The Missing Reality in Gay TV Sex Scenes like Heated Rivalry
Television has made real strides in how it portrays gay relationships. Where gay characters were once relegated to subplots or stereotypes, many shows now allow them complexity, intimacy, and genuine sexual agency. Gay sex, in particular, is no longer automatically tragic, shameful, or implied off-screen. That progress matters. But for all this newfound visibility, there remains one oddly persistent fantasy: the idea that penetrative gay sex requires no preparation at all.
Across television and film, gay sex scenes often follow the same script. Two men come together in a moment of emotional or physical intensity. There is urgency, attraction, sometimes vulnerability—and then, almost immediately, sex happens. Smoothly. Effortlessly. As if the human body is always perfectly prepared for penetration, regardless of timing, context, or reality.
Anyone familiar with gay or indeed anyone par-taking in anal sex knows this is not how it usually works.
Preparation is a normal part of many people’s sexual lives, particularly when anal sex is involved. It can take time. It can require planning. It can even influence when and how sex happens. Yet TV narratives consistently erase this aspect, presenting a version of gay intimacy that is permanently spontaneous and frictionless.
Recent series like Heated Rivalry are far from alone in perpetuating this myth. I sat aghast (clutching my pearls) as Smootie making genius Kip – up early, busying himself in Hunter’s kitchen to make his famed Banana and Blueberry drink – only to be thanked by Hunter with a “can I fuck you” to which the answer is yes, presumably – Kip had the opportunity, before Hunter awoke to brush teeth, floss, morning poop and then douche, before digging into cupboards to find Blueberries, bananas and a nutribullet.
After work, in the middle of the night, during emotionally charged reunions—there is never a pause, a negotiation, or even a hint that logistics might play a role.
From prestige dramas to rom-coms, bottoms are routinely portrayed as being perpetually “ready,” no matter the circumstances. After work, in the middle of the night, during emotionally charged reunions—there is never a pause, a negotiation, or even a hint that logistics might play a role.
The problem isn’t that these shows feature sex. It’s that they strip sex of the realities that many people navigate, creating a polished fantasy that subtly reshapes expectations. For viewers who are young, inexperienced, or still figuring out their relationship to sex, these portrayals can suggest that readiness should be instant—and that anything else is awkward, inconvenient, or somehow undesirable.
There is also a quiet stigma embedded in this silence. By refusing to acknowledge preparation, television implies that it is too unglamorous or too bodily to belong in a romantic narrative. But bodies are part of sex. Planning is part of care. Communication is part of intimacy. None of these elements diminish desire; in fact, they often deepen trust and connection.
Importantly, realism doesn’t require graphic detail. No one is asking for explicit depictions or instructional moments. Small narrative choices would suffice: a delayed hookup, a brief exchange about timing, a moment that acknowledges sex sometimes requires coordination. Even subtle signals could normalise the idea that sex is something people plan with each other, not something that simply happens on cue.
Gay representation on television has matured enough to embrace complexity. It can handle conversations about consent, vulnerability, and emotional stakes. It should also be capable of acknowledging a simple truth: spontaneous desire is real, but sexual readiness isn’t always instantaneous. Recognising that wouldn’t make gay sex on screen less appealing—it would make it more honest.
Here in the UK, we take a lot of content for granted. It’s not our fault, most of us have been brought up on a diet of free, advert-free, tv, radio and news, thanks to the BBC. But we have to change this.
As one wise puppet once said, “The internet is for porn” and he was right, it’s everywhere. It’s all over social media and there are millions of sites across the web, devoted to one of the nation’s favourite pastimes. Porn. But what is keeping this industry afloat?
There was a time when if you wanted to look at nude people doing it, (and you weren’t able to tune into Eurotrash on Channel 4) you’d have to buy a magazine, then there was the birth of the VHS and then the DVD, which revolutionised the industry and made it very successful, but like the music and magazine industry, porn’s physical products have been supplanted by the digital revolution. An entity that has turned all our passions, from music to film into bytes that no one has really managed to monetise successfully, when compared to the physical product world.
Getting access to porn is ridiculously easy and for the most part free to view and for most of us is as easy as logging on to social media.
There are plenty of free sites that offer HD videos of people going at it – and that’s great but when the end user isn’t paying for it, what happens to the creators of the content we enjoy?
People need to be paid for their performances. Editors need to be paid for their art, the photographers, the directors and all the people involved need to earn their living – and if that happens to be inside the porn industry, we should be supporting that.
For something that is pretty much in all our lives is it too much to ask that you set aside £10 a month for a subscription of your favourite studio or even star on their own OnlyFans channel?
Lizzie Jordan, Founder and Director at Think2Speak, is a multi-award-winning social entrepreneur, a mother, widow and is HIV positive. Lizzie is one person with a myriad of possible labels.
More than a decade ago, Lizzie became a mother, a widow and HIV positive all within an 18-month period. Her life was turned upside down, in 2012 as a single mother to a grieving child, Lizzie wanted to find resources and training locally for her child’s primary school. She struggled.
Lizzie recognised the issues being faced in classrooms across the UK and wanted to do something about the ‘uncomfortable silences’ young people often felt when discussing sensitive subjects with the professionals involved in their lives. 18 months of plotting and planning later Think2Speak CIC was founded.
With the recent revelation that former Welsh rugby captain, Gareth Thomas has been diagnosed with HIV, here are Lizzie’s tips on what not to say, or how to approach someone who has HIV:
Don’t bring it up unless they do:
Someone’s HIV status is their HIV status and theirs alone – as we’ve seen with Gareth he has been forced to share his news because the press were threatening to make this public. There’s nothing wrong with being curious about HIV but there are certain things that should be respected and it isn’t every HIV positive person’s job to educate you.
It doesn’t define someone:
Just because someone is living with HIV doesn’t mean that’s all they are. It’s a virus, it isn’t someone’s personality, their fault, their ‘choice’ nor is it their identity or the only subject on which they can speak.
Use your common sense:
There are certain aspects of conversation that are off-limits, but morbid curiosity often prevails. Try to think if you actually need to know the answer to the question you’re about to ask! Or maybe you can search the internet before you ask a glaringly obvious, or even insulting question.
Don’t ask how they got it:
This is perhaps the most insulting. You’d never ask the same of someone who’s living with cancer or diabetes. A lot of this kind of thinking can be attributed to the ‘blame’ culture that exists when it comes to sexual health and HIV, it is often viewed as a ‘choice’. Blame is never apportioned to other health conditions.
Don’t tell them they are ‘looking well’:
People often comment in this way as if having HIV should mean you look ravaged by disease. This is often accompanied by a well-meaning, but ultimately patronising tilt of the head. Science has moved on dramatically since the 1980s and people with HIV who are diagnosed, accessing care and treatment, live full, healthy and happy lives.
Don’t presume the worst:
Many people who ask questions aren’t aware of the fact that someone living with HIV, on antiretroviral medication, can now be undetectable and therefore untransmittable. This is known as U=U (UEqualsU). It totally dispels the perceived ‘threat’ of people living with HIV. This will become general knowledge as time moves on, but for now, education and awareness is still needed.
Overall, relax. If someone shares their HIV status with you; respect them for sharing their personal and sensitive information with you. Lots of people living with HIV, choose to share their stories to encourage awareness and understanding. Curiosity is fine, being too personal and intrusive isn’t it is all about respect.
Having lived and grown up in Wales my whole life, sexual education during secondary school was a massive let down, not only for me and my LGBT peers past and present, but also the straight community…
When teaching pubescent teenagers about sexual intercourse in secondary school PSHE classes, the teacher was always greeted with snickering laughs, comments from the lads and jokes cracked by some lame guy.
As Wales prepares to give sex education in Wales school an LGBT inclusive over-haul, I was reminded of my own experience of sexual education.
Wales have announced plans to have a major overhaul of their sexual education in schools, planning to change their current curriculum. By doing this, Wales will be ‘leading the way’ in sexual education, something that is extremely important.
The changes would mean the subject would be renamed to ‘relationships and sexual education’, and were announced by Wales’ education secretary, Kirsty Williams. Williams has said that the days of traditional sex education were ‘long gone’.
30 years ago, section 28 was introduced, which banned the ‘promotion of homosexuality in schools’. Now, 30 years later, Wales is moving forward to include an LGBT inclusive subject in sexual education. The teaching will focus on issues such as consent, domestic abuse and diversity.
The new education curriculum will come into force in 2022, and will be taught to children from five to sixteen years of age. The subject will now be embedded in the curriculum, instead of being taught as a separate subject.
Bru-nO / Pixabay Is learning how to put a condom on a banana all that helpful?
Kirsty Williams said, ‘The world has moved on and our curriculum must move with it. Sex should never be taught in isolation for the simple reason that it is about so much more than just sex; it’s also about relationships, rights and respect and that must go hand in hand with a much broader understanding of sexuality. Anything less does a disservice to our learners and teachers.’
Stonewall Cymru, and LGBT charity were pleased with the announcement. Their director, Andrew White, has been campaigning for this change for a while. White said: ‘It’s great news, particularly as this week is the anniversary of the introduction of section 28 and our research shows that a majority of LGBT young people here in Wales have heard nothing about LGBT issues in the classroom.
‘The legacy of section 28 unfortunately still lives on and this change will go some way to readdressing the balance.’
He then went on to say that these discussions should be in the classroom, as talking about it online could spread false information. ‘If we don’t, those conversations will happen on the web with sometimes unreliable sources.’
As a Welsh gay male, it’s important to see this change happen. It’s even better to see that my country, who have sometimes been a bit behind on LGBT rights, particularly in places such as the valleys, are the leading country to be putting this forward.
When I was in education, my sexual education consisted mainly of STD’s and how to avoid them, and I was always taught about wearing a condom before having intercourse with a woman. We were taught how to put a condom on a banana, and we also saw how condoms are packaged. We learned briefly about the female reproductive system, and how the egg is fertilised, but one thing we never touched on was LGBT sexual relationships.
As I discovered my sexuality, online porn websites were my education. Whilst I didn’t take scenes literally, understanding that whomever you have sex with must consent, it has been noted that people who watch porn may get lines blurred between what is acceptable in a real-life sexual relationship. Having consent taught in education systems is extremely important, for both heterosexual and homosexual people. Personally, I think what also needs to be taught is that sexuality is now being seen as fluid, as well as being young and confused. I didn’t truly accept who I was until I was 18/19.
Sexual education must also discuss alcohol and sex. Many encounters are under the influence of alcohol, and some are above board and others are sadly not. This must be covered, as ignoring the problem doesn’t achieve anything.
When I was young and watching pornography, I discovered how men have sex. I was able to tell how a condom went on by watching a porn star put one on. Whilst my body image confidence went down, I still took something away from porn other than a fun time. I learned how sex happens, and how it can work, albeit if it was edited together and the stars had no chemistry.
But learning from porn, whilst useful to me personally, is not how we should be learning as LGBT people. Even now, the transmission and treatment of HIV is rather hazy to me, and as a teenager finding sexual partners, I worried myself sick about contracting what I thought at the time to be a deadly disease. Being taught in school that HIV, whilst being deadly without treatment, is now easily treatable with correct medication, and also being taught easily preventable with the right methods, would have saved me a lot of time growing up. It would also be nice to see HIV being discussed openly as a disease that affects everyone, regardless of their sexuality. I still feel like many people see it as ‘a gay man’s disease’.
So whilst my sexual education taught me that pizza men would result in a sexual experience, I’m happy to see that Wales will now teach a new generation that sex doesn’t work like that.
Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.
As a twenty-three-year-old twink, you might think life in gay culture is bliss. But the rise of popularity on Instagram has given rise to topless men with muscle, unabashedly showing off their abs, pecks and gorgeous tans.
CREDIT: Adam Rickitt / Instagram
I’m a young man that likes what he likes, and unfortunately, I’m a sucker for a handsome man with a six-pack. I follow a lot of men on my feed, and whilst I know they’re unattainable, it’s still fun to look.
But in the wake of the #MeToo movement, bringing awareness to sexual assault and harassment to women, I begin to wonder if objectifying these men is going to become problematic. Aren’t we just as bad for lusting over images of topless men? Of course, the main difference here on Instagram is these men are living their best lives, and they’re uploading photos for the endless stream of attention they receive from their thousands of followers, or so we’re led to believe.
The constant stream of cocktails on the sandy beaches of a faraway country, of sunglasses and shorts whilst I, watch a snow storm, ignites not jealousy, but instead a sense of longing. According to a recent survey, Instagram was rated the top social media app that is bad for one’s mental health. Is it any wonder that a discovery like that has been found?
We so desperately want to quit our mundane, often dead-end jobs, for a life that seems so much better. So desperate are we that we forget that social media shows us only the good. Who uploads a photograph of them with a massive spot, dribble down their chin and from a bad angle?
Instead, we plump for Valencia filters, with airbrushed skin and cleverly crafted digital tans. The social media culture we live in has given us the best of the best, forever making us feel like we have to keep up. When we can’t, we sink lower, finding the ebb of sadness.
Goodness, we’ve got a bit sad here, haven’t we? For a first article, you’d think I’d show you my best side! But then I’d be playing up to the picture-perfect lifestyle you see plastered all over Instagram.
For men, it’s hard to discuss body confidence issues. It’s not talked about often, and so we tend not to mention it. I’m one to say I have body confidence issues, and I’m sure there would be others out there that say I have no right to be self-conscious about the way I look. But I do, and it’s common for people of all shapes and sizes to have those issues.
A common problem for men is the fear that their size is just not good enough. Straight men know their girlfriends or potential partners will discuss a ‘perfect size’, and in the gay community, we also discuss men’s sizes. The myth of the penis size is a strange one. On one hand, many people simply don’t mind. On the other, it’s preference. Body confident Instagram men show off everything, and leave very little to the imagination. With strict Instagram guidelines on nudity, the toned gods have found ways around this, showing blurs and imprints in the tightest fabrics you could ever see. It’s very unlikely to see anything other than a hand full in images like this.
It’s easy to believe that the hot men we see on Instagram don’t think like this. We imagine them earning money for every post, spending a second in the gym and getting a killer body, and spending hour after hour taking in culture, relaxing by pools, and drinking refreshing drinks. It’s easy because that is all we see of these complete strangers.
We don’t know their lifestyle, not really. We see what they want us to see. It’s hard to remember that when we’re sat in a dilapidated house, wondering how we’re going to afford rent at the end of the month.
If you ever feel like you are comparing yourself to others, it’s time to find that unfollow button, and click unfollow. Take some time away from the glossy too busy to model men, and instead focus on what’s around you.
Gay labels are ubiquitous, and some would argue that we don’t need them and even that they’re harmful. I’m talking about labels such as Daddy, bear, jock, twink etc. I think we do need gay labels, but we need them to mean something other than what they currently mean.
At the moment, gay labels refer to a whole package. For example, ‘twink’ seems to refer to a particular male build and appearance as well as a personality and implied sexuality (bottom boy). ‘Daddy’, by contrast, seems to denote a well-built mature man who is probably a total top and is into twinks.
I think we are right to be sceptical about gay labels when they are used in this way, and gay apps like Grindr don’t encourage us to think differently about them. But we can’t seem to come up with any alternatives at the moment.
Naming is important because it helps us to make sense of the world around us and to integrate that meaning into and through language.
One way of recalibrating these labels is to think about naming in terms of bodies, sexualities, and characters.
Bodies
It’s useful to have labels which describe particular body shapes, but such labels mustn’t over-reach themselves and try and encompass sexuality and character as well. They denote structural features only.
Example labels to describe body shapes and physical appearance include:
Bear
Hairy, average-to-large build, any age
Twink
Slim-to-skinny build, youthful, little body hair
Jock
Athletic-to-muscular build, any age
Daddy
Any build, mature appearance
Note that where possible, labels to describe physical appearance are age-blind and ignorant of these people’s sexual dynamics and personalities. Such labels, moreover, can refer to any male, gay, straight, bisexual, whatever.
Sexualities
Additionally, it can be creative to name different modes of sexuality and those who embody those modes. Labels to denote gay males of varying sexualities are concerned with direction – the direction bears, jocks, twinks etc. take their sexuality.
Example labels to describe (polar opposite) embodiments of sexualities include:
It follows, therefore, that there can be Dom twinks, pussyboy bears, and Dom Daddies etc. This considerably revises the way we usually think of such labels.
What I’m trying to steer away from is the widespread tendency to equate physical build and appearance with a particular sexuality.
Don’t get me wrong, though. Sometimes we are attracted to particular physical builds because of distinct sexual arousal connected with how they look. A Dom Daddy might be attracted to a slim twink because of the implied power dynamics. But such dynamics are built up through encounter and relationship; they are not inherent in particular body types. They are also connected to personality, of course.
Characters
Adjectives to describe character concern the ways personality traits enliven our physical presence and sexuality.
Example labels to describe character traits include:
Artsy
Cultured, creative, intellectual
Manly
Virile, noble, strapping
Effeminate
Graceful, expressive, dainty
These adjectives are not automatically associated with any body type, but they are associated with particular sexualities: manly Dom, artsy pussyboy, etc.
The key is to play around with different combinations and to begin using this language in more specific ways.
Example combinations include:
Manly Dom twink
Artsy pussyboy jock
Manly Dom Daddy
Effeminate pussyboy twink
Some combinations will seem strange because we are so used to associating physical shapes with sexualities and personalities. I’m not saying that our physical build and appearance are irrelevant; far from it. But when we do associate skinny twinks with being effeminate submissive bottoms and big muscular Daddies with being dominant tops, this is because these dynamics occur through encounter and desire and the stories we tell about each other. As long as we recognise that, then we’re OK.
Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.
It comes around every year, announced by the crashing onto the doormat in the hallway, abound (well it would be) invitation to the Mid Devon BDSM Dinner and dance.
I only too well remember last year’s meal… I was sat at a table facing the door. The man from the table next to me was on the floor in the foetal position. He was already at his dessert; I made a mental note not to order anything with crushed nuts.
A couple entered and were being shown to their table when I heard a resounding thud and splat. The sort of noise only heavy-duty surgical rubber makes when over lubed. Sure enough, the sub of the couple had lost his butt plug. Forced out by the 30-second long rasping fart that followed, accompanied by musical lows and highs. I could only imagine the look of embarrassment and relief on his face, as his full cover gimp mask rendered him quite expressionless.
My date for this event was Clive. A massive 22 stone of a man clad from head to foot in Biker’s leather, boots, gloves with studs and a helmet with a skeleton in relief on the back. Rather like a secret Santa event, the seating was chosen at random. I inquired of Clive as to where he had parked his bike? In the most effete of voices and with a Birmingham accent he replied, “Oh no bab, I haven’t got a bike. I came on the bus!” (pronounced buzz by Brummies). At this juncture, he extended a hand, as limp as a left out lettuce and requiring a bone in the wrist to prevent it from dangling perpendicular to the forearm. I returned the greeting taking and shaking just his index and middle finger.
Clive had long dishevelled hair, a matching beard and wore corrective glasses that almost worked. His head was facing me, one eye looking at me, the other looking for me. Our drinks arrived. I took my pint of real ale with my cuffed hands and Clive his Babycham. There we sat making small talk, a pseudo biker and me in my PVC maids outfit, crotchless panties, thigh length rubber waders and cast iron ankle shackles. I glanced around the dining room and given the assembled company I felt we blended in and were perhaps even a little conservative in our garb.
Our order for dinner was taken by an orange-hued spray tanned muscle Mary, shrink-wrapped into the tightest of trunks. I would have aged him to be in his 40s. The badge announcing that his name was Doris was worn through his pierced right nipple. From the way he twitched when it jiggled I think the piercing was new for the event. He seemed to be enjoying the pain. Though he was less than steady on his 6-inch heels, part of the reason we had steered clear of the soup.
Neither Clive nor I had any food or gunge fetishes and we wanted to eat and not wear our food. Though the same could not be said for all the diners, one of whom was having his rectally inserted, the decision having been made by his master. I think they were vegetarians and the choice of the Raw root platter must have been a veritable delight, given the moans of pleasure coming from the recipient who was bent over the table.
But I have reminisced too long. Time to look in the wardrobe, I want to stand out this year and was thinking of wearing something a little risque. I do hope they have “pigs in slings” on the menu again. I avoided them last year, being as they were, past their best by date. I will, of course, report back
Writing in 2013, writer Greg Mitchell outlined six reasons why men might call upon the services of an escort and asked if Prostitution was the last taboo.
FILE PHOTO
One will typically find, when talking about sex, that a gay man will say something along the lines of, “I’d never use an escort. I don’t have to.” The inference being, that they are too sexy, good-looking young or whatever for them to even consider the services of a sex worker. Well, let me tell you, there are many reasons a guy might choose to see an escort, and usually, it has very little to do with the way they look. Most are just average guys, the kind of guy you might have winked at in a bar, and some of the ones I’ve seen have been downright gorgeous. Admittedly, there are a few who look better with the lights out, but for the most part, they are just ordinary guys.
Six reasons
1. He’s in a long-term relationship. He still loves his partner, but his partner doesn’t enjoy the same sort of sex he does. Seeing an escort is far safer than picking someone up on the internet or in a bar. His partner is far less likely to find out about it, and the escort is far less likely to turn into a bunny boiler.
2. Maybe he’s disabled in some way. We do tend to forget the physical needs of the disabled, as if a disability should condemn someone to a life time of celibacy. One of my clients, a sweet and gentle man, had lost both his legs in an accident. Sex wasn’t easy for him, but it was possible and he still had needs. Much better to use the service of a professional.
3. This is one of the most surprising, but it happens. A young guy, who wants someone with a bit of experience to each them a few things. I wrote an article about one such experience for my blog. Take a look
4. The businessman in town for a couple of nights. He has a limited amount of time and doesn’t want to waste it hanging around in bars or trying to find someone on Grindr or Scruff (you know how time-consuming that can be). The answer, call an escort. Even better, make the booking before you arrive in town. You may be surprised to hear that many book in advance.
5. Those who want to have sex with that particular escort; probably because they’ve seen him in a movie (escorting and porn often go together).
6. Someone who wants to explore and indulge a particular fetish. Believe it or not, it can be safer to explore this with an escort, someone who has a website and umpteen ads on various sites, than someone who is a complete unknown.
Do we really wish to criminalise these men? Absolutely not, nor should the State be interfering in what is, after all, a transaction between two consenting adults. It’s my contention that the problems of trafficking, drugs and coercion could be more easily be dealt with by decriminalising and regulating the industry, rather than creating more bands of legislation and driving the industry further underground. It’s called the oldest profession in the world for a reason, and it’s time that our attitudes to both sex and the sex industry became more grown up.
Sex workers are not just stigmatised, they are also stereotyped. Till very recently, it was a widely held belief that it’s just females who are involved in professions like commercial sex work, escorting and other job profiles which are part of the sex industry.
This stereotype, however, has been dismantled in the past few decades, with men making their presence felt in the field too.
Though it can’t be said that the business of male escorts is a recent trend, it can be said with certainty that wider internet penetration has enabled people to solicit male escorts, bringing the subject into the popular arena.
This has also led to better acceptance of male escorting and the people involved in the business.
A male sex worker in the US., who goes by the name David-SF, talked about the legality of escort services in the US. in a blog on the website, aboutmaleescorting.com, which advocates and breaks the stigma around the profession.
FILE PHOTO
“Much about what I write will come from my experience in a place where commercial sex work is still against the law, so we call it ‘selling time’,” he writes. He states that while prostitution is illegal in most parts of the country, escort agencies use the phrase “selling time” to provide services for consenting adults.
It is also important to understand that escorts do not always engage in sexual activities with their clients. They cater not just to people who are sexually oriented toward being straight but also people of other sexualities as well.
Not just escort agencies, but websites around the world bring escorts closer to their clients. An article by aboutmaleescorting.com gives an insight into the scale of the online market. Results of a study of such websites suggested that most were independent and not affiliated to escort agencies, and a large number of them catered to male escorts soliciting male clients, with many sites for female clientele and couples.
Rentboy.com, founded in 1996 is said to be the first male escort ad-listing website; similar sites like Rentmen.com have also popped up. Rentboy, one of the most popular of its kind, especially in the U.S., got about 500,000 unique visitors a day in 2014.
The owner of Cowboys 4 Angels, a US based escort service that specifically caters to female clients, Garren James, in a video on New York Postsaid he was always looking for new faces to join his company.
A former male escort himself, James stated he screened all the prospective escorts or gigolos himself to ensure they had the ability to survive in the competitive industry, where female clients “expect the best” for the money they paid.
Male escorts working for the company might earn a few thousand dollars in the initial days, but pay can go up to $40,000 a month later. Many men get into the profession part-time to pay for their expenses.
The website started becoming popular in 2009, and claimed to sell companionship and not sex. James, in an article forCosmopolitanin 2015, said whatever happened between two consenting adults behind closed doors is never a part of the original agreement.
The job is not easy, with long working hours and a demanding clientele. The stigma attached to it makes it no easier.
Tommy, an escort with the website, talked about his experiences with female clients and what they sought from an escort. “Women hire me for different reasons. I think that they want somebody who will really pay attention to them, who’s really listening. She’s telling her husband about her day, and he’s watching Sports Center or doing his fantasy football picks,” he says.
“I think maybe that’s part of the reason I’ve done so well. I’m able to really care about their lives and where they’ve been. For the most part, my pipeline is all repeat clients,” Tommy adds.
Tommy also revealed that his attempts at dating women who were not his clients did not go too well as many would not accept that he was an escort; his travel and long working hours did not work in his favour either.
Another escort, Ryan James, clarified a few things about the profession in an article in Sydney Morning Herald. He denied the popular belief that he was in the profession because of a high libido.
“Guys with really high sex drives all want to be escorts and they make terrible escorts. As soon as they’re with a client they’re not particularly attracted to, they fail,” he says, adding that escorts need to have “the ability to get enjoyment from pleasing someone else.”
Meanwhile, gay escorts also revealed details about their jobs in a 2014 piece for the Huffington Post. A typical client, according to the rent boys interviewed by the website, would usually be a working professional in his 30s or 40s, who is either gay or bisexual and has no time or interest in dating and identified publicly as straight. However, each escort had different types of clients.
Many also said they had also masqueraded as clients’ boyfriends at fancy galas.
However, all accounts state that the job is not easy, with long working hours and a demanding clientele. The stigma attached to it makes it no easier.
As Professors John Scott and Victor Minichiello, authors of the book “ Male Sex Work and Society” and founders of aboutmaleescorting.com put it, “Male sex workers face a double stigma because same-sex relationships are stigmatised and sex work is stigmatised.”
by Gayathri Anuradha
Licensed from International Business Times & iCopyrightContentServices
Is latent homophobia behind NHS England’s decision to fight the recent High Court judgement on the provision of PrEP?
I’ve been quiet about PrEP for a while now, but earlier this year, at the National HIV Nurses Association conference in Manchester, I spoke passionately in favour of its implementation for those most at risk of HIV, angry at the way the NHS was attempting to wriggle out of commissioning PrEP by claiming it was the responsibility of local councils, none of which were likely to be able to afford it.
Furthermore the NHS refused to offer any support to those of us on the PROUD study who would no longer have access to PrEP. Well things have moved on a bit since then. In August, in a huge victory for the National Aids Trust, who brought the case, the High Court ruled that the NHS does have a responsibility for commissioning PrEP. In his summing up, Mr Justice Green stated that,
“No one doubts that preventative medicine makes powerful sense. But one governmental body says it has no power to provide the service and local authorities say they have no money.
“The claimant is caught between the two and the potential victims of this disagreement are those who will contract HIV/Aids but who would not were the preventative policy to be fully implemented.
“In my judgment the answer to this conundrum is that NHS England has erred in deciding that it has no power to commission the preventative drugs in issue.”
Unfortunately, NHS England responded that they would appeal the decision with a cynically worded statement to the effect that PrEP was, “to prevent HIV transmission particularly for men who have high risk condom-less sex with male partners”.
The NHS also stated that they would not now be able to confirm funding for treatments and services in levels three and four, which just happen to include treatments for children who are deaf and have cystic fibrosis. Not surprisingly the statement resulted in some of the most vituperatively questionable headlines in recent years from, predictably, the Daily Mail, but also in The Times.
Not only was NHS England giving out inaccurate information, but it was failing in patient responsibility by pitting one patient group against another, and one has to ask what was the motive behind issuing such a sensationalist statement.
I am beginning to think someone at NHS England has a personal axe to grind. In the event, Ian Green, Chief Executive of the Terrence Higgins Trust, wrote a strongly worded letter to NHS England’s Chief Executive, Simon Stevens, expressing extreme “concern” with the wording of the NHS press statement.
He concluded that,
“PrEP is not a moral issue. PrEP is a treatment which can stop a population with ongoing major health inequalities from contracting a life threatening disease with lifetime treatment costs of up to £380,000. That is all and it should be treated as such.”
As it happens, NHS England have now issued a statement to the effect that they have launched a consultation into the future of HIV-preventing PrEP, though the statement document notes that the consultation is being run without prejudice to the outcome of their appeal following a judicial review, and that their contention is still that it is not responsible for commissioning PrEP.
In the meantime, NHS England’s latest proposal that it will routinely commission PrEP for the treatment of adults at high risk of HIV acquisition is good news indeed.
Those considered at high risk and covered by the policy are high risk men who have sex with men, or MSM (a phrase I dislike intensely, though it seems we are stuck with it for the moment), trans women and trans men who have had anal sex without a condom in the last three months and are likely to again in the next three months; also partners of people living with HIV where they are not known to be on successful HIV treatment, and heterosexuals assessed to be at similar high risk to MSM.
Those of us already on the PROUD study also received some good news when Gilead, the company which produces Truvada, agreed to provide the drug free of charge for existing PROUD participants for the next six months.
I know I’ve banged on about it before, but I am convinced that the reason we are still having to fight for the implementation of PrEP, why we are even having this discussion at all, comes down to latent homophobia and a distaste for what we do in bed, and that moral judgements are getting in the way of facts.
We already know that getting people with HIV onto treatment as soon as possible means that they can’t pass on the virus. Coupled with making those most at risk immune, we have a real chance here of bringing down HIV infection rates considerably. In San Francisco, a two-pronged strategy, using TasP (treatment as prevention) and increasing access to PrEP resulted in a staggering 34% reduction in new infections between 2012 and 2014, a figure that is likely to increase as the new treatments take effect.
Yes, PrEP is expensive, though the price will come down considerably once Truvada comes out of patent in 2017, but, it is far more expensive to treat someone with HIV for the rest of their lives.
And we’re not even taking into consideration the hidden costs of dealing with mental health issues that invariably follow a positive diagnosis. Now as it happens, my situation has changed over the last year or so. Whereas, when I started on PrEP, I was having lots of sex with multiple partners, I am now in a monogamous relationship and don’t need to be on it anymore.
And here’s the point.
HIV is something that will be with you for the rest of your life. PrEP is something you might need at certain points in your life. What’s more, the Ipergay study in France came up with a different model from the daily regimen. They found that if you took 2 pills prior to having sex, and then one more for two days afterwards, you would still be protected, which is something that would work for people who have organised sex lives.
On the other hand PEP (post exposure prophylaxis), as I hope everyone knows, has been available for some time now. I was on it twice before going onto PrEP. I know of people who are accessing PEP three or four times a year, which is already costing the NHS more than putting these people onto PrEP; and I’m now hearing about guys presenting themselves for PEP several times a year in an attempt to stock pile Truvada to use as PrEP. This too is far more costly than putting them on PrEP.
It is my fervent hope that NHS England will lose their appeal and we can finally begin to bring down the escalating increase in new HIV infections in this country.
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