isn’t for everyone

    Just Jezz Greatrix

    Never meet strangers

    Josh Djentleman Smith

    You mean people actually date off grindr and gaydar? When did this happen?

    Rob Hand

    Don’t suppose it matters really where you meet, it’s all down to the person you meet and connect with, most on dating apps are after one thing but same could be said for those you meet in real life! All generally down to the type of person they are

    HAVE YOUR SAY:

  • Is this the most romantic proposal ever? Instagram boyfriends get engaged

    Two men who found love on Instagram have become engaged via the social network, in a heart-warming video surprise.

    Ryan and Scott get engaged / YouTube
    Ryan and Scott get engaged / YouTube

    Ryan and Scott have been together ever since they met via Instagram. Last week, Ryan asked Scott to marry him after a day of secret tasks sent via instagram messages. The video on YouTube has gone viral clocking up nearly 70,000 views.

    Speaking to TheGayUK Ryan said, “Scott and I met on Instagram (@scttsndr and @ryanpdonegan) and have been inseparable ever since. I created his perfect day of surprises (including out of town friends and family) for him using Instagram to post clues along the way.

    “I grew up in a Southern state here in the US where gay rights are few, so I think it’s important to share our stories.”

  • New, Free 24-Hour Sexual Health Service With Results By Text Is Now Live

    A unique new online sexual health service allows people to test themselves for STIs in the privacy of their own home and get results by text message within seven days.

    (more…)

  • Gay Brits Can Now Marry In 24 New Countries

    The Foreign office has confirmed that LGBT brits can now marry at 24 British consulates in 24 countries around the world.

    (C) TheGayUK
    (C) TheGayUK

    Gay Brits who wish to get married aboard will now have the choice to do so in 24 countries including, Azerbaijan, Bolivia, Cambodia, Chile, China, Colombia, Costa Rica, Dominican Republic, Estonia, Germany, Hungary, Japan, Kosovo, Latvia, Lithuania, Mongolia, Montenegro, Nicaragua, Peru, Philippines, Russia, Serbia, and Vietnam.

    The FOC said the number of countries where same-sex couples could wed was limited to 24 because “British missions are only able to provide a same sex marriage service in countries where it is not possible for British nationals to have such a marriage under local law and where the local authorities have given permission for the missions to conduct consular marriages of same sex couples.”

    Same-sex couples will now be able to marry at the British consulates in Russia, despite its archaic anti-gay law and Azerbaijan, which currently carries one of the lowest ILGA ratings for LGBT equality in Europe.

  • Five Things Straight Men Who Sleep With Gay Guys Should Know

    On Monday, New Next Now reported on a straight-identified Redditor who recently hooked up with a gay man. Afterwards, the man finds himself right in the middle of a Sam Smith song; he decides he actually is hetero, but fears the gay man wants to take the relationship to the next level. (more…)

  • Advice: How To Deal With A Breakup

    Lots of people hope to meet someone special and to live the rest of their lives with them. It seems to be a drive in us. But in the physically-focused gay world, most of us jump from short term relationships to short term relationship. Causing great pain and questions about how good we are and how attractive we are.

    But if we do break-up so often why is it so painful? Most therapists believe that ending a relationship is similar to losing someone through death. The future together and plans of happiness are smashed. And it doesn’t matter if you broke up with them or they broke up with you, the pain of not having that person around can be great.

    The end of a relationship needs to be mourned. To move on you have to go through the pain of accepting the loss and change in your life. And it takes time. This is something that cannot be instantly be fixed. Jumping into activities or new relationships may help a little but won’t sure everything. They may be a distraction but in the end the loss of a relationship will catch up with you.

    First thing is to focus on yourself. Find time for just you and think, and perhaps cry, over the future you are now not going to have. List your good points and even ask your friends to tell you what they see your good points are.

    Write a letter to your ex but please, please do not send it. Tell him or her why you are better off without them, and why you will find an even better relationship. Put it away for 2 days, then read it and tear it up or burn it. You may want to repeat this exercise a few times as you begin to get over the break-up.

    Good friends will want to help but may feel awkward and maybe not sure what to do. Friends who deal with their breakups by denying them may encourage you to find someone new. There are those who think if you have fallen off a bicycle the best thing is to get back on quickly. But only you can decide how quickly you want to recover. Most of us need time to reflect and to heal our wounds.

    Of course, there is the temptation to get back together again with that partner if only to prove that there is nothing wrong with you. To prove that you are still attracted to them. maybe even to show them what they are missing. And it can be seen as a great way to ease the loneliness. Happy couples all around you may encourage you to think that you still could be happy too. And yes it might happen. Only you will know why you really broke up, and only you will know whether the relationship can be sorted or not.

    If you feel you may get back together then stop and look critically at what the problem with your relationship was. Was it just sex driven? Unromantic I know, but you need to be practical. What were the problems and are they really repairable?

    This may be a time where you need to talk to someone independent. Talking to someone who is not part of your life could add to how you see your life and relationships and may help you find your way forward. But your happiness is important. If you are not happy with your relationship get out. There will be someone out there for you. It just may take a bit of time to find them.

  • OP ED: Domestic Violence: We need to talk about the female perpetrator

    As we are coming up to International Women’s Day Broken Rainbow UK would like to discuss the on-going issue in contemporary society of the female perpetrator and how we come to terms with her existence.

    For many this is an uncomfortable conversation to have, but having it does not undermine the decades of work by feminist movements in raising awareness of men’s violence against women. Talking about the issue doesn’t mean that domestic violence isn’t overwhelmingly a gendered issue, but what it does mean is that the conversation needs to be broader and the support in place more inclusive.

    For too long we appear to have been convinced domestic violence and abuse can only occur between a man and a woman in a heterosexual relationship and it is high time we try and understand that women in same-sex relationships can be as violent and abusive as their male counterparts.

    Following the sentencing of the mother of the killed eight-year-old girl Ayesha Ali and her partner this week, it has become very clear just how the female perpetrator is described as someone ‘possessed’ or ‘acting like a witch’ rather than an individual who has committed a crime.

    This in many ways belittles the violent act committed by these two women and also makes a very complex and traumatic series of events, into a very simplified and one-sided narrative.

    It is clear that the child and the mother were both subject to systematic domestic abuse and violence by the mother’s partner. The mother in this situation must be understood as simultaneously a victim and perpetrator of violence.

    As an LGBT confidential helpline for victims and perpetrators of domestic violence and abuse Broken Rainbow supports many female perpetrators of violence and we are aware of the complexity of the situation and the constant silencing of the issue.

    We need to start recognising that just as heterosexual men can be violent and abusive, so can women, and that these acts are not ‘supernatural’ but in fact sadly form part of many people’s every day life, heterosexual as well as LGBT. Embracing a traditional narrative about domestic violence, that women are victims of male violence, doesn’t just mean that same sex violence falls through the cracks. It also means that children like Ayesha living in abusive households with same sex parents stand a much better chance of survival.

    by Jo Harvey Barringer

    Broken Rainbow: http://www.brokenrainbow.org.uk