Here’s what first love can feel like
Dear Hopeful Me,
Now that you’ve accepted which gender you happen to be attracted to, it’s only a matter of time before that four-letter-word starts playing a more serious part in your life. You’ve spent a while pretending that you don’t believe in Love, mostly because your darn low self-esteem has managed to convince you that you’ll never be worthy of it – but it’s coming, and I feel like you ought to know a little about how it’s going to go.
The first time it hits you it is going to hit you hard and fast. It will follow you home from the club, show its head on some – few and far between – dates, and most certainly be present through the hour-long phone calls night to night. At this point, it’s going to be confusing and terrifying all at the same time, but you’re going to be feeling too happy in the moment to care about this, so you’ll dive in head first. He’ll say it first, and you’ll say it right back – and then you’ll make a habit of saying it as often as possible to ensure he’s still saying it back, right up until he doesn’t that is.
That’s the first Love, and it’s a bitch – it will break you and hurt you.
You’ll spend a long time after that Love living like a wounded animal, you’ll limp from day to day simply hoping that something might change. To steal some wisdom from Cat Stevens, “The first cut is the deepest”, and this has never been truer than when it comes to Love.
Just hold on, Kiddo, you see, the truth is that Love isn’t a once in a lifetime affair – who knows how many times you might experience it in your life, but I can tell you right now that it’s definitely not just the once for you.
It might take a while to find someone you can trust again, someone who doesn’t mind the scars and the tears in your trust. But believe me, you’ll find him, and he just happens to be well worth the wait.
There are always going to be outside influences on your Love, PDA will never be as easy as it should be, and sometimes even holding hands might feel like a risk – thanks a lot, 2016 – but those are all the little things that you quickly realise don’t matter at all. You just have to trust your heart on this one – don’t listen to the head and all the overrun thoughts that might plague you. You are worthy of Love. You are entitled to Love. You deserve a happy future – maybe even with a diamond ring, a picket fence, and a few kids if that’s what you choose. Being Gay doesn’t change this – which is definitely something to keep in mind after that first love breaks you.
You are worthy of Love. You are entitled to Love. You deserve a happy future – maybe even with a diamond ring, a picket fence, and a few kids if that’s what you choose. Being Gay doesn’t change this – which is definitely something to keep in mind after that first love breaks you.
You are entitled to Love. You deserve a happy future – maybe even with a diamond ring, a picket fence, and a few kids if that’s what you choose. Being Gay doesn’t change this – which is definitely something to keep in mind after that first love breaks you.
You deserve a happy future – maybe even with a diamond ring, a picket fence, and a few kids if that’s what you choose. Being Gay doesn’t change this – which is definitely something to keep in mind after that first love breaks you.
Being Gay doesn’t change this – which is definitely something to keep in mind after that first love breaks you.
It’s hard to know when you find The One – in fact; everyone might feel like The One to you at times, but that’s when you really have no choice but to dive in headfirst. At the end of the day, Love might hurt you, but it’s nothing to be afraid of.
If it’s now or never, make it now.
Sincerely,
Twenty-Five Year Old (Loved, Unloved, and Loved Again) You
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Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you'd like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.
