Category: Love And Sex

  • Guys, here’s why you might be finding it hard to get hard

    When a reader confided that he can’t stay hard, we decided to have a look at some of the reasons why your erection might be elusive.

    I'm Finding It Hard To Get A Hard On

    Last year Jeff, asked THEGAYUK why he kept on losing his erections. There are many reasons from stresses to tiredness, medical to emotional. There are many reasons. So here’s what we found out.

    First of all, don’t give yourself a hard time about not being able to get a hard-on. It happens to the best of us at the worst of times – and stressing about it can actually make the situation worse. So take a moment and breathe.

    It sounds as though you’re suffering from erectile dysfunction (ED). Lots of things can cause ED; from being too stressed out at work to money worries. Even lifestyle choices such as too much alcohol or drug taking can hinder a strong erection.

    The problem might also be prescribed medication. For instance, some depression medications say that ED is a potential side effect. You can read more about that here. You might want to check and see if any side effects listed by the meds include ED. Do not come off any prescribed meds with out talking to your GP first.

    There are a variety of things you can do to try to get your little Mr back up and working again, but first of all, see whether you can get an erection when you’re by yourself – or during your sleep.

    Take the erection test

    There’s a very simple test to see whether you get erections during your sleep. One of the tests is the famous stamp test. If you can still get a row of stamps that are joined by a perforated edge you can perform this in the comfort of your own home.

    Before you go to bed put a row of four or five joined stamps around the shaft of your flaccid penis and seal by moistening the two ends together. If any of the perforations between the stamps is broken in the morning you’ll know that you are getting nocturnal erections, because your enlarged penis will naturally break the perforations between the stamps. This test can help you rule out a more serious erectile dysfunction because you know that you can physically have an erection.

    If this is the case take a look at external factors such as your workload or your alcohol consumption. As frustrated as you might be, you just might need to take your time with this.

    If you don’t break the perforations, then you might consider getting an appointment with your GP, who should be able to help you find a medical solution.

    There are a number of other at home tests you can do like the Rigiscan and The Penile Plethysmograph.

    Meds?

    You could try Viagra or a herbal supplement available in Holland and Barratt called Horny Goatweed. You should definitely seek the advice from your doctor if you’re planning to try out medications.

    Condoms Problems

    If your problem is being caused by wearing condoms then you’ll be able to find a wide variety now that are different shapes, sizes and yes, there’s even a musical one. Don’t let your Jonny be a problem for your Johnson.

    You might not need a full erection to have full on sex

    It’s important not to let this ruin your sex life – there are many options available to you – and you can even have sex without having a full erection or taking the pressure off yourself by focusing on your partner rather than your erection.

    Communication

    Talking your issues over with your partner may also help as well. It’s important to keep communication open between partners if you’re going through a tough time.

     


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    Got a problem you’d like advice on? Click here to get ask your question.

     

  • These five foods will make you a god (sort of) in bed

    Adding food to the bedroom is a classic way to spice things up with a partner. But did you know that food can heighten libido and improve your performance between the sheets? We-Vibe has collated the best foodie tricks and tips for you to put to the (taste) test!

    – Figs: These small fruits pack some big benefits. They are bursting with calcium, iron, potassium, and more of that stimulating zinc. They are also packed with fibre, which boosts heart health and satisfies hunger without adding to your waistline.

    – Strawberries: Don’t forget to bring this mouth-watering dessert on your next picnic. Strawberries are an excellent source of vitamin B, which has been linked to high sperm counts in men. Go one step further and coat them in chocolate, as it is full of libido-boosting methylxanthines! (Why do you think it’s such a popular Valentine’s Day gift?!)

    -Almonds: These healthy nuts are said to act as a sexual stimulant and a fertility aid, so if you’re trying for a baby, start snacking! They are rich in nutrients and in several minerals that are important for sexual health and reproduction, including zinc, selenium, and vitamin E. Zinc can also help enhance sexual desire – added bonus!

    -Avocados: The name for this South American fruit derives from the Aztec language Nahuatl, in which it meant ‘testicle’ – a name chosen for the fruit’s unusual shape. It may seem like a bit of a stretch to us, but avocados do have some sexy benefits! They are rich in unsaturated fats, making them very heart-healthy. And a healthy heart keeps the blood flowing to all the right places! Men with underlying heart disease are twice as likely to suffer from erectile dysfunction, so feel free to add some extra avocado slices to your salads.

    -Eggs: Poached, scrambled or fried, eggs are sure to rev you up after a long day at work. They are full of protein, which keeps you going without packing on the calories. They’re also an excellent source of amino acids, which combat certain types of heart ailments as well as erectile dysfunction. There’s a reason Dean Martin likes his eggs with a kiss in the morning…

  • 7 Of The World’s Most Weird And Wonderful Condoms

    7 Of The World’s Most Weird And Wonderful Condoms

    Passport, check. Tickets, check. Travel insurance, check. Condoms? If you’re travelling you may not want to jinx your chances of overseas escapades by packing condoms, and while I would sternly disapprove of that, there is something to be said of sampling some of the local delights.

    If you’re not bashful about buying condoms in countries where you can’t speak the language, you may be in for a real treat when it comes to wrapping your Johnny in something a little more… continental. Here are some of the weird wonderful condoms that you can only get in other countries.

    1. TheyFit – custom fit condoms from Europe

    weird condoms
    TheyFit Custom-Fit Condoms

    All men are created equal. In character perhaps, but not in girth. Many men complain about condoms that don’t fit properly, either cutting off their circulation or slipping off mid-thrust. But just like in the story of Goldicocks, these condoms are juuuuust right.

    TheyFit currently make 66 different condom sizes – 10 different lengths, and 10 different nominal widths – in order to create the perfect fit, which feels better during sex. There’s even a downloadable Fit Kit on their website so that you can size yourself at home.

    2. The world’s thinnest condoms from Japan

    weird condoms

    Image source: Photo by condom-sizes.org

    Sagami Original create the world’s thinnest condoms

    To say these condoms are razor thin is actually doing them a disservice, as they’re far thinner than that. Sagami Originals boast a thickness of just .01mm. Putting that in some context, the average human hair is about .06mm thick. This featherweight rubber had supposedly been tested over 200,000 times in the before hitting the market, so while it may be so thin that you can’t even see it very well, you can be sure that they will be doing their job.

    3. The spray on condom from Germany

    Those kooky Germans would of course be the ones to create a spray on condom. Don’t get too excited though, because this product didn’t actually make it to market. Originally introduced in 2008, the spray-on condom was a hard plastic tube (giggedy) that would spray liquid latex onto the penis when it was inserted into it… the tube that is. A more perfectly snug fit couldn’t be possible, sounds good right? However, with no room left for the reservoir tip, and 3 excruciatingly awkward minutes for the latex to dry, the spray-on condom was never meant to be.

    4. Biodegradable condoms from France

    For the environmentally conscious lovers out there, The Original Condom originated in, where else, Condom, in France. In addition to being biodegradable, the manufacturing company shares a portion of its profits with HIV awareness prevention research and NGOs. These luxury condoms will make you feel like you’re giving back to the community every time you bone

    5. The condom with a 4-second applicator from South Africa

    Despite how porn makes it seem that condoms just magically appear on the end of a dick, it can often still be an awkward moment if you’re not 100% sure what you’re doing. So instead of getting kids to practice with bananas, South African innovators developed the 4Secs Condom Applicator. The applicator comes with a condom each and even has raised bumps to ensure you put it on easily in the dark. GENIUS!

    6. Condoms where the wrapper is the applicator, also from South Africa

    Determined to make condoms even easier to use, those little geniuses in South Africa created the Pronto Condom, which is unique in that the patented applicator is actually attached to the wrapper. You just crack the wrapper in half and begin to apply it to your penis, rolling it down as per usual.

    The Pronto Condom was developed to prevent that common Condom Wrapper Limp Dick syndrome that affects a lot of men right before sex. To maintain the passion and sufficient turgidity, the Pronto Condom takes about 3 seconds to put on.

    Just don’t get it confused with the flavour packet from your Super Noodles. That could cause problems.

    7. The musical condom from the Ukraine

    OK, this one may or may not exist, but just imagine if it did. In 2006, Hryhory Chausovsky was said to have invented a new type of condom that plays music during sex. There was a rumour posted on Oh Gizmo saying that “a miniature loudspeaker and motion sensor implanted in the condom’s upper cuff provides a range of musical tones during sex. Music volume depends on intensity of love-making and tone varies based on the sexual position.”

    This could all be rumours or the pipe-dreams of a mad man, but just think about humping to your own sexual theme music. What a world we live in.

  • Five things you should know when using PrEP

    As more and more countries work to make PrEP (Pre-Exposure Prophylactic) available for an affordable price, we thought it would be a good time to look at the pros and cons of people taking PrEP. But first, let’s cover the basics for those who don’t already know what PrEP is.

    PrEP is a drug that people who are HIV- can take in order to prevent HIV infection. It is important to note that PrEP is not a vaccine against HIV, meaning that if you stop taking the pills they stop protecting your body. It is also not a cure for HIV. People who already have HIV use similar medication in order to keep the virus in check, or at an ‘undetectable’ level.

    There is a lot of recent research into the effectiveness of PrEP, mostly because each country’s government that has looked into the drug has run its own tests. In some cases, this has been the cheapest way for people to obtain PrEP, as study participants obtain the drug and associated tests free of charge. Below we’ll look at five things you should know about when using PrEP.

    You should get tested for HIV and other medical conditions before starting PrEP.

    It is also important to note that the required testing that should take place before and during the administration of PrEP are important. Firstly one should be tested for HIV to make sure that you are HIV negative. Taking PrEP while HIV+ may cause mutations of the virus that become resistant to PrEP. Markus Feser who works with Hamburg-based HIV community action group Hein & Fiete remarks that it is also important to have a general check-up before beginning prep, as it is possible that taking PrEP for extended lengths of time can lower your bone density. Other side effects may also include headache, abdominal pain, decreased weight, nausea, and diarrhea. Less common side effects include lactic acidosis, liver dysfunction, and worsening of Hepatitis B infection. Recent studies have shown that there is no issue taking PrEP in conjunction with Hep B medication, however.

    PrEP might not be your best solution.

    You might hear things like ‘everyone should be on PrEP’ but this might not actually be the case. Most community action groups, and the doctors at 56 Dean Street, advocate a more measured approach to the uptake of PrEP. While PrEP is the latest defence against the rising number of HIV infections, it is not the only defence. There are of course people who prefer to use condoms as their prophylactic of choice, and decide not to use PrEP. For others who are not yet sexually active, or are only sexually active with one committed partner, there is no need to take PrEP. Likewise, if you are only having sex with someone who already has HIV but is undetectable, there may also be no need for you to take PrEP. If you fall into the category of people who have sex with multiple partners, has sex in high-risk situations (chem-sex, bareback, darkrooms etc.) then you may want to take PrEP regularly.

    You don’t have to take it every day.

    Purchasing PrEP is often an expensive prospect – which is why participating in a study is the way that many people can afford to be on the drug. But recent studies presented at the European AIDS Clinical Society 2017 Conference in Milan that show that taking PrEP on an as-needed basis, two to twenty-four hours before sexual activity and daily until two days after the last contact, known as the ‘event-based method’, or taking the pill 4 days a week: on Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday and Sunday; known as T’s and S’s are also effective ways to protect yourself against HIV infection. This new information, along with grey-market ways to obtain the drug, have made taking PrEP a more affordable prospect. In the UK up to a 3-month supply can be ordered online without a prescription from various websites, for those in Continental Europe, many of these same websites deliver directly to a few countries. If your country isn’t in the delivery lists, some will deliver to a middle-man delivery company who will then deliver onward to you. These orders will often incur import/VAT duties when arriving in the UK, and middle-man companies will charge a fee to forward the delivery. From my own experience, this makes the pills about 50€ per month, if taken every day. Obviously, this cost can be brought down if using intermittent methods.

    There are good reasons to take it.

    If you’re like me, you think that sex without condoms feels better. I usually don’t enjoy sex with a condom – if I’m the top – and quickly lose my erection while putting a condom on (though I have other pills to help with that now too). I often have sex in club darkrooms, when I’m heavily under the influence of various things, and not asking about my partner’s sexual history, and I often don’t carry condoms at all, though I use them if I’m asked to by my partner and he has them. In these situations though, knowing that I am on PrEP means that I don’t have to be concerned about what I have done, or what I might have done that I have forgotten about during the party. The official line from most doctors and activists is that PrEP should be used in conjunction with condoms, as a safety-net in case the condom breaks or something else goes wrong. In these cases, PrEP provides a way of knowing for sure that you’ll be safe from HIV infection when having high-risk sex.

    It doesn’t protect against other STIs.

    An important thing to remember about PrEP is that it is only a preventative against HIV. It doesn’t offer any protection against other transmittable STIs. For this reason, many people choose to use condoms to prevent against other STIs when having sex. Whether you take PrEP as a preventative against HIV or not, if you are having sex in high-risk situations, you should make sure that you are being tested regularly. Since the introduction of PrEP around the world, many areas have reported that HIV infections have fallen, including London, New York, and New South Wales. While HIV tests have remained steady, new HIV infections have dropped in places where PrEP is readily available. This is not only attributable to PrEP, as better HIV medications mean that those living with HIV are undetectable and so cannot pass on the virus to sexual partners. Here’s a side benefit: because PrEP users are encouraged to get STI tests regularly – every three months – rates of other STIs, particularly gonorrhoea, are also falling as people are having them treated more quickly. This may also be due to better health information people who aren’t on PrEP are also getting tested more frequently.

    When you’re deciding whether PrEP is right for you, there are plenty of places to find more information. London clinic 56 Dean Street have a helpful series of YouTube videos which outline some of the points made above.

    If you want to get PrEP, and you’re in London, you can visit 56 Dean Street clinic, 10 Hammersmith Broadway, or Homerton clinics. The NHS Impact trial has participating clinics all over the UK. Click the link to search for a clinic near you where you can take part. Participating in the trial is free for those who are selected to take part. 10,000 participants are required for the trial, with clinics already open, and others opening intake soon.

    For those unable to participate in the trial, or who are able to pay for PrEP themselves, check I Want Prep Now.co.uk to find out where to purchase it online. If you’re in the Republic of Ireland, a website has been set up to help you obtain PrEP online.

    If you’re in mainland Europe, Dynamix can also provide tested and proven PrEP, delivered to the UK and Europe. If you live in a country where you cannot get PrEP delivered directly, such as Germany, Dynamix will deliver to a middle-man delivery company such as Borderlinx who will pass the delivery on to you for a fee. This is the process I use, and Dynamix and Borderlinx have not contributed to THEGAYUK.com for this referral.

    Readers in Barcelona can now contact the first European community PrEP centre to get advice and support while considering or taking PrEP.

    As with any medical treatment, you should always consult with your doctor, and make sure you make the right choices for yourself.

  • What happens when your boyfriend’s schlong is bigger than yours

    Is there such thing as penis envy in the gay world?

    What happens when your boyfriend's schlong is bigger than yours
    Is there such a thing a penis envy between boyfriends?

    It seems that penis envy between boyfriends can be a thing. One user on Reddit recently admitted that his boyfriend’s penis, although being only half an inch bigger (at 6.5 inches) than his was starting to bother him. In fact, he’s getting real anxiety over the issue. Despite his past boyfriends being “wowed” by his girth, it seems that length is important.

    Is it?

    Well, it turns out he’s not alone, according to stats, over a third of gay men are actually unhappy with the size of their Ds. A survey undertaken by THEGAYUK in 2015 found that over a third of men questioned had issues with the size of their manhoods, with a further 12 percent considering penile enlargement surgery to increase girth or length.

    Of those surveyed, 54% of men had a penis length of 5 to 7 inches, 12 percent had a penis size less than 5 inches.

    What happens when your boyfriend's penis is bigger than yours
    Don’t let penis envy get in the way of your relationship

    What’s the average size anyway?

    According to a recent worldwide poll of men, 5.16 inches is the average size of an adult male’s erect penis.

    Well, Reddit users were quick to point out that willy length probably isn’t that big of a deal for his partner with one saying, “um probably doesn’t actually care” while another chided the user, how about “start to grow up” or “just be an adult”.

    One will always be bigger than the other

    One sympathetic user, however, answered,

    “When two men are in a relationship, one dick will ALWAYS be bigger than the other. So, by nothing more than luck or lottery, his is slightly larger than yours. It could have easily been the other way around, so ask yourself, would you care if yours were slightly larger? My guess is no. You wouldn’t love him less or think of him less just for having a slightly smaller dick, so why would you think he’s thinking that way about you?”

    Deeper troubles?

    Another told the user that having insecurities was normal, but hinted that perhaps the issues ran deeper than just peen size.

    “It’s normal to have insecurities, but when comparing oneself to a person with whom you’re in a relationship, sometimes it’s because we are afraid of losing them, or subconsciously know the relationship isn’t working. You are comparing yourself to him the way some guys do with other guys in the context of competition.

    “Are you afraid he will decide he wants to find someone longer than himself? Or perhaps that if you two break up, he will be preferred by others over you?”

  • These straight guys share how much it would cost them to go “gay for pay”

    “A Year’s Salary”

    Some people think that you can’t be truly straight if you’re a slave to the D – whether you’re being paid or not, some believe that sex with someone from the same sex can be separated from being gay.

    What is gay for pay?

    Gay for pay is where a man, who doesn’t identify as gay does sexual things to another guy for money, from kissing to anal sex. This is most prevalent in the porn industry where male stars are paid more handsomely in gay porn than their male counterparts in straight porn.

    In gay for pay porn, men who ID as straight will often give and receive BJs, top and bottom and do mutual masturbation. Some performers will not give oral or take in anal – and are strict tops.

    Student loans and a yacht in Monaco

    These guys on Reddit gave a long hard think about how much cash it’d take them to go gay… Some of them had a lot of detail… We see you Mr Clooney lover…

    Like would I blow a guy for a million dollars? I mean, I don’t see why not. A million dollars is a million dollars and I could say that I blew a guy for a million dollars when all of those relevant conversations pop up. [VIA]

    I’d do almost whatever someone wanted if they’d pay off my student loans ($63K) [VIA]

    Enough to get out of debt. And some controlled substances to set the tone for the ceremony wouldn’t be such a bad idea either. [VIA]

    Money on the scale of years worth of salary? I’d consider it. Men don’t interest me, but I can’t imagine a few hours of that is all that scarring of an experience, and if it is, there are years on the beach to get over it. Experimentation for experimentation’s sake or a small-scale amount of money holds no interest, however. [VIA]

    What does the guy on SNL say? “If you won’t blow a guy for $3000, you don’t care about your family.” [VIA]

    If the money was enough to pay off all my bills and house. Buy me 2 new cars and a trip to Paris… and I was topping him with 5 condoms on. Then yes. [VIA]

    Yup, if it were enough of the “pay” to make a difference in my day-to-day financials, such as paying off my student debt or getting a good nest egg started for my kids. But not with some ugly, unhygienic dude. Needs to be like a night on Clooney’s yacht in Monaco harbour. [VIA]

     

    • Some comment modified for clarity or grammar.

     

    Would you go “Straight for pay?” Use the comments below to have your say…

     

     

     

  • How does your sexual health compare to other gay guys?

    Welcome to our sexual health comparison survey.

    In January our focus will be on the nation’s sexual health – particularly for gay and bisexual men. We’re doing a little research up front to see what our audience thinks and feels about their sexual health – you can view all the answers now – as you proceed – and compare how you fit in with the rest of the gay UK!

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  • 12 guys have real threeway game, we’re impressed

    The game was definitely on.


    We asked some of our readers about their three-way experience, needless to say, us gay guys are having a fair bit of threesome activity!

    Diary time

    “Every other weekend mostly good occasionally embarrassing” – Tristan

    “Have had many 3somes always have a good hot time Have at least once a month” – Phil

    The biting… oh the biting

    “…It was with two friends after a night out and I suggested that we had a threesome, however, me and my other friend wasn’t attracted to the other guy yet he wanted to do most of the work. Terrible at giving BJs as he kept biting me and my other friend so in the end we never finished because the thrill sort of speak went…

    “At least I found out that I don’t like to be spit roasted.  Plus it was in a caravan outside my parent’s house. So everyone could hear.”- Marcus

    The couple and the unicorn

    “It was actually quite fun! My last one was two men who were a couple. Their agreement was that they would never have an open relationship but will have sex with other people when both of them were present at that party. I was tempted to try double penetration but at the end didn’t dare!!!!” – Raha

    Poly relationship…

    “Good. It was fun, we all had a laugh, all very open-minded. Cuddled till we fell asleep. Then spent a few months in a poly relationship.” – Ian

    On one hand

    “Was horrible, one bloke nice & the other not my type, I was feeling jealous of the nice one all the time, never want that again.” – Michael

    Why stop at 3?

    “Yes and every number up to twenty.” – Roger

    Oh, the politics of it all…

    “Quite a few and I find its better if all 3 are single rather than a couple plus 1 extra” – Simon

    “Yes in the past but in a lot of cases 1 person loses out. Not that’s everyone’s experience.” – Norrin

    A&E?

    “We ended up in A&E. The position we were in led to an accident, one broken arm, stitches in head and a badly bruised hip. The staff tried not to laugh at us, but they found it funny.” – Simon

    Me party

    “Frequently. Me, myself and I.” – Andy

    • Some comments may have been changed for grammatical or clarity reasons.
  • Have you heard of the Rimosa?

    Who wants a sugared rim?

    There’s a new kink in town. What happens when you mix a mimosa with a rim job? Apparently, it’s becoming all the rage.

    It’s very simple to achieve, you get one Mimosa and you get your BF’s butthole and you put, basically, the two together – and then lick.

    Now if you’re sober, you can always try non-alcoholic cocktails. Can we suggest you stay clear of the virgin Bloody Mary’s or anything Bailey’s if you want to keep your sheets acceptable.

    jnprice73 / Pixabay

    To achieve the perfect Rimosa, prop that boy’s butt high up in the air, perhaps with a couple of pillows under his hips. Spread ’em, pour and lick.

     

     

  • MASSAGE | How to give your boyfriend a massage he won’t forget

    You know that story of Aladdin? The one where he rubs his lamp and gets his wishes? Well, imagine your partner’s body is that lamp. A little bit of rubbing in the right places will have him granting your every desire.

    Massage is a feel-good indulgence, and it has real health benefits. It’ll improve circulation by encouraging the flow of blood to your body’s tissues and get rid of metabolites such as lactic acids. By stimulating the lymph nodes, you can improve the immune system, but best of all it stimulates the endorphins. You know, the body’s natural feel-good chemical.

    So get your hands busy on your man – don’t go straight for the genie (new penis euphemism) try and rub around elsewhere and you’ll have him granting at least three wishes.

    Preparation.

    Ask your gentleman to lie stomach down on the bed. Naked. Now, this is the tricky bit, because you’ll probably want to get right down to business, but hold out – it will be worth it.

    Put some pillows under his stomach to support the lower back. You – the masseur, should wear some loose fitting cotton, full-length joggers or pyjamas. If you don’t, the massage will feel quite prickly once you start using oils.

    Have the lights turned low, maybe some candles? Massage candles are incredible to use. After the fragrant candle is lit, its wax melts into a pleasantly warm massage oil. Just pour a little oil onto your partner for a pampering, indulging and nourishing massage. Available for £9.99 in two scents, A Trip To Athens and A Trip To Rome. Both smell absolutely divine.

    Let’s begin…

    Place a pillow under his head so he can rest his head on one side comfortably.

    Feet. Gently rotate each foot in circular motions three times clockwise and anticlockwise. Cup your hands around the ankles and rub downwards towards the toes. Work your thumbs into the sole of each foot and the arch of the foot. Feet carry a lot of tension, especially if your man spends a lot of time on his feet. Gently pull each toe to help release any tension in the toes. Sometimes you may hear them click as they release, this is fine and normal. Listen to his reaction. You soon learn what he loves and what he’s less keen on.

    Legs. Working upwards, warm some essential oil into the palm of your hands and work your palm upwards towards the heart. Use moderate strength. When you reach the calf area use your thumbs to massage into each of the calves. The calves are huge and strong muscles and may need extra attention. Keep the massage movement long and sweeping. The blood should really start pumping as you near the…

    Buttocks. As tempted as you might be to stop off here and end the massage tour of his body, don’t! It will be all worth the while when you’re done. The butt is the biggest muscle in the body; you can apply much greater pressure here to help release any tension that he may have. If your man is feeling a little self-conscious, then always massage from the outside edge of the buttock to the middle – if you work the other way round you will open the cheeks of the buttocks and expose him, which may make him feel uncomfortable.

    Back. Running your fingers up your partner’s back should have him squirming in pleasure. The back is a massive erogenous zone for many men – so he’ll enjoy a variety of different techniques here. Tracing his spine with your two thumbs run the entire length of the backbone, stretching out the top of the neck when you get there. The lower and middle back may be carrying a lot of stress, especially if he works in an office all day and sits for extended periods. Using some more oils and gauging your partner’s reactions start are the base of his back and work the muscly area either side of his spine. The shoulders may be tense so begin gently with your thumbs, progressively increasing the pressure to rub out those crunchy muscles.

    Shoulders. Work your thumbs in circular motions; gently apply pressure and kneading the muscles. Be careful not to place both hands on the neck as this will feel like you’re about to strangle him.

    Neck. It’s a susceptible area, so again be gentle. Gently stroke and work your thumbs and fingers into the sides of the neck. Work your way into the back of the head, and lightly knead the scalp.

    With long sweeping motions run your hands doing his neck to his coccyx (tailbone just above his asshole.) Do this a few times. This should really get him purring. Run your fingers down his crack to his scrotum – he’ll most naturally open his legs wider for you to gain access. Run your fingers around the area to really get his passion lit.

    Then let the passion commence. You can use the oils to have a slippery time together rubbing your bodies against each other – but it is best to rub away oils from the anus if you are going to penetrate. Essential and other massage oils will damage condoms and weaken condoms.

    Always use a water-based lube with condoms. Never use essential oils as a lubricant for sex. You don’t want to end up in A&E. 

  • How to talk about sex again after treatment for male cancer

    Being diagnosed with any kind of cancer can be a devastating experience, but can you start to think about sex again after treatment?

    For men, a testicular or prostate cancer diagnosis and the treatment of those cancers can lead to so many questions about their sex lives. We spoke to Dr Becky Spelman who is a relationship expert at We-Vibe who explained to us male cancers can be an emotional blow and can have a deep impact on the sex lives of survivors.

    She told us,

    “Engaging with our sex life after a serious illness is always a challenge—and it’s even trickier after treatment for a condition such as prostate or testicular cancer.  Survivors of prostate or testicular cancer may feel like they are “less of a man”, and this can pose a significant emotional blow, which can impact seriously on their sex life. They might feel unattractive, or that the illness was their fault, for some reason they don’t understand and can’t articulate. It’s important to understand that the illness is no one’s fault. Anyone can get sick. Take the time you need to engage with the emotional as well as the physical side of the healing process, and attend a professional therapist, or group therapy, if you feel it will help”.

    Things after cancer change

    Men who survive cancer can find problems with maintaining erections. Dr Becky explains,

    “Survivors of these kinds of cancer may have to live with the reality of a very different sex life than the one they had before. Many men will now be unable to maintain an erection. While this can mean the end of penetrative sex, it doesn’t have to mean the end of all sex, forever. Lots of sex acts don’t involve penetration—and, of course, there’s nothing to prevent a post-operative man from being the receptive partner in lovemaking. An open mind, and the willingness to experiment will open up possibilities that you might never have considered before.

    Men who have had prostate cancer, can continue to have anal sex, but the charity, Prostate Cancer UK warns, “Some men who receive anal sex find that after having their prostate removed their experience of sex changes.

    “Bowel problems and sensitivity in the anus after radiotherapy can also be an issue. It’s best to wait until your symptoms have settled before trying anal play or sex. If you’ve had permanent seed brachytherapy there is a risk in the first few months that your partner might be exposed to some radiation during sex. Talk to your doctor or nurse about when it’s safe to have sex.”

    Acceptance

    “People in recovery from serious illness can be horrified to find themselves struggling with negative emotions such as resentment. They may feel that it’s not fair that they got sick when others, who perhaps have less healthy lifestyles, are just fine. While these are not noble emotions, they are understandable.

    Rather than ignoring them or pushing them below the surface, you need to accept that they are there, and find a way to manage them. There’s lots of help out there for people recovering from serious illness. People can and do recover from the trauma of illness all the time—and rebuild healthy sex lives in the process”.