THEGAYUK

Tag: Bottoming

All the latest breaking news Bottoming. Browse The THEGAYUK’s complete collection of features and commentary on bottoming.

  • If you’re finding it hard to bottom for your boyfriend try these 7 tricks

    If you’re finding it hard to bottom for your boyfriend try these 7 tricks

    So if you’re new to bottoming or you’re just looking some tips on to how to make it easier, here are some tips

    F**k First.

    We’re not going to take credit for this, Dan Savage talks about doing the deed before you go out on a romantic date! Yep, get the good stuff first. If you’re planning a night out with your man – sex first. That way, on your date, you can eat to your heart’s content – and not worry about stomach or gut-related issues later on.

    You on top.

    This position is normally called the Cowboy. The best way to control how far your partner goes in is with you on top. With you, on top, you can also control the speed of the thrusts – or limit them altogether. You can be in complete control of the movement because your partner’s range of movement will be limited.

    Your hand in the way.

    So if you’re tired of the cowboy position you can try all manner of other positions, but try this trick. If your partner is just too long for you, you can put your hand in the way. So imagine putting his penis through your fist and then into you. That eliminates around 3 inches of his actual length. The “top” partner shouldn’t really feel any less pleasure- especially if you lube up the inside of your palm.

    As you get more accustomed you can change the fist into a V shape made from your index and middle finger in front of your butthole.

    Spooning position.

    Another range limiting position is the spooning position, where you lie on your side and your partner comes in from behind also lying on his side. To limit the range of thrust close your legs – as you get used to the feeling of him inside you, you can start to open your legs more.

    It’s all in the Prep.

    Spending some time by yourself – prepping can actually help loosen you up. If you’re comfortable douching that will definitely get your butt more relaxed. You can try with a showerhead, however, you must be careful of water pressure and the heat of the water – or with an actual douche.

    Douches are relatively inexpensive and are an effective way of making sure you’re all flushed out. Our online store stocks a great range of douches, including shower douches, which offer a much deeper and extensive clean out.

    Prep can also come in the guise of using a little dildo or vibrator that you can have some fun with before the main event. You could even have two one small and one larger for when you get a little more relaxed.

    Pre-lube yourself.

    After prepping yourself, why not pre-lube yourself. Don’t just wait before you’re actually in the moment, you could try using a thicker lube like the FistIt range of lubes. Using your finger take a blob of the lube and put it right inside you.

    Or you could even use a lube launcher or shooter. Insert the tube and squirt away! However, make sure if you’re using a lube which isn’t water-based that it might not be suitable to use with latex condoms – always check the packaging for instructions.

    If you’re going to use condoms don’t use oil-based lube, instead you silicone or water-based lubes. You can find a range of lubes from our official store.

    Tell Him STFD

    In the end, it’s your body and your butt. If you’re not happy TELL HIM. Or as we like to say… Slow The F*** DOWN. There’s no need to rush and you should take your time. Be sensitive to your body and let go at your pace.

  • ADVICE | It really hurts after I get fingered

    ADVICE | It really hurts after I get fingered

    Dear TGUK

    Well, every time I have anal sex or am fingered it’s really fun at the time but really hurts after. Is there something I’m doing wrong or what can I do to make it pleasurable?

    Simon

    why does it hurt after I get fingered?

    Hello Simon,

    The ass is pretty darn resilient and there’s a pleasure to be had from anal sex, but there are a few golden rules to make sure you keep safe and reduce pain.

    1. It can’t be stressed enough lube is your friend. Use a good amount – and have a towel handy that you can wipe your hands, as it can get quite messy. **That** scene in Brokeback Mountain – as hot as it looks, is just not that realistic. A bit of spit and shove isn’t going to cut it. Use a good lube – and there are loads of lubes to choose from on the market. You might find that you get on with some better than others. Try the trial sizes until you find the perfect lube.
    2. Take your time. One of the most misleading things about porn is that you can’t just stick it in – and that includes fingers. You need to take it gradually. You could start off with a bit of rimming and then move on to a finger – then if that feels good maybe two. Don’t just go for it. You will cause yourself a lot of pain.
    3. Warm yourself up. You could do a bit of prep yourself before sex. Perhaps while you’re in the shower – or if you douche you could get your butt used to the feeling of a finger or two up there before you get down with your partner. Using warm water to douche could help you relax as well.
    4. Anal Training. Why not try a set of dilating anal training toys. The toys vary in size and girth. You start small and gradually get bigger as you become accustomed to the size.
    5. Finger maintenance. You say that it hurts after fingering, are your boyfriend’s fingernails ragged? If he’s got claws that a Gruffalo would be proud of it’s time to invest in some nail clippers for him. He may be, unknowingly tearing your insides – which will make the whole experience uncomfortable.
    6. Keep the action smooth. Keep the fingering motion smooth and long and thin (goes right in). He shouldn’t curl up his fingers inside you – this is going to cause discomfort. No vigorous finger jamming like he’s Donald Trump giving a speech.
    7. You could always try a desensitising spray or lube.

    So to recap: take time and use lube.

    If you’re really concerned that there’s something wrong book an appointment to see your GP.

    Have you got a sexual health or dilemma you want answered by our team of experts? Click here to let us know.

    The advice listed above is not intended to replace or take the place of that of your own doctor, GP or medical professional who knows your full medical history. If in any doubt make an appointment with your doctor as soon as possible.

    Picture by SeanCody.com get your subscription here

  • COMMENT | So… when it comes to gay sex, are you top, middle or bottom?

    Top, Bottom or Versatile: Are tops lazy, do versatile guys have more fun and what is bottom shaming?

    Gay Couple
    CREDIT ©-dnf-style-Depositphotos

    So recently I have been asking a series of questions ‘for a friend’ about anal sex and being a top, bottom or versatile.

    For those that may no know, a top is someone that inserts their penis into another man’s butt, a bottom is someone who has another man’s penis inserted into his butt and a versatile, as you can imagine, does both.

    I’ve always been a top but I have experimented being a bottom in the past. But before we go on can I just have a moan to tops out there. YOU WILL NOT BE THE ONE TO CONVERT ME. The number of times a top responds with “well I’ll do it with you and I’ll do it right” when I say I’ve tried and didn’t like it. Every top seems to think they are god’s gift to bottoming and I’m sorry boys but you are not. No one knows my butt better than I and believe you me, if it’s not going in, it’s not going in (protest all you like).

    Now, where was I? Ah yes, are all tops lazy? Do versatile guys have more fun? Why do bottoms bottom?

    Before I begin may I just say that this is in no way scientific. This is just a social media poll, on a whim, usually while bored on the train to London. I asked Twitter a series of questions and mine and THEGAYUK’s followers were kind enough to respond. In the first question, 88 people responded to the question ‘Why are you a top?’

    Of those 88, 41% said it was because they liked a sense of dominance it gives them, 25% simply found bottoming too painful, 20% were fearful of an accident and 14% just saw bottoming as too much effort.

    A little bit of a mixed bag there but 45% highlight issues with going down there (pain/potential for the mess). A couple of guys even messaged me directly sharing that concern about accidents down there and even just a lack of wiring for it. And I have to admit as a top I share some of that concern. Who teaches someone how to bottom successfully? Is there a class on how to douche? Certainly, no one has ever shown me so you either google it, use your imagination or go on what friends tell you (for douching at least). That be why, as a top, myself and a few of the other guys that responded, all shared a sense of patience and understanding for bottoms (especially if an ‘accident’ was to occur).

    ALSO READ: I’m thinking about bottoming for the first time, how can I make sure I’m clean?

    As for how to bottom, everyone’s advice is just to grin and go with it. But what does that actually mean? So, again on my way into work one day, I decided to follow that up by asking twitter the question “why are you a bottom?”

    69 people replied and 54% said it was because it felt good, followed by 30% saying that they enjoyed a feeling of submission (and 14% said size concerns (too small) and 2% thought it was expected of them).

    54% said that it felt good.

    54%! As a top that has only every gotten pain from the whole experience (even after various methods) you do start to wonder if you’ve been wired incorrectly. I’ve seen partner’s eyes roll over in pleasure and that just baffles me. You clearly have something that I (and indeed 88 others) simply do not have.

    Now for others that it also baffles they seem to get jealous and a little nasty about it.

    ALSO READ: 13 myths about gay sex

    And this is where bottom shaming comes it. Almost turning the term ‘power bottom’ into a negative thing that the person should be ashamed of. Well to those people I say bugger off. As a top that knows how painful it is, if you can get pleasure from that then you crack on my sweet and be proud. I’m mildly jealous and will give you my number.

    ;o)

    We cannot all be blessed with the ‘g-spot’ it seems, and maybe that’s a good thing for world balance? If were all bottoms how would we get anything done?

    But then that brings me to my next question that I decided to inflict on the good people of twitter. I asked people “do versatile guys have more fun?”

    145 people came back to me on that one (so clearly they do). The majority 69% (teehee) said that yes they did.

    And you can see the appeal. You can insert and be inserted into and get pleasure from both. It adds variety and spice to your sex life and means you can experience a wider range of feelings.

    As for me, my mind is very much in the versatile space. In my head, I like the thought of a nice rogering as much as the next man but in reality, it just doesn’t happen. To tops (and indeed bottoms) out there that connect with this feeling in any way, I would say don’t feel like you need to be both. Enjoy what you enjoy and experiment if and when you want to experiment. Sex has always got to feel right and comfortable for you. If it
    doesn’t don’t do it.

  • So who burns more calories during sex, top or bottom?

    So it’s well a known fact that sex is an amazing way to keep fit. A good session can burn hundreds of calories, but who burns the most, the top or bottom?

    gay men having sex, gay couple
    CREDIT: ©-Lopolo-Depositphotos

     

    So health experts suggest that we need at least 30 minutes of exercise 4 times a week and sex, yes sexy time, can count towards your fitness goal.

    But which partner will burn the most calories? Does it matter whether you’re topping or bottoming?

    Well, Superdrug has a website that can calculate how many calories you and your partner will burn during your session – whether you’re giving or receiving. It also helps you choose the positions which will work you out even harder – yes squatting as a bottom will burn you some serious calories… feel the burn.

    So let’s say that your session last 40 minutes – and you do a bit of: 69ing, doggying, cowboying and finishing up with some missionary… who do you think will burn more, top or bottom?

    If you’re the bottom you will have burnt a rather safe 151 calories, however, if you’re topping you’ll be burning a whopping 162 calories.

     

    ALSO READ: How to make 4 everyday sex position into AMAZING sex positions

    ALSO READ: Five things you need to do to turn SNOOZE sex into WOOOO sex

     

    That’s the equivalent of running for at least a mile, 34 minutes of yoga, or over 2 miles of biking. We know which we’d rather do!

    However, the bottom doesn’t always burn less calories, the following positions could see you burn through a mountain of calories: The cowboy, the reverse cowboy, a lapdance and the wheelbarrow, you could burn 230 calories- whilst your top would burn just 93!

     

  • Bet we can guess if you’re a top or bottom

    Bet we can guess if you’re a top or bottom

    Of course it doesn’t matter which you are… but we bet we can guess whether you’re a power bottom, masterful top or versatile minx.

    Please wait one moment for the quiz to load.

     

  • 6 tips for easier bottoming

    So if you’re new to bottoming or you’re just looking some tips on to how to make it easier, here’s some tips

    You on top.

    This position is normally called the Cowboy. The best way to control how far your partner goes in is with you on top. With you on top you can also control the speed of the thrusts – or limit them altogether. You can be in complete control of the movement, because your partner’s range of movement will be limited.

     

    Your hand in the way.

    So if you’re tired with the cowboy position you can try all manner of other positions, but try this trick. If your partner is just too long for you, you can put your hand in the way. So imagine putting his penis through your fist and then into you. That eliminates around 3 inches of his actual length. The “top” partner shouldn’t really feel any less pleasure- especially if you lube up the inside of your palm.

    As you get more accustomed you can change the fist into a V shape made from your index and middle finger in front of your butthole.

    ALSO READ: How to make ordinary sexual positions even more exciting

     

    Spooning position.

    Another range limiting position is the spooning position, where you lie on your side and your partner comes in from behind also lying on his side. To limit the range of thrust close your legs – as you get used to the feeling of him inside you, you can start to open your legs more.

     

    ALSO READ: How to bottom like a pro – porn star Kit Wilde explains how to shag like a pro

     

    It’s all in the Prep.

    Spending some time by yourself – prepping can actually help loosen you up. If you’re comfortable douching that will definitely get your butt more relaxed. You can try with a shower head, however, you must be careful of water pressure and the heat of the water – or with an actual douche.

    Douches are relatively inexpensive, you can even order them through Amazon.

    Prep can also come in the guise of using a little dildo or vibrator that you can have some fun with before the main event. You could even have two one small and one larger for when you get a little more relaxed.

     

    Prelube yourself.

    After prepping yourself, why not pre-lube yourself. Don’t just wait before you’re actually in the moment, you could try using a thicker butter lube like the Male Cobeco Butter lube or even Crisco. Using your finger take a blob of the butter and put it right inside you. However using a butter lube might not be suitable to use with latex condoms – always check the packaging for instructions.

     

    Tell Him STFD

    In the end it’s your body and your butt. If you’re not happy TELL HIM. Or as we like to say… Slow The F*** DOWN. There’s no need to rush and you should take your time. Be sensitive to your body and let go at your pace.

     

     

    As always lots of lube… and condoms!

    Have you got tips – put them in the comments below!

    Want some further reading trying this book How to Bottom Without Pain

    [mailmunch-form id="358329"]

     

  • 17 Confessions From First Time Gay Sex

    17 Confessions From First Time Gay Sex

    If you’re a gay, bi or curious guy chances are you might be up for a chocolate starfish stretch… But when you do it for the first time, there are just things you don’t expect.

    (C) BIGSTOCK

    We asked our wonderful community what they thought about the first time they had anal sex.

     

    The pain (Allie)

     

    How tight my ass was lol (Jim)

     

    The pain after banging my head on the table lamp lol (Jon)

     

    The agreement that more lube is always a must. (Brad)

    Can’t really remember I was drunk . (Jim)

    d

     

    It didn’t hurt like I was expecting it too. (Jordy)

     

    It was a romantic and powerful moment for this power bottom! I felt fulfilled! (Bri)

     

    The pain! Omg the pain!!! Felt like being stabbed in the stomach and the sh*tter all at the same time! I’ve honestly felt less pain standing on a plug (Craig)

     

    How bloody selfish he was. And the size of his manhood. Ginormous (W)

     

    That it hurt like f**k, literally. And that I only truly enjoy it once I’ve become comfortable with my partner. (J)

     

    Not to laugh at the other guys sex noises while inside. (Matt)

     

    That my boyfriend who was 100% straight liked it very much. (Q)

     

    The ability to actually stay awake !!! (Sean)

     

    How much overhype there is. I was so bored, and have been every time.  (Sean)

     

    That not everyone likes doing it to ABBA! (Graham)

     

    How amazing I was.  (Daniel)

     

    Oh The Prep… Dear god… So much prep

     

     

  • ADVICE | How To Bottom

    ADVICE | How To Bottom

    We get requests at THEGAYUK about all manner of things, one that is asked a lot is how to bottom.

    Well, we’ve enlisted the help of top porn star Kit Wilde to give us some tips on how to make sure you put your best bottom forward and be a bottoming king.

    Advice on these sort of subjects is difficult, for the simple reason that sex, like most things, is subjective. I could have sex with a one night stand and think it was pretty average and the following week you could have sex with the same person and think it’s mind-blowing.

    There are however a few tips and hints on how to make bottoming easier and more pleasurable, again bare in mind that this is subjective so what works for me might not work for you. The key is to listen to your body!

    WASH IT OUT

    A douche or an anal enema is a bulb-like product used to clean the anal passage from waste. The enema is used to push water into your anal passage which you then expel repeating until the water being expelled runs completely clean.

    You can get a douche for most adult stores (check out THEGAYSHOP) and most of them stock them in various sizes all pretty cheaply enough and if ordering online most stores offer discreet packaging.

    Most anal enemas come with directions for use, please read them carefully before use, but generally, these 6 steps should help.

    CLEAN BEFORE USE

    • Clean the douche well before use with warm soapy water, any muck or grime on it can increase the likelihood of contracting an infection, ensure the douche is clean of any soap as well before use.

    LUKEWARM WATER

    • Fill the device with lukewarm water. Do not use scolding hot water or water with soap in it. Just plain old warm water, test it first, remember this water is going inside you, let’s try and not have a trip to A&E because you’ve scolded your rectum.

    LUBE IT UP

    • Lubricate the douche and the anal cavity (that’s your bum hole), this makes it easier to insert, as a side note, your rectal cavity tears easily, so don’t just go shoving it inside you. If you’re struggling to get the flute inside your anus, take your time, relax, reapply more lubrication and try again. Need some lube, check out our selection of lubes.

    INSERT AND SQUEEZE

    • Before you insert the douche, squeeze the bulb to release the air so the water fills the flute, this stops you pushing air into your body and means you won’t end up with trapped wind. Squeeze the bulb with ease allowing the water to fill you.

    REMOVE

    • Remove the douche, keeping your grip on it whilst holding the water inside you. DO NOT release your grip on the douche as it’ll suck the water back into the douche. Only when the douche is fully removed from your body relax and release the water (it’s easier and less messy to do this on the toilet).

    REPEAT

    • Continue the process until the water remains clear and free from any waste.

    Although the use of an anal enema is very helpful in planned situations it’s not very helpful for those spontaneous sexual moments when you just let the mood take you. In times like these, you need to use something you can not buy from a shop.

    You need communication, you might think it’s embarrassing to talk about but believe me, it’s far less embarrassing to say “do you know what? I might not be clean” than for your sexual partner to find that out the hard way.

    If you’re in doubt take some time and go to the toilet, remember that while the anus and rectum do not usually store faeces, there may be remnants left behind so make sure to thoroughly clean the area around your butt, I’ve found that moist towelettes (baby wipes) really help with this or if you have a little more time maybe try a quick shower.

    Now, this is the bit that may make a few people feel gross, but, trust me it’s far less embarrassing you finding something than your sexual partner.

    The Finger Check

    You can use your finger to check and see if you feel any remnants inside you, which can be removed pretty quickly. Yes I’m aware I am literally suggesting you pull your poo out with your finger but if you really want to have sex and don’t want your sexual partner to end with a messy penis, cleaning is necessary.

    If you do clean yourself out with your fingers though, be sure to wash your hands very thoroughly. I am very aware that the process of cleaning out your ass is embarrassing, but please for the love of Cher talk to your partner about it.

    Spontaneous or long-term partner, communication is important as it helps both (or more) of you understand what, if any preparations are needed to be made beforehand, it also lets everyone prepare for any potential accidents that may occur. Be aware that if they do occur, it’s ok, these things do happen just bear in mind that next time you might want to allow for more time to prepare.

    Listen to your body

    As a final note, remember it’s your body, take your time and enjoy yourself. If you’re not enjoying yourself listen to your body, change position or go a little slower.

    Do not be afraid to tell your partner no, or ask them to slow down or even stop. You’re not letting anyone down and you should never feel guilty for having to stop.

    Sometimes your body isn’t ready for sex regardless of the amount of preparation you do, and forcing your body to do it could end very messily. Long-term partner or a one-night fling safe sex is always key, whether you choose to wear a condom or go bareback, make sure you get your sexual health checked on a regular basis and know your status.

    Be open and honest with the guy you’re having sex with. Hope this little guide helps. Have fun

    by Kit Wilde | @KitWildeXXX

  • ADVICE | I Have Piles… Can I Still Have Sex?

    This week a concerned reader asks about haemorrhoids and whether he can still have sex.

    I Have Piles... Can I Still Have Sex?

     

    Dear Jose,

    I have just found that I have piles… Great! The problem is I’m the bottom in our relationship. Is it safe to f**k whilst I’ve got these? If I use creams and they go away, is there a possibility they’ll burst – am I more likely to get an infection – if say we have a three way or go to an orgy?

    J, 40, Somerset.

     

    Dear J

    Anal sex has the potential to inflame pre-existing haemorrhoids (piles), though research shows that it does not cause them in the first place. So long as the piles are not actively bleeding or painful at the time on intercourse then it is probably safe to have sex. If they are bleeding or there is inflammation though this means that the natural protective barrier formed by the skin and mucous membranes is not at its optimum which if exposed to a STI can make transmission more likely.

    I would recommend using Preparation H or Germoloids to help control pain and inflammation and to reduce swelling. During sex it is also important that you use a good water based lubricant, particularly during acts of multiple person or high frequency sexual activity as this will reduce the chance of any inflammation being caused. They are very unlikely to burst during normal sexual activity, even in the case of sex parties, threesomes or orgies. If creams etc. though do not fix the underlying problem and I would recommend as a permanent solution surgical intervention.

    This can now be done almost painlessly by syringing the haemorrhoids and a referral can be obtained by going to see your GP. There are also a number of  private clinics undertaking the therapy which do not require GP referral.

    Jose Perez de la Cruz, BPubHtlth,

    Public Health Practitioner

     

    OTHER QUESTIONS: HIV | WILLY WONDERS | HOLES | DOING IT | STIs | LUMPS & BUMPS | BACK TO SEX CLINIC HOME PAGE

     

    Got a problem you’d like advice on?

  • ADVICE | I Am Thinking About Bottoming For The First Time… How I Can I Be Clean?

    ADVICE | I Am Thinking About Bottoming For The First Time… How I Can I Be Clean?

    This week one reader is concerned about being unclean during sex.

    I Am Thinking About Bottoming For The First Time... How I Can I Be Clean?

    Dear Jose

    I’m thinking about bottoming for the first time and I’m a little worried about being “dirty” down there during sex. I’ve heard about certain things you can do to make sure you’re clean and that there’s no sh*t when you’re having sex?
    Is there anything I can do that’s safe?

    Thank you for your advice

    Tom, 25 Huddersfield

    Dear Tom,
    Hi there it depends what you mean by dirty. Obviously proper preparation prior to undertaking sexual activity such as anal sex reduces the chances of embarrassing things occurring such as “sh*t dick”.

    This can be accomplished by proper douche technique or commercially available enemas.

    From a sexual health point of view, any sexual act is broadly safe so long as you or your partners do not have any STIs, id you do have any underlying STIs then get them treated.

    The best way to protect against these is to use condoms and to get regularly tested for STIs, at least every 3 months, this testing is available free at NHS sexual health clinics and some Terrence Higgins Trust offices. I would also recommend using condoms with a good water-based lubricant, again these are available free form Terrence Higgins Trust.

    Advice by: Jose Perez de la Cruz, BPubHtlth,
    Public Health Practitioner

    BACK TO SEX HEALTH CLINIC

  • ANSWERS | What Is A White Glove Bottom?

    If you’ve heard the expression he’s such a white glove bottom and wondered what it is – we have the answer for you.

    What Is A White Glove Bottom?

    A white glove bottom is a guy who won’t bottom (be penetrated by another guy) unless he’s completely sure he’s completely clean if you get our drift. So basically he’s the type who will most probably douche or use an enema before penetration to ensure there’s no mess… ever.

    Not every man who bottoms is a “white glove bottom” – if you know your body and have a good diet it isn’t always necessary to be excessive with your cleaning.

    But if you’re worried about mess, use a condom. These things happen and it’s not the end of the world.

     

    OTHER QUESTIONS: HIV | WILLY WONDERS | HOLES | DOING IT | STIs | LUMPS & BUMPS | BACK TO SEX CLINIC HOME PAGE

     

    Got a problem you’d like advice on?