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DILEMMA | My Straight Mate Keeps Coming On To Me
This week a reader asks what he should do about a straight mate who keeps coming on to him. We asked our community of writers what they thought.
CREDIT: © gstockstudio Dear TGUK
My straight work mate keeps coming on to me… We’ve been hanging around lots and lots and he’s actually pretty cool with me being gay and is often flirty. He was one of the first people I came out to at work. We’ve worked together for over 5 years.
At first it was all in good jest and his flirting just made me laugh, but now it’s starting to actually turn me on and is making me question whether he’s gay or bi?
We’ve been spending more and more time together and we’re planning a lads’ weekend away, which we’ve done before – nothing happened, but I’m wondering whether I should make a move – or ask him whether he actually likes me. He has a girlfriend and she’s a good friend too.
I’m worried if I make a come on and goes wrong it’ll ruin our friendship…
What do you think?
S, Johnson, Wiltshire
Jordan Lohan, Hove
This could go hideously wrong. As attractive and hot an idea it is to get with the straight / not so straight boy, you have your friendship and his girlfriend’s heart hovering above the shitter. Enjoy the fact that he is comfortable enough with you, and his own sexuality to be flirty. Making a move or potentially having sex will complicate EVERYTHING, think of the atmosphere at work- you don’t need that- so don’t mess this up, buttercup. If your feelings are starting to go a little deeper than just fantasising, then you’re going have to suss out if you can actually manage a friendship with him without anyone getting hurt. I would suggest you perhaps opt out of this particular weekend away while you figure stuff out.
Stuart Bird, Surrey
Dear Confused
You have answered your own question over his sexuality. You’ve been away before and nothing happened. It could be that he is just very comfortable with himself to be as comfortable with who you are. These men do exist. By coming onto him you push the boundaries of your friendship to another level. If he isn’t gay or bi then you risk a lot more than losing a friend. Work will be disrupted; your friendship will also be lost with the girlfriend.
Tell him you fancy him. Compliments are easier to wiggle out of than coming on. I was going to say go for the easy option and not go on the lads’ weekend and start pulling yourself away. Be prepared for a possible change in your relationship if you do confess. He may become guarded around you and the flirtations stop but it will put your mind at ease as to where you stand. However if he values you for who you are he will take it as a compliment, flirt more and make your life a comfortable hell of fun.
What makes this even harder though is that he won’t be the only straight man in the world you’ll fall in love with. One day you will cheat on your pretend boyfriend.
ALSO READ: Dilemmas | I’m Afraid I’ll Be Left Alone
Paul Nicholls-Whiteman, Brighton
I have by a simple few words in life. These have stood me in great stead and I found it useful.
If you don’t ask you don’t get.
Apply this to your ‘could he be bi and coming onto me’.
You also say he has a girlfriend and that they are your friends so if you just assume his sexuality you could lose big time.
By being upfront and honest with him you’ll still keep your friendship in tact.
The advice above has been given by our community of writers who have drawn from experiences in their own lives and is should not be considered as professional advice.
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CAR REVIEW | Seat Ibiza FR Red Edition 1.2 TSI
★★★★ Seat Ibiza FR Red Edition 1.2 TSI | I’ll say it now and get it out of the way. The Ibiza has just too much Volkswagen about it.
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Kelly Clarkson’s AI Performance Is Everything Music Should Be
Kelly Clarkson’s emotional rendition of her song Piece By Piece leaves everyone in tears.
Singing at the American Idol finale, Kelly Clarkson broke down several times during her performance of her latest single Piece By Piece – giving viewers one of the most emotional performances ever seen on television.
The emotional star battled till the end of the song, which describes a father who never leaves his child and restoring faith that fathers “should be great.”
Kelly, who is pregnant with her second child wrote the song whilst pregnant with her first.
Both Jennifer Lopez and Keith Urban, who are on the judging panel of the show were in tears by the end of the song.
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Woman Convicted Of Murdering Her Severely Ill Father
A trans woman has been found guilty of murdering her severely ill father at their home in Essex.
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Hannah Spearritt Up For 20th Anniversary Of S Club 7
It may be a couple of years away, but Hannah Spearitt has signalled that she’d be up for a reunion S Club 7 tour.
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As A Gay Man Can I Donate Bone Marrow?
This week our legal expert Matt Parr answers a question about Bone Marrow Donation for gay men in the United Kingdom.
Dear Matt,
I know that gay men can’t currently give blood – but I was wondering about bone marrow. If someone in my family was to need my bone marrow for surgery can I legally give it? Also if I just wanted to give bone marrow to anyone, regardless of any family connection is this possible or legal?
Love what you do…
OT Horne
Thanks for your question, it’s great that you have thought about the need to donate bone marrow.
The main difference between the donation of blood and bone marrow however is that to donate bone marrow you would first need to have a thorough medical examination before being permitted to donate it.
You’re mistaken in your perception that gay men cannot donate blood full stop; the criteria recently changed in 2011 and it is now only if they have had anal or oral sex with a man in the last 12 months with or without a condom will they not be permitted to donate. This is simply because of the increased risk of the unknown exposure to HIV/AIDS. In order to donate bone marrow through NHS Blood and Transplant you need to already have joined the blood donor list. Effectively, therefore the same criteria apply to the donation of bone marrow as to blood.
NHS Blood and Transplant rely on people being as honest as possible (and realistic) when questioning them on the possibility of them being HIV positive (backed up by their own stringent screening processes, which of course are never fail safe).
If donating through the Anthony Nolan charity, however, then you will not be permitted to donate if you (or your partner) are, or think you are HIV positive or you are involved in high-risk sexual practices that may increase your exposure to sexually-transmitted diseases (amongst others). In essence, the decision as to whether you can donate will depend on a number of factors, both sexual and health related- not sexuality.
There is no strict 12 month time frame of celibacy prior to donating.
The best advice I can give you is consider contacting the NHS Blood and Transplant service to discuss the process. If you are a sexually active gay man then your options are limited to donating through Anthony Nolan.
Got a legal question? Visit out Legal Clinic homepage
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Submit Your Question To The Legal Clinic
Submit your questions to our expert legal team.
You should always seek your own professional representation and any advice given in these pages is for guidance only. THEGAYUK and its legal team are not responsible for the outcome of any issue raised within these pages.
BACK TO LEGAL CLINIC HOME PAGE
Every month we choose a couple of your legal questions and get our legal specialists to provide FREE impartial advice.
So if you’ve questions about
- Wills
- Probate
- Tax Planning
- Lasting power of Attorney
- Civil partnerships
- Surrogacy
- Co-parenting Agreements
We apologize not all issues or queries will be or can be answered and we will not answer emails individually. Sending an email to our specialist indicates that you accept your legal issue might be published in an edition of THEGAYUK Magazine.
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You may be contacted by a member of our team for additional information of necessary.
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We cannot publish every submission or give an answer to every submission sent.
THEGAYUK is not responsible nor the legal specialist who answers submissions for the actions taken by an applicant after receiving advice. You are strongly recommended to seek professional legal assistance.
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Updated 08/03/2017
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Legal Clinic
Welcome to the UK’s first free legal clinic specifically designed for the LGBTI community.
Here you’ll find some answers to the most frequently asked questions – as well as the opportunity to submit your own queries. Take a look through our database of legal documents which have been answered and submitted by some of the best in law.
Got your own question? Use the link below to send your question to the legal team.
Adoption | Civil Partnerships | Donations | Surrogacy | Discrimination | Employment | The Law and Transgender People | Submit
Who are the legal experts?
David Peachy And Charles Irvine
QualitySolicitors
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Bette Midler’s Retro Crack PSA Is Everything
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