THEGAYUK

Category: Love And Sex

  • ADVICE | If I can’t handle a finger, how will I manage a dick?

    ADVICE | If I can’t handle a finger, how will I manage a dick?

    A reader asks advice on whether he’ll ever be able to have anal sex, especially as he finds it uncomfortable fingering himself.

    (C) BIGSTOCK

    Dear TGUK

    I find it quite uncomfortable when fingering myself and i get sore from it. I actually want to try being a bottom but since I can’t handle fingering I don’t think I could do it with another person, what do you think I should do?

    Ty, 18

    Dear Ty

    Everyone’s ass is different and so is its ability to take various sized objects. Barring any medical reason, like anal fissures or piles it sounds as though you just need time and practice. As you’re quite young, the odds of you having fissures or piles is quite slim, but not impossible. If in any doubt you should definitely book to see your GP or visit to a sexual health clinic, who will be able to give you a sexual health check and you can discuss any issues you have.

    In your letter, you didn’t mention whether you use lubrication when you try and finger yourself. If not, you should invest in some lube – but if you’re not in a situation where you can buy lube there are alternatives. There are, however, some liquids you shouldn’t use as a lubricant – these include body lotions and shampoo as these will irritate and potentially make your insides feel like the gates of hell.

    If you can’t get hold of proper lube, it’s best to use a natural, unperfumed oily liquid. When you’re just by yourself there are a number of lube substitutes around the home that you can use, like olive oil, coconut oil, vaseline and aloe vera gel – none of these are good to use during sex with a condom. They will destroy the integrity of the condom. Always use a lube designed for condom usage.

    Also, make sure you cut your nails and smooth them off. It’s important not to have jagged nails as you could catch your insides and cause a tear or rip internally.

    Time is your friend

    The trick with taking anything larger than a finger is time and patience and you should communicate that with anyone you have sex with. Don’t feel rushed into taking the D before you’re ready.

    A word to the wise, it probably will hurt the first time you bottom for someone – and the chances are that you won’t be able to take it for very long either, but with time and practice (either by yourself or with a partner) you will be able to take it for longer and longer.

    Most guys can’t bottom for that long – even though porn can make it seem that they’re taking dick for hours at a time. It’s just one of those unrealistic expectations that gay porn has given us! Most guys cum within minutes of starting penetrative sex, a study found that men can last anywhere from 1 minute to 10 minutes, so you don’t need to be an ass athlete. You can always ask your topper to stop as well. Your body your rules.

    Practice Makes Perfect

    By yourself, after one finger, there are two fingers. Some people may want to try experimenting with various fruits and vegs, but there are some issues with using anything that doesn’t have a flared end. Without the splayed bottom it could disappear up inside you and that’s where problems can really begin. Ideally, you should try and buy a dildo or butt plug designed for ass play.

    Take your time

    There’s no rush – and when it comes to the actual sex take your time. If you’ve got time to prepare, you might want to douche (where you use water to get rid of poop in your anal canal and rectum) and lots of foreplay. Yes, get your guy to rim you and play and finger your butt.

    The advice listed above is not intended to replace or take the place of that of your own doctor, GP or medical professional who knows your full medical history. If in any doubt make an appointment with your doctor as soon as possible.

    Have you got a sexual or emotional dilemma you’d like us to answer? Click here to send us a message.

  • 5 things you should definitely not use as lube

    5 things you should definitely not use as lube

    Whatever you do, don’t ever, ever ever use shampoo

    Lube is the fountain from which great sex happens. Whether it’s for anal sex or just cuddly wanks, never start without it! Here are a few things that aren’t wise to use as a lubricant. Most, will at best, not provide enough wetness and at worst leave you open to STIs or tears or great discomfort during anal sex (for both the top and bottom).

    Baby Oil

    Baby oil is fine if you’re going bareback, but is a total no-go if you are using condoms. It will, like all lubes, which aren’t water or silicon-based, destroy the condom’s integrity.

    You might also find that baby oil is a little too thin for proper lubrication – especially if you’re planning to take something bigger than a finger up your ass.

    Plus have you tried getting oil out of bed sheets? It’s a nightmare.

    Plus if you’re going to be doing any ass to mouth, the ingredients may be toxic – and if not toxic will taste gross AF.

    Shampoo

    bijutoha / Pixabay

    If you’re having a quicky in the shower don’t forget to take your lube with you. Don’t use shampoo it will sting like buggery. It’s best not to put liquids up your ass that aren’t designed to be up there. This user on Yahoo Answers shared a horror story of serious pain when shampoo got in their urethra.

    Same again with the A to Mouth stuff. Look out for poisonous ingredients.

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  • 6 ways to beat cumming too quickly

    6 ways to beat cumming too quickly

    One of the constant worries for many guys is climaxing too quickly, so here are some tips to keep you lasting just that little longer.

    how to stop cumming too quickly
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    Before you go…go

    One of the ways to make sure you last a little longer than usual is masturbating an hour or two before you think you’re going to have sex. This will take the urgency out of the sex and should make you last longer. It might also make you less horny than if you had waited, but this is trial and error and it’s worth seeing if it works for you. Make sure you wash your dick thoroughly after you cum – if you don’t you might end up with a smelly end (smegma can form very quickly) and nobody wants that. Well, some guys do.

    Take it to the edge

    Some guys find that edging can make them last longer. Edging is where you play with your dick but then stop just before you bust a load. Some guys can do this for hours. Ultimately leaves you very horny – and potentially giving you a crazy big money shot. But while you’re practising this at home, you’ll be teaching yourself how to naturally last longer in bed. Win-win we feel.

    Letter writing

    Ok, so you’re nearly at the point of no return but it’s only been two minutes! Think about something else. Writing your name in his arse will still give the movements of involved f**king, but will momentarily take you away from the action, meaning you’ll have a few more minutes of humping.

    (C) BIGSTOCK

    Desensitising cream

    Amazon and other sellers stock a number of desensitizing products that could help you too. You could also try extra thick condoms which will also help take some of sensitivity away from your penis.

    Deep breaths

    Also, try taking deep breaths when you’re on the verge of ejaculating as that briefly shuts down the ejaculatory reflex (an automatic reflex of the body during which ejaculation occurs).

    Medication

    Medication in the form of tablets is also available to treat premature ejaculation in men who experience this regularly and where it causes distress, and is usually taken one to three hours before having sex. You will need a prescription, which can be obtained from your own doctor or through a private consultation with an online GP.

    As always communication is key to a happy sex life. If you’re concerned about your premature emissions, talk to your partner about it. See how they feel. You never know he might be completely happy with how’s all working out. If not then you can have a chat about how you change your sex to make things last a bit longer.

  • Seven things you need to know before using a really large sex toy

    Seven things you need to know before using a really large sex toy

    You’ve seen them. We all have. Those massive, dock off dildos in sex shops. But how exactly do you insert one?

    Take Gilbert here. He was sent to us by Carvaka Toys (£36.99) and is a whopping 11 inches long and boy is it thick, with a girth of 7.25 inches, it definitely could bring a tear to your eye. So how on earth do you get something like that up your butt?

    Just how do you get something this massive inside you?

    Well with enough time and patience you can.

    1)  Lube

    We’ve said it before and well say it again – any butt play is going to need to start off with some kind of lube. The anus isn’t self-lubricating so you’re going to need lots of it – and nope, we don’t suggest spit for a huge monster like Gilbert.

    The lube should also be water-based. Other lubes might actually destroy the integrity of the toy itself. We love Super Slik and it’s not very expensive either – or there’s the Fist It Extra Thick Waterbased Anal Fisting Lube.

    2) Time

    It’s not a race… only you are the winner – so take your time and slow down!

    Take your time with a big toy. You might not be able to get it all in on the first try and you don’t want to force it, or you could cause yourself some damage. You don’t want to end up with a torn sphincter. Doctor Rick Viney, warns that a torn sphincter will most likely need surgical repair.

    If you’re with a partner, don’t feel rushed into going too quickly and let them know how it’s going.

    3) Something smaller first

    In order to get a monster in you might find it useful to start with something smaller first. Another toy or cock even. Once your butt can accommodate something you can start to size up! Dr Rick suggests, “The sphincter can be gently dilated over a short period of time using devices like a plug or a gradual increase in the number of fingers inserted. Needless to say, there should be a generous use of lubricant to help. This kind of foreplay will limit any damage but it is important to stop if there is any pain and that requires self-control.”

    4) Find the G spot

    There might be a point that you’ll start to feel an intense feeling – that isn’t just the stretch of your bum. That could well be your G Spot. Legend has it that you can cum without touch your D if the G spot is handled just right! A toy like this is going to go right past that G Spot – as it’s only just a few inches inside you, but using the head of the toy could give you some really great reactions.

    5) Condom or condomless?

    If you are going to use this toy with your partner you might want to use condoms between each use. This can ward off any dirt that can happen with deeper play but also stop infections from passing from one person to another.

    6) Come back to it

    If you can’t do it one sitting… take a time out and come back to it.

    If on your first attempt you can’t get it all in, then try again a little later. Rome wasn’t built in a day and there’s no rush. Take your time and enjoy experiment with yourself.

    7) Tomorrow is gonna be a little uncomfortable

    You’ll find that going to the loo the next day might be a bit uncomfortable, especially if this is the first time you’ve inserted something this large. As they say, practice makes perfect, you should find the next time that you could be a little more accommodating.

    Before you get started you might want to read up on some advice about making sure you’re clean down there. We asked porn star Kit Wilde to take us through the basics.

  • You should check yourself for these symptoms after coming back from your holidays

    You should check yourself for these symptoms after coming back from your holidays

    Summer holidays often lead to an increase in unprotected sex and STIs. New experiences and copious amounts of alcohol can often lead to unwise choices.

    (C) BIGSTOCK

    Take proper precautions and always get properly checked when you get back home. To ask for more information on STIs, we spoke to the team at the STI Clinic.

    Symptoms of an STI

    Pain while urinating

    A burning sensation or pain whilst urinating could be a possible sign of an STI. If you notice this, make an appointment to rule out infections such as chlamydia or urethritis.

    Penis discharge

    Any discharge from the tip of the penis could be a symptom of an STI. Cloudy, white, yellow, or green discharge is a possible sign that something is wrong. If you experience any unusual discharge, visit a doctor to get checked as soon as possible – it could be a symptom of chlamydia, gonorrhea, or urethritis.

    Pain in testicles

    Pain of any kind is usually an indicator of a problem in the body. Pain in the testicles can be a sign of an STI. You might experience the pain whilst urinating, during sex, or just throughout your daily life. Book an appointment to get checked if you experience pain, as it can be a sign of either gonorrhoea or chlamydia.

    No symptoms at all

    Alarmingly, many STIs do not show their symptoms for a very long time. It can take weeks, months, or years for any signs of infection to show up – so, just because you don’t have symptoms it doesn’t mean you’re not infected. Take proper precautions and get regular check-ups.

    Chlamydia has been termed the “silent epidemic” because of its lack of obvious symptoms. Around 70% of women and 50% of men experience no symptoms at all when they are infected with the disease. HIV is even more elusive – often not showing signs for years, and sometimes not showing signs at all.

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    Getting tested

    Never hesitate to get tested if you think there’s a chance you have an STI. Even if it’s unlikely, it’s best to get tested as soon as possible. Don’t risk waiting for your symptoms to appear.

    Most tests can be done in a doctor’s surgery, at a local GUM clinic, and some can be done through the post. Most are done through providing a urine sample or a urethral swab.

    Getting treated

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    Don’t panic if you find out that you have an STI because most can be completely cured or controlled with medical attention.

    Gonorrhoea

    There are now only a few antibiotics left that still treat gonorrhoea, as it has developed a resistance to the drugs that were first used to treat it. An intra-muscular injection is the most common form of treatment.

    The symptoms of gonorrhoea usually take around 2-3 days to disappear after treatment. Make sure you are tested again 2 weeks after treatment and avoid having sex for at least a week afterwards.

    Chlamydia

    Chlamydia is treated with a course of antibiotics. Both you and your partner should take the antibiotics at the same time, and refrain from intercourse throughout your treatment (even with a condom).

    Someone who has been infected multiple times is much more likely to suffer from long-term complications. If you contract chlamydia, be extra careful not to get it again.

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    If you are in any doubt, it’s best to get tested. It’s never been easier to get tested for STIs, and the sooner an STI is caught, the easier it is to control and treat.

    Advice given by Dr Elizabeth Kershaw-Yates, GP and one of the medical team at The STI Clinic: https://www.thesticlinic.com/ 

  • Would you date a robot?

    Would you date a robot?

    A quarter of people would happily become a robosexual!

    CREDIT: ArtOfPhoto / bigstock
    CREDIT: ArtOfPhoto / bigstock

    We’re not so sure we’re ready to stick our pink bits in a robot’s exhaust pipe!

    A survey has found that a quarter of people (aged 18-34) would be happy to date a robot. A ComRes research published by FutureFest asked the public to imagine the world in 20 years in time – and apparently dating and sexing with robots was on the cards.

    Recent films depicting human-machine romances may soon become a reality; a quarter (26 per cent) of people in the UK said that they would happily date a robot – provided their android beau looked just like a real-life human being.

    Happy to be microchipped!

    Meanwhile, half (50 per cent) of Brits who already use contactless bank cards say that they would be happy to have microchips implanted under their skin to open doors or log on at work, and a third (32 per cent) of all British adults believe that in fifty years’ time the sale of fizzy drinks to under-16s will be as tightly controlled as tobacco is today.

    So who’s the hottest robot?

    Who’s the sexiest robot?

     
    pollcode.com free polls
  • 4 totally legitimate reasons why you don’t have to swallow

    4 totally legitimate reasons why you don’t have to swallow

    To swallow or not to swallow that is the question.

    Some guys are totally into the guzzling (we see you) but some guys just aren’t into it, and if you’re not that’s cool too. After all, it’s your body, and you’re in charge of what is going in and out of it.

    So what exactly is in cum? Well apart from your little swimmers, semen is made up of fructose, which makes up about 70 per cent of the liquid. Then there’s the prostatic secretion, which is the whitish/clear liquid. That contains, enzymes, citric acid, acid phosphatase and lipids. Per 100 MLS – it has about 28 mg of calcium, 5 mg of protein and 300 mg of sodium!

    So here are four totally legitimate reasons for not wanting to swallow.

    (C) BIGSTOCK

    I Just Don’t Want To

    Not wanting to is probably the most important one. It’s your body, your choice and if you’re not feeling the man mayo, then that’s your call. So don’t be afraid to say to your partner, “no cumming in my mouth”. Make it clear that when he’s ready to blow his load to tell you.

    You Just Brushed Your Teeth

    When you brush your teeth, you can cause little ruptures in the skin or cause gum bleeding, especially true if you also floss. Getting semen into open wounds could potentially, although the risk is lower than anal sex, mean that you open yourself up to infection if the guy you’re with has an STI. GMFA suggests, that it is possible to get HIV from sucking dick, “but the likelihood of this occurring is low. No one knows exactly how risky sucking cock is, partly because most men who suck cock will also fuck or get fucked as well and it is impossible to know which sexual act is responsible for the transmission of HIV. Very few men whose only reported risk is from oral sex have caught HIV, which leads us to believe that the risk is relatively low”.

    You’re Actually Semen Intolerant

    Yep, there are people in this world who have an intolerance of the boy juice. It is a rare condition, but it does exist. Symptoms can include swelling, trouble breathing or anaphylaxis.

    It can take up to 30 minutes for symptoms to start to take effect.

    You Don’t Like The Taste

    Nobody is saying that you have to eat cum if you don’t like the taste. No one would force you to eat something that actually makes you want to heave – well except Brussell Sprouts at the dinner table when you were a kid. So, if you don’t like the taste don’t feel you have to. You’re not going to offend – after all you’re giving him a damn BJ!.

    Do you like to swallow?

    [totalpoll id=”117610″]

  • Proof that money can find you love and it’s damn expensive

    Proof that money can find you love and it’s damn expensive

    How much does it cost to find that someone special? Your gonna need a bigger cheque book.

    (C) BIGSTOCK

    We literally have no hope.

    According to a 2017 poll, it takes people over five years of dating before they decided to tie-the-knot. Over the course of those years, the average person spends $20,276 (£16,320) on dating.

    The new survey of 1,000 married people across the country conducted by art event planners Paint Nite also found that people spent, on average, nearly five and a half years out on the dating scene before getting hitched – shelling out an average of $43.50 per date.

    The most common dating activity is going to dinner (88 percent), followed by going to the movies (63 percent), lunch (39 percent), taking a walk (38 percent) and making a meal and spending time at home (38 percent).

    As for the ideal date, dinner and movies topped the list once again, followed by taking a walk, travelling and sightseeing. Three out of four people would rather enjoy a sedentary date such as dinner and movies over active/interactive or outdoor dates – with only 10 percent saying they like to play sports while out with their other half or a new love prospect.

    When it comes to landing dates, a quarter have picked up a prospect in a bar or a nightclub, one in five have used online dating sites, and 35 percent have been set up by friends and colleagues.

    Sixty-five percent of respondents think the best way to greet a date is with a simple hi or hello, while almost two in five advocates a hug and 30 percent recommend a handshake.

    “Making a great impression on a first date, whether that means covering the bill, a warm greeting or simply picking an interesting activity, can make all the difference in the early days of a relationship,’ explains Courtney Osgood of Paint Nite, a company that arranges art-themed nights at pubs and wine bars. ‘Mixing it up, and trying something new can also keep the spark alive between a seasoned couple.”

    As for who should shell out on the first date, more than half think that the man should cover the bill, while just one percent of respondents thought the woman should pay the tab. Twenty-three percent of respondents said it should actually be the person who asked for the date who should pay.

    More than 40 percent of respondents say that they decide who will pay before the date even happens, while 24 percent say they figure things out when the bill comes.

    One in five men admits to pulling the pretending-to-stretch trick on a date, while 22 percent of both men and women admit to touching an arm or a knee of their date to make a move.

    Top keys to the best first impression on a date
    1.    Good manners
    2.    An attractive appearance
    3.    A smile
    4.    Great personality
    5.    A sense of humour

    Top date turn-offs
    1.    Bad manners/Offensive/Rude
    2.    Bad breath
    3.    Too negative
    4.    Burping out loud/other bodily noises
    5.    Unattractive physical appearance
    6.    Inappropriate/tight clothing
    7.    Talks too much
    8.    Indecisiveness
    9.    Too much make-up
    10.   Lack of confidence

  • 5 guys give their best advice about taking the D

    5 guys give their best advice about taking the D

    When this guy asked “aren’t I supposed to be used to it by now?” these guys shared their advice about bottoming.

    FILE PHOTO (BIGSTOCK)

    One guy took to Reddit to ask why he was having trouble bottoming. Despite trying “lots of times” he still didn’t feel like he was getting used to it.

    So he asked the Internet and well, the Internet responded.

    Ease into it with plenty of foreplay. It helps if your top can eat you out for a while, which coaxes the sphincter to relax. Start with a (lubed) finger, then two, before finally taking the guy’s cock. Concentrate on relaxing, as the instinct is going to be to tighten up (especially if you’re relatively new to bottoming). VIA

    This old whore has been all the way around the gay block. Things that make it easier. Poppers, beers, weed, coke, crystal, music, mood and mental gymnastics. The real first hurdle to get over is the mental block of something going up through the sphincter and the fear of the abnormal stretch. A relaxed position and a meditative attitude towards releasing control of the muscles is key. Use deep breathing and try to disconnect your focus on your asshole and release control. VIA

    (C) BIGSTOCK

    If you’re not into it, just don’t do it. VIA

    I’ve had many c**ks in my time and I still find the experience uncomfortable, as a lot of men prefer to do it doggy style or in the missionary position (which I find extremely painful). But if the guy doesn’t mind about the position, then straddling him, together with poppers and lube, helps me to actually enjoy the experience. VIA

    Not every gay man likes to do anal, no biggie. VIA

    Importantly, if you don’t enjoy the act of bottoming then don’t feel pressured to do it. Gay porn has given most of us wild, unrealistic expectations for ourselves and what we should be able to achieve, but life isn’t porn and sex on film isn’t the same as sex in real life.

    Also if you’re thinking about numbing lube, you might want to check out what this doctor said about it.

  • Here are the nation’s biggest turn offs

    Wondering why you’re not getting that second date? Have you checked your breath?

    What are the nation's biggest turn offs?

    A new study has revealed that it takes a potential suitor just 15 minutes to access whether they want that all important second date with you – and there are three things that count more than anything else. Your stinky breath. Your loudness. Your ex.

    Apparently, 60 percent of us think that someone having bad breath is enough to cancel any notions of a second date with them – followed by being loud and obnoxious (59%) and banging on about an ex (51%)

    Two thousand people were surveyed by the world’s largest dating app, badoo, and asked about their thoughts about dating.

    It takes the average person just 13 seconds to decide if they are attracted to someone and a two-hour dinner and drinks date was the best way to get to know someone properly.

    The study also found two-thirds of daters think people have lost the art of conversation due to busy schedules and relying too heavily on online communication, meaning face-to-face dating has become more difficult than ever. As such, more than half of those polled find themselves struggling to engage in relaxed dialogue when meeting someone for the first time.

    Gaston Tourn, CMO of Badoo, commented, “Despite us living in a digital age, a real life one-on-one date is always going to be the best way to see if sparks fly and the conversation flows. The clock is on for those first 15 minutes for people to show off their true personalities.”

    Gaston continues: “Our biggest aim is to get people offline and meeting face-to-face, so we’re actually launching Badoo Live, a live streaming feature this summer, to encourage real-life interactions and more genuine connections. We don’t just care about swiping or matches – we care about real life dates – the rest is up to you!”

    The research showed that some things are better left unsaid, with ‘the ex’ being the ultimate no-go area of conversation for singletons. 59 per cent of adults say you should never talk about sexual past, while 39 per cent say discussions shouldn’t touch upon starting a family immediately.

    Those who are obsessed with social media, constantly check their phone throughout the date and those who act loud and obnoxiously can also expect not to hear back from a potential suitor.

    So what are the 50 biggest turns off?

    1. Bad breath from not brushing teeth
    2. Being loud and obnoxious
    3. Banging on about an ex-partner
    4. Sweating profusely
    5. Constantly checking their phone
    6. They talk politics all evening
    7. Chewing gum loudly
    8. Social-media obsessed
    9. Vaping indoors/at the table
    10. They spend the date blowing their own trumpet
    11. Texting or taking a call on the date
    12. Being a bit too touchy-feely
    13. Failing to ask the other person about themselves
    14. They leave you on your own to go for a cigarette
    15. Crying
    16. Having a psycho ex
    17. They conveniently forget their wallet
    18. Talking about mummy or daddy
    19. Talking too much so you can’t get a word in edgeways
    20. Snorting when they laugh
    21. Eating with their mouth full
    22. Over-familiar banter
    23. The use of cheesy chat up lines
    24. Not at least offering or making an attempt to pay the bill
    25. Talking about soap operas like they’re real life
    26. Admitting they have a high / low sex drive
    27. Turning up with a poem in hand
    28. Weird mannerisms such as blinking too much or a jiggling leg
    29. A terrible first kiss
    30. Being too keen too quickly
    31. They drink several alcoholic beverages in the first hour
    32. Boasting about their job
    33. They’re wearing a bizarre choice of clothing
    34. Not offering to go halves on the bill
    35. They agree with everything you say
    36. Having a yin-yang tattoo
    37. They’re either way to tall or short for you
    38. They constantly clear their throat
    39. Talking about body image or size
    40. Laughing too loudly at jokes
    41. They make loads of trips to the toilet
    42. Being overly complementary
    43. They use a toothpick
    44. Admitting they like reality TV
    45. They have a weird laugh
    46. Being a veggie/vegan
    47. Opening up too much
    48. Bad shoes
    49. Admitting they still live at home
    50. Suggesting seeing a boring rom-com at the cinema

  • This is when you should apparently say when you’re in love with a new partner

    Although they might not be “new” by the time those three little words come around.

    when is the best time to say I love you to someone,

    Love is a waiting game it seems.

    Speaking recently on the Talk About Gay Sex podcast, host Steve Rodriguez said that his sister said (he thinks it was his sister who said it) that you should wait a while before telling a new partner that you love them.

    Four seasons to be exact.

    Apparently, and we guess it’s true, you can’t tell what a person is truly like unlike you’ve known them through every season, summer, autumn, winter and spring.

    when is the best time to say I love you to someone,
    Can you wait an entire year to tell someone that you love them?

    This is because we all act differently and our personalities can have subtle changes according to the weather, the holidays, birthdays and you know, Presidential and Brexit elections – lots of different factors really.

    So before rushing in and telling your new man “I Love You”, you might want to wait to see how he’s like with Christmas anticipation or whether he can deal with a British heatwave.

    Anyway, what could be more romantic than on your first anniversary to say those three words.

    Listen to the podcast here: