THEGAYUK

Author: Jake Hook

  • COMMENT | The real backlash is against the LGBT community, not the National Trust over rainbow uniform

    Oh the trolls are out today. Can you feel them?

    The National Trust’s ill-advised policy of punishing its volunteers to backroom duties if they don’t feel comfortable wearing the rainbow symbol is incredibly damaging. Not to the National Trust but to us. The LGBT community.

    “PC Gone Mad”

    “When you have to force your ideas on people it never works out”.

    Just spend a moment in the comment section of any of the national papers who’ve run this story and you’ll see, it’s not the National Trust that’s being lambasted but the LGBT community. Sure the National Trust may have taken a hit when a couple of hundred angry people ripped up their membership cards – but the lasting damage is on us.

    This has fueled the bigots and they are out in force, bemoaning that the LGBT community is once again being recognised. There are the usual cries of “why do they have to have a pride/month/day/rainbow… etc etc. They are moaning that this policy was forcing LGBT politics down their throats.

    When you have to force your ideas on people it never works out.

    “Forcing people out of roles that they love doing isn’t going to win them over – in fact, I’ll bet that it will just further entrench their feelings”

    I truly believe that you don’t win the battle for acceptance by punishing those who don’t: get us, agree with us or just plain despise us. Forcing people out of roles that they love doing isn’t going to win them over – in fact, I’ll bet that it will just further entrench their feelings – double down on them – and for all the lookie loos reading about this story it just gives them another reason to spew their vile tirades.

    Embracing or Excluding?

    If the purpose of wearing the lanyards was to ensure that LGBT visitors felt comfortable visiting a National Trust site, it’s failed. It’s not the staff or volunteers we have to worry about its the fellow guests – if the comment sections are anything to go by.

    An NHS trust recently embarked on a similar rainbow lanyard experiment to promote a pro-LGBT environment, but it was perfect in its execution. Only those who wanted to wear it – did – and as a result, they wore it with pride – it was about letting patients know that there was a friendly face, someone they could trust. That’s what the Rainbow symbol is about.

    Not forced politics and thought policing.

    Handled right this could have been the perfect opportunity to embrace the LGBT community, instead all this has done has excluded staff – and in the process made the LGBT community the scape goat.

     

    Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.

  • REVIEW | Vista Bonita Gran Canaria

    If you’re looking for a gay stay in Gran Canaria then Vista Bonita should be on your priority list.

    Gay-only vacations aren’t for everyone. The thought of staying in a gay hotel or gay apartment might not be to everyone’s taste – it wasn’t mine until I stayed at Vista Bonita near Maspalomas in Gran Canaria – and then my opinion changed. We ended up visiting twice – in one year.

    Vista Bonita is a set of simple but perfectly formed one bedroom apartments set around an outdoor pool on the outskirts of Maspalomas and around a 2-mile walk or 10-minute cab ride to the gay epicentre of Yumbo.

    Gran Canaria, which is located a hundred and fifty miles off the north-west coast of Africa, has long been accepted as one of the most gay-friendly holiday spots in the world, and with all-year round good weather it’s just a four and a half hour flight from the UK, you’re pretty much-guaranteed sunshine.

    English is widely spoken and the locals are incredibly friendly and accepting.

    Vista Bonita offers two styles of apartment, although they are all essentially the same floor plan. You have a standard duplex and the deluxe. They both offer a living room and equipped kitchenette as well as a first-floor bedroom. Each apartment has two toilets – and one which comes with a bath/shower. All have terraces overlooking the swimming pool or the lush gardens towards the back of the complex.

    The deluxe duplex offers the extras including a welcome fruit selection and alcohol. There are other extras as well.

    A word to the wise and an insider tip. Although a pool view might seem nice (in fact it can be at times very interesting – because some guests take full advantage of a clothing optional acceptance) it can be very noisy – especially at night when those who have partied at Yumbo for too long come back and think it’s a great idea to start a pool party at 3 AM. Although this is not permitted by hotel management, it did happen almost every night we stayed on our second visit. So ask for a room in the garden section – which is further away and offers a little more privacy.

    Flight time from the UK around 4 and half hours- with legacy and low fare carriers all serving the Island.

  • TV REVIEW | Against The Law

    As part of their Gay Britannia season, the BBC commissioned Against The Law, a docudrama of some of the events leading up the Wolfenden report, which paved the way to the partial decriminalisation of homosexuality in the UK.

    TV REVIEW | Against The Law

    Against The Law is a docudrama by filmmaker Fergus O’Brien, based on the true story of Peter Wildeblood played by Daniel Mays, a writer and journalist for the Daily Mail, who was charged and imprisoned for homosexual acts in 1954, following an affair with a military man (Richard Gadd). At the time, gay men were being arrested in their droves, police raids were regular and the shaming of men for their lifestyle was rife.

    The punishment for those found guilty was prison time and gay cures offered, by professional medical staff, to those who wished to drive the gay out of them. The cures offered included electrical and chemical aversion therapies.

    The law made it almost impossible for gay men to lead honest, open relationships with each other as demonstrated in Wildeblood’s story. His personal love letters to his boyfriend were used against him in evidence of his so-called crimes.

    After his incarceration, he was the only openly gay man to testify in front of the Wolfenden committee, the committee that was, eventually, instrumental in the decriminalising of homosexuality in the UK.

    Interspersed with the drama were the true life stories from men caught up in the cruelty of the British legal system. They share their heartbreaking stories of fear, longing for acceptance and reclamation of their stolen lives.

    Utterly captivating and desperately sad, Against The Law, is a history lesson everybody in the LGBT+ community needs to learn.

     

  • 10 thing straight people say to gay people that would be funny if they weren’t so tragic

    It’s curious, we’re told that it’s very acceptable to be gay in Britain today but there’s an undercurrent of unease that still persists.

    So, I’m not one of those gays who gets all huffy when anyone who’s heterosexual asks questions about being gay – after all, how do you expect to learn if you don’t ask – and don’t say “Google it”. You can only learn so much from a web search. Sometimes things need a personal explanation. So, here are some of the things that are kinda funny but tragic that have been asked or said to me in recent years.

    You can only learn so much from a web search. Sometimes things need a personal explanation. So, here are some of the things that are kinda funny but tragic that have been asked or said to me in recent years.

    I’m don’t mind…

    To be fair my homosexual revelation came as a shock to this particular woman. She may have been edging for a date… who knows. I’m glad you don’t mind. but I wasn’t looking for your disdain or approval.

    I’ve been to a gay wedding

    How sweet. But it did doesn’t give you brownie points for attending.

    I’ve got a gay best friend…

    Ask yourself – did you need to put the ‘gay’ in there. You don’t need to prove your gay-friendly credentials to me – just yourself.

    My cousin (insert name here) is gay – do you know him?

    Yes. We are all linked by gaydar. It’s how all homos keep in touch. It’s got local and international calls and the rates are cheaper than BT.

    Are you married – what’s her name?

    His name is Graham.

    You guys are so cute together, which one is the woman?

    Thank you for the validations. Neither of us is a woman. If you’re asking which role we take in the bedroom we’re going to need a whole lot more wine.

    When did you choose to be gay

    I dunno when did you choose to be straight? If you’re asking when did realise I was gay – I was 5-years-old. When was I finally admit to myself that I was gay? 20-years-old. That was 15 long, lonely years feeling awkward, alone and afraid.

    How do you know you’re gay if you’ve not been with a girl?

    Why are you even asking this? Would a gay person ever ask, ‘how do you know you’re straight if you’ve not been with someone of the same-sex? It’s just something you just know.

    Why do you always have to talk about dirty things… You seem like a lovely homosexual but…

    This was honestly was said to me. Now bearing in mind I hadn’t even said a word to this older woman. I was standing by a card rack full of “naughty” greeting cards we sell – and one of them says, “My Penis Approves Of You”. Bless her she obviously doesn’t realise that penises are a straight thing too and straight people talk about them as well. (If you’ve ever witnessed a hen party, you’ll know that it’s a common theme! Bravo.)

    You don’t seem gay…

    Well, I am. You just wait. Give me a spotlight, some Kylie and promises of a unicorn and I will be so gay for you.

  • How did Vince Cable vote on gay rights issues?

    The new leader of the Liberal Democrats has been announced as Sir Vince Cable after no challengers stepped forward. So how gay-friendly is the new leader of the Lib Dems?

    How did Vince Cable vote on gay rights issues?

    Votes on gay rights issues?

    Generally speaking, Sir Vince Cable has voted positively on all laws that affect the LGBT+ community in the UK. He has a good history when it comes to his pro-gay rights voting history and has always voted in the positive – including reducing the age of consent and on the repeal of Section 28. He has never negatively voted on an LGBT+ rights issue.

    Does Vince Cable have hang ups about gay sex like Tim Farron did?

    It doesn’t seem that he does. He voted positively on reducing the age of consent for homosexual sex. He also voted on repealing the prohibitive Section 28. He also voted positively on allowing same-sex marriages and civil partnerships.

    Has Vince Cable ever voted against gay rights?

    According to TheyWorkForYou.com Vince Cable has never voted against LGBT+ rights, however, he has been absent from a number “less important votes. This means that he was present for all the big votes like the age of consent, the repeal of Section 28, Civil Partnerships and Same-sex marriage. He was absent for the following votes:

    1. On 10 Feb 1999: Vincent Cable was absent for a vote on Sexual Offences (Amendment) Bill — Clause 1 — Age of Consent for Homosexual Acts Show vote
    2. On 1 Mar 1999: Vincent Cable was absent for a vote on Sexual Offences (Amendment) Bill — Third Reading Show vote
    3. On 10 Feb 2000: Vincent Cable was absent for a vote on Sexual Offences (Amendment) Bill Show vote
    4. On 9 Nov 2004: Vincent Cable was absent for a vote on Categories of civil partners other than same sex couples Show vote
    5. On 9 Nov 2004: Vincent Cable was absent for a vote on Civil Partnerships Bill [Lords] — Third Reading
    6. On 20 May 2008: Vincent Cable was absent for a vote on Human Fertilisation and Embryology Bill — Fertility treatment requires father and mother — rejected Show vote
    7. On 20 May 2008: Vincent Cable was absent for a vote on Human Fertilisation and Embryology Bill — Fertility treatment requires male role model — rejected
    8. On 5 Feb 2013: incent Cable was absent for a vote on Marriage (Same Sex Couples) Bill — (Carry-over)
    9. On 5 Mar 2014: Vincent Cable was absent for a vote on Amendments to Acts of Parliament in Light of the Introduction of Same Sex Marriage in Parts of the UK

    Keeping Sir Vince on Track on LGBT+ issues

    Speaking to THEGAYUK the LGBT+ Lib Dem group said that Sir Vince would keep the Liberal Democrats at the “forefront of LGBT+ equality”. They also said they would work with him to work on PrEP availability, transgender rights and the situation in Chechnya.

     

  • Ten stress busting life hacks

    Top 10 stress busting ideas to get you feeling on top of the world and ready to take on any situation.

    1) Breathing.

    via GIPHY

    It sounds silly as we do it automatically every few seconds of every day. I guess because if we didn’t then we wouldn’t have any stresses at all to worry about! Though I still often hear the phrase, “don’t forget to breathe” and why because when we panic we take short little breaths which can make us feel tight and agitated. So when you find yourself in a stressful situation do two things for me. One – Close your eyes. Two – Take in a deep breath to at least the count of six or seven, then control your out breath to a count of ten or eleven. Then repeat. IF YOU START TO FEEL DIZZY STOP! The closed eyes will allow you to focus on your breath and your breathing will help slow and calm the body allowing you to regroup to tackle any problems.

    2) Go for a walk.

    via GIPHY

    If you’re in the office then leave your desk and take a walk around the office, be it to the coffee machine or to the toilets. If you’re on a lunch break then try to leave the building. Fresh air and a different surrounding will really help to take away any work related stresses. Even if you have a deadline approaching a quick five mins walk can help save more time in the long run when you come back refreshed.

    3) Eating.

    via GIPHY

    What are you eating and when? Try not to skip meals like breakfast or lunch. Starving the body means it will fight for you attention and when you have a boss fighting for your attention also you don’t need the extra stress of a flagging body! When you do eat try to have something balanced. A good bowl of fruit and cereal for breakfast then a pasta lunch will do you wonders. Don’t replace meals with fizzy drinks or chocolate snacks as they’ll give you a five minute rush then you’ll feel more tired than you started.

    4) Ditch the phone.

    Having yourself available for contact 24hrs a day is not good for your health. You need ‘you time’. Switch off the phone for an hour in the evenings and treat yourself to spending some time with yourself or a loved one. When a phone is switched off you don’t have to worry about life outside of you. If it’s important they can leave a message. I also urge to ditch the phone whilst sleeping. Turn it off and leave in another room, or if it’s your alarm clock then put it as far away from you in the room. Give the brain some time to relax from the positive energies of the phone that still engulf a room when not in use.

    5) Drink.

    Most of us like a good drink now and then. If anything we all think we may drink a bit too much. I know I do, yet I try to convince myself it’s to help me unwind, to help me relax. True, in moderation! If you’re drinking a bottle of wine a night then it’s likely you won’t be getting a good nights sleep and feel groggy in the morning. Tonight why not ditch the bottle and have a peppermint tea instead? It has no caffeine so won’t keep you awake!

    6) Sex.

    Yes, it can be a great relaxant. A good steamy session or even some quality alone time can help muscles to relax and relieve some tension from the body. However please be careful as sex can also cause a lot of stress to your life if you’re having it unprotected and with people you don’t know. A trip to the GUM clinic is not going to help you achieve a more relaxed you!

    7) Chocolate.

    via GIPHY

    Yes I know I said chocolate and fizzy drinks are bad, but only if they are replacements for your main meals. A little nibble of chocolate (though for me if it’s open, it’s gone!) can give you a little life buzz. It’s these little buzzes that help us to enjoy life.

    8) Smiling.

    via GIPHY

    It’s true! If you smile you instantly feel better. Go on try it now and prove me wrong. Think of anything that makes you smile. For me there’s a whole bank of ‘smile moments’ in my life, mostly at the expense of family members, sometimes at myself, such as the time I walked into a glass door whilst trying to enter a bar in NY. I may have had a bit to drink and missed the sign that said push but nose first I left an imprint like an owl does when it’s hit a window at night. My eyes were certainly as wide!

    9) Massage.

    via GIPHY

    Having someone else rub oils all over your body and rub all the built up tension dirt from inside your muscles away is fantastic. I love it. Then again I just like being touched and It can sometimes be a great lead up to tension busting tip number 6. However not everyone is as free with their bodies, so if you hate the idea of someone else’s sweaty palms prodding you all over then try this. Take a tennis ball and place it on the back of a chair and roll your back over it. This also works for rolling your feet over it to relieve any foot stresses.

    10) Hot Bath & Candles.

    via GIPHY

    Sounds like a cliché but really can do the trick. I love a hot bath filled with fiery spices, light a couple of tee lights and turn the lights off. No phone nearby, no glass of wine, no partner wanting to get frisky, just you, the bath, and your deep thoughts. Breath in for six and out for ten, let your mind be free to wander. Breathing. In and out. Stresses of work, relationships, family will try to take over your clearing head as you breath in and out. In and out. The best advice I was ever given was when a thought enters you head don’t worry about it appearing, just let it drift away as it drifted in. Breath in and out. Let you thoughts evaporate into the steam of the bath. In and out. You have no worries. You have no stresses. You are enjoying the simplicity of life. Enjoy…

  • DVD REVIEW | Weekend; Quiet, unhurried and self assured

    DVD REVIEW | Weekend; Quiet, unhurried and self assured

    It’s the kind of movie that Hollywood would run a mile from, and that’s a good thing.

    DVD REVIEW | Weekend

    It’s quiet, introspective, understatedly self-assured and unhurried. A story about Russell (Tom Cullen), who heads out to a club after a drunken house party with his straight mates. He meets Glen (Chris New). Expecting just a one night stand, their relationship turns into something else.

    Russell and Glen are two quite different characters – Russell unassuming, happy to mix in a world of mainly heterosexual coupled family and friends, in their semi detached suburban houses. Quitely apologetic about his sexuality, he lives alone, surrounded by second-hand goods. Even his prowling at the gay bar is underwhelming – resigned to settling for second best, happy to take second prize. Glen, louder, abrasive, politically aware, activist, assured and confident, all banter and words, knows what he wants and isn’t afraid to offend in getting his agenda across. The dramatic foundation of the film comes from the differences between these two newly acquainted lovers. Their differences and their arguments are intense, brief and affectionate.

    It’s clear that director/writer Andrew Haigh wanted to take his time to explore young British gay guys over a weekend of booze, drugs and hookups. To delve into their relationship hang-ups, their awkwardness with public displays and unpicking the sometimes complicated rules surrounding brand new relationships and one night stands. Whilst the rest of the cinematic world is bound up in fantasies of heterosexual picket fences and 2.4 children Weekend is the discovery of an alternative love story in 2012. Love Vs. Sex, Marriage Vs. “It’s Complicated” It’s gay life and it doesn’t apologise for that, it’s ok for relationships to begin in a seedy dark club, eyeing each others’ pink bits in the toilet.

    Oddly, the film has no soundtrack to speak off, no underlining of key moments, no underscoring of emotions. There aren’t many to underscore. Although Russell’s character is tragic, eking out a childhood in various care homes to living a single, footprint-less life in a tower-block in the suburbs, the film doesn’t allow him to wallow in this backstory. It’s merely presented as fact. The look and feel of the film are artistic and edgy. It looks like it’s been shot using an Instagram effect, pallid and washed out. The frames aren’t always ascetically pleasing, but technically precise, tightly focussing on the observations of its two principles. The editing mixes rough cuts to long extended views. In Hollywood, the creative team would probably focus on some outstanding cloud formations or an interesting arty, out of focus object. But Weekend makes no apology for its simple focus. It’s life. Dull and as messy as life can be on a wet, dreary, October weekend in England.

    It’s a confident and welcome move which relies on the superb acting from the two leads Tom Cullen and Chris New, whose performances felt somewhat improvised and therefore played with an edge of reality that you believe that they are in the throes of a brand new relationship. The film leaves a potent silence in the room as the credits roll. A quiet acceptance and understanding creeps over you as the film’s story sinks in and you almost ache at the end for a Hollywood ending. It never comes.

    In a brave and raw move, Weekend doesn’t provide our lovers with a happy ending or even a resolution. As with life, things are never wrapped up in a nice neat bow, ready for filing in ‘Happy ever after.’

     

    Available on Amazon | iTunes

  • DVD REVIEW | Telstar, The Joe Meek Story

    You may not have heard of Joe Meek, but will certainly have heard his musical productions and songwriting.

    DVD REVIEW | Telstar, The Joe Meek Story

    Joe Meek was a pioneer of the 60’s music landscape. Joe Meek was a gay producer and songwriter, who wrote the hit “Telstar”. Set in the homophobic 60’s Britain, where to be gay was still illegal, the film delivers a power marker to how far the gay movement has come.

    The film follows Meek’s life just before “Telstar” became a worldwide success and follows his downfall into a mental breakdown that would eventually lead to murder and suicide. Telstar is an incredible journey of success and depression, of sexual exploration and exploitation, of madness and paranoia – with a hint of the paranormal thrown in for good measure.

    The casting for this film is very strong, Con O’Neill plays a magnificently, out of control Meek. Delving into a delivering a truly brilliant performance of a tone deaf musical genius. The film’s strengths are it’s brilliantly comic (albeit all true) characters and it’s thought provoking end – the demise of Joe Meek.

     

     

    Available to buy on Amazon and iTunes

  • TRAVEL | As a gay man where should I stopover on the way to Australia?

    TRAVEL | As a gay man where should I stopover on the way to Australia?

    This week a reader is looking to book a ticket to Australia but wants to ensure that the layover is in a gay-friendly destination.

    Dear Travel Team

    I’m in the process of booking a flight to Australia and I wanted to know where I should stop over. Many airlines offer a stop over in Abu Dhabi or Qatar or other Arab nations and I realise that homosexuality is legal in many of these countries. I was wondering which airlines offer the safest places to stop over for LGBT+ people

    John,

    Where is safe for gay people to stopover on a flight to Australia

    Hello John,

    Travelling to Australia is a long process and requires at least one layover on the way. There are two ways in which airlines traverse the planet to get to Australia – either westwards over North America, which involves a stopover in Los Angeles in the US or Vancouver in Canada. The other way is eastwards where there are many more layover options. However in many of these countries, as an openly gay man, you may face legal issues.

    Homosexuality is still illegal in many destinations in the Middle East, including Abu Dabi, Dubai and Qatar, which are all incredibly popular pit stops for the airlines. Some airlines also use Singapore or Malaysia where homosexuality is also illegal.

    So we would recommend looking at a stopover destination which is gay-friendly or where at least homosexuality isn’t illegal. Luckily there are loads of choices in the USA, Philippines, Japan, Canada and China. As an extra benefit, many of these countries have airlines operating the UK/Australia route which has the least expensive flights.

    Here are some of the places in which airlines stop where homosexuality is illegal:

    Air France stops in Abu Dhabi.

    Alitalia stops in Abu Dhabi.

    British Airways stops in Singapore.

    Emirates stops in Dubai.

    Etihad Airways stops in Abu Dhabi.

    Malaysia Airlines stops in Kuala Lumpur Malaysia.

    Qatar Airlines stops in Hamad Intl. Doha.

    Qantas stops in Dubai.

    Singapore Airlines stops in Singapore.

    Virgin Austrailia stops in Abu Dhabi.

    Virgin Atlantic stops in Singapore.

    Airlines which fly to Austraila using stopovers in countries which are gay-friendly or where it is not legal to be gay.

    Air China stops in Capital Intl in China.

    All Nippon Airways stops in Haneda Japan.

    Air Canada stops in Canada (Vancouver).

    American Airlines stops in Los Angeles, USA.

    Asiana Airlines stops in Seoul in South Korea.

    Cathay Pacific stops in Hong Kong.

    China Eastern Airlines stops in Shanghai, China.

    China Southern Airlines stops in Baiyun Intl in China.

    KLM stops in Guangzhou, China.

    Lufthansa stops in Los Angeles, USA.

    Thai Airways International stops in Suvarnabhumi Intl, Thailand.

    Philippines Airlines stops in Manila, Philippines.

  • TV REVIEW | Epidemic: When Britain Fought AIDS, Channel 4

    ★★★★★ | Epidemic: When Britain Fought AIDS, Channel 4

    REVIEW | Epidemic: When Britain Fought AIDS, Channel 4

    To mark the 50 years of the partial decriminalisation of homosexuality in England and Wales, Channel 4 has commissioned a number of special programmes, in its 50 Shades Of Gay series; Epidemic: When Britain Fought AIDS is just one of these remarkable look backs.

    In the 1980s the UK was gripped by the panic of a destructive disease, which, in the beginning seemingly only affected the gay and bisexual male community. Citizens the world over were starting to exhibit numerous illnesses caused by one of the most destructive diseases known to man. It killed its victims ruthlessly, painfully and indiscriminately.

    It would take the best part of a decade for the government and health industry of the day to get to grips with just the naming and diagnosis of what we now know today as HIV and AIDS. To put it perspective, PrEP and Truvada were still twenty years in the development.

    Epidemic: When Britain Fought AIDS focuses on the main players in a forgotten story, from the landmark moment when Princess Diana publicly held the hand of someone who had AIDS in the UK’s first HIV/AIDS hospital ward to the complete silence on the subject from the UK’s Prime Minister, Margaret Thatcher.

    Paul O’Grady, Jean Paul Gaultier, Andy Bell, Lord Michael Cashman, and Margaret Thatcher’s health secretary Norman Fowler, give personal insight into how the battle against AIDS was fought. It delves into how the language that we used today was born and how the fight against AIDS, forced the UK, as a whole, to face its own intolerance and see LGBT+ people as humans rather than sinners and degenerates.

    Watch it on the Channel 4 website

     

     

     

     

  • If you’re finding it hard to bottom for your boyfriend try these 7 tricks

    If you’re finding it hard to bottom for your boyfriend try these 7 tricks

    So if you’re new to bottoming or you’re just looking some tips on to how to make it easier, here are some tips

    F**k First.

    We’re not going to take credit for this, Dan Savage talks about doing the deed before you go out on a romantic date! Yep, get the good stuff first. If you’re planning a night out with your man – sex first. That way, on your date, you can eat to your heart’s content – and not worry about stomach or gut-related issues later on.

    You on top.

    This position is normally called the Cowboy. The best way to control how far your partner goes in is with you on top. With you, on top, you can also control the speed of the thrusts – or limit them altogether. You can be in complete control of the movement because your partner’s range of movement will be limited.

    Your hand in the way.

    So if you’re tired of the cowboy position you can try all manner of other positions, but try this trick. If your partner is just too long for you, you can put your hand in the way. So imagine putting his penis through your fist and then into you. That eliminates around 3 inches of his actual length. The “top” partner shouldn’t really feel any less pleasure- especially if you lube up the inside of your palm.

    As you get more accustomed you can change the fist into a V shape made from your index and middle finger in front of your butthole.

    Spooning position.

    Another range limiting position is the spooning position, where you lie on your side and your partner comes in from behind also lying on his side. To limit the range of thrust close your legs – as you get used to the feeling of him inside you, you can start to open your legs more.

    It’s all in the Prep.

    Spending some time by yourself – prepping can actually help loosen you up. If you’re comfortable douching that will definitely get your butt more relaxed. You can try with a showerhead, however, you must be careful of water pressure and the heat of the water – or with an actual douche.

    Douches are relatively inexpensive and are an effective way of making sure you’re all flushed out. Our online store stocks a great range of douches, including shower douches, which offer a much deeper and extensive clean out.

    Prep can also come in the guise of using a little dildo or vibrator that you can have some fun with before the main event. You could even have two one small and one larger for when you get a little more relaxed.

    Pre-lube yourself.

    After prepping yourself, why not pre-lube yourself. Don’t just wait before you’re actually in the moment, you could try using a thicker lube like the FistIt range of lubes. Using your finger take a blob of the lube and put it right inside you.

    Or you could even use a lube launcher or shooter. Insert the tube and squirt away! However, make sure if you’re using a lube which isn’t water-based that it might not be suitable to use with latex condoms – always check the packaging for instructions.

    If you’re going to use condoms don’t use oil-based lube, instead you silicone or water-based lubes. You can find a range of lubes from our official store.

    Tell Him STFD

    In the end, it’s your body and your butt. If you’re not happy TELL HIM. Or as we like to say… Slow The F*** DOWN. There’s no need to rush and you should take your time. Be sensitive to your body and let go at your pace.