Really effing gay it seems that’s for sure

Madonna
CREDIT: Denis Makarenko / Bigstock

 

What do Abba, Kylie, Scissor Sisters, Elton, Jason Donovan, Streisand and Musical Theatre have in common? Read on.

The official chart company have just published the list of the biggest selling album for each year from 1956 up until today and basically it seems you really have to appeal to the pink pound if you want a really big seller. Abba come up tops three times, Adele twice and loads of other very gay friendly artists are among the chart champs of the last 60 years even Su Bo make the list.

Unbelievably 11 of the list are from musicals and musical theatre so nothing gay there then. There is no room for any macho rock, hip hop, r&b, rock and roll or homophobic reggae. Basically if you don’t fit with the G-A-Y party Crowd, a pride float, the Royal Vauxhall Tavern dancefloor or on Gaydar radio then you ain’t gonna get those multi-platinum discs.

Gays just have more spare cash and we LOVE to spend it on our music. Therefore no Rolling Stones, AC/DC, Beyoncé, Rihanna, U2, Dance acts or any closet queer punk rockers.

1956 Carousel – OST, yep we have no idea either

1957 The King & I – OST (We could dance all night and year)

1958 My Fair Lady – OST, Where does it rain

1959 South Pacific – OST Some truly enchanted twelve months

1960 South Pacific – OST YEAR TWO (Still with musical theatre – where’s some Cliff?)

1961 GI Blues – Elvis Presley Soundtrack, Wooden Heart and 10 other poor fillers

1962 West Side Story – OST altogether “I feel pretty, I feel pre….”

1963 With The Beatles – Beatles (At last a studio album)

1964 Beatles For Sale – Beatles, predictable

1965 The Sound Of Music…It’s the biggest one of all!

1966 The Sound Of Music…Yeah AGAIN!

1967 Sgt Peppers Lonely Hearts Club Band – Beatles, enough already buy some Motown

1968 The Sound Of Music …Still Going stronger than anyone else Four years on.

1969 Abbey Road – Beatles (Not a tonne of competition in the Sixties)

1970 Bridge Over Troubled Water – Simon & Garfunkel, because Clive Dunn never made an LP

1971 Bridge Over Troubled Water – Simon & Garfunkel still sailing on silver bird

1972 20 Dynamic Hits – K-Tel Various Artists (Remember K-Tel records and Ronco!)

1973 Don’t Shoot Me I’m Only The Piano Player – Elton John back when he was into girls

1974 Carpenters Singles ’69-’73, How did they beat the Wombles and the Goodies?

1975 Best Of The Stylistics, bet you didn’t see that coming

1976 Abba Greatest Hits, My My…..

1977 Arrival – Abba including Dancing Queen, Money,Money, Knowing Me etc

1978 Saturday Night Fever – OST and the whole world hit the dance floor.

1979 Parallel Lines – Blondie….We want more disco…..aagh Freak Out

1980 Super Trouper – Abba still feeling like number ones

1981 Kings Of The Wild Frontier – Adam & The Ants, unplug the jukebox

1982 Love songs – Barbra Streisand, hello…Duran, Soft Cell, Spandau, Wham, Human League?

1983 Thriller – Michael Jackson….obviously

1984 Can’t Slow Down – Lionel Richie……Where is Queen?

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1985 Brothers In Arms – Dire Straits……No seriously where is Queen?

1986 True Blue – Madonna still no Queen but at least our goddess has finally arrived

1987 Bad – Michael Jackson looking in the mirror, buy some George Michael for chrissake !

1988 Kylie – Kylie Minogue got lucky over at SAW.

1989 Ten Good Reasons – Jason Donovan Mr Pete Waterman still unstoppable (# love U Sonia)

1990 But Seriously – Phil Collins…Never has an album been more accurately titled

1991 Stars – Simply Red…this is not going to be pretty

1992 Stars – Simply Red…again, now you are just taking the piss

1993 Bat Out Of Hell 2 – Meatloaf, what happened to the first Bat?

1994 Crossroads: Best Of Bon Jovi, the decade of dance and rave ….eh, no!

1995 Robson & Jerome – Robson & Jerome win the Blur vs Oasis battle

1996 Jagged Little Pill – Alannis Morrisette now isn’t that Ironic

1997 Be Here Now – Oasis just goes to show you can fool all the people all the time

1998 Talk On Corners – The Corrs…..So the store was sold out of Spice Girls CDs?

1999 Come On Over – Shania Twain, That impresses us

2000 1/Beatles – How many times can you buy the same old songs?

2001 No Angel – Dido, sorry I fell asleep

2002 Escapology – Robbie….love him especially naked…?

2003 Life After Rent – Dido, yep she really was that big….we raise the White Flag

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2004 Scissor Sisters – Scissor Sisters, now what happened to them?

2005 Back To Bedlam – James Blunt….music’s loss is the army’s gain

2006 Eyes Open – Snow Patrol….alternatively you could have just bought the Chasing Cars single

2007 Back To Black – Amy Winehouse. Pass the hairspray

2008 Rockferry – Duffy, come on Beyoncé, GaGa and RiRi you must try harder

2009 I Dreamed A Dream – Susan Boyle, gay guys love their mum’s

2010 Progress – Take That, a man band to masturbate too

2011 21 – Adele, thank god I survived that patchy first album

2012 Our Version Of Events – Emeli Sande well we were a bit busy with the Olympics

2013 Midnight Memories – One Direction… yep still wanking to hot boy bands

2014 X – Ed Sheeran so talented…

2015 25 – Adele just beating sales wise those difficult second albums by PSY and Conchita Wurst.