THEGAYUK

Author: Paul Stag

  • FILM REVIEW | A Star Is Born

    ★★★★☆ | A Star Is Born

    The 4th version of this movie is all very up to date but how does Lady Gaga shape up in the ultimate diva battle against her predecessor’s madams Streisand and Garland?

    Nutshell – A well-trodden story of a male superstar whose career is on the skids who falls for a nobody whose star then goes stratospheric. 1937/1954 and then 1976 this exact story has been filmed all very successfully with the first two focusing on movie stars and the last one moving it to the music industry so as Barbra Streisand can belt out her top three hit ‘Evergreen’. The success of the 2018 film depends on the talent on show namely Bradley Cooper… fucking hot as hell and Gaga who is the current queen of our gay stratosphere plus the quality of the songs. With ‘Shallow’ now atop the singles chart and the album alongside it, we very definitely have all three massive ticks in the movies credit column. Yep, this is good stuff indeed.

    Running Time – 136 Minutes – Cert 15. This is a long drawn out affair maybe some of the middle songs could have been ditched.

    The Gay UK Factor – Lady Gaga‘s first full length starring roll including over a dozen new great anthems what could be queerer than that? Well just to make sure that plenty of pink pounds get handed over the cinema counter we get hunky Bradley Cooper topless too for many of the scenes – maybe the first movie ever where you will wank and lip sync at the same time.

    Cast – Bradley Cooper, Lady Gaga, Sam Elliott, Andrew Dice Clay, David Chappelle and far too briefly, Alec Baldwin.

    Key Player – Although this is Bradley’s directing debut and he co-wrote it and starred in it as well as singing adequately many of the songs the movie always comes to life most when her ladyship is on the screen. This is a one-woman show. She is completely stunning and steals every single scene she is in and others sag without her regal presence. Never has a movie been so aptly titled… maybe a Megastar is born here certainly a new triple threat at least.

    Budget – $60 Million and its already made twice that back in just America alone – a bonafide hit plus CD sales, massive DVD sales, merchandise and with touring conglomerate Live Nation finance here this probably even a tour and stage show. This will run and run.

    Best Bit – 0.44 mins; The first time Bradley forces Gaga onto a stage in front of her first big audience is a real showstopper and it’s the fantastic big new number one hit ‘Shallow’ she sings and sings fucking well.

    Worst Bit – 1.25 mins; When Gaga makes it big and starts performing her own music we get a disappointing run of three sub-Ariana Grande type rejected album tracks when the film is crying out for another ‘Poker Face’ or ‘Bad Romance’. This section of the movie is as about as limp and as unfortunate as your cock after 10 pints when Tom Daley out of the blue offers you a booty call.

    Little Secret – Bradley Cooper sang and recorded some scenes live from the Pyramid stage at Glastonbury in 2017 immediately before he introduced the booked act Kris Kristofferson who was the male lead of the 1976 A Star Is Born opposite Streisand. This reboot was planned by Clint Eastwood in 2011 starring Beyonce until she became pregnant then it was Rihanna, Shakira & Selena Gomez; male leads were those well-known singing talents Christian Bale, Leonardo DiCaprio & Tom Cruise. Not only does Bradley write, direct and star in the film but one of his kids appears and the dog is his own hound, Charlie.

    Further Viewing – A Star Is Born 1-3, and musicals like Mamma Mia Here We Go Again, The Greatest Showman, La La Land, Bohemian Rhapsody etc plus Moulin Rouge, My Fair Lady, The Bodyguard, Strictly Ballroom and every romantic musical back to The Golddiggers Of 1933 belting out the ‘Lullaby Of Broadway’.

    Any Good – A stunning directorial debut by Cooper and a film that will make Gaga into a movie legend… it could have been written for her if it wasn’t 81 years old. This just works from start to finish and the 98% new songs (Only ‘La Vie En Rose’ you will recognise) are mainly memorable and downloadable. Well acted, beautifully shot and with an earth-shattering finale and climatic number. Gaga may have just missed out on the Oscar for best song two years ago but she is now the bookies favourite for Feb 2019. This is a great original musical applied to one of the oldest and oft-repeated stories in cinema. Never mind ‘Born This Way’ it appears she was Born to act.

    Rating- 77/100

  • FILM REVIEW | The Meg

    ★★★★☆ | The Meg

    Courtesy of Warner Bros. Pictures

    THE MEG – Sex God Jason Statham takes on the biggest nastiest shark in cinema history in the ultimate muscular monster movie showdown an instant camp & cult classic & he’s never looked hotter.

    Nutshell – Firstly this is a thriller, not a horror and the ultimate progression of The Stath’s career-long mano et mano film genre he has made all his own. A deep sea mission unwittingly releases the biggest beast known to man but a very big fish indeed. Can our hero stop the modern day Jaws from killing his crew and then hitting the nearby popular South East Asian beach?  It’s a non-stop, well thought out water bound action with serious bite, you will feel tense throughout but not scared.

    Running Time – 113 Minutes – Cert 12A. That family-friendly certificate obviously takes a lot of blood and the gore out of the movie – this is not the new Jaws nor sets out to be.

    Tagline – ‘Before Chasing Sea Monsters, Check Your Place On The Food Chain’

    The Gay UK Factor – This is the one we have been waiting for all Summer, Jason Statham topless for two hours in swimming trunks or even less. Slipping on the tightest wetsuit ever seems to show every bulge and muscle ripple he has.  The original 1950’s Kinsey report & test of whether you were gay or not is now officially replaced by this movie. Is there a big shark in it? As we didn’t notice.

    Cast – Jason Statham and no-one else you have ever heard of (Unless you watch endless Resident Evils) but frankly that is all you need, the others are just fish food, except the little dog as we loved him but oh dear he has fallen in the water too so now what will happen?

    Key Player – This is a one-man show. The movie wouldn’t have been greenlit, made and got past its first studio meeting without the hunky star’s signature. The UK’s biggest movie star probably of the last decade just gets action movies made around him like no other actor and they always hit at the box office – Our island should be very proud of the guy who now has a record-breaking six movie franchises to his name. Tom Cruise has one.

    Budget – $130 Million and in one week it has made double that back in profit totally pissing all over the other one man band Summer blockbuster Dwayne Johnson’s Skyscraper. This is the last big hit of the summer and fans are fucking lapping it up big time… but may not want to go back in the water for a bit!

    Best Bit – 0.47 mins; The Stath has to get a GPS tracker attached to the giant killer fish which means he has to swim real close to it. Cue the best heart-stopping scene of the film before the crazy good mad as a box of frogs climax.

    Worst Bit – 0.05 mins; The opening prologue sets the scene some months before the main action and it’s OK but is nothing special. Film reviewers often use the term ‘Roller Coaster Ride’ and it has never fitted better here. Once you get over the initial warm up its non-stop excitement until you breathlessly hit the credits. One more rider please and Scream if you want to go faster!

    Little Secret – Spot the Jaws music used here in the underwater cage scene plus numerous references to all four Jaws films & The Abyss. This was originally meant for George Clooney then when it was offered to director Eli Roth (Hostel and Inglorious Bastards etc) who wanted to cast himself as the hero but as an actor, his biggest role was as Frowny The Clown in a horror film so a star with more box office whoomph was sought.

    Further Viewing – Jaws 1-4, Piranha, The Deep, Open Water, Croc, Lake Placid, Orca, Deep Blue Sea and The Stath’s greatest hits Transporter, Crank. The Expendables, Fast & Furious 8, Spy, The Italian Job, The Pink Panther & of course Lock, Stock & Two Smoking Barrels.

    Any Good – You don’t need a review to know whether this is for you or not. If you like the actor or this type of monster film then this is a really great one. If you want some fun escapism then you will be very happy but if you thought I, Daniel Blake was the greatest movie of all time or worship at the feet of Dame Maggie Smith then move along.

    Rating – 70/100

  • Chers goes ABBA with new album and tour and ABBA are back for Christmas

    Chers goes ABBA with new album and tour and ABBA are back for Christmas

    The glitter balls are spinning all around the world as the ultimate gay icon Cher announces her 26th album to be released next month on the 28th September and it is an ABBA tribute.

    (C) BIGSTOCK

    Five years after her hugely successful 2013 Closer To The Truth album with its hit lead single ‘A Woman’s Work’ we get Cher’s 26th album released on digital, CD and even vinyl if you want it. The album will be called Dancing Queen and features 10 previously unreleased Cher versions of ABBA’s greatest hits all very different from the originals.

    Following on from the massive success of Mamma Mia Here We Go Again the movie which is on target to out-gross the original. In its first three weeks has made $243 million from a budget of just $70 million which of course stars Cher and includes two new songs by her.

    In the film, Cher duets with Andy Garcia on her current top 40 hit ‘Fernando’ and also closes the movie and album out with ‘Super Trouper’. The soundtrack is holding steady at number one in the album charts holding the likes of Drake and George Ezra off comfortably.

    Dancing Queen, Cher’s new album does contain a different version of ‘Fernando’ to the one from the film. The lead single, released digitally this week is ‘Gimme Gimme Gimme (A Man After Midnight)’ and it has instantly leapt our gay goddess to number six on the iTunes’ charts (up from 93) likely to go number one next week. See the full new CD track listing at the bottom.

    Cher spoke about the project on The Today Show, “After filming Mamma Mia! Here We Go Again, I was reminded again of what great and timeless songs they (ABBA) wrote and started thinking, ‘Why not do an album of their music?’ The songs were harder to sing than I imagined but I’m so happy with how the music came out. I’m really excited for people to hear it. It’s a perfect time.  I have always liked ABBA and saw the original Mamma Mia musical on Broadway three times”. She added, “It’s not what you think of when you think ‘ABBA,’ because I did it in a different way.”

    Of course, that is an understatement that many agree with who have heard her new great version of ‘Gimme Gimme Gimme’.

    As she previously announced on The Graham Norton Show she is doing an Australia and New Zealand only tour, titled the ‘Here We Go Again Tour’ which is now being rebranded the ”Dancing Queen tour, in support of the new album, is set to launch on September 21, 2018, in Auckland, New Zealand. She is planning on doing six of the below Abba numbers in that show and of course promoters worldwide are now trying to pin her down do extend the tour to Asia, Europe and North America as the demand created by the film, soundtrack and predicted pre-orders of the tribute album make her hotter than at any time since ‘Believe’, maybe hotter as she is now a triple threat.

    After the disappointment of her only other movie musical to date Burlesque in 2010 she decided to move away from acting in 2012 and concentrate on her music career which was a very wise move indeed as it is turning out. Due to the success of the new movie talks with theatre producers are now underway to bring Here We Go Again to the world’s stages to play alongside the original massively successful Mamma Mia musical which is not likely to be leaving any stages soon as ticket sales are back through the roof again and the original 2008 soundtrack is also back in the Top 5 itself with ABBA Gold the original artist compilation just three places lower (making 3 ABBA-inspired albums in the Top 10).

    ABBA is coming back soon!!!

    If that is not enough excitement for ABBA fans then we are now just 12 short weeks from the release in November of their first new material for 36 years when in 1982 they put out their final song ‘The Day Before You Came’ (In 1983 they recorded ‘Put On Your White Sombrero’ for single release but withdrew it for it later to turn up only on a box set). The new song ‘I still Have Faith In You’ is currently the bookmaker’s favourite to be the Christmas Number One 2018 which would be their first ever Xmas chartopper and 10th number one in the UK. All four members of Abba said, “The decision to go ahead with the exciting Abba avatar tour project had an unexpected consequence.

    “We all four felt that, after some 35 years, it could be fun to join forces again and go into the recording studio. So we did. And it was like time had stood still and that we had only been away on a short holiday. An extremely joyful experience!“

    It resulted in two new songs and one of them, ‘I Still Have Faith In You’, will be performed by our digital selves in a TV special produced by NBC and the BBC aimed for broadcasting in December.

    “We may have come of age, but the song is new. And it feels good

    The full track listing of the new Cher album available to pre-order now is :-

    Dancing Queen 
    1. Dancing Queen
    2. Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! (a Man After Midnight)

    3. The Name of the Game
    4. SOS
    5. Waterloo
    6. Mamma Mia
    7. Chiquitita
    8. Fernando
    9. The Winner Takes It All
    10. One of Us

  • FILM REVIEW | Mission Impossible: Fallout

    ★★★★☆ | Mission Impossible: Fallout

    MISSION IMPOSSIBLE: FALLOUT – The sixth high octane spy thriller of Impossible Missions
    Nutshell – The IMF based loosely on the 60’s TV show this time have to find some missing plutonium that they let slip through their fingers in Berlin at the start of the film. An old adversary wants to blow up the world again, so Tom Cruise jumps out of planes, crashes motorbikes, falls out of helicopters and fights everyone in sight on a global action odyssey. This time he has the man mountain Henry Cavill shadowing him all the way and also has some women problems and half decent twists.
    Running Time – 147 Minutes – Cert 12A. A very long movie that does fly by.
    Tagline – ‘Some Missions Are Not A Choice’
    THEGAYUK Factor – Tom Cruise is now 57-year-old and looks great for his age but the gay sex appeal is not what it was, but he does make great movies. Ving Rames, Simon Pegg and Alec Baldwin are never going to make it onto anyone’s wank bank list, but we do have one fantastic saving grace Mr Henry Cavill is stunningly hot, built like a brick shit house and looks like everyone’s dream fucking top.
    Cast – Tom Cruise, Simon Pegg, Alec Baldwin, Rebecca Ferguson, Ving Rames, Angela Bassett, Sean Harris, a very very hot Wes Bentley and the straight face of CNN, Wolf Blitzer as opposed to the silver fox himself Anderson Cooper.
    Key Player – Although this is Cruise’s show he is not really giving us anything new here. The director Christopher Mcquarrie is the first guy to be invited back for his second Mission as previously a new director was employed each time. This is not quite as good as his last film Rogue Nation and lacks that one signature stunt that we expect from this franchise but he is solid and holds it all together nicely.
    Budget – $178 Million but it has the lowest opening of any Mission to date and is struggling to get the right number of bums on seats which is strange as it has good reviews and decent word of mouth perhaps its the same old same old feeling or the Worldwide heatwave.
    Best Bit – 0.27 mins; A great well-filmed HALO (High Altitude Low Open) parachute jump which goes wrong is genuinely exciting but why they have to be so clandestine jumping out of a plane over Paris to avoid radar is anyone’s guess and a figment of the writer’s mind.
    Worst Bit – 1.48 mins; The over contrived endless double-crosses hit full speed, and logic goes out of the window with the twists and irrational happenings that make Harry Potter or Star Wars look realistic but never mind just enjoy the action which is very good indeed.
    Little Secret – These Missions are now largely all about Tom doing his own stunts, and it works because they do look real. Here he has four major ones; the HALO jump he spent a year training for, an extended helicopter action set piece where he did most of the flying, a Paris motorcycle chase without helmet including an against the traffic scene around the Arc de Triumph and that London-based foot chase where he busted his ankle and closed the movie down for months. Let the stunt guys do what they are good at fella maybe as the next Mission you will be in your sixties.
    Further Viewing – Missions 1 through 5, Anything with the words Jason and Bourne in, The Man From Uncle, Spy, Kingsman, the more recent James Bonds.
    Any Good – This is just a few points down on the last two Missions, and it is the longest, so there is a lot of story to wade through here. The action is as good as anything out this year and almost Fast & Furious level, and there are many positives especially the addition of Henry Cavill. You do get the feeling of deja vu though, fake interrogations again, a surprise mask wearer, The CIA infiltrated yet again, bosses being killed, and countdowns to explosions all so predictable why do bad guys have countdowns anyway they just exist so as the good guys can save the day with less than 10 seconds to spare. If you want to destroy the world why take your time?
    Rating – 72/100

  • FILM REVIEW | Mamma Mia: Here We Go Again

    MAMMA MIA: HERE WE GO AGAIN – The sequel and a much more accomplished movie to the 11th most successful film of all time. Everyone is back bringing you over 20 Abba songs and a much better story with added Cher class.

    Nutshell – A movie released exactly 10 years after the first film tells us what the characters are doing also a decade on with parallel flashbacks to the origin story of Meryl Streep’s Donna character in the 80s from the first time around. So we get mother and daughter’s stories filled out and then grandmother Cher rolls in but its all about the tunes and we get some huge production numbers right from the outset with a vastly increased budget and Richard Curtis added to the writing team.
    Running Time – 114 Minutes – Cert PG.
    Tagline – ‘Thankyou For The Music Again’
    The Gay UK Factor – Well we only have a couple of lines but this is as gay as Lady Gaga doing a Madonna medley at an Elton John used buttplug auction. It was the gays that took over Abba’s back catalogue about 8 years after they disbanded leading to the stage musical. We have kept them close to our glitter covered hearts since whilst Cher became queen of the gays straight after she climbed on board a battleship with 500 sailors in just her knickers belting out ‘If I Could Turn Back Time’ with a 40-foot cannon between her legs. It helps that two of the young leads in this movie are hotter than Tom Daley’s popper collection also.
    Cast – Amanda Seyfried, Lily James, Meryl Streep, Cher, Dominic Cooper, Pierce Brosnan, Julie Walters, Andy Garcia, Colin Firth plus Benny & Bjorn from the greatest pop act of all time.
    Key Player – This is a love affair to Abba and with the same production team as before much credit also needs to go to the brains behind it all Julie Kramer, Phyllida Lloyd and Richard Curtis. That said there is no question that the breakout performance here is that of Lily James (Baby Driver, The Darkest Hour, Cinderella) playing the young Meryl character she is a great actor and lights up the screen and boy can that girl sing.
    Budget – $70 Million already made double that so, on to week two and the obvious second stage play.
    Best Bit – 1.12 mins; With a great life-affirming opening number ‘When I Kissed The Teacher’ and two great bits at the end one which will make you weep and the other that will make you sing at the top of your voice there is plenty of high points here. Yet when the opening blast of ‘Dancing Queen’ hits at a real key moment you will be flying as high as a bird on the wing. Pure joy in a bottle.
    Worst Bit – 0.18 mins; With any musical, you are going to get a couple of numbers which don’t work even the great Les Mis has that high pitched kiddie song. Here we get a rough as a dog’s ass version of ‘Kisses Of Fire’ but even that surpasses ‘Waterloo’ sung badly in a Napoleonthemedd restaurant sung by TV’s Hugh Skinner (ITV’s The Windsors & BBC’s W1A) and he makes Brosnan sound like Pavarotti on a good day here.
    Little Secret – How popular are musicals at the moment? The Greatest Showman soundtrack just had the longest run at number one of 27 weeks for 51 years since Julie Andrews was spinning around on an Austrian hilltop. Now it’s been knocked off the chart summit by this juggernaut. Through Chicago, Frozen, Les Mis, Beauty & The Beast, La La Land etc. we cannot get enough of musicals and there are many more in the pipeline.
    Further Viewing – Mamma Mia 1, Mermaids, Chicago, Phantom Of the Opera, Grease, Into The Woods, Evita, Dreamgirls, Summer Holiday, Blue Hawaii and the original beach musical classic South Pacific.
    Any Good – If you are a fan you will lap this up if not, then go see the boy’s own Mission Impossible or Dwayne Johnson films instead. This is really great, it is better than the original, partly due to the fact that it can break even further away from its stage origins and also because it can pick lesser known songs which fit better rather than having to be a greatest hits and forcing them into a story whether they like it or not and yes ‘Money, Money, Money’ & ‘Chiquitita’ we are looking at you. This just works, will make you feel joyous for a day or two after you have seen it and many times more when you buy the CD and DVD by the millions.
    This should have been a car crash in all honesty but it is full on Formula 1 massive success.
    88/100

  • FILM REVIEW | Skyscraper

    ★★★☆☆

    | SKYSCRAPER

    The world’s highest paid movie actor in history Dwayne Johnson in a Diehard type update in the world highest building makes sense right? Twice the height of the Burj Khalifa in Dubai to make Tom Cruise’s Mission Impossible building clinging exploits look like that of a pussy, nothing is small here.

    Nutshell – The big man is doing an insurance appraisal on ‘The Pearl’ a new mega-structure which is about to open. Cue a terrorist-induced fire halfway up the skyscraper, The Rock’s family trapped and in ever increasing jeopardy and a heist plot means the muscle mountain has to rip his shirt off and attempt one death-defying stunt after another to save the day or die trying.

    Running Time – 104 Minutes – Cert 12A and thereby we have the film’s biggest problem it is just too short and rushed – many kid’s cartoons are longer than this.

    Tagline – ‘Don’t Look Down’ & ‘The Sky Is The Limit’ – yes not a lot of thought has gone into this one.

    TheGayUK Factor – Dwayne is his usual hot as fuck self and then halfway through he gets a minor injury and the shirt comes off and the muscles and extensive tattoos come out and screw us, it is hot. The 6’4″ superstud has never looked better all those skinless chicken suppers and gym sweat is paying off but then it is back to the plot and the sweat just keeps coming at ya.

    Cast – Dwayne Johnson, Neve Campbell in her best role since her Scream franchise ended, Noah Taylor and Orange is the New Black’s ‘porntache man’ Pablo Schreiber.

    Key Player – Let’s not kid anyone this movie would not exist, be financed, reviewed, watched and enjoyed if it was not for Dwayne’s presence and him saying “yes” to it. The man could get a full-length movie about Theresa May’s sex life, a comedy starring Andy Murray, a gay version of Beaches or an epic entitled Brexit The Movie greenlit. He has single-handedly rescued four massive franchises with The Mummy, Fast & Furious, Journey 2 & GI Joe this is unlikely to be the next.

    Budget – $125 Million but will probably only make a minor profit which is disappointing following Johnson’s huge scoring 2017 with Fast & Furious 8, Moana and Jumanji but maybe forget Baywatch and this year’s earlier giant monkey movie Rampage. At least you have to give him the hardest working man in Hollywood title.

    Best Bit – 0.46 mins; Where the Mrs’ and kids are in the proverbial shit as a bridge across the park halfway up the tower collapses. It is a very well done tense scene we just need a lot more of this kind of peril across the other 90 minutes.

    Worst Bit – 0.21 mins; The villain here is just not evil enough and seems just off the shelf. His motive even less engaging and he also doesn’t have a decent sidekick with some super fighting skills or personal defect, so we get knock-off average goons we don’t care about.

    Little Secret – One of the lead collaborators on the movie is the Architect Adrian Smith who worked on the current tallest building the Burj Khalifa and is now working on the one to surpass it, the Jeddah Tower in Saudi Arabia. The fictional tower in the movie was moved to Hong Kong to take advantage of the now massive South-East Asian film market who love Dwayne’s movies. Dwayne Johnson was a hugely successful football star before a back injury made him switch to wrestling. He went back to wrestling after the Mummy Returns and Scorpion King movies as he thought he would not be a success as an actor. He is now the highest paid one of all time.

    Further Viewing – Diehard’s 1-4 which this movie would simply love to be & isn’t, Towering Inferno, San Andreas, Central Intelligence, Mission Impossible Ghost Protocol, Gremlins 2, Entrapment or any Airport, Earthquake, Poseidon disaster flick of the 70’s.

    Any Good – This is a classic high single concept movie. The action is non stop but Dwayne does not get much of a chance to raise an eyebrow, crack a joke or do all the things we love from the guy. He is always engaging and tries hard but has little support and everything is so rushed resulting in the short running time. If there was only room for many of the scenes to breath and create more tension this would be so much better and raise it above standard 3-star territory which it could so easily have been. It is perfectly serviceable until Dwayne brings us Suicide Squad 2, San Andreas 2, Jumanji 3, Big Trouble In Little China and of course his much anticipated Fast & Furious spin-off with another of our great gay jerk off fantasies Jason Statham. The ultimate cockfight is coming in 2019.

    Rating: 49/100

  • FILM REVIEW | Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom

    ★★★★☆ | Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom

    FILM REVIEW | Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom

    JURASSIC WORLD: FALLEN KINGDOM – The fifth entry in the dinosaur theme park saga and the second since its hugely successful reboot where it became the 4th biggest earner in world cinema history so big claw prints to follow indeed. This time we get a movie in two distinct halves and endless breathless action throughout – We like very much. This movie certainly has a bite that Michael Crichton would be proud.

    Nutshell – When the volcano on Isla Nublar looks set to erupt and terminate all the dino’s forever a rescue mission is organised by our two former heroes but skulduggery is afoot and the big lizards have their own ideas too and when some get back to our world in the UK the prehistoric shit really hits the fan.

    Running Time – 128inutes – Cert 12A.

    Tagline – ‘The Park Is Gone’ & ‘Life Finds A Way’

    The Gay UK Factor – Two hours of Chris Pratt looking dirty, dishevelled and sweaty as hell like your fantasy local builder, scaffolder or gardener wank fodder this is very easy on your eye as the man just wreaks of masculinity with an incredible sense of humour. Pure husband material but he does not write back! Unlike most of his other films, there are no shirtless or naked ass shots (Passengers we are talking about you). There are a bevvy of musclebound thugs throughout which will help your Summer sap to rise – these villains seem to have a recruitment policy as if you are as fuckable as hell you can become my henchman, go figure.

    Cast – Chris (Future Husband) Pratt, Bryce Dallas Howerd, Jeff Goldblum, Toby Jones, Rafe Spall & James Cromwell but the stars are the dinosaurs as always.

    Key Player – J A Bayona is Spain’s top director and he hails from the horror world with the likes of films such as The Orphanage. He brings this experience heavily into this movie wherein the first half he gives us the standard huge non stop action big set-piece sequences this franchise demands including that volcano eruption but in the second half we get very fresh one location horror almost gothic type tight set of sequences based on the infamous claustrophobic ‘kitchen sequence’ from the original movie over two decades ago.

    Budget – $170 Million much cheaper than the previous one but it is a better film for that. Currently, it has hauled 7 times its budget so a great investment all round and it’s on to Jurassic Park/World 6 the climax of this trilogy.

    Best Bit – 0.36 mins; When the volcano erupts all hell breaks out in a wonderful elongated action sequence which starts suddenly underground and ends claustrophobically underwater probably the best since Spielberg was in charge.

    Worst Bit – 0.05 mins; The opening action sequence is fine but it has absolutely nothing to do with the plot. It seems added purely so as we have an action beat before we get 15 minutes of set-up. In the eighties, all action films like say, Lethal Weapon, had to have an action beat every 8 minutes regardless of plot we have a throwback here.

    Little Secret – This film has the most dinosaurs of the franchise and of any film in history so your little nephews and nieces will be happy. Of course, dinosaurs developed from birds so many here should have feathers and be much brighter and varied colours but we seem to find brown, grey and green lizards scarier so that’s what we get on the screen. Raptors should have wings but directors think that claws are scarier so again that’s what we get and dinosaurs cannot roar as they have birds voice boxes but we want our T Rex’s to sound like monsters so that what Hollywood gives us. Part 3 of this new trilogy is rumoured to be called Jurassic War with weaponized dinosaurs – surely not! We will find out in 2021. The post credit scene here was actually filmed in London Zoo so don’t rush off to the exit to soon.

    Further Viewing – JP 1-3 and JW from 3 years ago, Godzilla (any of them), King Kong 1,3 or 4 (never ever consider 2), BBC’s amazing Walking With Dinosaurs, Nightmare At The Museum, The Land That Time Forgot and any of the millions of Dino movies but stop short of Barney, The Land Before Time or One Of Our Dinosaurs Is Missing.

    Any Good – Pure Summer multiplex entertainment at its best. More ideas than the last one that seems to be going somewhere and a clever structure. There are a couple of massive hints as to huge new directions later on in this film which should if handled correctly take this series off in fascinating new action-packed directions. Regardless this is not to be missed if you like straightforward Saturday night popcorn entertainment and there is nothing wrong with that as we don’t need Ken Loach, Kurosawa, Scorcese or Subtitled Slovakian war refugee movies all the time.

    Rating – 74/100

  • Mamma Mia 2 with added Cher is on the way

    MAMMA MIA – HERE WE GO AGAIN – All you need to know about the hottest sequel of the year & Cher’s song is revealed.

    Mamma Mia 2 is on the way and advance buzz is very good indeed – is it time to get excited  What Abba songs are in and which are out? What’s the story? What does Cher sing? What’s the lead song and all the gossip? THEGAYUK brings you all the info you need for the movie event of the Summer.

    So why a sequel? Since Mamma Mia first appeared on the stage in 1999 it has played all around the World becoming the most successful musical of the Millennium. The film was released in 2008 and became the biggest hit at the UK Box Office of all time. Six months later the DVD was released and sold 5 million copies making it the biggest seller in History and attaining a record that will never ever be beaten – the disc is in one in four of every British Household. Abba have recently reformed and have recorded new music to be released in December so are hotter than ever, so purely and simply a sequel was inevitable.

    What we know is that the movie is released Worldwide on 20th July, it is two hours long, will get a PG 13 rating and most importantly EVERYONE is back BOTH sides of the camera. The film wrapped just before last Christmas and was shot this time in Croatia rather than the Greek Islands and also Oxford together with other UK locations such as Hampton Court. Meryl Street did do one week of new filming but she has a minor part this time as it is set 10 years in the future when her daughter played by Amanda Seyfried is pregnant but is largely about flashbacks and how the Meryl Streep character (Donna) came to be in the original predicament of not knowing which of the three guys were her daughters father. Streep’s younger self is played by the incredible Lily James (Cinderella/Baby Driver) and a bevvy of stars take over the roles of the younger versions of all the other main characters. Pierce Brosnan, Julie Walters, Dominic Cooper and Colin Firth have full roles once again and there are new additions such as Andy Garcia, Omid Djalilli and Celia Imrie and a certain American gay icon we revealed in THEGAYUK back in January.

    The queen of camp and everyone’s gay world Cher is in Mamma Mia 2 and not just as a cameo. She has one featured solo song and joins in 3 others playing the part of Meryl Streep’s mother and Seyfried/James’s Grandmother. Even though Cher is only 4 years older than Streep in real life! Of course, Cher started out as a musician with then-husband Sonny back in 1965 with the likes of the chart topper ‘I Got You Babe’. Midway through her career, she moved heavily into acting to huge success with the likes of Moonstruck, Mask, Silkwood and Mermaids the latter of which produced the infamous “Shoop Shoop Song”.

    via GIPHY

    Weirdly although she has kept up her music career she has only made one other musical in her 53 years at the top, the very unsuccessful Burlesque in 2010. Therefore Cher in a hit musical is very big news indeed and the gay internet will explode come July 20th for sure. The song she sings in Mamma Mia 2 is Abba’s third number one ‘Fernando’ which was not featured in the first movie – it is the groups second biggest seller after ‘Dancing Queen’ and was never included on any Abba studio album. Cher’s version which she debuted at the CinemaCom the exhibitor’s expo in Las Vegas and it is expected to get a single release but it won’t be the lead single from the movie.

    Both Benny and Bjorn from Abba appear in the movie in a university clip for Arrival album track ‘When I Kissed The Teacher’ whose superb video is already available online and is a return to form similar to the original ‘Dancing Queen’ let’s all head to the harbour singing clip which is the lead out track and is very good indeed. All well and good but there is a fly in the ointment as the groundswell for the lead single has drifted heavily towards the hit ‘Angel Eyes’ from the original Voulez Vous album.

    Neither Teacher or Eyes were in the original movie nor indeed the stage musical. Mamma Mia 2 has a mix of songs not in Mamma Mia 1 together with extended versions of songs only briefly featured last time out such as ‘Thank You For The Music’, ‘Supertrooper’ and an epic choir lead full blown ‘I Have A Dream’. A couple of classics return to keep the fans happy including of course ‘Dancing Queen’, ‘Mamma Mia’ done in the style of the Zorba The Greek music and ‘Waterloo’ which last time was just over the credits but this time gets its own set piece when the younger versions of Donna and Sam visit a Napoleon-themed restaurant! Yes, you read that right, this movie is full on camp. There is no room this time for ‘The Winner Takes It All’ as it was thought that there could be no improvement on the original Meryl/Pierce clifftop version.

    So what new songs make the cut this time is the 64,000 dollar question on every Abba fans and gay man’s lips. This time you get epic sunlit productions of ‘I Wonder (Departure)’, Abba’s saddest ever song, ‘Kisses of Fire’, ‘The Name Of The Game’, ‘Happy Hawaii’, ‘I’ve Been Waiting For You’, ‘My Love My Life’, ‘As Good as New’, ‘If It Wasn’t For The Nights’, ‘On and On and On’, ‘Like an Angel Passing Through My Room’, ‘The Way Old Friends Do’ and ‘Head Over Heels’ but still no ‘The Day Before You Came’ or Abba’s legendary unreleased 25th hit single ‘Put On Your White Sombrero’ which was dropped from its release spot in 1982 as the band split on the eve of its release (It is available only on the Box set).

    There is a star-studded European premier organised and there are strong rumours that all four of the original line up will attend which they have not done so since the theatre production premiered in Stockholm 16 years ago. The team behind the Mamma Mia juggernaut are the same and the writing has now been taken over by Richard Curtis of Four Weddings/Comic Relief and Notting Hill fame so expect the laugh quota to be up. They are now in discussions to produce a second stage musical to tour the World to partner the original so it looks as though Mamma Mia Here We Go Again is here to stay. The musical stage production depends on whether the movie/CD and DVD are hits and with the film being released on the anniversary exactly the same day 10 years on as the original means that hopefully the stars are aligning, of course it is perfect counter programmed entertainment to the World Cup Football tournament too alongside Oceans 8, Book Club and I feel Pretty which will help Mamma Mia 2 cost $40 Million dollars and its predicted box office is $120 Million so the stage musical should be green lit in August all being well.

    We will review the new movie next month.

  • FILM REVIEW | Solo: A Star Wars Story

    SOLO: A STAR WARS STORY – The second standalone film loosely around the edges of the ongoing 8-movie main space saga. This time we get Han Solo’s origin story, how he met Chewbacca and got his hands on that famous spaceship.

    Nutshell – A young Han Solo is a street criminal who gets involved with a major heist which goes wrong leading into some dramatic twists and some even greater high adventure across many planets as he meets Lando Calrissian, Chewie, the Millennium Falcon & others in a boys own tale way before the rebellion and all we know in the Star War’s universe, so why is it the poorest yet?

    Running Time – 135inutes – Cert 12A.

    Tagline – ‘Never Tell Him The Odds’.

    The Gay UK Factor – The relatively unknown Alden Ehrenreich best known for a minor part in the Coen Brothers’ Hail Caeser takes over the Han Solo role made famous by Harrison Ford in an interpretation rather than an impression of the great man. He is a good looking lad in a sexy ‘Years & Years’ type bend over and suck chavvy way but he is much better to look at and fantasize over than watch as his acting is boring and he wrecks what should have been a great Indiana Jones in space type yarn, but he does look fit and fuckable throughout.

    Cast – Alden (Mr Wooden) Ehrenreich, Emilia (Game Of Thrones) Clarke, Danny Glover, Thandie Newton, Paul Bettany and that Natural Born Killer Woody Harrelson fresh off his superb third Oscar nom for the incredible Three Billboards.

    Key Player – Ron Howard formally of the Happy Days TV show is a great director especially with cerebral fodder like Apollo 13 & the Da Vinci Code series but he is not good at action as we see with the likes of Willow, Backdraft and InThe Heart Of the Sea. Therefore why he was picked for this and accepted we will never know. He tries his best but this was never going to be more than a three-star movie and worse, the writing and casting departments are even bigger fuck up merchants here.

    Budget – $300 Million which is a hefty price tag. It will be the first Star Wars in history to lose money in North America and this franchise does not travel as well as say the Fast & Furious/Transformers & Superhero films do. Therefore a disappointment all around and lessons need to be learnt.

    Best Bit – 0.43 mins; The first heist which is the much-telegraphed roller coaster type train sequence as seen on the posters and trailers works well. It’s exciting and you have no idea what is going to happen next – There is a world war 2 feel to it a bit but the Expendables did this sort of thing a lot better.

    Worst Bit – 1.46 mins; After the final big action sequence we get a prolonged confusing twist heavy epilogue over who has been screwing over who but frankly you won’t care. It is a real bugger’s muddle (whatever that is – probably one of our editor’s sex parties); there is one saving grace by the sudden unexpected appearance of an unadvertised much-loved character from the earlier films but soon you are back to the sodden screwy dialogue like the Handmaid’s Tail with dicks.

    Little Secret – We finally get to find out what Chewbacca’s age is – he is 190 yo which means he is 200 for a New Hope and then through all the other Star Wars films he ages to 234 yo in the Last Jedi so now we have an accurate timeline to the saga. Ron Howard was brought on to direct after the original duo of Lord and Miller had been dismissed for ‘Creative Differences’ i.e. the film was not working. It is estimated that Howard shot 80% of the final film but which scenes no-one is letting on, this film was problematic throughout like a straight guy giving his first blowjob.

    Further Viewing – Star Wars 1 through 9 obviously, Indiana Jones 1 to 4, Romancing The Stone, Von Ryan’s Express, Battlestar Galactica, Thor Ragnarok and anything heisty like say Ocean’s 11 or The Inside Man.

    Any Good – This is a three-star movie and there is nothing bad about it or particularly good either. The problem is that is just not good enough for a Star Wars film. It will be the least financially successful and the poorest reviewed of the saga and it will disappoint fans Worldwide. So what went wrong – to soon after the last one (just 5 months from The Last Jedi), poor casting, wrong director, confused ending probably tied by potential & now unwanted sequels and the existing story arcs of the characters in the original films and on top of that an appalling release schedule squashed between the superior Deadpool 2, Avengers Infinity War and Jurassic World hits. A flop all around that could have been avoided like trying to give your partner the shag of his life after 8 pints….points for effort but overall unsatisfactory and your glad when the floppy thing has run its course.

    43/100

  • FILM REVIEW | Deadpool 2

    DEADPOOL 2 – The foul-mouthed superhero is back in an improvement on the very good first film upping the laughs and story twists – the fourth wall is not just broken as destroyed making the viewer part of the movie throughout.

    FILM REVIEW | Deadpool 2
    Just how good is Deadpool?

    Nutshell – Our hero fails to kill one villain on a mission resulting in tragic personal consequences. A successful suicide attempt follows but he forgets he is the superhero that cannot die which sets everything in motion. Introduced to the X-men he meets a boy with fiery powers who has a murderous future ahead of him triggering a Terminator time travelling super villain to come back in time to change things – that’s just for starters then it gets complicated, funnier and more exciting by the minute.

    Running Time – 119inutes – Cert 15 – this superhero film is definitely not for your young nephew.

    Tagline – ‘Prepare for the second coming’ and ‘ From the studio that killed Wolverine’ – underlining this is the superhero franchise with the comedy chops.

    The Gay UK Factor – Really??? This movie stars Ryan Reynolds, the sexiest man on the planet not called David Gandy (He has been on top of the sexiest man alive polls). The trouble here is that a lot of the time he is covered face and all in his coverall superhero neoprene outfit and most of the rest of the time to fit with the storyline his face is disfigured. You do get some normal straight shots of Mr Reynolds but you do have that voice throughout so this is a movie to listen to as much as watch and let your imagination run riot…just imaging Ryan Reynolds sitting on our faces for two hours and you will get the picture.

    Cast – Ryan ‘time to get off my face’ Reynolds and some other people… well you get Josh Brolin, TJ Miller and appearances from Brad Patt, Matt Damon, Nicholas Hoult and James McAvoy.

    Key Player – Well, we would like to write more about Ryan Reynold’s ass, abs and bulging lycra but credit should also go to the superb writing team of Rhett Reese, Paul Wernick and … Ryan Reynolds, is there no end to the man’s talent. Also, the director David Leitch who just gets everything right here in that rare thing a sequel that is a great improvement on the original. Leitch is new to directing after formally being Hollywood’s top stunt guy for such films as The Matrix, 300, Wolverine, XXX, Troy and the Jason Bourne films so you bet the action here is fierce.

    Budget – $110 Million less than half that of Infinity War and this is a better film – Already it has made over $630 million in just a few days and that’s just from the gay members of the Ryan Reynolds fan club, so lockdown for Deadpool’s 3 through 10. It is the third biggest grossing movie of the year and climbing just edging out The Greatest Showman and that bird with the beard singing “This Is Me” repeatedly.

    Best Bit – 0.47 mins; A prison convoy assault by our heroes and his buds and boy does it go spectacularly wrong in a fashion that only the Deadpool franchise can pull off.

    Worst Bit – 0.41 mins Nothing very bad here at all but you do get the slight deja vu feeling when the Terminator back in time plot to change the future kicks in. Also with Josh Brolin playing the bad guy in Marvel’s Avenger’s Infinity War last month do we need him playing a different villain here… does the studio not have a release calendar?

    Little Secret – Marvel main man Stan Lee rarely does not appear in this movie. The film was shut down for two days after the death of a stunt woman in the motorcycle chase. We are also promised a wonderful extended cut with an added hour that we cannot wait for but most of all throughout Deadpool makes many references to his pansexuality and the appeal of guys and with the characters of Warhead and Yukio we get the first LGBTQ couple in Marvel history. So this is the gayest superhero film yet.

    Further Viewing – With 19 Marvel films to pick from as well as the DC Universe and many others also you may consider the best of Ryan Reynolds naked and topless go straight for Blade Trinity or his gayest roll is The Nines.

    Any Good – Absolutely – this is better than Black Panther, Infinity War, Wonder Woman and Guardians 2 making it the best superhero movie of the last year. It is so on the money from the first minute to the incredibly funny mid credit scenes. There are countless great pop culture references, superb action sequences and a laugh every 30 seconds. Pure Friday night entertainment, this is what all cinema should be like, just don’t take the kids.

    82/100

  • FILM REVIEW | Avenger: Infinity War

    AVENGERS : INFINITY WAR – 10 years in the making, the culmination of Marvels record-breaking decade. 22 superheroes, the worst baddie of all time in the second most expensive movie in history… and this is just part 1 with part 2 coming next April.

    Nutshell – The ultimate bad guy Thanos has been positioning himself over the last 18 Marvel movies and now he is ready to strike. He needs 6 infinity stones in his glove like gauntlet to rule the entire universe and all that is between him and his dastardly plan is every superhero you can possibly think of. Surely this should be an easy job for our 22 finest lycra clad heroes but no way and they start to get killed off shockingly as this dude is truly unstoppable but which of your fave’s will survive…..you will be shocked and surprised

    Running Time – 149 minutes – PG.

    Tagline – ‘Where will you be when it all ends ?’ – probably in a cinema seat next April for the biggest money making movie in 100 years of cinema.

    The Gay UK Factor – So many fit men in one movie. We are hot for Chris Hemsworth, horny for Chris Patt, want children with Chadwick Boseman, an all-night sex orgy with either Vin Diesel, Bradley Cooper or Idris Elba or preferably altogether and as for that beautiful young ass of Tom Holland… BUT and it’s a big but nothing could prepare us for the arrival of the new masculine furry faced rugged Chris Evans as Captain America – in a movie of 10 out of 10 gay sex objects this guy gets an 11 plus easily… we have not stopped wanking since we saw it and repeat viewings are guaranteed with extra tissues.

    Cast – Start with the list above and then add Robert Downey, Mark Ruffalo, Peter Dinklage, Scarlett Johansson, Tom Hiddleston, Gwyneth Paltrow, Paul Bettany, Don Cheadle, Benicio Del Toro, William Hurt and hundreds more in the most star-studded cast ever put in one movie this is big in every sense of the word.

    Key Player – In a movie of a hundred stars its difficult to pick one but Chis Pratt gets it as he is so damn funny throughout. He gets the best lines and the best action bringing his Quill character from The Guardians Of The Galaxy films to the biggest league ever…hot as hell also. The directing duo of Anthony and Joe Russo deserve much praise as this could have so easily been an indulgent dog’s dinner and it is anything but.

    Budget – $240 Million making it the second most expensive movie in history (Behind a Pirates of The Caribbean) but it made a profit in just 3 days of release with the record-breaking biggest opening ever. The film after one week is in the Top 50 grossing films of all time and the question is how high will it go? The most successful superhero movie ever? Will it topple Titanic and even beat Avatar? One thing’s for sure the second part will do even better – records are not being broken they are being totally destroyed.

    Best Bit – 0.19 mins; The first time the anti-establishment Guardians of the Galaxy meet the cocky as fuck Thor we get very funny wordplay which they keep up throughout. The best action sequence is probably Doctor Strange, Spiderman, Iron Man and The Hulks first battle in downtown New York but basically, there is not a miss-step here…

    Worst Bit – 1.02 mins … except Peter Dinklage’s giant dwarf which just does not work. The best thing from Game Of Thrones is the worst thing here but we forgive him.

    Little Secret – Tom Holland was not allowed to ever see the full script as he revealed far too much about the plot of Spiderman Homecoming previously… naughty boy. This beat all cinema opening records set by the Star Wars films and Jurassic World the only one it did not get was best Worldwide opening which is still held by the Fast And Furious franchise. The end message is ‘Thanos Will Return’ you betcha.

    Further Viewing – All 18 Marvel films including Black Panther, Antman, X-Men etc plus anything from the DC Universe such as Wonder Woman, Batman and Superman. Advance knowledge does help here.

    Any Good – If you like these sort of films you will be in seventh heaven here it’s as great as you expected and hoped for in your wildest dreams. If you are not a Marvel Studio geek then you may struggle here a bit if you have not seen most of the previous movies but sit back and enjoy it anyway. It may to some seem a bit episodic and the action and fight scenes are continuous and unrelenting. It is obvious that this is part one of two but sod it all this is amazing stuff and is a movie that will be talked about for decades. Steal a ticket now for Chris Evan’s hot sexy new look alone