THEGAYUK

Tag: Relationships

All the latest breaking news on gay and LGBT relationships. Browse THEGAYUK’s complete collection of news, articles and commentary on relationships.

  • COMMENT | Has social media taken over your life?

    The use of electronic communication over the past 5 to 10 years has boomed. Most of us use mobile phones and the majority of under 30-year-olds have smart phones. Computers are an integral part of our lives. Few send letters now. Most communicate through instant messaging and emails.

    Although these forms of communication are very useful they can also cause anxiety, encourage poor self-esteem and can be all-consuming to the extent of affecting friendships and work. The jury is out on whether texting and emailing is addictive, but for some their lives do seem to be controlled by social media.

    Here’s a test for you. What’s the first thing you do in the morning – look at your phone for messages? Have you ever gone out and forgotten your mobile? How did you react when you found out? When you last went out for a meal with friends did you or they read or respond to a text? How did that make you feel if it was them? If you have done more than one of these you are probably overly attached and might need to break that control.

    Research is beginning to show that social media may affect our self-esteem. You start comparing what you are doing and what your friends are doing and if their life feels more interesting you begin to think you are boring and wonder why they are friends with you. Your self-esteem drops. In some cases, to counteract this, you may make stories up and, if not careful, get trapped in a web of lies.

    This over-consuming need to be online and letting others know what you are doing can be tiring. You constantly need to portray an image and can seldom be yourself. Let’s agree that it is exciting to know what others are doing, if they are being chatted up or if their work is boring. But we all need time out. Time to be ourselves. Time to recharge.

    The hyper-state of involvement in others’ lives that technology brings can train us to be constantly online so that we don’t miss out. But as a species we have not yet evolved to be so inundated with information about others. Our own lives are complicated enough for us to deal with without constant bombardment from others.

    We need to rest our minds. So why not take control again of your life? Why not go straight to the shower in the morning and look at your phone when you have got ready to go out? Why not have a half day a week (to start with) when you will not be on-line and let everyone know this is what you are doing? It will be hard but this is just an indication of how attached and out of control you have become.

    Holidays are useful ways to rest the mind. To give it time to recharge. These time-outs are very beneficial and help to prevent stress and breakdowns. How about turning off your phone for half the day every day and focus on those you are with? It is great to tell everyone what you are doing on holiday. It can make you feel important. But how about becoming mysterious and keeping them wondering by holding back sending too many messages.

    Technology is great but it also has to work for you. It is there to serve us not for us to become its slave. Communicate electronically but remember face-to-face communications builds better relationships. Try to spend time with friends and lovers and give them your undivided attention.

     

    Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.

  • Everything you need for Valentine’s Dinner, Chocolate and Sex

    Valentine’s is one of those days you either enter with full spirit or try to avoid at all costs. However, it’s a general agreement that everyone loves a good dinner, tasty chocolates and pleasurable sex, be it with a partner or alone! so I’ve put together a little collection of treats to enjoy either by yourself or to share with a loved one this Feb 14th.

    DINNER: Carluccio’s | Carom Soho | Floridita
    Carluccio’s: If Italian is the love of your life then check out the delightful menu put together this Valentine’s at the nationwide Carluccio’s. Start with cannellini bean soup with sundried tomato pesto, pan roasted cod fillet and raspberry panna cotta with chocolate-dipped strawberries. 3 courses for £25.

    Carom: This Pan-Indian restaurant set in the heart of Soho, London has created a spicy menu to help put a tingle into any couples night including, jumbo tiger prawns with grilled madras, pan fried lobster kerala curry and heart-shaped toasted sandwich with saffron, nuts, cherry and chocolate. 3 courses for £42.40.

    Floridita: A Latin-American inspired evening awaits loved ones this Valentine’s. Set in Soho, London, a menu including; Cornish crab tarts, chargrilled fillet of beef on roasted red peppers and valrhona chocolate tart with raspberry and cream fraiche will be dished up with live Cuban entertainment. 3 courses for £49.

    CHOCOLATE: Cadbury With Love
    Cadbury has always been the reliable, good quality, affordable brand of chocolate and this Valentine’s have released their heart shaped With Love chocolates. Ok I say new, it’s just their mother’s day Thank You chocolates reshaped and packaged, so no points for imagination. However why change a winning formula? Hazelnut pralines to be enjoyed with a loved one or as I prefer, alone! Well there are only eight in a pack!

    SEX: Pulse
    “I’m pickin’ up good vibrations.” There’s a new pleasure toy in town and it’s guaranteed to be the happy ending to a perfect evening. The best part about this toy is that you can use it hands free! Just place it on your member, click required speed and away you go. Soft and easy to use offering maximum pleasure. If using with a partner why not put it on for them and then sit on top to stimulate yourself at the same time. Easy clean under a tap and comes with USB power charger – meaning no batteries required.

  • OPINION: Age Gap Relationships, What Is The Fuss?

    My name is Daniel Browne. I am 29 years old (although tell people I’m only 19) and I’m in a long term relationship with a man who is 25 years older than me. I wouldn’t be surprised if assumptions are made at this point as I have had to face them over the past couple of years. Am I gold a digging whore? Is my boyfriend a sugar Daddy? What do I get out of the relationship?

    Rather than answer those questions when people ask them, I simply give a death stare that ultimately makes the person feel as small as their mind is. Of course the answers are that I am not a gold digging whore and my boyfriend is not a sugar Daddy. I have my own career, home, and money. Sometimes I pay for things, sometimes my partner does. It’s a very grown up and equitable relationship.

    The reason I am writing about my own relationship is not because I have a great desire to let the world know certain details of my personal life, but because I am a big champion of age gap relationships. Actually, that may be slightly incorrect. I am a champion of all relationships and people having the freedom to be happy. Age gap relationships obviously fall into that. If someone wants to date another person who is years older or younger than themselves then why should it matter? The only thing that really matters is that the people in the relationship are happy.

    The world and his dog (and possibly even creatures in outer space) will have heard about Tom Daley recently revealing he is in a relationship with a man. As rabid gays and teenage girls went into diver boy crush overdrive over this ‘news’, much of the reporting in the following days began to focus on the fact that Tom’s boyfriend is twenty years older than him. Friends of mine commented on the age gap before remembering that I am with someone who is almost twice my age. I found myself getting increasingly annoyed that not only Tom’s sexuality was making the news, but also that his age gap relationship was such a big deal.

    I think that much of the problem with some of the rabid gays is that they wish they were Tom Daley’s older man. Jealousy is certainly playing a part. Personally he doesn’t do it for me but I can see why all these people would fancy him. Another reason for such a big deal being made out of this particular age gap relationship is because I think people love to be outraged or unimpressed by things. Some of it is so feigned that it’s almost amusing. All I can really say to that is people should get over themselves. Live and let live.

    There’s always going to be the haters; people who don’t agree with age gap relationships and say they shouldn’t happen. The only advice I have for those people is that they shouldn’t knock it until they have tried it. I don’t believe in passing judgement on people’s relationships and wish more people could be like that.

    After all, you can’t help who you fall in love with.

     

    Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.

  • Gays have happiest relationships thanks to tea and cuddles

    New study shows gays and lesbians have happier relationships than straight couples and how a cuppa tea keeps the love on track rather than a tropical holiday or diamond encrusted watch.

    Over 5,000 people have revealed how they are keeping their relationships on track, despite what life may throw at them, as part of a major two-year study into modern couples funded by the Economic & Social Research Council. The Enduring Love? study, conducted by social scientists at The Open University, showed that simple acts of kindness are the things that keep people together.

    Co-author of the report, Dr Jacqui Gabb said: “Actions really do speak louder than words and many people consider a loving gesture to be as valuable as hearing ‘I love you’. Grand romantic gestures, although appreciated, don’t nurture a relationship as much as bringing your partner a cup of tea in bed, or watching TV together.”

    Co-author of the report, Dr Janet Fink said: “With a tough economic climate, the rise in grey divorce and social media opening up new ways to start affairs, it isn’t always easy to keep love alive today. However, our survey has shown that surviving adversities – even very difficult situations such as being out of work – can make a relationship much stronger. What doesn’t break you, can make you.”

    Other findings from the survey include:
    – Parenthood shapes relationship quality more than any other factor
    – Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Queer (LGBQ) couples, especially younger people, remain afraid to hold hands in public for fear of reprisal
    – However, LGBQ couples are generally happier about their relationship quality and are more likely to act spontaneously
    – Money issues are one of the most difficult aspects of modern relationships, but stressors such as being out of work do appear to pull couples together
    – Couples cherish affection and cuddles as much as sexual intimacy though sex remains an important part of the relationship

    Ruth Sutherland, Chief Executive of Relate said: “We welcome this insightful and important research into what makes love last. What this study shows us is that couples need to keep investing in their relationships. It’s reassuring to know, especially in these tough economic times, that it’s the small gestures of appreciation and affection, rather than the big romantic displays that really make the difference. The report shows the importance of creating a culture where seeking help to strengthen our relationships is seen as the norm.”

  • Gay relationships can be more stable than straight ones

    Study by Deborah Schurmnan-Kauflin Finds Gay Relations More Stable Than Straight Ones.

    A new study reported in Psychology Today has found that same-sex relationships are more stable than straight ones – and that gay people can end up having better and longer relationships than their heterosexual counterparts.

    200 people took part in the study, which found that 59% of the gay people interviewed had been in a ‘stable, loving relationship for three or more years’ while only 19% admitted to cheating on a loved one.

    Meanwhile 47% of heterosexual respondents had been in a stable relationship – and even less found themselves in a long-term relationship (42%). Of those who had married 50% had divorces and almost half admitted to cheating on their spouse or loved one and two thirds said they were unhappy with their sex lives.

    Gay people tended to work longer (over 5 years) within their companies, but were less likely to remain in contact with their parents – making siblings and friends the more important relationships in their lives.

    Another study from Copenhagen in 2013 showed that men in same-sex marriages lived longer.

  • Are you in a harmonious gay relationship?

    Having an understanding of how the inside-nature of thought works can help make relationships a lot more harmonious. The first thing to remember is that it’s not what your partner says or does that makes you feel the way you do about it because the system doesn’t work like that. You (and only you) are responsible for the way you feel, through your thinking about the situation.

    To illustrate this in everyday life, let’s use the example of your partner not cleaning up after themselves. When you see the mess, it’s easy to have negative thinking around it, which in turn will create a negative feeling of annoyance or even anger inside. When you feel this building, your reaction to your partner might be negative. You may shout at them or say something uncomplimentary, which in turn is going to trigger a negative reaction within them. Ultimately, this exchange ends up in an argument. If you had spoken to them in a non-confrontational way then they would be more likely to listen to you and enter into a conversation about the issue.

    When you have an understanding that your emotions and feelings are generated by thought, it is much easier to catch that negative emotion or feeling before it builds into something destructive. As soon as you sense the annoyance and anger building inside, you know it is your thinking doing this, so you can acknowledge it. Amazingly this process can stop it building further and establish a sense of calm within you. You are now in a much better place to enter a discussion with your partner because you have a clear mind and you are feeling calm. If you had let you annoyance or anger build, your head would be full of all sorts of untrustworthy thinking and you are likely to say things that will make the situation worse.

    I’m sure you have all been in a situation where you have been annoyed or angry and said things to someone you don’t mean, which leads to you apologising later (when you realise you were out of order). The simple fact is that you can’t trust your thinking when you are in a low mood state, so avoiding it (or at least being aware of it) helps you when it comes to engaging with others.

    Having the understanding that you create your experience of a situation through thought, can be enough for you to regain control of your thinking and emotions before they drive you into negative mood state. Also understanding that your thinking can not be trusted when you are in a low mood state is also useful in a relationships because you will be more inclined to leave a potentially explosive conversations until you are in a better state of mind and can deal with the situation in a compassionate way.

    Just understanding how your thinking creates your experience of a situation and how moods affect your thinking can do wonders in developing a more harmonious relationship between you and your partner.

    Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.

  • REVIEW: The Massage Show

    As this month is Pleasure and Pain month at TheGayUK, I thought I’d return to a theme that is rather dear to my heart. As many of you will know, I practice tantric massage, which is something that very much comes under the umbrella of pleasure. The Massage Show is the brainchild of sex and relationship expert, and sensual masseur Colin Richards, and a few days ago I was fortunate enough to be invited along to experience one of his shows.

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  • COLUMN | Be Brave

    I’ve never been a massive fan of dates let alone online dating.

    I normally prefer to meet guys at the end of the night in a club, when I’m a walking disaster, hair all over the place and if I try and eat the face off them like it’s my first meal since fasting for lent and they respond, at least I know they have seen me at my worst and it can only get better! None the less I still have Grindr and log on everyday although more through boredom than a longing for love.

    When discussing me getting back in the dating game a wise friend gave me some wise words – “be brave”, easy for him to say his last date was with a Terry’s chocolate orange and The Million Pound Drop. A few weeks ago I decided to follow his advice and go on a date with a guy who asked me from Grindr!

    We arranged to meet in Glasgow on the Sunday afternoon for coffee and naturally the night before I decided to prepare with two good pals and 6 bottles of wine. After spending most of Sunday morning hugging the toilet pan, I decided to re-arrange to meet in Wishaw’s prime dating venue for homosexuals, Wetherspoons, at 9pm.

    When I arrived 15 mins late him waiting outside looking less than amused he looked exactly like the pictures he had sent and had quite large hands. Great. We go inside he orders a soft drink and I order cider. The conversation is awkward, he tells me the first Canadian he ever met gave him maple syrup and it sticks in his mind, I try and inject some humour and reply “oh the first Canadian I ever met gave me herpes”. Silence, pan face, I smile, more silence until I declare I was joking. He nods his head. I decided since I was off the next day, I was going to make the most of the situation and order another drink. He watches BBC news on the TV as I play on Facebook. He did give me a lift home at the end of the night which saved me £4.25 on a taxi. Every cloud has a silver lining.

    Needless to say we won’t be seeing each other again and to be honest I should have known it wouldn’t work when he told me he had never seen Dirty Dancing. At least I’m back on the wagon and in the dating game again. Next time I will however have a check list — Sense of humour a must;big hands a bonus.

    I am forever hopeful.

    Be Brave!

  • Russian thugs allegedly post fake personal ads to torture teens

    Neo Nazi groups in Russia are allegedly creating fake personal ads to tempt gay teens on dates;only to bully, attack and torture the unsuspecting victims.

    Gay Community News is reporting that Russian Neo-Nazi groups are posting fake personal profiles on the popular Russian VK.com website, which is a social network, in order to lure unsuspecting gay teens for dates, except when they arrive they are beaten and tortured, often in public places.

    The Spectrum Human Rights Alliance (SHRA), an Eastern European LGBT advocacy organisation reports that over 500 groups have been created on the VK.com website, with the aim to organise anti-gay vigilante style groups in cities across Russia.

    The reports states:

    “These self-proclaimed “crime fighters” perform their actions under the broad day light, often outside and clearly visible to general public that indifferently passes by or even commend them. Video recordings of bullying and tortures are freely distributed on the Internet in order to out LGBT teens to their respective schools, parents and friends. Many victims were driven to suicides, the rest are deeply traumatized.”

    The SHRA also notes that the Russian police have taken no action against these vigilantes – even though it’s against Russia’s criminal code.

    The report also states that:

    Social network VK.com intermittently shuts down selected groups and profiles only to allow them to be re-open on the next day.

    The found of VK.com Pavel Durov has not released a statement about the creation of these groups.

    This report comes just weeks after President Putin signed a law, which prevents the ‘promotion’ of a homosexual lifestyle to anyone under the age of 18.

  • Air New Zealand To Play Host To 1st Same-Sex Marriage At 30,000 Ft

    Air New Zealand To Play Host To 1st Same-Sex Marriage At 30,000 Ft

    Modern Family actor Jesse Tyler Ferguson will board an Air New Zealand domestic flight alongside a lucky Kiwi couple to celebrate the first ever same sex marriage at 30,000 feet next month.

    Same sex marriage becomes legal in New Zealand on Monday 19 August, and Air New Zealand is on the hunt for a special Kiwi couple to prove that love is truly in the air by tying the knot on a flight between Queenstown and Auckland.

    Air New Zealand’s Head of Global Brand Development, Jodi Williams, says the airline expects to be inundated with couples wanting to have a unique wedding experience so they can demonstrate their love to the world.

    “We expect this marriage at 30,000 feet to attract significant global media interest. Naturally, the couple’s family and friends will want to be on hand for the special occasion so we have plenty of seats set aside for them. Jesse Tyler Ferguson being present will make the day even more memorable,”

    Ms Williams says.

    “Jesse has been deeply committed to campaigning for marriage equality and the fact that he is prepared to travel from the United States to be here demonstrates the historic nature of this event.”

    Jesse Tyler Fergusson says,

    “Justin and I are thrilled to be taking part in witnessing this historic moment for New Zealand! After launching ‘Tie The Knot’, our bow tie campaign for marriage equality in the US, it is clear that the journey towards marriage, both in the US and beyond, means so much to us. We cannot wait to celebrate this joyous occasion with Air New Zealand!”

    Kiwi couples keen to walk down the aisle on board the Air New Zealand flight are invited to visit www.flyingsocialnetwork.com and share their love story. Entries close 26 July 2013.
    Ms Williams says the lucky winner will also get the honeymoon of a lifetime.

    “We’re shouting them a honeymoon to Palm Springs in the United States. It’ll be an amazing time there escaping the cold Kiwi winter.”

  • OPINION | Out of line, online; Racism and gay dating

    No Blacks. No Asians. No Queens.

    I bet you already know where these quotes come from. I am also pretty sure you’ve seen them. Yes, these are common quotes from Grindr profiles. What’s worse is that I imagine you can think of more grindr, gaydar, gayromeo profiles with further offensive and racist remarks on them.

    But surely we can discriminate on who we fancy? Of course.

    We must have the right to decide what shape, size and colour the dick is we choose to squeeze, suck or sit on? Without a doubt.

    And if I want to say what I don’t like then it saves time doesn’t it? Perhaps.

    So if I don’t fancy a black or white guy then I have the right to say so don’t I? Maybe.

    But there are ways of saying things.

    If you in fact only like Arabic men, regardless of your own racial or ethnic identity then why not say so rather than banishing other minorities outright. Equality and Diversity principles do not dictate that you have to be tokenistic in your relationships or sexual exploits but it does support a community where everyone feels included. With the social battles fought by the LGBT community in the past sixty to six hundred years surely we can be slightly more embracing of difference.

    Not into camp. Not in fairies, sorry.

    This is another angle of exclusion on ‘social networking’ apps frequented by the predominantly gay and bisexual male. Campness is labelled as undesirable, separated from the profile holder. He isn’t into it, he doesn’t like it. If you are camp he doesn’t like you – it’s there for you to read. How does it make you feel?

    Maybe you do sprout wings and poop glitter? But that’s who you are – should you change it for the faceless, headless body? No, but it makes you feel badly about yourself and he still hasn’t found himself a date because the butch bull he is looking for actually doesn’t like guys who bully and discriminate.

    So in summary, let’s start with the basics: How not to be a racist in five easy steps.

    1) Do not use racist language. We all know what they are. No one thinks you’re big or smart or edgy for using them. And being practical, not many guys invite racists round to their houses.

    2) Put what you like, what you ARE into. It’s more positive and inclusive and appealing to a wider range of people. Saying you like something, or love something is much more attractive than associating you with ‘No this’, ‘No that’ or other negative concepts.

    3) Be polite. If someone messages you that doesn’t give you butterflies in your stomach (or lower) then just say thanks but no thanks. Most people will get the hint, and if they don’t just block them. It’s easier than resorting to a racist rant.

    4) Be inclusive. Try not to see people as one dimensional. Not all ethnicities are the same. Look at your arm – it everyone with that similar shade the same as you? Do they eat the same food, socialise in the same way, believe the same as you do just because your skin matches? Of course not, so don’t apply this ignorance to other arm shades.

    5) Challenge yourself. How many of your friends are the same as you? Do they all look the same, come from similar backgrounds? Most are probably the same age. How about bringing some diversity to your life? Speak to someone new, someone with maybe a different experience, a different outlook, a different skin colour – they might be able to shed new light on life. How does your coming out experience compare to the Asian guy 200 meters away or the polish guy four roads away, or the twink smiling at you at the bottom of your screen?

    Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.