Dr Goldstein did warn that using a shower hose wasn’t the safest way of making sure your booty was anal sex ready, as water pressure and temperature can cause damage, but he also warned that excessive douching will get rid of the good, essential bacteria in your gut.
However, if you are going to use a shower douche he advises that shooting water up your rectum, holding it inside you and then letting the water go, isn’t the optimum way of getting clean or keeping your ass safe.
Instead, the Doc suggested a more steady approach revealing, “the key is kinda like a colonic, where water is going in and water is going out, so that you’re never filling up” was the best way to make sure you get everything right, adding “it’s not the way to roll”.
He also suggested that when it comes to douching that “less is more”.
So there you have it. Less is more and think colonic!
Porn Star Jordan Fox took to his social media to shame a guy he had sex with because he didn’t douche.
Let’s talk about Top Privilege for a moment, shall we? WTF.
Jordan Fox took to Twitter to publicly paint or nugget shame a guy he had sex with. He showed off a dirty condom after a guy he had sex left. Paint shaming is shaming a bottom if the rectum isn’t fully emptied and a poop incident happens during anal sex.
In his now deleted Tweet he wrote, “Just f**ked a guy and look what happened, can’t you bottoms clean your ass properly before getting fucked ?? I’m not into scat! SHAME ON HIM”
He also used the angry and vomit emoji.
CocktailsAndCocktalk reached out to Fox for comment, who replied, “I was just upset, because there is a guy that always messes up my bed, because he never douches…”
“I was just upset in the moment”.
The moment? You had enough time to take the condom off, time to take a picture of the condom, time to open Twitter, time to write the Tweet, time to press Send.
We’d say that there was some definite cooling off period…
He told C&C that he “prefers his partners to douche” and that it wasn’t his intention to attack anybody.
The star received a fair amount of backlash to his Tweet so wrote a warning Tweet on his timeline, “PLEASE NOTE: there is no place for haters on my profile so anyone doing bad comment or insulting me will be blocked immediately. If you dont like me then just dont follow me”
The Tweet was accompanied with the fist emoji.
Treating bottoms with respect
The star also ran a poll in which he asked his fans whether bottoms should be treated with respect.
When the poll returned with the majority saying bottoms should be treated with respect he wrote, “Seems bottoms do not want to be respected..that’s fine I ll treat them like pigs”.
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Some veggies can make for great and super cheap sex toys…
If you are using a piece of veg and you’re by yourself, it is most likely to be safe without using a condom, with a few provisos.
Make sure you wash that thing (let’s call it a vegtoy) good and proper. You don’t want to be putting whatever is on the skin of your vegtoy – like insecticides, bacteria from other people’s hands who have touched it first and well, general dirt from the ground that might be left on the veg.
Once you’ve washed it you’re good to go, after you check that there are no hard edges or pieces that likely to come off.
However, if you’re using it with another person – and you’re sharing the vegtoy, then you should, as with any insertable toy you use in anal play, use a condom. One, it helps protect you from sharing any infections the other person may have but, two, it also helps with keeping the toy clean from, well, let’s face it poop if you’re anally inserting.
Just remember veggies are often much harder and bigger than you think. In all likelihood If you actually saw a penis the size of a Sainsbury’s organic cucumber, you might run from the room screaming, (although we do like a challenge).
Another thing to consider is that as certain veg warms up (with your body warmth), a cucumber and definitely a banana will become a bit mushy. If it breaks apart you might have trouble retrieving parts from inside you. If this happens, don’t stress. Smaller parts will eventually come out if you let nature take its course.
A word of warning: Extreme caution must be used when inserting anything into your butt that doesn’t have a handle, a flared base or gives good grip. Many people have ended up in A&E after failing to retrieve a cucumber, banana or carrot lodged in their rectums. A painful experience that can actually lead to death if left untreated.
We would urge anyone who has gotten anything stuck up there to seek medical advice immediately, no matter how embarrassed you feel.
Most if not all dildos come with a flared base. If you’re looking for an inexpensive dildo, check out the range of dildos at THEGAYSHOP.
It’s best to use implements that are actually designed for insertion, such as dildos and vibrators.
If you are going to insert a carrot, gherkin, cucumber or banana, make sure you’re relaxed. Some of these veg can be much larger than a penis, so using lots of lube and taking your time is a must. Oh did I say use lots of lube… There are a few types, Water-based, Silicone and even numbing.
Using fruit and veg could be a great way to excite and reignite your sex life. Using soft fleshy, non-acidic fruit such as honeydew melons or watermelons can be an exciting way to get new sensations. Simply put a hole in it and thrusting in and out will provide interesting brand new feelings.
Alternatively, you can always use other foodstuffs such as chocolate spreads or even Marmite, who recently brought out body paint.
Oh did I say use lots of lube…
If you’re looking to insert food, why not try a lollipop or ice cubes, which will melt. Use the ones that you can make yourself with a plastic stick. Store-bought lollipops might have a wood stick, which could leave splinters inside you. Ouch!
There are a number of products on the market that promise to numb your booty before anal sex… but do they work?
In a way, yes they do. Well, at least the one I road-tested did!
I recently tried a numbing lube. As it turns out, it does numb, but is that a good thing?
There are many reasons why someone might want to try out using a numbing lube. Perhaps you’re scared about your first time, perhaps you just find anal sex too painful, maybe the guy you’re with is packing something extra big, maybe you’re going to be using an extra-large toy.
Before going down the numbing lube path, you might want to take heed from Doctor Evan Goldstein of Bespoke Surgical who gave a warning against the use of numbing gels or lubes – especially if you’re planning to take something huge up your ass. He said the problem with the numbing lube is that if you’re doing damage to yourself, you might not feel it.
He said, “A lot of people are using numbing lubricants or poppers or other to relax, and the reality of that, is that it leads to injury because a lot of people don’t feel the trauma happening”.
But as long as you’re aware of this factor, you should be okay.
So how to proceed?
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I don’t know about you, but I like to warm up first so to speak. Maybe a little toy play by myself before allowing a real-life dick in. I do this so when we get down to it the actual penetration doesn’t take so long – or having that horrendous sharp stabbing pain that you can get if you’re not completely relaxed – it’s a complete mood killer.
The first time I tried the numbing lube I used it on my fingers first before putting it on the toy, I normally use to get myself ready. It’s worth noting that numbing lube takes a little while to anesthetise the area, around about five to 10 minutes. When I went to put in the toy, I didn’t really feel anything. In fact, it just seemed to slide all the way in.
The actual sex? Well, it was rougher and I could take it for much longer than usual. All good in my books!
So do you actually still get pleasure?
Yes, strangely you do. The G-spot doesn’t seem to be affected by the application of the lube, I guess because it’s not actually exposed to the lube.
Any downside?
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However, it was afterwards that was most uncomfortable for me. When the numbing wore off. I felt like I had been well and truly rammed by a traffic cone and it lasted for quite a while, whereas normally after anal sex, I don’t get any ache or pain.
I put this down to the fact that I really hadn’t warmed myself up before. Normally I take things slowly to make sure the muscles are all relaxed.
So my advice is, to warm yourself up with just normal lube first, then when you feel comfortable, insert the numbing lube up inside you as far as you can get it. You could even try a lube syringe or a lube launcher, which will help place the lube right where it needs to be. You can then also put some on and around your hole to help with getting past the first ring!
You may want to try and minimise the contact with your top’s penis, however, because if it numbs your ass, it will also numb his dick, so be sure to wear a condom, or first put a layer of non-numbing lube on his dick first before he enters you.
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Help us deliver unique, usable and reliable journalism that supports the gay, bisexual and curious community of the United Kingdom. Can you help protect LGBT+ media? Publishers like us have come under severe threat by the likes of Google and Facebook. The problem is that advertisers are choosing to put their money with them, rather than with niche publishers like us. Our goal is to eliminate banner ads altogether on site and we can do that if you could pledge us a tiny amount each month.
We’re asking our readers to pledge just £1 per month, more if you’re feeling swanky. You can stop payment at any time.
It’s quick and easy to sign up and you’ll only have to do it once.
But the guys in porn have “perfect” unblemished butts…
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In this day and age, where people are airbrushing everything into a smooth paste aren’t we forgetting that natural is beautiful?
One of the problems with watching porn is that it can give you unrealistic expectations of your own body. Some guys in the porn industry have their bum holes bleached, which is an option if the brown skin around your anus is really bothering you. Also, don’t forget that bright lights can also help even out uneven skin tones.
Also, there’s a case where some people maybe be embarrassed by the colour of their holes that they don’t actually take the plunge and appear in porn.
It is completely normal for the skin around your asshole and in the perineum area to be darker, it doesn’t mean that the area isn’t clean and shouldn’t be thought of as shitty or dirty.
In fact, many guys will find that their scrotum is a slightly different colour to the other parts of their body, it can be darker, lighter or redder than the skin around that area.
Again this is completely normal.
So what can you do about it?
Well, firstly you don’t need to do anything about it. It’s natural… But if it’s really bothering you there a number of options. You can go down the root of anal bleaching.
There are “at home” offerings although people but also there are saloons and beauty clinics that offer skin bleaching.
The hymen is part of the female anatomy, which can get broken when a female loses her virginity. So do males have something similar?
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The hymen is a thin membrane that covers part of the external vaginal opening in females. Weirdly, it doesn’t seem to have an actual use, according to Wikipedia, that suggests, “the hymen does not seem to have a specific physiological function and has few, if any, nerve endings”
But it can cause pain when and if it’s ripped. It can be ripped by inserting a tampon, injury or by having sex – although not always. Many women complain of a sharp pain and blood spotting when the hymen is ripped, however, some women don’t feel it. It may, or may not cause bleeding when it is ripped.
So do men have a hymen?
So medically biological men (sometimes referred to as cis-gender men) don’t have a hymen – and there’s nothing that males have is biologically similar to a female’s hymen – however, if men have anal sex, or engaging in pegging, discomfort may be caused during the insertion of a penis or dildo for the first time – it may even cause a rip in the anal opening – which is why lots of lube is recommended and taking lots of time in order to have penetration.
However, trans men, those who were born with female anatomy but have transitioned to men could very well have a hymen if they haven’t had lower surgery.
Want some tips on bottoming for the first time? Check out these ideas from five guys who give their best suggestions for anal sex.
Bleeding after anal sex can be just ‘one of those things’ and can happen on your first go round or your 100th – so to put your mind and butt at rest, here’s why it happens.
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Anal sex can be an integral part of a sexual relationship, but not all couples do it – however, there’s a lot of wrong information out there about bottoming.
Your rectum is not self-lubricating, so unless you’re using lube, you’re going to be creating a lot of friction, which can cause the lining of the rectum to tear or rip a little, if this sounds hideous, it might be worth noting that most of these rips are tiny – and can actually happen outside of sex as well. These rips can cause bleeds – and most probably you’ve had bleeds but never realised it.
It happens because the lining of your rectum is not as strong as your normal skin.
Also, anal sex could also be causing what are known as anal fissures – which are tiny rips that can happen both on the inside and on and around your actual hole – especially if you’re not relaxed or have not loosened yourself up before the main event. These can heal all by themselves within a few weeks.
The P Word…
Another issue is the dreaded P word – yes piles.
Bleeds may be caused by popping a pile or if we’re going to be medical about it, haemorrhoids. Piles are completely normal and are the enlargement of a blood vessel that already exists inside your butt. You might not even know you have one until it pops during sex.
Some people have visible piles on the outside of the anus, whilst some have them on the inside.
There’s no evidence to show that having anal sex causes piles but it can inflame the issue.
Jose Perez de la Cruz from THT told us, “So long as the piles are not actively bleeding or painful at the time on intercourse then it is probably safe to have sex. If they are bleeding or there is inflammation though this means that the natural protective barrier formed by the skin and mucous membranes is not at its optimum which if exposed to an STI can make transmission more likely”.
“So long as the piles are not actively bleeding or painful at the time on intercourse then it is probably safe to have sex. If they are bleeding or there is inflammation though this means that the natural protective barrier formed by the skin and mucous membranes is not at its optimum which if exposed to an STI can make transmission more likely”.
If you’re suffering from haemorrhoids you can buy Preparation H or Germaloids online and this should help ease them away and give yourself a few days rest from sex to help you heal.
When should go to the doctor about anal bleeding?
If you are experiencing a lot of pain or prolonged aching after sex you might need to seek medical help. It is normal for there to be some discomfort for a day after, especially after your first time. However, if pain continues you should go and see your GP or book yourself into a sexual health clinic.
If there is a lot of blood (think steady drip rather than a bit of spotting on your toilet paper) you should go and see your doc ASAP.
Dr Shawn Khodadadian, a board-certified gastroenterologist in Manhattan, is cautioning people against ignoring rectal bleeding. He warns that rectal bleeding could be a sign of other, far more serious illness such as colorectal or colon cancer. He said,
“as there are many possible causes and getting an early diagnosis is particularly important. This is because although rectal bleeding can be a symptom of haemorrhoids, colitis or anal fissures, it can also be a sign of a far more serious illness for example colorectal or colon cancer. These types of cancers can often be completely cured when detected early.”
Your gonna need lube and lots of it
So the best way to stop the friction is to use lube a lot of it. You can find out about the different types of lube here. If you’re having a long session – they don’t forget to keep reapplying the lube or use a silicon-based lube, which should last a lot longer.
Remember, despite what you see in gay porn, you can just ram it in. You need to take your time, use lube and go an inch at a time!
If you’ve found yourself with haemorrhoids more commonly known as piles here’s the best way to treat them.
Suffering from piles when you’re a bottom or even a power bottom could spell disaster for your sex life. But even if you don’t have anal sex, then piles can be a real pain in the arse (pun unfortunately intended). The fact is that piles or haemorrhoids are a fact of life for many people.
Piles are caused by swollen veins in the anus. They can be caused by straining when going to the toilet (number two), mainly during constipation or sitting on the loo for too long.
Many people don’t even know they have them – because they can occur inside your rectum – where you can’t see them.
When they come out your bottom, that’s when they can become a bit of a problem.
Does anal sex cause piles?
But before we go on, let’s clear one thing up, they aren’t caused by having anal sex.
Jose Perez de la Cruz, a Public Health Practitioner at the Terrence Higgins Trust told us, “anal sex has the potential to inflame pre-existing haemorrhoids (piles), though research shows that it does not cause them in the first place. So long as the piles are not actively bleeding or painful at the time of intercourse then it is probably safe to have sex”.
What’s the best way to cure haemorrhoids?
If you’ve got piles, here are some tips on how to get rid of them.
Sex
Firstly, you should probably take a break from receptive anal sex if you’ve got piles. Firstly, depending on how bad your haemorrhoids are, they may burst and cause bloody sheets and lost of blood and could be quite painful. Secondly, if you’re not using condoms and you are not on PrEP, you might be opening yourself up to blood-borne infections and viruses.
Creams
The NHS suggests that piles can often clear up by themselves, but there are several treatments that help with discomfort and itching. There are creams and suppositories, which are manually inserted into your arse – which can relieve swelling.
Jose continues, “I would recommend using Preparation H (under a fiver) or Germoloids (over a fiver) to help control pain and inflammation and to reduce swelling. During sex, it is also important that you use a good water-based lubricant, particularly during acts of multiple people or high-frequency sexual activity as this will reduce the chance of any inflammation being caused.”
Jose also suggests if the piles don’t clear up after a while that you book an appointment with your doctor to talk options.
Diet
Your diet can play a bit role in helping you clear your piles, particularly if you have constipation. The NHS suggests you should increase fibre in your diet. You should also increase the amount of water you’re consuming and avoid caffeine. If you are constipated your GP may prescribe laxatives to help you poop.
There are also more intrusive medical ways to rid yourself of haemorrhoids and you can read about them on the NHS website.
The advice listed above is not intended to replace or take the place of that of your own doctor, GP or medical professional who knows your full medical history. If in any doubt make an appointment with your doctor as soon as possible.
Have you heard about nugget shaming? Well, boys, it’s about time we talked about it.
The terminology might be new but it’s something most bottoms will know. That feeling of dread as your top pulls his dick out of your butt and your lower colon has left a little “gift”, the nugget if you will.
You see, sometimes we forget, both tops and bottoms, that our booties have more than one use. It’s not just a sexy plaything it’s actually the place were our bodies evacuate the waste from our bodies and it can’t be expected to be 100 percent clean 100 percent of the time – because our bodies are constantly making new poops. It’s nature’s miracle. It’s natural and you can’t stop it, nor should you want to.
Let’s examine this. Porn tells us, and let’s face it, that’s where we get most of our sex education, thanks to a woefully inadequate sex ed policy, that bottoms must ready 100. At a moment’s notice a bottom might be expected to be able to take a 10 incher immediately, for a 20 to 30-minute pounding and at the end must not expel wind or have any trace of the substance that usually comes out… lest it ruins the atmosphere. That expectation isn’t necessarily disposed upon us by toxic tops, nope, sometimes that expectation is all us – and why wouldn’t it be, in the absence of education, expectation is sometimes all we have.
Of course, bottoms will have their tricks – half an hour of douching, Immodium, fibre supplements, yes, even the rhythm methods can be used, I’ve even heard of some porn stars eating nothing but fruit and ice for up to two days before a shoot, but ultimately we can never be sure that when you pull your d out of our a’s that it’s not doing to produce a little nugget for you – and maybe we need to be okay with that.
After all, that’s why we have wipes, towels and showers isn’t it?
So give your partner a break and don’t shame him if an accident happens.
Did you know what you might consider ‘too quick’, might actually be completely normal? A study which looked at the average jizz time of 500 couples found that the average time of climax for the man was five minutes. So once all pistons are firing, don’t expect to last much longer than a few minutes – and that might be just okay.
It’s not always clear why premature ejaculation occurs, but it’s thought that there are a number of factors that could lie at the root of the problem. For example, it could be linked to a physical health issue, such as prostate or thyroid problems, or it could be linked to depression, stress and anxiety.
But if you’re aching to last a little longer there are some things you can do to make you go the distance.
First rule out anything medical.
As with anything to do with the body, if you’re worried, book an appointment with your doctor. There could be a number of medical reasons why you’re cumming too fast. According to the NHS website, the causes of premature ejaculation could be the symptom of a medical condition, from the prostate to thyroid issues.
Recondition yourself
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Let’s face it, most of us practice a lot of self-loving. And that’s completely natural and okay. The only problem is that most of the time when we’re masturbating we’re not worried about the length of time we’re actually going at it. Therefore if you condition yourself to cum quickly that can transfer to sexual encounters with other people. So, next time you could try extending the time you spend alone with your dick, maybe even try edging, a technique in which you wank right up until the moment before you climax, stopping then starting again. So you don’t actually cum immediately.
Decrease Sensitivity
Sometimes the feeling of being in his ass is just too good that it leads to you spaffing all too quickly. So desensitise the head of your penis. You can do this in a number of ways. You could wear a thicker condom. Or you could try a gel. You can check out delay sprays and gels from Amazon.
Deep breaths
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Also, try taking deep breaths when you’re on the verge of ejaculating as that briefly shuts down the ejaculatory reflex (an automatic reflex of the body during which ejaculation occurs).
Pharmacy2U’s Clinical Governance Pharmacist Phil Day told us, “Use positions where you or your partner can pull out easily and quickly if the act of penetration is too stimulating”.
Changing positions also gives you a moment to get your breath and take a moment to calm yourself down.
Phil shared that “many sex therapists recommend adopting a ‘stop-start’ technique entailing taking breaks during sex and thinking about something bland and boring. The NHS also echoes that idea on its website, writing, “take breaks during sex and think about something boring”.
One of the ways to make sure you last a little longer than usual is masturbating an hour or two before you think you’re going to have sex. This will take the urgency out of the sex and should make you last longer. It might also make you less horny than if you had waited, but this is trial and error and it’s worth seeing if it works for you. Make sure you wash your dick thoroughly after you cum – if you don’t you might end up with a smelly end (smegma can form very quickly) and nobody wants that. Well, some guys do.
Medication in the form of tablets is also available to treat premature ejaculation in men who experience this regularly and where it causes distress and is usually taken one to three hours before having sex. You will need a prescription, which can be obtained from your own doctor or through a private consultation with an online GP.
As always communication is key to a happy sex life. If you’re concerned about your premature emissions, talk to your partner about it. See how they feel. You never know he might be completely happy with how’s all working out. If not then you can have a chat about how you change your sex to make things last a bit longer.
