THEGAYUK

Tag: Movie Genre Action

  • FILM REVIEW | Jumanji: Welcome To The Jungle

    JUMANJI: WELCOME TO THE JUNGLE – A modern version of the book and 22-year-old Robin Williams family favourite movie original now in up to date computer game stylee featuring studs The Rock and Nick Jonas.

    Nutshell – Four very different teenagers get zapped into the former jungle board game, now all modern and digitised to the hi-tech gaming world. They have to work through the levels and team up to escape meanwhile their numbers of lives are diminishing fast. The key is that the avatar characters they are in the game are entirely different and even the opposite sex from the ones they are in the outside world. Comedy chaos is the obvious result as the wildlife and baddies attack in ever increasing numbers of mayhem. Pure family fun with added sweating bulging man muscle.

    Running Time – 119 minutes

    Certificate – 12A.

    Tagline – ‘The Game Has Evolved’.

    THEGAYUK Factor – This is so good as you get two of the hottest men around from opposite spectrums. For the muscle and masculine fans, you get the largest man on the planet Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson and also the sexiest young pop star around the oh so doable Nick Jonas. Both show tonnes of skin and they sweat all the way through.

    Cast – Johnson and Jonas lead the eye candy, but you also get the comedy genius of Jack Black, the UK’s very own Karen Gillan who has done so well for herself since stepping out of the Tardis plus Kevin Hart, Bobby Cannavale and Flight Of The Conchords Rhys Darby.

    Key Player – Jack Black steals yet another movie. Here in the game, he is a geeky middle-aged man but he is inhabited by a sexy mobile phone addicted brainless school slutty girl, and this is manor from heaven for our favourite short-assed comedy genius.

    Budget – $90 Million and it is all on the screen. By New Years Day it had already made twice that back in the USA alone – worldwide over $350 Million, so obviously this is the family film that everyone wanted who is not into the activities in a galaxy far far away. Hopefully, we will get loads of sequels with Dwayne topless in all of them.

    Best Bit – 1.17 mins; Not an action scene but proof that the winning factor here is the characters chemistry. The slutty airhead girl has to teach the virgin geek girl how to flirt with two guards to cause a much-needed distraction, and it is the best comedy sequence by far, and you will scream at the transformation – think Sandy in the final sequence from Grease done for comedy value.

    Worst Bit – 1.22 mins; The big action sequence with a dangerous helicopter chase with very dodgy King Kong style CGI and highly unrealistic pieces helicopters cannot fly sideways even in video games guys!

    Little Secret – This is not shot in Africa but the same Hawaii locations as many of our favourites such as Jurassic Park and the TV series Lost and it looks like it. There are endless references to the Robin Williams’ character and the first film and no doubt that will increase in the inevitable sequels. Rather than the obvious Guns and Roses welcome song being used as the theme tune the leads offered to sing it instead which is not new for Jack Black and Jonas but is a new venture for Johnson, Hart and Gillan. Of course, this is the second film starring The Rock called Welcome To The Jungle so be careful if searching online for it.

    Further Viewing – Jumanji, The Legend Of Tarzan, Tomb Raider, Romancing The Stone, Tron, Raiders Of The Lost Ark, The Jungle Book, George Of The Jungle basically anything with the word Jungle…

    Any Good – That Box Office does not lie. A lot of it will be from good word of mouth. This should have been a CGI car crash but due to the characters outside the game picking the opposite character types in the game which is a comedy masterstroke seeing The Rock as a wimp and Hart as the sidekick etc. we get a hilarious action adventure, and the casting is spot on. This film won’t change your life but you will be an awful lot happier from seeing it, and boy Dwayne’s body just seems to be getting bigger and hotter. Just imagine that shagging you in bed.

    Rating – 71% out of 100.

  • FILM REVIEW | Star Wars: The Last Jedi

    STAR WARS: THE LAST JEDI – The eighth film from a galaxy far far away, bigger, better, longer, more convoluted and with added gay appeal as the new Darth Vader gets his kit off. These films are not just for kids anymore

    FILM REVIEW | Star Wars: The Last Jedi

    Nutshell – This film picks up from the end of the Force Awakens so there is no need for character introductions or background info so we can get straight into a very good twisty turny story with endless action and so many strands to follow in future. Han Solo is pushing up intergalactic daisies, and the rebels lead by Carrie Fisher’s Leia in her final acting role before she sadly passed have finally located Luke Skywalker, and he is not a happy bunny. The new bad guys the First Order are in control of the entire Galaxy, and the good guys are down to a few hundred, and they are hotly pursued, is this the end – strap yourself in for a great roller coaster ride through hyperspace and beyond – this will be very big indeed.

    Running Time – 150 minutes The longest Star Wars film to date by a considerable margin but there is a lot of story to get through here; Certificate – 12A.

    Tagline – Doesn’t need one if you don’t know what is going on here after 40 years then you never will.

    THEGAYUK Factor – There has been nothing gay in the Star Wars universe to date and then suddenly here the new Darth Vader Kylo Ren for no plot reason whatsoever starts walking around shirtless… it is very eyeopening and slightly jarring. He looks really good and the unnecessary scene lingers on, even one of the other characters tells him to get some clothes on and cover himself up but we were happy with it. There are no other apparent studs here like say early Harrison Ford, but we hope for more gay angles in future maybe next time Chewbacca will get a blowjob from a hot Ewok or perhaps C-3PO will get into fisting.

    Cast – From the original series you get Mark Hamill, Carrie Fisher with a much more significant part than you may expect, Anthony Daniels and Frank Oz. They are joined by the new team of Daisy Ridley, John Boyega, Adam Driver, Oscar Isaac, Andy Serkis, Laura Dern, Benicio Del Toro, Game Of Thrones Gwendoline Christie even Ade Edmondson turns up, and of course, Prince William and Prince Harry are there as stormtroopers.

    Key Player – George Lucas has not been involved for five years, but he got so much right with the first film(s) that this and all future SW films are slam dunks – probably impossible to screw up. You get some real crowd-pleasing new stars in the Porgs which take to nesting in the Millenium Falcon amongst other places. The fox-like Crystal Critters and BB-8, the new fan favourite droid, gets a bigger part and he steals the movie. Disney knows better than anyone what they are doing with franchises and product placement and every kid and big kid will buy anything with these characters on.

    Budget – $200 Million and already in 5 days it has made $450 Million and is heading towards the Top 20 of all time. Repeat viewings will push it to the top of that list hopefully with huge profit unless the competition steals screens from under it namely Ferdinand, Pitch Perfect 3, The Greatest Showman and Spielberg/Hanks/Streep’s The Post all within ten days of SW opening. Disney currently reportedly makes $2.5 billion every year from the brand in memorabilia, so the film is a big money-maker.

    Best Bit – 2.11 mins; The final battle is one of the best of the entire series but every appearance of BB-8 is a winner and the Porgs double act with Chewbacca throughout is priceless.

    Worst Bit – 1.02 mins; Some editing would have been nice as we could do with less Jedi training and not as much time spent on an unnecessary Casino planet. That you can live with but when Leia is blown out into space and goes all Marvel superhero – there is a serious problem – it is a rare mistake in a great addition to the saga.

    Little Secret – There is only one Star Wars film on the biggest box office chart of all time, and that is The Force Awakens in third place behind Titanic, and Avatar and they are the exclusive three members of the Two Billion Dollar club. High hopes for this one to get up there but that running time will limit the number of shows per day, and that competition is coming for its screens with gusto and no fear. The Last Jedi‘s first record target is to beat Fast and Furious 8 the biggest movie of the year to date, and it is way behind that at present. Its other big Achilles heel is that Star Wars is just not popular in Asia unlike Harry Potter, Lord Of The Rings, Pirates, Jurassic, Transformers, Avengers and Fast and Furious films and that is a bloody big market.

    Further Viewing – Star Wars 1-7, Rogue Nation, Spaceballs, Star Trek’s 1-13, Avatar, Buck Rogers, Flash Gordan and Battlestar Galactica.

    Any Good – It is wonderful and so entertaining. New fans maybe should steer clear as there is so much past knowledge needed here. Great effects, several wow moments, sad bits, laugh out loud bits and something for all ages and plenty for geeks and those that just want a great Friday popcorn night out to forget their working woes. On now to next year’s Han Solo origin story, but do not miss this one in the meantime.

    Rating – 87% out of 100.

  • FILM REVIEW | The Justice League

    THE JUSTICE LEAGUE – The biggest superheroes in the DC Universe come together Avengers Assemble style as earth is under a massive alien threat yet again and the Marvel lads are all on their hols but can Batman, Wonder Woman, Aquaman, The Flash & Cyborg be able to work together and are they in time…

    FILM REVIEW | The Justice League

    Spoiler alert the answer is No!

    Nutshell – After the death of Batman in the previous film, sacrificing himself saving humankind, Batman is inspired to recruit a reluctant team of superpowered latex clad buddies to deal with an unprecedented outer space threat. The Justice League is formed and after the destruction of Wonder Woman’s island paradise and Aquaman’s submerged home the global chase for three all-powerful MacGuffins is on, watch out for the big surprise guest appearance.

    Running Time – 120 minutes; Certificate – 12A.

    Tagline – ‘Justice For All – You Can’t Save The World Alone’

    THEGAYUK Factor – OMG it’s full of great looking guys in hot fetish gear. Led by the fittest guy ever from Game Of Thrones Jason Momoa who is a new gay icon – for us muscle lovers – as Aquaman and his outfit is stunning and boy does it show his ass off along before the many times he strips down to swim. We cannot wait for his stand-alone movie which will be two straight hours of pure Grade A handy shandy material. Add the bulging spandex crutches of Ben Affleck, Henry Cavill, Ezra Miller and Ciaran Hinds and you get one horny film with the bonus of the new queen of camp Gal Gadot and her ring of truth which only makes us think of Momoa’s ass once again.

    Cast – Affleck, Gadot, Momoa, Cavill lead the league but we also get Jeremy Irons, Diane Lane, Connie Nielsen, JK Simmons and Amy Adams playing the least sexy Lois Lane – ever – for your ticket price plus another huge star at the end of the final credits.

    Key Player – The saviour of the DC universe Wonder Woman holds all the attention here and always draws your eye line from the sleep-inducing Affleck’s Batman, he is about as entertaining as finding sand on your favourite dildo. She saved the Bat Vs Supe’s film with just 3 scenes, her own film is the second biggest moneymaker of the year and she is top dog in the League by far.

    We have no idea why we loved this film so much… oh so much…

    Budget – An absolutely massive $300 Million which is less than many countries earn in a year – its a cliché but most of it is on the screen with very big production scenes maybe more should have been spent on the script though, which brings a whole new meaning to the word formulaic.

    Best Bit – 0.21 mins; When Aquaman strips off for the first time showing his many tatt’s and boy does he take his time otherwise the battle and chase of Wonder Woman’s Amazonian tribe on horseback is by far the best action beat.

    Worst Bit – 0.19 mins and 0.34 mins and 0.48 mins…..; Basically every time the Flash comes on the screen, he is weak, his scenes are weak and he is less Premier League and more like Southern Conference League up against everyone else here and anyway Superman is faster so whats the point of him? He probably suffers from premature ejaculation too.

    Little Secret – Already there is a hugely successful big budget gay porn version out of this Justice League from Men.com where Batman rodders Superman, Cyborg gives a good going over on the The Flash, Wonder Woman is played by a drag queen and Aquaman humps every guy in the film repeatedly… sign me up. It is already controversial for adding other characters like The Green Lantern everyone’s least favourite superhero (Thanks, Ryan Reynolds) and also the only black character in either the Avengers or League teams is… oh dear – played by a white porn star – racism in gay porn so what’s new?

    Further Viewing – Really!!! With over 50 films featuring the superheroes above just go to Google and type in stretched spandex over bulging crutch movies and whilst you are there just search for Marvel or DC Comics and you will have two weeks worth of identical movies to watch with everyone saving the world each and every fucking time in just under two hours.

    Any Good – This is a very expensive perfectly adequate film, you will smile, laugh, get excited and be entertained throughout, the trouble is it is just so damn generic and we have seen it all so many times before. A magical object is hidden on earth that can now destroy us all and good guys/bad guys with whatever powers they need to survive 50 rounds of unrealistic fighting and nobody ever seems to get injured or hospitalised. It’s all about as realistic as a Donald Trump promise to protect LGBT+ rights. Do stay right to the end of the credits as the last secret scene is well worth the 10-minute screen scroll wait and it gives a huge clue as to where we are all going next as if six superheroes in one film weren’t enough?

    Rating – 62 out of 100.

  • FILM REVIEW | Thor Ragnarok

    THOR RAGNAROK – The Third official Thor film stays largely in outer space this time and is all the better for it and this time he has the Hulk for company too.

    Nutshell – Our hero loses a battle against his evil Sister Hela and is imprisoned across the galaxy with evil brother Loki (What a family!) on a gladiatorial planet where his next opponent is a truly p*ssed off Incredible Hulk his former Avenger mate. He has to escape the inescapable planet, travel 100,000 miles and defeat the uber b*tch to save his home planet of Asgard but he is way too late and whose side is Loki actually on?

    Running Time – 130 minutes; Certificate – 12A.

    Tagline – ‘No Hammer, No Problem’ yes the big hunk of spunk loses his massive weapon for the whole of this movie.

    THEGAYUK Factor – Chris Hemsworth taking his shirt off over and over again here and his body is better than ever. This Aussie studfukka is top of most guys wank bank list just ahead of his equally hot younger brother (see below) and you get Idris Elba too here in a very very tight top.

    Cast – Chris ‘Come to bed eyes’ Hemsworth aided and abetted by a bunch of superstars including Tom Hiddleston, Cate Blanchett, Mark Ruffalo, Idris Elba, Anthony Hopkins, Jeff Goldblum, Benedict Cumberbatch now that is one serious cast and a huge load of hot talent.

    Key Player – The whole cast of Guardians Of The Galaxy‘s 1 & 2 who have added humour to the Marvel Universe without getting cheesy. The massive success of those 2 movies since the last muddled Thor film are present in the ingredients here; this film is so funny and comes out like Guardians 3 and that is a very good thing indeed…now if we can only get the Guardian’s Chris Pine and Hemsworth in the same film we will never watch gay porn again.

    Budget – $180 Million as there is no such thing as a cheap Marvel or DC Comic film these days as they all make huge amounts of cash (Unless they are called The Fantastic Four). This will make as much as any of them and set up next May’s Avengers Civil War which could easily be the biggest film of all time.

    Best Bit – 0.49 mins; The big gladiatorial battle been Thor and Hulk finally kicks off and boy is it good and with real threat as Hulk is a real bad boy here. The battle looks really nasty and Thor seems like a real gonna. Don’t be late as the pre-credits action scene in Ragnaroks hell-like dungeon is just as good.

    Worst Bit – 0.14 mins; The pointless and overly stylised appearance of Doctor Strange (Benedict Cumberbatch) is just unnecessary and comes over like showboating by Marvel studios which sometimes seem a bit cameo happy.

    Little Secret – On the subject of cameos in one scene where we get Matt Damon, Sam Neill and Chris Hemsworth’s hot sexy little brother Liam Hemsworth all appear. Thor’s hammer is smashed here and he doesn’t get it back and won’t it is gone for good. The original Hammer destruction scene was meant to be in New York with Brisbane standing in and can be seen in the trailers but the director changed it to a random field at a later date in re-shoots which is what makes it into the film.

    Further Viewing – Guardians 1 & 2 and anything else from the Marvel universe to start with but as this is the comic book film set entirely in space it also reeks of the Star Wars prequels too which is definitely no bad thing so try The Phantom Menace, Attack of the Clones and Revenge of the Sith also.

    Any Good – This is a very good Marvel film and a step up from Wonder Woman and Doctor Strange and it is also the best Thor chapter yet. You get Thor with sexy long hair and even sexier short hair all for your £8 ticket price. Yet It is the humour that makes it special of course there is a tonne of action and visual effects but Thor sure owes those Guardians a drink or two.

    Rating – 80% out of 100.

     

    Pre-Order from Amazon | iTunes

  • FILM REVIEW | Kingsman: The Golden Circle

    KINGSMAN: THE GOLDEN CIRCLE – The camp as Christmas Jason Bourne/James Bond piss take is back for number two with big laughs, endless extreme bloodshed and more anal sex jokes again.

    FILM REVIEW | Kingsman: The Golden Circle

    Nutshell – Eggsy and the sexy as fu*k Merlin (The shaggable Mark Strong) go on the run after Julianne Moore and her henchmen totally destroy the Kingsman spy organisation. So it’s off to Kentucky in the USA to meet the even bigger and better Statesmen organisation of great looking spies like Channing Tatum and Halle Berry, cue car chases galore, gadgets, robo attack dogs and the kidnap of Elton John via Glastonbury, The Alps and Cambodia in the sequel twice as explosive as the first.

    Running Time – 141 minutes;

    Certificate – 15.

    Tagline – ‘Reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated
    The Gay UK Factor – Taron Egerton – fit, Mark Strong – masculine, Pedro Pascal – Hairy Latin stud, Channing Tatum – Uber fit and loads of other thugs and good guys that no-one would kick out of bed – this is a true wank fest.

    Cast – Egerton, Strong, Pascal and Tatum are backed up by Colin Firth (didn’t he die in the first one?), Keith Allen, Julianne Moore, Halle Berry, Michael Gambon, Jeff Bridges and Elton John with a real major part so plenty here to keep you occupied – how big will the cast be in part three and will Bennie and Jet the Robodogs be back?

    Key Player – Matthew Vaughan the director and man behind Kick-Ass, The X-men, Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels, Eddie The Eagle etc is a master at mixing light content with bouts of extreme gore and action and he has the perfect vehicle here. He also writes the film here alongside Jane Goldman (Mrs Jonathon Ross) and their endless invention is here for all to see and boy is it giving the fans what they want.

    Budget – $104 Million way up on the first film and its cash registers are ringing like crazy making that back in just 5 days so it is off into the land of mega profit from now. This is a big hit and some.

    Best Bit – 1.31 mins; A breathtaking assault on an Alpine mountaintop stronghold climaxing in a truly stunning cable car sequence one of the best action beats of the year and it even beats the opening London Taxi fight/chase which is as good as any sequence of the Summer but the film just gets better as it goes on .

    Worst Bit – 0.21 mins; Julianne Moore as the bad guy who has a thing for Grease style 1950’s Americana and her HQ is a Fonzie/Happy Days style diner is just not nasty enough even though she does have a mean trick of putting her enemies through a burger mincer – she is a bit like a fourth division Bond villain when we needed a nasty as f*ck Blofeld type.

    Little Secret – There just having fun here but this movie stars a mega five Oscar winners in Firth, Berry, Moore, Bridges and Elton the latter for The Lion King. The original film length was over 3 hours 40 minutes which would have made it the longest blockbuster of the Millenium and beating Titanic/Avatar & any Lord Of The Rings film until the Studio insisted on cuts. This is Elton’s 21st acting credit and by far his biggest, he has starred in everything from SpiceWorld, Tommy and Bob The Builder in the past but here he gets to kick butt instead of shagging it.

    Further Viewing – Kingsman 1, James Bond circa Roger Moore, Spy, Austin Powers, The Bourne Identity, Kick-Ass, Carry On Spying and The Johnny English films.

    Any Good – Matthew Vaughn said if you didn’t like the first one you are gonna really hate this one and likewise we believe the converse is just as correct. More of the same just bigger and brasher all in all not as good as the number one but isn’t that normal with sequels.

    Rating – 69% out of 100.

  • FILM REVIEW | War For The Planet Of The Apes

    WAR FOR THE PLANET OF THE APES – The third and final part of the revamped ape apocalypse trilogy and this time the humans are definitely the bad guys in an all out battle royale for dominance of the position at the top of the food chain and planetary dominance.

    FILM REVIEW | War For The Planet Of The Apes

    Nutshell – The story of Caeser who we have followed from domesticated scientific experiment to the leader of the ape population in the forests above San Francisco and beyond. After a skirmish where the apes bear insufferable losses they decide on a massive exodus to safer climes. Unfortunately, the humans want the ape threat destroyed for good and a huge new baddie in the burly shape of Woody Harrelson’s The Colonel is in their way leading to the ultimate showdown as the two species go for World War Three.

    Running Time – A bum numbing 140 minutes; Certificate – 12A.

    Tagline – ‘For Freedom, For Family, For The Planet’

    The Gay UK Factor – Unless you are into bestiality or have a thing for bears over at XXL or BRUT hairy men’s clubs then it is down to the humans and luckily there is loads of them and everyone is in uniform. There is a lot of muscle here and it is all sweating and grunting a lot, our top three military men were Chad Rook, Dean Redman and Steve Baran – drop and give us twenty as we will be lying underneath.

    Cast – Woody Harrelson is the main human draw and all the other main actors are green screen/motion capture monkey performers all covered in lycra golf ball suits and digitised out. Lead by Andy Serkis, Tony Kebbell and animal character specialist Steve Zahn.

    Key Player – These are Andy Serkis’s movies and he is almost in every scene here. You start to forget he is a human on a sound stage and get drawn into the incredible emotional arc he goes through here from extreme grief, through anger, leadership, cunning, despair and a trilogy climax that will leave you emotionally wrought.

    Budget – $150 Million the priciest ape film of all time and clearly it has been money well spent judging by its strong Box Office. This title will probably continue somehow in a new direction to keep reaping the cash in.

    Best Bit – 0.15 mins; A great nighttime waterfall fight scene which sets up the events of the whole movie and establishes exactly how much of a total bastard and probably hard shagging top the Colonel is.

    Worst Bit – 0.57mins; The introduction of the biggest new monkey character ‘Bad Ape’ largely for comedy purposes than any plot development is annoying in a poor man’s Gollum sort of way.

    Little Secret – The entire film seems to form a bridge between its obvious predecessors and the original Charlton Heston series of movies from 50 years ago. Names of characters, references to the atomic bomb, production values, the introduction or a de-evolving disease in humans etc all have a purpose in this and pay special attention to the Orang Utang who seems to be the biggest link of all. The attacking soldiers in the big battle here are fully covered from head to toe and the director has indicated that this may be because they are apes which will blow everyone’s concepts apart.

    Further Viewing – There are 8 other ape movies (And a great cartoon TV series) to enjoy or endure depending on which you pick ranging from the superb original in 1968 or alternatively beneath, conquest, dawn, battle, rise or escape basically any verb you choose to put in front of the ‘Planet Of The Apes’ monicker but avoid the Mark Wahlberg one at all costs.

    Any Good – The modern trilogy has been consistently good and this is probably the best yet and the perfect closer to this set of films. We know there will be more probably spin off’s or further tales of other groups but this story is done and Serkis has left the franchise… but as he was a digital character all bets might be off on that.

    Rating – 72% out of 100

     

  • FILM REVIEW | Scribe

    An unemployed accountant takes a job that puts him in the middle of a political conspiracy in the new film “Scribe.”

    FILM REVIEW | Scribe

    “Scribe (La Mécanique de l’ombre)” is a timely taut French thriller that builds its suspense in events that lead up to a political election. François Cluzet is Duval, a recovering alcoholic who takes a job as a transcriber that is literally offered to him with no questions asked. He is tasked with typing telephone conversations from tapes that are numbered and left for him in a nondescript flat where he is all alone. He is told by his boss Clément (Denis Podalydés) to keep to himself, to remain unnoticed, and to not smoke in the flat. He is supposed to open the curtains when he arrives at 9 a.m. and to close them when he leaves at 6 p.m. But as the days go on and the conversations on the tapes he transcribes become all too realistic and downright criminal, it’s clear to Duval that the organisation he is working for is somehow involved in trying to manipulate the upcoming election. After a high profile figure is murdered, the conversation of which is on one of the tapes, it’s just a matter of time before Duval gets caught up in the conspiracy, and a murder,
    and eventually, his life is in danger by the very organisation that employs him.

    Scribe has all the ingredients of being a great political thriller in the same vein as The Manchurian Candidate and 2006’s Oscar winning German film The Lives of Others. Director Thomas Kruithof superbly builds the tension while at the same time not giving too much away during the film until its explosive ending. This film is well worth a watch.

    “Scribe” is in cinemas and on demand from 21st July

  • FILM REVIEW | Baby Driver

    BABY DRIVER – The surprise hit of the summer, The UK’s very own Edgar Wright takes on the American car chase genre and makes an absolute film classic… all to an endless hit music soundtrack.

    FILM REVIEW | Baby Driver

    Nutshell – Baby is a 22-year-old driver for crime kingpin Doc and he does it all to pounding music to drown out his tinnitus hearing problem and he has been doing it since he learnt to wipe his own butt. He meets a love interest waitress and sees a way-out but escaping his crime world will prove a lot harder than he hopes… cue heists, exciting four-wheel action, plenty of gunplay and huge stunts and boy is it massively enjoyable.

    Running Time – 135 minutes; Certificate – 15.

    Tagline – ‘All You Need Is One Killer Track’

    THEGAYUK Factor – Jon Hamm is well known for allegedly having the biggest appendage in Hollywood and this is his best breakthrough movie. There are many scenes where you get to see this weapon of ass destruction in full view in all the action beats and boy is this one eyed trouser-snake distracting. There are some big firing weapons on show here but it’s obvious who has the biggest ‘gun’.

    Cast – Ansel Elgort stars alongside a mega supporting cast including Kevin Spacey, Jon Hamm, Jamie Foxx, Lily James and Flea from the Red Hot Chilli Peppers & BigBoi from Outkast continuing this Summer of celeb cameos following David Beckham, Paul McCartney and Harry Styles elsewhere.

    Key Player – Edgar Wright does everything here including writing, directing, producing and choosing all the music. The Dorset born cinematic genius from his Spaced/French & Saunders beginnings through Shaun of the Dead, Hot Fuzz, TinTin, Antman & The World’s End has been leading up towards this his whole career – Simon Pegg will have to look for a new buddy now.

    Budget – $34 Million and boy it looks bigger than that on screen. So far in two weeks, it has made three times its costs with many territories still to be released in and this cult film will do mega-business on DVD, download and streaming which it is perfect for – A Hit Hit Hit!

    Best Bit – 0.05 mins; A tour de force of the most complicated very long running shot of all time as the lead walks around several blocks interacting with hundreds of extras all hitting exact beats of a Martha Reeves & The Vandellas Motown classic… very clever indeed and it sets you in the mood for a truly special experience.

    Worst Bit – 0.33 mins; The female lead, a waitress, who becomes the love interest has little presence, no back story and is the only weak link here. You don’t root for her or see what Baby sees in her… maybe a good looking lad like him should forget girls altogether and turn to the dark side… Originally this part was to be played by Emma Stone who bailed for Oscar glory in La La Land instead – good for her but shame for this film.

    Little Secret – Wright had this idea for years and first filmed it in a pop video for the band Mint Royale starring Noel Fielding. Noel appears in the clips at the start of the film and basically every clip on Baby’s TV as he flips through it actually details the final heist. There is so much like that for repeat viewing like all the vinyl records across the floor in the ransacked apartment are those on the film’s soundtrack and on and on the clever touches go here – this movie was not thrown together it was made with love.

    Further Viewing – Drive, Heat, Oceans 11, Snatch, Inside Man, Reservoir Dogs, The Italian Job, Usual Suspects and the greatest heist film of all time The Town.

    Any Good – This is simply f*cking great. Very funny, truly thrilling with more twists than a twisty turny thing and as entertaining as a pub lock-in with Graham Norton, Peter Kay and Lily Savage. In the midst of a sea of summer numbered sequels, this entertaining two hours in your local fleapit is a wholly fresh screenplay turned hip-as-hell movie.

    Rating – 91% out of 100.

     

    Order Baby Driver from Amazon | iTunes

     

  • FILM REVIEW | Baywatch, The Movie

    BAYWATCH – The ultimate Millenial Movie. The early 90’s TV phenomenon & biggest show in the World gets a big screen star-studded outing in a pretty rude, very sunny action adventure, fun fest – bring your own suntan lotion.

    Nutshell – Dwayne The Rock Johnson is the superstar lifeguard who has to put up with a cocky new recruit fallen Olympic swimming medalist whilst trying to solve a drug ring threatening to take over his beach. There is lots of male and female flesh on show, plenty of action beats, adult humour and stonking music plus appearances from all the TV show stars. It’s great time wasting fun no more no less.

    Running Time – 116 minutes; Certificate – 15.

    Tagline – ‘Don’t Worry Summer Is Coming’… fans will get it.

    THEGAYUK Factor – REALLY – we mean REALLY???, two of the hottest men on planet earth topless for two hours and backed up by some of the hottest studs in minor roles. The highlight should be a very sweaty Abs and muscle packed strength competition between Dwayne and Zac but actually, we had more trouble getting by Zac’s gorgeous blue eyes – oh they are so deep and blue!

    Cast – Dwayne The Rock Johnson, Zac Efron, Bollywood megastar Priyanka Chopra with added David Hasselhoff and Pamela Anderson of course.

    Key Player – This is The Rocks movie and although it is only partly successful it would really flounder without him. As always he can handle the comedy, action and acting with equal ease and boy is he easy on the eye for those into muscle and wait until you see the huge bulge in his trunks here !!!!

    Budget – $69 Million. It opened disappointedly on $18m but then jumped to $43m – It will clearly make a nice profit but maybe not the cash bonanza hoped for like the similar 21 Jump Street series.

    Best Bit – 0.35 mins; After the muscle-bound face off referred to above we instantly get a quad bike beach chase which is pretty thrilling with a great 360 degree shot it makes you think this movie will be superb….it’s not.

    Worst Bit – 0.42 mins; Anytime when the baddie on screen is a low point – she is about as threatening as Jeremy Corbyn with a nuclear button – we need less of her and more of The Rock.

    Little Secret – The Rock is the tenth professional wrestler to act in Baywatch as the TV series included the likes of Hulk Hogan, Shawn Michaels and Randy Savage. Pamela Anderson really did not want to appear in the film and only agreed to a non-speaking part. All the abusive boy band names Johnson’s character calls Efron’s throughout were given to him by Zac himself including calling him ‘High School Musical’ the film that made Efron famous.

    Further Viewing – Baywatch TV series all 220 episodes between 1989 – 2001, 21 and 22 Jump Street, Snatched, Dragnet, Dukes Of Hazzard, Starsky & Hutch and CHIPS but the last one at your own risk.

    Any Good – The ultimate OK movie – nothing wrong with it but nothing spectacular either, one thing is for certain this should have been better. The characterisation is great and you root for the whole life-saving team so credits for the casting, but why is the baddie so camp like a Joan Collins, Dynasty pastiche. You wont want your money back but you wont be talking about it later either. Disappointing

    Rating – 46% out of 100.

  • FILM REVIEW | Wonder Woman

    ★★★★ | Wonder Woman


    First seen in 2016’s Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice (as well as on television in the 1970’s), in Wonder Woman we finally have our first real female action hero. The film, appropriately titled Wonder Woman, is out now and it’s good, very good!

    It’s two hours and 21 minutes of action, drama, and adventure as Gail Gadot plays Wonder Woman, a demi-god created by Zeus and raised by Hippolyta (Connie Nielsen) who fights evil with her special powers (including her bracelets). Wonder Woman is the continuation of the character created in Dawn of Justice – who in the civilian world was known as Diana Prince. She lives in the land of Amazonia where it’s women-only and where she is Princess Diana of Themyscira. In this film, she is accompanied all the way through with Chris Pine as Steve Trevor. He is a WWI United States Army Air Service fighter pilot who crashes off the coast of Themyscira, where Wonder Woman grew up and was taught to fight by her fellow Amazonians. She ends up going with Trevor to find Ares, the god of War, in the hopes that killing him will stop the war. But it’s the evil Doctor Isabel Maru (Elena Anaya) who has created a deathly chemical that will ensure quick death to those who are exposed to it, so Wonder Woman has several battles to fight in her quest for world peace.

    Diana and Steve’s adventure and mission takes them to London and then into Europe and to the front trenches, where Wonder Woman (an hour and 22 minutes into the film) finally sheds her clothes and lets loose in the infamous Wonder Woman outfit. And it’s spectacular fight scenes that will leave you gasping for air until the very last few scenes when Wonder Woman comes face to face with pure evil.

    Gadot is spectacular as Wonder Woman. To hell with male action heroes – there’s now a woman who can take anything that comes her way and she sure nails it. Pine makes a fine sidekick, but it’s about time it’s all about the woman. Let’s hope this character becomes a franchise – no more Superman but more Wonder Woman! Director Patty Jenkins brings a new twist and a nice feminine touch to the DC Comics Extended Universe by directing a film that’s smashingly good and is great summer movie fare. Long live Wonder Woman!

     

  • FILM REVIEW | Guardians of the Galaxy 2

    GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY 2 – The Fab 5 of the Marvel universe are back after the surprise huge success of part 1 – cue big laughs, huge action and a fantastic 70’s cheese pop hit soundtrack.

    Guardians of the galaxy review

    Nutshell – After saving the universe last time our heroes are now in huge demand as hired troubleshooters across the stars dispatching monsters to the songs of ELO. Groot is now Baby Groot and Rocket the gun-toting racoon is causing havoc left, right and centre. Starlord finds his father, but is everything as it seems? Soon all hell is breaking loose and the universe needs saving all over again. This time with even more comedy in the funniest Superhero film of all time.

    Running Time – 136 minutes; Certificate – 12A.

    Tagline – ‘Anyone Can Save The Galaxy Once’.

    THEGAYUK Factor – Don’t be late as right at the start Chris Pratt gets naked in two shower scenes which are wholly unnecessary except to satisfy his massive gay following that he is very aware of. You will greatly enjoy his buff muscular body and at this rate, we expect him to deliver full naked ass shots in next year’s Jurassic Park and we really hope he has to bend over to pick something up.

    Cast – Chris ‘Mr Muscles’ Pratt, Zoe Saldana, Dave Bautista, Kurt Russell, Sylvester Stallone and the returning voices of Vin Diesel and Bradley Cooper as Groot and Rocket respectively.

    Key Player – It’s a three-way split between whoever produced the great sing-a-long Awesome Mix Tape 2, James Gunn who directed but even more successfully wrote it and Bradley Cooper whose rodent gets all the very best lines.

    Budget – $200 Million which is a whopping sum but after its first week of worldwide release it has made $250 Million and it will make at least three maybe four times that in total – a new money making bandwagon has begun – sequel movies are going nowhere.

    Best Bit – 0.47 mins; Rocket Raccoon takes on a whole army of opponents in a forest with a bunch of ingenious traps that will get any cinema crowd whooping and hollering. When Rocket is on the screen this movie soars.

    Worst Bit – 1.35 mins; The characters here are great the story isn’t. This really hits home at the three-quarter mark when the big bad’s plan is revealed and you A) don’t understand it B. have no interest in it and C) don’t want it resolved by endless blinding CGI.

    Little Secret – They planned a cameo by David Bowie but his death vetoed that, Miley Cyrus, The Hoff and Howard The Duck do make it in. Don’t be late or you will miss Chris Pratt naked and certainly don’t leave early as there are a record-breaking five scenes during the end credits.

    Further Viewing – Guardians 1, Avengers 1 & 2, Thor 1 & 2, Fantastic Four movies if you really have to and everything in the Marvel cannon as all these films intertwine and we are heading fast towards Avengers Infinity War which is two films where the Guardians meet The Hulk, Captain America, Iron Man, Spiderman etc – The biggest movie or car crash of all time coming to megaplexes next year.

    Any Good – Wow, this is great fun, really really great fun, you will laugh, cry, dance, sing and yelp with excitement – go see it now. After last years endless blockbuster disasters, yes Ghostbusters/Independence Day/Batman V Superman and X-Men we are looking at you with Beauty and the Beast & Fast & Furious 8 and now this we could be in for a run of Billion dollar movies through 2017 via Pirates/Aliens/Star Wars/Apes/Transformers/Minions etc – we predict 2017 will be the biggest money making year in a Century of Hollywood movie making; Exciting times.

    Rating – 89% out of 100.