Author: Agony Uncle

DILEMMA | My boyfriend has a penis that curves downwards

This week, a reader asks what positions are best for bottoming when your partner’s penis has a downward curve to it.

DEAR TGUK,
Hi, my boyfriend has a major downward curve in his penis, like a banana. He’s had it forever. It’s also big 6-7” long and a 6-7 girth.
I’m crazy about him but it’s difficult to bottom.
We can only really get it in when we doggy with my ass up, or laying on my back if he picked up my waist.
When On my back I can’t really feel anything.
Can you recommend some positions that are suitable?

Many guys have curved penises, although typically the curve is upwards or to the side, a downward curve is still, however, completely normal.

However, you will need to try out different positions to make penetrative sex work for both of you.

The reason why you say you’re not feeling anything when you’re on your back is that your prostate, the gland that makes bottoming irresistible to some, is on the inner side of your rectum wall. If your partner’s dick is straight or curves upwards, the standard missionary position means that the shape naturally rubs up against the prostate which is packed full of nerve endings. If your boyfriend’s dick is probing the other way, in this position he’ll be missing all the feel-good points.

CREDIT: ©-blueringmedia-Depositphotos

This means if you reverse positions they may actually feel better for you.

Many guys find there’s a certain amount of flexibility when it comes to their erections, however, it’s important not to force the erect penis into any position which is uncomfortable, because you can actually snap an erect penis!

Reverse cowboy

With you sitting and straddling his lap, but facing away from his face, so your torso is pointing towards his feet. Your feet can go behind you or in front, whichever is more comfortable,

This position can work with him lying on the bed or sitting in a chair.

Reverse low cowboy

The top lies on his back, the bottom straddles on top with his head and torso pointing towards his partner’s feet. His ass points towards his partner’s head, with hips pointing slightly down. This way will give your top an amazing view of his dick entering you. Bonus!

Reverse Doggy

You are in the normal doggy position, with your butt in the air, but your top enters from above, crouching above you, with his feet either side of your hips, facing back. He then dips his dick in your ass.

Reverse sleeper

The bottom lies on his front and the top lies on top of him but with his feet near the bottom’s head.

So face to face positions might work as long as you can tip your hips in a way that will help his penis make contact with your g-spot.

The great thing is that you have all the time in the world to experiment and take time to find out what feels great for the both of you. Have fun together.

Have you got a dilemma you need help with? Click here to get in touch.

25th September 2019
If fingering your butt hurts, here’s what you need to do

If it hurts your butt when you get fingered, you should read on.

The ass is pretty darn resilient and there’s a pleasure to be had from anal sex, but there are a few golden rules to make sure you keep safe and reduce pain.

Hello Lube, my friend.

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Use a good amount of lube and have a towel handy that you can wipe your hands, as it can get quite messy. **That** scene in Brokeback Mountain – as hot as it looks, is just not that realistic. A bit of spit and shove isn’t going to cut it. Use a good lube – and there are a few to choose from on the market. You might find that you get on with some better than others. Try the trial or travel sizes until you find the perfect lube.

Time goes by… Slowly.

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One of the most misleading things about porn is that you can’t just stick it in – and that includes fingers. You need to take it gradually. You could start off with a bit of rimming and then move on to a finger – then if that feels good maybe two. Don’t just go for it. You will cause yourself a lot of pain.

One finger, two finger, three

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You could do a bit of prep yourself before sex. Perhaps while you’re in the shower – or if you douche you could get your butt used to the feeling of a finger or two up there before you get down with your partner. Using warm water to douche could help you relax as well.

Cut those damn nails.

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You say that it hurts after fingering, are your boyfriend’s fingernails ragged? If he’s got claws that a Gruffalo would be proud of it’s time to invest in some nail clippers for him. He may be, unknowingly tearing your insides – which will make the whole experience uncomfortable.

Smoothly does it

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Keep the fingering motion smooth and long and thin (goes right in). He shouldn’t curl up his fingers inside you – this is going to cause discomfort. No vigorous finger jamming like he’s Donald Trump giving a speech.

You could always try a desensitising spray or lube.

Numbing lubes could be the way to know, but make sure you look out for sides for trauma and if you still fill discomfort, stop immediately.

Anal Training

You could go down the anal training route. There are anal toys that act like dilators, we call them anal trainers. They start from a small and thinner insertable that gently stretches your anus. When you get used to the smallest size you can go to the next size. Each time, take it slowly and use lube. Eventually, you should be able to take the largest toy, without too much discomfort.

So to recap: take time and use lube.

If you’re really concerned that there’s something wrong book an appointment to see your GP.
The advice listed above is not intended to replace or take the place of that of your own doctor, GP or medical professional who knows your full medical history. If in any doubt make an appointment with your doctor as soon as possible.
*Disclosure links contained in this article point towards our very own shop, this was not a paid placement and there are other shops available.

12th September 2019
Is it safe to use a banana as a sex toy?

Ever wondered whether it was safe to use a banana in the bedroom?

It might seem like a no brainer – after all banana are a bit penisy – and are cheap as, well bananas but they might not actually be the best thing to use as a sex toy.

There are two main issues. One they are very squishy once out of their skins – I wouldn’t recommend using a banana with its skin still on, because the ends are quite rough and could cause internal damage.

Secondly, bananas don’t have a flared end, like dildos and butt plugs, which means if you lose your grip you’re going to have to poop it out, or maybe even mush it out. Which might be your thing, but probably won’t feel great.

What’s more, if you end up having trouble passing it, you could end up in casualty, which let’s face it is not the best way to spend a Sunday morning.

Sex and Fruit

silviarita / Pixabay

Using fruit and veg could be a great way to excite and reignite your sex life though. Using soft fleshy, non-acidic fruit such as honeydew melons or watermelons can be an exciting way to get new sensations. Simply put a hole in it and thrusting in and out will provide interesting brand new feelings.

Alternatively, you can always use other foodstuffs such as chocolate spreads or even Marmite, who recently brought out body paint.

Caution must be used when inserting anything into your butt that doesn’t have a handle or gives a good grip. People have ended up in A&E after failing to retrieve a cucumber, banana or carrot that’s gotten lodged in their rectums. Anything that gets stuck up your butt will be a painful experience that can actually lead to death if left untreated. We would urge anyone who has gotten anything stuck up there to seek medical advice immediately, no matter how embarrassed you feel.

Oh did I say use lots of lube…>

Alternatives?

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If you’re looking to insert something of a edible variety, why not try a lollipop or ice cubes, which will melt.

It’s best to use toys that are actually designed for insertion, such as dildos and vibrators. Don’t forget if you’re using toys together and share them, to use a fresh condom before using it on your partner, and wash them properly after use.

If you are going to insert a carrot, gherkin, cucumber or banana, make sure you’re relaxed. Some of these veg can be much larger than a penis, so using lots of lube and taking your time is a must.

11th September 2019
What’s the best lube to use with a dildo or butt plug?

Whether you’re going for a mini vibe or a traffic cone type of toy, you’ll need the right lube, so which is the right one to use?

We’ve said it before and we’ll say it again – any butt play is going to need to start off with some kind of lubricant. The anus isn’t self-lubricating so you’re going to need lots of it. Depending on the size of your toy you’ll need different lubes for different activities.

If it’s a smaller prostate massager like the Optimale P Male Slate, which you’re probably not going to be moving in and out and is just going to sit inside you, then you could try just spit. It’s free and simple – everybody has access to that.

https://www.thegayshop.co.uk/product/optimale-p-male-slate-os/

However, if you’re going to be using a huge toy, like the American Bombshell Destroyer that you’re going to be riding to show off your skills on Twitter, then you’re going to need a lube that will stop friction and the damage that could cause you.

https://www.thegayshop.co.uk/product/american-bombshell-destroyer/

You should check with the manufacturer of the toy because some toys can’t be used with some types of lube other than water-based. Oil-based lubes are likely to rot or even melt your toy, so keep them away. Depending on the material your toy is made from you shouldn’t even keep toys together without a layer of protection between them, like a cloth or a cotton bag.

Some toys though are silicone lube safe and this is probably one of the better lube types to use for toy play because silicone lube lasts the longest. Silicone lube tends to be a little more expensive than water-based but generally lasts longer so you could end up using less of it. We like using the ID Millennium lube which comes in a variety of sizes. If water-based is your thing then look no further than the Liquid Silk range of lubes. Liquid Silk has a great smooth texture to it – plus the whiteness of the lube has the added bonus of looking a bit like spunk!

For extra help in getting the lube where it actually needs to go you could always try a lube dispenser, a genius way of getting lube deep inside your butt rather than just at the entrance.

Another suggestion is numbing lube if you’re using a massive toy, however, be careful when using numbing lube. Pain felt while inserting a toy is a useful and important messaging system for you. If you don’t get any feedback from your ass, you could be damaging yourself with tears.

10th September 2019
DILEMMA | My great boyfriend has a micropenis, what can I do?

Dear Dilemmas
I have an incredible boyfriend, we’ve been dating for about six months.
We had a long dating period – where we didn’t have sex but decided to go on a series of dates to get to know each other.
It’s been great to do this because we’ve created a really strong emotional bond. However, After about 2 months we decided to have sex.
Problem is he has a micropenis. It’s very small. It’s not a total loss – he’s great at sex in general, he gives good head and takes time with everything else. Anal sex though is just out of the question. He really isn’t big enough to get inside me… and that’s a problem.
I’m a versatile guy and I don’t want to have a relationship where I’m going to be the top forever. As I said he’s the perfect guy. I don’t want to break it up, but can you make it work if the body parts don’t add up to what you need in the bedroom?
Thomas

Dear Thomas

It’s wonderful that you’ve found the perfect guy where you have a strong emotional bond and you took the time to know the guy before having sex – and it sounds as though you realise that dicks, no matter their size only make up a part of what makes the man – but they can be an important part, so let’s see what your options are.

As you’re six months in you have a couple of options open to you. You could break it off if his size really is a deal-breaker, but are you prepared to let go of the “perfect guy” for this reason alone? Breaking it off because of his size will be a saving grace for both of you. He deserves someone that sees past what you see as a flaw. Remember one man’s small penis is another’s delight.

However, there are some ideas you can try out.

It is likely that your boyfriend is totally aware of his penis size and you guilting him about it is a surefire way to turn this relationship toxic. So why not have an open discussion with him about what you want. If you want to be topped but have found it impossible to do this with your boyfriend don’t talk in problems talk in solutions.

Toys

Discuss the idea of introducing toys to the bedroom – where he can top you with a dildo. With a dildo, you can go as big as you want. Both he and you can have fun working your way up to sizes you never dreamed of – and you can do the same to him. It takes the pressure off both of you and size doesn’t matter.

Positions

You didn’t mention what positions you tried for anal sex. There are some positions where you can achieve penetration, even if he has a small penis. One of which is you on your back, your pelvis raised, with your legs behind your head (or as near as you can get). If you want doggie, simply pull your cheeks apart so that there’s no butt cushion and your hole exposed.

Sleeves And Extenders

There are also penis extenders and sleeves which increase the girth and length of the wearer’s penis. See what he feels about wearing one. He may actually want to top you, but his inability to do so could be frustrating the hell out of him too. These sleeves allow heat and feel to transfer right through them, so it’ll feel like he’s actually inside you.

Threeways

Have you thought about opening your relationship to having a threeway / fourway? It’s not for everyone and both people in a relationship have to be on board, but it might be an avenue worth exploring. Just make sure you talk about boundaries and expectations before you get a third or fourth involved.

Reading back over your message there’s a lot of hope in your relationship. You are clearly loving this guy and everything that he brings to the relationship, so celebrate those parts and find solutions for the bits that don’t work so well – and as you said he also gives really good head.

Have you got a dilemma? Click here to get some advice.

10th September 2019
What does 420 mean on dating apps?

If you come across a guy’s profile and it says he’s into 420, it means that he’s into getting high with cannabis (weed, pot, grass). This is quite popular amongst some gay and bi men as it relaxes and heightens sensitivity throughout the whole experience. It can reduce stress, which is also great for those who have anxiety-related erectile dysfunction.

However, you have to pick the right weed if you’re planning to have sex. Sativa products, those products which are made from the Cannabis sativa plant are considered better by some because they can help lift your mood, heighten your sensitivity and intensify orgasm, however, some people have suggested that it can make your mind wander. Some users suggest Indica for “mind-blowing” sex.

Some cannabis strains or more powerful drugs like skunk will leave you too relaxed to get much done, or you may find it impossible to concentrate, climax or perform.

As with most drugs, cannabis and the various strains will affect different people in different ways.

7raysmarketing / Pixabay

Advice from TalkToFrank suggests, “…only take cannabis when you’re feeling happy and relaxed, in a safe environment, and with people you’re comfortable with”.

And again with the lube

(C) BIGSTOCK

Don’t forget to use lots of lube and if you’re looking for a way to relax during sex and don’t quite fancy the idea of smoking weed or taking an edible, why not try CDB lube. CBD is legal in the UK and could be a great way to relax.

Remember, depending on how you take cannabis, the effects can take a while to subside. Effects can last from 10 minutes to an hour if you smoke weed. Ingesting cannabis through an edible could take between two and four hours, according to TalkToFrank.

Don’t forget as with any sex and drug-taking to use lube and if you’re not sure about your partner’s sexual health status, use condoms. To stop the passing on HIV you might want to use PrEP as well.

Cannabis is still illegal in the UK and is classified as a Class B drug – which means it is illegal to have for yourself, give away or sell.

If you’re wanting to talk to someone about addiction or have an issue with your or your partner’s drug usage you can reach out to TalkToFrank for more information.

Check out more gay dating terms.

18th July 2019
What’s it really like to go for a sexual health screening

So, if you’re someone who has sex, it’s important to go get tested.

For some people, there’s a lot of anxiety about going to get tested at a sexual health clinic, but I’m here to let you know, sexual health services in the UK have come along in the last decade or some. So regardless of any the horror stories, you might have heard, here’s what actually happened the last time I went to get tested – which was last week.

If you’re worried that medical implements are going to be stuck down your dick or up your ass or concerned that a bevvy of doctors will be taking a prolonged look at your squishy bits – you need to read on.

I’ve recently moved to a new area and thought about checking up on the sexual health services area, after a quick look online, I found my local sexual health clinic and was able to book my appointment online.

When entering the building, I was able to log in via a screen in the reception. Once booked in, I waited, perhaps 5 minutes before my name was read out – and I followed my nurse, Lesley, into a private office – where she checked my details, asked me a few basic sexual questions – like when was the last time I had sex – oral, anal and any other sexual activities which I had concerns about.

She asks what brought me to get tested today and I tell her that I want to be tested for HIV as well as other sexual health screenings.

I also ask her about getting the HPV vaccine – which she says is not a problem – she also suggests getting the Hepatitis vaccination. Which I agreed to.

After that, we walk across the hallway to a treatment room – in which there was a urinal, a sink, a bed and a trolley of medical supplies.

She asked me whether I wanted an oral and anal swab. ‘In for a penny’, I think and agree to both. She hands me a cotton wool bud in a long-thin plastic container and another small plastic container.

kropekk_pl / Pixabay

She leaves the room and allows me to, in private, pee in the cup and take my own anal swab, it’s really simple and you insert the bud about an inch or two inside you.

I put the top back on the pee jar and the swab back into its plastic container.

Next, after a few minutes, she reenters the room and takes the oral / throat swab, which again is another cotton wool bud. She says “it might make you gag…” I think, “not likely”. It doesn’t.

She then takes a vial of blood, which is painless and takes seconds.

She then collects the pee, the swabs and disappears from the room.

Moments later reappears with the vaccinations, I’ve asked for. Hep A and B and the HPV.

I have two injections in my right arm and the other in my left. All in all, I’m in the room for less than 15 minutes.

There was no examination of my body, although I’m guessing if I went in with specific issues she would have taken a look.

There was no sticking anything down my pee hole and no fingers up my butt.

My swabs were all done by myself. Self-service!

A week later a ping on my phone lets me know all my tests are clear.

So please, don’t fret about going to a sexual health clinic. It really isn’t invasive and remember knowledge is power. Your health status isn’t something you should shy away from – and the best thing, in the UK, testing and my vaccinations were free thanks to the NHS.

3rd July 2019
TOPS AND BOTTOMS and… But what do you call a guy who isn’t into penetration?

Not into topping. Not into bottoming? What are those guys called?

(C) BIGSTOCK

There’s a relatively new term for guys who don’t like having anal sex. Yep, guys who aren’t into topping or bottoming. Some are identifying themselves as “sides”.

Although the term itself is not getting the love it might deserve. As the LGBT+ community expands and adds more identities shouldn’t Sides be getting the recognition they warrant?

There’s a lot of emphases on anal sex in the gay, bi and curious community. Editor of THEGAYUK.com, Jake Hook says, “We are in a world where we’re expected to make instant proclamations on what we’re into. There’s a lot of pressure to define yourself as one or the other and the assumption that sex has to end up with penetration. Where does that assumption come from?

“First on the list is gay porn. All scenes tend to end up in anal sex. It’s become the standard.

“Secondly, the apps we used often ask us to pigeonhole ourselves into tribes including whether we’re tops, bottoms or vers.

“Thirdly, penetration is the world’s goto sex act – and it’s pretty heteronormative. In media we constantly see people going at it. One moment they are kissing the next he’s whipping off his trousers and she’s hitching her skirt. Straight to the penetration, without too much discussion about the other types of sex you can have.”

So who or what is a side?

(C) BIGSTOCK

It’s a guy who’s not into anal sex of any type instead he’ll be into kissing, hugging, oral and other types of sexual activity. Also, guys who cannot have anal sex might be considered a side. For instance, those who have had prostate surgery may not be able to have penetrative sex. It doesn’t mean that sex stops. It changes as prostate cancer campaigner Martin Wells told us.

So what are the other types of sex you can have without penetration?

There’s a whole world of sex that doesn’t end up with P in A action. Mutual masturbation, cock2cock frot, frottage, scissoring, oral, rimming, digital penetration, tantric, toy play, role play. Take your pick. All of those can end up with one or both of you climaxing, without the need to put a dick in an ass.

Where does the term “side” come from?

It appears that the term “side” was coined by Joe Kort Ph D in an article written for Huffington Post. Unfortunately, the author doesn’t explain the reason behind the word.

Defining Sideism he said, “Sides prefer to kiss, hug and engage in oral sex, rimming, mutual masturbation and rubbing up and down on each other, to name just a few of the sexual activities they enjoy. These men enjoy practically every sexual practice aside from anal penetration of any kind. They may have tried it, and even performed it for some time, before they became aware that for them, it was simply not erotic and wasn’t getting any more so”.

30th June 2019
Want better sex? Try these incredible foods to boost your sex

Adding food to the bedroom is a classic way to spice things up with a partner. But did you know that food can heighten libido and improve your performance between the sheets? We-Vibe has collated the best foodie tricks and tips for you to put to the (taste) test!

– Figs: These small fruits pack some big benefits. They are bursting with calcium, iron, potassium, and more of that stimulating zinc. They are also packed with fibre, which boosts heart health and satisfies hunger without adding to your waistline.

– Strawberries: Don’t forget to bring this mouth-watering dessert on your next picnic. Strawberries are an excellent source of vitamin B, which has been linked to high sperm counts in men. Go one step further and coat them in chocolate, as it is full of libido-boosting methylxanthines! (Why do you think it’s such a popular Valentine’s Day gift?!)

(C) BIGSTOCK

-Almonds: These healthy nuts are said to act as a sexual stimulant and a fertility aid, so if you’re trying for a baby, start snacking! They are rich in nutrients and in several minerals that are important for sexual health and reproduction, including zinc, selenium, and vitamin E. Zinc can also help enhance sexual desire – added bonus!

-Avocados: The name for this South American fruit derives from the Aztec language Nahuatl, in which it meant ‘testicle’ – a name chosen for the fruit’s unusual shape. It may seem like a bit of a stretch to us, but avocados do have some sexy benefits! They are rich in unsaturated fats, making them very heart-healthy. And a healthy heart keeps the blood flowing to all the right places! Men with underlying heart disease are twice as likely to suffer from erectile dysfunction, so feel free to add some extra avocado slices to your salads.

-Eggs: Poached, scrambled or fried, eggs are sure to rev you up after a long day at work. They are full of protein, which keeps you going without packing on the calories. They’re also an excellent source of amino acids, which combat certain types of heart ailments as well as erectile dysfunction. There’s a reason Dean Martin likes his eggs with a kiss in the morning…

25th May 2019
9 reasons why you should book a HIV test today

Knowing your HIV status is one of the most powerful things you can do for your health, so why not book an appointment to get tested today.

(C) BIGSTOCK

1) Testing is free on the NHS

It’s free. If you’re in the UK you can book yourself in for a free HIV test. There are some walk-in clinics and organisations around the UK, but you can always book an appointment at a sexual health clinic near you.

2) It’s really really quick

From a drop of blood, the HIV test is super quick and takes just minutes. No waiting around for results, no needles, just a quick finger prick.

3) Knowledge is power

Someone who knows their HIV status for sure, whether they are negative or positive is safer to hook up with than someone who isn’t sure. Thanks to treatments which can bring someone’s viral load down to undetectable, makes the possibility of passing on HIV almost impossible. You should find out more about the campaign UEqualsU – which stands for undetectable equals untransmittable.

4) Get the treatment and support you need.

Once you know your status, particularly if it comes back positive you can begin to take action to keep you and your sexual partner(s) healthy. In the UK HIV medication and care is free.

CREDIT: Bigstock

5) Can’t pass HIV on

Taking HIV medication as prescribed means you can’t pass the virus on. The sooner you’re on the right, prescribed medication, the quicker you can get back to having the sex you want.

6) Keep you and your partner healthy.

Not knowing whether you have HIV or not means you can’t take steps to prevent passing on HIV to your partner(s).

7) Make it part of your sex life.

It’s recommended that you test regularly, particularly if you have multiple partners. So if you enjoy a regular sex life, make testing part of it.

8) It’s confidential

Testing for HIV is confidential. Your details won’t be passed on to anyone else.

9) You can do it from home

Yes, you can even get HIV tests direct to your door. The Terrence Higgins Trust offers free or low-cost HIV kits for home testing.

16th May 2019
DILEMMA | I’m scared that I’ll fart during anal sex

Dear TGUK,
I’m worried about farts during sex. I’m still a butt virgin, meaning I’ve not had anal sex yet as a bottom, but I’m worried that I might fart, which seems like it’s the most embarrassing thing that can happen during sex. What can I do to stop the farts.”
Simon
Notts.

Dear Simon,

You can’t stop the farts. But the likelihood of you doing one during the middle of anal sex isn’t that high, particularly if you stay away from these foods before having anal sex.

However, with the dick acting as a plunger into your ass, air will creep in and at some point that air has to come out. It’s just all part of the butt sex thing and the best thing to do is either laugh it off or just ignore it. Your top will most likely be totally engrossed with what he’s doing that he won’t notice and if he’s totally grossed out by your bottom rasp then maybe he needs to reconsider his sex role.

So stop worrying, as worrying will only cause you to tense up and being tense (down there) during sex is not a good thing. Don’t compare your sex life to that of what you see in porn, where tops are able to stick their dicks in straight away, they always have hard cocks and bottoms can take a pounding for what seems like hours on end and never fart. Sex in real life can be messy, can take lots of time and can be very funny. So relax. If you need tips on how to be clean during anal sex try out these suggestions if you want to know about what type of lube for anal is the best click here.

Just make sure you’re ready, use lots of lube and have fun.

Have you got a dilemma? Click here to send us a message.

14th May 2019