A f*ck buddy of mine has just told me he has genital herpesbut says he’s never had it whilst we’ve had sex.
Can I still get herpes if he’s not got an outbreak?
Tim.
Dear Tim,
Genital Herpes is an infection caused by the herpes simplex virus (HSV), which can cause painful blisters in your genital area. It can be passed from person to person during sexual contact and is a long-term condition. The virus remains in your body and can become active at any time. HSV can affect any mucous membrane, any moist lining, such as your mouth – and can cause cold sores.
So, unless he has an active herpes infection, that is visible lesions then it is unlikely that you will be at risk of contracting herpes.
However, if he is infected he should be undergoing treatment. This lowers the risk of catching herpes even further but as the virus is transmitted by skin to skin contact I would recommend that you go and get checked at your local sexual health clinic.
Using condoms or a dental dam (if you’re rimming) are great ways to further lower the risk of herpes, or other STIs passing from one person to another.
The advice listed above is not intended to replace or take the place of that of your own doctor, GP or medical professional who knows your full medical history. If in any doubt make an appointment with your doctor as soon as possible.
I’m a newly married man. I’m suffering from piles. Can I have sex with piles? If yes how many times in a week I can have sex with piles?
Concerned, 33
Dear Concerned, 33
Yikes, that’s a lot of butt sex questions. Piles are a pain in the ass, quite literally and I would recommend if you’re in pain or bleeding from your butt not having penetrative sex until they’ve all healed up. This doesn’t mean that you have to forgo sex altogether. There are a few ways to simulate anal sex for your partner, read about them here – and let’s not forget our friends the BJ and the humble handjob.
We asked Public Health Practitioner Jose Perez de la Cruz, BPubHtlth his thoughts on whether it’s safe to have sex whilst you have haemorrhoids and he told us,
“Anal sex has the potential to inflame pre-existing haemorrhoids (piles), though research shows that it does not cause them in the first place. So long as the piles are not actively bleeding or painful at the time on intercourse then it is probably safe to have sex.
“If they are bleeding or there is inflammation though, this means that the natural protective barrier formed by the skin and mucous membranes is not at its optimum which if exposed to an STI can make transmission more likely.
“I would recommend using Preparation H or Germoloids (all available on Amazon) to help control pain and inflammation and to reduce swelling.
So, get yourself a good haemorrhoids cream and go to town on those bad boys, when they’ve healed up or disappeared from view then you can start reintroducing anal sex back into your life – but go slow and use lots and lots of lube. If you get a sharp painful feeling or see blood, stop.
If the piles don’t go away after a couple of weeks, book an appointment with your doctor to see what they maybe able to do to help.
A leading doctor has revealed what can cause piles and how you can avoid them.
Doctor Diana Gall, from Doctor-4-U, has revealed to THEGAYUK what causes piles and no, anal sex isn’t one of them.
Dr Gall told us, “Piles, also known as haemorrhoids, are a common condition which anyone can get. You are more likely to get them when you are older, but they can occur at any time, regardless of age.
“Piles occur when blood vessels inside or around your anus become swollen, creating lumps which are usually small, round and discoloured. The most common causes of piles are constipation and straining too much when you go to the toilet. They can also be caused by lifting heavy objects or having a persistent cough.
Can anal sex cause piles?
The good doc continues, “Many people think piles can be caused by anal sex, but this is very unlikely. Though anal sex can irritate existing piles, so plenty of lube should be used to avoid as much irritation as possible.
How to avoid getting piles
“While piles can never become 100% avoidable for anyone”, Dr Gall tells us, “you’ll have a much better chance of preventing them if you maintain a diet containing plenty of fibre-rich foods and drink plenty of fluids. You should, however, limit your intake of caffeinated drinks such as tea and coffee. Keeping your bottom clean and dry and using a softer alternative to toilet paper (like moist toilet tissues) can help a lot too if you’re frequently getting piles. Exercising regularly can also help prevent piles, but your diet and hygiene are bigger factors.
What to do if you get piles
If you do end up getting piles, then you’ll want to be able to identify relevant symptoms. The lumps this condition creates may or may not be large enough to come out of your anus. It depends on how severe your condition proves to be. If you can feel lumps or pain around your anus, then this is most likely a clear sign of piles.
If it hurts your butt when you get fingered, you should read on.
The ass is pretty darn resilient and there’s a pleasure to be had from anal sex, but there are a few golden rules to make sure you keep safe and reduce pain.
Use a good amount of lube and have a towel handy that you can wipe your hands, as it can get quite messy. **That** scene in Brokeback Mountain – as hot as it looks, is just not that realistic. A bit of spit and shove isn’t going to cut it. Use a good lube – and there are a few to choose from on the market. You might find that you get on with some better than others. Try the trial or travel sizes until you find the perfect lube.
One of the most misleading things about porn is that you can’t just stick it in – and that includes fingers. You need to take it gradually. You could start off with a bit of rimming and then move on to a finger – then if that feels good maybe two. Don’t just go for it. You will cause yourself a lot of pain.
You could do a bit of prep yourself before sex. Perhaps while you’re in the shower – or if you douche you could get your butt used to the feeling of a finger or two up there before you get down with your partner. Using warm water to douche could help you relax as well.
You say that it hurts after fingering, are your boyfriend’s fingernails ragged? If he’s got claws that a Gruffalo would be proud of it’s time to invest in some nail clippers for him. He may be, unknowingly tearing your insides – which will make the whole experience uncomfortable.
Keep the fingering motion smooth and long and thin (goes right in). He shouldn’t curl up his fingers inside you – this is going to cause discomfort. No vigorous finger jamming like he’s Donald Trump giving a speech.
You could always try a desensitising spray or lube.
Numbing lubes could be the way to know, but make sure you look out for sides for trauma and if you still fill discomfort, stop immediately.
Anal Training
You could go down the anal training route. There are anal toys that act like dilators, we call them anal trainers. They start from a small and thinner insertable that gently stretches your anus. When you get used to the smallest size you can go to the next size. Each time, take it slowly and use lube. Eventually, you should be able to take the largest toy, without too much discomfort.
So to recap: take time and use lube.
If you’re really concerned that there’s something wrong book an appointment to see your GP.
The advice listed above is not intended to replace or take the place of that of your own doctor, GP or medical professional who knows your full medical history. If in any doubt make an appointment with your doctor as soon as possible.
*Disclosure links contained in this article point towards our very own shop, this was not a paid placement and there are other shops available.
Bleeding after anal sex can be just ‘one of those things’ and can happen on your first go round or your 100th – so to put your mind and butt at rest, here’s why it happens.
(C) BIGSTOCK
Anal sex can be an integral part of a sexual relationship, but not all couples do it – however, there’s a lot of wrong information out there about bottoming.
Your rectum is not self-lubricating, so unless you’re using lube, you’re going to be creating a lot of friction, which can cause the lining of the rectum to tear or rip a little, if this sounds hideous, it might be worth noting that most of these rips are tiny – and can actually happen outside of sex as well. These rips can cause bleeds – and most probably you’ve had bleeds but never realised it.
It happens because the lining of your rectum is not as strong as your normal skin.
Also, anal sex could also be causing what are known as anal fissures – which are tiny rips that can happen both on the inside and on and around your actual hole – especially if you’re not relaxed or have not loosened yourself up before the main event. These can heal all by themselves within a few weeks.
The P Word…
Another issue is the dreaded P word – yes piles.
Bleeds may be caused by popping a pile or if we’re going to be medical about it, haemorrhoids. Piles are completely normal and are the enlargement of a blood vessel that already exists inside your butt. You might not even know you have one until it pops during sex.
Some people have visible piles on the outside of the anus, whilst some have them on the inside.
There’s no evidence to show that having anal sex causes piles but it can inflame the issue.
Jose Perez de la Cruz from THT told us, “So long as the piles are not actively bleeding or painful at the time on intercourse then it is probably safe to have sex. If they are bleeding or there is inflammation though this means that the natural protective barrier formed by the skin and mucous membranes is not at its optimum which if exposed to an STI can make transmission more likely”.
“So long as the piles are not actively bleeding or painful at the time on intercourse then it is probably safe to have sex. If they are bleeding or there is inflammation though this means that the natural protective barrier formed by the skin and mucous membranes is not at its optimum which if exposed to an STI can make transmission more likely”.
If you’re suffering from haemorrhoids you can buy Preparation H or Germaloids online and this should help ease them away and give yourself a few days rest from sex to help you heal.
When should go to the doctor about anal bleeding?
If you are experiencing a lot of pain or prolonged aching after sex you might need to seek medical help. It is normal for there to be some discomfort for a day after, especially after your first time. However, if pain continues you should go and see your GP or book yourself into a sexual health clinic.
If there is a lot of blood (think steady drip rather than a bit of spotting on your toilet paper) you should go and see your doc ASAP.
Dr Shawn Khodadadian, a board-certified gastroenterologist in Manhattan, is cautioning people against ignoring rectal bleeding. He warns that rectal bleeding could be a sign of other, far more serious illness such as colorectal or colon cancer. He said,
“as there are many possible causes and getting an early diagnosis is particularly important. This is because although rectal bleeding can be a symptom of haemorrhoids, colitis or anal fissures, it can also be a sign of a far more serious illness for example colorectal or colon cancer. These types of cancers can often be completely cured when detected early.”
Your gonna need lube and lots of it
So the best way to stop the friction is to use lube a lot of it. You can find out about the different types of lube here. If you’re having a long session – they don’t forget to keep reapplying the lube or use a silicon-based lube, which should last a lot longer.
Remember, despite what you see in gay porn, you can just ram it in. You need to take your time, use lube and go an inch at a time!
A reader asks advice on whether he’ll ever be able to have anal sex, especially as he finds it uncomfortable fingering himself.
(C) BIGSTOCK
Dear TGUK
I find it quite uncomfortable when fingering myself and i get sore from it. I actually want to try being a bottom but since I can’t handle fingering I don’t think I could do it with another person, what do you think I should do?
Ty, 18
Dear Ty
Everyone’s ass is different and so is its ability to take various sized objects. Barring any medical reason, like anal fissures or piles it sounds as though you just need time and practice. As you’re quite young, the odds of you having fissures or piles is quite slim, but not impossible. If in any doubt you should definitely book to see your GP or visit to a sexual health clinic, who will be able to give you a sexual health check and you can discuss any issues you have.
In your letter, you didn’t mention whether you use lubrication when you try and finger yourself. If not, you should invest in some lube – but if you’re not in a situation where you can buy lube there are alternatives. There are, however, some liquids you shouldn’t use as a lubricant – these include body lotions and shampoo as these will irritate and potentially make your insides feel like the gates of hell.
If you can’t get hold of proper lube, it’s best to use a natural, unperfumed oily liquid. When you’re just by yourself there are a number of lube substitutes around the home that you can use, like olive oil, coconut oil, vaseline and aloe vera gel – none of these are good to use during sex with a condom. They will destroy the integrity of the condom. Always use a lube designed for condom usage.
Also, make sure you cut your nails and smooth them off. It’s important not to have jagged nails as you could catch your insides and cause a tear or rip internally.
Time is your friend
The trick with taking anything larger than a finger is time and patience and you should communicate that with anyone you have sex with. Don’t feel rushed into taking the D before you’re ready.
A word to the wise, it probably will hurt the first time you bottom for someone – and the chances are that you won’t be able to take it for very long either, but with time and practice (either by yourself or with a partner) you will be able to take it for longer and longer.
Most guys can’t bottom for that long – even though porn can make it seem that they’re taking dick for hours at a time. It’s just one of those unrealistic expectations that gay porn has given us! Most guys cum within minutes of starting penetrative sex, a study found that men can last anywhere from 1 minute to 10 minutes, so you don’t need to be an ass athlete. You can always ask your topper to stop as well. Your body your rules.
Practice Makes Perfect
By yourself, after one finger, there are two fingers. Some people may want to try experimenting with various fruits and vegs, but there are some issues with using anything that doesn’t have a flared end. Without the splayed bottom it could disappear up inside you and that’s where problems can really begin. Ideally, you should try and buy a dildo or butt plug designed for ass play.
Take your time
There’s no rush – and when it comes to the actual sex take your time. If you’ve got time to prepare, you might want to douche (where you use water to get rid of poop in your anal canal and rectum) and lots of foreplay. Yes, get your guy to rim you and play and finger your butt.
The advice listed above is not intended to replace or take the place of that of your own doctor, GP or medical professional who knows your full medical history. If in any doubt make an appointment with your doctor as soon as possible.
There are so many questions that people have, especially when their information comes through the grapevine. So rather than letting myth turn to fact, we’ll answer them for you.
Do gay men need to wear tampons or adult diapers? Where to begin. Do you mean receptive gay men? I.e. Bottoms? Because you know it’s not just gay men who bottom. Ever heard of pegging?
So the question is more likely to be: “Do people who have anal sex need to wear tampons?” And the answer is nope. Not if you’re doing it right. Yes, there is a right and a wrong way of having anal sex. Misinformation and myths like this can lead to the idea that you can tell if a guy is straight or gay by giving him an anal examination. This sometimes happens in countries where homosexuality is illegal.
We’ve all heard the story of the guy that had anal sex so much that he couldn’t control his bowels and so he needed to wear a tampon to stop the poop. Whether this guy actually existed we’ll never know, maybe he did. But guys who are having regular receptive sex shouldn’t have any issues in controlling their bodily functions.
What is regular anal sex?
So what is “regular anal sex”, well it’s important to know two things about up-the-butt sex. Time and Lube are your friends. In fact, they’re best buds.
One of the most important muscles is your external sphincter. It like the main ring. It’s a powerful muscle that stops stuff from getting out (and in) but like any muscle, it can be damaged (and even better strengthened).
This and the lining of the rectum are delicate and if you’re too rough or haven’t prepared yourself properly, well you can cause yourself damage, which is why it’s important to communicate how you’re feeling with your “top”.
Doctor Rick Viney, a consultant urological surgeon at BMI The Priory and BMI Edgbaston hospitals in Birmingham, told us that “Rapidly and forcefully overstretching the anus can tear the anal sphincter which can result in the need for surgical repair. The sphincter can be gently dilated over a short period of time using devices like a plug or a gradual increase in the number of fingers inserted.”
The butt, will after dilation return to its normal size shortly after sex. If you’ve done something more extreme, like fisting, it may take a longer time to go back to normal.
But what if you have lots and lots of anal sex.
Well, regularly having anal sex isn’t really enough for you to need you to wear a tampon. Naturally, if you’re having a lot of sex, you might find your hole does become looser, but you shouldn’t lose control altogether.
If you do find yourself or feel that you’ve become looser, there are exercises that can help you retain a tight ring. The NHS recommends a series of exercises. In one they suggest engaging your muscles like you are trying to stop a fart. They write,
“Try squeezing and lifting that muscle as tightly as you can, as if you are worried that you are about to leak. Your buttocks, tummy and legs should not move much at all. You should be aware of the skin around the back passage tightening and being pulled up and away from the chair. Really try to feel this. You are now exercising your anal sphincter”.
There’s a way of holding that feeling for as long as you can. Like imaging that your sphincter muscle is a lift and that you’re taking it to the fourth floor and holding it while the passengers get out and then back down again.
If you can’t go to the fourth, try the 2nd!
You get the idea.
The best thing about exercising these muscles is that you don’t need an expensive gym membership or even proper work out clothes. You can do them in your car at the traffic lights or on your way to work on the train. No one will know. Unless you turn to your fellow passenger and tell them. We suggest you don’t do this. It might freak them the F out.
Pooping is a fact of life when you’re dealing with the butt and anal sex. Yep, for the most part, the butt is where waste leaves your body – and to that end, nothing really to be ashamed about. We all do it.
Don’t worry it’s not the end of the world. There are some options for you. You can both jump in the shower and have a wash down, or if your partner is up for it, flip roles!
2) “If neither one can get by with a little poo then neither one should be having anal in the first place. Shit happens. It’s a butt – what’d you expect?” (VIA)
3) “Usually, I think that ends anal for the night. Hop in the shower, rinse off, resume oral/body contact/making out. I’ve never gone back to anal after an incident lol but that’s nbd”. (VIA)
4) “Clean up and proceed or flip roles if they happen to be clean. It’s really only a problem if you don’t have a place to wash up around.” (VIA)
5) “Take it to the shower, with silicone lube in hand. Ta-da.” (VIA)
6) “It’s an occupational hazard, like catching a pube when you’re giving a blowjob. Grow up, and towel off, I guess? Humanity is repulsive if you look at it with any seriousness. I find accepting that goes a long way.” (VIA)
7) “It’s the ass’ way of communicating. It says “I want more”” (VIA)
8) “Yeah, have to say I laugh at the tops who get all squeamish about guys ‘cleaning’ beforehand. You are putting your penis into an asshole. It’s where poop comes from”. (VIA)
9) “It’s just literally the male equivalent to a queef. If you’re pounding air into something it’s going to release. The bottom doesn’t even usually know it’s going to happen”. (VIA)
In fact, less than 1200 people are diagnosed with anal cancer in the UK every year.
Apparently what you need to look out for is for the transmission of HPV, the virus responsible for genital warts. “The virus responsible for genital warts (HPV) can ultimately lead to the development of a type of anal, penile, cervical and oral cancers called squamous cancer, Rick warns.
HPV is the name for a group of viruses that affect the skin and moist membranes lining the body such as the cervix, anus, mouth and throat. HPV infections are highly contagious when transmitted sexually.
Some strains of the HPV virus can cause genital warts, and cancers of the anus, penis, mouth and throat. In some cases, it can also cause head and neck cancer.
What else can cause anal cancer? Well the NHS website suggests that smoking can be a cause and having a weakened immune system, for example, if you have HIV could also be a cause. For women, cancer history also plays a part. If you’ve had cervical, vaginal or vulval cancer could be cause for concern.
What are the symptoms of anal cancer?
Symptoms for anal cancer are very similar to other, less serious conditions. If you’re worried about your bottom’s health, go see a doctor.
Anal cancer can be symptomless and the symptoms that can occur can be similar to less serious conditions like piles and anal fissures.
According to the NHS website, these include: bleeding from the anus, an itchy or painful bottom, small lumps around the anus, a mucus discharge or loss of bowel control.
If you have any concerns, as always, we suggest you consult your doctor.
One of the major concerns for gay men who have had prostate surgery to remove the prostate gland is whether they can ever bottom again.
Table of Contents
The prostate is often referred to as the G Spot for men, or indeed, trans women. It has tonnes of nerve endings and when manipulated, it can cause huge amounts of pleasure for the recipient. Due to its placement in the body, the only way to access the prostate is either through fingering, anal sex or sounding.
What and where is the prostate?
The Prostate is a satsuma sized gland, located between the penis and bladder. Its function is to help in the production of semen. It produces the white fluid which is mixed with sperm created in the testicles.
What happens when the prostate is removed?
Removing the prostate is an operation which will be done under general anaesthetic, and it’s called a prostatectomy. This is where the entire or part of the prostate gland is removed. Usually due to cancer, but it might be removed for other reasons.
The operation does carry risks, including erectile dysfunction, urinary incontinence and loss of ejaculation, however, it doesn’t mean that sex for gay men has to stop.
In order to check the health of your prostate, you might receive a rectal examination.
Can you have gay sex after prostate surgery?
One reader recently asked whether it was safe for him to bottom again after surgery. We asked Doctor Rick Viney, a consultant urological surgeon at BMI The Priory and BMI Edgbaston hospitals in Birmingham, whether it was possible to bottom, or be the receptive partner in anal sex after a prostatectomy, he told us,
“With plenty of lube and going very gently at first there should be no problems.
“Now the prostate has gone the sensations may be diminished.
“Probably best done on an empty bladder as there may be a risk of some urinary incontinence unless you are ok with that – you might want to warn a potential partner of this possibility, beforehand.”
In our podcast with Prostate Cancer survivor Martin Wells he told us, depending on your treatment, you could lose your ability to get a self-maintained erection, but said, that even though he couldn’t have sex in the same way as he had before his treatment, he learned a brand new way of being intimate with his partner. He now enjoys a more tantric approach to sex.
As always, it’s always best to ask your own physician or GP after surgery to see if there might be any other complications.
Myths persist – but here’s what you need to know if you’re bleeding after anal sex.
(C) BIGSTOCK / Depositphotos
Anal sex can be an integral part of a sexual relationship, but not all couples do it – however, there’s a lot of wrong information out there about bottoming.
Bleeding after anal sex can be just ‘one of those things’ and can happen on your first go round or your 100th – so to put your mind and butt at rest, here’s why it happens.
Tiny rips happen
Your rectum is not self-lubricating, so unless you’re using lube, you’re going to be creating a lot of friction, which can cause the lining of the rectum to tear or rip a little, if this sounds hideous, it might be worth noting that most of these rips are tiny – and can actually happen outside of sex as well. These rips can cause bleeds – and most probably you’ve had bleeds but never realised it.
It happens because the lining of your rectum is not as strong as your normal skin.
Also, anal sex could also be causing what is known as an anal fissure. Anal fissures are tiny rips that can happen both on the inside and on and around your actual hole – especially if you’re not relaxed or have not loosened yourself up before the main event. These can heal all by themselves within a few weeks.
The P Word…
Another issue is the dreaded P word – yes piles.
Bleeds may be caused by popping a pile or if we’re going to be medical about it, haemorrhoids. Piles are completely normal and are the enlargement of a blood vessel that already exists inside your butt. You might not even know you have one until it pops during sex.
Some people have visible piles on the outside of the anus, whilst some have them on the inside.
There’s no evidence to show that having anal sex causes piles but it can inflame the issue.
Jose Perez de la Cruz from THT told us, “So long as the piles are not actively bleeding or painful at the time on intercourse then it is probably safe to have sex. If they are bleeding or there is inflammation though this means that the natural protective barrier formed by the skin and mucous membranes is not at its optimum which if exposed to an STI can make transmission more likely”.
“So long as the piles are not actively bleeding or painful at the time on intercourse then it is probably safe to have sex. If they are bleeding or there is inflammation though this means that the natural protective barrier formed by the skin and mucous membranes is not at its optimum which is exposed to an STI can make transmission more likely”.
If you’re suffering from haemorrhoids you can buy Preparation H or Germaloids online and this should help ease them away and give yourself a few days rest from sex to help you heal.
When should I seek help?
If you are experiencing a lot of pain or prolonged aching after sex you might need to seek medical help. It is normal for there to be some discomfort for a day after, especially after your first time. However, if pain continues you should go and see your GP or book yourself into a sexual health clinic.
If there is a lot of blood (think steady drip rather than a bit of spotting on your toilet paper) you should go and see your doc ASAP.
Dr Shawn Khodadadian, a board-certified gastroenterologist in Manhattan, is cautioning people against ignoring rectal bleeding. He warns that rectal bleeding could be a sign of other, far more serious illness such as colorectal or colon cancer. He said,
“as there are many possible causes and getting an early diagnosis is particularly important. This is because although rectal bleeding can be a symptom of haemorrhoids, colitis or anal fissures, it can also be a sign of a far more serious illness for example colorectal or colon cancer. These types of cancers can often be completely cured when detected early.”
You’re gonna need lube and lots of it
So the best way to stop the friction is to use lube a lot of it. You can find out about the different types of lube here. If you’re having a long session – they don’t forget to keep reapplying the lube or use a silicone-based lube, which should last a lot longer.
Remember, despite what you see in gay porn, you can just ram it in. You need to take your time, use lube and go an inch at a time!
