Category: In The Know

How to cruise for sex safely and is it legal in the UK?

Everything you need to know before you go out cruising in public.

What are cruising or dogging grounds?

Cruising Grounds are defined as open spaces where men look for sex with other men. They are also known as dogging areas.

These cruising/dogging areas can be parks, lay-bys, beaches and other public spaces. These are known as Public Sex Environments (PSEs)

Cottaging is looking for, or having sex in a public toilet – this includes any toilet which is open to the public such as Theatres, Service stations, Shopping Centres, Cinemas and Transport toilets.

Is it legal to cruise or go dogging in the UK?

There is no specific law against cruising in the UK. Sex in public places is NOT illegal as long as other members of the public cannot see you having sex – or are unlikely to come into contact with you whilst you are engaged in sexual activity.

Police do not have the right to stop and search you for being in or near a cruising ground, unless they suspect you have or are just about to commit a crime.

Police guidelines suggest that police should only respond to complaints made by the public and not to proactively prohibit men from cruising.

However, the police may introduce measures to stop cruising in an area, which Nottinghamshire police recently announced for a famous cruising spot in Mansfield.

Is it legal to have sex in public toilets in the UK?

markusspiske / Pixabay

Cottaging (having and looking for sex in a public toilet) is illegal in the UK, so using any of the listings on this site is entirely at your own risk.

You risk being arrested for cottaging if you are caught in a public toilet, even if you are having sex behind a closed stall door. It is still against the law and you risk criminal proceedings if you are caught.

In some areas of the UK police patrol public toilets which are known for cottaging.

What to do if you’re arrested while having sex in a public toilet

Always ask to speak to the duty solicitor at the police station before being interviewed or accepting a caution.

A caution or conviction will result in a criminal record for a sexual offence which you will have to disclose in any criminal record checks.

How to cruise/ go dogging safely

Your safety is paramount. Cruising grounds have been known to harbour individuals who would like to harm you. It may be wise to carry a rape alarm and to be extra vigilant, especially in the dark. You should get to know your local cruising ground, finding out the exits, dead ends and shortcuts.

If you take your car to a cruising/dogging ground, keep your valuables out of sight or leave them at home.

Always make sure you’ve brought plenty of lube and condoms.

You always have the right to say no to the sex you don’t want. Make sure you know your own boundaries and stick to them. If you find yourself forced into an uncomfortable situation move away or leave the area.

If you are attacked get help by calling out for help.

24th May 2020
What is Docking and how do you do it?

Docking or cock-docking as it is sometimes known is a great way of changing up your gay sex life – and best of all, it is totally gay! None of that heteronormative stuff – nope, you definitely need two cocks for docking.

In order to take part in docking one of the cock owners will need a foreskin – because essentially they will be placing their foreskin over the head of their partner’s cock head.

Or to put it another way, one guy puts the head of his dick into the other guy’s foreskin.

And voila. That’s it. That’s docking.

One of you will probably also need a foreskin that has a bit of stretch to it to achieve a full dock, although you can experiment with different types of erections. Some may find it easier to dock if they are semi-erect.

Can you dock without a foreskin?

Well, actually there is a way you can try docking if neither guy has a foreskin, but you will need some assistance from a masturbator, like the Linx Glacier Dual End Stroker Male Masturbator.

It is open-ended which means you can both put your dicks into the stroker and get a new and exciting sensation.

So what does Docking feel like? >>> NEXT PAGE

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22nd May 2020
Are there gay cruising grounds in Aberdeen?

Whether you love or loathe the idea of anonymous outdoor gay sex, it’s hard to escape the fact that gay cruising grounds are all around us.

You probably don’t even know, but from where you’re sitting or standing right now there’s probably a cruising or dogging ground just metres away from you in Aberdeen, and they’re a hangover from more homophobic times in the UK.

Gay cruising is not a new phenomenon. It dates back to when sex between men was illegal in the UK. Finding a place where two men could be intimate with each other without too many questions being raised was tricky until it was realised that men’s public toilets were a perfect place.

These were named cottages because they actually used to look like quaint little cottages.

The act of finding sex in these public conveniences became known as “cottaging“.

The sex between men who would frequent a cottage would usually be anonymous. Gloryholes, a hole drilled between stalls in public toilets became a way in which this sex could remain faceless.

To this day there are loads of cottages and cruising grounds in Aberdeen and in wider Aberdeenshire.

Cottaging and cruising etiquette

Generally speaking, not a lot of talking goes on when cruising. A series of looks and gestures would let others know what you were up to. At urinals, guys would stand, playing with themselves subtly to let others know that they were up for some play. Then if the feeling is mutual the pair could make their way to a cubicle for more privacy.

At cruising grounds, much of the same would happen, except the action took place away from public footpaths.

Is Cottaging Ilegal in the UK?

Cottaging is illegal in the United Kingdom under the Sexual Offences Act 2003 and applies to both heterosexual and homosexual acts.

The Sexual Offences Act 2003 doesn’t say however that sex in a public place is illegal. Cruising grounds and cottaging are two different spaces. Cruising grounds are defined as open spaces, where men can hook up with men, or straight couples can meet for sex (often referred to as dogging), as long as no members of the public can see you.

You risk being arrested if reported by a member of the public. If this happens you have the right to legal advice from an on-duty solicitor at the police station. If convicted you could be sentenced to 6 months in prison and /or a fine.

14th May 2020
Gay Dating | What does “cut/uncut” mean?

One of the options you’ll find on many dating / hook up apps to help describe yourself to would-be partners is a question about whether you’re cut or uncut.

Sometimes, “cut” can mean how well defined your muscles are, but in this case, they are talking about your cock.

Simply put, Cut is for those guys who don’t have a foreskin, whilst Uncut is for guys who still have their foreskins or “intact”.

How common is being “cut”

Across Europe and many parts of the world, guys are still intact, whereas in North America up to 75 per cent of guys are circumcised – usually for no medical reasons.

However, some men have to have circumcisions due to a foreskin that doesn’t roll back, which can make erections and intercourse quite painful. It can also affect how well you are able to clean the head of his penis.

Of course, some religious people are circumcised such as Jewish and Muslim males.

There is a growing call for non-medical circumcision in young boys and men to be treated in the same way as Female Genital Mutilation.

In a recent poll conducted by THEGAYUK.com over 70 per cent of people, who voted, said that non-medical circumcision should be made illegal.

Currently, in the UK, the practice of religious or cultural FGM is illegal, while the religious or cultural circumcision for males is still sanctioned by the Government. It is thought that less than 20 per cent of males are circumcised in the UK.

Check out more gay dating terms.

12th May 2020
Are there any gay saunas open during the Covid-19 lockdown?

As with many businesses the UK’s government has said that all non-essential shops and venues open to the public should not be open during the lockdown to “flatten the curve” of the coronavirus.

Since the last week of March 2020, many businesses and services that were open to the general public across the UK have been ordered to shut including many shops and venues deemed not essential.

The ruling applies to massage parlours, gyms and other health resorts – so unfortunately if you’re looking for an open gay sauna, you’ll be hard-pressed to find one open – and if you do, it’s most likely operating outside of the Government’s guidelines.

When can we expect gay bars and saunas to reopen?

The Government is expected to review its lockdown policy on the 7th May – and will make decisions about the types of businesses which will be allowed to reopen.

It’s unlikely however that gyms and health spas will be high on the priority list for the Government to allow opening.

Bars and clubs are also low on the priority list of business expected to be allowed to open once the UK’s lockdown is eased.

6th May 2020
Where is Davey Wavey’s porn studio? What is it called?

If you’ve not heard yet, YouTube sensation Davey Wavey has started his own porn studio called Himeros, with the aim of making better gay porn.

He hopes that by “watching other men explore sex” that guys will “learn new ways to improve (their) own sexual experiences and fulfilment”

As most gay, bi and curious men learn about sex through gay porn (because let’s face it schools aren’t teaching us this stuff during sex ed) Davey is challenging the porn industry to up its game.

With each video, the studio uploads the aim to push the boundaries beyond what mainstream gay porn has become. With Himeros you’ll find a wide diversity of guys, all colours, shapes, sizes and ages.

And it’s not just videos, but also podcast content that you can listen to as well. Each week, Davey and his co-creator and intimacy coach Finn Deerhart, chat with porns stars who star in their films, or special guests to help people understand the story and ethos behind the videos the studio releases.

Find out more by visiting Himeros.tv

11th April 2020
What’s the best way to clean your rectum for sex or prostate massage

Making sure your back passage is clear from poop is one of the main worries for guys who are interested in anal sex, pegging, finger play or prostate massage. So what’s the best way to make sure you’re clean down there?

The bodyclock

Image by Mylene2401 from Pixabay

The least hands-on approach to being clean is all about timing. Knowing when your likely to have a clean passage. This is usually in between your regular poops. However, it’s not very reliable because it’s all very dependent on what you’ve eaten in the last 24-48 hours and how much fibre and hydration you’ve had.

There’s also still a chance that you’ll have poo inside your rectum, even after you go, which could lead to chucks being dislodged during play – which let’s face it nobody wants.

If you’re keen to be really confident, then you’ll have do some douching.

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NEXT: Manual Douching

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7th April 2020
Here’s why you keep waking up with erections

It’s there, first thing… like an overly eager TGI Friday’s server… waiting to take your order, but why do guys get erections first thing in the morning?

It’s just a part of life, you wake up and your little fella is already up – aching to be unleashed and go forth into the day, but why do we get these erections?

Here are five reasons you could be waking up with an erection every morning.

1) They aren’t actually morning erections

They are actually night-time ones, called Nocturnal Penile Tumescence. The average man, without erectile dysfunction, has around three to five full lob ons during the night according to the NHS website, each one lasting up to 35 minutes.

2) It’s thought to be caused by the REM (rapid eye movement) part of your sleep.

CREDIT: Dmytro-Sidelnikov-bigstock

The part of your brain that releases norepinephrine located in the locus coeruleus is switched off which could result in boners. The REM cycle tends to happen just before you wake up.

3) Testosterone levels are at their highest in the AM.

And that can be attached to how randy you feel. Although testosterone doesn’t cause your duvet pole, it could make you think naughty thoughts – which will lead to a stiffy.

4) Some people think it’s to stop you wetting the bed…

Peeing with a raging horn is more difficult so it can perhaps, some suggest, prevent bed-wetting, we’re not convinced.

5) Full bladder

A full bladder could be the reason you’re waking with a stonker. It can stimulate part of the spinal cord that could bring on a reflex erection.

29th March 2020
If you’re on PrEP medication can you just stop taking it?

If you’re on PrEP but you’ve decided that you’re no longer hooking up with other guys during the COVID-19 lockdown, we answer whether it is safe to just stop taking the meds.

It’s official, well actually doctor’s orders, you really shouldn’t be having sex with anyone new to you and outside of your current living arrangement during the coronavirus outbreak.

The medical director of Terrence Higgins Trust, Doctor Michael Brady, warned yesterday that people have to stop hooking up during the Government-mandated Covid-19 lockdown.

But if you’re currently on a course of PrEP medication and you’ve decided to heed his words, is it safe to just stop taking them?

Can you just stop taking PrEP?

According to THT, many people will be choosing not to take PrEP during lockdown, which is okay, providing you don’t have a specific need like you’re having sex with a partner who has a detectable viral load.

Guidance from THT states, if you’re a gay / bi cis-male “it’s safe to stop taking PrEP as long as you stop after two full days after you last had sex”.

If you’re a trans woman, a cis-female, trans man or someone who identifies as non-binary it is advised you wait until seven full days, after you last had sex, before stopping PrEP.

How can I start on PrEP again?

Is it safe to just stop taking PrEP medication?

According to THT advice, “When you’re ready to re-start PrEP, cis gay and bisexual men can re-start with a double dose taken two to 24 hours before sex. For everyone else, you need to re-start with a daily dose for seven days before having sex again”.

Of course, if you’re concerned about your medication and want further guidance, you should speak to your GP or sexual health advisors.

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The Saving Lives charity has given the readers of THEGAYUK.com a free offer – when you use GAYUK20 you can get an HIV Self Test sent to your home. Just click here to order your HIV Self Test Kit today.

27th March 2020
Gay Dating | What does “bottom” or btm mean?

Well, it could mean a variety of things to a variety of people, but generally, the “bottom” is the guy who is the receptive partner in anal sex. Although it could be a label for someone who is more sub within sex.

So the guy who’s underneath (or on top if you’re doing the cowboy) is known as the “bottom”. The giver is known as the “Top”. Not everybody likes the terms “top” or “bottom” for some being a bottom is seen as less than, more subservient or more effeminate, but some, like Big Brother US star Ragan Fox, have empowered the word and meaning by calling themselves, “power bottoms”.

Otherwise, you could go with giver and givee, catcher and pitcher or just their names… (no labels!)

Apparently, there’s quite a bit of stigma attached to being a bottom. A survey found sixty per cent of readers thought that there was or weren’t sure if there was a stigma attached to bottoming or being the receiving partner during penetrative sex.

Only 40 per cent said no there wasn’t a stigma.

Check out more gay dating terms.

25th March 2020
Gay Dating | What does ASL stand for?

If you’re in your twenties then you might not remember a time when we used to have to use a dialup modem to get onto the internet, use the house phone line, and the only way to really get photos online was to scan actual photos – yep, printed pieces of paper, which used to always scan upside down for some reason.

It was a ball ache and took ages – and that’s if the website you were using accepted photos. So most people didn’t bother.

Therefore it was very common to start a chat conversation, with a random person, with the acronym “ASL”, which simply means Age, Sex Location. A super-quick way to discover if the person you were talking to was your vibe.

Thanks to smartphones and gay dating apps, like Grindr location and sex are pretty much taken care of, however, you might still need to ask his age, if that kind of thing is important to you.

ASL can also stand for American Sign Language, so it could also mean that, particularly if you’re in the US, that the person you’re messaging can sign.

Check out more gay dating terms.

25th March 2020