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Is there any right way of picking up a straight guy at the gym?

The gays often have a fantasy that fit straight guys are so horny all the time that they’d be more than happy to abandon their heterosexuality in exchange for a quick blowjob in the changing rooms between sets.

But has this actually happened to anyone? Seriously, we’re asking. If anyone has successfully sucked off a straight guy that was genuinely straight while at the gym you’ve got to get in touch and tell us about it, Dear Penthouse Forum-style.

What does the internet suggest?

CREDIT: curaphotography-bigstock

This article began when I “stumbled upon” an old post about how to pick up straight guys at the gym. In it, the author claims to have successfully stalked picked up plenty of straight guys, and if you follow his tried and tested method you could too.

This method involves the following steps:

Step #1: Find out the guy’s name – either by eavesdropping or looking at his membership details when he swipes into the gym (not creepy at all).

Step #2: Search the Internet and Social Media – once you have his name you can easily search the internet for info and images of him. A good ole fashion cyber-stalk.

Step #3: Get all muscled up and ask for a spot – a perfectly acceptable practice in the gym that is also the start of plenty of pornos. Be sure to “Dress somewhat sexy but keep it tamed down.”

Step #4: Say thanks and walk away for that day – you don’t want to seem desperate or crazy at all…

Step #5: Make sure you say hello next time you see him at the gym – this one I have no problem with.

Step #6: Repeat step 5 several times with a twist – Remember, your goal is a hook up with your fantasy gym guy, not some random hookup off a phone app. So take your time stalking this guy properly. Like a gentleman. Oh, and be sure he notices you checking him out casually. That’s really important. Straight guys love that.

Step #7: Make your move – This is when you ask him to “hang out” sometime, he’ll know what you mean. But god help you if he’s actually straight and he ends up inviting you to watch football with the boys. That’s creep-karma for ya.

What you’ll actually get

There is no reason you can’t be sociable and make friends at the gym. Granted in cities like London, people don’t really respond well to… well, people, but that won’t be true all the time and in all the gyms.

The best-case scenario is you’ll strike up a sociable conversation with a straight guy that could eventually become a friend, acquaintance, or workout buddy. Which would be great, even better than bathroom blowies in my opinion.

Don’t be a creep

Just don’t do it.

Hook up culture has made it SO easy to pick up guys, whether they’re gay, bi, curious, or some wonderful mixture of all three. So why not just open up Grindr in-between sets.

If he’s looking for a hookup the chances are he’ll be on there too. If not then you can get on with your workout without further distraction … other than when he walks past, bends over, flexes or flashes his abs in the mirror. You’re allowed to be a little creepy and perv over that, I mean guys have been doing that to girls for decades so it’s only fair.

This article was first published on our partner site, Gay Fitness UK

26th March 2019
10 questions we gay men hate hearing!

There are a number of things in life that annoy everyone. Trains running late, an unexpected bill, people that do very little work but get all the rewards, Katie Hopkins, the realisation you’ve missed the McDonalds breakfast timings… those sorts of things.

But there are some things that annoy us gays specifically and things that, one day everyone will be suitably informed and emotionally aware enough to not ask these utterly stupid questions. I’ve run through the top 10 of these questions and thank to you those that fed back on these on twitter.

Are you the man or woman?

I’ve been in a serious long term relationship on 2 occasions in my life. On both occasions at least once each time someone has asked (seriously or not) “so who is the man in the relationship?”. Or, the other variation of “so she is the man and woman?”

First, and foremost, who said relationships have to be defined by gender stereotypes? When did this become unwritten natural law? And second, would being ‘the woman’ be such a bad thing as indicated by your tone?

It’s usually the straights that do this and they are simply imprinting onto to us their own understanding on how relationships work. One person is the man (or boss) and the other is the woman (not the boss). Although many relationships I know of straights, the man is very rarely the boss. So the whole concept is just crap. Not offensive to hear, just bloody annoying after a while.

Top or Bottom?

Within our own community, this question does grate on me. Usually online but you do get it face to face as well. “Are you top or bottom?”. Now, I’ve written more than one blog post on bottom shaming, Top vs Bottom etc so I freely admit that I may have added to this problem. But in all my posts I encourage sexual freedom. Don’t be defined or confined by it like this loaded question is designed to do.

Whenever someone asked me I tend to give a sarcastic response. “Are you a top” is usually met with an “ooooh I love this questionnaire things. I filled one in the other day and it said that I was most like a polo shirt. Stylish, functional and only really used by men of a certain age”.

Instead, why not ask someone what they enjoy doing sexually? Personally, I enjoy anal but for various practical reasons, I can’t take anything anally. I’m not your typical top as I actually care about the pleasure someone gets and am very patient and understanding about accidents. Something which very few ‘tops’ are. Something which needs to change!

Two tops or two bottoms – how does that work then?

Linked to the above is the really probing questions many couples face. When someone finds out if you are one thing or another then just have to know “So, you’re both tops/bottoms? How does that work then?”.

For which my usual, completely over the top response usually is, “Sorry Mavis, with your piles and John’s hip, how does it work for you?”.

Piss off, in short. Such questions have nothing to do with the outside world and are not someone one straight couple would ask another. While the temptation to be nosey is there, my eyes roll when I hear it as it’s just an excuse for someone to be nosey, intrusive and completely inappropriate.

Two friends together however over a wine or two, very different. No subjects are taboo in that scenario!

Have you ever had sex with a woman?

via GIPHY

I always laugh at this one. It’s not like cheese tasting where you try a Danish Blue and decide strong cheese isn’t for you. Gays and indeed Bisexuals have a wide range of backgrounds. Some have drunk from the lady cup, others have not. One is not more valid than the other. Yet, once again, this usually comes from the straights. I’ve seen the odd gay man ask it but not usually with any seriousness and usually with context around our histories.

Don’t you want to try sex with a woman?

The straights, however, love to ask. Usually followed up with a “would you though, for the right woman?”. For which, once again, the answer is also no. Sexuality isn’t a cheese tasting course. I’m not going to grow a taste for the odd bit of Wensleydale with a nice dark port. P**s off.

So, that guy you mentioned, have you slept with him?

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When we start talking about a friend we know, if they are male, both gays and straights alike, always get the urge to ask if we have slept with the said man.

The gays usually do it because they are your friend and they are being nosey looking for a juicy bit of gossip on what happened. Which is fine, sort of, but annoying none the less especially as the answer is usually no even though deep down we really wish it was a yes.

Did you always know you were gay?

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Now this one is very context driven as there are occasions where it is a perfectly valid question between friends. But as one of those Ice Breaker questions when’s someone learns of your sexuality, that would be a no-no.

For me personally, I came out at 19 and I was only really in the ‘closet’ for about 4 years leading up to that point. Until midway through puberty my thoughts were very much about girls, I would even draw erotic art about girls. But after time I found myself drawing more of the male figure and focusing more on their roles in my short (erotic) stories. Around that point, I realised and starting going through the motions.

Yet those that haven’t been through what we have, don’t assume that. They just assume we have always lived and breathed being gay and therefore always knew. Not so, for many of us, this was something that developed or being realised at a point later in life. That doesn’t make us any less gay, yet the question seems to imply that we aren’t ‘purebred’ because we weren’t ‘gay from birth’.

Have you watched Drag Race?

via GIPHY

I’ll admit, I do watch Drag Race. But even I get annoyed the number of times I am asked by straight friends and people I meet who learn I am gay. Last time I checked there wasn’t a ‘required watching’ list in order to be a gay man in the 21st century (and even if there was, Drag Race would not be on it). So it always makes me laugh how people take the most obvious part of the LGBT/Queer life and suddenly thing gay = must watch drag race.

Sorry boys n girls, I know plenty of gay men then don’t watch it and I admire / perve on them all the same.

How can you be gay, you don’t look gay?

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Breaking news everyone, a scientist has discovered that gays are born and grow physically different from the rest of the human race. Research has found that a gay man has
– a higher metabolism, therefore, is often leaner in body shape (and has a larger penis because of it)
– has developed different vocal cords, therefore, their voice is often softer and of a higher pitch
– has weaker joints, therefore, things list wrists, elbows and knees bend easier leading to limp wrists, mincing walks and flexible body parts
– only seems to have the genes for lighter hair and eye colour
– skin that tans easily
– lower cognitive abilities resulting in a tendency for dry wit & humour (often referred to as “sass”.

Have you not heard of this discovery? No? Well, that’s because it’s a load of old rubbish. There is no such thing as a ‘gay look’, other than the typical image given to us by mainstream TV.
– Camp
– Blonde
– Blue or Green eyes
– Well built
– softly spoken
– sassy

I can see why people have had this impression, therefore, imprint it onto the wider community, but really? I am rarely any of these things (some things I am more of when drunk) but many of the physical things I most certainly am not. Especially the high metabolism part. Yet the last time I checked I was a gay man, capable of loving and pleasing other gay men?

That one I do find more offensive than annoying, but it is still annoying all the same.

Do you orgasm every time you have a poo?

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This one came into me via Twitter from a follower. Apparently, a straight friend of theirs was curious about anal and asked the question. And for simple minds, I could see why they would come to the conclusion that having a rather large shit was the same as a good-sized cock up your arse.

I can safely say that they are not related, at all. So don’t ask you narrow-minded gibbon. It’s the same logic as so when you have a swab down your urethra, that’s just like having a piss right? No, it isn’t. ?️‍?

24th March 2019
Want to up your orgasm game? You need to try these four exercise types

From our partners at GayFitnessUK: Our eternal search for an orgasm is important to us both as individuals and as a society. So we’re here to help you get the best orgasm you possibly can.

Luckily there’s been plenty of research into the topic of how to get more bang for your buck!

1. Strong abs = a strong orgasm

(C) BIGSTOCK

Not only will a great set of abs make you more likely to have sex, but they’ll also make you have better sex. In fact, extreme core workouts have even been known to lead to spontaneous orgasms in the gym (although mostly with women) and working your core to the point of fatigue is a great way to get all those nerve endings firing “down there”.

2. Boost your testosterone

CREDIT: Dean-Drobot-bigstock

It’s no surprise that higher testosterone levels increase your chance of achieving an orgasm, it is the sex hormone after all. So if you’re planning a sexy encounter, then head to the gym and smash out some high-intensity interval training, or lift a load of heavy, manly weights. Compound moves like the bench press or deadlifts have been shown to increase T-levels, and according to researchers at Athens’ Military Hospital in Greece, the more testosterone a man has in his bloodstream, the better his chances of achieving orgasm.

3. Yoga and meditation

man doing yoga asanas in the park on the hill at sunny day in the summer

If you’ve ever been to a sex therapist or read one of their blogs, the key to achieving a full-bodied orgasm is through controlled breathing. Deep regular breaths allow for prolonged lovemaking and a more satisfying orgasm, whereas short rapid breathing tends to increase excitement and push you “over the edge”. Slow and controlled exercise like a yoga class will instil in you the importance of deep breathing and connecting your breath to the movement.

Which would you prefer, a short, panting pounding, or slow, deep thrusts?

4.Kegel exercises

(C) BIGSTOCK

You’ve heard of these right? You can do your kegals whenever wherever you are. I’m doing mine right now. The pubococcygeal (PC) muscle is at the floor of your pelvis and controls both your urination flow and the spasms during climax. Squeezing as if you were holding back your pee will help to develop your PC power. Try and do 20 squeezes, three times a day.

First published on GayFitnessUK

14th March 2019
5 tips that will make you want to try Tantric massage tonight

If you’ve ever wanted to try something different in the bedroom, maybe it’s time to try tantric. Greg Mitchell explains

(C) BIGSTOCK

It seems to me that these days we do everything in a rush, and that includes sex. It’s on tap. Just open up that little app on your phone, and you can be f**king in minutes. Quick and easy. You can even organise a quickie for your lunch hour, and be back in your office with nobody any the wiser about what kind of sausage sandwich you had for your lunch.

Well tantra is something different. Even if you are in a relationship, when was the last time you and your partner actually took time to make love, made an evening of it, an evening of exploring each other’s bodies? So, for Valentine ’s Day, why not try something different? Instead of going for a romantic, and usually rather expensive, dinner out somewhere, followed by a tipsy quickie when you get home before going to sleep, why not have a quick light meal, and spend the rest of the evening exploring and enjoying each other’s bodies?

Here are a few tips on tantric massage to help get you started.

You can make an evening of it, take turns to massage each other. You can make it a prelude to sex or you can spend an entire evening massaging each other. Either way, you will achieve greater intimacy than you normally do. Admittedly it requires a little preparation, but I guarantee you it will be worth it.

Prepping.

Now most of us don’t have a massage table, but I would suggest taking things off the bed, and even out of the bedroom if you can. Why not spread some cushions on the floor and cover them with a duvet, a large sheet and some towels. As you’re going to be doing some massage, then the floor will also offer a firmer surface. If you have a futon, then that would be even better.

Atmosphere is very important.

Joshua McKnight at Pexels

Candlelight is an absolute must, scented candles are even better, as are incense sticks (I particularly like Nitraj Original natural Masala incense available from Buddha on a Bicycle in Covent Garden). Music is also very important. There are plenty of massage, new age and tantra albums out there, but I’ve put together my own playlist, which is a mixture of all sorts; selections from chill out albums like Buddha Bar and Café del Mar, classical pieces, and bits and pieces I’ve downloaded from various tantra albums. I put it on shuffle, so I never know quite what is coming next, but the music often dictates the speed of my massage strokes, and even the pressure. My playlist is on spotify and if you are a member, you too can subscribe to my list.

Start off with loose clothing.

So we have now set up the room, we have created a warm, welcoming atmosphere, and it’s time to create the intimacy and the bond that will carry us through the next few hours. It’s best if you start in loose, easy to remove clothing. Stand facing your partner, take each other’s hands and close your eyes. Let the music wash over you and slow your breathing down, taking deep breaths deep down into your diaphragm. Then, eyes still closed start to explore each other’s bodies through your clothes. You will be amazed how sensuous this can feel. Don’t be afraid to touch each other’s intimate parts, but don’t concentrate on them either. Really feel all over each other’s bodies, and finish this section by holding each other closely for a few minutes, enjoying the intimacy and feeling of just being held. Then you can start to undress each other. Again, take your time. This can be unbelievably erotic. Caress each other’s bodies as you take off each item of clothing. Make love to each other’s bodies. Once naked, hold each other again, before lying down and starting on the massage proper.

One thing tantric massage emphatically is not is a rub down followed by a hand job. In fact Joseph Kramer, tantric massage guru, once stated, “The difference between Tao Erotic Massage and a hand job is the difference between banging on a piano and playing Mozart.” Now you are ready to start playing Mozart.

Choice of massage oils is personal.

Good ones are almond oil and coconut oil, but you could equally use baby oil. It can bea good idea to warm it on a radiator before using it, and then pour it into your hands first before rubbing it into your partner’s body. I usually start with my client face down and start on the back, sweeping my hands down to the buttocks. Play with your partner’s body. Remember what feels good for you will no doubt feel good for him too. Try it now. Gently caress one of your arms with your free hand. Doesn’t it feel good? You have magic in your hands. Use it.

Don’t be in too much of a hurry to get to the naughty bits.

(C) BIGSTOCK

Take your time to get to know each other’s bodies. This is where you get to find those erogenous zones you didn’t know you had before. Also remember that, once you do get to massage the more intimate areas, whether it be the prostate or the genitals, your aim is to make your partner feel good and prolong orgasm, not just to bring him off. Use lots of lube if massaging the prostate, and plenty of oil on the genitals. Don’t just jerk him off. Play with his cock, caress it, massage it. You’ll be surprised at his reactions. Ejaculation may or may not happen. It is not the be all and end all of a massage. In fact, it is possible to achieve a full body orgasm without actually ejaculating.

This is just a tiny snapshot of how you can incorporate something more sensual into your lovemaking, but if any of this has excited your curiosity, then take a look at

http://www.sensualself.co.uk

http://www.sensualmassagemovies.com

http://www.tantra4gaymen.co.uk

http://www.meetup.com/BIG-LINGAM-TANTRA-LONDON

This article was first published in Feb 2013.

8th March 2019
5 ways to look sexy on a first date

Columnist Scott Sammons gives us hard-earned life lessons on how to look sexy for a hot date.

rawpixel.com at Pexels

In my last article, I wrote about all the things you can do to look about as sexy as the mud-covered posterior of a Rhino (appreciating that other rhinos may find you/that attractive – each to their own). In this article, however, I’d like to share with you some techniques for how to be sexy on a first date, remembering that sexy is all in the mind so this isn’t just about how to make yourself ‘look sexy’ physically.

Wear something that compliments you

Free-Photos / Pixabay

If, like me, you watch Gok Wan and listen to his wise teachings as if he was Jesus Christ reborn (no… just me? OK…) then you’ll know that there are a number of things you can do to dress for you without completely changing your wardrobe and not be you anymore.

What we wear is often a reflection of our personality, so I am not saying that you should go out and buy totally new stuff just to impress a boy – far from it. But instead, wear things that make you feel comfortable and confident. For me personally, I avoid white tops at the moment because all they do is remind me that I’m carrying 2 children and it’s about time the little buggers came out as they have been brewing for almost 4 years now. Therefore I often wear black, with some sort of jacket/overshirt to reflect my body shape and emphasise what I want emphasising. Regardless of your fashion, if you go out in something that you are comfortable with and feel confident/OK in, then you are in a good position to charm/impress your date.

Put on those lucky pants

CREDIT: NYPhotoboy-bigstock

People say they don’t have lucky pants, but they do. Everyone does. We may not call them lucky pants, we may instead just call them pants that make us feel comfortable or a little bit sexy. For me, it’s a jock. I don’t wear one with the expectation that it will be seen, I’m a ‘top’ after all so all expectations are it’ll be wasted on the majority of people, but when I wear one I feel confident and remotely sexy (emphasis on the word remotely). And then the twins kick and I’m reminded that I’m carrying a male pregnancy. These twins are a wonder to modern science they really are. Also, I’m pretty sure the father owes me A LOT of child maintenance…

I digress. The point is to wear something only you know is there to help remind you that you are sexy, you can feel sexy, and that sexy feeling is more for your benefit than it is theirs. If it benefits them, all the better! Sometimes that sexy feeling is more about how you feel than what you appear to them.

You really do need to ensure good hygiene.

The only thing I’ll mention in terms of physical body appearance is hygiene. There are days when we just feel yucky and no matter what we do we cannot shift it. Having said that there are some basic levels of hygiene that we can all engage with to make a good impression. For example, after a long day, we can often smell a little. Either literally or because it’s been a heavy coffee day and the breath is a little lacking. Small things like a little aftershave or a chewing gum can easily correct it and don’t then play on your, or your dates, minds.

Anyone who says that hygiene isn’t important and people should accept you for who you are, warts n all, is a liar. As human beings, we all expect basic levels of hygiene (with some mitigating circumstances) so if you rock up smelling like a gym bag and have the breath of a 100 a day coffee drinking smoker then don’t be surprised if your date becomes distracted by it.

Do something that makes you feel confident before heading in.

StockSnap / Pixabay

Have you ever watched the Olympics or other sport and noticed that they often come onto the pitch or competition area and are wearing headphones? (Or are you just perving at the tight costumes they wear – I don’t blame you if so). They are listening to something called ‘an anchor’. An anchor is a piece of music (or anything else for that matter) then when they listen to it, it fills them with the desired feeling.

In my case, as I’m the author here so I’m going to make this all about me, I listen to a particular remix of Jessie J’s ‘Domino’. Before going on a night out, a date, a ‘hookup’, or whatever I stick that on and I am instantly taken to a memory of being confident “sexy and free”. Therefore if there is something that would remind you of such a feeling, use it. Confidence is one of the sexiest things around but also one of the most elusive things. We can often let our nerves get the better of us and that awkward nervous energy can start to remove what sexiness exists. As a little trick, therefore, give yourself a little confidence and create your own anchor to help you get it.

Have that one friend that will tell you the truth.

On most occasions when I am going on a date I don’t tell another living soul. It’s just easier that way as it’s fewer people to explain it to if it goes bad and fewer people poking their noses in on ‘how it went’ before it has even finished. Having said that, however, you should have that one friend you can tell and that one friend you ask their opinion on about what to wear etc. From a personal safety point of view, it’s a good idea anyway, but that friend can also say you look good (adds to the confidence) or recommend some changes to make you look even better (also adds to the confidence).

And if they are a particularly good friend they can even calm the nerves and offer a friendly slap round the face if the nerves get too much and you talk yourself out of going.

Above all, do try to enjoy your date. Regardless of everything else. Life is too short to over-analyse your dates and spend your night fretting. What will be, will be. Roll with it and just see what happens.

24th February 2019
What is deadnaming?

When a person refers to someone by a previous, given or birth name, it is called deadnaming. Deadnaming can be done with malice or by accident.

It mostly affects transgender people who have changed their name during their transition.

For instance, if a trans woman’s birth or given name was Martin, but she changed it to Sarah during her transition, calling her Martin or referring to her as Martin would be deadnaming her.

However, deadnaming could happen to people who have divorced and have changed their surnames (for instance Cheryl being called Cheryl Cole) or even people who have decided to change their legal name for their own reasons. Being referred to a previous name can be traumatic regardless of the reasons it was changed.

It is often seen as painful as it can trigger memories of a life from which the person feels totally disconnected now.

Some transgender people, however, are comfortable talking about their previous name and some wish it to remain in history, but you should accept the name you are given by any transgender person, just as you would is the person you are interacting with is cisgender or cisnormative.

Can you ask trans people what their previous identity or name was?

You really shouldn’t ask people what their birth name was, unless that information is offered willing to you.

It is very similar to misgendering but focuses more on someone’s name rather than gender pronouns.

Can you expand this definition? Use the comments below and your answer could be used to expand or define this glossary entry.

Check out more definitions in our Big Gay Glossary

20th February 2019
25 non trans actors who have played trans parts in films and TV

Some of the most memorable trans characters have been played by cis-gender actors… here are 25 of the most famous roles.

Here are just some of the mainstream films and television shows where a trans character wasn’t played by a trans actor. The argument against non-trans actors taking these parts have made headlines once again after a clip of Matt Bomer in his forthcoming film, Anything was released.

Warning this article may contain spoilers to various films.

The 1950s – 70s

Daniel Davis, Glen or Glenda, 1953

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Glen or Glenda was released in 1953 starring Ed Wood – who was actually credited as Daniel Davis in this film. It’s a semi-autobiographical film, considered one of the worst films of all time. However, it is considered a plea for tolerance.

Chris Sarandon, Dog Day Afternoon, 1975

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Dog Day Afternoon is based on a real-life story, where a bank robber (Al Pacino) holds up a bank in New York’s Manhattan to pay for his girlfriend’s (Chris Sarandon) gender confirmation surgery. Chris Sarandon’s portrayal of a trans woman was applauded for its consideration of dysphoria.

Tim Curry, The Rocky Horror Picture Show, 1975

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Probably one of the most famous films to feature a “sweet transsexual”. TRHPS has gone on to become a cult hit and recently had a remake filmed and it starred Laverne Cox in Tim Curry’s part of Dr Frank N. Furter.

The 1980s – 90s

Michael Caine in Dressed To Kill, 1980

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In 1980 Michael Caine played a murderous trans woman in this erotic thriller. For his part in the film, Mr Caine was nominated for a Golden Raspberry Award for Worst Actor.

Jaye Davidson in The Crying Game, 1982

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A drama which explores themes of race, gender, nationality and sexuality with the troubles of early 80s Northern Ireland as a backdrop. The trans character in this film is actually one of its great surprises, which is considered a “shocking twist”. Jaye Davidson was nominated for a Best Supporting Actor for the role.

John Lithgow, The World According to Garp, 1982

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The World According to Garp based on the book of the same name by John Irving which is the story of T.S. Garp. In the book his mother, who runs a home for abused women gives shelter to a former footballer, now a transgender woman, Roberta Muldoon.

Ted Levine, The Silence Of The Lambs, 1991

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Ted Levin played a trans serial killer who skins his female victims. In the story, Ted’s character, Jame Gumb, applied for a sex-reassignment operation but was unsuccessful in gaining in their cause.

Terrence Stamp in Priscilla Queen of the Desert, 1994

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One of the most successful LGBT films of all times was released in 1994 is in the top 40 grossing gay and lesbian films of all times. Terrence Stamp’s Bernadette Bassinger is a carefully studied character, played respectfully.

Mary Sean Young, Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, 1994

Possibly one of the most offensive portrayals of a trans person in film – which uses the trans character as a comedy mimic.

Julie Hesmondhalgh in Coronation Street, 1998

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Coronation Street made history in 1998 when they introduced the first trans character to a British soap. It wasn’t until 2015 that EastEnders made further history by having a trans actor play a trans character. Julie Hesmondhalgh has been praised for her portrayal of a trans person and she is a huge advocate for the LGBT community. In 2017 she called on TV companies to employ trans people in trans roles.

Hillary Swank in Boys Don’t Cry, 1999

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One of the most tear-jerking LGBT films of all time. Hillary Swank was truly remarkable in the film which was based on the true story of murdered trans man Brandon Teena. The film was nominated for 57 awards and won 37 of them including, Best Actress (Oscars and BAFTAs) for Swank.

The 00s to 10s

John Cameron Mitchell in Hedwig and the Angry Inch, 2001

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One of the only musical films featuring a trans character in the central role. John Cameron Mitchell wrote and directed this film. It features in the top 100 LGBT films.

Felicity Huffman in TransAmerica, 2005

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Felicity Huffman was widely praised for her role in TransAmercia as a pre-operative male to female transgender person. This was an unusual casting decision as usually male to female trans parts are played by males rather than females.

Daniela Sea in the L word, 2006

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When Daniela joined The L word in 2006 she had the role of Moira Sweeney, an androgynous computer technician who moves from the Midwest with Jenny (Mia Kirshner). Over the course of the season, Moira comes out as a trans man, adopting the name Max Sweeney.

Rebecca Romijn in Ugly Betty, 2007-2008

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Rebecca Romijn was another female who was cast in an M2F role in the comedy TV series, Ugly Betty. She appeared midway through the first season and left in season 3.

The 10s to 20s

Seth MacFarlane, Family Guy, 2010

Derided by Glaad for the way in which Family Guy deals with transgender issues, Seth MacFarlane voices the character of Quagmire’s parent, Ida who goes through sex-reassignment surgery in the episode, “Quagmire’s Father”.

Chloe Sevigny in Hit And Miss, 2012

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Hit And Miss was a TV series which followed the life of a transgender contract killer. It ran for one series.

Jared Leto in Dallas Buyers Club, 2013

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Jared was awarded an Oscar for his role in Dallas Buyers Club, however, his casting in this film and subsequent acceptance of the Oscar with a full beard was criticised by some in the trans community. Laverne Cox recently said, “as brilliant as Jared Leto is, and all these actors who play trans women, when people who don’t know anything about trans folks and trans women see the very sexy Jared Leto and his beard accepting an Oscar for playing a trans woman, the message that it sends is that trans women are really men”

Jeff Tambor in Transparent, 2014

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Amazon was praised for the production of Transparent starring Jeff Tambor who plays a trans person coming out as trans later in life. The show has won awards and much love from the critics for its sensitive portrayal of a family dealing with and accepting transition.

Eddie Redmayne in The Danish Girl, 2015

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Eddie Redmayne played the part of Lili Elbe, acknowledged as the first trans woman to go through sex reassignment surgery. Despite it being widely praised there was only one Oscar win out of four nominations. The film was banned in a number of countries including Qatar, the UAE, Oman, Kuwait and Malaysia.

Jonny Beauchamp and Otoja Abit Stonewall, 2015

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Stonewall was much derided when it was released in 2015. It also stars two actors in trans roles who are not trans. Otoja Abit who played Marsha P Johnson and Jonny Beachamp who played the fictional character, Ray/Ramona.

Benedict Cumberbatch, Zoolander 2, 2016

The shiz really hit the fan when it appeared that Benedict Cumberbatch, considered by many as a true LGBT+ ally took on the role of “All” in Zoolander 2. Many in the non-binary community took offence to the portrayal of “All” and over 7000 people called for a boycott against the film.

Elle Fanning, 3 Generations, 2017

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Fanning plays a character who pursues his true identity as a male. Its release date was pulled in 2015 and pushed back until 2017.

Matt Bomer in Anything 2017

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The film has already received criticism, even before its release for having a cis male actor play the part of a transgender person.

The film is about a transgender woman falling in love with a straight man. Mark Ruffalo is an executive producer on the film. Defending the decision to cast a cis-male in the role of Freda, Mark said that he had a “profound experience” working with Matt in The Normal Heart.

Have we missed something? Is there an error? Please use the comments below to help expand this article.

19th February 2019
You won’t believe how many people now support gay love in the UK

In the last 30 years the public’s support of same-sex loving has rocketed, new stats today show that support for gay, lesbian and bisexual relationships are at their highest.

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Nearly 70 percent of people in the UK now say that they support same-sex relationships compared with just 11 percent back in 1987. The figures are also a stark improvement on 2012’s figures of under 50 percent (47%).

According to figures released, 68% of people thought that relationships between two people of the same sex were ‘not at all wrong’.

The youngest generation was the most welcoming – 80% of people age 18-24 thought there was nothing wrong with same sex-relations, compared to 29% of those age 75 and older.

Minister for Equalities, Baroness Susan Williams, said: “On Valentine’s Day everyone should be able to love who they love, and be free to show that love to the world.

“I am encouraged to see that people are changing their attitudes to be more accepting and more tolerant, but as government we still have work to do to make sure our society is truly fair, and truly free.

“That’s why we are working with charities, schools, GPs, and across government to make sure our Action Plan can bring about real, lasting change for LGBT people in the UK.”

What has the LGBT action plan promised?

The Government Equalities Office’s LGBT Action Plan, which was launched last July to make the lives of LGBT people better, includes a promise to test out innovative ways of tackling deep-seated prejudice in communities across the country.

As part of the Plan, 12 UK organisations who work to improve the lives of LGBT+ people have been awarded a total of £2.6 million government funding. The cash will support LGBT people in education, healthcare and the community.

Barnardo’s, Diversity Role Models, EqualiTeach, the National Children’s Bureau, Stonewall, and the Diana Award will split £1 million between them to continue their work in protecting children from anti-LGBT+ bullying. In addition, Advonet, the LGBT Foundation, London Friend, Mind in the City, Hackney and Waltham Forest, and the Royal College of General Practitioners have received £1 million to improve the lives of LGBT+ people in health and social care.

Rise in Homophobic Crime at odds with the survey

geralt / Pixabay

However, in 2018, crime figures showed that homophobic and transphobic hate crime was on the rise. In October we revealed, that twelve percent (11,638 crimes) of recorded hate crimes in England and Wales were directed at gay and bisexual people which was a 17 percent increase over the previous year. While, two percent of recorded hate crime (1651 crimes) were those against transgender people – up a staggering 32 percent.

Overall recorded hate crimes were up, with nearly 100,000 crimes reported which was double the amount in just five years. The majority of hate crime (75%, 71,251 crimes) were racially motivated. Religious-based hate crime accounted for 9 percent (8336 crimes) of recorded crimes.

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13th February 2019
Is it safe to use a cucumber for sex without a condom?

Some veggies can make for great and super cheap sex toys…

If you are using a piece of veg and you’re by yourself, it is most likely to be safe without using a condom, with a few provisos.

Make sure you wash that thing (let’s call it a vegtoy) good and proper. You don’t want to be putting whatever is on the skin of your vegtoy – like insecticides, bacteria from other people’s hands who have touched it first and well, general dirt from the ground that might be left on the veg.

Once you’ve washed it you’re good to go, after you check that there are no hard edges or pieces that likely to come off.

NjoyHarmony / Pixabay

However, if you’re using it with another person – and you’re sharing the vegtoy, then you should, as with any insertable toy you use in anal play, use a condom. One, it helps protect you from sharing any infections the other person may have but, two, it also helps with keeping the toy clean from, well, let’s face it poop if you’re anally inserting.

Much bigger than you think

zhivko / Pixabay

Just remember veggies are often much harder and bigger than you think. In all likelihood If you actually saw a penis the size of a Sainsbury’s organic cucumber, you might run from the room screaming, (although we do like a challenge).

So take it slow and use lube.

Another thing to consider is that as certain veg warms up (with your body warmth), a cucumber and definitely a banana will become a bit mushy. If it breaks apart you might have trouble retrieving parts from inside you. If this happens, don’t stress. Smaller parts will eventually come out if you let nature take its course.

A word of warning: Extreme caution must be used when inserting anything into your butt that doesn’t have a handle, a flared base or gives good grip. Many people have ended up in A&E after failing to retrieve a cucumber, banana or carrot lodged in their rectums. A painful experience that can actually lead to death if left untreated.

We would urge anyone who has gotten anything stuck up there to seek medical advice immediately, no matter how embarrassed you feel.

Most if not all dildos come with a flared base. If you’re looking for an inexpensive dildo, check out the range of dildos at THEGAYSHOP.

It’s best to use implements that are actually designed for insertion, such as dildos and vibrators.

If you are going to insert a carrot, gherkin, cucumber or banana, make sure you’re relaxed. Some of these veg can be much larger than a penis, so using lots of lube and taking your time is a must. Oh did I say use lots of lube… There are a few types, Water-based, Silicone and even numbing.

Using food for sex

vanessaives / Pixabay

Using fruit and veg could be a great way to excite and reignite your sex life. Using soft fleshy, non-acidic fruit such as honeydew melons or watermelons can be an exciting way to get new sensations. Simply put a hole in it and thrusting in and out will provide interesting brand new feelings.

Have you ever tried “the peach” as made famous in Call Me By Your Name? We’ve put together seven sex scenes from the movies you can try at home.

Alternatively, you can always use other foodstuffs such as chocolate spreads or even Marmite, who recently brought out body paint.

Oh did I say use lots of lube…

If you’re looking to insert food, why not try a lollipop or ice cubes, which will melt. Use the ones that you can make yourself with a plastic stick. Store-bought lollipops might have a wood stick, which could leave splinters inside you. Ouch!

Whatever you’re doing, be creative and have fun!

9th February 2019
If sex isn’t your thing, here are 5 things that science says is better than a bonk

In a study conducted by Bloom & Wild chocolate, flowers and even booking a holiday were all found to be “better than sex” why? Because they all cause Oxytocin, the “love hormone” to be released into your system.

The study was conducted by scientists at London Metropolitan University by measuring how the brain reacts to receiving certain gifts. The results found were really interesting.

Oxytocin is naturally produced by the body and is found when people are in happy loving relationships and also from when they have sex. The hormone is very powerful and even has an anti-stress effect.

Couples who are in the first 6 to 12 months of their relationship are said to have the highest doses of the hormone in their system, but it can be replicated by a few other activities.

Researchers reported that subjects showed an average increase of 73pg/ml in the hormone oxytocin (in saliva) after receiving chocolate and 62pg/ml after receiving flowers, proving there are other ways to feel loved, according to Bloom and Wild.

So what are the other five activities that produce a sexy level of Oxytocin?

Chocolate

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The study shows that even receiving chocolate creates a high increase in oxytocin the same rise in oxytocin comes from sex meaning that if your partner or even you buy a chocolatey treat it can give you the same feeling as a roll in the hay! (73pg/ml increase)

Flowers

Buying your partner or yourself flowers can also spark the same feeling as love, sex and relationships (our study revealed an increase of 62pg/ml in Oxytocin) and the best bit these are more likely to last longer.

Food

A study by Havas Worldwide revealed 57% of millennials think that food is better than sex the study backs this up by showing chocolate increases oxytocin. This means going for food with your friend won’t ruin your relationship.

Shopping

Retail therapy is even more apparent, the idea of shopping as entertainment or a hobby is a relatively new one — and a lot of the way in which we think about buying products as a pleasurable experience is rooted in the history of retail. This is rooted in the industrial revolution where shopping became more of an event and entertainment. The neurologist David Linden, in his 2011 book The Compass Of Pleasure, explains that the experience of shopping triggers dopamine circuitry in the brain’s mesolimbic pathway, which is a key part of how we experience entertainment and happiness.

Booking a Holiday

According to research, 16% of Brits think that booking a holiday is better than sex, meaning everyone who has booked a holiday in the January sales will get that same euphoric feeling as sex itself!

A feeling of wellbeing increases oxytocin after receipt of any gift.

Dr Una Fairbrother, Head of Biosciences at London Metropolitan University said, “Participants in the study were selected randomly and only their age, gender, and date of birth was recorded, in order to maintain anonymity in compliance with data protection and the Human Tissue Authority.

“Interestingly, the results show that there was a significant increase in oxytocin after receipt of any gift. Furthermore, within this small cohort, the effect of the more desirable gifts, such as chocolate and flowers, was more pronounced, with chocolate being marginally on top.

“Chocolate induces feelings of wellbeing, including an oxytocin response when eaten, thus anticipation is likely to provoke a similar response.”

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6th February 2019
Here’s why it’s great having a small penis

Small is beautiful – that is the new motto

If you watch a lot of porn you’ll be forgiven for thinking that man is equipped with just two sizes of dick. Big and bigger. But actually the majority of penis owners aren’t that well endowed. The average size of most men in the UK, full mast, is 5.5 inches according to Mandatory.com. So take heart, even if yours doesn’t reach 5 inches there are reasons why, whatever you have, is pretty damn good.

1) Firstly having a smaller dick means that hiding an unwanted erection is much easier

CREDIT: wernerimages / bigstock

So if you happen to be in an awkward situation and you pop a boner you can quite happily enjoy the knowledge that your rager will be much easier to hide than a monster cock. Simply slide that peen up towards your belly and no one will ever know! Brilliant.

2) You won’t damage the person you’re having intercourse with…

You’re less likely to damage your bottom. Smaller dicks are less likely to create anal fissures and less likely to cause small tears and will probably need a lot less warming up, although don’t read that as a “just go for it” you’ll still need to do a bit of foreplay and you’ll always need lube.

3) Not just anal, but actually oral will be easier.

BIGSTOCK

Apparently. After hearing that this guy actually ruptured his throat while giving a blowie to a 10 incher and ended up in A&E maybe it’s time to realise less is more.

4) Hit the spot

(C) BIGSTOCK

You’ll actually be able to rub all the right bits with your hammer action! The male G-spot will be tickled pink with a smaller than average appendage. The G-spot is only a couple inches inside a man, so any more than that I really a waste – or for show offs!

5) Anal sex will be less painful

Again we refer to point three. If you want tips on how to find bottoming easier check out our top tips. Plus you won’t be going all the way up to the internal sphincter, which can be an unpleasant feeling for some bottoms.

6) You won’t be used because of your penis size

CREDIT: Depositphotos

Yep, there’s such thing as people who who fetishize big dicks and don’t neccessarily respect the person attached to the big penis. There’s an actual forum called Big Dick Problems – yes guys who have penises that are too large they have their own forum. It has over 50 million members (no pun intended).

7) Less Germs

jarmoluk / Pixabay

Yes, if you ever sit down to pee, or even when you’re pooping if you have a smaller penis, or a grower not a shower, your penis won’t touch the inside of the dirty toilet bowl. Yup!

Whatever your size is, don’t worry about it. We all come in all different shapes and sizes. It’s about who the dick’s attached to not the nob itself.

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22nd January 2019