Tag: Anal Sex

Everything you need to know about anal sex. We offer advice on positions, what lubes and how to keep safe while doing it

10 things you need to know about rimming

Before you go to town, there are a few things you should know…

So what is Rimming?

Rimming if you’re not in the know is where one person (the rimmer) licks, sucks, kisses, penetrates their partner’s (rimmee) anus with their tongue.

There’s a lot of guys who absolutely love receiving it and giving it, or both, but if the idea of rimming makes you feel a bit icky we’ve got some tips to make the w(hole) thing a lot more sexier.

Trim that hair

Although some people will love a hairy man butt, you should be aware that pubic hair around the ass will be teeming with bacteria. This is because little bits of faecal matter will cling to the hair (we call them chumber nuts)- and normal wiping with TP, won’t get rid of all of it. So you could buy some wet wipes, but it’s best to have a shower before any anal sex situation. Otherwise, you can shave your ass or even, if you’re brave, go for a waxing.

Clean it good

So while we’re on the matter of faecal matter, make sure that you have a good shower or bath before you get rimmed. Doctor Rick Viney, a consultant urological surgeon at BMI The Priory and BMI Edgbaston hospitals in Birmingham, told us, “there are plenty of E Coli in this environment so it is possible to get gastroenteritis…” So if you don’t want to spend time recovering from a dodgy belly, a good scrub from your rimmee is necessary.

Dam it

If you’re a bit icked out by the thought of sticking your tongue in some guy’s ass, why not try a dental dam. It’s a thin sheet of latex that you put in between your mouth and his butt. Check them out here

Talking about taste

If you’re gonna go straight for it and don’t want to use a dam, but not so taken with the taste of ass, then get the receiver to smother his asshole with flavoured lube.

You can get herpes…

So did you know you can get herpes from anal oral sex? Yes, if the giver has cold sores it’s best to stay clear of rimming until the sores have disappeared. Dr Rick Viney explained, “the risks from rimming are similar to oral sex. If there is active herpes, warts or syphilis these can spread directly to the mouth and vice versa.”

Lick it… Lick it good.

There are no hard and fast rules about what makes for a good rimming session. Whether you go up to down, from left to right, slow or fast, lapping or darting every moment will give the receiver feels.

For the receiver let your partner know what is working for you, by groans of enjoyment, similarly, the giver can ask, “does that feel good?” (obviously not when your mouth is full of ass)

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Up in the air

Probably the best position is with the receiver on their stomach whilst lifting the hips a little to make the hole accessible. You can also be on your back, however, if you’re a bit body conscious this might not be a great position.

On your back is a great position if you want to make eye contact with your rimmer.

You can also do what’s called face sitting. Where the rimmee essentially sits on the face of the rimmer. Be careful not to smother your partner. Leave room for breathing to take place.

Eat the right thing

As with anything butt related you might want to pay attention to what you’re eating before getting rimmed. You don’t want to spend the entire time worrying that you might blow off in your partner’s face.

We’ve made a list of things not to eat if you’re bottoming and these pretty much apply to being rimmed as well.

A great way to prepare for the next level

Rimming is a fantastic way to prepare for anal sex. All that licking and tongue thrusting can really get the motor running before taking your session to the next level. It can also help the bottom become a little more relaxed before fingers or a dick is introduced… Bravo!

Leave your rimming stories and comments in the comment section below!

30th March 2018
Kenya Bans Controversial Forced Anal Examinations

A court in Kenya has ruled that the controversial use of forced anal examinations on men suspect to be gay is unlawful, in a historic decision for the East African nation. The Court of Appeal in Mombasa ruled in favor of the National gay and Lesbian Human Rights Commission that the practice violates human rights. (more…)

24th March 2018
Can “Anal Examinations” prove someone is gay?

There’s been a change in the law in the African country of Kenya, which forbids a cruel and inaccurate medical procedure to determine if someone is gay or not.

There are over 70 countries in the world where homosexuality or sex between two men is illegal. Some of those countries have been known to force people suspected of being gay to have anal examinations.

What is an anal exam?

An anal examination would involve a doctor or other authority figure stripping someone, forcing them into a position to expose their anus and looking at the outside of their anus to determine whether that person had had anal sex.

There is a belief that the anus looks different if anal sex has taken place.

Some people who have experienced this cruel and humiliating practice have also spoken out about how fingers or other instruments were inserted into their anuses to determine the virginity of their rectums.

These tests are rarely done in private and may have several people present whilst the exam takes place.

Outdated

In practice, this sort of test is outdated and rarely, if ever, accurate. According to the Human Rights Watch, the test was discredited in the 19th century and note that many people who are forced to have these examines live with lasting psychological trauma.

The biggest lie in the history of medicine.

Doctor Sami Kawas, a forensic doctor says, “It is completely unreliable. Anal exam cannot tell you if you’re a homosexual or not whether you’re passive or you’re active this is the biggest lie ever created in the history of medicine”.

WATCH: This video includes testimony from people who were forced to take an anal examination.

Sticking anything inside someone’s anus, into their anal canal without their explicit consent would surely constitute a form of sexual assault.

Despite this anal examination outcomes are used in the prosecution of men suspected of having same-sex sex. HRW count Egypt and Tunisia as examples of countries that use this evidence to prosecute. A report is prepared and used in court as a form of evidence.

23rd March 2018
Can we use ginger as an insertable during sex?

This week a reader asks whether he and his partner can use a ginger root as an insertable during sex.

“Hey guys,

My partner and I want to be adventurous, and try vegetable insertion, and have been told ginger is particularly good as it gives a burning sensation.”

Anon

Dear Anon

Oh dear god don’t. Have you ever put a ginger directly on to your tongue? It burns. Now multiply that by many times over and that’s what, I imagine, putting a ginger up yer bum will most likely feel like.

Like chillies, ginger has chemical compounds that cause a burn. In ginger, the chemical is called Gingerol which is very similar to capsaicin – the heat and taste creating chemical in a chilli.

Now if you’re looking for something that gives off heat that is warming whilst putting something up your ass – then there are loads of lubes that will give you that sensation. For instance, Durex’s Warming lube will effectively warm up your hole, without making it a ring of fire.

Plus, it’s condom compatible and safe to use internally.

stux / Pixabay

If you’re looking for a bobbly insertable, there are many butt plugs or dildos on the market, like these anal beads from Carvaka that will give you interesting and unexpected feelings, down there.

As with anything that you might think about putting up your bum, a good rule of thumb is, if it burns on the tip of your tongue, it will feel even more intense elsewhere. Remember, the anus is much more difficult to wash out, at speed, than your mouth.

The advice listed above is not intended to replace or take the place of that of your own doctor, GP or medical professional who knows your full medical history. If in any doubt make an appointment with your doctor as soon as possible.

To get your sexual health and emotional questions answered click here.

8th March 2018
What’s the best way to apply lube for anal?

Unless you’re a new breed of human, if you’re gonna have anal, you’re gonna need lube. And lot’s of it.

You’re about to do the deed and your partner is just about to stick it in – what’s the best way of making sure you’re lubed and, more importantly, there’s enough of it?

So how do you apply lube?

Well, there’s two schools of thought.

The PreLuber: As a bottom or the receptive partner you can take control of the lube situation, by maybe putting some lube on or up your own butthole before you begin, perhaps as you’re getting ready – if you’re douching this might be the perfect time to do this after you’re done. Otherwise, the water inside you will flush away any lube.

Use your fingers to get some lube right up inside you and you’re sex ready!

Or you can buy, yes what a day and age we live in, a lube depositor, or lube launchers. Yep, there’s a device which can get the lube deep inside you. There are a number of different types from different makers. Check out the range here

The Mid-flow: During the action, you can get your partner to start to apply lube to your ass during the foreplay. If you’re using flavoured lube, then he can also have fun whilst rimming you. Then when you’re ready to receive, you can cover your partner’s dick (condomed or without) with lube as you blow him or jerk him off. Make sure, though, if he is wearing a condom, not to use oil-based lube. Only water or silicon.

Once he’s in, you’ll probably need to get him out of you after a few strokes and use a little more.

Or if you’re the topper, you can maybe play with your partner’s ass during foreplay and use your fingers to fully lubricate his ass. Either way, you’re going to want to make sure that you use enough – and don’t worry about stopping the action if you feel like you need more.

Remember more is more in these situations and it’s best to try a variety of lubes to see which works best for you.

2nd March 2018
Here’s what you should know if you’re planning to have anal sex (and have piles)

You can have sex if you have piles… but go carefully.

Suffering from piles when you’re a bottom or even a power bottom could spell disaster for your sex life. The fact is that piles or haemorrhoids are a fact of life for many people.

Piles are caused by swollen veins in the anus. They can be caused by straining when going to the toilet (number two), mainly during constipation, and many people don’t even know they have them – because they can occur inside your rectum – where you can’t see them.

When they come out your bottom, that’s when they can become a bit of a problem.

Does anal cause piles?

But before we go on, let’s clear one thing up, they aren’t caused by having anal sex.

Jose Perez de la Cruz, a Public Health Practitioner at the Terrence Higgins Trust told us, “anal sex has the potential to inflame pre-existing haemorrhoids (piles), though research shows that it does not cause them in the first place. So long as the piles are not actively bleeding or painful at the time of intercourse then it is probably safe to have sex”.

So should you take a break from anal sex if you’ve actively got piles going on? Jose continues, “I would recommend using Preparation H (under a fiver) or Germoloids (over a fiver) to help control pain and inflammation and to reduce swelling. During sex, it is also important that you use a good water-based lubricant, particularly during acts of multiple people or high-frequency sexual activity as this will reduce the chance of any inflammation being caused.”

He also suggests that they are unlikely to burst during sex, but suggests if the piles don’t clear up after a while that you book an appointment with your doctor to talk options.

The advice listed above is not intended to replace or take the place of that of your own doctor, GP or medical professional who knows your full medical history. If in any doubt make an appointment with your doctor as soon as possible.

OTHER QUESTIONS: HIV | WILLY WONDERS | HOLES | DOING IT | STIs | LUMPS & BUMPS | BACK TO SEX CLINIC HOME PAGE

Got a problem you’d like advice on? Click here to ask your question

30th January 2018
DILEMMA | How do I have sex with a guy for the first time?

A reader asks, having never had sex with a man before, how does he do it?

Dear TGUK,

I’m a 57-year-old guy, how do I have sex with a guy for first time?

(Name withheld)

Here’s what we think:

Daniel Browne Warwickshire Pride Founder

There are many ways of having sex, but it’s not for me to tell you how you should be doing it.

Ultimately it’s your journey. It’s personal and unique to you, so in time you’ll discover what you like and what you don’t. What I will say is that it’s important you feel comfortable and relaxed about what you are doing. It’s common for people to put pressure on themselves when it comes to sex, and that pressure is often heightened when doing something for the first time.

Whether it’s performance anxiety or worrying about getting it right, pressure can mount and that never really helps the situation.

My advice is to do what comes naturally to you and take your time. Be sure about what you are doing, and enjoy it. And remember that there is no right or wrong way to have sex, other than perhaps playing safe.

Jake Hook Editor THEGAYUK.com

It might be worth to make a list of things you actually want to do, what you think you’d be comfortable with and what you’re not comfortable with. There are loads of different types of sex from mutual masturbation to anal sex to fisting.

Making that list will help you set some boundaries. Once you know where those boundaries lie, you can set about finding someone whose ideas on sex fit with yours. It’s relatively easy to find out what potential partners are into, especially on dating apps and hook up sites. The simple question, “what are you into?” will yield loads of info and you can work out whether you’ll be comfortable with that person.

If you’re not very experienced, never underestimate the power of communication. Let your partner know that you’re a newbie, maybe make it a part of the experience – and have a talk about the sex you’re going to have. It could turn out to be quite the turn on.

As always, whatever you end up doing, make sure you’re safe, use condoms and if you’re having anal sex, make sure you use lots of lube.

Have you got a dilemma you’d like us to answer? Click here to visit our dilemmas page.

28th January 2018
BIG GAY GLOSSARY | Anal

What does Anal mean?

Anal sex is where two people engage in penetrative sex where a penis, dildo or vibrate enters the anus. Usually, anal sex might refer to the sex that gay or bisexual men might have with each other, but it is also prevalent in the heterosexual community.

In gay sex, the receptive partner is often called the “bottom” whilst the giver is often referred to as the “top”.

Anal sex can come with some health risks. There is an increased chance of being infected with HIV if condoms aren’t used or either partner (top or bottom) aren’t on anti-HIV drugs, also known as PrEP. There is also a chance of being infected with other sexually transmitted diseases if a condom isn’t used.

There are also issues surrounding anal fissures and tears which can cause great discomfort and can cause bleeding after sex.

However, anal sex is perfectly safe and enjoyed by millions of people around the globe, as long the receptive partner relaxes, uses lots of lube and takes the time needed.

Can you expand this definition? Use the comments below and your answer could be used to expand or define this glossary entry.

Check out more definitions in our Big Gay Glossary

5th January 2018
Why it might be hurting when you have sex

Ever wondered why it hurts when you’re having sex?

Partner not being patient

There’s no rush and it’s not a race, so STFD (slow the F down). It can take time to the receptive partner ready – regardless what you see in porn, or that infamous spit and shove scene in Brokeback Mountain – you shouldn’t really just start ploughing – you could cause damage. The more effort you put in at the beginning will pay dividends for the long play.

Piles

You might have them not even know about it. Some piles are inside you – and you won’t even know that they are there until – pop! People who have piles complain that they are itchy and stinging. If you have that sensation it might be worth getting some medical advice – and lay off the anal sex for a few weeks.

If you’re suffering from haemorrhoids you can buy Preparation H or Germaloids online and this should help ease them away and give yourself a few days rest from sex to help you heal.

You have a sexual health issue

STIs can play havoc with your private parts causing untold itches, stinging and throbbings. If you’re sexually active go get checked out at your nearest sexual health clinic.

You’re not relaxed

Again take it slow. The anus is not self-lubricating and needs a little attention before your partner can go full steam ahead. Make sure you spend a little time on foreplay. And make sure there’s lube – plenty of it.

Not enough lube

More more more…

When it comes to anal sex, lube is always best and usually, just like bottles of booze at a party – the more the merrier. For a full run down on anal sex and lube read our article on why it matters.

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10th September 2017
Is it normal to bleed after anal sex?

Myths persist – but here’s what you need to know if you’re bleeding after anal sex.

(C) BIGSTOCK / Depositphotos

Anal sex can be an integral part of a sexual relationship, but not all couples do it – however, there’s a lot of wrong information out there about bottoming.

Bleeding after anal sex can be just ‘one of those things’ and can happen on your first go round or your 100th – so to put your mind and butt at rest, here’s why it happens.

Tiny rips happen

Your rectum is not self-lubricating, so unless you’re using lube, you’re going to be creating a lot of friction, which can cause the lining of the rectum to tear or rip a little, if this sounds hideous, it might be worth noting that most of these rips are tiny – and can actually happen outside of sex as well. These rips can cause bleeds – and most probably you’ve had bleeds but never realised it.

It happens because the lining of your rectum is not as strong as your normal skin.

Also, anal sex could also be causing what is known as an anal fissure. Anal fissures are tiny rips that can happen both on the inside and on and around your actual hole – especially if you’re not relaxed or have not loosened yourself up before the main event. These can heal all by themselves within a few weeks.

The P Word…

Another issue is the dreaded P word – yes piles.

Bleeds may be caused by popping a pile or if we’re going to be medical about it, haemorrhoids. Piles are completely normal and are the enlargement of a blood vessel that already exists inside your butt. You might not even know you have one until it pops during sex.

Some people have visible piles on the outside of the anus, whilst some have them on the inside.

There’s no evidence to show that having anal sex causes piles but it can inflame the issue.

Jose Perez de la Cruz from THT told us, “So long as the piles are not actively bleeding or painful at the time on intercourse then it is probably safe to have sex. If they are bleeding or there is inflammation though this means that the natural protective barrier formed by the skin and mucous membranes is not at its optimum which if exposed to an STI can make transmission more likely”.

“So long as the piles are not actively bleeding or painful at the time on intercourse then it is probably safe to have sex. If they are bleeding or there is inflammation though this means that the natural protective barrier formed by the skin and mucous membranes is not at its optimum which is exposed to an STI can make transmission more likely”.

If you’re suffering from haemorrhoids you can buy Preparation H or Germaloids online and this should help ease them away and give yourself a few days rest from sex to help you heal.

When should I seek help?

If you are experiencing a lot of pain or prolonged aching after sex you might need to seek medical help. It is normal for there to be some discomfort for a day after, especially after your first time. However, if pain continues you should go and see your GP or book yourself into a sexual health clinic.

If there is a lot of blood (think steady drip rather than a bit of spotting on your toilet paper) you should go and see your doc ASAP.

Dr Shawn Khodadadian, a board-certified gastroenterologist in Manhattan, is cautioning people against ignoring rectal bleeding. He warns that rectal bleeding could be a sign of other, far more serious illness such as colorectal or colon cancer. He said,

“as there are many possible causes and getting an early diagnosis is particularly important. This is because although rectal bleeding can be a symptom of haemorrhoids, colitis or anal fissures, it can also be a sign of a far more serious illness for example colorectal or colon cancer. These types of cancers can often be completely cured when detected early.”

You’re gonna need lube and lots of it

So the best way to stop the friction is to use lube a lot of it. You can find out about the different types of lube here. If you’re having a long session – they don’t forget to keep reapplying the lube or use a silicone-based lube, which should last a lot longer.

Remember, despite what you see in gay porn, you can just ram it in. You need to take your time, use lube and go an inch at a time!

Good luck and have fun!

30th August 2017
If you’re finding it hard to bottom for your boyfriend try these 7 tricks

So if you’re new to bottoming or you’re just looking some tips on to how to make it easier, here are some tips

F**k First.

We’re not going to take credit for this, Dan Savage talks about doing the deed before you go out on a romantic date! Yep, get the good stuff first. If you’re planning a night out with your man – sex first. That way, on your date, you can eat to your heart’s content – and not worry about stomach or gut-related issues later on.

You on top.

This position is normally called the Cowboy. The best way to control how far your partner goes in is with you on top. With you, on top, you can also control the speed of the thrusts – or limit them altogether. You can be in complete control of the movement because your partner’s range of movement will be limited.

Your hand in the way.

So if you’re tired of the cowboy position you can try all manner of other positions, but try this trick. If your partner is just too long for you, you can put your hand in the way. So imagine putting his penis through your fist and then into you. That eliminates around 3 inches of his actual length. The “top” partner shouldn’t really feel any less pleasure- especially if you lube up the inside of your palm.

As you get more accustomed you can change the fist into a V shape made from your index and middle finger in front of your butthole.

Spooning position.

Another range limiting position is the spooning position, where you lie on your side and your partner comes in from behind also lying on his side. To limit the range of thrust close your legs – as you get used to the feeling of him inside you, you can start to open your legs more.

It’s all in the Prep.

Spending some time by yourself – prepping can actually help loosen you up. If you’re comfortable douching that will definitely get your butt more relaxed. You can try with a showerhead, however, you must be careful of water pressure and the heat of the water – or with an actual douche.

Douches are relatively inexpensive and are an effective way of making sure you’re all flushed out. Our online store stocks a great range of douches, including shower douches, which offer a much deeper and extensive clean out.

Prep can also come in the guise of using a little dildo or vibrator that you can have some fun with before the main event. You could even have two one small and one larger for when you get a little more relaxed.

Pre-lube yourself.

After prepping yourself, why not pre-lube yourself. Don’t just wait before you’re actually in the moment, you could try using a thicker lube like the FistIt range of lubes. Using your finger take a blob of the lube and put it right inside you.

Or you could even use a lube launcher or shooter. Insert the tube and squirt away! However, make sure if you’re using a lube which isn’t water-based that it might not be suitable to use with latex condoms – always check the packaging for instructions.

If you’re going to use condoms don’t use oil-based lube, instead you silicone or water-based lubes. You can find a range of lubes from our official store.

Tell Him STFD

In the end, it’s your body and your butt. If you’re not happy TELL HIM. Or as we like to say… Slow The F*** DOWN. There’s no need to rush and you should take your time. Be sensitive to your body and let go at your pace.

11th June 2017