Netflix has upped its game when it comes to romance and gay content. Long gone are the cheapy looking, terribly scripted – soft-porn gay-themed movies. Instead, there are some incredibly refined, touching films well worth the watch.
UPDATED MAY 2020
Alex Strangelove
High school senior Alex Truelove’s plan to lose his virginity to a loveable girlfriend goes awry when he meets the equally lovable Elliot.
Holding The Man is a 2015 Australian romantic drama film adapted from Timothy Conigrave’s 1995 memoir of the same name. GAYUK RATING: ★★★★ Read our review| LENGTH: 2hr 8m | YEAR: 2015 | CERT: 15
Ideal Home
Celebrity chef Erasmus and his partner Paul lead a comfy life until they become impromptu caretakers to the grandson Erasmus didn’t know he had.
However, one 20-year-old guy on Reddit, got to wondering why it was bothering him that so many guys around his age had slept with guys 10 years older than them.
He wrote, “Something that’s struck me as odd is that a lot of them have been with guys that are like 10 years older than us. Even a few 18-year-olds seem to have had intercourse with thirty-something-year-olds and are more sexually experienced than me
“I’m not sure why this upsets me, but I’m curious to know if you guys think that hooking up with older guys like this is really common. Also what does this say about the young guy? What does this say about the older guy?”
[totalpoll id=”117406″]
CREDIT: Yastremska-bigstock
Here’s what some of the commenters had to say.
You okay hun?
I’m more curious about why it matters to you [via]
Really very common
This is extremely common. Lots of younger guys are into Daddies. I’m 39 and if I’m on Grindr or whatnot I get hit up by lots of guys in their late teens and early twenties (more so than guys in their late twenties and their 30s hit me). [via]
It’s what you’re into I guess… I mean I’m the same age as you and I almost exclusively go for guys older than me because I absolutely love daddies and the age difference turns me on but also there aren’t many guys my age who are out in my area so I’m kinda forced to go for older guys. [via]
Going with the flow
As someone who has been with multiple older guys, it’s just preference. Some days, I want a guy in his 20’s like me. Some days I want a guy in his mid 30’s. Sometimes I want a silver fox in his late 50’s or 60’s. [via]
So do age gaps really matter as long as everyone’s consenting and of legal age? Use the comments below to let us know what you think
I’ve been with my boyfriend for 6 months and he has a fantasy he wants to fulfil. He wants me to have sex with someone else as it’s a turn on for him to hear about it or watch it if I film it.
We are not open, I’m the top and he’s the bottom, but he wants me to have sex with someone else one-on-one without him present. We have had a threesome before together, which is fine because we were both there, but I’m not comfortable emotionally having sex with someone else one-on-one without him present.
With the threesome it was a one-time thing, again he had a fantasy of me fucking someone in front of him, so we did that and it seems to have satisfied him until now. I’m not opposed to having sex with someone else per se, but he wants me to bottom for someone else which I haven’t done in 6+ months and I find that to be very intimate.
Even though he says he has no desire to have sex with others, himself, I am also concerned that will change and he’ll use this as a reason if he wants to do it, himself. I am also worried about what this would mean for our relationship. I do not want to be open, I would consider this a one time experiment, but once you open Pandora’s Box, you don’t know what could happen.
Can you advise if this is a healthy fantasy, what it means, and what you think would happen if I go through with it? Thanks!
Dear Oliver
I think you’re right about it being Pandora’s Box, once you’ve opened up your relationship it can be quite hard to close the lid – unless both of you are totally in agreement.
It seems to me that you’re not both on the same page at this point. You’ve only been together for six months – understanding your partner’s wants and needs takes time and visa versa.
As it stands, it seems he wants you to have sex with people outside of the relationship, effectively opening up your relationship, while you’re happy to have a little opening – but not a wide-open door. At the moment you’re both on a different scale on how open your relationship is.
I would schedule some time to talk and get on the same page.
You both need to make clear what your boundaries are and how far you’re willing to go and what your fears are. But remember that all relationships need a certain amount of compromise – the questions is – are the compromises that you offer each other the ones you’re willing to make?
Of course, compromises should never be so extreme that you’re ultimately in danger or unhappy. Compromises surrounding sexual and mental health issues need to be taken off the table. You’re allowed to say “I’m not comfortable with that”.
Compromises surrounding sexual and mental health issues need to be taken off the table. You’re allowed to say “I’m not comfortable with that”.
You’ve also talked about how things are a “one time experiment” the trouble is that way of thinking can be very limiting. People change, tastes change, expectations change. You might find that you really enjoy doing a particular activity – should it only be a one-time thing, if you’re both into it?
If you can, I’d go in with an open mind and with an open dialogue. Check-in with each other to see how you’re both doing.
As for the fantasy element, almost all fantasies are healthy, but it’s how, when and why you act upon them, which can lead to something being amazing or very unhealthy.
As long as you’re both open and honest with each other about the why’s, how’s and when’s then relax, have some fun.
It’s your relationship, you both get to decide on the parameters – no one else.
If it isn’t fun or safe, then stop.
Remember if you’re opening up your relationship, or thinking about having sex without condoms, consider talking to your local sexual health clinic about PrEP, getting vaccinations for Hepatitis and HPV.
You know that story of Aladdin? The one where he rubs his lamp and gets his wishes? Well, imagine your partner’s body is that lamp. A little bit of rubbing in the right places will have him granting your every desire.
Massage is a feel-good indulgence, and it has real health benefits. It’ll improve circulation by encouraging the flow of blood to your body’s tissues and get rid of metabolites such as lactic acids. By stimulating the lymph nodes, you can improve the immune system, but best of all it stimulates the endorphins. You know, the body’s natural feel-good chemical.
So get your hands busy on your man – don’t go straight for the genie (new penis euphemism) try and rub around elsewhere and you’ll have him granting at least three wishes.
[totalpoll id=”116090″]
Preparation.
Ask your gentleman to lie stomach down on the bed. Naked. Now, this is the tricky bit, because you’ll probably want to get right down to business, but hold out – it will be worth it.
Put some pillows under his stomach to support the lower back. You – the masseur, should wear some loose-fitting cotton, full-length joggers or pyjamas. If you don’t, the massage will feel quite prickly once you start using oils.
Have the lights turned low, maybe some candles? Massage candles are incredible to use. After the fragrant candle is lit, its wax melts into a pleasantly warm massage oil. Just pour a little oil onto your partner for a pampering, indulging and nourishing massage.
Place a pillow under his head so he can rest his head on one side comfortably.
Feet.
(C) BIGSTOCK
Gently rotate each foot in circular motions three times clockwise and anticlockwise. Cup your hands around the ankles and rub downwards towards the toes. Work your thumbs into the sole of each foot and the arch of the foot. Feet carry a lot of tension, especially if your man spends a lot of time on his feet. Gently pull each toe to help release any tension in the toes. Sometimes you may hear them click as they release, this is fine and normal. Listen to his reaction. You soon learn what he loves and what he’s less keen on.
Legs.
Working upwards, warm some essential oil into the palm of your hands and work your palm upwards towards the heart. Use moderate strength. When you reach the calf area use your thumbs to massage into each of the calves. The calves are huge and strong muscles and may need extra attention. Keep the massage movement long and sweeping. The blood should really start pumping as you near the…
Buttocks.
As tempted as you might be to stop off here and end the massage tour of his body, don’t! It will be all worth the while when you’re done. The butt is the biggest muscle in the body; you can apply much greater pressure here to help release any tension that he may have. If your man is feeling a little self-conscious, then always massage from the outside edge of the buttock to the middle – if you work the other way round you will open the cheeks of the buttocks and expose him, which may make him feel uncomfortable.
Back.
CREDIT: Wavebreakmedia-Depositphotos
Running your fingers up your partner’s back should have him squirming in pleasure. The back is a massive erogenous zone for many men – so he’ll enjoy a variety of different techniques here. Tracing his spine with your two thumbs run the entire length of the backbone, stretching out the top of the neck when you get there. The lower and middle back may be carrying a lot of stress, especially if he works in an office all day and sits for extended periods. Using some more oils and gauging your partner’s reactions start are the base of his back and work the muscly area either side of his spine. The shoulders maybe tense so begin gently with your thumbs, progressively increasing the pressure to rub out those crunchy muscles.
Work your thumbs in circular motions; gently apply pressure and kneading the muscles. Be careful not to place both hands on the neck as this will feel like you’re about to strangle him.
Neck.
It’s a susceptible area, so again be gentle. Gently stroke and work your thumbs and fingers into the sides of the neck. Work your way into the back of the head, and lightly knead the scalp.
With long sweeping motions run your hands doing his neck to his coccyx (tailbone just above his asshole.) Do this a few times. This should really get him purring. Run your fingers down his crack to his scrotum – he’ll most naturally open his legs wider for you to gain access. Run your fingers around the area to really get his passion lit.
Passion
Then let the passion commence. You can use the oils to have a slippery time together rubbing your bodies against each other – but it is best to rub away oils from the anus if you are going to penetrate. Essential and other massage oils will damage condoms and weaken condoms.
Always use a water-based lube with condoms. Never use essential oils as a lubricant for sex. You don’t want to end up in A&E.
When you know, you know. So what’s the best way to call time on a relationship?
CREDIT: Wavebreak-Media-Ltd-bigstock
So if you’ve decided that time is up on your relationship we’ve got some suggestions on how not to make a pig’s ear out of the breakup process. Yes, it’s likely to hurt, and it’s probably going to get messy. So here’s ten tips on how not to be a douche when you dump someone.
1) Is it really over?
Are you sure? Can it be fixed or perhaps, more importantly, is it worth fixing? If it is then maybe, you need to hash it out with your partner. Have an honest discussion about your feelings. Maybe it’s worth seeing a relationship and sex therapist to help you navigate the issues you’re both facing.
2) Give an actual reason.
Don’t trot out that clichéd line, “It’s not you, it’s me”. Do you know how annoying that is? It means nothing and doesn’t help the other side have some closure. If there’s no other reason apart from the fact that you’ve fallen out of love, then say that. It can be harsh to say, but the reality of those words should hit home.
3) Quit it and don’t go back.
ARRRRGHHH. Stop playing with my heart. If the relationship is over, make sure it’s over. Don’t give the impression that things could be fixed if they can’t be.
Chat with your friends about your plans before you make that break. They may have some insight or advice for you. Ultimately it’s your choice, but it doesn’t hurt to communicate what you’re feeling.
5) Think about you, but also think about him.
Remember you did once love or intensely like this guy, so be nice. Be honest and be firm. THEGAYUK’s very own Jordan Lohan suggests: “Honour the love you once had for each other by being respectful to one another during the breakup process.
Breakups don’t need to be messy if you choose for them not to be.”
6) Don’t procrastinate.
CREDIT: Minerva-Studio-bigstock
If you’ve made your decision don’t hold off until the “right moment”. Even if that means you’re going to lose money, because you’ve got a holiday coming up or theatre tickets or whatever. If you own a house together or have a huge financial commitment together, then you might need to stay together for a bit longer, once you’ve broken up, until you can sort and separate your finances.
7) Don’t feel sorry for him.
He’s not a child, and he doesn’t need your pity. Try not to feel guilty for your actions. You’re doing this for a reason, hopefully, to make you both better people! Keep focused.
8) Set out some post-bofxit (post boyfriend) rules.
Set out some simple communication rules. Only texts, only emails – or whatever works for you. Don’t get drawn into long, complicated conversations. Keep it polite and professional.
He might have a few words to say after you tell him you’re done. If he gets angry, just listen. Don’t retaliate and don’t goad. If you feel physically threatened leave. It’s only natural that if the breakup comes as a shock that he might react in an angry way.
10) Plan your exit.
Don’t rely on him to drive you home or lend you cash for a cab after breaking it off. Make sure you know what your exit plan is.
It’s fair to say that as gay men there are some scents that drive us insanely lustful, but these will vary widely from guy to guy.
One man’s musty Calvins is another’s worst nightmare, however scientifically there are, apparently, some fragrances that arouse guys and the clever bods at Cosy Owl have discovered that there are a few smells that drive guys wild.
Along with psychologist Daniel Sher, Cosy Owl dug deeper to find out what worked and what didn’t.
These are the scents that triggered a sexual response
Pumpkin Pie, Black Liquorice and Doughnut came up as the most arousing scents for guys.
So the next time you find yourself in a Krispy Kreme’s line and holding down a raging man pole, it could be the scent of those holely cooked goods that are getting your all worked up!
Daniel Sher is a registered clinical psychologist and a consultant for the Between Us Clinic commented,
“Previous studies suggest that the combination of lavender and pumpkin pie is the most popular scent, followed by black liquorice and doughnut. Other studies suggest that musk triggers a sexual response because it is reminiscent of testosterone. Women are also most likely to have a sexual response to odours including baby powder; and candy with cucumber.
“Neurological studies which show that the olfactory lobe (the part of the brain responsible for processing smells) is one of the structures that make up the limbic system (the emotional centre of the brain). The limbic system also plays an important role in a person’s sex drive. Based on brain anatomy, therefore, researchers believe that sex, smell and emotion are all closely interconnected”.
Richard Fewings of Cosy Owl also commented:
“We wanted to turn up the heat and go all the way this Valentine’s Day by helping our customers with their ‘interior decorating’ skills (wink)… If you want to ignite the flame in your relationship, make sure you have these scents ready and waiting at home this Valentines Day.”
Is your relationship on the rocks? Was 2019 a tough year, research has shown that people are rowing about what their other after is posting online!
Just under half of all Brits admit they have secretly checked their partner’s Facebook account and one in five went on to row about what they discovered, new research has revealed.
One in seven said they had contemplated divorce because of their other halves activities on Facebook, Skype, Snapchat, Twitter or WhatsApp.
People are angry at the amount of posting their partners do
CREDIT: monkeybusinessimages-bigstock
Nearly a quarter or the 2,000 married Brits asked, said they had at least one argument a week with their partner because of social media use and 17 per cent said they rowed every day because of it.
The most common reasons for checking their partner’s social media accounts was to find out who their partner was talking to, to keep tabs on them, to check who they were out with and find out if they were telling the truth about their social life.
While 14 per cent said they looked specifically to identify evidence of infidelity.
The research was commissioned by family law specialists Slater and Gordon who have seen an increase in the number of people citing social media use as a cause of divorce year on year.
Andrew Newbury, head of family law at Slater and Gordon said:
“Social media can be a wonderful way of keeping in touch with family and friends, but it can also put added strain on a relationship.
“Five years ago Facebook was rarely mentioned in the context of a marriage ending, but now it has become common place for clients to cite social media use, or something they discovered on social media, as a reason for divorce.
“With more than 556 million people using Facebook each day, the way we live our lives, and our marriages, has drastically changed. We are finding that social media is the new marriage minefield.
“Social media, specifically pictures and posts on Facebook, are now being routinely raised in the course of divorce proceedings.”
It wasn’t just what their partner was doing on social media but also how long they spent on it that was likely to cause marital problems with Facebook usage topping the list of reasons couples argued over social media.
Arguments were also caused because of contact with an ex-partner, sending secret messages and posting inappropriate photos.
One in twenty even complained that their partner didn’t post any pictures of them together which made them upset.
Fifteen per cent of Brits considered social media to be dangerous to their marriage, with Facebook considered the most dangerous, followed by WhatsApp, Twitter and Instagram.
But one in ten admitted they hid images and posts from their partner, while eight per cent admitted to having secret social media accounts.
A fifth of respondents said they felt uneasy about their relationship after discovering something on their partner’s Facebook. 43 per cent said they confronted their spouse immediately about this, but 40 per cent said it took them some time before they felt comfortable to raise it with their partner.
While a third said they kept their social media log-in details a secret from their partners, 58 per cent said they knew their partner’s log-in details, even if their spouse wasn’t aware they knew them.
Andrew Newbury, head of family law at Slater and Gordon said:
“Social media can also make a divorce more difficult. Divorce is already a stressful time for everyone involved and what is being posted on Facebook can antagonise families and make a speedy resolution more difficult to achieve.
“We are now actively advising our clients to be cautious when it comes to using Facebook and all forms of social media because of its potential to damage relationships.”
Five social media tips that could save your relationship.
1. Don’t post in anger.
Your post will be seen by all your friends, family and potentially millions of others. Even if you later delete your post, the damage will have been done.
2. Be respectful.
Don’t complain about your partner or other family members online.
3. Be transparent.
Check with your partner before you post images or information.
4. Check your privacy settings.
You might think someone can’t see a post when they actually can.
5. Take a break and enjoy the moment.
You don’t need to post everything on Facebook, Instagram or Twitter.
A reader asks how he can still have sexy time with his man but make sure that they leave no trace for the inlaws to find.
DEAR UNC
This Christmas my partner and I are staying at his parents, of course, because we’re randy f**kers I want to make sure we can still have sex, even if it is just a fumble between the sheets. What can we do to make sure that the inlaws don’t find our cummy rags or tissues?
Gavin, Totteridge
Dear Gavin,
Have you ever heard of the Rich Man’s Wank? I implore you to employ the RMW technique this Christmas. It’s very simple.
When you have your fumble under the sheets, instead of cumming over yourself (which you then have to wipe down – leaving crusty evidence for the inlaws to find) use a condom.
Yes, sometimes it escapes us, but the humble condom has more than the two normal uses (sexually transmitted disease protection – and blow up balloons at prides), yes you can use it as a semen collector – which, let’s face it, is what its main function actually is.
When you’re done, tie a knot at the opening – come the morning, simply pocket that Jonny, complete with all your little swimmers and flush it (you’re not supposed to do that) so you can bin it in a wrap of tissues.
Apparently breadcrumbing is the new way of completely messing with people’s minds. Especially if they’re interested in dating you, but you’re just not so into them, but you’re stringing them along with a flurry of flirty messages or texts.
“the act of sending out flirtatious, but non-committal text messages”
So the definition offered by Urban Dictionary is “the act of sending out flirtatious, but non-committal text messages (ie “breadcrumbs”) in order to lure a sexual partner without expending much effort,” which is kinda leading people on, right?
It can also be used for someone you have broken up with but don’t quite want to let go… or keeping a guy on hold if you’re not quite ready to date him yet.
Free-Photos / Pixabay
Mobile or tech dating is just a fact of life as we head into the twenties… and sometimes it just tough to get a straight answer from someone so, like Madonna sings, “Don’t go for second best baby… Put your love to the test”.
It’s not really unusual for gay and bi guys to open up their relationships…
(C) BELAMI
Sometimes what we do in our own community might seem strange to those outside it, like this straight-identified man who took to Reddit to ask whether it was normal for gay guys to have open relationships after his gay friend confided in him that he was getting bored of married life after just one year and decided to have a threesome.
Reddit gays were on hand to let him know that it’s not that uncommon that gay couples, but not always, to open up their relationships – to differing degrees.
So what are those degrees of an open relationship?
Where a couple might talk or fantasise about having a threesome or a four-way with another couple. It’s on the table, the discussion is happening, maybe they even watch threesome porn together, but they’re not physically committed yet.
There’s the casual threeway, where you both agree on the same person and are both involved. The couple sets up a date and go for it together.
The screen door
http://gty.im/6262-000289
This is where a couple regularly has three ways, four ways or even attend orgies. They are okay with their partner having sex with other people and don’t necessarily have to be involved, as long as they are in the same room or building or event and have both agreed to the sex that is happening outside the relationship.
This is where the couple is open and honest about having sex with other people. There still may be rules attached to the sex, like condoms only, but generally, both parties in the relationship are happy about their partner having sex with someone else. The line would be drawn at creating an emotional attachment to someone outside the relationship.
The Truple (the swing door??)
I can’t take the door analogy any further but the truple is where a couple decides to open their relationship in all senses, sexually and emotionally and allow a third to become part of the family.
So what do you think? Are you open to an open relationship?
