The decision to watch porn while having sex is a personal one that should be made by both partners.
Some couples find that watching porn together can be a fun and exciting way to enhance their sexual experience, while others may not be comfortable with it. It’s important to communicate with your partner and make sure that both of you are on the same page about watching porn during sex.
However, it’s important to remember that porn can sometimes create unrealistic expectations about sex, and it can also be addictive for some people. It’s also important to make sure that the porn you’re watching is ethical and consensual. If you or your partner feel uncomfortable or have any concerns about watching porn during sex, it’s important to discuss them openly and honestly.
Ultimately, the decision to watch porn during sex should be based on mutual consent and respect for each other’s boundaries.
We of course reached out to Twitter followers to find out what they think!
What are the downfalls of watching gay porn during sex?
Yes, there can be potential downsides to watching porn during sex. Some of the potential negative consequences of watching porn during sex include:
1. Decreased intimacy: Watching porn can create a sense of distance between partners and can detract from the intimacy of the sexual experience.
2. Unrealistic expectations: Porn can create unrealistic expectations about sex, which can lead to disappointment or frustration if those expectations are not met.
3. Addiction: Watching porn can become addictive for some people, which can interfere with their ability to have healthy relationships and sexual experiences.
4. Objectification: Pornography can objectify and dehumanize the people depicted in it, which can lead to a lack of respect for partners and their bodies.
5. Lack of communication: Watching porn during sex can sometimes be a substitute for genuine communication and exploration of each other’s desires and needs.
It’s important to note that not everyone will experience these downsides, and some couples may find that watching porn together can be a positive and enjoyable experience.
Are there upsides to watching porn during sex?
While there can be potential downsides to watching porn during sex, some couples may find that it can also have upsides, including:
Exploration: Watching porn together can provide an opportunity for couples to explore new sexual ideas and activities that they may not have considered before.
Sexual arousal: Porn can be a source of sexual arousal for some people, which can enhance the overall sexual experience.
Variety: Watching porn can add variety to a couple’s sexual routine and can help keep things interesting and exciting.
Mutual enjoyment: When both partners are on board with watching porn together, it can be a shared experience that both parties enjoy.
Improved communication: Watching porn together can facilitate communication about sexual preferences and desires, which can lead to a more fulfilling sexual experience.
Dating can be a rollercoaster ride of emotions filled with ups and downs. But there’s a difference between the occasional bump in the road and a toxic relationship that needs to come to an end. If you’re feeling drained, unhappy, and unsure where your relationship is headed, it could be time to take a closer look at your boyfriend’s behaviour. Here are ten signs that your boyfriend is toxic, and it’s time to end things.
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Is your boyfriend toxic?
The first step in addressing toxic behaviour is acknowledging it. No one deserves to be treated poorly, and if your boyfriend is exhibiting any of these signs, it’s time to take a closer look at the relationship.
Feeling drained and unhappy?
Relationships should bring joy and fulfilment, not constant stress and anxiety. If you’re feeling drained, unhappy, or like you’re always walking on eggshells around your partner, it’s a clear sign something needs to change. Don’t be afraid to put yourself first and prioritize your own well-being.
Here are 10 signs to watch for:
1. He’s always critical of you
Negative comments, constant criticism, and belittling behaviour are all red flags of a toxic relationship. Your partner should make you feel loved, appreciated, and valued, not the opposite.
2. He isolates you from friends and family
If your boyfriend tries to control who you spend time with or isolates you from your loved ones, it’s a clear sign of toxic behaviour. Isolation is a tactic used by abusers to assert their control over their partners.
3. He constantly blames you for everything
A toxic partner will never take responsibility for their actions or apologize for their mistakes. Instead, they’ll blame you for everything wrong in the relationship.
4. He’s manipulative and controlling
Manipulative and controlling actions are a clear sign of toxicity, and it can take many forms, from gaslighting to emotional blackmail.
5. You’re always walking on eggshells
If you feel like you’re constantly walking on eggshells around your boyfriend or afraid to express your opinions, it’s a clear sign of a toxic relationship. Your partner should encourage your growth and respect your boundaries.
6. He’s jealous and possessive
Jealous and possessive behaviour is another common sign of a toxic relationship. A healthy relationship is built on trust, not jealousy.
7. He’s emotionally abusive
Emotional abuse can be just as damaging as physical abuse, and it takes many forms, from verbal abuse to manipulation to gaslighting.
8. He’s unfaithful or dishonest
Infidelity and dishonesty are clear signs of a toxic relationship, and they can cause irreparable damage to trust and intimacy.
9. He refuses to take responsibility
A toxic partner will never admit to wrongdoing, take responsibility for their actions, or apologize for hurting you.
10. He refuses to change
If your boyfriend refuses to acknowledge his toxic behaviour or take steps to change it, it’s a clear sign that the relationship needs to come to an end.
Time to end things and move on!
Remember, you deserve to be treated with love, respect, and kindness in any relationship. If your boyfriend is exhibiting any of these toxic signs, it’s time, if it’s safe to do so, to end things and move on. Keeping safe is your priority, so keep friends and family informed of what you want and what you’re planning to do.
Sometimes ending a toxic relationship can be scary or painful, but ultimately it’s the healthiest choice for you and your future.
ATM stands for “Ass to Mouth,” which is a sexual act where the penis or another object is inserted into the anus and then put into the mouth without washing or disinfecting it in between.
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It is considered a risky sexual activity due to the potential for bacterial infection, and should be approached with caution and proper hygiene practices.
Do gay men do ATM more often then straight people?
There is no evidence to suggest that gay men engage in ass-to-mouth any more or less frequently than any other demographic. However since more gay men partake in anal sex it is likely that gay, bi, and men who have sex with men engage in ass-to-mouth action.
It is important to remember that sexual preferences and behaviors are highly individual and vary widely among individuals of all sexual orientations. Additionally, it is worth noting that any sexual activity, including ATM, carries a risk of bacterial infection and should be approached with caution and proper hygiene practices.
What are the risks of ATM?
The risks of ATM are real… so be careful!
Engaging in ass-to-mouth sexual activity can carry a number of potential risks, including the transmission of bacterial infections. This is because the rectum and anus naturally contain a large amount of bacteria, some of which can be harmful if introduced into the mouth or other parts of the body. Some specific risks may include:
Bacterial infections: If bacteria from the anus or rectum are introduced into the mouth or throat, it can lead to infections such as gonorrhea, chlamydia, syphilis, or E. coli.
STI transmission: Engaging in ATM can also increase the risk of transmitting sexually transmitted infections (STIs) like HIV, hepatitis A, and hepatitis B.
Oral health risks: In addition to the risk of bacterial infections and STI transmission, ATM can also potentially lead to oral health issues like gum disease, tooth decay, and bad breath.
Is there an ATM emoji?
Not really, but you could use this sequence to suggest you’re into ass to mouth. 🍑🍆👄, but you know it’s probs quicker to write ATM.
Who came up with the term ATM?
It’s unclear who exactly coined the term “ATM” for the sexual act of “ass to mouth.” Like many sexual terms and phrases, its origins are difficult to trace and likely developed over time within certain sexual communities.
Listen up, sweetie – emojis are no longer just cute little icons to spruce up your messages. They’re a powerhouse of expression that can make or break any conversation.
Need to add some sugar to a potentially awkward message? Choose your emojis wisely – not all are created equal, you know. And if you want to keep things interesting, toss in the most random emoji you can find and watch as your group chat loses their minds. But let’s be real, we all know what the real MVP of emojis is: the horny ones. Whether you’re trying to turn up the heat in your sexting game or simply wanna make your man know that you’re ready and waiting, a well-placed horny emoji can work wonders. Just remember, with great emoji power comes great emoji responsibility.
Not all horny emojis are created equal. Some are so blatantly, unapologetically horny that even your grandpa would know what you’re up to. But don’t underestimate the power of the sneaky emojis – the ones that carry a subtle, sexy undertone. It’s actually pretty impressive how we’ve managed to turn innocent little images into filthy symbols of our depravity. I mean, who could have predicted that a peach and an eggplant would one day become the most sexually charged emojis on our keyboards? Definitely not us, that’s for sure. It just goes to show that when it comes to our collective gutter-mindedness, the possibilities are endless.
Let’s be real, the peach 🍑 and eggplant 🍆 have been hogging the horny emoji spotlight for way too long. It’s time to give some credit to the sneaky little numbers hiding in your emoji keyboard, just waiting for their chance to shine. Sure, they may not scream “I’m horny!”, but that’s the beauty of them – they provide a subtle, understated hint of sexiness that can take your conversation to the next level. Trust me, when used correctly, these innocent little pics can pack a powerful punch of suggestiveness. So don’t overlook them – give these low-key sexual emojis a chance to show what they’re made of.
The golden shower ⭐️🚿
Oh, the shower emoji – innocent enough on its own, but connect the dots and things get steamy real quick. When you add the gold star, your shower time can mean only one thing. But here’s the thing: this emoji should only be used with caution. Save it for partners who know the deal, or when you’re feeling bold enough to give a detailed description of your shower shenanigans. Trust me, you don’t want to accidentally send this one to your boss or your grandma. Unless they’re into that kind of thing, in which case, go ahead and live your best life.
The Man Kneeling 🧎🏼
If you’re in a sub/dom relationship and you’re texting your dominant partner, there’s one emoji that speaks volumes without even needing an explanation. I’m talking about the collar emoji, folks. You know what it means, your partner knows what it means, and everyone else can just mind their own business. It’s a simple yet powerful symbol of submission, and when used in the right context, it can be seriously hot. So go ahead and embrace your inner submissive – just make sure you’re sending this emoji to the right person.
Give him the bone 🦴
Let’s be real, the bone emoji is just as (if not more) obvious than the infamous eggplant. It’s the perfect choice when referring to their boner, peen, or how hard they are or might be. It’s also great for alluding to the next time you’re getting it on, reminiscing about the last time you got down and dirty, or expressing just how badly you want to jump their bones. I mean, it’s right there in the name – the bone emoji practically screams “I’m horny!”. Also great if you’re into pup play!
Pinched fingers 🤌
Now, you’d think the fist would be the perfect emoji for fisting, but apparently, it’s the pinched fingers.
The screw and the hammer 🔩
Let’s talk tools, shall we? When it comes to horny emojis, the screw and hammer are two classic options that speak for themselves. The screw emoji may not be the sexiest-looking symbol out there, but it’s a great alternative to the more explicit words like “fuck” and “bang”. Send it to your FWB out of the blue and they’ll definitely get the message. As for the hammer emoji, it’s another tool that can be used to tell your partner exactly what you want – namely, for them to come “pound” you. There’s really no ambiguity here, folks. So whether you’re into screwing or hammering (or both), these emojis are here to help you get your point across.
Cum on then 💦
It’s not just sweat, it’s not just spray, it’s the 💦 emoji – a true master of horny subtlety. Is it a little bit of sweat after a hot and steamy session? Is it a naughty reference to cum? Or is it just a playful way to hint at your naughty intentions without being too explicit? The beauty of this emoji is that it can mean all of the above, and more. It’s a little droplet of mystery that leaves your recipient wondering just how wet things are going to get.
Bareback 💦🍑
Yep… but you kinda knew this already didn’t you?
Rimjob? 🍑😛
So if rimming is your thing and you wanna show that you want it, you put the peach on the left (you) and the tongue on the right. If you want to do the rimming then you put the tongue on the right and each on the left 😛🍑. Simple hey!?
The salute 🫡
Is it a cock or is it a hand? Either way, we’re happy. On one hand, it means we’re getting some peen to the face, on the other, it means we’re happy to obey you, master.
Have you ever wondered if there is such a thing as a penis too big for a gay man? It’s a question that has long been debated in the gay community, with some claiming that there is no such thing as a “big penis” and others believing that there are limits to how large a penis can be before it becomes uncomfortable. In this blog post, we will discuss the topic of a “big penis” and whether or not there is such a thing as a penis too big for a gay man. We will explore the opinions of both sides and provide insights on the topic.
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The answer may surprise you
When it comes to the size of a penis, not all gay men agree on what is too big. In fact, some gay men even joke about how large penises can be a blessing in disguise. The extra girth and length of a large penis can make it easier for a man to reach new heights of pleasure with his partner. However, it’s important to remember that penis size doesn’t necessarily equate to sexual pleasure, so having an overly large penis may not be the most beneficial thing for a gay man’s sex life.
The pros and cons of a large penis
Are there pros and cons of having a big penis?
When it comes to sex between gay men, the size of a man’s penis can be a source of pleasure and angst. For those who enjoy bottoming, a larger penis can feel better for anal stimulation and prostate play. On the other hand, a larger penis may be more likely to cause an anal fissure or other discomfort. Obviously, there’s the visual aspect, especially when you’re on your knees and a giant phallus is waving in your face, but let’s not forget that big things can become a choking hazard or even can cause significant damage to your throat as one man learned in 2018.
The pros of a large penis include increased stimulation for bottoms during sex. A larger penis can fill up a person more and make it easier to find and stimulate the prostate. This can result in more intense orgasms and longer-lasting pleasure.
On the other hand, there are some drawbacks associated with larger penises. The size may make it more difficult to penetrate, which can cause pain and discomfort. The tightness can also put too much pressure on the anus and a bad session or overdoing it could result in an anal fissure.
In some cases, it may also cause one partner to feel uncomfortable or insecure due to the size difference.
Men with large johnsons can also find themselves viewed solely as sexual objects – and risk becoming fetishised or objectified. Pretty insulting when your cock is just one (proportionally speaking) small part of you.
Ultimately, it’s important to communicate with your partner about size preferences. Experimenting with different positions and using plenty of lube can help to make sex more enjoyable for both partners regardless of size. Finding the right balance between comfort and pleasure is key for having enjoyable sex regardless of penis size.
Tips for dealing with a large penis
If you have a large penis, there are some techniques and tools you can use to make sex more comfortable for both you and your partner. Here are some of our tips:
Use Lube – Lubricant is essential for anal sex and other kinds of penetrative sex. It helps reduce friction and makes it much easier to penetrate without causing pain or discomfort.
Try Different Positions – Some positions are better for people with large penises than others. The missionary position is usually a good choice as the receiver can control the depth of penetration. Other popular positions that work well with a larger penis include doggy style, spooning, and side-by-side.
Use a Dildo or Butt Plug – If you’re not quite ready to penetrate your partner with your own penis, you can use a dildo or butt plug as an alternative. These sex toys come in a variety of sizes and can help you get used to the feeling of something larger.
Take it Slow – Rushing into anal sex or any kind of penetration can be painful or uncomfortable. Take your time and start with some foreplay or other kinds of pleasure before trying to penetrate your partner.
Use Poppers – Poppers are a type of drug that relaxes muscles and increases blood flow, making anal sex more pleasurable for both partners. Just make sure to use them safely and according to the instructions on the bottle. Dealing with a large penis doesn’t have to be intimidating or uncomfortable. With the right knowledge and preparation, you can make sure both you and your partner enjoy the experience.
The psychology behind why some men prefer large cocks
When it comes to gay men and big penises, there is more than meets the eye. For some, a larger penis can represent an increased sense of power and dominance, while the size may symbolize acceptance and belonging for others. But what does this mean when it comes to sex?
Our Sexpert Patrick Devon told us, “For many gay men, the thought of having their anus stretched open by a large penis can be both thrilling and intimidating. This sensation of “gaping” their anus is sometimes is something a lot of bottoms strive for, because it’s seen as a challenge… One they want to excel in!
“While it can be uncomfortable and even painful at times, some gay men find that being dominated and having their ass “wrecked” by a larger penis can be incredibly pleasurable. In some cases, the size of the penis can even become a point of pride among partners, with some people referring to this phenomenon as “size queens.
“And then there’s cock worship. That feeling of taking in something bigger than ourselves… it can be quite a religious moment for many men when they kneel at the church of cock. Sometimes men want to be dominated, made to feel that they are only there to please. It kind of makes sense when you think about it. In society, (now I know this is a generalisation) men are conditioned to be strong, in control and in charge, but what if when you get home you just want to feel a little more subordinate, a little more controlled? Well taking the big penis orally or anally, is definitely one way of giving in to something bigger than you”.
Devon finishes by saying, “Ultimately, it’s important to remember that everyone is different, and not all gay men are necessarily attracted to big penises. Everyone has their own preferences, but understanding why some people might have an affinity for large penises can help us to understand our own desires better.”
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Pegging is a sexual trend that has been gaining traction in recent years. It involves one partner wearing a strap-on dildo and penetrating a man anally. The man receiving the pleasure is known as the “peggee,” while the other partner is known as the “pegger.” While pegging can seem intimidating at first, it has become increasingly popular for couples who are looking to spice up their sex life and explore new sexual experiences. So if you’re curious about getting pegged or being the pegger and want to know more, read on to learn why it’s becoming so popular.
What is pegging?
Pegging is a type of anal play where one partner wears a strap-on and penetrates the other partner’s anus with it. This is usually done by a woman penetrating a man, but it can also be done with any gender combination. Pegging allows people to explore different sexual activities and can be incredibly pleasurable for both partners. It can also provide deeper psychological satisfaction, as it can be seen as a power exchange, where the receiving partner relinquishes control to the penetrating partner. The most common way to do pegging is with a butt plug or dildo attached to a harness that is strapped around the penetrating partner’s waist or hips. The harness helps to ensure that the strap-on stays securely in place, allowing for maximum pleasure and precision during the activity. Pegging can be an incredibly erotic experience for both partners, as it can provide intense pleasure for the receiver and a feeling of dominance for the giver.
The history of pegging
The art of the peg is a sexual practice that has become more popular in recent years. It involves a woman (or a man) using a strap-on dildo to penetrate their partner anally. The practice is thought to have originated in the gay community, where anal sex has been a part of sexual expression for centuries.
The term “pegging” was coined in 2001 by sex columnist Dan Savage, who described it as “a kinky way of switching roles during sex and flipping traditional gender roles.” Since then, pegging has gained in popularity, both within the LGBTQ community and among heterosexual couples.
In order to perform pegging, you will need a strap-on dildo, lube and a comfortable place to do it. It is important to go slow when trying out pegging, as the butt is not used to being penetrated and may require more time to adjust. Additionally, using lube can help reduce friction and make it more enjoyable for both partners. Some people may find that using a butt plug before pegging can help prepare the area and make it easier to penetrate.
Pegging is becoming more mainstream and accepted as an enjoyable part of a healthy sex life. This trend reflects an increasing awareness that there are many different ways to experience pleasure and that everyone should be free to explore their sexuality without judgment.
Why do men like pegging?
Why do some men love pegging?
This practice is a form of anal play that has become increasingly popular in the past few years. Pegging involves using a strap-on dildo to penetrate the anus of a man. This practice is not exclusive to gay men and can be enjoyed by heterosexual men too and nope, that doesn’t make them gay!
The appeal of pegging can be attributed to the intense stimulation it provides. The prostate, or ‘male g-spot’, located just a few inches inside the anus, is highly sensitive and can provide a unique sensation when stimulated. Many men find that pegging can lead to powerful and enjoyable orgasms. Additionally, pegging can provide a feeling of surrendering power which many find liberating.
For men who enjoy anal sex, pegging provides another way to enjoy bum fun. Pegging does not require a partner to perform oral sex or manual stimulation, so it can be an ideal way for men who are uncomfortable with those activities to enjoy anal pleasure. It can also be a great way to experience anal penetration without needing to use lubricant or wear a condom.
In conclusion, there are many reasons why men like pegging. From the intense stimulation of the prostate, to the feeling of power and liberation it can provide, pegging has become a popular choice for men looking to spice up their sex lives. Whether you’re into anal play or just looking to try something new, pegging may be just the thing you’ve been looking for.
How to peg your man
Inserting a dildo or butt plug can be an incredibly pleasurable experience for both partners. There’s a lot going on during this activity, not just the physical actions, but the mental and emotional stuff that’s going on as well. Power play, dominance, submission.
But before you get started, there are a few things you should know about how to peg your man.
Our sexpert Patrick Devon tell us, “First, make sure you’ve got the right equipment. In addition to the strap-on dildo, you might need poppers to help relax the anal muscles and lube to reduce friction. You may also want to have a butt plug on hand as well.
“Second, set the mood. This can involve anything from lighting candles to playing your favorite tunes. Whatever it is that helps your partner feel comfortable and relaxed is what you should go with.
“Third, start slow. As with any type of sexual activity, it’s important to ease into it and let your partner take control of the pace. Start with manual stimulation and oral sex before introducing the strap-on dildo. Use plenty of lube and take your time.
“Finally, don’t forget about communication. Being pegged can be an intense experience and it’s important to make sure your partner is always comfortable and having a good time. Make sure to talk openly about what feels good, what doesn’t, and what you want to try next.”
By following these simple steps, you and your partner can enjoy a fun, fulfilling ‘up the butt’ experience. With patience and a little creativity, it can be one of the most pleasurable activities you do together.
Are there benefits of being pegged?
As it involves stimulating the prostate, we’re gonna say yes!
The prostate is a walnut-sized gland located about three inches inside the rectum, and can be incredibly pleasurable when stimulated. For men, pegging can result in intense orgasms, a sensation of fullness, and improved ejaculatory control. Additionally, some studies suggest that frequent prostate massage can help to reduce the risk of prostate cancer.
Pegging can also improve communication between partners. As it requires a degree of trust and communication, partners will likely learn more about each other’s likes and dislikes during the experience. This can lead to a stronger connection between both partners and a more satisfying sex life overall.
Finally, this whole peg thing can be incredibly fun and exciting for those who are open to experimenting with different forms of sexual pleasure. Couples who engage in it may find themselves feeling more connected, satisfied, and open to trying other things in the bedroom.
One Twitter user has called upon all bottoms to stop shaving their asses; well, as you might imagine people have thoughts. The viral Tweet, has now been viewed nearly 500k times and has over 200 comments from those who agree with the sentiment and those who are appalled by the idea of not shaving their bums.
The Tweet reads, in all caps, “BOTTOMS PLEASE STOP SHAVING YOUR ASS”.
One user noted that he waxed because it made him feel more confident, suggesting that having a tidy hole made bottoming easier and made them feel much more confident, while another added that he wasn’t shaving for no man.
Another user wanted bottoms to shave because he was afraid that “berries” might be lurking we suspect he’s talking about what we like to call “chumber nuts.” Yep, that’s when a person gets poop or toilet paper stuck in the hairs around their butthole.
Do tops actually like a hairy hole?
One man shared that he had never met anyone who liked his hairy butt and that he always gets asked to shave.
But one person, perhaps the voice of reason within this whole (pardon the pun) said, “Bottoms should do whatever they want to and not listen to tops.”
However, one Top, did suggest a compromise saying, “I like smooth. I like hairy. But if I can’t even see the skin of your crack because of the hair that’s too hairy for me. Trim it for me please? It’s also easy to keep yourself clean, doesn’t clog up my shower drain, and I don’t have to flush pubes out of my teeth.”
Of course, we had to get to the bottom (this time the pun was intentional) of this trixy question. Do tops want hairy or non-hairy butts. We obviously went full scientistic on this and conducted a Twitter survey.
Even if you’re swinging from chandeliers or getting so freaky in bed that even Marilyn Manson wants out, there are still rules about what and what not to say to your partner.
These guys on Reddit have shared the funniest and worst things they’ve ever been called during sexytime. The post opens with a story from a guy who reveals that after a few hours (!!!!) of sex, the guy who was topping him calls him a “pillow-biting pufta”. The result was an immediate loss of erection and fits of laughter and coughing. It turns out he’d ever heard of the word pufta or the term “pillow biting”. Some of us lead such sheltered lives, don’t we?
Well, the top also then snorted with laughter and what with the poppers and pot they had been taking – sex ended for the night.
When he relayed the story to a friend, his friend told of an even worse moment, when the guy he was topping, looked at him directly in the eye (they were in missionary) and said “Aww yeah man! Pack that fudge!”
… I mean WTF.
This obviously got the boys on the thread talking. Here are some of the worse / funniest things that someone has said during sex.
Whispering sweet nothings or something that’s a total turn off? Wavebreak-Media-Ltd-bigstock
I have a big bootie and a guy once was topping me and he suddenly slapped my butt and said: “Look at the size of those baps! McDonald’s would be jealous! The worst part is that after sex he gave me 10 bucks and told me to get myself a sandwich or something” (via)
“Daddy.” That fucking floored me. He was a young man I’d been dating/fucking for a few months, and out of nowhere he suddenly called me “Daddy” during sex one day. I was literally old enough to be his father, but there was no lead-up to this, and no indication that he had a daddy fetish. But, then: “Fuck me, Daddy!” That brought things to a crashing halt for me.”
I lost the mood because of something a guy said during sex was many years earlier with another young man. I was in the middle of fucking him when he started saying “I wish I was a woman so I could have your baby.” Did THAT ever kill the mood! (via)
As the nights draw in a brand new Cuffing Season is upon us, but what exactly is “Cuffing Season”
(C) BIGSTOCK
Cold days – Check, Dark Afternoons – Check, Rainy Weather – Check, Mariah Carey has come out of her annual retirement – Check. It can only mean one thing. The big C word is upon us. Nope not Christmas but Cuffing Season.
Cuffing season; refers to the winter months, when people who are usually happily single start to seek a committed relationship.
With the days getting shorter and the nights longer, the temperature dropping and the trees becoming bare, it’s the perfect time for cozy nights in with your loved one, building a relationship. It is the optimal time of year for past partners to creep up on you, too.
One of the problems about Cuffing Season is that it might bring some of your exes out of the woodwork! If an ex-partner is single, they might try to come back to you to spend these cozy nights in with you – which might be nice in the short term but could be highly toxic if you’ve not managed to sort out the reasons you split in the first place!
Clinical psychologist Seth Meyers explains that “our energy levels are lower during the colder weather and we are moodier’” so we have less motivation to organise interesting dates.
“This, coupled with poor winter weather, means we have fewer places to go and things to do. This makes us seek out an easier option, such as a past partner.”
A reader confided with us that he’s slept with hundreds of men – and wonders whether if that’s normal or whether he is a sex addict. Experts from 56 Dean Street take the question
Dear 56DS and TGUK
I’m in my mid 20s and I’m a bit of sex lover. I’ve probably been with over 700 guys in the last 2 years, which makes my friends laugh, but I think I’m a bit addicted to it.
Some of the sex has been whilst drunk or on drugs (never needles) and I can’t be certain that it’s always been protected sex.
I am around 80% the top in these shags. So I’ve been told that the likelihood is that I’m fine, but just wondering.
I’ve had a few STDs and had those cleared up but I’m feeling a little bit worried as I always do this time of year with WorldAIDS Day coming up…
I have been to the clinic, but not this year.
Hi there; Thanks for your question.
Being top may be less risky than being the bottom, but there is still a risk, and guys who only top still get HIV. This is because of HIV can also be found in mucosal secretions inside someone’s bum. Using condoms will protect you against HIV and most STIs regardless of how many partners you have. However, it’s possible that condoms break, or you can get STIs including HIV through oral sex, although getting HIV through oral sex is rare.
Some people say that taking drugs including alcohol makes them more relaxed and more likely to take risks. Sometimes when people get caught in the moment they may feel invincible and forget to do the things they normally would to protect their health. It’s really important that you keep control by using condoms and getting yourself checked regularly for sexually transmitted infections. This should be for all STIs not just HIV.
Taking PrEP can help stop new transmission of HIV, particularly useless if the user is having condomless sex. When use as prescribed it can be an effective barrier to the transmission of HIV. However it does not stop other STIs.
It might also be worth considering going onto PrEP. If you’ve not heard about PrEP, essentially it’s a anti-HIV drug, which when taken as prescribed can effectively prevent HIV spreading from partner to partner. PrEP stands for (Pre-Exposure Prophylactic. Campaigners believe PrEP can ultimately end new HIV transmissions. To find out more about it and see if you’re able to access PrEP make an appointment with your location sexual health clinic.
If you do have HIV finding out can save your life (if you have had it for many years) or add years to your life. HIV is now a manageable health condition and life expectancy may be almost the same if diagnosed early and you start treatment at the right time. It’s better to know as you can take control of your own health and protect your partners.
It sounds like you may want to visit our CODE clinic, a walk-in service. The team are super friendly, non-judgemental and there to help you. They can advise you on drug taking, help you to reduce or stop and explain more about risks of STIs. Also, they know a lot about the harder sex scene, if that happens to be your thing.
In terms of the number of partners, it’s really important that you are having a healthy, enjoyable sex life which is not harmful to your mental or physical health.
If you’re worried that you may have sex addiction then help is available. There is an online screening tool at www.sexhelp.com which is free. It will give you a score and explain what that means. There are also lots of resources on the www.sexaddictionhelp.co.uk and www.recoverynation.com websites. We provide support at 56 Dean Street and if you visited the clinic with an appointment with a health advisor we could refer you to this service.
Hope that helps;
Jenna and Jake.
This article was first published in 2012 and now includes extra information about PrEP.
My straight work mate keeps coming on to me… We’ve been hanging around lots and lots and he’s actually pretty cool with me being gay and is often flirty. He was one of the first people I came out to at work. We’ve worked together for over 5 years.
At first it was all in good jest and his flirting just made me laugh, but now it’s starting to actually turn me on and is making me question whether he’s gay or bi?
We’ve been spending more and more time together and we’re planning a lads’ weekend away, which we’ve done before – nothing happened, but I’m wondering whether I should make a move – or ask him whether he actually likes me.He has a girlfriend and she’s a good friend too.
I’m worried if I make a come on and goes wrong it’ll ruin our friendship…
This could go hideously wrong. As attractive and hot an idea it is to get with the straight / not so straight boy, you have your friendship and his girlfriend’s heart hovering above the shitter. Enjoy the fact that he is comfortable enough with you, and his own sexuality to be flirty. Making a move or potentially having sex will complicate EVERYTHING, think of the atmosphere at work- you don’t need that- so don’t mess this up, buttercup. If your feelings are starting to go a little deeper than just fantasising, then you’re going have to suss out if you can actually manage a friendship with him without anyone getting hurt. I would suggest you perhaps opt out of this particular weekend away while you figure stuff out.
You have answered your own question over his sexuality. You’ve been away before and nothing happened. It could be that he is just very comfortable with himself to be as comfortable with who you are. These men do exist. By coming onto him you push the boundaries of your friendship to another level. If he isn’t gay or bi then you risk a lot more than losing a friend. Work will be disrupted; your friendship will also be lost with the girlfriend.
Tell him you fancy him. Compliments are easier to wiggle out of than coming on. I was going to say go for the easy option and not go on the lads’ weekend and start pulling yourself away. Be prepared for a possible change in your relationship if you do confess. He may become guarded around you and the flirtations stop but it will put your mind at ease as to where you stand. However if he values you for who you are he will take it as a compliment, flirt more and make your life a comfortable hell of fun.
What makes this even harder though is that he won’t be the only straight man in the world you’ll fall in love with. One day you will cheat on your pretend boyfriend.
I have by a simple few words in life. These have stood me in great stead and I found it useful.
If you don’t ask you don’t get.
Apply this to your ‘could he be bi and coming onto me’.
You also say he has a girlfriend and that they are your friends so if you just assume his sexuality you could lose big time.
By being upfront and honest with him you’ll still keep your friendship in tact.
The advice above has been given by our community of writers who have drawn from experiences in their own lives and is should not be considered as professional advice.
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