Tag: Penis

Read the latest news and analysis of penises. Browse THEGAYUK’s entire archive on news, advice on penises.

  • 11 times guys’ peens will just have a mind of their own

    From my teenage years through into my 30s I could depend on my cock to misbehave, at the wrong time and in the wrong place.

    11 times guys' peens will just have a mind of their own

    1. Driving. In the back seat of the family car on our way to visit relatives, and the vibration of travel would wake him. “Hey, I’m here” Always the last to get out and carrying my coat!
    2. In the bath. Up Periscope “Wanna play submarines?”
    3. In school.  Just sat in class. Failure to concentrate would result in my trouser buddy jerking me back to reality.
    4. On The Buses. On a bus going to my first job. A guy in front got up, turned and smiled at me, and I shot my load there and then. Nothing worse than a pocket full of cum and no tissue. I just knew it was going to run down my leg as my stop was next.
    5. In church.  Please God NO! I think it is the low resonance notes of the organ, and mine is an instrument up for playing accompaniment.
    6. Road workers beware! Not a high viz fetish, but I just know if he reaches for that pneumatic drill I am going to “pop a boner!”
    7. Drill and Fill. A visit to the dentist – I know so sad. The thought of a cavity needing attention and my tool was ready, to drill and fill.
    8. Cinema. I am never going to the cinema again. The sound system they have, war movies, explosions and the loud noise of battle and the pocket rocket in my pants is locked and loaded, ready to aim and fire.
    9. Baking. I make cakes manually. The electric whisk and blender are instruments of torture, designed to leave a man with a leaking willy and pants soggy. I can’t watch Masterchef, and “Ready Steady Cook” might as well be “Ready Tom to F**k!!”
    10. Motorbikes. Never going on a motorbike again. He loaned me a set of leathers, and then I got up behind him. How much more erotic can it get? Mounting a machine and straddling a man in leather. Then the engine roars, my cock just throbbed and pulsed in response. After a high-speed ride of leaning, heavy braking, and racing acceleration, we arrived at his. I am spent many times over, and he wants SEX! I had just been having it for the previous 20 minutes. I had to walk home, with a shrivelled nut sac and a gait like I was mounting a Motto Guzzi or riding an invisible Shetland pony.
    11. Washing day. In my 20s I lived in a flat and found the pleasure of the washing machine on its final rinse and spin cycle was like the world’s largest sex toy. As soon as it started, I would hop up on the work surface and indulge in a wild wank. Even now the aroma of fabric softener is like an airborne aphrodisiac to me; nasal Viagra – one whiff and I’m stiff!

     

     

    Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.

  • This guy lies about his peen size because he doesn’t like Size Queens

    So does size matter?

    To one guy, in particular, peen size does matter – his. Apparently, his size means that when he puts it in his profile he only really attracts “size queens”.
    (more…)

  • ADVICE | My penis has started to curve is this normal?

    Has your penis started to bend or curve at a strange angle? Is intercourse getting painful?

    ADVICE | My penis has started to curve is this normal?

    A small percentage of men find that their penises will start to bend or curve,  Jackie Hall, Health at Hand operations manager at AXA PPP healthcare gives us some insight into the condition known as Peyronie’s disease.

    About 5 percent of men over the age of 50 will develop a condition of the penis called Peyronie’s disease. This is a benign but potentially emotionally upsetting condition in which scar tissue develops on the shaft of the penis sometimes resulting in a penile bend noticeable with erections.

    This can lead to sexual dysfunction with in some cases the affected man avoiding a sexual relationship altogether.

    A proportion of affected men will find erections and intercourse too painful although others will simply notice a lump on the shaft of the penis or a minor painless penile bend which does not cause too much trouble.

    Unfortunately there are no really effective cures for this condition, however, we recommend visiting a GP for a more detailed assessment.

  • Are British men’s peens just average?

    Are British men’s peens just average?

    So studies have found that British willies are average. Just average guys!

    Now according to Mandatory.com average erect penis sizes have been collected and collated from 80 countries across the world and a table of length has been drawn up. Someone clearly had a very productive day in the graphics department. So where was the UK’s placement?  Well, it’s exactly average. You see that orange column – yep we’re in there. Not even in the yellow… and you can forget the green column.

    The longest average erect penises are apparently in the African country of the Democratic Republic of the Congo (7.1 inches) and the smallest are in North Korea with 3.8 inches.

    The average of the averages is 5.5 inches and that’s exactly where the UK is, beating the likes of the US (5.1 inches) and China (4.3 inches) but drawing with New Zealand, Ukraine and Canada.

    According to Mandatory.com the correct way to measure the penis is from the tip of the penis to the very bottom of the pubic bone and apparently, only 3% of the world’s men have a dick over 8 inches. You can watch David Wavey just proper instructions here.

    We can’t actually believe someone was paid to measure all those dongs…

  • 12 things these celebs have revealed about their peens

    So … ever wondered what the celebs think of their Johnsons?

    Willies come in all shapes and all sizes. Here’s what celebs have said about their own appendages – or what their significant others have said about them!

    Robbie, not small – just big thighs…

    Robbie Williams recently admitted not having the biggest willy in the world. Speaking to the Sun on Sunday he said,

    “It’s not a small c**k, I’ve got massive thighs and it’s an optical illusion’. It’s not though, it really is quite small! ”So if I had an extra inch and a half, I’d be a naturist.”

     

    Enrique Iglesias “I’m in the middle”

    In 2014 Heartthrob Enrique Iglesias revealed to Cosmo that his girlfriend is sick of hearing about his penis size. He said,

    “If I read one more thing on the internet about you having a small penis.… But she laughs it off. It’s funny. What’s the average penis size?”

    When told it was five and a half inches he said,

    “I’m in the middle.”

     

    Justin Bieber, clean AF

    He told Men’s Health recently,

    “I feel like my penis is more clean than my fingers…”

    Rightiho then.

     

    Howard Stern – Pimple Peen

    Howard Stern says he’s hung like a pimple. Enough said about that the better to be honest who compares their little Mr to a zit?

     

    Jon Hamm – not impressed by the big willy talk

    In a blog Hamm took matters into his own hands – and slammed the big P talk:

    “They’re called ‘privates’ for a reason,” he says. “I’m wearing pants, for fuck’s sake. Lay off. I mean, it’s not like I’m a fucking lead miner.

    “There are harder jobs in the world. But when people feel the freedom to create Tumblr accounts about my cock,

    I feel like that wasn’t part of the deal … But whatever. I guess it’s better than being called out for the opposite.”

     

    Joel Domett’s actually released a statement!

    His penis became very famous recently and released a statement about that Catfishing incident.

    Well, now he (sorry his penis) has written a statement about his new found fame and the perils of cyber sex.

    “The following is a statement written by Joel’s Penis before it went, with Joel, into the Jungle. His Penis wrote this as damage limitation just in case pictures of it arose in the tabloids and on the internet while Joel was in there and Penis was unable to defend itself.

    “Recently, after being a relative recluse for Joel’s entire life (with the exception of the odd drunken public appearance), after a stupid error on Joel’s part there are now pictures of me, ‘Joel’s part’ on the internet. I was quite happy being a completely unknown penis and this new found fame is frankly horrific for me and Joel, although we have both realised that it’s better to laugh about it than cry about it (Only Joel can Laugh but we can both cry…).”

    “Joel was Catfished a long time ago by somebody pretending to be someone else on the internet and was lured into Skype sex. That Skype sex session turned out to be entirely fake and has come back to bite Joel in the ass (Joel’s Ass is a good friend of mine and also features in the video). It’s a genuinely horrific thing for another human being to do, to take advantage of what is private of someone’s life and make it public for everyone to see.

    “He obviously chose to go into I’m a Celebrity Get me out of Here and people may argue that you are forfeiting a life of privacy with that choice, which he agrees with to a degree but there is a line. A cruelly obtained video of Joel ‘jerking off’ (you may prefer other terms such as ‘jerking the chain’, ‘strangling the monkey’, ‘washing the carrot’, ‘humiliating the unicorn’ or worst of all ‘masterbating’) in a beanie (seriously who wears a beanie when they ‘polish the bath taps’?! I’m supposed to be the only one who wears a hat during sex. He is a hideous human being and I’m embarrassed to be attached to him.) which he thought was private is crossing that line.

    “This is a new type of crime and it’s not just happening to people of below average levels of fame like Joel. Below is a link to an interesting article from the BBC about the problem and the number for the Samaritans which is a good place to start to sort it out if it has happened to you.

     

    Ashton Kutcher “Size doesn’t matter…”

    Ashton Kutcher’s ex-girlfriend the late Brittany Murphy spoke to David Letterman about his and Demi Moore’s marriage she said, “I suppose the crux of their relationship means to him that age doesn’t matter and to her size doesn’t matter.”

    She did following it up with a bunch of “kiddings”… but there’s always truth in a joke… isn’t there?

     

    Tom Arnold not going to be penis shamed…

    Tom Arnold, formerly married to Roseanne Barr was penis shamed by her after their divorce.

    She revealed that he had a small pecker…  He sniped back,

    “What’s small? Hell, even a 747 looks small if it lands in the Grand Canyon.”

    We call that one all.

     

    Jimmy Kimmel makes comparisons

    Talk show host says that he compares his to other and even once said, that the vein in Tommy Lee’s penis was big than his whole dick!

     

    Shia LeBeouf oversharing

    Shia LaBeouf over shared in an interview with Playboy in 2009.

    He spoke about the time he lost his V card – and tried to put a pillow under the girl.

    It put her at an awkward angle and his Johnson wouldn’t go in. He went on to say, “I’m not extremely well-endowed and clearly this wasn’t the move”

     

    Robert Pattinson’s implant!

    Would it shock you to know that Robert Patterson used a penis implant? For his film Little Ashes, Rob said in an interview “I used a penis implant”

  • Man dies on operating table whilst undergoing enlargement surgery

    A man has died after suffering complications during a routine penis enlargement surgery.

    An otherwise healthy 30-year-old man has died after complications during an operation to enlarge the length and girth of his penis. Despite the regularity at which this type of operation is now done, the medical team ran into issues half way through the procedure, the Journal of Forensic Sciences reported.

    This is the first time anyone has died in a penile enlargement surgery. There are around 8400 surgeries of this kind undertaken every year.

    The surgeons were on to the girth section of the surgery, where the patient’s own fat cells are injected into the penis. Around 2 ounces of his own fat were injected when the fat leaked into his blood stream.

    The patient then suffered a lung embolism which led to him having a cardiac arrest. Despite CPR efforts from the doctors, they were unable to save him. The man died after two hours.

    “This is the first described case where a seemingly simple and safe procedure of penis enlargement by autologous fat transfer caused sudden death in a healthy young man,

    “Perhaps the risk of fat embolization is higher when pretraumatized tissue is subjected to fat injection, like in this case, where a penis elongation by loosening of a penile ligament was performed before the fat injection.”

     

     

     

  • There’s a sex practice that’s becoming popular with men – and its dangerous

    If you don’t want to cause permanent damage to your penis you might want to read on.

    If you’ve never heard of sounding – basically it where you stick a metal or glass rod down the opening of the penis into the urethra. However, doctors have warned that the practice of sounding could cause irreparable damage to the penis.

    Doctors at International Andrology, a central London clinic focusing exclusively on male urogenital health have seen a dramatic increase in the number of men presenting with urethral issues and infections in line with the rise in this sexual practice.

    The urethra sometimes referred to as the water-pipe, is the tube running along the penis, through which urine and sperm pass. A stricture, described as ‘a kink in a hose’, develops when the urethra is damaged leading to severe urination problems, pain and recurrent infections. It’s a dilapidating condition, that usually requires surgical intervention.

    Incontinence issues and reduced bladder control

    “Sounding” can also lead to incontinence since loosening or damaging of the urethra can result in reduced bladder control.

    “Urethral strictures are more common in older men, especially after the insertion of a catheter following prostate surgery, however, we have been seeing an increased number of younger patients suffering from strictures, which we attribute to the popularity of practices like sounding,” Mr Giulio Garaffa, a surgeon at International Andrology London comments.

    “Men should be really careful with such practices – only a few urologists have experience treating urethral strictures and in some cases, multiple operations might be required to fix the problem,” Mr Garaffa warns.

    Men interested in this activity should first understand the issues with introducing objects into the urethral and embrace clean practices such as cleaning items regularly and using lubrications specially designed for sensitive areas.

  • Here’s what a stinging sensation when you go to the toilet could mean

    If you’ve ever experienced a stinging sensation down below whenever you’ve urinated, you’ll know it really isn’t a great feeling and it can be a worry too. So what could it be?

    stinging sensation when you go to the toilet meaning

     

    It could be a sexually transmitted infection, after all, there was so many of them floating about. Medical Director at Pharmacy 2U Dr Nitin Shori told us, “statistics from NHS England show that there were more than 435,000 STI diagnoses in 2015, we may have forgotten the safe sex message”.

    However, it isn’t all bad news, Nitin continues, “There are different types of STIs and some, if caught early, are easy to treat with antibiotics. Chlamydia is the most common STI in England and can be treated with antibiotics.

    What are the infections that cause stinging whilst peeing?

    So according to webmd.com stinging whilst you urinate could be caused by: genital herpes, chlamydia and gonorrhoea. But stinging could also be a symptom of other problems such as kidney stones, diabetes, having an enlarged prostate, or a Urinary Tract Infection UTI – which is caused by bacteria in the urinary tract.

    Cystitis can also cause pain during urination although women are more likely to be affected by this than men. It’s caused by inflammation of the bladder caused by a bladder infection. Those infections are caused by certain bacteria – like those found in your poo.

    What should I do if it burns when I pee?

    The best thing to do is make an appointment where you can be tested for STIs. This can be done at a sexual health clinic, genitourinary medicine (GUM) clinic or GP surgery. Some people prefer the privacy of buying a

    Some people prefer the privacy of buying a reliable testing kit online from a reputable supplier, such as Pharmacy2U.co.uk.

  • MTV TV star goes full front and it’s rather glorious

    A new trailer for MTV’s Ex On The Beach has landed and it’s well rather peenalicious.

    Marty McKenna got full frontal in the latest clip from MTV…

    SEE PICTURES HERE

    See the clip here... the full helicoptering is at around 2.05… enjoy. (more…)

  • Joe Jonas Bulge is getting people hot AF

    Joe Jonas has uploaded a clip which is getting his fans quite flustered.

    We’re advocating that Joe Jonas’s trouser bulge should get its own hashtag or Twitter account – or bank holiday. Something. The clip shows, Joe and his DNCE bandmates, Jack Lawless and Cole Whittle have a boogie on a tennis court.

    The band have released once album, which reached number 48 in the UK. Their lead single, Cake By The Ocean was very successful in the UK, reaching a peak of number 4 and going Platinum in 2015.

  • Charity urges teenagers to send naked mole rat pictures instead of nudes

    A charity has urged teenage boys to send pictures of naked mole rats instead of their genitals in a bid to prevent criminals obtaining pictures for blackmail purposes

    The Canadian Centre for Child Protection (CCCP) has asked teenage boys not to send pictures of their penises but instead to send pictures of the naked mole rat to prevent cyber criminals from obtaining illicit pictures which they can use to extort and blackmail.

    Executive director Lianna McDonald said,

    “Awareness is critical because you can’t avoid a threat you don’t know about,

    “Sextortion is based on deceiving youth and obtaining sexual images – we need to drive home the Don’t Get Sextorted message that teens don’t send one.

    “We must break down the communication barriers around embarrassing topics for teenagers. Our campaign gives teens, parents and educators an easy ‘way-in’ to a tough conversation.”

    According to the charity, there has been an 89 percent increase in the last two years in sextortion of teenage boys.

    The charity has made downloadable images and memes of the mole rat available, which they have encouraged people to send.