THEGAYUK

Tag: Relationships

All the latest breaking news on gay and LGBT relationships. Browse THEGAYUK’s complete collection of news, articles and commentary on relationships.

  • THE UNDATEABLE GAY | When A Date Turns Ugg-ly

    So, here I am. In Soho, waiting at a fondue restaurant. My date is called Simon. He is a buyer for Mulberry. Mmm, now I’m no shallow man but this instantly excites me. He must have a rather decently sized….bank account! Not that finances is an instant winner for me. But it does help. I can’t have anyone wanting to feed from my bank account.

    As he enters, I find he is rather pleasing on the eye. A bonus point in his favour. I know people say that looks aren’t everything but I really couldn’t imagine sh*gging someone who looks like the back end of the N7. All red and fumes squirting from every orifice. That is definitely no turn on for moi.

    We spark instantly. He talks of mulberry handbags. I have a rather sparse knowledge of mulberry handbags. My friend is a manager for one of their stores at Heathrow. She hardly talks about the brand but I know enough to engage in the conversation. This reminds me of a funny moment we once shared in Mexico. She was talking about handbags but mishearing, she thought we were taking the p*ss out of her. My manager friend turned her head and said, “I know my f***ing materials!”

    My mouth, open wide, dropping to my sun lounger, said “what?” Realising we weren’t taking the piss, she continued her conversation. To this day, I have no recollection of why she thought we were being detrimental to her career.

    After realising that he failed to find this conversation amusing, I thought I should leave the restaurant. But my mother always taught me, “if you start something, you must see it through.” I could hear her London accent echo through my ears. She was my inspiration to carry on.

    We shared a cheese fondue. It was all sticky and gooey. We were dipping bread sticks in like it was a euphemism for what was to come later. And at this point, I really did think the euphemism would come to fruition. We finished our main and we had had a few belly laughs. Belly laughs? Surely that means a second date is on the cards. We ordered a desert. If you stay for dessert, you are bound to be invited for coffee. And one hopes the coffee ain’t going to be at the restaurant table.

    Desert of chocolate fondue with marshmallows finished, I suggest we frequent G-A-Y late for a cocktail and a dance. Praying it’s not a cliche, he accepts. As we enter the bar, he goes up and orders me a sex on the beach. Yes, I admit, that is my cocktail of choice. Yes, I admit, I am a slut and hope this engages my date’s brain to adopt this thought process. Unlucky for me, it fails and he doesn’t decide to whisk me off to Brighton beach for a quickie.

    As I get over the fact he isn’t going to whisk me off to the beach, I remember that I have purchased brand new UGG boots! Excited to show off my new purchase, I cock my leg up. Well, the bastard doesn’t believe they are real. At his disbelief, I cock my leg higher to show off the UGG logo. One too many sex on the beach and I lose my balance. My hand lands directly in his genitalia region. If it wasn’t for my fake tan, you would be able to see my red-faced embarrassment. I apologise but the frigid kn*b thinks it’s a come on. “That’s a bit forward!” He proclaims. “It was an accident.” I protest. He gets up and leaves the club. Yes, leaving me all on my todd in this club. He obviously isn’t the man for me. Is any man? God only knows.

     

    Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.

  • 25 Signs You Are With The Right Man

    25 Signs You Are With The Right Man

    We used to say it with flowers — but now the true sign of modern love is a change in Facebook status from ‘single’ to ‘in a relationship’, according to new research.

    A survey asking 2,000 adults about the modern signs of true love found a massive 64 per cent said updating on social media makes a new relationship ‘official’. Having your partner’s photo as your desktop background, using their name for your online passwords and saving their favourite shows to your Netflix account were also named as modern signs of true love.

    Amazingly, over a third of adults confessed they would say ‘I love you’ for the first time in a text, instant message or video chat.

    A spokeswoman for gifting website GettingPersonal.co.uk, which carried out the survey, said,

    ‘’As technology and the internet has taken over our lives, of course our relationship habits have changed too.

    ‘’Traditional romantic gestures of showing our love have now been replaced by texts, Facebook updates and picture messages, which is a real shame.

    ‘’Being romanced the old fashioned way with a card or gift (or even a love note) is so much more personal than a social media status or wall post and shows that special person just how much they mean to you.

    ‘’After all, when it comes to true love, you don’t want to cut corners.’’

    The research also found being in constant contact is indicative of a modern relationship – with the average couple texting or instant messaging each other seven times throughout the day. Texting habits were often mentioned amid the list of true love, with 13 per cent who said they’d rather send a soppy text than buy a spontaneous gift for their partner. Sending a text in the morning and night is the done thing if living separately, said a quarter of adults – as well as sending one more when arriving somewhere safely.

    Signing greeting cards from both of you, coming home from a night out to be with them and feeling strange having the bed to yourself were all named as modern signs of a serious relationship.

    Interestingly, the results showed independence to be important in modern love, with many who said being able to have your own bank accounts and your own friends are signs of true love.

    The study found many look to Facebook to confirm a relationship – as a huge 63 per cent of adults said they’ve only found out about a friend’s new partner because of their profile updates. s well as a change in online relationship status, things are serious with a partner if they’re Facebook friends with your family members, said 19 per cent of adults.

    And one in ten said a committed partner would ‘tag’ them on social media to let their friends know they’re on a date.

    The spokeswoman said,

    ‘’The results show that sadly, nowadays we often rely on a text or status update to express how we feel about our partner.

    But sometimes it’s the real-life gestures that are the most important.’’

    THE MODERN SIGNS OF TRUE LOVE

    1. Signing greeting cards from both of you

     

    2. Come home to them early when on a night out

     

    3. Not wearing make-up or doing your hair

     

    4. Feeling strange when you have the bed to yourself

     

    5. Updating to ‘In a relationship’ on Facebook

     

    6. Knowing what to order them when getting a takeaway

     

    7. Being in constant contact, through texts, instant messages or calls

     

    8. Texting when arriving somewhere so they know you’re safe

     

    9. Texting goodnight/morning texts if you aren’t staying together

     

    10. Having their photo as your desktop background/phone wallpaper

     

    11. Buying their favourite food when grocery shopping

     

    12. Answering the door to them in pyjamas/trackie bottoms

     

    13. Having your own bank accounts/cash as well as a shared account

     

    14. Your family members ‘adding’ your other half on social media

     

    15. No longer being envious of your friends’ single lives

     

    16. Finding yourself getting them spontaneous gifts based on private jokes

     

    17. Each having your own friends, not just ‘couple friends’

     

    18. Finishing off each other’s sentences

     

    19. Enjoying doing their laundry when they’ve been staying with you

     

    20. Having their favourite shows saved to your Netflix account

     

    21. Tagging them on Facebook when you’re out together/on a date

     

    22. Using his/her name or birthday for online passwords

     

    23. Wearing one of his t-shirts to bed

     

    24. Leaving a long line of kisses at the ends of texts or messages

     

    25. Going on a diet/cutting out alcohol when they do

  • The Queen Is Happy For Us (Queens)

    According to newly-wed STEPHEN FRY who revealed when he was a guest on THE JONATHAN ROSS SHOW, Her Majesty is delighted with the fact that we can now get married.

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  • OPINION | No Time Wasters

    There is a photograph in a grid. Taken in the harsh yet flattering light of a locker room. You click on the picture and then read the shopping list.

    ”Vers”

    ”Under 40”

    ”Smooth”

    ”Muscle”

    ”Neg Guys only”

    And then there is it; the three word clause, so common as to be almost a default mantra of the hook up app profile;

    ”No Time Wasters”

    You do a quick sum and calculate the amount of time it will take to travel the 1.2km it says he is away. Hey, you may be horny but you’re busy too and can only spare an hour. Two max.

    So please don’t waste my time.

    We know just what those words on the phone screen mean. Showering and douching for the fit muscle guy a couple of streets away that never shows. The chain of hot cock pictures that abruptly goes cold. In order to secure a casual Sunday afternoon hungover f**k, we write it on the list. When you encounter yet another one; curse those f’king apps and I AM gonna delete all them this time for definite; it becomes another piece of evidence to pluck out and present how all gay men are shit.

    So we write it down. If only to save ourselves from minor irritation. After all that half an hour spent negotiating could have been invested in a hot bloke who followed through. It’s annoying isn’t it… Every gay man can swap war stories of the casual time waster that’s inconvenienced him, the ones who don’t show up, the guy that didn’t text back.

    Much has been documented about the ”Together Alone” nature of social media and how isolating the faux intimacy of virtual relationships can be. There is something brutal about how the Grindr and Scruff’s of the online world at their most ruthlessly efficient can pare interaction down to the bare minimum. Why spend half a day traveling into the city to engage in drinks ‘n small talk with a good looking potential conquest when one can in theory be naked with a like minded individual in the vicinity via the exchange of a few messages?

    At a time when we are told we work on average far longer hours than our parent’s generation, it’s hardly surprising that more so than ever time has become a currency not to be squandered. In the prehistoric pre web days, quick casual sex was the domain of the scuzzier gentlemen’s toilet and public park cottages. Now though, due to health fears, the risk of law and advances in portable technology, sex on the doorstep has become infinitely more convenient. Not unlike putting in a grocery order online. Witness the amount of gay businessmen away from home who reach for the smart phone and check out who’s nearby barely a split second after the hotel room door is shut.

    It’s true that No Time Wasters has become a hook up app cliché but it’s there though because phones and laptops have made us increasingly impatient and searching for what’s instant. No matter how small the investment we’ve made with that currency.

    Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.

  • ADVICE | How To Last Longer In Bed

    ADVICE | How To Last Longer In Bed

    It’s happened to the best of us. At the worst of times.

    You’re halfway through your performance with a totally hot guy you just met, when without warning your little Mister calls time. Yes, you’ve spaffed your load without warning. The little swimmers are taking a curtain call as you mutter “I’m so sorry, i.. i…” (I mean, what do you say as he’s riving in agony with man juice in his eye….. ‘It Burrrrrnnnns’)

    Here are our top tips to making sure you last longer in the sack.

    1) Homework

    The best part of this lesson is that you get to do homework and as much of it as you like. A wank is a key element to why many men prematurely blow their loads. Why? Well if you train yourself to cum quite quickly when you’re alone, the chances are that you will do exactly the same when you’re with a partner. So next time your palm is dating your dick, work your way up to 15 minutes, 20 minutes and for those who have cocks of rock try 30 minutes.

    How to last longer in bed?
    (C) BIGSTOCK

    Try bringing yourself to the point of no return and stopping. Giving yourself a moment to relax and start again.

    NEXT >>> (go for a second round)

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  • OPINION | Is porn the gay community’s worst enemy for monogamy?

    One of the most functional gay relationships I know is an open one. Both of them are well-educated professionals in their late twenties. They’ve been together for years. I hear one speak of the other and I can’t help but feel jealous. It’s obvious to anyone that they are so in love with each other. But I struggle to understand how they can be so in love whilst in an open relationship.

    My theory is that it all comes down to porn. We discover porn during adolescence. Be we gay or straight, every teenage boy seeks it out and finds it in some capacity. It soon becomes a daily routine. As it is a depiction of sex, it has become one of the cornerstones of the gay community. As such, it has become the enemy within.

    The problem with porn is that it is (as we all know) a fantasy. It’s not real. Clever make-up tricks, good lighting and flattering camera angles all conspire to create that which is impossible to mimic every moment of the day and night. But what we see on our laptop screens are people having sex – which is a reality.

    The struggle that so many of us seem to have with monogamy is that we expect the sexual aspect of a relationship to live up to the fantasy of porn.

    Once the novelty of our new boyfriends wear off, our minds drift to the fulfilment we could potentially receive from someone else. That someone else – he could be that little bit more aggressive. He might do that one thing your boyfriend casually mentioned in passing that he would never do. He might even have a six-pack. To me, the allure of “what could be” is why I actively chose not to pursue relationships at university – where binge drinking, casual sex and drugs were not only accepted, but also encouraged.

    Porn is so easily accessed now that it’s effects have become diluted. We seek images and videos that are more explicit. So the choice has expanded. Most porn sites now categorise their videos into subgenres. This has caused us to develop sexual profiles.

    We all have to be ‘into something’ nowadays.

    I recall back at university (a time when I actively decided I wanted to be promiscuous to the frequency of about one guy a fortnight) I met a guy in a club and he asked me back to his. He was attractive and just as drunk as I was so I agreed. We started talking flirtatiously about our preferences for a solid twenty-five minutes.

    Alas, when I said I wasn’t prepared to indulge his foot fetish, he just said: “ah, cheers anyway, mate. See ya.” I saw him a few hours later as I was leaving the club. He was sat on his own, typing voraciously on Grindr.

    Like Jordan Lohan, I couldn’t handle an open relationship. He says he doesn’t like to share, as he is an only child. I myself am the fourth of five children. Growing up, everything that was mine would eventually have to be split five ways. I feel as though I have shared enough. A boyfriend/husband would have to be for me and me alone. But in terms of taking our model of monogamy from straight people, this is something I struggle with.

    Yes, I am one of five. But my parents married when they were very young back in the 1970s and had five children between 1978 to 1990. In my twenty five years of life, I’ve only heard them argue four times and they are still happily married to this day. How could I ever possibly live up to that perfect example of monogamy?

    As a gay twenty-something man in 2014, it makes me think that the definition of monogamy does not vary by sexuality, but more our generation.

    The pure simplicity and convenience with which we can watch porn is a testament to our growing technology. But have technological advances coincided with the cultural acceptance of homosexuality at the worst possible time?

    We still face a lot of discrimination.

    But in the Western world, we are more accepted than ever before. Had this acceptance come about in the ’70s and ’80s, we may not struggle with monogamy now. In decades past, it was so much easier for gay men to have casual sex in secrecy than it was to have a relationship with the same discretion. Had we been accepted way back when, it might have given us a chance to master monogamy before the advent of porn showed us what we were supposedly missing.

    Porn is everywhere and all sexualities access it. The ease with which it can be accessed, and the frequency feed us a lie about a ‘world of options’. Why buy the cow when we can just have the milk?

    Porn has lied to us. It just created the illusion that we’re just too spoilt for choice.

     

    Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.

  • OPINION | Do We Need To Redefine The Term Marriage To Accommodate Our “Monogaymy”?

    MONOGAMY VS. MONOGAYMY

    Monogamy is not a board game that you used to play at Christmas with the family. Monogamy is not a kind of wood. Monogamy is to practice being with one person only and having sex with that one person only. I know just a handful of gay couples that have a strictly monogamous relationship. Is it old-fashioned or unrealistic to believe you can find happiness in one person?

    The majority of gay couples I know enjoy three-way, utilise Grindr with separate profiles, and indulge in chem-sex parties. It just seems so empty to me. However, these couples are not constantly arguing, striving to be in a different room/postcode from one another- they are very happy. The setup obviously works for them. In fact, it works extremely well as these are the couples that have been together for the longest time, and I am talking up to 20 years.

    For me, an open relationship would not be an option. If a partner even suggested inviting someone else into the bedroom, I would walk away. In a relationship, I want to be my partner’s ultimate, the one and only. Not a supplement, or “just enough”. And I do not share (only child). But, I can’t help feel I am missing out on a big secret, or rather, not quite being able to grasp that the key to a successful long lasting relationship, maybe it being an open one.

    I am single, and for the first time properly in about 11 years. I’m loving it, but I know the novelty will wear off… Perhaps. With the last 3 years being absorbed by absolute time wasters, the next time around, I want to do it properly. Is it bad to say I’m only 28 but am TIRED of dating? I would like the next guy I am with to be the one I end up marrying. Please.

    A lot of these couples that I type of being in open relationships are in fact married / civil partners. If I didn’t understand being in an open relationship with your boyfriend then I certainly am unable to grasp the idea of carrying that through into a marriage. Isn’t the whole essence of marriage to declare your love and devotion to each other? And no one else?

    Perhaps the guidelines, vows etc. of marriage are archaic and out-dated. Marriage is, after all, an extremely traditional concept. Whilst the world, humans, technology, music etc. evolve and grow, what is to say that we cannot rewrite/adapt such things as marriage. Do we need to redefine marriage?

    Gay people have a stigma of being promiscuous with our evident open-relationships, and the club drug sex party scene… I don’t even have to explain, you know we do! With gay rights being pretty much everywhere recently in the news along with gay marriage in particular. Do you think perhaps that in some instances, it may not have been homophobia that sparked people to be against gay marriage, but more that how can we expect a global nod to gay marriage when it would appear to others that a lot of gay couples lack the understanding or are unwilling to abide by what “traditional” marriage stands for?

    Perhaps, we need to take a long hard look at traditional concepts and re-write them according to the times. Perhaps we should not. With ever-evolving guidelines, it would surely ensure abolishment of the idea of tradition altogether. If we redefine terms to match our current normality, then what was normal before this normal? Tradition cannot exist without its contradiction. The task to redefine marriage and monogamy could become complicated as each partnership is different and are likely to have their own mandate when it comes to man dates.

    We are spacious with our sexuality compared to the clearly set span of straight relationships/marriage. Someone said to me recently that straight couples fall casualty to break-ups due to the monogamous regime, and gay partnerships last longer due to the ménage a trois/quatre/cinq/six set up.

    Maybe I have fallen victim to our world encouraging us to put things into categorised boxes and in this instance, I am unable to place where I currently stand and where I want to stand on the idea of someone else being intimate with my partner. What are your views on the subject? Do we need to redefine the term marriage to accommodate our “monogaymy”?

     

     

    Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.

  • SEX ADVICE: One Night Standards

    Durex RealFeel Sexpert Alix Fox has written about sex and relationships for everyone from Men’s Fitness to Bizarre magazine, so her nookie knowledge spans the whole sexual spectrum from beginner and vanilla to the most obscure and fascinating kooky kinks.

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  • SEX TIPS: How To Keep The Sex Exciting In A Long Term Relationship

    Rachael McCoy is an award-winning sex and relationship coach who is driven and inspired by helping others to achieve the relationship and sex life they have always wanted. We ask her how to keep the excitement going after the sights and the sounds of your wedding day is a distant memory.

    Have at least one night a month where you promise to turn all tech and outside distractions off and just spend time together. In this modern day we all have tablets, phones and other forms of gadgets that distract us away from quality time together.

    Aim to take it in turns to surprise the other person with a gift or experience that they really enjoy. A great tip on how to do this is to listen when your partner says things they like. Make a note in your phone and when they are least expecting it, spring it on them. They’ll be so grateful that you remembered.

    Erotic massage is a great treat that never gets old. When you know your husband/ wife has been having a stressful time, greet them one day after work with some massage oil, a candle lit (warm) room and work your magic to massage their stress away.

    Taking the time to cook your partner a nice meal is a lovely gesture as it shows your spending time and energy to do something thoughtful for them. Actually sitting down and eating together (not in front of the TV) is becoming less common these days too so make sure the table is set and you can both talk about your day/ week or life in general.

    Get a red light bulb and swap it with your normal bulb. It completely changes the look and atmosphere in the room, instantly making it feel very seductive and naughty.

    Going out with friends may not seem romantic at the time but socialising and ‘representing’ as a couple with friends is a really fun thing to do. In other people’s presence we tend to be more playful. It will give you lots of things to talk about and it’s something you can both enjoy together.

    Some spontaneous oral sex is always a pleasurable treat for a loved one. Catch them when they are nice and clean but not expecting your sexy treat. Make the effort to spend a decent amount of time working their ‘goodies’ with your lips and tongue.

    For an incredibly sentimental gift idea, how about putting together a collage of images. It will be even more romantic if you do it for no apparent reason, just to make them happy. There are plenty of apps that do this now or you could print off your favourite picture memories and cut them to fit nicely in a frame. It proudly shows your declaration of love and will definitely show your partner you care.

    Doing things separately may seem the opposite of romantic but actually it’s a very healthy thing to do in marriages (and relationships in general). As much as you love each other, living in each other’s pockets can become suffocating and predictable. Doing hobbies separately creates desire and interest into the other person, giving you both some great conversation too.

    Remember to show gratitude. In long term relationships it’s easy to forget to say the little things like ‘Thank you’ ‘I love this about you’ or ‘I’m so grateful for’. This mainly happens because we’ve said it so many times before and we just expect the other person to know. But it is imperative that you always remember to tell your husband/ wife these things regularly. It will make all the difference to your marriage and help ensure that it’s a long and happy one. ∎

    by Rachael McCoy

  • Ding dong; times up – My time with 28GaysLater

    I never know how to start an article. Do you start off on a good point? A question? A statement or even a show stopper? You want something that grabs attention while at the same time doesn’t scare people or make them think that you’re a bit of a nutter. Having said that, I do like the nutter route therefore this month’s opening statement is “Speed Dating – is it misunderstood?”★★★★

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  • NEWS: Johnny Weir Splits From Husband

    Johnny Weir, US Figure Skater has confirmed that he has split from his Husband.

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