First dates are much like The Kooples’ mid-season sale – it’s never certain you’ll be taking something home.

Whether you were squiffed out of your brain and sucked faces with a hottie while throwing shapes at East Bloc and swapped numbers, or, you woke up to discover a mystery chap in ya boudoir after a Cinzano-fuelled bender and feel the need to meet again. Or a pal has the perfect match for you and sets up a blind date. And let’s not forget Grindr, Tinder, or Scruff to name but a few.

1) Two-drink rule

Never meet for dinner on the first date – drinks only. If you’re staring into the eyes of Ryan Gosling and your sides hurt from his witty repartee – great, go and fill ya Paul Smith dip-dyed black-leather Claude-boots. You don’t want to be stuck in a situation where your date is as scintillating as Lewis Hamilton and you have to painfully watch him devour a couple of courses before you can scarper. Buy a round each, then off you toddle.

2) Have an early morning excuse up your sleeve

Nowadays, with smartphones, everyone’s David Bailey. You can filter, crop and enhance any snap taken on your iPhone or Android. A lot of men seem to have mastered this art: you think you’re meeting David Gandy and you end up sitting opposite David Hasselhoff. So come prepared for such a situation. If you’re faced with the Hoff, drop into the conversation early on that you’ve an important dawn’s crack meeting, a 7 AM military-style personal training session or you’re having your genital warts removed first thing. The two-drink rule, then you’re out of there.

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3) Finishing the job properly

You’ve executed the two-drink rule, the blind date organised by your chum wasn’t your cup of Manuka honey and Rooibos, and said date has a twitch in is trousers every time he thinks about you. After the night in question arrives the text: “Great to meet you, let’s do it again.” If you’re not interested, don’t string him along with ambiguous messages – and certainly never ignore, that’s just rude. A simple few words: “Lovely to meet you, you’re a really nice guy, but for me, no chemistry – have fun at your second-cousin-twice-removed’s wedding x”.

Job done.

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Follow these three and you’ll avoid long evenings better spent watching QVC, plucking your nose hair or texting guys you don’t really fancy because your Grindr’s gone quiet.

About the author: Thabian Sutherland
I’ve lived in the Old Smoke since 1999 with a career in fashion, fitness and events. I discovered the joys of writing beginning of 2014. Since then I’ve been tapping digits to keys. Subjects include food, theatre, exhibitions, London life and other topics that tickle my taste-buds. Other publications include Timeout, Gay Times and So So Gay Magazine.