THEGAYUK

Tag: Three Star Film Review

The latest three-star film review from THEGAYUK.

  • FILM REVIEW | Fahrenheit 11/9

    ★★★ |Fahrenheit 11/9

    There’s a lot to take away from Michael Moore’s brand new documentary Fahrenheit 11/9 from the Flint Water Crisis, school gun violence the rise of Trump and how maybe the democrats aren’t as people-friendly as you might hope.

    It’s the day after watching Fahrenheit 11/9 and my mind is still whirling. Michael asks (of Trump’s presidency) at the beginning of the film, “How the fuck did we get here?” and it’s a question many are asking.

    But Moore’s troubling documentary takes us through history lessons and finds a way to link a number of big button issues and it doesn’t quite work, but you’ll be left with an uneasy feeling in the pit of your stomach.

    In the two hour and a bit film, Moore manages to squeeze in the water crisis in Flint Michigan, the Parkland School shooting, the Bernie Sander’s vote scandal, the teachers’ strike, President Obama’s undermining of US citizens, Bill Clinton’s republicifcation, The New York Times‘ political bubble and of course, the rise and rise of Donald Trump.

    It’s pretty full-on and you may be left with a sense of foreboding for the future of civilisation, but Moore doesn’t disappoint with the breadth of research undertaken for this documentary.

    Available to stream on Netflix.

  • FILM REVIEW | Captain Marvel

    FILM REVIEW | Captain Marvel

    CAPTAIN MARVEL – Marvel studio’s biggest female hero makes her debut having to battle some shape-shifting aliens setting up the truly massive Avengers Endgame next month.

    Nutshell – Carol Danvers (Brie Larson) arrives on earth and needs to start piecing together her past to work out what aliens are running amok for and why she has become one of the most powerful superheroes in the universe. Set in the mid-nineties with a young looking Nick Fury & Agent Coulson this has a lot of fun playing prequel elements to the other 20 blockbuster superhero films in the Marvel cannon of the last decade.

    Running Time – 124 Minutes – Cert PG-12A.

    Tagline – ‘Higher, Further, Faster’ Or ‘Everything Starts With a Her(o)’

    THEGAYUK Factor – Possibly the least sexy superhero film ever with hardly any fit men anywhere not even amongst the usual bad guy’s Henchmen as they are all covered in monster latex make-up. Jude Law playing the Captain’s senior officer at the outset is your one hope but he is hardly a gay icon and far too clean cut…..the sort of prissy looking guy that would put on a condom before you gave him a blow job

    Cast – Brie Larson takes the lead here and she is great in the role. She is supported by Samuel L Jackson, Jude Law, Ben Mendelsohn, a welcome return for Annette Benning and this is the very last cameo appearance shot by the recently deceased Marvel God Stan Lee (Not the last to be released as we have two more of them shot for Avengers & Superman films made earlier).

    Key Player – There is a wonderful cat which Fury adopts called Goose which steals every scene and most of the movie. It has one or two surprises too, most of all with Marvel there is always scenes in the end credits and sit right to the end for Goose to have the all-important last word.

    Budget – $82 Million but it made back £153 Million in its first weekend which just shows the continued domination of superheroes at our multiplexes and the wisdom of Disney buying up Marvel a few years back – purely and simply these are pure 100% guaranteed cash cows.

    Best Bit – 0.28 mins; A great fight on and around an urban train with an accompanying car chase in a nineties action movie style is very thrilling. The fact that the enemy in a sneaky way keeps changing shape into different people makes it a very clever little scene.

    Worst Bit – 0.05 mins; The opening 10 minutes on two random planets is very confusing and simply rushed and is about as interesting as a bad episode of Star Trek or trying to get a hard-on with a fit guy after drinking a bottle of vodka. It gets into its groove when the characters eventually get to earth.

    Little Secret – Brie Larson is allergic to cats which she did not mention to the producers at the outset. Captain Marvel’s sidekick turns out to be a cat called Goose which then had to be played in Brie’s scenes by a puppet. Four real cats do all the other scenes in the movie. The first Marvel female superhero film was released on International Women’s Day and the soundtrack is almost entirely female orientated with the likes of Desree, TLC, No Doubt, Garbage and Salt N Pepa.

    Further Viewing – All previous twenty entries in the Marvel universe catalogue, Wonder Woman, The Justice League, All Batmans & Spidermans etc. Basically any movie where the hero is in tight latex or otherwise any of the hundreds of great gay superhero porno’s try Man.com pastiches or Eye Of The Cyclone.

    Any Good – A great lead performance backed by Mr reliable Samuel L. carries this nicely. Your life will not be diminished greatly if you don’t see it but if you do it is perfectly adequate entertainment (after the crap first 10 minutes). It is no Captain America or Deadpool unfortunately but also it is much better than say recent Superman films or… shudder…all Fantastic Four movies. Basically, in a word it is fine no more no less could benefit from some sexy studs though.

    Rating: 59/100

     

  • FILM REVIEW | Green Book

    FILM REVIEW | Green Book

    ★★★ | Green Book

    film review for Green Book
    (C) Universal

    To be gay in America in the early 1960s was not easy. But to also be black, and discriminated against on every level, was an entirely different thing, no matter how famous you were.

    Jazz pianist Don Shirley (Mahershala Ali) takes a Green Book with him when goes on a music tour of America’s south. It was a guidebook specifically printed for African-American motorists travelling in America’s south with recommendations on places to stay and eat where they won’t get discriminated against. Shirley (Mahershala Ali) hires racist (and bigoted) Italian Frank ‘Tony Lip’ Vallelonga (an excellent Viggo Mortensen) to be his driver on the two-month concert tour. The nightclub where Frank worked had shut down so he was in need of a job, perhaps any job, to support his loving wife and two young sons. So Frank packs away his racist views and becomes a sort of ‘Driving Mr Daisy.’

    Of course, nothing goes smoothly during the tour, especially when Shirley misbehaves with another man at a YMCA, with Frank left to pick up the pieces, and realizing then that this is why Shirley’s marriage to a woman never worked out. And Frank also introduces Shirley to the simple pleasures of life that he is missing, including eating fried chicken with his hand (something evidently that, hard to believe, Shirley never did). And after two hours we can see where this film is literally taking us, and what will happen between these two men during the trip.

    Green Book is a true story, and directed by a subdued Peter Farrelly (There’s Something About Mary, Dumb and Dumber) it’s as slow as molasses on a hot day – but Mortensen lightens up the screen in every scene he is in  – he’s fantastic and is the take away of this film. Ali, while good, seems a bit stiff throughout, and I don’t understand why he is winning all the awards (Richard E. Grant is so much better in Can You Ever Forgive Me.) Nevertheless, Green Book is a good study in race relations in America at that time when JFK was President and Marilyn Monroe was the star of the moment.

  • FILM REVIEW | Postcards from London

    FILM REVIEW | Postcards from London

    ★★★☆☆| Postcards from London

    A young handsome man from Essex travels to the Big Smoke and encounters unusual situations in the new film Postcards from London.

    Harris Dickinson, who was so sexy and memorable in last year’s critically-acclaimed film Beach Rats, is again sexy in this new role, a role where he again plays a gay character.

    Dickinson is Jim who winds up in, of all places Soho, where he falls into a crowd of male escorts, but these are not the typical kind of escorts one would encounter in any big city – these escorts are of an artistic bend. They, strangely, have a thing for the paintings of Caravaggio – paintings that are all so homoerotic and sexy. And Jim becomes, for one of his paying clients, a character right out of one of Caravaggio’s paintings. But It’s a premise that’s very unusual, including the fact that Jim seems to have some sort of hallucination of planting himself in the paintings, it’s a premise that just doesn’t work.

    A film called Postcards from London should show part of London, especially Soho and all its nooks and crannies.

    But Postcards from London was shot on a soundstage, so there’s actually very very little (just in the beginning) shots of the city it’s named after. And while most of the other actors are good, and while Dickinson does his utmost best to try to keep a straight face, I guess the only reason to watch this film is because most of the actors are scantily clad most of the time.

    Postcards from London is available to pre-order now.

  • FILM REVIEW | Skyscraper

    ★★★☆☆

    | SKYSCRAPER

    The world’s highest paid movie actor in history Dwayne Johnson in a Diehard type update in the world highest building makes sense right? Twice the height of the Burj Khalifa in Dubai to make Tom Cruise’s Mission Impossible building clinging exploits look like that of a pussy, nothing is small here.

    Nutshell – The big man is doing an insurance appraisal on ‘The Pearl’ a new mega-structure which is about to open. Cue a terrorist-induced fire halfway up the skyscraper, The Rock’s family trapped and in ever increasing jeopardy and a heist plot means the muscle mountain has to rip his shirt off and attempt one death-defying stunt after another to save the day or die trying.

    Running Time – 104 Minutes – Cert 12A and thereby we have the film’s biggest problem it is just too short and rushed – many kid’s cartoons are longer than this.

    Tagline – ‘Don’t Look Down’ & ‘The Sky Is The Limit’ – yes not a lot of thought has gone into this one.

    TheGayUK Factor – Dwayne is his usual hot as fuck self and then halfway through he gets a minor injury and the shirt comes off and the muscles and extensive tattoos come out and screw us, it is hot. The 6’4″ superstud has never looked better all those skinless chicken suppers and gym sweat is paying off but then it is back to the plot and the sweat just keeps coming at ya.

    Cast – Dwayne Johnson, Neve Campbell in her best role since her Scream franchise ended, Noah Taylor and Orange is the New Black’s ‘porntache man’ Pablo Schreiber.

    Key Player – Let’s not kid anyone this movie would not exist, be financed, reviewed, watched and enjoyed if it was not for Dwayne’s presence and him saying “yes” to it. The man could get a full-length movie about Theresa May’s sex life, a comedy starring Andy Murray, a gay version of Beaches or an epic entitled Brexit The Movie greenlit. He has single-handedly rescued four massive franchises with The Mummy, Fast & Furious, Journey 2 & GI Joe this is unlikely to be the next.

    Budget – $125 Million but will probably only make a minor profit which is disappointing following Johnson’s huge scoring 2017 with Fast & Furious 8, Moana and Jumanji but maybe forget Baywatch and this year’s earlier giant monkey movie Rampage. At least you have to give him the hardest working man in Hollywood title.

    Best Bit – 0.46 mins; Where the Mrs’ and kids are in the proverbial shit as a bridge across the park halfway up the tower collapses. It is a very well done tense scene we just need a lot more of this kind of peril across the other 90 minutes.

    Worst Bit – 0.21 mins; The villain here is just not evil enough and seems just off the shelf. His motive even less engaging and he also doesn’t have a decent sidekick with some super fighting skills or personal defect, so we get knock-off average goons we don’t care about.

    Little Secret – One of the lead collaborators on the movie is the Architect Adrian Smith who worked on the current tallest building the Burj Khalifa and is now working on the one to surpass it, the Jeddah Tower in Saudi Arabia. The fictional tower in the movie was moved to Hong Kong to take advantage of the now massive South-East Asian film market who love Dwayne’s movies. Dwayne Johnson was a hugely successful football star before a back injury made him switch to wrestling. He went back to wrestling after the Mummy Returns and Scorpion King movies as he thought he would not be a success as an actor. He is now the highest paid one of all time.

    Further Viewing – Diehard’s 1-4 which this movie would simply love to be & isn’t, Towering Inferno, San Andreas, Central Intelligence, Mission Impossible Ghost Protocol, Gremlins 2, Entrapment or any Airport, Earthquake, Poseidon disaster flick of the 70’s.

    Any Good – This is a classic high single concept movie. The action is non stop but Dwayne does not get much of a chance to raise an eyebrow, crack a joke or do all the things we love from the guy. He is always engaging and tries hard but has little support and everything is so rushed resulting in the short running time. If there was only room for many of the scenes to breath and create more tension this would be so much better and raise it above standard 3-star territory which it could so easily have been. It is perfectly serviceable until Dwayne brings us Suicide Squad 2, San Andreas 2, Jumanji 3, Big Trouble In Little China and of course his much anticipated Fast & Furious spin-off with another of our great gay jerk off fantasies Jason Statham. The ultimate cockfight is coming in 2019.

    Rating: 49/100

  • FILM REVIEW | Ideal Home

    ★★★ | Ideal Home

    Not quite the best name for a film about a gay couple who get stuck with raising a boy, ‘Ideal Home’ has its moments but they’re far and few between.

    Paul Rudd and Steve Coogan (at his campiest best) play, respectively, Paul and Erasmus Brumble (what a name!), a gay couple who have been together long enough, perhaps too long, to be set in their argumentative ways. Brumble is a flamboyant TV chef and Paul is his producing partner, and they live in the stunningly beautiful town of Santa Fe, New Mexico. They run their empire from their adobe house that has views to die for of the landscape which includes turquoise sunsets and rolling luscious mountains. They seem to have it all, but yet there also seems to be something missing in their lives.

    Enter Bill (Jack Gore), Erasmus’s estranged grandson, who unexpectedly shows up at their front door after his father Beau (Jake McDonald) gets arrested. Will the arrival of Bill make their relationship stronger? Will Paul and Erasmus be able to continue to live their A-gay lifestyle? More importantly, will Bill put a dent in their lavish dinner party schedule and sexual trysts?

    Ideal Home is a standard run-of-the-mill gay rom-com with not much com. It’s boosted by the beautiful setting as well as Rudd’s believability as a gay man (with a macho beard and buff body) as well as Gore who is very good as the kid who has nowhere else to go. Coogan is way over the top – I don’t think I know any gay man who is like his character – but if you want a 90-minute film that’s a bit fun and not too preachy or over-reaching, then this film is for you. But damn does Santa Fe look like an amazing town, and if anything, this film is an excellent tourist ad for this town located in America’s beautiful Southwest

    Now open in the UK

  • FILM REVIEW | Solo: A Star Wars Story

    SOLO: A STAR WARS STORY – The second standalone film loosely around the edges of the ongoing 8-movie main space saga. This time we get Han Solo’s origin story, how he met Chewbacca and got his hands on that famous spaceship.

    Nutshell – A young Han Solo is a street criminal who gets involved with a major heist which goes wrong leading into some dramatic twists and some even greater high adventure across many planets as he meets Lando Calrissian, Chewie, the Millennium Falcon & others in a boys own tale way before the rebellion and all we know in the Star War’s universe, so why is it the poorest yet?

    Running Time – 135inutes – Cert 12A.

    Tagline – ‘Never Tell Him The Odds’.

    The Gay UK Factor – The relatively unknown Alden Ehrenreich best known for a minor part in the Coen Brothers’ Hail Caeser takes over the Han Solo role made famous by Harrison Ford in an interpretation rather than an impression of the great man. He is a good looking lad in a sexy ‘Years & Years’ type bend over and suck chavvy way but he is much better to look at and fantasize over than watch as his acting is boring and he wrecks what should have been a great Indiana Jones in space type yarn, but he does look fit and fuckable throughout.

    Cast – Alden (Mr Wooden) Ehrenreich, Emilia (Game Of Thrones) Clarke, Danny Glover, Thandie Newton, Paul Bettany and that Natural Born Killer Woody Harrelson fresh off his superb third Oscar nom for the incredible Three Billboards.

    Key Player – Ron Howard formally of the Happy Days TV show is a great director especially with cerebral fodder like Apollo 13 & the Da Vinci Code series but he is not good at action as we see with the likes of Willow, Backdraft and InThe Heart Of the Sea. Therefore why he was picked for this and accepted we will never know. He tries his best but this was never going to be more than a three-star movie and worse, the writing and casting departments are even bigger fuck up merchants here.

    Budget – $300 Million which is a hefty price tag. It will be the first Star Wars in history to lose money in North America and this franchise does not travel as well as say the Fast & Furious/Transformers & Superhero films do. Therefore a disappointment all around and lessons need to be learnt.

    Best Bit – 0.43 mins; The first heist which is the much-telegraphed roller coaster type train sequence as seen on the posters and trailers works well. It’s exciting and you have no idea what is going to happen next – There is a world war 2 feel to it a bit but the Expendables did this sort of thing a lot better.

    Worst Bit – 1.46 mins; After the final big action sequence we get a prolonged confusing twist heavy epilogue over who has been screwing over who but frankly you won’t care. It is a real bugger’s muddle (whatever that is – probably one of our editor’s sex parties); there is one saving grace by the sudden unexpected appearance of an unadvertised much-loved character from the earlier films but soon you are back to the sodden screwy dialogue like the Handmaid’s Tail with dicks.

    Little Secret – We finally get to find out what Chewbacca’s age is – he is 190 yo which means he is 200 for a New Hope and then through all the other Star Wars films he ages to 234 yo in the Last Jedi so now we have an accurate timeline to the saga. Ron Howard was brought on to direct after the original duo of Lord and Miller had been dismissed for ‘Creative Differences’ i.e. the film was not working. It is estimated that Howard shot 80% of the final film but which scenes no-one is letting on, this film was problematic throughout like a straight guy giving his first blowjob.

    Further Viewing – Star Wars 1 through 9 obviously, Indiana Jones 1 to 4, Romancing The Stone, Von Ryan’s Express, Battlestar Galactica, Thor Ragnarok and anything heisty like say Ocean’s 11 or The Inside Man.

    Any Good – This is a three-star movie and there is nothing bad about it or particularly good either. The problem is that is just not good enough for a Star Wars film. It will be the least financially successful and the poorest reviewed of the saga and it will disappoint fans Worldwide. So what went wrong – to soon after the last one (just 5 months from The Last Jedi), poor casting, wrong director, confused ending probably tied by potential & now unwanted sequels and the existing story arcs of the characters in the original films and on top of that an appalling release schedule squashed between the superior Deadpool 2, Avengers Infinity War and Jurassic World hits. A flop all around that could have been avoided like trying to give your partner the shag of his life after 8 pints….points for effort but overall unsatisfactory and your glad when the floppy thing has run its course.

    43/100

  • FILM REVIEW | Rampage

    RAMPAGE – An outer space Scientific accident and the world is faced by giant marauding animals and the only thing that can save mankind is 6.6″ of man-muscle in the shape of the king of bulges Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson.

    Nutshell – Three animals get hit by a dangerous pathogen from an exploding space station, one of which is The Rock’s best mate, a giant albino gorilla. They get to be real big and nasty and set out to destroy Chicago and beyond but can Dwayne and his female sidekick save the day, get his monkey mate back from the darkside and beat the human conspiracy behind it all? Be warned you may need a hanky before the end and not for wanking over the big man’s incredible sleeveless biceps.

    Running Time – 107 minutes – 12A

    Tagline – ‘Big Meets Bigger’. Our favourite hot-as-fuck man-ape meets real bare bottomed monkeys.

    The Gay UK Factor – Dwayne Johnson is one of the hottest men on the planet and if you are into muscles there is no-one bigger and better. He is now the highest paid actor on earth and just coming off of two monster hit films in Fast & Furious 8 and Jumanji so he is hot in every single meaning of the word. He knows how to please his gay following spending huge amounts of time in shirtless/armless tops and tight ass trousers. After his Diehard movie Skyscraper and Suicide Squad 2 we will get the most anticipated gay movie of all time… no not Mamma Mia 2 but The Rocl buddying up with The Stath (Jason Statham) in Hobbs and Shaw the ultimate bald-headed, muscle off, all action, all fighting gay fantasy and yes there is shirtless sweating scenes a plenty.

    Cast – Dwayne Johnson, Miss Moneypenny herself Naomie Harris, Negan himself from The Walking Dead Jeffrey Dean Morgan plus a bunch of very sexy bad guys and thugs who get taken out all too soon by one of the killer animals as far as we are concerned.

    Key Player – This is a one-man show so it is Dwayne’s film but he is equalled paw for fist by the CGI gorilla George who will steal your heart and you will believe he is truly real. If you love animals you will be happy likewise if you like masculine male muscle you will be too.

    Budget – $120 Million and it looks like it will make that back in the USA but any film with The Rock in is a goldmine internationally so it’s at $180 Million Worldwide in the first six days and about to be released in the Far East where they eat this monster movie stuff up and can’t stand things like Star Wars.

    Best Bit – 0.95 mins; The ending is great but that would mean spoilers so let’s go with the very funny second scene of the movie in the gorilla enclosure which sets the entertainment tone perfectly for the film after the silly giant rat opener.

    Worst Bit – 0.15 mins; The brother and sister baddies would fit better in a rubbish camp batman sixties TV episode and they are as about as threatening as a two-inch cock in a dark room.

    Little Secret – This looks like the first truly successful video game movie transition ever especially after the recent tipped but flopping Tomb Raider continued that jinx. Yes, this was originally a computer game. This is so unlike the games in many ways which is maybe why it is working most notably in the computer version the giant Gorilla, Wolf, Crocodile etc are originally humans whereas here they are just mutated or enlarged versions of the animal which makes a lot more sense.

    Further Viewing – Godzilla’s 1 and 2, Jurassic Parks 1 through 5, Mimic, Eight Legged Freaks, Them, Razorback, Lake Placid and either the original or latest Kink Kong’s but not the 1976 Jeff Bridges version for the sake of your own sanity.

    Any Good – There is a word you only ever see in movie reviews and that is Hokum. This film is the definition of Hokum as it is total utter nonsense but done with such passion, love and humour that you will forgive it anything. The action is superb and there is plenty of it along the lines of some epic building shattering Superhero or Transformers film but with some female appeal here. Dwayne’s continual successful good run continues and he is still the king of action, international cinema appeal and 50% of gay men’s vinegar strokes jerking fantasy…

    Rating – 57% out of 100.

  • FILM REVIEW | The Justice League

    THE JUSTICE LEAGUE – The biggest superheroes in the DC Universe come together Avengers Assemble style as earth is under a massive alien threat yet again and the Marvel lads are all on their hols but can Batman, Wonder Woman, Aquaman, The Flash & Cyborg be able to work together and are they in time…

    FILM REVIEW | The Justice League

    Spoiler alert the answer is No!

    Nutshell – After the death of Batman in the previous film, sacrificing himself saving humankind, Batman is inspired to recruit a reluctant team of superpowered latex clad buddies to deal with an unprecedented outer space threat. The Justice League is formed and after the destruction of Wonder Woman’s island paradise and Aquaman’s submerged home the global chase for three all-powerful MacGuffins is on, watch out for the big surprise guest appearance.

    Running Time – 120 minutes; Certificate – 12A.

    Tagline – ‘Justice For All – You Can’t Save The World Alone’

    THEGAYUK Factor – OMG it’s full of great looking guys in hot fetish gear. Led by the fittest guy ever from Game Of Thrones Jason Momoa who is a new gay icon – for us muscle lovers – as Aquaman and his outfit is stunning and boy does it show his ass off along before the many times he strips down to swim. We cannot wait for his stand-alone movie which will be two straight hours of pure Grade A handy shandy material. Add the bulging spandex crutches of Ben Affleck, Henry Cavill, Ezra Miller and Ciaran Hinds and you get one horny film with the bonus of the new queen of camp Gal Gadot and her ring of truth which only makes us think of Momoa’s ass once again.

    Cast – Affleck, Gadot, Momoa, Cavill lead the league but we also get Jeremy Irons, Diane Lane, Connie Nielsen, JK Simmons and Amy Adams playing the least sexy Lois Lane – ever – for your ticket price plus another huge star at the end of the final credits.

    Key Player – The saviour of the DC universe Wonder Woman holds all the attention here and always draws your eye line from the sleep-inducing Affleck’s Batman, he is about as entertaining as finding sand on your favourite dildo. She saved the Bat Vs Supe’s film with just 3 scenes, her own film is the second biggest moneymaker of the year and she is top dog in the League by far.

    We have no idea why we loved this film so much… oh so much…

    Budget – An absolutely massive $300 Million which is less than many countries earn in a year – its a cliché but most of it is on the screen with very big production scenes maybe more should have been spent on the script though, which brings a whole new meaning to the word formulaic.

    Best Bit – 0.21 mins; When Aquaman strips off for the first time showing his many tatt’s and boy does he take his time otherwise the battle and chase of Wonder Woman’s Amazonian tribe on horseback is by far the best action beat.

    Worst Bit – 0.19 mins and 0.34 mins and 0.48 mins…..; Basically every time the Flash comes on the screen, he is weak, his scenes are weak and he is less Premier League and more like Southern Conference League up against everyone else here and anyway Superman is faster so whats the point of him? He probably suffers from premature ejaculation too.

    Little Secret – Already there is a hugely successful big budget gay porn version out of this Justice League from Men.com where Batman rodders Superman, Cyborg gives a good going over on the The Flash, Wonder Woman is played by a drag queen and Aquaman humps every guy in the film repeatedly… sign me up. It is already controversial for adding other characters like The Green Lantern everyone’s least favourite superhero (Thanks, Ryan Reynolds) and also the only black character in either the Avengers or League teams is… oh dear – played by a white porn star – racism in gay porn so what’s new?

    Further Viewing – Really!!! With over 50 films featuring the superheroes above just go to Google and type in stretched spandex over bulging crutch movies and whilst you are there just search for Marvel or DC Comics and you will have two weeks worth of identical movies to watch with everyone saving the world each and every fucking time in just under two hours.

    Any Good – This is a very expensive perfectly adequate film, you will smile, laugh, get excited and be entertained throughout, the trouble is it is just so damn generic and we have seen it all so many times before. A magical object is hidden on earth that can now destroy us all and good guys/bad guys with whatever powers they need to survive 50 rounds of unrealistic fighting and nobody ever seems to get injured or hospitalised. It’s all about as realistic as a Donald Trump promise to protect LGBT+ rights. Do stay right to the end of the credits as the last secret scene is well worth the 10-minute screen scroll wait and it gives a huge clue as to where we are all going next as if six superheroes in one film weren’t enough?

    Rating – 62 out of 100.

  • FILM REVIEW | Call Me By Your Name

    ★★★ | Call Me By Your Name

    FILM REVIEW | Call Me By Your Name

    There is a gay-themed film that has just been released that is getting rave and five-star reviews. And while it is very good,  it’s also not your typical gay relationship film.

    Call Me By Your Name tells the story about an adult who has an affair with a younger man. The adult in question is the actor Armie Hammer (who in real life happens to be 31, but looks older, and in this film he is playing a 24-year old) who is playing is Oliver. The young man in question is Elio, played by Timothée Chalamet (who happens to 21 in real life but plays a 17-year old in the film but looks a lot younger). The story, based on the 2007 book of the same name by André Aciman, is about a sexual relationship between Oliver and Elio.

    Oliver, you see, has been hired by Elio’s parents, wealthy couple the Perlmans (Michael Stuhlbarg and Amira Casar), to help Mr. Perlman with his archeological work. But what happens is that the closeted Elio (who is wooed by the local girls who vie for his attention) becomes enamoured with, and by, Oliver. Oliver, who is a man’s man, with a chest full of hair, is a very confident man who can practically have anyone he wants. He, however, enters into a relationship with Elio. It’s really hard to believe that a man of the world like Oliver could be sexually attracted to Elio. And while Elio is a good-looking young man, he’s still quite young for someone whom Oliver could fancy.  So it’s a bit inappropriate for a man like Oliver to be sexually attracted, and to sexually satisfy Elio, in various locations, including having interludes in the Perlman family home where they conveniently have adjoining rooms which allow for lots of loving glances across their rooms. Elio’s parents do realise what’s happening and turn a blind eye to the relationship and let nature take it’s course.

    Call Me By Your Name is a beautiful and lush film, directed with care by Italian director Luca Guadagnino. It lovingly highlights the Italian countryside and the small cityscapes of Lombardy; the film has beautiful camerawork and the acting by all involved is top notch. Chalamet is a real find – his Elio commands the screen. Chalamet looks very very comfortable in front of the camera, clothes on or off (there is absolutely no full frontal nudity in this film, though some of the sex scenes look all too real). Hammer is also very good in this role – a role that is not a typical role for him to play. And there is scene, which you must have heard about by now, that involves a peach. Yes, a peach, which Elio uses, and which involves Oliver, that was a bit too much for me. But it’s the scene where the credits roll up at the end of the film where you can’t leave your seat or avert your eyes – it’s these few minutes where Chamalet as Elio will mesmerize, and seduce you. So it’s at this point that you think that perhaps you can’t blame Oliver for falling for him because it’s at this point you will do the same as well.

    In selected Cinemas now

    Pre-order from Amazon | iTunes

  • FILM REVIEW | Double Date

    ★★★ | Double Date

    Two men get tricked by two very attractive women and it’s a ‘Double Date’ from hell!

    Jim (Danny Morgan) and Alex (Michael Socha) are typical 20-something men. All they want to do is drink and get laid, however, there’s one problem. Jim, fast approaching 30, is a virgin. Yes, he’s never gotten laid. He’s not all that bad. He’s nice and all, but good-looking Alex gets most of the attention and the girls. But when two women coincidentally seek out Jim by making an easy play for him, not all is what it seems. You see, these two women Lulu (Georgia Groome) and Kitty (Kelly Wenham), who happen to be sisters, are looking for a male virgin as a sacrificial lamb for their sick father (boy is he sick – and skeletal!), and Jim has stupidly posted his profile on a virgin dating site. It’s not too long before the girls lure the men into their home (a huge mansion) where they reveal their dark and sinister sides, and the boys will definitely not be getting laid on this double date!

    Double date is an amusing enough movie that doesn’t really take itself too seriously. The cast are all in good, scary and bloody form, and Morgan brings a bit of warmth and cuteness to his role (especially when he takes Kitty to his parents’ house for a brief birthday party). It’s all in good fun, and properly executed thanks to director Benjamin Barfoot. And while some of the fighting scenes forge on the unbelievable, at 90 minutes it’s not much of an investment in your time. And why yes, it’s the perfect double date movie!