Category: Love And Sex

How To Massage Your Prostate
The prostate is a walnut-sized gland located at the top of the bladder in front of the rectum. It is responsible for producing a fluid that is present in semen, it helps to keep sexual function healthy and since it is located just around the urethra, it helps to control healthy bladder function, too.

Despite all of its crucial functions, many men are largely unaware of what the prostate does and as a result, they don’t do enough to keep it healthy, via techniques such as prostate massage.

Three key benefits of prostate massage
1. It increases blood flow to the prostate gland to keep cells healthy and help the prostate function normally.
2. It can release toxins from the prostate which otherwise tend to build up and lead to enlargement, pain and discomfort.
3. When performed regularly, it allows men to check for changes in the size of the prostate, which could be a sign of prostatitis (infection of the prostate) or cancer.
How to perform a prostate massage

Prostate massage can be a little daunting and feel very unusual, to begin with, but it needn’t be uncomfortable providing that it is done slowly. To begin with, it is important to clear the bowels, since prostate massage can stimulate the bowels and give the urge to go to the bathroom. After this, it is beneficial to take a warm bath or shower to ensure the anal area is very clean and help to relax the muscles in preparation for massage.

(C) BIGSTOCK

What finger should you use to massage someone’s prostate?

Prostate massage can be done with the middle finger provided that it is long enough, but many men prefer to use a purpose-built prostate massage r instead. Ensure the massager or the hands are clean; it may be beneficial to use a condom or latex gloves to protect against infection. Apply plenty of lubricant to the finger or massager, and slowly place the finger over the anus.

Very slowly and without using too much force, gently rub the finger over the anus, moving back and forth until it enters the body. Continue this motion as the finger moves deeper into the rectum. The prostate is located three to four inches inside the rectum towards the penis; the finger or massager should therefore point slightly upwards.

Gently rub the finger over the prostate whilst contracting and releasing your sphincter muscles. Continue this for as long as feels comfortable; 20 to 30 minutes is a good length of time for a prostate massage but it may be a case of building up to this over a number of weeks.

Prostate massage can be performed once a week to keep the prostate in good condition. With a little practice, it becomes less daunting and a more enjoyable experience.

This article was first published in May 2015 and has been updated with links.
16th October 2020
Here’s why you shouldn’t use those free packets of lube you get at a gay bar

Before you read on, we want you to know that although this isn’t a paid-for advert, this article does reference products sold in our shop… which helps pay to keep THEGAYUK online.

We shouldn’t be settling for those little sachets you get for free at your nearest gay bar.

Let me make it clear, I’m not knocking the free lube. I love a freebie and those packets with the condoms have probably saved countless guys from contracting one infection or another. But… while those little sachets are good for emergencies or a last-minute shag, they shouldn’t be your main go-to when it comes to your lube options.

First off they are all water-based, this is because it is the cheapest to create and all water-based lubes are condom safe. However away from water-based, there’s a treasure trove of options, from silicone to hybrid to oil-based and they all feel and act differently different from each other and you may find that one feels better on your sensitive parts than the others.

When it hurts and you have to stop, it might actually be your lube causing the issue

I recently found this out myself. I usually went with one very well known brand, but I noticed that it stung almost every time I had sex, to the point where I’d want to halt proceedings entirely after a few minutes. Annoying for my partner, annoying for me… Preparation is time-consuming and you want all that effort to be worth it, am I right?

So I moved to a lesser-known brand, which was still waterbased and that stinging wasn’t so bad… Which made me think that not all lubes are created equal.

I decided to treat my booty and bought a bottle of silicone-based lube and the difference was astounding, something I found out in one particularly long session (with a couple of guys, I know I’m a minx, what can I say). The whole session felt great if I’m honest and because silicone-based lube is generally longer-lasting you actually don’t need too much.

Plus it tends to feel less tacky on your hands.

Photo by Ketut Subiyanto on Pexels.com

Good lube is an investment

Of course, silicone isn’t going to be for everyone, but I really found that it worked for me. Lubes are a bit of trial and error. You need to take some time to find what works for you. The trouble is lube isn’t cheap. So I spoke to this with our partner shop THEGAYSHOP about putting together a trial bag that contains a number of different lubes, in smaller sizes, so you can try before investing in a larger bottle.

There’s the mixed bag, which contains, water-based, silicone and hybrid lubes and there’s the silicone only the water-based only and the hybrid only bags.

We all deserve to have good sex and for us to feel comfortable as much as possible during it too and lube might just be the answer to enjoying sex without discomfort.

13th October 2020
This dating app has put “social distancing reminders” in between its user’s listings

Just in case you weren’t aware that you’re required to socially distance at the moment as the Covid-19 infection rate continues to climb, one dating app has put a visual reminder in its listings.

So aside from signs in supermarkets, on pavements, on public transport, on TV, radio and billboards, you can now get social distance reminders in your dating app.

Butterfly Dating, which is a “transgender first” dating site and app, has put an actual physical space in between its users and put a mask and “social distance zone” warning on its search results screen, to remind its users to keep their distance.

David Minns – Founder of Butterfly Dating, said “Many regions of the world are now seeing accelerated cases of COVID-19 and additional restrictions. Adding a social distancing zone into the app and site is a simple way to remind people.

“A small graphical change today could save several lives in the coming weeks and months.”

12th October 2020
These are the places gay guys are doing the deed

What do a Catholic church in Vienna, the seat of a snowmobile and an army dorm with 12 sleeping men in it? Well apparently, they are just some of the places gay men we asked have done the deed…

So we asked our readers where the most outrageous place they had ever had sex – and well, they didn’t hold back!

Spooky sex

What if the spooks are what you need to get your rocks off?

An old vacant terrace house in New House in Newtown Sydney. It was half falling down and had no stairs so we had to climb the building to get to the second floor and it was night time and super dangerous. Very haunted looking and dusty as all hell! – Davey

An Audience?

Some people just need an audience when they perform…

The former Commercial Union building in the city of London little realising until after the event, that about 30 in the next office block were looking. So I did a bow to the onlookers. Seeing as I was a dispatch rider at the time and it wouldn’t be me, having to face the everyday office workers the next day – Adam

Overlooking Myers Park in Auckland from the 8th floor balcony of the Amora hotel…. Was great..

On an airport commuter bus in South Korea, the bus was nearly full. I went to the airport to meet my ex who had been away for about three weeks. I couldn’t wait until we got home. We sat at the back of the bus. Never been so discreet in my life – Steve

Army barracks … in a room of 12 sleeping men, all were asleep … well maybe lol who knows – Ian

Beach Bums

The beach is a popular place to get some sex done.

Weymouth beach all night just got back onboard at 0730 in the morning . What a night – Tony

On rock face of The Roaches over looking the road – Chris

Beach in Tenerife.. ? – Kelly

In the sea believe it or not, just when the waters got hip deep. Word of advice is lube up before submersion ? – Sanad

A religious experience

Oh lord…

Bell tower of a Catholic church in Vienna – John

On the altar after midnight mass – Andy

In a Catholic Church – Rene

In a Bishop’s house, Well he was paying ? (this was when I was much younger of course) – Lee

Star-studded

Bonus points for Madge mention.

Backstage at a Madonna Concert – Charlie

Public places

The rush of the unexpected…

In an exhibit at the transport museum in Covent Garden – Andrew

In a flower bed in front of a police station in Staines, Middlesex – Doug

In a photo booth, he sat on the stool, I sat on him – Simon

Just plain weird

But bravo!

On the back of a snowmobile in the Arctic! The ignition was off but the machine was swayin’ – Matthew

Up a tree, Me and bf decided to climb a tree in local park, climbed up to wide branch, wide enough to get down and dirty. (The) only splinter was his excuse for his manhood – Stevan

This article has been updated since October 2017

9th October 2020
8 tips on how to be safer when using dating apps

Author Tom Driver and editor Jake Hook give us their top tips on making sure you’re more informed before setting out on a date.

Prove the picture is him

Photo by fotografierende on Pexels.com

If he has a profile photo and you are meeting through an app, right-click the image and do a google image search it to make sure it is him. It will be very clear, quickly if the picture is a stock photo.

Name check

If you have a forename and surname back to the search engine and check out social media accounts, Twitter, Facebook and Instagram.

Web trawl

Your research could mean you will be able to cross-reference the image to make sure it is current. Find out about his hobbies. Read his posts and find out about likes and dislikes. Check out his family and friends.

There may be professional profiles enabling you to look at the work play contrast.

Chat with him before a date

CREDIT: Ryazan / BIGSTOCK

Is the guy a big drinker? If so go for a meal unless you are thinking of loosening him up and getting into the sac.

For a meal, you may already know where he likes to eat or perhaps a favourite food. Coffee or Cognac? All this insider information could make you look intuitive and compatible. Just remember if he knows all there is about you too, it is time to smile at each other and reveal you are both members of Stalkers Anonymous!

“STOP THE BUS!” You will have a foot in the door and established a rapport with these cheats, but now it is time to interact.

First Date Advice

Best advice for a first date is listen and learn. You already know about yourself, so give the guy some time to tell you about him. Wait and see if he wants to learn about and ask about you.

If he loves puppies and brought you flowers (did I mention a small gift as an icebreaker) is attentive and smiles a lot, brushing aside questions about himself, he could be a keeper.

Get Out Clause

Have an out option in case he is not for you and the thought of spending another minute with him is hell on earth. I usually have a text ready to send and a friend primed to call me if I am bored, frightened or falling into the whirly pits of despair with a guy on a first date.

Bring an extra battery

PaliGraficas / Pixabay

Don’t get caught out with the dreaded 5% battery warning. Make sure your phone is fully juiced and that you have a charging cable and an extra battery pack. Having an UBER account (if they operate in your area) on your phone with an up-to-date credit card is also essential.

Let someone know

Letting your flat/housemates, or friends or family know you’re out for the night is a good policy to have. Write down the address of the place you are going. Also, let your date know that you’ve let other people know that you’re out with them.

7th October 2020
Ten sure signs you’ve fallen out of love with your boyfriend

Falling in love can be magical. Falling out of love can suck.

Here are 10 telltale signs to look out for:

Cute Habits Turn Into Annoying Pet Peeves

All those sweet enamoured things they used to do, like holding open doors for you or putting their arm around your waist when you walk, slowly but surely become mind-numbingly infuriating. The little things that used to make you swoon now make you groan. More so, you find yourself actually looking out for these little ticks that fuel your anger and frustration rather than turning a blind eye.

You Seek Out Conflict

Picking fights used to be this grand, scary event that you’d mentally prep yourself up for beforehand. Now? Not so much. Bickering and arguing are practically the bread and butter of your relationship. The slightest of inconvenient occurrences can feel like the heaviest of set-backs. Did he forget to tell you he was seeing his friend tonight? Of course, he did, he’s so inconsiderate. Sound familiar?

Other Couples Highlight Your Insecurities

Double dates or group hangs just remind you of what’s missing in your relationship. You can feel the palpable envy in the air when a couple who can’t keep their hands off each other begin sucking face in front of you. It’s a gut-wrenching feeling to realise the infamous spark is gone and it feels better to stick your head in the sand than have your nose rubbed in it. Chances are if you’re jealous of another couple, it’s because they have something you don’t.

A Future With Them Is Unrealistic

Planning stuff together a week in advance makes you iffy. Thinking about a long-term future plan with a picket fence and kids makes you nauseous. It’s just not realistic to daydream about backpacking together or lounging on a matching set of towels together and still have it be fun. Or even tolerable. If that much time away, with only the two of you, makes you shiver then what’s the point in being with someone?

Saying Empty “I Love Yous”

Once more, with feeling. Three words that tingled your spine the first time you dared to whisper them into his ear. Your friends made such a big deal out of it. Truthfully, when you mumble them into the phone now it’s more out of habit or courtesy than love. They ring hollow, devoid of the fiery passion they once held. If they say it back in the same monotonous tone, odds are they’ve probably fallen out of love too.

A Relationship Just Isn’t What You Need Right Now

Perhaps other priorities have risen, be it a new career opportunity or needing to take care of a sick relative, and the sad yet honest answer is simply what’s written on the tin. A relationship isn’t your priority or necessarily even what you need. We all know how we love to think we know what’s best for ourselves. But it can be a bitter pill to swallow and admit. Maybe you rushed into things. Maybe you didn’t consider what you wanted out of the relationship. Maybe you don’t need to be in a relationship right now and that’s okay if you communicate it to your partner and not let it fester up and snowball.

You Care About Them… As A Friend

Attraction is important in a relationship. It’s not everything but it does play a pivotal role. If that attraction were to burn out, what’s supposed to be left is mutual respect and trust… right? So where do the distinct lines of friendship and relationship end? Attraction is a pretty good indicator. If you’re lucky enough to have a partner that ends up feeling like both a friend and a lover, congrats, but if it leans towards platonic (and let’s be honest, you know when it does) rather than romantic then that’s pretty self-explanatory.

The Thought Of Breaking-Up Isn’t Heart-Breaking

A long time ago, losing your significant other would absolutely crush you. Three to four months of mourning, minimum. Ice cream and tears galore. What springs to mind when you think about it nowadays is… meh. Not only do you find yourself caring less and less if you’re with them or not, seeing them doesn’t make your heart pitter-patter anymore. It wouldn’t shatter if he left for good, either, and if that’s the gospel truth well then that’s a pretty darn good sign.

He Doesn’t Satisfy You Anymore

There are plenty of things to do to spice up your sex life. Whole books are written on the topic. But if your relationship is suffering its very own mid-life crisis, it’s very likely that what used to be there isn’t anymore. Perhaps that’s where the jealousy of other couple stems from; sex is no longer pleasurable or as exciting or fun as it used to be. Tearing each other’s clothes off used to be common practice. If you’ve scheduled out a mandatory coitus sesh every Sunday night, and the thought of snacking afterwards is the only driving force to your climax, then it’s a pretty clear indication that the love part of your love-making is existentially dead.

You’ve Fallen For Someone Else

The ultimate sign that you’ve fallen out of love: being in love with someone else. Of course, this last sign only applies to monogamous couples. To have someone’s undivided devotion is wondrous. What can end up stinging the most, however, is finding out the hard way that’s not the case. People don’t like hearing it but there’s no easy way around telling someone you’re in love with someone else. Coming to terms with it yourself is a good starting point.

If any of these ten signs ring true, maybe you have a few things to consider. If not, cherish your love (or your singlehood!) and let’s all agree that love is simultaneously the biggest mystery and wonder of the world.

This article was first published in Sept 2017

1st October 2020
ADVICE | I have achy balls, what should I do?

Dear TGUK

I sometimes get aches in my left ball. I’ve done a check for lumps but haven’t found anything odd – or unusual. There’s been no blood in my pee or cum.

The pain is like a dull ache that goes from the bottom of my balls to the pit of my stomach. It doesn’t last very long. Because it doesn’t happen all the time I haven’t been to the doctors about it, but wondering if I should.

Paddy, Dublin

Hello Paddy

Re-occurring pain anywhere is a reason to get checked and you should see your GP for an examination. It could be something entirely benign or something more serious although from what you say you don’t have other symptoms.

These are:
A new hard lump on the testicle
Swelling or enlargement of a testicle
An increase in firmness of a testicle
An unusual difference between one testicle and the other

However there is no harm in being on the safe side and ruling this out by visiting your GP or GUM clinic and if it is anything serious, the earlier it’s caught the more effective the treatment. If you get a significant acute pain that persists in either your testicle or abdomen, you should see your doctor for urgent review.

The advice listed above is not intended to replace or take the place of that of your own doctor, GP or medical professional who knows your full medical history. If in any doubt make an appointment with your doctor as soon as possible.

Have you got a dilemma you’d like us to help you with? Click here to write to our team of experts.

This article was first published in September 2016

28th September 2020
Seven iconic sex scenes from the movies, you need to try at home

We’ve found some scenes from TV and film which would be totally hot to recreate – by yourself, your boyfriend or even a small gathering. Enjoy.

The article contains NSFW videos. Click here to continue and agree that you are over the age of 18.

Pages: 1 2

27th September 2020
ADVICE | Did I catch Herpes?

Dear Jose,

A f*ck buddy of mine has just told me he has genital herpes but says he’s never had it whilst we’ve had sex.

Can I still get herpes if he’s not got an outbreak?

Tim.

Dear Tim,

Genital Herpes is an infection caused by the herpes simplex virus (HSV), which can cause painful blisters in your genital area. It can be passed from person to person during sexual contact and is a long-term condition. The virus remains in your body and can become active at any time. HSV can affect any mucous membrane, any moist lining, such as your mouth – and can cause cold sores.

So, unless he has an active herpes infection, that is visible lesions then it is unlikely that you will be at risk of contracting herpes.

However, if he is infected he should be undergoing treatment. This lowers the risk of catching herpes even further but as the virus is transmitted by skin to skin contact I would recommend that you go and get checked at your local sexual health clinic.

Using condoms or a dental dam (if you’re rimming) are great ways to further lower the risk of herpes, or other STIs passing from one person to another.

There are various treatments for herpes you can buy online to help you with the symptoms. However, you may need a prescription.

The advice listed above is not intended to replace or take the place of that of your own doctor, GP or medical professional who knows your full medical history. If in any doubt make an appointment with your doctor as soon as possible.

Have you got a question for our experts? Click here to write to our Dilemma’s page.

25th September 2020
12 Things Gay Porn Didn’t Teach Us About Sex

Gone are the days of watching Charlie Hunnam getting rimmed on Channel 4 or stealing a look at the Chippendale annual.

The internet is practically 98% porn these days and it’s a magical world where everyone is beautiful and versatile. But here’s the parts they like to gloss over…

1. You can’t just shove it in.

Nope nope nope, don’t you dare go in dry and without a little finger action first. Unless you’ve found a guy with a self lubing, gradually increasing in size penis, there’s absolutely no way that’s going near my butt hole without enough lube to drown a killer whale and not before you’d diddled my fancy for a bit first. And speaking of lube…

2. Lube gets EVERYWHERE.

In the films, there’s zero mess, but reality is a totally different thing. You get lube all over your hands, the bed, each other, the cat, your grandma and next door’s begonias, and you’ll go through several pairs of underwear wiping that stuff off before you can even contemplate being seen in public.

ALSO READ: 1 7 Confessions About First Time Gay Sex

ALSO READ: Is There Life After Gay Porn?

3. Douching is not only polite but a necessity.

Spontaneous sex in gay porn is a lie, we all know that if you’re going to bottom you need to do the nice thing and make sure you’re clean first. This will obviously require a thorough shower and/or a good douching, and that takes planning. Even a hook-up requires at least a half hour’s notice.

4. You’re not going to get a straight guy to “turn” for money (well maybe)

There are numerous sites out there of “straight” men being paid to let a horny cameraman play around with him. I dare you to try the same thing on your street, it most likely wouldn’t work. In just the same way you wouldn’t go near a lady garden for any amount of money, a straight guy isn’t going to allow you to top him for £100. Most “straight” men in porn are either gay, or bisexual. Maybe you’ll get lucky and a straight guy will let you fondle him over clothes for a pint.

5. Threesomes are far more awkward than you think.

One of the ultimate fantasies, the threesome. You’re all douched, they’re all douched, you have lube to hand and you’re ready to go. Whether it’s with two random hookups or a partner and extra person, when it gets down to the nitty-gritty, you’re generally not entirely sure when to start and who touches who, and you can spend a few very tense minutes just chatting random shit before one of you gets naked. Even then there’s the issue of who’s getting the most involved, so to speak.

6. Condoms don’t magically appear.

Rarely in porn do you see a guy opening the box, and struggling to get a condom out of the packet with his teeth, all while still getting you ready for the onslaught and then faffing about with putting it on. In porn, you see an unsheathed member just about to *hem hem* enter and then suddenly the camera angle changes and he’s magicked a johnny onto his dick. Unless all gay porn stars are witches, I think they might be being a little economical with the truth.

7. No, not all actual people look like that.

If porn is to be believed, all twinks look the same, as do all daddies, and bears. This obviously isn’t the case, someone with a twink body could have a face like a road accident, daddies aren’t all under than 45, and not all bears are basically a hairy, slightly older Zac Efron. Gays come in all shapes, sizes and ages and the sooner you accept that, the more likely you are to get laid instead of waiting for fantasy guy

8. The pizza guy/repairman/delivery driver/your lecturer isn’t going to sleep with you either.

You can’t get out of paying for a service by offering your dick, and chances are the pizza delivery guy is going to be a spotty 17-year-old who would punch you if you made a grab for his junk. Your washing machine isn’t going to be repaired in exchange for an angry handy J. And your lecturer isn’t going to give you an A because you offered your A. Pay for your stuff you cheapskate.

9. The dicks look bigger for a reason.

Now the average dick size is around 5 – 6 inches, but porn stars seem to all possess donkey dicks that make you ponder your own. Here’s a little secret, most male porn stars are under 6 feet tall because a 6-inch dick on a 5′ 6” guy is going to look bigger in comparison (Remember Justin Bieber is only 5′ 7”) Camera angles (we’ve all taken a flattering dick pic) also add to the illusion of monsters. So don’t be disheartened.

10. Public sex isn’t as fun as it seems.

At the gym, in the video store (they still have those?) outside, on a train etc. etc. is a hotbed of illicit and horny sex where the general public is utterly oblivious to what’s going on if porn is to be believed. But unless you’re in the middle of nowhere and it’s after dark you’re in all likelihood going to get caught out. You can’t just drop your kecks in Asda and bone over the grapefruits without someone politely asking you to stop because you’re scaring their elderly mother.

11. Most of those positions are not comfortable.

Gay porn stars seem to have just come off the set of a Cirque du Soleil “who’s the bendiest?” video shoot with some of the positions they manage to get themselves into. A vast majority of them are purely aesthetic and used to get the best looking shot, and notice how they never stay in those positions for long, it’s because your legs would happily divorce you and take half your stuff if you were trying to hoist a guy around for 20 minutes in the same ludicrous position.

12. Not everyone is versatile.

Shock horror right… Ok maybe not. But in porn there’s flip-flopping around, everyone gets a go and everyone is happy. But the reality is a nasty business, and this isn’t happy gay fluffy bunny land. You’re going to get guys who are 100% bottom or 100% top and no amount of persuasion will convince them otherwise, give it up buttercup.

by @AndyEG1982

^{This article was first published in May 2016}

21st September 2020
These guys share why they are strict bottoms

While lots of us will settle with a “Vers” label there are many gay or bi guys who will only bottom or only top.

These self-identified bottoms, on a Reddit forum, reveal why they are strictly bottoms.

[totalpoll id=”122890″]

Delaying the O

“I like bottoming for several reasons: first, the feeling, but secondly it lets me maintain control and delay my orgasm, because otherwise, I’d be pretty quick. I also really enjoy turning a guy on and pleasing him, so all combined makes me a great bottom and a not so great top. Have the urge every once in a while, but it usually passes pretty quickly.” VIA

(C) REALITY DUDES

Love the domination

“I love the feeling as he slides inside and the feeling of being dominated by a guy and his dick. I also like the idea that the top is totally getting off knowing I want it him to do me.” VIA

Bored topping

“I love ass and I’ve had many guys want me to top them but I like a dick in my ass more than mine in an ass. I’ve tried both and I get bored topping because it doesn’t feel that good to me and every bottom expects me to cum from that which I just can’t.” VIA

Big butt that brings the boys to the yard

“I mainly btm because of my big… asset… It’s a big part of the physical attraction a top has to me… and some of the guys that have btm for me grab my ass and tell me they wish they had a big bubble butt like I do… also, since tops enjoy rimming me so much, I can’t really complain, it’s enjoyable and pleasurable and an ego boost when a top become subservient to pleasing my ass… which is kinda the opposite of actuality because it’s really two cheeks and a hole, but it’s as if they are trying to pleasure my butt instead of get their dicks off.” VIA

(C) BIGSTOCK

A different kind of orgasm

“The sad thing is that some people look down on bottoms like they’re only in it to please their men and secretly it’s just always painful. So ridiculous. My ass has EASILY brought me as much pleasure as my dick, and it had a lot of lost years to make up for! yeah completely different kind of orgasm, and much better in my opinion.” VIA

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Some of these answers have been edited for clarity and grammar. It was first published in September 2018.

17th September 2020